Work Text:
My brain feels so fucking fuzzy i can’t think straight. What is happening, this isnt real or maybe i’m not real. This weird void in my stomach feels like its growing, taking any sort of emotion i have leaving me with nothing. Leaving me with one feeling, anxiety and the realization that I’m really dead and i’m going to feel and live like this for as long as my body allows me, as long as the wisps allow me to stay here.
I don’t want to die, it seems much worse then this and i’m greatful for the “life” i’m living now if it’s even life lol. But why did they not let me die, why not leave me bleeding out why aren’t they letting me die now. Its too fucking cold for this shit.
Why do they care about me, why do they care about me why do they want me to feel okay i’ll never feel okay i’ll never feel fine again i’ll never feel happy like that again no matter how much we try. Just leave me alone, dont leave but dont ask questions. I need someone but i dont need you to try to comfort me. I just need you there thats all i ask.
Why do we have to hold this burden why do we have to fight these things, we signed up sure but some of this shit shouldn’t be OUR jobs. Maybe the stronger heros should handle this, not kids and vyncent. We’re to fucking young are we just wasting our life away dealing with problems that maybe if people had some sort of fucking common sense could solve. It’s not our problems i just wanna go home even if i don’t know where home is, even if we dont know where home is. I know dakota and vyncent are trying and theyre doing great man but i just dont feel anything. I feel cold i feel sad i feel scared i feel how my hands are shaking and how my body sometimes jerks in an attempt to tense up my muscles to make me warm. How this works without any blood i dont know.
How i can write in my notebook with hands shakier then my mom’s old microwave also unsure. Actually i hope my mom threw that old thing away, it was definitely not supposed to shake after 10 seconds of use. I feel like crap but i dont want to unpack all of that so i’m going to put it in my little jar and hope dakota or vyncent dont poke it around because oh my gosh it is so fuckin fragile right now especially with the whole rotting corpse thing. They might though. Oh my god our winnebage, OH MY GOD LEFROg
That was such a crazy roller coaster. I still dont know what the hell happened, my brain isnt as clouded anymore and that feels so good its still there of course but its freeing how little i feel it right now. I never even noticed any other things being gone but now that i know whats missing i miss it. I dont know if i can ever feel that happy again what is fucking wrong with me, that was great why am i so sad now whats wrong with me why am i so weird. FUcking idiot. JUst feel happy over the goddamn hug dont be sad you dumbass