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The first straw on the proverbial camel’s back comes when Seungcheol tells Joshua that it’s okay if he needs to take the day off , effectively letting Joshua know that it’s plainly obvious to him that he’s in pre-heat, and that it’s worse than usual.
The pre-heat symptoms started late the night before, leading to Joshua popping a suppressant as soon as he could, praying that he could sleep through the worst of it. He’s used to body aches from dancing so much, but sweating just from brushing his teeth was a big red flag. It’s not even like he’ll be getting his actual heat after this, it’s just an inconvenient hormonal flareup that his usual suppressants can’t quash.
The second straw is that Seungcheol says it loud enough for Minghao to murmur in agreement from where he’s eating breakfast at the table.
“I’m fine,” Joshua says, short and to the point. He busies himself with making coffee so he doesn’t have to look at Seungcheol, who is pulling that concerned little pity-frown of his from the other side of the kitchen. It’s a two-step process. He puts the capsule into the machine and presses a button.
“It’s not a big deal,” Seungcheol begins to push, but if he knows Joshua is in pre-heat then by extension he should also know that now is absolutely not the time to be pushing Joshua into agreeing with anything.
“I’m really fine,” Joshua insists, because he is. He’s never had to take a day off for something as inconsequential as pre-heat before, and he’s not going to start today. Even if he did wake up with a steady throbbing behind his eyes and coiling pain in his stomach.
“Okay,” Seungcheol says, shrugging his shoulders as he drops it, turning to make his own breakfast instead. Joshua can tell that he has more to say, though. He’s a bundle of nervous energy now standing far too close to him in the kitchen.
Joshua, quite frankly, isn’t sure if he can stomach the coffee but he keeps making it for something to do. He can feel Minghao’s eyes on him, burrowing into the back of his head. He doesn’t say anything, though, after Joshua shot down Seungcheol’s attempt, just keeps eating his porridge, wide eyes bouncing between the two of them. The clack of Minghao’s spoon against his teeth makes Joshua’s blood pressure rise.
He’s honestly not really not sure how he’s going to make it through the whole day, just knows he will. On principle. It’s only a pre-heat, the suppressants are going to start working and the symptoms will stop. He might have taken them too late, but this is nothing compared to how a real heat would be. There’s no point in wasting time just because of a few cramps and a headache. He’ll be fine.
He’s saved from further interrogation by their driver texting to let them know he’s waiting downstairs to take them to the company building. Joshua tips his untouched coffee into the sink as Seungcheol scrambles to down his breakfast as quickly as possible, Minghao following closely behind him.
As they’re slipping into their shoes at the front door Seungcheol squeezes the back of his neck briefly before they leave, smiling at him softly. But as much as Joshua wants to appreciate the comfort, it just aggravates him further. He needs to stop being so obvious that something is wrong before they meet up with the rest of the group, otherwise he won’t get any peace today. He takes a breath, letting his eyes fall closed for a brief moment, and offers his best interpretation of a smile back at Seungcheol, letting Minghao hold the front door open for him.
When they get to the van Joshua takes a seat at the front while Seungcheol and Minghao file in behind him, and tries to manifest no one choosing the spot beside him. The other members filter into the van one by one, sleepily greeting each other, and Joshua thinks he’s going to be lucky today, everyone seems quiet and calm, until Seokmin shows up and beelines straight for the seat next to him.
“Good morning, Shua-hyung,” Seokmin says with far too much energy for this time in the morning.
Joshua swallows down his sigh and offers him a hum and a nod in return.
Undeterred, Seokmin starts chatting to him about something or other. Joshua tunes it out almost immediately, and severely regrets forgetting to pick up headphones before he left. When Joshua doesn’t provide satisfying conversation, Seokmin turns in his seat to involve the others in his chatting instead, catching Joshua with his elbow as he does so, multiplying his volume by ten. Joshua catches Seungcheol trying to shush him, but Seokmin ploughs on, absolutely not getting the memo.
