Archive of Our Own ^beta

“sana, can you hear me?” the voice rang into her ears in the shape of an echo. her eyes opened at the sound, at least they attempted too, pupils not being able to adapt to the strong light beaming from above. the blurriness in her eyes eventually faded, and sana was able to take in the motion of either the ceiling above her, or the stretcher underneath.

“sana,” she was called out for once again. “can you hear me?”

“yes,” she hadn't realized how badly her throat was hurting until she heard the raspiness in her voice. “i can hear you.” a head suddenly blocked out the white blinding lights, the contrast too severe for sana to tell who exactly she was hearing.

she knew the feeling all too well- of waking up disoriented and lost and then slowly remembering her last moments of consciousness. she’d been warned way too many times for her to not know where she was. it turns out, that if the doctor tells you not to drink alcohol with certain medicines, you should listen to them. the mistake was to be expected. sana didn’t feel safe at home any longer. maybe passing out in her room with alcohol bottles surrounding her was only a cry for help.

she answered questions with zero reasoning. the current date and the place she was born in didn’t seem like something she’d have to put much thought on. the stretcher was shoved against two opening and pivoting doors. the moving stopped and the lights faded.

sana was a sad girl. sana was a conflicted girl. she had too many diagnoses to keep up with. she was also joyful sometimes, and felt like she owned the world, like she was invincible- but her parents weren’t the biggest fans of the shifts in her personality, and hardly believed anything she said. she was only ten when she went to the psychiatrist and was prescribed with medication that made her feel drowsy and lost.

the doctors and nurses came and went. she was stabilized quicker than usual- eating her three meals of the day and taking whatever pills she was given. sana spent two days in the stretcher and was then taken to her room. she was no stranger to mental health wards. she enjoyed them, actually. when things got hard for her, she was able to have this sort of getaway, where she didn’t have to worry about college or her parents or her friends. everyone in the place was as broken as she was, and she found beauty in that.

her grandma- she saw her- she swore by that. “sana, sweetheart, i’m here…” her voice was as angelic as ever, and the weakness that the days of yore brought didn’t make it any less harmonious. “can you hear me?” sana was at bliss, nodding frantically, tears in her eyes as she watched the old woman approach. she spent the day with her. the forehead kisses and the hugs were incessant, and sana’s smile seemed permanent, but her parents didn’t find any grace in the story she excitedly came home to tell. they exchanged worried looks, looking past sana, where she swore her obaasan stood, and simply found emptiness. she was taken to her psychiatrist the next day, and the ones that followed were painfully foggy, all because the doses of her medication had increased, and her grandma was gone.

sana was teased as a kid. she was called names and was put in high-stress and triggering situations that got the best of her. she wasn’t crazy, as much as she heard the word throughout her life. she was different. she had a hard time dealing with her emotions and maybe the line between what was imaginary and what was real was fuzzier to her than to others, but she wasn’t crazy.

“sana?” she turned her head and saw a woman’s head peeking through the door. “is it okay if i come in?” she nodded, suddenly threatened, head lowering as she sat on her bed. “i’m nurse chou.”

“hello,” she whispered. “i’m sana.”

“i know. you have a beautiful name,” the smile that the woman sent seemed genuine. sana found it endearing, despite it being likely forced. “i’m here to help you, okay? anything you need, you can look for me.”

“thank you.”

“i’ll see you around...” sana only sent a nod, then a shy smile. the woman left. she wasn’t the biggest fan of the nurses in psych wards. the were invariably stressed and took out their anger on the patients, specially those that meant no physical harm to them, like sana.

she didn’t have violent outbursts. quite the opposite. the kids at school often looked terrified whenever she had panic attacks, and she hated it, because she knew that the only threat she could ever be to was herself.

the door knocked. “minatozaki sana,” two nurses came in with the same navy-blue uniforms the previous had been in. “22, delusional and bipolar disorder. substance abuse and suicide attempt. you got that?” the other nurse nodded with a clipboard in his hand and a pen in the other. “how are you feeling, sana?”

she was going through an emotional low and that was okay. it was temporal. it was normal. she sometimes couldn't understand the big deal about having lows and highs- everyone had them. she knew, however, that the issue lied with the fact that her highs were too high, and her lows were too low. the emptiness inside her was too numbing. it was hard to feel anything at all. she'd rather feel sad, angry, frustrated- but feeling nothing, that was what really took a toll on her.

“i’m hungry.” she confessed.

a light laugh left the man's lips. “lunch will be served in a while. will you come with me?”

“where?”

“the head nurse wants to meet you.” she nodded. the visit was brief. she was told the rules of the place and the things they expected from her. she'd have to cross an explicitly drawn line to be transferred to the south wing, where surveillance was more intense and her privacy would eventually become inexistent. she nodded understandingly every time. this wasn't her first in one of these. it won't be the last either. she was okay with that.

sana watched the oddly nice nurse sit in front of her as she ate her lunch by herself. “hey,” she greeted with a smile despite her neutral tone. “are they being tough on you?” she looked back to the nurses standing in front of the main desk.

“i’m used to it.” she shrugged indifferently. there was something about sana's diagnosis that made nurses be more annoyed at her than with other patients. the constant judgmental look on their faces and the imponent tone was something that sana barely even noticed after so many years of being marginalized in a place full of marginalized people. it was as ironic just as it was sad.

“you shouldn’t. you’ve given them no reason to yell at you.”

“i know,” sana suddenly breathed out, looking at the woman for a moment. her big eyes were comforting, even if they lacked emotion. “what’s your name?”

the woman looked around her cautiously. “i’m not supposed to disclose that,” she looked back to sana, whose shoulders dropped in embarrassment. she had forgotten for a second how strict the nurse-patient dynamics were. “unless you keep that between us.”

“i will.”

“i’ll see if i can trust you,” she took out a foil-wrapped chocolate that looked just like the one sana had on a corner of her plate. she smiled at the gesture of the woman giving her the extra dessert she'd asked for and was obviously denied. “i’ll see you around, sana.” she left. sana followed her movements; her steps barely audible- careful yet confident, until she disappeared after walking into one of the hallways.

the woman- whose name was a mystery- wasn't the only friendly person sana met that day. another patient introduced herself as chaeyoung, conveniently extroverted, also very frank. "i keep fucking up at killing myself," she admitted with a shameless laugh. "what about you?"

"i get carried away sometimes."

"i'm sure it isn't even that bad. people around here are too dramatic," sana's eyes scanned over the tattoos on her arms, slightly widening at the colorful strokes of ink. "you like them?" chaeyoung asked once she followed sana's gaze. the woman nodded. "i'll go now before i steal those... which i'm offended about, by the way. i begged the woman over there to spare me an extra one." sana looked down at the two desserts in the corner of her plate. she wondered why the nurse would do that for her. it was only one silly broken rule- a couple hundred extra calories won't hurt anybody, but she wondered what other rules she was willing to break...

a lot, apparently.

the head nurse was very specific with the hours in the place's daily routine. sana was expected to wake up before eight in the morning, and was sent to her room by nine. the last nurse she was supposed to see everyday was the one that gave her medication at that time, so why was there a knock on her door fifteen minutes after that?

her name was tzuyu. she revealed it the third night she gave sana an impromptu visit. they would always start with routinary questions. she checked that the windows were closed and made sure that the bathroom was free of hazardous items, but she would often sit in the chair on the opposite side to sana's bed, and she'd just ask- about sana's life, her studies, her family. what weirded her out the most was how easy it was for her to answer each and every question. maybe it was tzuyu's attentive mannerisms, or maybe it was how pleased she looked with everything sana said despite it being good or bad, but sana was always left with a smile every time she left at 9:30 sharp.

"wear your hair like that more often." sana turned her head, diverting her gaze from the tv in front towards tzuyu. her hand moved up, feeling the strands of her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"why?" sana asked.

"you look pretty," the words slipped out her mouth with ease. "prettier than usual." sana was at a loss of words, but tzuyu made things easy for her when she turned around her heel and left.

sana didn't see tzuyu often. she guessed tzuyu switched wings throughout her shifts, but when she did, she felt like the woman paid more of her attention towards sana than to any other person in the room. sana was sometimes too numb to care about it, but the chills running down her spine at the ways tzuyu occasionally expressed herself with were always present.

days passed and she woke up one day feeling extremely joyful. she loved how the warm water felt against her skin and thought the food was delicious. she went outside. her feet moved faster than usual. thoughts flashed through her mind with rapidness and she found each and every one of them hilarious. the wind and the sun outside called out for her. she barely took in the presence of others around her when she made her way out the sliding glass-doors. the park was nicer than what she recalled from the previous days. the swaying tree branches looked like hands waving at her, and she gladly reciprocated the greeting by climbing on of them. the curves and dents of the thick branch supported her like a nice lounge chair. she looked up with squinting eyes, staring at the blurry dots of light that made it past the small gaps of the leaves above.

sana heard the crunching sound of leaves getting stepped on get louder over time. "you should get down from there, sana," she turned her head, seeing tzuyu standing not far from the tree, looking up to sana. "come." she insisted.

sana giggled. "no, it's fine! i'm fine. i'm great."

"you're gonna get hurt," sana knew that wouldn't happen. she thought people worried too much about things going wrong. she couldn't understand the fear of falling or failing, not when she felt like this. "come with me. i want to show you a place." was tzuyu a good nurse? was that why she knew sana wouldn't resist the temptation of finding out what the mystery place was? or did she actually wanted to show her the place? sana found it hard to read between the lines of tzuyu being good at her job or simply being a good- friend?

she jumped off the tree without really measuring any distances. tzuyu gasped when she fell on her butt, but her face softened the moment sana started laughing. sana walked behind her. the psych ward was located in the outskirts in the city. sana found the thought of being in the middle of nowhere terrifying, but the endless meadows and the bright shades of green that made it to the horizon line made up for it. "am i allowed here?" sana asked the moment her and tzuyu crossed the barrier of trees and were faced with a hill that was covered in tiny daisies.

"i'm not sure. you're here, though. enjoy it." and sana listened. she walked around and yanked the flowers from the grass, over and over again. tzuyu watched her, sitting on the top, giving sana small encouraging nods and smiles. sana would often try to tone down her manic episodes when she was in the presence of others, but tzuyu's vibe was so reassuring and her gaze was always so far from judging that sana felt like she could be herself.

that was another thing one would think was because of the woman's job- to take care of the patients and treat them in compliance to whatever mental illnesses brought them to the place, but why was she the only nurse that didn't shove pills down her throat to fade away her unreasonable excitement? "you're fun," sana confessed, breathless, plopping down next to tzuyu. tzuyu looked at her with a piercing look, eyes almost cold but sana found nothing but comfort in them. tzuyu had a gaze sana sometimes found herself thinking about- even when she felt like she couldn't think about anything. her face looked surreal with her prepotent eyebrows and the small and precise bridge of her nose. "you're pretty."

she watched the way the corners of tzuyu's mouth lifted at the sound of her words. "i'm glad to see you happy. you'd been so down ever since you got here."

