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“I’m home!”
Fondue runs past Raphael’s legs to get into the house, barking excitedly while he does so. The boy chuckles and put down his bags to prepare himself for the other whirlwind in this house.
“Raphie-chan! My darling!” Ah, there he is. Raphael can’t help but laugh as Kaito pops out of the kitchen wearing a frilly pink apron overtop of his pajamas, cooing and making obscene kissing noises as he does so.
“Oh, how I missed you so!” The brunet continues to speak with his voice shrill - just a hair’s width away from sounding like an actual housewife. Raphael isn't sure why the other boy isn't altering his voice all the way - he knows he's capable of it. But then again, he has learned to stop questioning Kaito's unusual quirks or why he enjoys doing the things he does. “How was your trip? Did you have fun?”
He tries to embrace the redhead, but since he is still doing annoying air kisses, Raphael pushes his face away.
“It was magnifique. France was just as beautiful as how I left it. One of your detectives was there and almost gave me trouble, but… Um, hey, you can stop doing that now.”
Kaito pulls away and pouts. “Doing what?”
“Acting like a doting housewife. You’re acting weirder than you usually do, mon ami.”
“Ehhh?!” He bops Raphael on the head with the ladle in his hand. “I’m just happy that my Raphie-chan is home safe and sound! You’re so mean to me! Even after I cooked you dinner and everything!”
The redhead raises an eyebrow. “ You cooked dinner? Don’t you usually get Mademoiselle Aoko to do that for you?” When Raphael had gotten out of the taxi, he had seen that the lights on the house next door were still on, so it’s not like Kaito’s childhood friend had been absent this evening. This is strange.
But Kaito merely sniffs at his accusation, feigning hurt. “I just wanted tonight to be special! Since we haven’t seen each other in weeks…”
“What did you do?”
“...eh?”
“What did you… mon Dieu , you ate my ice cream, didn’t you?” Despite all of Kaito's attempts to protest and distract him, Raphael hurries to the kitchen and opens up the freezer to find that the ice cream is indeed gone. "Just one thing! I asked just this one thing of you, and..."
Kaito shrieks in despair, caught red-handed. But of course, nothing can ever be straightforward with this guy - especially not a confession of guilt. The boy fishes a piece of paper out of his apron pocket.
“I didn’t! This came in the mail the day after you left!” With watery eyes, he thrusts it into Raphael’s chest, who accepts it curiously. “I tried to stop him, I really did! But… poor ice cream-chan…!”
On the paper was a note, and Raphael instantly recognized it as a manifesto - not quite unlike ones he’s written as Phantom R (or the ones his housemate writes for his own heists). Set for the date after Raphael left for France, the sender claimed they were going to steal all the ice cream in the house. Now, immediately he could tell there were a lot of things wrong with this note.
First, it was signed by someone named “Kaitou BID”.
“He’s a very dangerous phantom thief,” Kaito explains with wide eyes, wiping crocodile tears from his face. “He places bids on his targets so high that no one could possibly retaliate. And that’s when he strikes .”
“...So how much did our ice cream sell for?”
“All the crayons in a 120-pack crayola box except ,” Kaito says, gesturing to the note - or more specifically, what had been used to write it: “the Granny Smith Apple colour.”
The brunet pauses, lowering his voice to a near-whisper as he effortlessly switches back to his regular voice.
“By the way, we need to buy new crayons.”
“...Of course.”
The other strange part of the note was that it also said this “Kaitou BID” was going to steal the heart of the beautiful maiden who lived in this house.
Just as Raphael is about to ask, Kaito swoons and cries out “BID-sama!” in that shrill tone he’s been using. Raphael sighs and folds the note back up.
“I suppose it can’t be helped. Anyways, back to dinner… Pardonne-moi, but I already ate so I’m not hungry. Such a shame, had I known you were making dinner…”
Kaito freezes, and for a moment his mask cracks. Raphael thinks he spots a flash of disbelief, but when Kaito finally responds, his expression and voice are strangely neutral.
“...You don’t want to eat my delicious home cooked meal?”
“As I said…” The redhead smiles smugly and fakes a yawn. “It was a long flight, you know. I think I’m going to go to bed! Bonne nuit, see you in the morning--”
“Oi, c’mere you--!” Before the other thief can escape to the guest room, Kaito pulls him into a headlock and bops him on the head a few more times with the ladle. “How dare you! After I went through all the trouble of putting this together to make up for the ice cream… I had to put up with people trying to sell me fi… finny things to get all the ingredients for this! You’re gonna eat it and you’re gonna like it .”
Raphael can’t help but laugh, tapping into the rhythm of Kaito’s exaggerated motions and managing to slip out of his grasp the split second an opportunity opens up. Smiling, the redhead twists and slides out of Kaito’s reach, only stopping to adjust his glasses. “Non non, I told you, I’m full already. Why don’t you take the food over to Mademoiselle Aoko instead so it doesn’t go to waste?”
“You’re going to go upstairs and climb out the window, aren’t you?!” The brunet has returned to his high-pitched housewife voice. Raphael just rolls his eyes, amused. “You’re cheating on me with someone else! I knew it! You’re a terrible husband!!!” Kaito tries to hit the other boy with the ladle - once, twice, thrice - but he dodges out of the way with a smile like they’re performing a co-ordinated dance.
Honestly, they may as well be. It’s almost scary how in-sync they are after only a month of knowing each other. Must be a phantom thief thing.
“If you hate me so much, why don’t you go run away with your Kaitou BID-sama ?” The last bit is raised in pitch to match Kaito’s exaggerated housewife voice.
“Hmph! Maybe I will! And you can go back to your hot French mistress or whatever!! I don’t care~!”
“Works for me. Hey, Fondue!”
Raphael whistles and his dog comes barreling down the hall, barking excitedly. Kaito yelps and bolts from the kitchen, doing acrobatics over the furniture to avoid his pursuer. Of course, Fondue isn’t going to hurt him. He wouldn’t do that to their newest friend, who is generously letting them stay at his house while the two of them are in Japan. With a triumphant chuckle, Raphael swipes some of Kaito’s “home cooked meal” (he lied about eating already, he just wanted to see Kaito’s reaction to him turning down his peace-offering) before heading to the guest room for bed.
The next day, Kaito arrives home from school to find ice cream in the freezer, a brand new box of crayons on the table… and an entire fish in the fridge.
He never stole his guest’s ice cream ever again.
…
Well… not until he came up with a grander heist for it, at least.