Halfway through the drive Seokmin runs out of things to talk about and, to Joshua's horror, starts singing instead. Joshua hopes he’s finally run out of energy after the first song, but he just moves onto vocal warm-ups instead, repeating the same notes over and over until Joshua seriously thinks about breaking the window and throwing himself out. His headache is even worse now, the stabbing in his temples making him nauseous despite the painkillers he took before leaving the dorm, and Seokmin's voice is grating on him.
His thigh is pressed up against Joshua’s thigh, his hands animated as he twists in his seat to talk to Soonyoung on the other side of the van. Soonyoung is only encouraging him, like he can’t tell Joshua’s having a terrible time, or he just doesn’t care. Joshua tries to block it out, but just as he closes his eyes and tips his head against the window, Seokmin begins his vocal warm-up again with such a high note so intense it shocks through Joshua’s body like a bolt of electricity. His eyes snap open and hone in on Seokmin with a fierce glare before he forces his face to smooth out. Seokmin isn’t even looking at him. He takes a deep breath, willing himself to calm down.
It’s just a day, he tells himself. Tomorrow he’ll feel better, after his suppressants kick in and everything goes back to normal. He just has to get through today. He can scavenge some more painkillers from Jeonghan when they get to the company building, and with enough luck, lose himself enough in practice to not feel the effects of his pre-heat – and to avoid killing anybody.
He’s staring out of the window when Seungcheol’s hand snakes through the gap in the seats to run his fingers through Joshua’s hair. He’s clingy on the best of days, but Joshua guesses omega pre-heat is making him extra tactical. The touch flares up his annoyance so suddenly even Joshua is surprised, feeling his face flush as he whips around in his seat, losing all of the calm he’s managed to force onto himself.
“Stop it,” he snaps, batting Seungcheol’s hand away. Seungcheol does his best impression of a kicked puppy, pouting at him as he mumbles an apology and Joshua deals with the guilt because he knows Seungcheol is only trying to comfort him. He didn’t ask him to, though.
He crosses his arms over his chest and stares back out of the window, wishing he was already at work for once. Nobody tries to talk to him for the rest of the journey.
✦✦✦
Naturally, Jeonghan gravitates towards him as soon as they’re in the practice room. Joshua feels Jeonghan before he actually sees him, as he leans in to take a big sniff behind Joshua’s ear. He doesn’t latch onto him, like he usually would, which already gives him more tact than Seungcheol has had so far today.
“How are you feeling, Shua-yah?” Jeonghan asks.
“Fine,” Joshua answers automatically. Jeonghan gives him a look.
Still, he says, “Okay,” and doesn’t put up any sort of fight. “Do you need a painkiller?” he then asks, because he can read Joshua like an open book.
Joshua nods curtly and Jeonghan scurries off to fish them out of his bag. Joshua pops two as discreetly as he can and hopes they work miracles before Soonyoung gets at him.
✦✦✦
They don’t work miracles. Joshua manages okay for the first few hours, but as time goes on he has to admit to himself that he’s struggling.
He’s sweating, more so than usual, and the t-shirt he’s wearing is stuck to him. It feels disgusting already. A quick look around shows that everyone else is also catching their breath, which makes him feel a little better, but when Soonyoung restarts the music they’re all quicker to jump back up to their feet than him, already in position by the time he drags himself up.
His stomach hurts. Moving is hard, the painkillers are obviously not strong enough to battle whatever fuckery this pre-heat is. His back is killing him, and the cramps are down to his thighs. He doesn't know if the rest of the members have noticed he’s struggling by now, because he’s avoiding looking at anybody.
He’s miserable. He knows he took his suppressants late, but the type he takes are strong, and usually stop his pre-heat within a few hours, so why are his symptoms still so intense? Sure, he’s seen the other omegas in the group struggle from time to time, but Joshua is usually fine.