"i feel great," sana leaned into her, finding it hard to perceive boundaries of any sort. she pressed her face against the crook of tzuyu's neck so naturally, the ponytail she always wore with her uniform making it easy for sana to smell, just because. maybe right and wrong were left in limbo to tzuyu as well. "i like the way you break the rules." sana whispered against the skin, her lips brushing against it. nervous goosebumps surfaced later on as a response.

tzuyu raised her hand, grabbing sana by the jaw, withdrawing her face away from her and tilting it so their eyes could meet. sana felt her eyes darken at the newfound thirst for tzuyu. she knew it was mutual, because tzuyu's pupils had grown two sizes that moment her eyes fell on sana's. "i can think of another few." the woman whispered, enough for the two of them to hear, as if dangerous ears wandered around them.

it was unspoken. it was reciprocated. it was wrong. it was necessary.

tzuyu came to visit one night. it was routinary, like everything else. her occasional absence during the day always subsided with the knock the echoed through the walls of sana's room every time the lights were turned off. this time, tzuyu found sana staring down at her hand, three pills on her palm. "did he leave without making sure you took those?" tzuyu quickly asked.

"he looked busier than usual." sana said, referring to the nurse that had bursted into the door with his phone between his shoulder and ear. he spoke to what sana guessed was his wife, looking as frustrated as ever while he took sana's vitals, and having enough of the woman on the phone, leaving the pills on the nightstand by her bed.

she grabbed and stared at them the whole time since he left until tzuyu had come in. the pills made her feel less anxious, they regulated her extreme emotions and made the shifts of her mood less drastic, but she had been enjoying her high too much. she felt drunk in happiness and joy and taking the pill would affect that. "moron," tzuyu scoffed. "don't take the blue one, though," sana looked at tzuyu with a flabbergasted expression. "you don't need it."

"what?" she managed to breathe out. being nice and friendly was something that sana found unusual in tzuyu's attitudes as her nurse, but contradicting her psychiatric's prescription was something sana would have never imagined.

"trust me, sana. they give you stuff that you don't need. i know your case and i know your diagnoses and i know you don't need the blue pill." sana hesitated in asking anything further. she wasn't the biggest fan of medication, but it'd been a constant in her life that had never been demonized by anyone around her.

"will i get in trouble for that?"

"not if you don't tell anybody," tzuyu smiled. sana watched tzuyu step forward until she was able to grab sana's chin with her firm hands. sana took her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched tzuyu stare down at her like something she could eat, something she could play with. the difference of power was clear. sana knew how vulnerable she was compared to tzuyu, maybe that was why tzuyu won't do anything about the way sana's mouth watered every time she looked at her like that. "get some sleep." the woman gently used her thumb to pull sana's lip out of the grip of her teeth.

"i can't," sana whispered, the pace of her heart and the rushing blood cruising through her veins making it impossible the even think about sleeping. she was so anxious, so desperate, so needy of adrenaline. "get me out of here. i can't bear these four walls."

"you know i can't do that," sana felt tzuyu let go of her. she sighed in disappointment at the way tzuyu braced herself to leave. "promise me you'll take the other too. those you need. they will help you sleep," sana didn't realize she had been clutching the pills with her tightened fist until tzuyu's hand unrolled her fingers. she took the blue pill, then put it inside her pocket, and waited for sana to follow her instructions as she stood in silence. sana did, downing the tiny paper cup with her eyes on tzuyu's. the woman stared back with the same intensity, kneeling down at some point, her hand landing on sana's bouncing leg, chuckling at the way it settled underneath her hand. "you look so pretty when you're hyper." tzuyu looked up to her. sana's eyes were glued to the hand on her leg, breath hitched at the way fingers curled around it.

"help me." sana weakly pleaded, feeling the hand move up, towards the inside of her thigh, her hips bucking embarrassingly.

tzuyu licked her lips, her grip tightening around sana's quivering leg. "with what?" she asked, tone full of seriousness, looking almost angry at the way sana was giving up to her touch.

sana's highs enhanced everything, and tzuyu made it hard to contain herself with those regnant eyes of hers. sana hated the doubt. she wanted to tell tzuyu that she didn't mind being used and discarded if the price for it was having tzuyu's hands all over her. "you know what." tzuyu snorted out a laugh. her hand retreated and only then sana was able to realize how long it'd been since she last took a breath.

"goodnight, sana." she left the room without speaking another word. sana sighed, throwing her body back until it met the mattress. she could hear her heartbeat. she could feel it between her legs. tzuyu's depart forced her hand to travel between her legs with the image of those cold eyes imprinted in her mind. she didn't sleep that night.

sana was starting to get sick of the episode. the downside to the absurd energy boost and the anxiousness to do everything her mind could come up with was the way her body would slowly start to give up on herself. she wished she could fix the relationship between her mind and her body, be in more control of herself when it's necessary. the day had passed and all sana could do was eat and anxiously pace around the backyard. her legs hurt and the hours under the strong sun were making her head ache. despite her body begging for a break, her mind always won the battle. she was her own prisoner. "sana! you've been out too long. come back inside," sana walked to the nurse that was waiting for her in the other side of the door. the woman eyed her up and down, quickly noticing sana's wobbling legs and her fidgety fingers. "you have to deal with your highs inside too. it's not up for discussion. regulate yourself."

sana was taken to her room early after meeting with her psychiatrist during dinner. the woman was quick to formulate a new prescription that she handed to the head nurse. sana had no saying in whatever the woman decided, so why would she waste her energy speaking? a nod was enough for her to be dismissed. the nurse handed sana the pills while she sat on the bed, only one of them had changed. sana took the first two, overexaggerating her gulps and breaths to lower the nurse's guard. by the third one, the woman simply smiled when sana handed her the empty cup and eventually left. sana spit out the bull pill inside the toilet. she flushed it. the blue pill was definitely the strongest she took. she felt less lost and had an easier time piecing her thoughts together. was tzuyu right when she said sana didn't need it?

sana went to bed but she was far from staying still. she rolled over repeatedly, finding no comfortable position. she didn't notice the door opening and closing, and only took in tzuyu's presence when she felt the weight on her bed. "hey, hey..." the woman grabbed sana's cheek, looking down at her with concerned eyes. "it's okay. it will pass."

sana's uneven breath clashed against tzuyu's palm. she didn't mean to rub her lip against it, but she also didn't regret it, specially when she saw the way tzuyu clenched her jaw. "you keep looking at me like that." sana whined, her hand finding tzuyu's wrist, holding the hand in place, against her face, pressing it harder, enjoying the innocent friction.

tzuyu let her. the pleased look on her face made sana squirm even more in the bed. "i know. i can't help it."

"do something about it." sana whined.

tzuyu was uncertain. she wouldn't withdraw her hand from sana's face, but the look on her face frustrated sana. she wouldn't give in. she was sitting still, straight posture and feet on the ground, but her gaze was full of lust. sana could hear the way her breath left her parted lips, shaky and nervous. tzuyu battled morally- she was crossing all limits with sana. what started as an innocent extra dessert had turned into something that sana was brave enough to label as sexual- intimate. she knew her high had everything to do with the shift of her feelings towards tzuyu. tzuyu knew that too. she was her nurse, after all. so how wrong would it be for tzuyu to give sana what she wanted when she knew that it was an impulse of her high? wasn't it discriminatory to think of sana as someone vulnerable and incapable of making her own decisions because she had a mental disease?

"when your high passes," tzuyu brought sana back after getting lost in her own head. "will you feel the same way?" sana wouldn't lie to her. tzuyu deserved the same amount of transparency that sana did.

"i'm not horny when i'm sad," she confessed without delay. "but i like it when you're around. always. no matter what i'm going through."

tzuyu retreated her hand from sana's face, but sana was far from disappointed when she felt it land on her neck, skinny fingers gently curling around the column, applying enough pressure to make sana's breath hitch, but doing so with such speed that she wasn't even able to blink before she let go. "you can trust me," tzuyu traced her index finger between sana's covered breasts, her eyes glued to the woman underneath her. "but can i trust you?" it was hard to respond when that same finger had found its way down her stomach, past her shirt, and landing on the waistband of the pajama shorts that sana wore. the woman watched how it curled around it, lifting gently, only to quickly let go again, snapping sana out of the hypnotic trance she hadn't realized she was in. “answer me, sana.”

“you can trust me,” sana suddenly breathed out, not doubting her words, knowing no one more than her knew how to keep a secret. “i won’t say anything.”

tzuyu grabbed sana's hand, pulling at it, inviting her to sit up on the bed so their faces could level. “promise me that you’re sure about this.” tzuyu whispered, her warm breath feathering across sana's lips. she had to force herself to not stare down at the pair of lips that were pursed, expectant of an answer. instead, she kept her eyes glued to tzuyu's hesitant ones, using the intense contact as the irrefutable proof of her honesty.

“i promise.” sana wasn't ready to have her lips being pressed against tzuyu's firm ones. not even when the woman reached up to cup the side of her head with her hand, not even when she tilted her head to the side as she leant in. sana was only able to register her reality when she instinctively closed her eyes. tzuyu had doubted herself enough to bother in doing the same in the kiss. sana's promise and her unquestionable eyes had been enough for the woman to be sure that she could grab sana to her liking, kiss her as she pleased.

sana gasped into her mouth. she'd beenn squirming so much during the day, so desperate to feel something, and now her head was trapped between two large hands (that were giving no signs of letting go anytime soon) while a pair of merciless lips devoured her mouth. she tried. she really tried to kiss back and keep up with her, but tzuyu was too good with her mouth- her tongue asking for no permission to explore the walls of sana's mouth, and her teeth far from sorry when their incessant biting had sana hissing into her mouth. it was too much. and too good. sana felt like she could faint and this was clearly the beginning.

the kiss went on for minutes sana couldn't count. the passion of the kiss was still present, and even increased when sana threw her leg over tzuyu's lap. the woman groaned, angrily biting sana's lip as her hands settled on her hips, holding her close, and giving her no option of moving elsewhere. “tell me what you want,” tzuyu's raspy voice echoed through sana's ears, pecking her lips in the meantime, and sana couldn't find the courage to open her eyes in the midst of being hit by a wave of emotions. "exactly how you want it.”

sana wasn't sure how to word the dirty thoughts that were running through her head. she wondered how explicit she was supposed to get, not wanting tzuyu to think badly of her absurd arousal and need to be ravished. tzuyu, however, seemed to have read her thoughts, sensing the second-guessing, and briefly giving and end to it when her hands fell to sana's ass. sana gasped- audibly and breathlessly- when she felt her ass cheeks being spread out, squeezed, pulled towards tzuyu so their crotches could experience an indisputable friction that made both of them moan at the same time. sana pulled away, horrified at what she was feeling, unable to recognize herself with the adrenaline and desire running through her veins. “i want you to fuck me,” the words rolled out of her tongue in the form of a shaky whisper. “hard. very hard,” she watched very closely at the way tzuyu's eyes shifted from her eyes to her lips, back and forth, all while her pupils doubled their size and her once brown orbs were pitch black. “i don’t want you to hold back.”

tzuyu's hands were still on sana's ass. she forced sana against her again. harder. making sure that their eyes were glued together when she did. and then she did again, and she didn't stop until a weak moan rasped out of sana's lips, this time with no dissipater that could muffle out the sound. “how hard?” she asked through gritted teeth.

sana kissed her again. she felt in the capacity to dominate the kiss this time. at least that was what tzuyu made her believe when she let sana's fingers tangle with the roots of her hair, a gentle tug forcing her head to tilt back. it was her this time who slid her tongue in tzuyu's mouth, the woman's only out to meet hers halfway. “until i beg you to stop, and then some more.” sana whispered against her lips, knowing tzuyu understood her words better through the vibration against her mouth than the sound itself.

