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Link didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this.
He’d done his part, played his role. He’d fought off legions of shadow beasts, endured being cursed into the form of a wolf, even suffered losing Midna to the world of Twilight, forever beyond his reach.
So why, dear Hylia, was he now subject to this?
“¡Quieto! ¡Prenderás fuego al bosque!” 1
Link groaned as Grumpy’s irritated voice grated against his ears, the words utterly unintelligible. It had been three days since he’d been dropped in a field together with eight other hylians, and in the most marvelous twist of divine comedy, none of them spoke the same language.
“Ye bairns… stap climmin on thaim!” 2
Well, almost none of them.
Link glanced over at the speaker. He was the tallest (and likely oldest) of their motley crew, dressed in half-plate armor with strange war-like paint on his face and a scar across one eye. Link had taken to calling him Shade, since he was very similar to the Hero’s Shade Link had encountered years before.
Shade hefted up another form, this time one of the smallest of the group. Link had taken to calling this hylian Crab thanks to the design on his blue tunic and the salty smell that followed him.
"Ibaba mo ako!” Crab hissed at Shade as the latter hefted him up, and he wriggled slightly in Shade’s grip. Crab glared daggers across the camp at another of their number — Grumpy — the original victim that Crab had been climbing like a tree. “Dapat turuan ko sya na hwag makikigulo sa magdaragat !" 3
Despite his attempts for freedom, Shade was able to keep a grip on Crab. When it became clear his impression of a wriggling eel wasn’t working, Crab went limp in Shade’s arms with a scowl. He made grabbing motions toward Grumpy while muttering under his breath.
Grumpy — so-named for his expression that constantly oscillated between a smirk and a scowl — was dressed in a red tunic with pink-tips to his hair, and at present was leveling a flat look at Crab.“No,” the hylian said, holding the staff that Crab had been trying to steal to his chest. “Mío. No toques!” 4
Even though Link only understood one word, Grumpy’s tone and gestures made it clear enough. This is mine.
Crab pouted, giving a sniff. The young boy gave Grumpy a pleading face, but the other was unmoved. Grumpy stalked off, twirling his staff as he went, which sent small gouts of flame slipping from the gem at the top.
Judging that (most of) the danger had passed, Shade carefully set Crab back down. Crab, evidently uncaring of the results of his previous attempt, followed after Grumpy again, but this time stayed away from the fire staff. Instead, he began to poke at some of Grumpy’s various bracelets. Grumpy, looking his namesake, finally seemed to get fed up with the attention. He handed Crab a small shiny trinket and made shooing motions.
With treasure in hand, Crab cackled and danced away, a pirate with a new prize for his hoard.
“食べてみて!” 5
Link glanced over at the exclamation, to where Archer was offering Forest something. Archer — named for his unreal skills with a bow — gave a wide smile that stretched the scars on the left half of his face. It was concerning. The last time he’d had that expression, Link had seen an entire bokoblin camp go up in flames.
“食べてみて,” 5 Archer repeated, his smile growing wider as Forest took the object, a strangely luminous stone.
"Qu'est-ce que c'est ? Quelque chose de magique ?" Forest said, twisting the stone this way and that. Link had named Forest for his quiet nature and the many sticks and leaves caught in his hair, but he spun magic between his fingers like a born Fae. "On dirait qu'il possède une certaine énergie spirituelle..." 6
Holding the luminous rock that Archer had given him, which cast slight shadows onto his face, Forest indeed looked like a magical creature of the forest.
“Pretty,” Link murmured as he approached the pair. He leaned next to Forest, eyeing the stone over the hylian’s shoulder. “Is it some sort of magical rock?”
Archer beckoned for the rock back, and Forest obliged, handing it over. Archer grinned, and then, to Link’s shock and horror, took a literal bite out of the rock.
“NO! Spit it out!” Link panicked, already grabbing for the offending forbidden snack.
Archer cackled, dancing out of the way. Link was horrified to see that the rock somehow had pieces missing, and to see Archer was crunching rock with his teeth. What was this hylian made of?!
"Tuon täytyy olla kivuliasta." 7
The dry tone had Link looking over at Colors — so named for his four-colored tunic — who was watching Archer chew the rock with a fascinated look. Colors’ eyes flashed violet as he gave Archer an analytical once-over, considering the impossibility that was Archer. “Onko tuo magiaa vai ovatko hampaasi erikoiset? Vai onko tuo kivi jotenkin pehmeä?" 8
When Archer popped the rest of the rock in his mouth, Link gave up.
He turned, heading over to where Cape was walking and eyeing the rest of the group with unconcealed amusement. “You’re sane,” Link told Cape. “I’m sticking with you.”