Fine enough to get by, anyways. Fine enough that nobody really realises what’s happening, or if they do there’s an unspoken agreement to not mention it to him, they know he’s more sensitive to feeling weak than the others. Why Seungcheol is being so obvious this time, he has no idea. Maybe he’s just projecting.
Joshua snaps out of his head as Soonyoung begins to count down again, trying to keep a straight face as he moves his body into the moves, counting on muscle memory. He makes it halfway through the routine before he wobbles, nudging into Mingyu who falls into Jihoon with enough force to push him over. They laugh about it, Mingyu hauling Jihoon to his feet, but Joshua feels his ears starting to burn. He can tell Seungcheol is burning holes into the back of his head, and can only imagine how much he’s holding back saying something.
They get over the stumble quickly, Soonyoung restarting the music again and Joshua has only barely managed to regain his breath before he’s being forced to move again. He gets through the routine this time, panting as it ends. Soonyoung starts to coach them through a move that he’s realised needs adjusting, watching them in the mirror to find the weak spots and Joshua pushes through the burning in his lungs to perfect it so Soonyoung doesn’t hone in on him.
Satisfied, Soonyoung shouts, “Okay! Let’s go again!”
A couple of the other members groan in protest. Joshua presses his lips into a thin line and runs his mind through all the ways he could get out of dance practice without just telling his members that he’s not feeling well enough to continue. He considers for a moment pulling the fire alarm, or pushing Jihoon over again.
Joshua realises startlingly quickly that he’s not going to make it through as soon as the music starts. He tries to push past the pain in his muscles, sweat dripping into his eyes. His whole body is coated in a disgusting layer of moisture from the fever he’s surely running mixed with the intense workout.
His legs give out without warning, and he’s forced to squat down quickly to stop himself from falling over. He heaves in breaths through his mouth and screws his eyes shut like it’ll make everyone else in the room disappear if he can’t see them.
“Joshua-hyung, let's go!” Soonyoung shouts. He hasn’t stopped moving. 12 pairs of feet pummel the floor around him as Joshua tries and fails to get his breath back.
“Joshua!” Soonyoung calls his name again and Joshua lifts his head to catch Soonyoung’s gaze in the mirror.
“Can you give me a second?” Joshua asks, but Soonyoung is already shaking his head, gesturing for Joshua to stand back up as he cheers, “Hyung, you got this!”
“Soonyoung,” Joshua snaps. He can’t help it, the others are still dancing around him but he doesn’t think he can stand back up. “I just need a second.”
Soonyoung frowns back at him in the reflection, turning to face him with a confused, “what?” But Seungcheol steps forward, interrupting him before the situation can escalate.
“It’s okay, let's have a timeout, we’ve been going for hours. Take ten minutes everyone,” Seungcheol calls out to the group, who are all confusedly standing looking between them, some still half heartedly dancing.
Then, he’s turning towards Joshua, and Joshua knows that he’s going to coddle him, or tell him to go home, so he gets to his feet and heads straight out of the practice room on shaky legs before anyone has the chance to stop him. It’s childish, maybe, running straight from his problems, but they already had to stop practice halfway through a routine for him and he can’t stand to spend his break being interrogated.
Joshua heads straight for the bathrooms on the floor and locks himself into a toilet cubicle. He plonks himself down on the closed toilet lid and fights to regain any semblance of self-control.
He feels disgusting, but he can't admit defeat and go home. Could he go home? He runs through his options, leaning forwards to hold his head in his hands. He could cry. Crying definitely feels like an option he could do right now. Everybody already knows he’s struggling after that little debacle, what’s a few tears? But he’s Joshua Hong, and Joshua Hong doesn't cry at work. Especially not in a work toilet cubicle.
He can’t go home, no matter how good getting back into bed would feel. They have too much work to do today. There’s a meeting after this, it would look so unprofessional.
