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Once or twice a season, the Boston Flowers choose an away series to drive to, usually a neighboring state for convenience, but sometimes they shoot farther when spirits are high and the situation isn’t dire.
The Expansion Era had not been kind to the team-- far from it-- but the last two seasons were dull enough to safely warrant a bigger expedition. After their first home series, the team packs their bags, pull straws to determine carpool seating, and start heading south.
It goes as well as one would expect.
Location: Brock Forbes’ truck
Passengers: Brock Forbes, Zeboriah Wilson, Inez Owens, Gloria Bugsnax
“Why does Zeb get to control the music?” Gloria complains from the backseat. Xe clutches onto Brock’s headrest to poke xyr head over the front console.
“Sorry, Gloria. Seniority rules.” Zeboriah offers a lighthearted smile in apology. “But if you want me to switch the song, all you need to do is ask.”
“When are we gonna get to my music?” Xe whines instead.
“Well, we’re currently listening to a CD I burned back in the 90s, and I have a couple more where that came from.” He shows off the hefty CD binder resting on his lap, flipping through its many pages. Some are labelled. Most aren’t.
Gloria groans.
“Come on, it’s not that bad. Most of these reached the top forty during their heyday.” Zeb pauses the disc player, turning to face the rest of the party. “What are the kids into these days, anyhow?”
Brock huffs. “Asking the wrong guy.”
“Inez?”
Inez, who had been content to exist as an amorphous sheet of bees on the car seat, collects herself enough to pull her tablet out of her bag. It’s another minute before her AAC app responds– ZINNIAS.
“Oh, good choice,” Zeboriah replies. Brock nods in agreement.
“I can show you.” Gloria snaps in mild frustration, reaching to plug xyr lPod into the cassette adapter. “There. Listen to that.”
Zeboriah shrugs, seemingly not interested in questioning anything about xyr music tastes.
“Sure, we’ll give it a go.” He ejects his CD, putting it back into its sleeve.
Brock eyes Gloria as xe reaches for the volume dial.
“Gloria.”
Xe pauses. “What?”
“Who’s the artist.”
“Just some underground guy. You wouldn’t know him.”
The music is still quiet, not loud enough for anyone besides Gloria to discern who it is. On Brock’s list of general dislikes, loud noises and surprises fall just under legumes. He adjusts his grip on the steering wheel.
“Humor me.”
Gloria scrunches xir face.
“Alright, fine,” xe finally replies, albeit petulantly. “His name is Skrillex.”
Right before the bass drops, Gloria cranks the dial.
Location: Lenny Spruce Sedan
Passeners: Lenny Spruce, Dunn Keyes, Margarito Nava, Adalberto Tosser
“So,” Dunn sings over Margo’s Jimmy Bluffet CD. “Brock has told us next to nothing about you.”
Bertie laughs, still out of his element. Xe plays it off well despite having not talked to anyone outside of the Crabs for the past three decades.
“That’s not much of a surprise. He’s told me about you, at least.”
Dunn’s eyes go wide, almost sparkling. “Oh really? Like what?”
“Donut, don’t interrogate the new guy,” Margo replies from the passenger seat.
“I’m not! This is obviously playful banter.”
Adalberto waves xem off. “It’s alright, I don’t mind.”
“You’ll regret saying that.”
“Shush!” Dunn swats the back of xir headrest. “Anyway. As you were saying?” She bats her eyelashes expectantly.
“Well,” Adalberto starts, still not exactly sure what to say. Sure, Brock has told them about Dunn, but that’s like saying a puddle counts as a swimming pool. “He told me that you’re very fashionable, which I already see is true. You help him around the garden, as well?”
Dunn nods. Her hoop earrings catch in the light. “Apparently he had never used a trowel before coming here, and now he’s as green as the Moss Woman.”
Adalberto raises an eyebrow. “The Moss Woman?”
“You’ll meet her eventually.” Dunn pulls a leg up onto the seat. “But Brock really must’ve not told you much.”