“stand up,” a tap on sana's thighs and the brief command suddenly reminded her she was far from being in control. she felt absurd, standing up before tzuyu could even finish speaking, obeying without question, expecting a reward for doing so. “take this off,” sana took the previsouly tugged shirt off. her heartbeat increased as she watched tzuyu's eyes wander through the bare skin of her torso. “so pretty…” the woman then stood up as well, circling sana like a predator circling its prey, settling behind her and pushing her hair to the side so her mouth could come close to sana's ear. “take these off too. take it all off,” the tug on sana's shorts was as gentle as the one on her shirt. sana was in the process of finding the waistband of her bottoms when tzuyu's hand unhooked her bra from behind, the loose garment naturally sliding off her arms the same time the rest of her clothes pooled around her toes. sana stood naked in the room, frozen in place, far from embarrassed and oddly glad that she had eyes burning on her skin. “good girl.” sana gasped when warm hands landed on her skin, travelling with no apparent destination and enjoying each and every corner of her naked body.

her thighs trembled at tzuyu's words, head falling back against the woman's shoulder as she allowed her to explore her bare skin, her head peeking from behind, looking down at sana's body as she touched wherever she pleased. “tzuyu…” sana whined, her hands landing on top of the woman's, silently begging for more as she felt the coolness of the air flowing through the dampness between her legs.

“be patient, sana,” sana gasped when she felt two palms on her breasts, squeezing gently, firmly. sana's weak fingers wrapped around her wrists, gasping out loud once she felt her gentle thumbs rubbing circles around her hardening nipples. “you like that?” the whisper that echoed through sana's ear forced goosebumps to appear on her skin.

sana nodded, eyes closing and jaw falling in disbelief at the reaction of her body at tzuyu's gentle ministrations. “i do.”

“so fucking gorgeous,” tzuyu flipped her around, her world spinning so helplessly and barely even registering the pair of lips that were planting open-mouthed kisses across her neck, down to her collarbone, past her chest... “look at me,” tzuyu commanded between pecks. sana struggled to open her eyes, the weight of her eyelids increasing, but she still had a perfect view of tzuyu knelt down, looking up to her, eyes full of lust. sana whined again, the sudden eye contact triggering once again that uncomfortable throbbing between her legs that only reminded her the painful neglect. “speak.”

sana had lost all self-composure by then. the ease that her mouth had spoken the following words with made her realize that. “fuck my pussy, please.”

“hm…” tzuyu chuckled, ending the trail of kisses on her body a little past her belly button before she stood up again. “with my fingers or with my tongue?”

“fingers… fingers first.” sana heard another laugh escape tzuyu's lips. she should feel embarrassed- at how powerless and feeble she was acting- at the fact that she was naked in the middle of the room while her nurse laughed at her- but all she felt was anger at the fact that tzuyu was not touching her where she needed her the most.

her eyes spoke for her. her entire body did- and tzuyu listened diligently. sana was pushed down the bed, back falling against the mattress while tzuyu laid on her side, holding herself up with her elbow while her free hand followed the contour of sana's body. they stared at each other. “open,” the woman whispered the same moment her hand stopped on sana's bent knee. sana parted her legs, tzuyu's intense gaze on sana's sex making a wave of shame wash over her. sana bit her thumb as she felt her cheeks heat up. she was sweating by then, convinced that her red cheeks and glistening forehead only made her look ten times more desperate than before. she couldn't bring herself to care about her state when she felt tzuyu's finger run across her slit, parting her pussy lips, teasing the pulsing entrance with such benignity that sana felt her eyes roll to the back of her head. “god…” she heard tzuyu's growling voice. “you’re dripping, sana.”

“please…” sana begged, unconsciously wrapping her hands around the back of her thighs, pulling her knees towards her, granting tzuyu an absurdly explicit access to her cunt.

and the woman received the welcoming manner with pleasure, finally pushing inside, the digit sliding with so much ease that made both women moan. tzuyu stared down at sana, moving her hand slowly, in and out while the trembling woman found no strength to keep her eyes open. “hmm… you’re so warm,” she heard tzuyu, her mouth felt dangerously close to her, and sana confirmed the barely-existent distance when she felt the woman's tongue flick her earlobe with the same pace of her finger. “speak to me, sana.” tzuyu sounded almost angry at the lack of verbal response. sana knew words were only a whim to tzuyu when her body responded to her every word and action with so much precision.

“i- i love it.” she eventually found the courage to respond, the shaky breaths that circulated her body difficulting her verbalities.

“yeah? you love having my finger inside you?” sana whined, finding the proximity of tzuyu's mouth with her ear torturous. she nodded as she bit her lip, muffling her moans, suddenly remembering that they were surrounded by ears behind all four walls. “what about two?”

“please…” sana felt a coat of tears form between her eyes and eyelids the moment the absence of tzuyu's finger became a sudden thrust of two of her fingers. she gasped, so dangerously close to screaming her lungs out if it hadn't been for the way her teeth latched onto the skin on the back of her hand. tzuyu quickly gave up on the gentle rhythm she'd started out with, replacing it with ravishing thrusts that were forcing the oxygen out of sana's lungs.

sana could taste the blood on her hand. she could feel the tears that threatened to slide down her face at any moment. “open your eyes,” tzuyu spoke, small breaths interrupting her words every time she forced her fingers back into sana's sex. “watch me while i fuck you.”

sana's vision was blurry when she did as told, but she eventually managed to focus her sight and stare at the woman's clenched jaw, tensed bicep, and gritted teeth. she looked angry, carelessly driven by animalistic instincts, and not by any reasoning. sana loved it. “tzuyu,” she gasped after she let go of her ruined hand. “harder.”

the room was filled with the sound of sana's wetness reacting to tzuyu's plunging. sana couldn't feel an ounce of shame at the absurd arousal when the reward to it was the ease that tzuyu fucked her with. “such a pretty pussy,” the woman forced her mouth against sana's. she still couldn't get used to tzuyu's lips. the kiss was messy, teeth clashing and nose bumping while weak and strangled moans travelled from mouth to mouth. they were both enjoying this as much, sana knew that. the thought encouraged her to move her hips against tzuyu's fingers, reciprocating in terms of rhythm and strength, but the woman refused to let sana catch up with her, triggering a chain reaction that lead to both of them losing complete control of their bodies. both so clueless at to where they were finding the energy to move with such speed, and only focusing on how terrifyingly good it felt. “you’re a good girl, sana.” tzuyu praised in the shape of a moan.

“oh my god, tzuyu.” sana threw her her head back as she felt her body screaming at her, toes involuntarily curling and head spinning uncontrollably. her thighs shook, suddenly losing all strength to move against tzuyu's fingers, hips falling lifelessly even though the other woman was not going to stop anytime soon.

“will you cum for me?” tzuyu asked angrily, her free hand sliding underneath sana's head, fingers threading between the strands of hair and tugging without care. “will you cum on my hand?”

“y-yes.” sana cried, not even registering how loud her moans were being, finding it hard to care when her orgasm crept from the pit of her stomach and slowly spread out to the entirety of her weak body.

“go on, then,” tzuyu reached a pace that sana couldn't consider human. it was too much for her. it was painful and absurd and extreme and so damn perfect. “show me how much you love it.” sana gave up on all forms of self control (the small amount she had left), and her last high-pitched scream was followed by the wave of her orgasm washing over her completely...

tzuyu made sure to visit the next day, then the next, until it was useless to keep count. sana needed her the same amount she did the day before, and she was convinced that she would yearn for her just as much the days that followed. things had changed between them. tzuyu wasn't scared to touch sana anymore. her hands had lost all forms of reluctance, and it was easier for compliments to slip out of her mouth. sana was enchanted by the treatment, and found it easy to forget about the downside of her surroundings whenever tzuyu was around.

she wanted to ask, though, what tzuyu thought about the disaster that their clandestine get-togethers could end up in, but tzuyu didn't like questions. all sana knew about her was her name- and tzuyu thought that was more than enough. sana couldn't hold that against her; verbal communication faded into the background when tzuyu was so poetic with her lips and hands. that night, however, tzuyu found it relevant to break the kiss and invite sana to open her eyes for a moment.

“sana, you can’t tell them about us,” her whispered words were almost breathless gasps. “they can’t know i come to your room.”

“what if they see us talking?”

“i’m a nurse. i’m supposed to talk with patients from time to time,” sana felt her entitled hand rubbing the skin underneath her shirt. “but i’m not supposed to kiss them,” the kiss that followed felt better once sana was reminded how frowned upon it was- how dangerous it was. “they can’t even know you know my name.”

her eyebrows furrowed at the extremity of her words. “it’s just your name.”

“do you know other nurses’ names?” sana's silence proved tzuyu right. “you and i. we have to be your best kept secret. can you do that?”

sana was compelled by the need to obey tzuyu, to fulfill her wishes. if tzuyu wanted sana's silence, then her silence she'd get. sana would expect a reward, let it be the reminder of how much of a good girl she was, or two fingers buried deep inside her. she felt dangerously wrapped around tzuyu's finger- summitted and surrendered to her. “yes.” she breathed out, smiling when her small answer was compensated by a kiss, that soon turned into a fit of gasps and whines vibrating into tzuyu's throat.

she listened to it all... she felt sana and read her like braille, pulling her on top of her, sitting her on her lap while possessive hands held her in place, intolerant to sana's squirming and demanding for composure. “talk to me,” tzuyu spoke into sana's ear, kissing the surrounding area that her lips could reach. “tell me what you want.”

“take care of me.”

tzuyu chuckled with cruelty. “how so?”

“you know how.” her whine resonated across her entire body, her trapped body moving against tzuyu's hands in angry whrithes.

“stand up for me, sana,” tzuyu commanded, completely indifferent to sana's childish attitude. sana felt incapable of doing anything other than what she'd been asked to do. tzuyu seemed aware of that reality, and watched the woman get off her lap with a smug smirk. “undress,” the clothes that pooled around sana's feet were demeaning. she took off piece by piece while staring at tzuyu, watching the way the woman's eyes travelled through the bareness. “like that.”

tzuyu enjoyed watching sana undress for her. she enjoyed the tension- the slow and eventual revelation of a body that she was starting to memorize. sana knew that what she enjoyed the most was that sana did as told. every single time. no questions asked.

hands were placed on her hips, and she was pulled forward. tzuyu kissed between her breasts while looking up to her, carefully expectant for the tiny gasp that escaped sana's lips every time she was quenched with a kiss. but that was it. just small innocent kisses that were not enough for sana, and tzuyu knew, but she didn't seem to care. “touch me.” sana huffed out angrily, her hand finding tzuyu's hair, fingers widening to collect a generous amount of soft strands that she could tug on with a tightened fist.

“i am touching you, sana,” tzuyu mumbled against sana’s skin, the warmth of her breath inviting minuscule drops of sweat to appear on the surface. “show me where.”

sana found tzuyu’s hand with ease. she didn’t look away from the intense eye contact when she brought it between her legs, widening them at the same time, sighing in relief when she felt the foreign feeling of fingers parting her pussy lips. “here.” she managed to speak despite the unevenness of her breath.

she saw the way tzuyu smiled, full of admiration and awe for the woman standing in front of her as she sat on the bed. tzuyu only moved her arm, up and down after two of her fingers had found its way inside sana. “like this?” sana shivered at the raspiness of her voice. it went harmoniously with the way she looked, so sure of herself when she had her hand between sana’s legs, confident that it was where it belonged.