So instead, he picks himself up, washes his hands to buy himself a few extra seconds, and hauls himself back to the practice room. The others look up as he enters, sitting huddled in twos or threes with their backs against the mirrors, taking advantage of the time Joshua’s mini-breakdown has granted them, but nobody calls out to him. Seungkwan waves at him cutely, but mostly he just goes unacknowledged. Seungcheol must have filled them in while he was gone. The drama of it all is embarrassing.
There’s no point in dragging it out further, no matter how much he wants to slump down at the mirrors with the others, so he decides to just take his position back on the floor and hope the members get the message without having to make too much eye contact. Thankfully they do, shuffling into place around him in a practised motion. Mingyu claps him on the back as he slides beside him, and it hurts but Joshua forces himself not to flinch. His body is so melodramatic today.
They thankfully break for lunch after not much longer. Joshua feels too sick to be excited about the prospect of food but he’s glad for the actual rest. He had gotten through the last few run-throughs on sheer will power alone, even after realising Soonyoung was definitely going easier on them. The members disperse to get lunch and Joshua sits by himself against the mirror to re-hydrate and get his breath back, leaning back to close his eyes.
His peace and quiet lasts approximately 15 minutes before Jeonghan comes back into the room swinging a plastic bag in his hand and ambles over to where Joshua is sat.
“Delivery for Joshuji,” Jeonghan chimes as he undoes the knot in the bag with his crooked fingers. He takes the plastic containers out and sets them in front of Joshua, who eyes them wearily. His stomach feels a little less sensitive than it did this morning, and he knows that logically he’s only going to feel worse the longer he goes without eating, but still.
“I just got bimbimbap,” Jeonghan says, with less aegyo this time. Joshua supposes he can stomach rice and vegetables.
Jeonghan doesn’t comment on his current condition, or press to ask if he’s okay. Joshua is thankful for the level of discretion. The most he’s likely to do is scold Joshua for not eating, so Joshua picks up his spoon and gets to work mixing the contents of his bimbimbap together.
He takes a tentative bite and chews slowly, deeming the food acceptable to swallow. Jeonghan watches him as he does so and lets out an amused little cackle when Joshua decides the food he brought him is good enough to eat.
It’s nice, until Jeonghan also starts eating, and Joshua hears in crystal clear quality the sound of Jeonghan chewing. It’s wet, and so incredibly loud. Jeonghan smacks his lips together as he swallows a big bite and dives in for another. Joshua closes his eyes and wills the mirror to fall off the wall and onto the both of them.
He tries to take another bite but as soon as it’s in his mouth he finds he can’t bring himself to chew, not with Jeonghan sitting right in front of him munching away like it’s no big deal. He feels his blood pressure start to rise, the heat under his skin making him unreasonably angry. He can’t even get five minutes to himself without someone coming into his space to make noise.
Petty as it is, Joshua doesn’t know what else to do but to get to his feet and march to the other side of the room to find a quiet spot to finish his lunch. Jeonghan watches him go with his mouth popped open so Joshua can see the half-chewed food inside. He doesn’t try to stop him, though, and that has to count for something.
After lunch they run through a couple more moves that need some extra attention, at a more leisurely pace this time as they digest their food. Joshua does undeniably feel better now that he’s eaten, and that the pace has died down a little.
They’re split into smaller groups practising formations and units when a manager stops by to let them know that the meeting they’re scheduled for is going to start a little earlier than intended, and that they should wrap up practice quickly. Joshua realises much to his dismay that there’s no time for a shower before heading there.
At the same time as he notices, so do the others, a few other members grumbling as they all start to pack up obediently and head out. They do it quietly, but Joshua wishes somebody would speak up. He’s already made a fuss today, and doesn't think he can make more. His clothes are sticky, and knowing he has to sit through a meeting in a damp t-shirt sours his mood even further. He was finally feeling a little better, and now this adds to his increasingly shitty day.