Bertie cracks a smile. “I didn’t marry him for his eloquence, that’s for sure.”
Margo pushes xir sunglasses into xir hair. “Forbes is married?”
“Margo!” Dunn squeals, loud enough make Lenny brace the steering wheel. “You didn’t know?”
“No? How was I supposed to!”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the wedding band?”
“Could’ve very easily been one of his championship rings.” Bertie barks out a laugh which draws Dunn’s attention back to them.
“Don’t tell me you eloped like Margo and Nic did.”
Bertie sucks in a breath. “I mean… we weren’t getting married for traditional reasons, so does it really count as eloping?”
Dunn gasps. “I cannot believe this! You too?!”
“Sorry to say.”
Before Adalberto can wonder if Dunn is actually upset, her tone immediately shifts. “Can I plan your vow renewals?”
“Our what?”
“Not again,” Margo interjects. Dunn smacks xir headrest a second time.
“Don’t listen to xem. I’m great at planning parties! From quinceñeras to bridal showers to retirement parties– you two wouldn’t have to foot the bill, either.”
Bertie muses aloud. “I’m sure Brock wouldn’t mind.”
“Yes!” Dunn exclaims, opening the notes app on her phone. Her fingers sit poised over the keyboard. “Now to get started… how do you feel about being lassoed?”
Location: Glabe Moon’s hatchback
Passengers: Glabe Moon, Zesty Yaboi, Scores Baserunner, Nic Winkler
Zesty cranks her seat forward, freeing Nic from having his legs crushed. “I’m hungry. Is anyone else hungry?”
Glabe hums. “Now that you mention it, I suppose I am.” She motions with a free hand. “Scores, could you open the cooler in the middle console?”
Scores looks up, taking out an earbud. She sets aside the notepad she’s been shakily penciling onto and unzips the cooler.
“Zesty,” Scores starts, digging deeper into the cooler. “Did you forget your one job?”
Zesty twists in her seat to face them. “No...? I thought my job was to take care of the aux.”
Nic looks between the two, then at the contents of the open cooler. He cringes.
Scores motions at the wide array of multicolored energy drinks and clear lack of anything else. “You were supposed to pack the lunches.”
“Yo, what?” Zesty flips their sunglasses up. “Y’all need to specify who you’re directing jobs at when you’re dishing ‘em out!”
“I’m certain I was very clear when assigning tasks. In what universe is this much necessary?”
“I didn’t wanna waste any space so I packed as much as I could!”
“And nothing else?”
“Listen. They were on sale at Dollar Gleneral.”
Scores sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“You sure you don't wanna try one? They’re good.” Scores’ eye twitches.
Nic taps the window, pointing at a road sign. “We’ve been driving for a couple hours, yeah? Don’t see why we can’t take a quick pit stop and grab some food on the way out.”
“Not a bad idea…” Glabe comments over her shoulder. “I should probably stretch, anyway. Staying human for this long is a bit of a neck cramp. And we’re still on schedule for arrival?”
Nic checks his phone. “I think so. We can’t be too far behind the rest of the team.”
Zesty whoops from the front seat and grabs a Mlonster Energy from the unzipped cooler. Scores gags.
Location: Jacob Haynes’ Honda
Passengers: Jacob Haynes, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, Chorby Short, Cory-12
[I SPY] Cory beeps, not for the first time and certainly not the last. [A MAGMATIC FORMATION USED AS A SUBSTITUTION FOR ASBESTOS.]
Chorby sits with her feet tucked up against her chest in the back seat. Her voice is soft and distant, barely audible over the car’s AC.
“Is it… basalt.”
[AFFIRMATIVE.] A little 8-bit melody rings out. [WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN?]
“Sure.”
Jacob doesn’t mind the repetitive game, namely because it means he doesn’t have to keep the party entertained while driving. The occasional rock fact is also a plus. Jaylen’s aggressive leg bouncing tells a different story.