“y-yes,” sana nodded, eyebrows furrowed and the pleasure flowing through her veins weighing her eyelids down. she knew tzuyu was watching. she could still feel her eyes on her despite only seeing black. just as she could feel the different angles tzuyu fucked her with, searching for something they both knew was hidden inside sana, suddenly finding it and greeting it with such merciless force that sana gasped in a loss of oxygen. “yes, yes. there.”

sana rocked herself against tzuyu fingers, propping one leg over the bed, making it easier for tzuyu to ram her fingers inside her until she found the pulsing g-spot waiting so restlessly for them. the grip around tzuyu’s hair was enough support for sana to lean back and use the newfound center of gravity to fuck herself harder, and tzuyu let her, watching with a smug look the state she’d submitted sana into- so desperate and so needy- so selfishly expectant for more.

sana felt her body speaking to her- telling her to not stop- telling her what was forming inside of her if she kept bouncing against the curled up hand until angry knuckles hit her skin- but tzuyu wasn’t part of that conversation when she pulled her hand away. sana didn’t bother to hold back the whine, in absolute disbelief, angry at the fact that her orgasm had been so cruelly denied. “easy…” tzuyu stood up, her glistening fingers pushing sana’s messy hair back, placing it behind her ear while her lips kissed sana’s in the midst of small pants. “let me take care of you,” sana let the woman flip them around, her back soon finding the mattress underneath, the blinding intensity of the ceiling lights being replaced by a dark silhouette of a woman straddling her. “will you be good for me?”

“i can’t wait any longer.” sana squirmed underneath tzuyu, mindlessly finding a way out of the caging arms on either side of her head.

“yes, you can,” tzuyu angrily grabbed sana’s face with her hand, her fingers squeezing her cheeks as she forced their eyes to meet. “and you will,” the small nod- barely a nod with her face trapped between those cold, powerful fingers- was enough for the woman to smile and place a kiss on her forehead. a reward. “my pretty little thing.”

tzuyu claimed sana as hers, conquering every inch of her body- ruthless and remorselessly. but sana couldn't receive the denigrating treatment with more joy. she felt at ease that night- with her heart pounding and her body glistening in sweat. she'd never panted so peacefully. the passion running through her veins made up for the lack of oxygen.

but the next morning her state changed. it always did. she tried not to think about the injustice of not being able to enjoy happiness. she'd learned overtime to brace herself- knowing that high peaks ended up in the lowest lows.

“eat,” tzuyu pushed the plate towards sana. her jaw was clenched and her eyes dull. sana would’ve loved the sight hours ago, when tzuyu made love to her with the same seriousness and responsibility, but at that moment- it just made her feel worse. “please.”

sana pushed the plate back, as if it would change anything. “i’m not hungry.”

“you’re gonna get in trouble, sana,” tzuyu looked to the side. sana’s eyes followed hers and landed on the nurses who were looking at them questioningly. their hesitant eyes had switched from their business towards the two on the table, trying to not stare much but also expectant to evidence something worth taking about later. sana knew better than to give them a reason to. tzuyu wouldn’t like that. “and i’m not going to be able to help you then.”

“i don’t care.” she crossed her arms across her chest.

“you’re gonna get me in trouble,” tzuyu then said. “eat. please.” the sound of the plate scraping against the surface of the table pushed buttons sana didn’t know existed inside her head.

a scream crept from the pit of stomach. “i don’t want to!” eyes full of venom met tzuyu’s surprised ones.

“sana!” the yell that echoed across the room made sana flinch. “quit the talking! eat!” she could barely register the hand that grabbed her by the back of her neck while another shoved a spoonful of food into her mouth. she yelped in the process of having two nurses forcing the meal into her mouth but was at a miserable lack of force to even think of fighting back.

cold hands freed her when the authoritarian nurses thought she’d have enough food to get through they day, but she looked up to even colder eyes before she heard tzuyu speak. “thanks for that.” she watched the woman walk away, imperceptible as always, with light steps that left no clue as to where her destination was.

days passed and tzuyu would only watch her from afar, like a guardian angel, but sana hated the lack of interaction and she grew desperate to have the woman touching her, kissing her, enjoying her. she knew she'd acted wrongly, and her heart felt too tired to do something about it, but tzuyu seemed to know her too well to know that apologizing would be sana's biggest effort, specially during these days were waking up was an internal battle itself.

sana waited, not very patiently, for the right moment to approach tzuyu. the woman would always be among her colleagues, using them as a barrier to keep sana away from her, and sana hated it. but it was then when she realized that she wasn't the one supposed to find the right moment to approach tzuyu. the dynamics of their relationship- whatever they were- didn't allow sana to have any initiative, any power, and god- did she love that, specially when tzuyu appeared when she least expected it, as if she were some ghost. but she always came back. that night, after the head nurse gave sana her medicine and turned off the lights of her room, tzuyu appeared.

sana watched her close the door behind, turning the lights on so the eerie silhouette could turn into a warming sight of her, greeting her with her presence, stepping forward silently and gently taking a seat on the bed. “hey,” sana was the first to speak. “i- i missed you,” she confessed, a sad smile followed, remembering the sensation of falling asleep the past days with the buff nurses being the last people to address her. “i’m sorry for- my attitude."

tzuyu responded with a smile, lenient and understanding, “it’s okay,” she whispered while her thumb smoothed over sana's cheek. “you’re allowed to have bad days,” sana nodded. she'd been told that before, many times, but it'd been the first time she'd heard it from someone who meant it. “are you feeling better?”

“not really.” sana was honest. tzuyu sighed. she knew. but she also knew how to change that, getting under the covers with sana, hugging her from behind and kissing the back of her ear until she fell asleep. sana knew she wouldn't be there in the morning. tzuyu always vanished without leaving a trace behind her, but she didn't mind, she still found enough reasons to submerge herself into a deep sleep with a smile on her face.

and she woke up in the same state, well-rested, unsure of when tzuyu left but convinced that it was a big portion of the night that she had the woman cuddling her otherwise her sleep wouldn't have been as fulfilling. it was suddenly easier to wake up and get ready and attend to every scheduled activity her therapist had prescribed for her. she tried not to question too much how painting mandalas would improve her mindfulness. she wouldn't go down that road, not today.

“you don’t know how badly i want to kiss you.” a whisper sent shivers down her back as she tried to hold back the dumb smile, her cheeks hurting at the tension as tzuyu took a seat in front of her.

“kiss me, then.” sana whispered back, only for tzuyu to hear, only for her to know. a secret. their secret.

“very funny,” tzuyu looked down, seeing the scattered papers and colored pencils across the surface of the table. “drawing is not your forte, i see.”

tzuyu wasn't one to interact with sana when the sun was out, so her presence was rather surprising, but commenting on it would jinx it terribly, woudn't it? so she had no option but to enjoy it. she enjoyed the way tzuyu made fun of her for coloring out of the lines and for the terrible color choices to achieve uncomfortable contrasts. it was so silly to even say it, but how easy was it for her to make sana laugh.

“hey sana,” a hand was placed on her shoulder, sana turned around with a concerned look, one that matched tzuyu's as soon as both of them acknowledged the presence of a nurse standing in front of the two. “calm down, okay? you’re getting too loud.”

and then sana's laughter vanished. the way the spoke to her- it was so undermining, so minimizing, with that judgmental look that was so full of pity and such fabricated sympathy. tzuyu watched her in silence, waiting until the woman left so she could speak. “hey, it’s okay.”

“you never defend me.” sana suddenly noticed, looking up to her with more sadness than anger. sana knew tzuyu didn't like the way everyone treated her. she knew that tzuyu saw her differently, saw past her multiple diagnosis and sometimes explosive attitudes, but she did nothing about it.

“i do. when we switch shifts. we are not supposed to argue with each other in front of patients,” tzuyu argued. “we have a lot of differences in the ways we treat patients, that’s why we have meetings during shift changes and none of you guys is around.”

sana chose to believe her, but the joy she felt once had left, she knew it wouldn't come back for the rest of the day. tzuyu was too perceptive to not notice this as well, and it was her who made the decision of standing up and walking away. she always did, and sana couldn't do anything about it other than accept it.

sana found herself standing in the middle of the lonely hall, old payphones hung on the wall, where patients got the chance to have daily calls with their loved ones. "hello?” she spoke onto one of the heavy phones with a thick metal string attaching it to its base.

it was momo, her best friend. she could tell by the mere sound of her breath. “sana? satang, can you hear me?” the girl asked through the line, her voice barely audible due to the static layering on top.

“momo? yes. where are you?” sana asked.

“be careful, sana,” momo then said, her voice agitated, worried. “stop letting people in so easily,” she remarked without giving sana a chance to ask what she meant. “you are going to get hurt.”

“where are you?” sana insisted.

“you know where i am,” momo then reminded her, of the dark reality, of the truth she often tried to ignore. momo wasn't around anymore, but she talked to sana sometimes. sana could hear her in the midst of the crude reality. “i love you, okay?” she reminded with so much confidence sana wouldn't believe otherwise.

“i need another quarter.” sana told the nurse standing from afar.

“no phones until tomorrow morning, sana. go to your room.”

she walked back to her room with a heavy weight on her shoulders. momo wouldn't try to contact her in a while. the periods she took were long and her calls were always too short. so sana went to bed, trying to break down momo's words and find a way to sleep with so much questions wandering inside her head...

she didn't. but the nurses the next morning barely noticed when they turned sana's lights on and instructed her to get ready for the new day. sana kept her head low the hours that followed. she didn't look for tzuyu with her sight and she knew the woman noticed her need for space and respected it. however, the girl that sat in front didn't seem to notice this sudden need for loneliness.

“hey,” chaeyoung greeted her, wearing her usual lackadaisical demeanor with pride. “who’s that?” sana raised her eyebrow in confusion. “the one you’re talking to all the time?” sana tried to ignore the humorous smile on chaeyoung's face. addressing would only give the girl more reasons to tease sana.

“she’s my nurse.” sana said matter-of-factly, keeping as obvious as it was supposed to be.

“really?” chaeyoung chuckled, lowering her head so she could look into sana's eyes. busted. she wished she could master the art of keeping eye-contact when lying. “what’s her name?”

“i can’t say.” sana quickly responded, reminding herself to not break the one rule tzuyu had established.

chaeyoung hummed understandingly, perceiving sana's defensive attitude and favorably changing the subject. they managed to find other things to talk about, and the day finished on a happier note at the feeling of having a friend in a place with such a heavy aura. chaeyoung understood sana. she too was classified as crazy for her own reasons and she too had so many qualities people tended to look past for absurd prejudices.

but the days didn't seem to get any easier regardless. sana went to the scheduled sessions and followed everyone's instructions without question, but she was starting to get sick of it. she wanted to leave, to have an ounce of the liberty she deserved. it was worthless, something too good to be true. sana knew her destiny; to live under her parents' wings because they never gave her the chance to grow her own. how could they, when they had a sick daughter? she'd seen the kids on the countless group sessions, and the way their parents supported them with pursuing a career, some sort of professional education, hobbies, a life of their own, but sana never had that, and she knew that she never will.

she then realized that tzuyu was the first thing she'd had, even if the woman wasn't hers. she'd been finally possessed by someone who wasn't her parents. every touch, every kiss- they were all small tastes of autonomy, of liberty. tzuyu was a secret that was hers to keep, to cherish, to live for.

that realization ignited a fire inside of her that no amount of sad days could put out. that was why her face lit up so graphically when tzuyu walked through the door while sana brushed her hair. “morning,” tzuyu spoke as she closed the door behind. “i heard you’re having trouble getting up.”

sana sighed. she tried to not think too much about the fact that at the end of the day, she was still tzuyu's patient. even if tzuyu didn't look at her that way, sana's medical record would still be shoved into her face on a daily-basis. “i just wish everyone would leave me alone.” sana mumbled.