As soon as he sits down he realises just how miserable this is going to be. He’s obviously sweaty from practice, but the pre-heat fever is still going strong. Even though he’s sweating still feels cold, his wet clothes making him shiver, the air-conditioned room doing nothing to help him.
He attempts to stop the shivering, self conscious of how he looks, trying to listen as the managers talk them through next month's schedules, but he can’t concentrate. His headache is back in full force now he has nothing else to distract himself with, dissociating as they’re talked to about finances and logistics and other things he doesn't understand even on a good day.
He wraps his arms around himself to conserve body heat while trying to stay professional, focusing on looking like he’s listening, nodding along when the others do.
He feels a nudge to his side and looks down to see Seokmin handing him his sweater, Joshua hadn't even noticed him take it off. He tries to gently push it back, shaking his head as he looks back towards the managers, but Seokmin nudges him with it again until Joshua accepts it from him.
Truthfully, he’s glad for it. As soon as he slips it on he feels warmer, nosing into the neckline a little to catch more of Seokmin’s alpha scent on it. It makes him feel better as the meeting draws on, longer than Joshua expected it to.
Seokmin looks pleased beside him, and it stirs Joshua’s instincts as much as he tries to push them down. He hasn't made anybody happy today, but knowing Seokmin is happy just because Joshua is wearing his sweater is sweet.
As soon as the managers start to pack up their things, Joshua is the first one out of the door. He usually wouldn't be so rude, but he needs to get home. He makes it back to the van in record time, taking the same seat he chose that morning. Thankfully this time the group have definitely gotten the message and the seat beside him stays empty as the members who are heading home board. He doesn’t bother asking who is staying behind, as long as he gets home himself. He’s going to have a shower and shut himself in his bedroom and maybe never come out again.
He thinks he’s hit extra lucky when Hansol and Seungkwan slide into the seats behind him. Hansol is a headphone user, and Seungkwan is usually happy to just sit beside him whispering the way they do.
Today is not Joshua's day. Hansol starts off the way Joshua predicted he would, quietly watching videos on his phone with his head pressed against the window but as soon as Seungkwan catches what he’s doing, the headphones come off so that they can snuggle up to watch together.
It’s TikTok. On repeat. One minute Seungkwan is crying at abandoned pet videos and then the next he’s laughing so hard that Joshua’s seat is shaking. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. For everybody. Half of the TikToks on Hansol’s feed are in English which is an even further torture, because it means he has to explain them to Seungkwan, leaving the video to loop two or three times before Seungkwan finally reacts to it.
Joshua seethes silently. He’s shivering again, even in Seokmin’s jumper, damp and cold. He wishes he would stop sweating. He’s hyper conscious of the way his clothes are sticking to his tacky skin, how itchy the backs of his knees are from not being able to shower after practice.
Hansol laughs loudly and knees the back of his seat and he definitely did not mean to but it tips Joshua over the edge. He takes a measured breath before turning in his seat to look at them.
“Can you turn that off?” he asks. He tries to say it politely but it comes out short and sharp, and there’s only a momentary pause before Hansol locks his phone and apologises.
Joshua should apologise himself, probably, or tell him he’s just tired or whatever, but he doesn’t. Instead he turns his attention back to the front of the van and tries not to notice how awkward the newfound silence is. It feels like everybody is suddenly listening to them.
Seungkwan audibly scoffs. Joshua doesn’t rise to it, rolling his eyes.
“The mood swings are off the charts today,” Seungkwan mutters.
Joshua feels himself gaping but still doesn't turn around. Hansol quietly shushes Seungkwan, and Joshua hears him digging through his bag under the seat, and then the click of new headphones being plugged in that they can share.
“Seungkwan, pack it in,” Seungcheol snaps from somewhere towards the back of the van. It’s beyond humiliating.
The van pulls into the underground garage and Joshua is the first out of the door again. He walks quickly enough to get an elevator to himself up to their floor.