“Are you two seriously going to keep playing this stupid game for the whole ride? Because I will jump out of the car and hitchhike the rest of the way.”
[MAYBE YOU WOULD ENJOY THE GAME IF YOU WERE MORE OF A TEAM SPLORT.]
Jaylen’s nails dig into the seat cover as she stares Cory down. “What did you just say to me?”
“Cory called you a killjoy,” Chorby quietly adds. “I agree.”
Jaylen growls.
“Bold fuckin’ words coming from you. Couldn’t even hit a ball if your teammates’ lives depended on it.”
Jacob pretends like this isn’t happening. “Should we get some air? I think we should get some air. Jaylen, could you call Margo t–”
“At least I can throw a ball... without hurting others… unlike some people.”
Jacob regrets passing the gas station as soon as Jaylen unlocks her seat belt and lunges at Chorby.
Location: Lenny Spruce’s Sedan
Passeners: Lenny Spruce, Margarito Nava, Dunn Keyes, Adalberto Tosser
“--And some people say there’s a woman to blame!” Dunn points to Bertie.
“But I know!” Xe gleefully shouts as Lenny accompanies with the instrumentals. “Take it, Margo!”
“It’s my own damn fault!”
Before they start into the second verse, Dunn’s phone rings. She quickly hushes everyone, mouthing It’s Jacobto the rest of the car.
“Oh, hey Jacob! I’m putting you on speaker.” Dunn taps a button with the pad of her finger and moves to hold her phone up in the air.
The voice on the other end sounds strained. “Awesome, yeah. Great! Uh, hey Margo, hey Lenny, hey Bertie.”
“Everything okay over there, Haynes?” Margo asks.
“Just… peachy!” Jacob grits out, barely audible over unintelligible shouting and beeping in the background. “I think I’m gonna pull over at the next exit. Gas looks uh…low. Stretch break sound good with everyone else?”
Dunn and Bertie exchange a look, who then eye Margo through the rear view. Xe looks equally concerned.
“Of course!” Dunn chirps. “Well, I’m gonna hang up now. Don’t wanna keep you on call too long while driving.”
“Sure, yeah. Talk to you soon.”
“Yep! Drive safe!”
Before they can end the call, Jaylen’s voice cuts in.
“YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE FAXED OUT AFTER I’M DONE WITH YOU–”
Location: Steps outside of the Virginia Visitor Center
Adalberto stretches his arms above his head until he feels something pop. “So, how’s driving.”
“Manageable,” Brock says as he takes a hit from his vape with a little too much eagerness. “How’s Dunn.”
“I can see why you like her so much.” Xe scans the steps in front of the visitor’s center for the iconic flash of lilac hair. “Hopefully it goes both ways.”
“It will.” The admittance releases some extra tension in xyr shoulders.
“Did you really not tell them that you’re married?”
Brock shrugs. “Took a while to tell everyone else.”
“Got me there.”
Dunn can be heard before she’s seen– cheerfully thanking a stranger for holding the door open so she didn’t have to hip check it. She’s holding an iced coffee in one hand and a brightly colored soda in the other.
“Brock! I got you something!”
She offers the coffee to Brock, but upon seeing his vape pen, passes it to Adalberto.
“Oh, I don’t drink caffeine,” Bertie tries to edge in, but he’s holding the coffee already. He’ll pass it to Margarito later.
Brock pulls a five out of his pocket, motioning it to Dunn.
“You can pay me back by letting me ride shotgun.” Dunn grins, wide.
Brock retracts his hand with another shrug.
“What?” Bertie edges in.
“Didn’tcha hear?” Dunn cracks open her drink with one of her perfectly manicured nails. “Margo said we’re all switching cars so we don’t end up with another Jaylen incident.”
“I did, but that doesn’t mean you can steal my seat.” Bertie looks to see if Brock would back xem up on this. He doesn’t.