“you know we can’t do that,” sana tried. she tried so badly to only focus on the sweet reality of having tzuyu in her room with her after being apart for so long, but tzuyu walking in with a pamphlet in her hand and that metal badge on her uniform with her last name on it was a slap on the face that brought her back to the real world. “would you make the effort for me?” sana shivered when the woman wrapped her arms around her from behind, lips leaving a trail of goosebumps across the back of her neck.

“don’t do that,” sana freed herself from the gentle grip, turning around to face tzuyu, confusion plastered on her face. “i just want to be alone.” she justified the outburst with a low tone, ashamed.

“you can be alone. outside. after you get ready,” tzuyu spoke nontheleless, unconcerned, indifferent to sana's distance. “your psychiatrist is not going to like today’s report if you don’t.” the threat earned her a glare. was sana supposed to see her any different from the rest of the nurses when she spoke to her like that?

“i don’t care. it wouldn’t change anything.”

“sana, i’m your last chance before the buff guys come. they’ll get physical if they have to.” tzuyu's tone lowered just like her patience as she spat another threat.

“you wouldn't help me either way.” sana snapped back, voice full of venom.

tzuyu stood in silence for a moment, eyes scanning sana's face, taking her time, analyzing her state, deciphering sana like the professional that she was. “okay,” she took a step back. “i’ll see you later.”

sana felt horrible, and how used she was to it. but she got through the day, she always did. she had to.

by lunch, she watched two cone-shaped metal wraps being placed in front of her plate. she looked up, even though she didn't have to to know who'd put the candies there.

“two?” she asked, the smile on her face involuntary.

“one is because i want to see you happy,” tzuyu took a seat across from sana. “the other is because you are pretty,” the temperature on sana's cheeks increased so helplessly. “i love that smile.”

“thank you.” she rasped out, taking the candies and putting them on her pocket, getting rid of the evidence of tzuyu's special treatments. they were a reminder. she could only look at them that way, considering they were the first thing tzuyu did that made her feel special, different. good different.

“you’ll get better,” tzuyu shamelessly caressed sana's cheeks with her thumb, smoothing it with so much tenderness that sana could barely feel it. “i’m happy to see you’re eating.”

that changed things. sana wondered if tzuyu's ability to fix whatever she felt was a matter of having a diploma and years of experience, or maybe something more. call it love, if you want, but sana wouldn't dare. whatever it was, reminded that not only was sana different from the rest, so was tzuyu. no matter what roles they had in the real world, when it was just the two of them, it was just them.

tzuyu came over that day. she got under the covers with sana and promised to stay until she fell asleep, as if she knew how hard it'd been to sleep lately. it could've been the darker shade under her eyes, but sana choose to believe it was something more. it had to be.

“why don’t you have any friends?” sana suddenly asked while her head laid on tzuyu's chest. tzuyu was usualy among her colleagues, with a clipboard on her hand and writing on the pages attached to it, but she never really talked to them the way she'd seen other nurses interact. it was part of her personality, she understood that, and she also had to admit she enjoyed the special treatment only sana received, but she still wondered the reason behind that.

“i do have friends,” tzuyu chuckled. “you mean here?” sana hummed, her mind a haze that almost made it hard to sleep while the weight of her eyelids increased. “why would i? they’re coworkers and that’s it.”

sana then looked up, her neck folded so she could look into tzuyu's eyes. something inside her fluttered as soon as their gazes met. she doubted- that she'll ever get used to the sight, to the feeling. “it’s weird. you see each other every day. you should at least determine each other.”

“we do. when it’s necessary,” the answer was exactly what sana expected. something clear and cogent that left no room for further questioning. “close your eyes,” tzuyu then said, with a smile, words slipping from her lips in the shape of a whisper. “i know you’re tired.”

sana bit her lip, holding back, let it be the urge to smile like a child or to jump on her like a psycho. she felt so snug, so free of danger- how terrifying did it feel to think about waking up in a bed where tzuyu wasn't there to reassure every doubt in sana's head. “kiss me.” she whispered as well, their solitude too metaphysical and boundless for them to ruin it with sound.

a small, burlesque yet loving laugh left tzuyu's lips, interrupted by the curling of her lips and the sudden exposure of her beaming teeth. “i’ll kiss you to sleep if i have to.”

sana hummed so carelessly, not wasting her energy in holding back the reaction of her body to how good that sounded. “that sounds like a promise.”

“it is.”

tzuyu flipped them around, laying sana on her back, looking down to her by raising her body with her folded elbow supporting her. she grabbed her by the chin, turning sana's face to her liking, staring down at her like the prized possession that she was, and then a kiss- so soft and so gentle that sana realized how easy it was to waste the remaining bits of her energy in kissing tzuyu, even if it killed her. but it didn't, tzuyu's kisses would never kill her, they simply submerged her into a deep sleep in minutes she couldn't keep count of, her eyes closing at a moment she couldn't recall and tzuyu leaving at a moment she didn't notice. the creases on the side of the bed were the only evidence of tzuyu, the heat of her body as nonexistent as her.

sana needed tzuyu. so much, too much. the other nurses had become the worst of monsters even if she'd dealt with that authority figure her entire childhood. today, more than ever, she wished it was tzuyu who came into her room to check her vitals and shove chemicals down her throat.

even if the nurses had to call for back-up because sana wouldn't give in. she needed tzuyu.

“she won’t take it.” she evidenced the small meeting held inside her room with nurses looking at her like some helpless zoo animal.

the man who'd just arrived, wearing his position in the hierarchy of the ward with pride. “i don’t have time for this today, sana.” sana looked at him, barely blinking, refusing to even waste her time opening her mouth to speak words that would be left unheard.

“she’s asking for the nice nurse.” the woman spoke to him, everyone equally aware that sana had no voice in the conversation.

“which one?”

“brunette and pretty.” the man sighed. it was unbearable to think about how easy it'd be for her to simply say tzuyu's name, her last name, anything. but the mere thought of how tzuyu would react to being called because a particular patient was asking for her, as normal as it sounded in sana's head, was terrifying. tzuyu was too paranoid, too neurotic to have their relationship exposed even in its most innocent form.

the man took a step forward and sana flinched. “take these, sana.”

“no! not you!” sana was then grabbed the moment she tried to resist the man's touch. “i want her! bring her!”

“call the psychiatrist.”

sana kept her head low for the rest of the day. it was her thing, to shut others out by not looking at them, not giving them the chance of having any initiative.

she hadn't thought about the consequences of her actions. the psychiatrist was too curious in finding out who sana was so desperately asking for. sana heard the orders the woman gave, asking the head nurse to keep a close look on who sana interacted with throughout the day. she thought she'd made a good job in pretending that there was no brunette and pretty nurse, that she simply wanted to avoid taking her meds, but the woman could read sana like the case-of-study that she was.

she hadn't seen tzuyu, specially because she avoided seeing anyone at all, but the hand that grabbed her by her wrist when she took a turn on an empty hallway was unmistakably tzuyu's.

“what the hell was that, sana?” the woman asked through gritted teeth in a low tone.

“you weren’t there for me.” sana whispered, refusing to look into her eyes.

tzuyu scoffed. “i have a life too, sana. i’m not here all the time.”

“you promised you’d be there for me.” sana furrowed her eyebrows, keeping her gaze on the ground bellow.

“don’t ever do that again, do you hear me?” the tug on her wrist was an order that sana complied to in an instant. she looked up to the darkness in tzuyu's eyes, so disappointed, so angry, so pretty. “tell them you’ll go to bed early. take your medicine and meet me in your room in an hour.” sana's silence allowed her to realize the meaning behind tzuyu's words. the implicit invitation to a punishment that sana could only interpret as a reward. she nodded in an instant, and watched the woman walk away without speaking another word.

sana followed tzuyu's instructions blindly. the nurses sent her a look with dubious concern, but felt rather satisfied when they watched her pop the pills into her mouth followed by a small sip of water. she couldn't control the pace of her legs with the thought of tzuyu waiting in her room imprinted in her mind. she opened the door and took one last glance to the empty corridor, everyone was so busy with their last activities of the day no one must've noticed tzuyu walking into one of the patient's rooms. when she closed it, she was finally able to see the tall woman, sat on the edge of her bed, back supported by long slender arms and legs folded, wide open, so inviting.

"that was quick," sana walked towards her, slowly, cautiously, not giving tzuyu the satisfaction of giving her instructions before her shirt flew across the room. the woman watched with an arched eyebrow, following her every movement, the corners of her lips twitching so lightly at the sight of sana's clothes falling to the floor and forming a trail of clandestine evidence before the two heated bodies clashed together. tzuyu held her so strongly while her tongue pushed past sana's lips, biting onto whatever she wanted and whenever she pleased while the girl on top found it impossible to squirm beneath the insufferable grip. "you were so desperate for this, weren't you? is this what you were throwing a tantrum for?" she rasped against sana's lips.

"i need you." sana confessed so feebly. tzuyu hummed before she resumed the kiss. she knew that.

tzuyu took in the bare state of sana's body with delight, hands melting against the warm skin, no futile texture interrupting their path, no barrier between her colonizing fingers and sana’s helpless body. she settled sana on the bed, lips as stubborn as sana’s when it came to letting go. her fingers combed through the woman's hair, her grip enhanced by a gently tightened fist, feeling the moisture of the sweat forming between the soft strands that were starting to lose all sense of direction. sana was a mess. she knew. she felt so disheveled, a mayhem.

and it only worsened when tzuyu started kissing down her neck, biting and sucking wherever she pleased, taking sana’s nipple into her mouth and ravishing it so mercilessly. tzuyu hummed at the moans she earned, at the whimpers, approving every single one of them, wordlessly demanding for more.

“tzuyu…” sana breathed out, eyes closed but mouth wide open, giving her moans no filter before they echoed across the room. “tzuyu, fuck me, please.” sana begged while a tongue licked the inside of her thighs, twitching and turning every time she felt waves of hot breaths landing on her cunt. tzuyu cleaned up sana everywhere but where she needed her the most, teasing so cruelly, giving herself the pleasure to taste sana without giving the woman underneath the same benefit.

“say that again…” tzuyu detached herself from sana’s body, sitting up, inviting the girl to open her eyes. tzuyu smiled at sana's reddened cheeks, how they'd reached a deeper shade. the woman looked away, ashamed of herself once she took in the indecency of her own words. “say it, darling, i want to hear it.” she insisted, grabbing sana by her chin, eyes meeting in the midst of the rough movement.