Cape, named for the white one he wore, snorted softly. "Truputi per daug tau, Prieblanda?" 9 Cape chuckled, raising an eyebrow as he flicked his eyes to the others. Link shrugged. Sure, whatever, that’s probably right. Maybe.
Smiling, Cape’s attention drifted away, his hands fingering the hilt of the mystical sword at his side, yet another curiosity in everything that had been going on.
Link’s only hint to the identity of his unexpected travelling companions was that the Master Sword could be held by each and every one of them. He wasn’t sure why Cape happened to be the only one to carry it, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out something regarding the identities of his new associates. Somehow, for some reason, he’d ended up with other Heroes.
Just his luck.
An enraged cry and a splash had Link turning, upon which he and Cape shared a laugh. Crab was sitting in a small pond off the path, a frog sitting on his head and an irritated expression on his face.
"Vėjas kurį laiką džiovins jo drabužius,” 10 Cape chuckled to himself.
Link hummed in reply. Yep, I don’t understand a word.
“污糟貓,” 11 Scarf, his blue namesake wrapped around his neck, rolled his eyes, bending down to help Crab. However, instead of offering him a hand or something similar, the scarf-clad hylian instead picked up Crab entirely and tucked the smaller hylian under his arm. Crab, absolutely soaked from his impromptu dip in a nearby pond, wet tunic and hair plastered to his skin, looked like a disgruntled wet cat.
Scarf sighed to himself, continuing to walk down the path with Crab under one arm. “你听我讲，我系最有品味的.” 12 Scarf pinched his nose between his forefingers, looking absolutely appalled with the rest of them.
“What do you think, Old Man?” Link asked, glancing over at Shade who had joined him and Cape.
Shade raised an eyebrow. “Whit dae A think o whit?” 13
“This,” Link gestured expansively at the motley crew surrounding them.
Shade shrugged. “It’s mair carfuffle than A’v seen in a great whiles.” 14
"Nevalgyk! " 15 Cape shouted, suddenly springing forward towards Forest, who was raising a suspicious looking mushroom to his mouth. Forest, eyes wide at the advance, promptly shoved the whole thing in his mouth.
"C't'à moi !" Forest mumbled around the mushroom, his expression petulant. "Trouve t'en un autre !" 16
While Colors, Cape and Shade suddenly became preoccupied with trying to ensure Forest didn’t die from eating a strange mushroom, Link groaned, and put his head in his hands.
“Gods, what did I do to deserve this?” He asked aimlessly. “This is a nightmare.”
Link glared up into the sky, hoping that the Goddess of Heroes could feel his burning gaze from here. “Hylia, why the hell didn’t you provide some sort of magical translation?” Link shouted into the sky. “In what universe did you think this was a good idea?!”
Link gestured expansively to where Archer was still crunching on rocks, the trio of Cape, Colors and Shade were trying to bribe Forest to spit out the mushroom, Scarf was still carrying a soaked Crab under one arm, and Grumpy was twirling a staff that was shooting flames out into the bushes.
“This is a disaster in the making!”
Elsewhere, in the far off reaches of the Shadow Realm, and yet also quite nearby, the entity known as Dark Link cackled slightly as he watched the chaos unfold. “What,” the shadow snickered. “You thought I’d make things easy on you?”
And, in another elsewhere, the White Goddess Hylia looked down on her Heroes and their rather significant language barriers.
“Look,” the Goddess said to no one in particular. “Google Translate hasn’t been invented yet. I am trying my best here but it's hard to hire a translation team to get out to the Spirit Realm that quickly. And most of you rarely talk! Forgive me for being surprised when, together, you all talk in more than just ‘Hyahs!’”
- - -
1. “Stop it! You’ll set the forest on fire!” Back
2. “You children… stop climbing on them!” Back
3. “Put me down!" - "I need to teach him not to mess with a sailor!” Back
4. "Mine. Don't touch!” Back
5. "Try it!" Back
6. “What is it? Something magical?” - "It does hold some spiritual energy…” Back
7. “That’s got to be painful.” Back
8. "Is that magic or are your teeth special? Or is that rock somehow soft?" Back
9. “Little bit much for you, Twilight?” Back
10. “Wind is going to be drying his clothes for awhile,” Back
11. "Come on, dirty cat," (semi-affectionate address to friends) Back
12. "I’m the only adult here. And the only one with fashion sense.” Back
13. "What do I think of what?" Back
14. "It's more excitement than I've seen in a great while." Back
15. “Don’t eat that!” Back
16. “Mine!” Forest mumbled around the mushroom, his expression petulant. “Get yer own!” Back