He doesn't wait around to ask Minghao if he can have the first shower, just walks immediately there and locks himself in. Taking off Seokmin’s jumper is harder than he thought it would be, mostly because it’s still cold in the bathroom but also because of the comfort it’s giving him. He stands there shivering for a while before he finally forces himself to turn on the water and strip his clothes off before anybody comes looking for him.
The hot water helps. The tension begins to unwind from his body, the heat seeps into his muscles as he stands beneath the spray. He goes through the motions of washing his hair and his body, moving at half-speed because he can’t bring himself to go any faster. He doesn’t really care who else needs to use the bathroom right now.
When he gets out of the shower, he towel dries his hair and pushes it off his forehead with a fluffy headband. Then, Joshua goes through the familiar routine of cleansing his face and applying toner, then his serum and eye cream and moisturiser until his face is shiny and his skin feels soothed.
The apartment around him is quiet. Minghao is probably loitering in the living room waiting for his turn in the bathroom. Seungcheol is likely taking advantage of master bedroom privileges and taking a shower in his ensuite. As soon as Joshua summons the courage to leave the bathroom he’s going to head straight for his bedroom and he’s going to lock the door and lay in the dark for the next 12 uninterrupted hours until his pre-heat breaks and he becomes a normal person again.
His phone buzzes against the counter where Joshua placed it face-down on arrival.
Boo Seungkwan
Hyung I’m sorry for what I said in the car
It was inappropriate and I shouldn’t have said it
I’m sorry
:(
It’s okay
I forgive you
Joshua isn’t totally sure if Seungkwan will accept that as sincere, but he’s also not convinced Seungkwan sent the apology of his own accord in the first place so he considers them even.
When Joshua opens the bathroom door he breathes a sigh of relief to find the hallway empty, tucking his clothes closer to his chest as he quickly makes his way to his bedroom. He opens the door, walking quickly towards his bed, more than excited to finally lie down when he suddenly goes flying, tripping over something hard on his bedroom floor.
Joshua yelps as he manages to keep his balance, throwing his arms out as he looks down to see what was in his way, finding Jeonghan smiling up at him from where he’s sprawled across his bedroom floor, hair still wet from a shower.
“Hi Shua-yah,” he croaks like he’s the one dying, not Joshua.
Joshua blinks down at him before stepping over him, throwing his clothes into the laundry hamper before rifling through his drawers to find some comfortable pyjamas. Jeonghan sits up behind him, reaching out a hand to try and grab at his ankle.
“Shua-yah, I need attention,” he whines. Joshua tries to find the annoyance he was so full of earlier, but he’s too tired.
“I’m tired, Jeonghan. Go back to your apartment, or go haunt Seungcheollie, he loves you.”
“You love me,” Jeonghan keeps whining. “Come with me.”
Joshua pauses where he’s attempting to climb into bed, Jeonghan on his floor or not.
“To see Cheollie?” he asks.
Jeonghan raises an eyebrow. “Is that where you want to go?”
Joshua sighs. “If you’re thinking something, I would rather you just said it.”
Jeonghan grins at him. “I’m not thinking about anything.”
“You’re being difficult,” Joshua says. Jeonghan giggles. He pushes himself up off of the floor with a groan and a flurry of popping joints and grabs Joshua’s hand before he has the chance to pull away.
“Come on, Joshuji,” he coos and promptly drags him out of the room and down to Seungcheol’s bedroom.
He doesn’t knock, because of course he doesn’t, just barges right inside. Seungcheol looks up from where he’s sat on his bed, lips popped open in surprise at the sight of them. He’s dressed in sweats and an oversized t-shirt, his hair fluffy from being blow-dried.
“I brought a present for you,” Jeonghan sings, lightly pushing Joshua towards him.
Seungcheol drops his phone beside him, smiling at them as he opens his arms, doing a cute grabbing motion with his hands. “Give him to me.”
