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Peter tiredly leaned his cheek onto his palm as he highlighted several new sections in his AP World History notes. It was Wednesday and exams were going to be taking place on Thursday and Friday. Which was why he’d suggested that he and MJ head to the library to study after class. Only he seemed to be the only one doing any actual work. When he glanced up, MJ was scrolling through her phone.
“I thought you wanted to go over your Forensic Science material?” he asked.
MJ glanced up from her screen. “I already did.”
“That was fast,” Peter mumbled, as he dug through his bag in search of a new highlighter. The one he’d been using had gone completely dry.
“Peter,” MJ said, shaking her head, her eyebrows raised. “We’ve been here for over two hours.”
“We have?” Peter questioned because it hadn’t felt like two hours. He’d only really made it through two subjects. He looked down at his watch to confirm the time and gasped in genuine surprise. “Shit! It’s almost six and I haven’t-” he began, then looked around at all of the people surrounding them. Rather than finish the sentence he started, he subtly mimed the hand motion he used to shoot his webs. Knowing MJ would understand, he began to haphazardly shove everything back into his bag.
“Well, before you swing off into the city,” MJ said casually. “I just want you to know I’ve already decided where we’re going for dinner on Friday.”
“Hey!” Peter half whined, looking up from where he’d been trying to hastily organize his folders. “I thought it was my turn to pick our date night destination.”
MJ nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. “Well, I’ve superseded the original rotation due to newly acquired information,” she said without any context, and Peter easily took the bait.
“Newly acquired information?” he questioned, one eyebrow raised.
“Yep,” MJ replied, peeking up from where she’d gone back to looking at her phone. “I just found out about a brand new vegan restaurant launched in Brooklyn, and you’re taking me there.”
“Okay. Sure,” Peter agreed, eager to try something new. With MJ being a strict ovo-pescatarian, they tended to go to the same handful of places all the time. A new restaurant that catered to her generally meat-free diet sounded like a perfect addition to their usual routine. “We can totally go there. No problem.”
“Great,” MJ chirped, then leaned in so closely that her warm breath ghosted past his cheek. “Let me know when you get home and that you’re safe, okay, Loser?” she whispered before tilting her head enough to pull him into a soft kiss.
Peter sighed as their lips touched and agreed to give her a call. Then he took off to spend the remainder of the evening in the Spider-suit.
When Friday finally arrived, Peter was eager to spend the evening with MJ. It had been an overly stressful week and he was looking forward to spending some time with her. They met up just before six and took the train to Brooklyn. MJ seemed to know exactly where they were going. Once they were in the right neighborhood, she promptly seized his hand and steered him through the bustling streets as though she were on a divine mission.
“So where is it we’re going, MJ?” Peter asked as they rounded another corner. “You never said.”
“Yes, I did,” MJ smiled. “I said we were going to a new vegan restaurant.”
“Okay, but does it have a name?” Peter questioned, to which MJ shrugged her shoulders. He glanced around as they waited for the pedestrian sign to allow them to cross the street and sighed. “Awesome. That bodes well. You do know where you’re taking us, right?”
“Yes, Peter,” MJ laughed. “I know exactly where we're going.”
Moments later, MJ paused in front of a building. Peter turned his head towards the door and did a double-take when he saw the words that were scrolled across the awning.
“That’s where we’re going?” he asked half-sputtered. “The-”
“-Slutty Vegan,” MJ interjected and Peter couldn’t decide if he was miffed that she'd cut him off, or grateful that he’d not had to pronounce the name of the place out loud.
“You know what? It looks pretty crowded in there,” he said, glancing side to side as numerous people poured in and out of the building. He was a little surprised that a restaurant specializing in vegan food would be so popular. Then he reread the name on the building and sighed. He supposed the old saying, ‘sex sells’ worked in every facet of every market. Including the food industry. “Maybe we should head somewhere else and come back another time,” he suggested.
“No way. I’ve been looking forward to everything about this place all week,” MJ protested.
“Fine,” Peter sighed, because it was hard to say no to that kind of enthusiasm. “What are you having?” he asked, realizing he wasn’t even sure what exactly he’d signed up for. “What do they even serve?”
“Burgers and Sandwiches. That kind of stuff, but with plant based proteins,” MJ replied, following up with a more thorough explanation of what that meant.
“Alright, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Vegan burgers,” Peter says, crossing his arms nervously over his chest. He’d eaten plenty of plant based meals with MJ but none of them had included meat alternatives quite like what she was describing. “Sounds good.”
At that point, they had gotten to where they could obtain a menu from the basket. MJ grasped one for herself and handed another to Peter. As he started to read through the list of entrees, his head nearly exploded. Each sandwich on the adult menu had been given an extremely suggestive name. He blinked a few times, wondering if he’d read it wrong. Not because he was prudishly offended. He was nearly eighteen. He’d read and heard and seen all kinds of things. Yet he just couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around the fact that there was such a thing as a Slutty Slushie. Though he supposed it shouldn't have been all that surprising. He was standing inside of a restaurant called The Slutty Vegan. It was a lot to take in.
“I’m thinking about having a One Night Stand,” MJ said, abruptly jerking Peter from his thoughts.
“What?” he asked, having not quite grasped what she’d said. His brain was still trying to process what was on the menu.
“A One Night Stand,” MJ repeated with confidence. “Unless you think I should try a Ménage à Trois, instead.”
