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“Ayo Sapitus! Come help me with these bags, yeah?”
Sapnap looked up from the couch as Dream called out, pocketing his phone and going over to grab the grocery bags from his housemate.
The next few minutes were spent unloading food in their kitchen, Sapnap abandoning his job halfway through the first bag to sit on the counter and scroll through Instagram. He was about to speak when he was cut off by Dream’s strangely upbeat voice.
“Sick, thanks, man!” He said, reaching out to slap Sapnaps hand and rushing up the stairs, leaving the other in confused silence.
That was weird.
He shrugged it off as he slipped from the counter and headed toward his room, setting up for a Jackbox stream where he would forget about his best friend's unusual behaviour for the next few hours.
-
“Alright, Chat, thanks so much for coming, I’ll see you next stream!”
Sapnap rejoined the discord call after ending, the sound of his friend's laughter trickling through his headphones.
“Hey, Nick, we still good to come over in a bit?” Karl called out, away from his mic as he shuffled around his room.
“What's happening tonight?” George asked.
“Boys’ night,” Sapnap said as he checked the time on his monitor. It was nearing 6 pm and his stomach had been growling for the last half hour. “And yeah, you’re good to come still, I think.”
“You think?” Quackity turned on his camera with a skeptical look on his face, the others following suit.
“Yeah, I’m just gonna check with Dream first. He was acting kinda… off, I guess, earlier.”
“Off like, sick-off or weird-off?” George said, the rest of the call paying closer attention to the conversation.
“Weird-off, I guess.” Said Sapnap as he leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know, he came home from the grocery store and was all hyped up. He dapped me up for helping him with the bags.”
“How dare he dap up the Nicholas “Bruh” Sapnap!” George gasped, feigning disbelief while Karl snickered from somewhere out of frame.
“Nah, but that’s not what we’re like.” He huffed as he fiddled with a pen he picked off his desk.
He jumped when Quackity suddenly clapped right into his mic, dropping the pen.
“Then get off your ass and go see what it’s about! Text us the plan when you’re good.”
“Alright, I’m going, I’m going! Bye George.”
Sapnap got up from his desk, exiting the call before anyone could reply. He stretched and his joints popped, a testament to how long it had been since he’d started working.
Padding down the hallway, he stops outside the other’s ajar door and knocks tentatively.
“Dream?” He calls out, staring at the floor as he waits for a response.
He gets none, but he can see the light coming through the crack in the door and assumes the other is awake, so he pushes open the door and steps into the room.
Sapnap was met with the sight of his best friend sprawled out on his bed, legs stretched up against the wall and an arm thrown over his eyes. He had changed since he saw him earlier, now wearing sweatpants and a familiar hoodie. A thick, dark blue hoodie that had definitely seen better days.
“Dream?” He tried again and the mass on the bed fumbled around to look his way. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah! Yeah, no, I’m doing great!” He says with an obviously forced smile and two thumbs up.
“You sure about that? You’re wearing your sad hoodie.” Sapnap gestured towards the ragged garment the other was wearing. Dream deflates at the mention of his very obvious tell, feet sliding down the wall as he lets out a puff of air.
Sapnap walks over to sit on the bed, back against the headboard so he has a clear view of his friend's face.
“We can postpone boys' night if you’re not up for it,” he says, watching the other's face. “Karl and Q won’t mind.”
“No! No, I’ll be fine. I just…” Dream sighs, the two sitting in heavy silence for a few moments as he tries to come up with the right words. “I don’t deserve to be a part of it.”
He whispers the last bit so quietly Sapnap wouldn’t have known he had even spoken if the room wasn’t dead silent. But it was and he had heard what was said, a look of confusion spreading on his face.
“What do you mean, man? Why wouldn’t you be at boys’ night?” Sapnap questions as the other throws his arm back over his face groaning.
“Cause I’m, y’know… like me.” He gestures vaguely toward his whole body.
There’s another quiet moment where Sapnap just squints at his friend, the gears visibly turning as he puts together what the cryptic statement means.
“Wait, 'cause you’re trans? Bro, when has that ever mattered to us? You’ve always been a part of boys’ night and you always will be.” He said matter-of-factly.
Dream lets out a distressed hum as he looks away from his housemate, avoiding making eye contact with the other.
“It’s not just boys’ night! It’s everything. I’m soft. And I’m not manly enough. And everyone can see that! That I’m not a real man.” His anger fizzles off with the last few words, leaving only a breath of hopelessness.
“Dude, where’s all this coming from?” Sapnaps voice is soft, taken aback by the other's confession.
“It’s always there. But I guess it just got too much when I started seeing it from people other than me.”
“What do you mean?”
“After that picture I posted on Twitter,” he says reluctantly. “I just… I saw people talking about parts of me that I hate, and it got to me.
“Dream, look at me, man. Clay,” Dream turns to meet his stern gaze when he says his name with such seriousness.
“None of that shit makes you ‘not a real man’. None of it. Look at the others. Being soft or ‘not manly enough’ doesn’t stop me, or Q, or Karl from being real men and it doesn't stop you either. Got it?”
Sapnap is looking at him pointedly, and Dream realizes he’s waiting for a response.
“Got it.” Dream says, still processing the heartfelt speech from his usually no-serious-business best friend.
“Good.” Sapnap smiles, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the bed. “And you’re not required to be extra manly just because you happen to be trans. You have nothing to prove to anyone.”
“Is this about me dapping you up earlier?” He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since he left the kitchen hours earlier.
“It is 100 percent about you dapping me up earlier.”
Dream groans as the other barks out a laugh, pulling him out of the room and towards the stairs.
“Come on, we got a boys’ night to prepare for!” Sapnap drapes an arm over his shoulder and pulls him closer, and Dream smiles, slipping an arm around the other's waist.
And yeah, maybe it is okay to be a little soft.