Joshua hesitates for a second, but Jeonghan gives him another encouraging push forward and Joshua lets himself fall into it. He’s done with pretending to be okay today. It’s just Jeonghan and Seungcheol, he repeats to himself. He’s so tired, and his head still hurts.
Seungcheol wraps his arms around him tight, stroking up and down his back as he pulls him half onto his lap and Joshua feels his lip start to wobble before he realises just how much he needs to cry.
“Today really sucked,” he chokes out. “I’m sorry for being such a nightmare.”
Jeonghan coos behind him and pats him on the head. “It’s okay Shuaji,” he reassures, moving to start pulling the covers back. “Let’s get into bed, you’re so tired.”
Seungcheol hums, nodding against him and Joshua forces himself to let go because he knows Seungcheol won’t move until he does. He doesn't want to cry, he just wants to sleep, but his body has other ideas, his throat hurting as he climbs into bed with Jeonghan and Seungcheol on either side of him.
They both wiggle around until they’re comfortable, and Joshua lets himself be moved to wherever they want him, Seungcheol’s arms under his head and around his shoulders and one of Jeonghan's hands in his hair with the other on his waist. The three of them are slotted together so nicely, and Joshua finally feels comfortable for the first time today, even through the emotions that are threatening to overwhelm him.
He feels so bad. He’s still feeling sick and he snapped at so many members today, just because he was annoyed at himself for not being at his best. He swallows down a hiccup, screwing his eyes closed, willing the thoughts away. He just wants to sleep.
“You can cry if you want,” Seungcheol whispers as Jeonghan starts to run his fingers through the back of his hair. “It’s just us, you’re okay.”
Joshua shakes his head, pressing his nose firmly into Seungcheol’s chest, but it’s no use.
His chest convulses on a dry sob, and as soon as the first one is out he can’t stop, gasping as he brings one of his hands up to cover his mouth.
“You’re okay,” Seungcheol reassures again, rubbing at his shoulder and then up to his neck. “This is just temporary, you’re going to be just fine,” he whispers, and Joshua feels Jeonghan nod along behind him.
“Hormones suck,” he sympathises, running his thumb over Joshua's side. “Poor Shua.”
Joshua’s sobs turn wet, and there's snot running down his face and it feels disgusting but it's cathartic, and if he’s honest it’s what he’s wanted to do all day. Lay down and cry. Jeonghan reaches around to hand him a tissue and Joshua cries into that instead of his hand, taking big noisy breaths through his mouth that he’ll definitely be embarrassed about tomorrow.
They let him cry in mostly silence, which Joshua is grateful for. The weight of them on either side of him is grounding, and he lets himself feel truly sorry for himself until the heaviness in his chest starts to slowly lighten up.
“I think that needed to come out, hm?” Seungcheol asks as Joshua begins to quieten down, and he nods in agreement, breath still catching on little hiccups. Jeonghan nudges him until he gets him into a sitting position and steals Seungcheol’s water bottle from the nightstand, handing it to him.
Joshua gulps it down gratefully, and pats at his face with the backs of his hands to try and cool it down before laying back down between them, reaching for Seungcheol’s arm to wrap more firmly around him.
“Thanks,” he murmurs, reaching back to hold one of Jeonghan’s hands.
“We could watch a movie,” Seungcheol suggests, after they’ve laid quietly for a while.
“You two go ahead, but I’ll probably fall asleep like, five minutes in,” he says softly, curling up even further into Seungcheol as Jeonghan loads up something on his phone, balancing it on Joshua’s hip. He stays holding Joshua’s hand with his other as Joshua drifts off.
✦✦✦
He starts the next day feeling better, pre-heat fever all but gone. He apologises to the members when he meets up with them in the morning, and they wave him off like he would do for them. He sits next to Hansol at lunch and watches TikToks on his phone and helps him explain the English ones to Seungkwan, and makes sure to high five Seokmin after he belts out a high note in the corridor on their way to another meeting.