“please, fuck me.” sana rasped out, the softened state of tzuyu's eyes so reassuring. they made her feel like she could blurt out all sorts of profanities without having something to fear.

the woman bit her lip, camouflaging that smirk of hers that had sana whining underneath her. “you look so pretty like this,” tzuyu attempted to fix sana's hair with the gentle brushing of her fingers. sana felt her grab her hand, breath hitching once she felt it stop at her cunt, foreign fingers forcing her own to part the lips. “can you feel how wet you are?” she asked.

tzuyu pushed sana's fingers even further, compelling her to tease her own entrance. the sound of her wetness enveloping her trembling digits was disgracing. “fuck…” sana whimpered, not even processing that the woman had guided her covered fingers to her mouth, looking down at her while she tasted sana, lips enclosing and tongue gliding up and down, hums of pleasure vibrating against her fingers. “please…” sana whined again, the sight becoming too much, wishing it was her pussy that was receiving that reckless treatment from tzuyu's tongue.

but tzuyu had other plans, freeing sana's fingers from her mouth but giving it no particular taste of freedom before it was pinned against the bed. "you're so fucking gorgeous." sana gasped, the heartwarming praise inhumanly paired up wih two fingers shoving inside her without warning.

tzuyu watched sana crumble apart underneath her, eyes rolling back and back arching at the ruthless pace, unconsciously biting onto the thumb of her free hand so she could muffle out the screams that her body was producing. “god, yes,” sana mumbled. “don’t stop.”

“my pretty girl,” tzuyu let go of the grip around sana's wrist so could drag a path down the valley of sana's breasts, the forming sweat on her skin allowing it to slide smoothly, with so much fluency. sana trembled, thighs threatening to close every time she felt tzuyu's fingers ramming back inside her, so roughly, so lovely. “you’re so sweet.” the woman spoke through gritted teeth as she looked into sana's eyes, and the latter knew better than to look away from them.

she laid on the bed so dully yet so full life, her soul growing three sizes as tzuyu toyed with her nipple, pinching and twisting the erected nub. sana squeaked, eyes full of regret every time her body twitched in response to tzuyu. the coldness of her eyes was so hard to read- did sana’s despair entice her, or did it anger her? somehow, the outcome was the same, because both realities would end up on angry fingers thrusting with more force deep inside her, so quickly, so good.

“right there, tzuyu,” sana spoke with the remaining air inside her lungs. “keep- keep doing that.” and tzuyu did, adding a third finger, sana's arousal allowing it to slide in with the same adroitness as the other two.

tzuyu grabbed sana by the back of her neck, forcing her to sit up, inviting her into a kiss that could barely be consider as such while the woman gasped for air and screamed into tzuyu's mouth. it was so chaotic and disheveled but sana found so much pleasure in having tzuyu forcing her tongue into her mouth with the same relentless that her fingers fucked her with. sana only found support in the steady hand around her neck, incapable of feeling her own bones, her weak body madly devoted to tzuyu's power.

“will you cum on my hand?” tzuyu whispered against her lips before biting onto them, not giving sana the chance to respond, her question rhetorical. “no, baby, you’re gonna do it on my tongue. is that okay?” this time she waited for sana's response, even if it was a weak and barely perceptible nod.

but it was enough for the woman to let go of sana, the woman falling back against the mattress in an instant. tzuyu slid out and knelt down, arms hooking around sana's folded thighs so she could bring the woman to the edge of the bed, not wasting any time before digging her head between sana legs and giving the sensitive pussy a long, confident lick.

“o-oh,” sana slapped her hand against tzuyu's head, fingers tangling with the the roots of the woman's hair. “tzuyu…” sana felt it forming in the pit of stomach, promptly increasing every time she felt that skilled tongue of hers flicking against her clit, tzuyu's groans sending dangerous vibrations that echoed across sana's body. every little treatment rippled across her body, like a pebble bouncing in the water until it sunk in the center of her body and pushed her over the edge of something so celestial, she couldn't find the right words to describe it with.

tzuyu noticed it all, as if she could feel what sana felt, as if she knew the exact effect of her actions without any explicit response. the sound of her spit mixing with sana's arousal was too filthy- too damn vulgar. tzuyu had her entire face pressed against sana's cunt, cheeks and nose glistening while she kept her eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, tasting sana with such delicacy and diligence that sana couldn't look away from.

sana came with a gasp, pushing tzuyu closer to her, closing her thighs with a force that could've snapped the woman's skull in two, but none of that stopped her tongue from lapping up every last drop of the obscenities that dripped down sana's center. her head spun, and the sight of the ceiling became one big white blur that took a couple of minutes to fade away. “oh my god.” she then breathed out, pecks and kisses planted on her body that guided her through her orgasm until her lips were greeted with a gentle kiss with the filthy evidence of her cum.

tzuyu pulled away after a long, peaceful, rewarding minute. “i’m addicted to you.” 

it was safe to say that sana woke up with a smile on her face. and that would be an understatement.

sana was quick to finish her lunch. she discarded the plates on their designated spot, happily walking to the door that led to the backyard before she bumped into a tall figure.

“look who’s skipping around,” tzuyu drawled out with a smile. she took a step back, eyes scanning up and down sana's body, earning a blush as soon as the woman noticed the way her tongue moistened her tightened lips. “this looks so fucking pretty on you.” tzuyu whispered, hand reaching up to touch sana's sundress, twisting the fabric between her fingers.

“i’m going to the park.” sana announced.

“wait for me behind that wall,” tzuyu nodded her head towards said wall. sana followed it with her eyes and quickly brought them back to the woman in front with anticipating eyes. “i’m going to kiss the shit out of you.”

sana widened her eyes at the chosen vocabulary and had to take a look at their surroundings to see if anyone was close enough to hear. she left, nonetheless, and did as told, only to see the tall woman appear less than a minute afterwards. she didn't give sana much time before she snaked her arm around her waist and brought their bodies together, lips meeting halfway, sighs of relief leaving both women at the same time. it was a breath of fresh air, a reminder of what life tasted like, and how much did they enjoy it...

so much that neither found logical reasons to pull away, despite the evident risk and the inconvenient location. tzuyu was simply too good with her mouth, exerting the necessary force to transmit all of her passion with small breaths and caresses that made sana feel like she was the only woman in the world. she bit sana's lip, pulling it towards her, giving them both a chance to open their eyes and see the glistening evidence of what they produced in each other's bodies.

“does this dress look that good on me?” sana eventually asked, followed by a timid giggle.

“so good i can’t wait to rip it off you,” tzuyu kissed her again, the implantation of that idea in both of their heads making the following kiss messier, sloppier, giving less attention to rhythm and consistency but to the mere need of tasting, of feeling. “i love you.” tzuyu then confessed, making sure sana could see the honesty in her eyes, the certainty of what she'd said.

she hadn't realized how badly she ws yearning to hear it until she did. only that could explain it all, the inexplicable need for her and the way she managed to forget about everything whenever she was present. it was real and it was hers and it was so pure she couldn't label it as something else. “i love you.” sana answered, mirroring the smile, reciprocating the gentle caresses.

“i love you.” tzuyu reassured, and sana believed her.

the following days passed by quickly due to how light-hearted sana felt. nothing until then was able to ruin her mood and she also wasn't willing to find a reason anytime soon. she felt more attached to tzuyu then, and that had its downsides, because tzuyu wasn't around all the time. but whenever she was, sana felt on cloud nine. tzuyu was so gentle, so loving, so perceptive. words were only one of the many ways the woman had found to communicate with sana. tzuyu was able to know exactly how sana felt with only with a look on her eyes, with the way she breathed, with the way she stirred on bed. it'd be scary if sana wasn't so blinded with how special it made sana feel- exceptional, one of a kind.

“you’re anxious.” she turned her head once she heard the familiar voice. she almost jumped in surprise, not expecting tzuyu to appear all-of-a-sudden. that was her thing, though- to appear without warning and move around the place with light footsteps and a phantom-like aura.

sana looked down to her hands, saw the way her nail was pulling at the hangnails on the corners of her fingers without her realizing. sana had been thinking about her in the meantime, about how badly she wanted to be with her, kissing and cherishing every corner of her body without anybody interrupting her. “help me.” sana then whispered.

tzuyu chuckled. “the sun’s coming down. wait a couple more hours.”

“i can’t,” sana whined, childishly stamping her foot against the ground. “i need you.”

the woman across her sighed, a stern look on her face. “honey, stop,” but sana didn't. she kept squirming on her seat and mumbling cravings until she heard a huff of defeat.  “go to your room. i’m right behind you.”

sana had never gotten up so fast. she received quizzical looks from the people around her as she skipped around the place towards her room.

it happened as quickly as sana wanted it to. tzuyu closed the door behind her, taking matters into her own hands and undressing sana herself, skipping her top, and licking her fingers once before she plunged them into the woman while she straddled her lap. sana moaned in delight, lowering her face so it could meet tzuyu's, enveloping her lips into a breathless kiss as she bounced on her lap.

sana pulled away with a gasp. “tell me how much you like it, sweetheart.” tzuyu mumbled, jaw clenched, eyes looking into sana's before they lowered back down and stared at the way her fingers got lost inside the woman on top of her.

“i love it,” sana managed to speak. “so much,” she kissed tzuyu again, desperate for more, bouncing heinously with her knees folded on either side of the edge of the bed while she supported herself with the grip around tzuyu's neck. “don’t stop.”

tzuyu chuckled, the pride of having sana so hot and bothered on top of her making her face glow. “ask nicely, baby,” sana felt a piercing sting on her ass-cheek the same time a loud slap echoed across the room. she gasped, in absolute disbelief at how ironically delicious the rough action had felt. tzuyu laughed again, her eyes glued to sana's face and the way it shifted so religiously to everything tzuyu did to her. "you like that?"

“please, don’t stop,” hot, involuntary tears filled up sana's eyes, feeling so damn stimulated, so confused on what to concentrate on, let it be the callous fingers plunging into her, the deathly grip around her waist, the slaps on her ass, or those lips that were so beautifully available for her to kiss whenever she pleased. it was too much. she felt too much. “i’m close.” sana's words came out mixed with a squeak.

“i know,” the smile on tzuyu's face was almost bashful. she knew she'd caused this mess and she was so pleased with her job, so dignified. “sit on my face.” it wasn't a question nor a request, and her dominant words were nothing compared to the imperative mien that took advantage of how weak sana's body was. sana felt herself being pulled forward on top of the now-laying woman. it was only a matter of her looking down before she got a clear view of tzuyu's eyes, the rest of her face covered with her raw cunt.

the woman looked at sana with heavy-lidded eyes, taking deep breaths, taking in sana's scent in before lowering the woman and forcing her tongue to meet the swollen clit nonchalantly. “fuck…” it only took tzuyu a handful of licks that circled her pulsing cunt before sana felt the familiar sensation of her orgasm creeping from her curled-up toes. “right there,” she whispered, hand clashing against the wall, supporting herself, hips acting unwittingly and rocking themselves back and forth against the woman's face. tzuyu guided her hips with pleasure, embarking the two bodies into a perfect synchronization, almost like something rehearsed or dictated but it was just a matter of two bodies that were so destined to each other. the thought made sana's legs shake, specially when she felt the woman underneath quicken the pace, flicking her tongue like an expert, and sana couldn't bring herself to not give up to her own desires. “right there, don’t- don’t move!” tzuyu groaned against sana when she felt her mouth flood with the woman's cum, looking up to her, seeing the way her hand curled against the wall for some desperate grip while she rode out her orgasm on top. sana closed her eyes, weak whimpers rolling out her tongue in the midst of whispered profanities.

but then she heard a knock of the door. “sana?” sana was grabbed by the hips and thrown to mattress. both women stared at each other in shock at the presence behind the door. “what are you doing in there? it’s time for dinner.”

tzuyu grabbed sana's clothes in a hurry, throwing them towards her direction, and sana threw them on with same speed. she didn't know where she gathered the energy of acting so quickly after an orgasm that she thought would require a long minute to recover from, but the adrenaline had completely made her forget about that and only focus on the way they'd been potentially caught having sex in the middle of the day.