Feeling overly, and probably unnecessarily flustered, Peter’s face heated up all the way to his ears. “I don’t think you should have either one of those things,” he rapidly replied. “In fact I think we should just order off the kids menu and call it a night.”
“Peter,” MJ nearly cackled. “I’ve seen you eat. That is not what you want.”
“Maybe it is? You don’t know,” he quipped. Although he knew she was right. There was no way a kids meal would be enough to sustain him. He'd be hungry the rest of the night. Then again, not having to say ‘I think I would like a Ménage à Trois,’ out loud sounded like a fair trade off.
“Oh come on. I know you want to eat Super Slut ,” MJ playfully taunted. “I bet it’s extra juicy .”
“Oh, God,” Peter groaned, then quietly hissed, “Don’t say that.” He could hear the couple behind them chuckling and wanted to sink into the floor.
“Then tell me what you actually want,” MJ said with a nearly harassing smile.
With a deep breath, Peter read over the menu one more time. That time focusing more on the descriptions than the names. Eventually, he settled on something, but rather than say it, he pointed to it.
“What was that?” MJ questioned. "You know, you’re going to have to speak up if you want to order.”
Peter sighed and mumbled, “I want a Sloppy Toppy.” His cheeks had turned pink all over again when MJ began to laugh. “I despise you,” he blandly responded.
“You love me,” MJ smiled. Then looked around until her eyes settled on a sign in the corner. “I’m going to use the restroom.”
“But we’re next in line!” Peter protested.
MJ shrugged her shoulders. “I guess you can order for me,” she said and turned to walk away. However, Peter was swift to catch her by the hand.
“MJ! I don’t even know what you want !” he pressed, hoping that would be enough to convince her to wait five more minutes. However, she didn’t appear to be affected.
“Oh, I’m definitely having a One Night Stand,” she said, with more vigor than necessary. “And I would like my Slutty Fries to have some extra Slut Dust.”
Peter groaned and closed his eyes. "Do you have to say it like that?"
"I'm merely quoting the menu, Parker," MJ said. Then she abruptly trotted away, calling out, “Be right back!” over her shoulder.
Unwilling to stop her, Peter sighed as he watched her hurry off. He just hoped that something would happen to hold up the already relatively long line. He definitely didn’t want to be the one to place the order. However, luck was not on his side and the moment MJ had disappeared into the women’s room, the line moved forward.
“Can I take your order?” the person behind the counter asked.
“Uh,” Peter stuttered in mild panic. His brain was racing, between ‘just order and get it over with,' and ‘What would Aunt May think if she heard any of those words casually coming out of my mouth.’ His stomach growled urging him towards the former. “I’ll have the uh- a, well. Actually, how about we just make it two. Two, uh, single evening encounters?” he hesitantly questioned more so that stated. “And can I add extra promiscuous dust to the fries? Please?”
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” the person behind the counter said. “I’m not sure what you're asking for.”
Peter swallowed with difficulty and forced himself to try again. “Um,” he said, buying some time while he looked for MJ, willing her imminent return. However, it had only been two minutes and she was expectedly nowhere to be seen. Then he was suddenly cognizant of all the people lined up behind him. So, he squeezed his eyes shut and gathered a deep breath before placing the order all in one breath. “I would like a Sloppy Toppy and a One Night Stand with extra Slut Dust on the fries,” he said, ending with a sharp intake of air.
“Coming right up,” the person said, and Peter stepped to the side. About that time MJ saddled up beside him, her hands tucked neatly into her pockets.
“Hey, Looser,” she said, nudging him with her shoulder. “Did you survive?”
“We are never eating here again,” Peter said without missing a beat.
“How can you say that?” MJ laughed. “You’ve not even tried it yet,”
“Alright, fine,” Peter huffed. “But if there is a next time, you’re ordering.”
“That’s okay. I have no problem ordering,” MJ said, then smiled widely. “We can share a Hollywood Hooker and a Side Heaux.”
“Awesome,” Peter tightly replied. “Sounds absolutely great, MJ. Nothing better than sharing a Hooker and a Side Heaux with my girlfriend.”
“Don’t say it like that,” MJ mocked, and Peter sighed. Their trays were placed on the counter, and they carried them to a table. Once they had sat down, Peter looked at MJ who was still on the verge of giggling.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself,” he said before taking a huge bite of his sandwich. It was better than he expected. He hummed in approval as he went in for another smaller bite.
"Says the guy with Slut Sauce on his chin," MJ said, handing over a napkin. Peter accepted it with a nod and wiped his mouth.
“I can’t help it,” he said, as he wadded up the first napkin and went in for a second. “It’s messy,”
“I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘sloppy,’” MJ said.
Peter, his mouth full, rolled his eyes.
“It’s good though, right?” MJ asked.
“Yeah, MJ. It’s good,” Peter conceded. It wasn’t like he could lie. He’d already eaten most of the sandwich and was starting in on the fries. When MJ didn’t immediately respond, he looked up to discover she was grinning broadly. “What?” he asked with a tilt of his head.
“Nothing,” MJ said, barely holding back her laughter. “It’s just that- I knew you'd come around."
Having been completely unprepared for that answer, Peter nearly choked on his drink. As he began to cough and sputter, MJ laughed. Although she did have the decency to hand him a few more napkins.
“That’s it,” Peter said, once he could breathe again, “We are never coming here again.” But he knew it was a lie. The food was good, and the company was even better. There was no doubt in his mind that they would be back. Probably the following week. Perhaps with Ned. Just to watch him squirm.