“You can ride with Brock on the way back!” Dunn is already skipping towards Brock’s truck. Moments later, the passenger door closes with a loud thunk. Adalberto sighs.
“Guess I wasn’t that good at winning her over,” xe murmurs.
Brock bumps his shoulder against xem. “Be patient.”
Adalberto elbows him back. “You know I’m terrible at that.”
“Hey!” Dunn shouts from across the parking lot, startling them as well as several strangers. “Where’s Zesty?”
Location: Hills surrounding Virginia Visitor Center
Zeboriah sits on the edge of the wooded area, just close enough to still hear the crunch of grass underneath Cory’s treads. Chorby sits beside him with his arm in her lap, weaving a bracelet out of dandelions.
“Find anything good?” Zeboriah calls from over his shoulder.
[NEGATIVE. I AM RESERVING SPACE IN MY INTERNAL STORAGE FOR SAMPLES OF THE PARTY ROCK.]
Zeboriah hums. “Never heard of that one before.”
[IT IS ENDEMIC TO MIAMI. AND HIGHLY GUARDED.]
“We’ll have to see what all the hooplah’s about, then.”
“I would like that,” Chorby adds, done with Zeboriah’s bracelet. He smiles, lightly shaking his arm to better feel its shape.
A cheery tune rings out of Cory-12’s speakers.
Location: Exxon
Nic’s phone vibrates. It’s Margarito requesting to Facetime.
Margo is holding xir phone to get both the forested skyline and the ‘Virginia is for Lovers’ sign in frame. Xe’s squinting against the sun, even while wearing sunglasses.
“Winkler.”
“Nava.”
“Where are you?”
Nic motions with his head. “Just stopping for gas.”
Margo looks up from xir phone to survey the surrounding area. “Which gas station?”
“It’s a Exxon off Route 99.”
Margo pauses. “The last Exxon passed was twenty minutes ago.”
“Twenty minutes… How did you know that?”
“‘Got caught on X playing the alphabet game.”
“I see.” Nic scratches his face. “So what you’re saying is–”
“Get your ass to Virginia.”
Nic instinctively straightens his posture.
“Aye aye captain,” Nic salutes.
“And another thing.” Margo pushes xir sunglasses into xir hair briefly. “Hotdogfingers almost caused Haynes to collide with a semi-truck, so we’re breaking up his carpool. One of you is switching out for her.”
An eyebrow raise.
“Does that mean I get to ride with you?”
“You’re one of the few people she tolerates. Obviously not.”
“Was worth a try,” Nic sighs. “Got it. Anything else?”
“That’s it. I’ll see you in twenty.”
“Be there in ten.”
“Pretending I didn’t hear that. Love you.”
Nic smirks back. “Love you too.”
Nic ends the call and immediately turns to the other three who have been casually eating at a picnic table.
“Alright, pack it up! Turns out we’re way behind everyone else.”
Glabe blinks. “I was unaware.”
“Whoopths,” Zesty says through a mouth full of french fries. Scores is already collecting their trash.
“We wouldn’t be behind schedule if somebody had any sense for reading nutritional labels,” Scores complains.
“I thaid I wath thowwy!”
“Life’s a garden, Scores. Gotta dig it.” He turns to Glabe. “You’re okay with going over the speed limit?”
“In cases of emergency, yes.”
“Great.” Nic spins back on his heel. “Also one of you has to swap out for Jaylen.”
“I’ll go.” Scores raises her hand.
“No, I don’t wanna be stuck with crazy ass!” Zesty complains.
“You can still control the aux.”
“Shit… alright I’ll manage.” Zesty slides into the passenger seat in one smooth motion, shutting the door behind her. “Hopefully Jaylen likes breakcore.” Scores instinctively puts her earbuds back in.
Glabe settles back into her human form as she adjusts the mirrors. “Alright kids, buckle up. This may get a little bumpy.”
She waits until she hears the final click of the metal fasteners, and then she floors it.