“fuck,” tzuyu muttered, only now wiping her glistening face with the sleeve of her shirt. “don’t tell a soul i was here, sana.”

sana watched her open the window of the room, eyebrows furrowing once the woman stuck one leg out. “where are you going?”

“i’ll walk around the building. it’s okay. act cool.” sana nodded, closing the window once the woman was fully out, and didn't waste another second before she opened the door that revealed another woman, face white as if she'd seen a ghost.

“sana,” she breathed out, looking at the woman, taking in her flushed face and her uneven breath and wrinkled clothes. “were you pleasuring yourself?”

sana almost let out a gasp. “no, i-” the woman raised her index finger to stop sana from speaking any further, not giving her the chance to explain herself, but, frankly, sana couldn't even find a valid excuse that could justify her current post-orgasm state.

“wash your hands and come with me.”

sana found herself walking behind the woman, angrily patting her cheeks, begging her own body to neutralize itself as they walked down the hall. she was so embarrassed, but also grateful that the woman had assumed that it was only a matter of her being the only one in the room. sana was asked to wait outside while the nurse spoke to the psychiatrist in her office. she wondered how long she'd been inside, if she heard tzuyu's voice, if she heard sana begging the woman to not stop. she didn't want to think what tzuyu would do if she did. the woman was so passionate on not getting caught that sana was almost certain that she'd end things at that moment.

she was then allowed to step inside shortly after. the nurse left and sana was left with the psychiatrist sitting on the opposite side of the desk with an unbothered expression, as if nothing after a decade of being a doctor could surprise her. “so,” the woman breathed out with a forced smile. “let’s talk about your sex drive.”

“why?” sana quickly asked, feeling her face flush in embarrassment.

“never mind," she shook her head derisively, not even bothering. “do we have to do something about that manic episode?”

“no.”

the woman spent a long moment staring at sana, eyes squinted, analyzing her like a machine. “how was your day?”

sana kept her answers short and brief and that seemed to satisfy her. she was dismissed shortly after, and sana had to make a quick stop in her room to tidy up after the rather traumatic experience. she washed the evidence of sex off her body and changed, eventually eating said dinner that she was late to, and not once seeing tzuyu on the crowd of nurses working around and sitting behind the front desk. she was sent to bed after, and she counted the seconds once the lights of her room were out before the door creaked open. sana smiled, thankful that she wasn't left waiting much before the side of her bed sunk and foreign lips landed on her cheek.

it was almost automatic for both women to settle on the bed, positioning themselves in tangled extremities and peaceful souls. sana then felt like she could breathe again after the unbearable rush of adrenaline they'd both experienced. things were okay. tzuyu wouldn't be with her if they weren't. sana was now perceived as a horny teenager but the slight embarrassment of having the past events written on her daily report had nothing against the feeling tzuyu's body against hers.

“what are you doing with the blue pills?” tzuyu spoke after a long comfortable silence.

“i flush them.”

“good,” she said. “always keep them under your tongue. stick it out for them if it’s necessary.” sana hadn't told tzuyu that the newly learnt technique of keeping pills under her tongue had lead her to add the others every now and then. specially during her highs, when she felt like she owned the world and no one could stop her. not taking them only enhanced the feeling. she knew, however, that that would make her depressive episodes harder to bare, but the temptation was too big to ignore. she knew tzuyu wouldn't understand that. tzuyu was a nurse and she knew about the risks of not taking her meds, but sana just couldn't resist. she considered it a white lie that only she would be able to understand and justify.

sana fell asleep with a smile on her face, hugging tzuyu tightly, starting to grow so dangerously accustomed to the woman's presence whenever it was time to close her eyes.

sana stared at a bird with a worm hanging from its peak. she saw the way the small creature squirmed and twitched helplessly under the pigeon's grip with a terrorized expression.

“sweetheart, come down here.” she heard tzuyu speak from below as she sat on the branch of an old tree, only taking a quick glace to the ground before she returned her sight to the hunting scene in front of her.

“no, tzuyu, look!” sana whispered, not wanting her voice to scare the creature away.

“sana… you’re gonna get hurt."

sana looked back to tzuyu. “come up here, please?” she then decided to provide tzuyu with her full attention.

“can’t do that,” the woman shrugged with hands dug into her pockets. “you’re gonna get in trouble, beautiful.”

“sana, for the love of god,” both women turned their heads to a nurse standing under the frame of the glass sliding doors that lead to the deck of the backyard. “get your ass down here!”

tzuyu then turned back around. “told you,” she shrugged, bringing her hands up and hooking them around sana's underarms to bring the woman down the branch. “go.”

“you’re no fun.” sana muttered, walking back with a low head as the angry nurse waited for her from where he stood.

“what the hell do you think you’re doing? you weren’t authorized to come outside.” he snapped, taking a grip of her forearm and pulling her inside, where she was supposed to be. she thought that tzuyu's presence was enough authorization and supervision to be outside.

“but i was with-”

he quickly cut her off. “i don’t wanna hear it.”

nothing was going to affect sana's energy, even if she was locked inside. tzuyu was writing something on the clipboard while she supported her upper body against the front desk. she hadn't noticed the way the woman walked past her and grabbed the id hooked on the edge of her pant's pocket until she heard sana's mischievous laugh.

the woman's eyes followed sana's hand. “is that my id?”

“depends. are you nurse chou?” sana wiggled the object in the air, the metal ring hanging on her index finger.

tzuyu huffed out, holding back an evident smile with pursed lips. “come here.”

sana stepped back a couple of times. “you come here.” she challenged.

“oh, i will.” the woman's tone was low and careful to not raise any suspicion with those around. sana's heart spend up as soon as she watched the woman walk towards her direction, letting out one devilish laugh before she started running away.

tzuyu followed her, and sana knew her that no matter how fast she ran, tzuyu's long strides would catch up at any moment. and they did, as soon as sana ran into the empty art room and found herself in the air when long arms wrapped around her waist.

tzuyu chuckled at the loud squeal, letting her finger dig into sana's sides earning yelps and suffering laughs at the tickling ministrations. “no, stop!” sana cried.

“you’re a bad girl, sweetheart.”

“please!” sana kept laughing, bending over forward as a desperate attempt to free herself from tzuyu's gri but it was pointless, it only worsened things when the woman had better access to her tummy. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry.”

“sana, is that you?” sana was thrown to the ground, barely registering where tzuyu hid before chaeyoung peaked her head into the room, but she was nowhere to be seen when the girl stepped inside.

“hey.” sana huffed out, catching her breath.

“are you okay?” the girl walked towards her direction, kneeling in front of sana with a concerned look.

“yes.” sana assured.

“let me guess. mysterious nurse friend?” chaeyoung asked with a small chuckle following.

sana's eyes widened, wondering if the question surged out of assumption or if she'd seen tzuyu before they took in her presence. “uh…”

“are you sure you’re okay? you sounded a bit- too much.”

sana insisted that everything was fine, and chaeyoung chose to believe her with reluctance in her eyes, but eventually chose to invite sana to see her drawings nonetheless. sana was sat beside her, the girl's eyes fixed on the drawings as she looked around for tzuyu, searching for traces of her in the room, but the woman had disappeared so effectively that it truly seemed like sana was by herself the entire time. she didn't pay much mind to it, since tzuyu's unbelievable covertness and sneaky movements were what had allowed the two women to keep their secret hidden from everyone else. that's what sana chose to believe.

despite the risks, tzuyu's and sana's encounters on her room before the lights were out were starting to make a part of their routine. sana could only blame herself, finding herself so damn horny every second of the day that tzuyu had no other remedy but to give into her wishes. like right now, with sana bent over the counter of the sink while tzuyu fucked her from behind.

the woman trembled, her legs doing absolutely nothing for her to support herself as she came down from her thigh with a held back scream. they'd chosen the bathroom for sound-proofing purposes, and sana grew addicted to the spot once she learned how delicious it was to stare at tzuyu's reflection on the mirror while she fingered her.

the woman's fingers slid out of sana, but sana quickly caught the wirst behind and placed it back against her pussy. she needed more. she couldn't bring herself to stop even after a long hour of being locked up inside the bathroom. “sana,” tzuyu sighed. “this is the fourth orgasm i’ve given you. you’re not getting any better.”

“please, a-another one. i need more.” sana begged, sliding in the woman's digits herself and sighing in relief at her sex being filled again. she couldn’t bare the emptiness.

“you’re not okay,” tzuyu angrily flipped sana around, forcing their gazes to meet, concerned eyes eyeing sana up and down, eyebrows furrowing at her trembling fingers and writhing movements. “are you skipping your other meds?” tzuyu suddenly asked. sana was taken back by the sudden question. she looked to the side while biting her lip, wishing tzuyu didn't see the way she squeezed her eyes shut at the realization that she'd been caught. “look at me.” her chin was angrily grabbed and tugged towards tzuyu direction.

“just- once- twice. i think.” sana whispered, and gasped when the woman slapped her hand against the marble surface.

“i never allowed you to skip those ones, sana. what the fuck?” tzuyu asked with a raised voice.

sana's eyes watered at the tone. “i’m sorry! i won’t do it again.”

“get dressed,” tzuyu opened the door of the bathroom and held it for sana, pointing to the room. “now.”

“t-tzuyu.” sana stuttered, barely able to walk.

“look at you. i should’ve known by the way you’re shaking,” tzuyu grabbed the clothes on the floor and angrily gave them to sana, who got dressed in the midst of severe contractions and falling tears. “this, i won’t let slide.”

sana watched her walk across the room, waiting or sana to be fully clothed before she pressed the emergency button. “what are you doing? no!”

tzuyu had already unlocked the door when nurses bursted into the room with concerned eyes. “what happened?” they asked sana as she laid on the bed crying.

“check her saturation.” the nurses brought in all sorts of equipment, taking firm grips on sana's body, pinning her against the bed but that only made the girl panic more. she stared at tzuyu, who was looking back to her, doing absolutely nothing to stop the nurses from holding insufferable grips on her wrists and ankles. she simply walked away with a disappointed face, and that, ironically, was what hurt sana more.

“a doctor needs to see her.”

“no,” sana cried helplessly, squirming on the mattress in resistance which only ended up in more force being exerted on her. “please,” she begged. “no!” a person walked in with a syringe. sana's eyes widened in fear. “tzuyu!” was the last screeching cry that left her lip before the syringe was stabbed into her skin and she was submitted into a deep sleep.

she didn't wake up until the next day, only that she wasn't in her room where she'd last been but in the infirmary, with a catheter attached to her wrist. she didn't stay there for long, and was discharged after a long talk with her psychiatrist on the dosage of her medication and dealing with crisis. sana didn't hear a word she said. she only nodded and gave short understanding answers that made woman leave eventually with a satisfied smile.

all sana cared for was speaking to tzuyu, but she noticed the woman the woman stared from afar, standing in between her colleagues for protection, keeping a safe distance that sana was growing sick of. but sana could be as sneaky as tzuyu was, and only had the chance during the night to corner tzuyu as she walked down one of the hallways. “can we talk?” sana asked.

tzuyu held a cold stare. “not here.” she mumbled, choosing to keep her eyes on their surroundings rather than on the woman standing in front.

“can you come over then?” sana's voice was full of despair and helplessness and that made tzuyu give their eyes to meet for the first time.

“okay,” she sighed. “go have dinner first.”

it was safe to say sana had never eaten faster. she was then given a green light to go to her room. she popped the meds into her mouth and actually swallowed them this time, knowing she'd been absolutely out of her mind to make the same mistake twice.

the nurse took sana to her room and turned the lights out, but then the door opened again. “i’m sorry.” she quickly said before tzuyu even got the chance to close the door behind her.

the woman joined sana under the covers, and sana immediately enveloped her into a tight hug that made her sigh. “i know,” she whispered. “i’m sorry too,” her arms eventually gave in and hugged sana back with the same force, planting a small kiss on her head. “are you okay now?”

“yes. i think so. the episode’s over, at least.” sana muttered.

“i’m glad,” tzuyu gently raised sana's head by placing her finger under her chin. “i’m your nurse, sana. but i care about you enough to know that you’re sometimes given shit that you don’t need,” she referred to the infamous blue pills. “but i’m still your nurse and i know that you do need other meds,” sana nodded understandingly, wishing tzuyu could see the regret in her eyes for lying. “if this, whatever we have, is going to be the cause of what happened, then i won’t come anymore.”

“no,” sana breathed out with horror filling her eyes, her heart skipping a beat at the thought. “i promise... it won’t,” sana then went back to pressing her head against tzuyu's chest, hoping that embrace around her was enough to help the woman perceive her love and undeniable need for her. “don’t leave me.”

“okay. i trust you,” tzuyu then spoke. “i love you,” she promised, not a hint of doubt in her voice. “lay down.” she flipped the two over and let sana's head fall back against the pillow.

“i love you,” sana spoke with watered eyes that soon let the threatening tear fall once she closed them when their lips met. she kissed tzuyu ardently, her eyebrows almost furrowed in pain at how badly she was waiting for the moment for their lips to meet again. “i love you." she tried to speak while the woman's mouth was against hers. the words were far from audible but somehow, tzuyu manage to understand through the vibration of the hums. or maybe, she didn't have to hear them at all to know that it was the only thing sana had to say in that moment.

sana was called early to the psychiatrist's office in the early morning, which she found odd since their sessions were usually during the afternoon.

“sana,” the woman tried to keep her tone gentle but sana knew better than to let that lower her guard. “how do you know tzuyu’s name?” the question made sana's eyes widen, but she quickly looked away. “or, rather than that, where did you hear that name?”

“who’s tzuyu?” the tilting of her head did absolutely nothing to enhance the feigned confusion.

“the nurses heard you scream when you had your crisis,” the woman explained. “will you answer me?”

“i don’t know who you’re talking about.” sana insisted.

“have you gone through the ward’s archive?” she was genuinely confused at the question, not having heard about the place before. rather than that, what was in the ward's archive that could give tzuyu's name away?

she, however, managed to answer in the midst of her mind wondering. “no! i swear.”

“you better,” the woman eyed her sternly. “you can go now.”

sana left, feeling more confused that threatened that people had found out about her knowing tzuyu's name.

she found it odd that the place was so secretive about the nurse's names. tzuyu was even secretive about her own last name despite it being engraved in a metal plate clipped to her uniform.

because of that unexplainable furtiveness that sana couldn't bring herself to talk about it with tzuyu herself, but spotting the girl sat on the couch watching tv lit up something in sana's head.

“do you know about the ward‘s archive?” she asked as soon as she plopped down besides chaeyoung.

the woman turned her head to the front desk with squinted eyes. “no, but something tells me that door over there has something to do with it.” sana followed her eyes and saw a door with said words painted to it.

“my psychiatrist insinuated that whatever is behind it is super confidential.” sana mentioned.

“and you’re telling me this because?” chaeyoung raised an eyebrow, looking at sana.

“i want you to help me find out?”

“right. you want to do something against the rules so you come to the girl with tattoos.” she feigned offence with a blunt expression.

“it’s not like-”

chaeyoung cut her off with a short laugh. “it’s fine, i’m in.” they agreed to meet up during dinner while the nurses made sure everyone was sat down eating, both aware that it was the only time of the day when they weren't huddled up.

sana nudged tzuyu over with her head later during the day, feeling oddly excited for the upcoming events. tzuyu eventually followed her steps into sana's room, and only had to close the door before sana's lips smashed against her. “i feel so full of adrenaline.”

the woman's eyebrow arched in surprise. “is there a reason why?”

“i’ve been keeping my word if that’s what you’re so worried about,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “but i feel like breaking a couple of rules.”

“oh, you do that a lot.” tzuyu teased.

“and so do you.”

“i do,” she grabbed sana's hand, leading her towards the bathroom. “i’m thinking of a very specific one right now.”

tzuyu left half an hour later after sharing one last kiss, satisfied to see sana's sleepy eyes after the second orgasm and giving her the chance to change peacefully. they agreed to meet during the night, which gave sana a free path to do whatever she pleased until then.

chaeyoung was already waiting for sana, leaning against the wall with sunglasses on. she explained that they were necessary if sana wanted to embark a spy mission with her. she wiggled a set of keys that sana was afraid to ask where she'd gotten them from.

waiting for the right moment to enter the room took a while, but as sana kept her gaze on seeing if anyone was around, chaeyoung managed to open the door, forcing the girl inside along with her as soon as she did.

“what exactly are we looking for?” the girl asked, both looking around, seeing the shelves with countless boxes with papers and folders stacked on top of each other.

“i don’t know,” sana replied truthfully. “i thought there was going to be something super juicy in here.”

chaeyoung laugh. “well, it’s an archive. what did you expect?”

“my psychiatrist seemed super cautious about it,” she then explained. “let me search for a name. wait here.”

sana thanked for the progress of human effectiveness once she realized that everything was organized in alphabetical order. she followed the tags on the boxers with her finger, eyes moving up and down until she reached the desired section and pulled the labelled box out. she saw tzuyu's name written on the sealed envelope and smiled in success, but the smile faded once she heard a voice.

“sana? what are you doing?” she hadn't seen tzuyu holding a box in the other corner of the room. had she been in there all the time?

“fuck!” sana squealed, running away towards the exit.

“what?!” chaeyoung asked with shock displayed on her face.

sana grabbed her arm and tugged her out of the room with her. “let’s go!”

both girls ran away, waiting until the coast was clear so they could catch their breaths. “dude, what happened?”

“it’s okay, i got it. whatever this is,” she looked down to the envelope that she held. “that was a close call,” no, it wasn't. sana saw tzuyu approaching the two with an angry expression. “shit. get away from here. i’ll talk to you later.”

“damn. bye then.” sana didn't bother in seeing where chaeyoung had gone to because she was too busy watching tzuyu step into sana's room, glancing at her before she got lost inside, calling her over with her eyes.

sana knew she couldn't worsen things by not complying to the unspoken order. she walked with the papers placed behind her back, thinking about valid reasons that could justify her presence in the archive, but as she took more steps she felt more defeated into simply saying the truth. what was the harm in wanting to know more about tzuyu?

sana stepped in, tzuyu waiting for her with folded arms. “what were you doing in that room?” she stringently asked. “you know you can get in trouble for that, right?”

“i’m sorry! i felt curious to see what all the fuss was about.” sana quickly said.

“fuss about what? there’s only paperwork there,” her eyes squinted at sana's arms, shortly grabbing one of them and exposing the contents of her hand to her. “what’s that?”

“nothing…” sana stepped back, oddly nervous, wrapping both arms around herself and holding the papers against her chest.

tzuyu stared at it for a while before asking. “is that mine?” sana gasped, helplessly covering the label that the woman had evidently read already. “give it to me.”

sana furrowed her eyebrows at the shift on her face, her eyes darkening to a shade she'd never witnessed. “wait! it’s fine. i just took it to-”

“give it to me!” sana flinched.

“don’t yell at me!” she ironically answered with the same intensity. “you should leave.”

“yeah. with that,” she walked towards sana, and sana kept the same distance between them by stepping back. “that’s personal shit, sana.”

“what? your allergies and your birthday? why are you being so suspicious?” tzuyu didn't answer, she simply grabbed sana by the arm and pulled her against her, fingers digging into her skin with anger, her nails not short enough to not cause damage on the surface. “ow!” sana cried, yanking her arm back, wiggling herself out of tzuyu's grip as she stare at the woman. she couldn't recognize her then. she was furious, looking so capable of hurting sana if she didn't get what she was asking for. “what’s wrong with you?” sana asked, completely terrorized, but tzuyu didn't respond, and sana didn't wait for an answer either before she ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. she pressed her back against it, eyes closing and tears forming in her eyes once tzuyu started banging the door with her firsts and feet.

“sana!” she ripped the envelope open, throwing it to the floor before she took the pages out. the words written in a miniscule font and the relentless banging forced sana's eyes to move side to side until she found what tzuyu was so ruthlessly passionate to hide. “open the door,” she heard tzuyu growl like she'd never heard her before. “open the door right fucking now.”

but then she saw it.

nurse chou tzuyu...

traffic accident...

twenty-four years old...

2021...

drunk driver...

brain death...

sana's heart stopped at that moment.

her knees fell to the floor, the banging on the door fading away, tears blurring her vision that she had to wipe to keep reading tzuyu's death report. it'd been months since she died on her way to work, her car colliding with a drunk driver in a truck, only three days after the accident she was proclaimed brain dead, and life-support was taken away from her so her family could hold the funeral the next morning.

sana could understand everything then; tzuyu's lack of interaction with everyone in the ward, her sudden appearances and vanishments, the weird looks from everyone whenever they spoke in public, chaeyoung's teasing whenever she asked who sana was talking to, her not defending sana with the other nurses, the surprise of the psychiatrist when she yelled tzuyu's name, the woman's insistence to not let anyone know her name. she whimpered weakly, now realizing why everyone had treated her so poorly, especially when she was with tzuyu.

she fell in love with a ghost. tzuyu wasn't real. tzuyu was-

“y-you're dead?” sana yelped from the inside of the

“sana-”

“you’re dead!" the scream was fatal. sana sobbed on the bathroom floor, but she found enough strength to unlock the door, only so tzuyu could barge in, her face white as if she'd seen- a ghost. “you’re not real,” sana's heart lurched in pain, terrified of the figure in front of her, watching it kneel and grab her hand. it felt so real. sana could see her skin creasing under tzuyu's touch, she could feel her warmth. “don’t touch me!” she cried. “get away from me!”

nurses barged in, their heads immediately turning to the bathroom where sana sat, hugging her legs and holding them close to her chest, sobs echoing across the room. “what’s wrong?”

“she won’t leave me alone!”

“who?”

“her!” but as much as she pointed to tzuyu, as much as she looked at her with so much clarity, they couldn't see her, but sana could. she was certain that tzuyu was there. she could see the sadness in her face, the regret, the shame.

“tzuyu. chou tzuyu.” she then spat with so much hatred, and the faces on the nurses' faces explained everything. sana had met the co-worker they'd lost months ago. she'd fallen in love with her.

“call the psychiatrist. now.”

“i’m sorry,” she looked at her, standing in the opposite corner while the nurses picked sana up. “i need to explain myself.”

“stop.” sana whispered, eyes closing as if not looking at her would make her disappear.

“sana, please.”

“i- i can’t hear you.” and tzuyu vanished like sand in the wind before another syringe introduced sana to long, well-deserved darkness.