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Light entered through his eyes, the sun visible from his spot laying on the ground. A gentle breeze alongside the perfect weather that was neither too hot, nor too cold. His limbs spread out on the grass below him, it was seemingly a perfect day.
However, the environment vastly contrasted the emotions within Touma's heart.
His body was shivering in fear, bile rose from his mouth as he sat up, leaned over and threw up everything he could. After doing so, his throat hurt from it and he wiped away some of the lingering saliva in his mouth.
Touma felt his heart pounding in his ears, his forehead sweating and his stomach twisting from the pure emotions he held in his mind.
"Was that enough for you to break, human? That was a rather painful way to die, having all your flesh eaten by those close to you as the only way for them to survive." A girl with little clothing, wearing a witches hat and having an eyepatch said, little to no emotion in her words despite how horrific the words she spoke were.
"Othinus!!" Touma angrily tried to bring his right arm to her, more accurately, to the lance she held in her hands.
However, the moment before he could place his hand onto the lance, the Magic God disappeared. As if she was never there to begin with.
Wearily, he quickly took a look around him, above his head and even below him to see if she was still somewhere in sight. Although the result was that she was entirely gone from his vision, yet he knew that simple fact didn't mean she couldn't kill him whenever she wanted.
He prepared his body, grit his teeth and imagined what sort of death he would have to experience this time. Would it be by an asteroid crashing into him? The world becoming a burning hell? A car hitting his body and dislocating all his limbs before he dies from blunt trauma? His limbs losing all possible bones, his own mass suffocating him? A murder chasing him down and cutting up his body before dealing the final blow? Explosives being fired off right next to him, charring his body and turning him to chunks of flesh?
Those terrifying thoughts wormed its way into his mind, his body instinctively shivering in fear at the infinite possibilities created through his own anxiety and nervousness.
He was scared, he didn't want to die again. Not another painful death that was tailor-made to increase his suffering.
However, he knew that doing nothing wouldn't bring them back.
It wouldn't bring back Index, Misaka, Birdway, Lessar, nor anyone else in the old world. Staying still and shivering in fear wouldn't bring back the people in his original world.
So he moved his body, walking forward through the grassy plain he was previously laying down on. Suddenly, without warning, he felt the ground beneath his feet disappear.
No time was even given for him to understand the situation, as his body flew downwards. He couldn’t tell which way was up, down, right or left. All he could see was the dark dirt that slowly transitioned to a grey for the ores and rocks within the earth.
He felt something. It was his own body, as his bones from his extended arms were broken in less than a second, his body flaring up in pain before his skull made contact with the hard floor, forced itself inward from the pressure and in zero seconds flat, Touma Kamijou died.
Touma's body was now cold, he was somehow standing and his vision was filled with snow hurtling towards him.
That last world..I think it's the first time Othinus made me a killer..
Touma faintly thought after having experienced being killed by Accelerator's wings so fast, that he couldn't even feel the pain from the action.
In the earlier worlds, some he could remember and some he couldn't simply because his brain locked away the memories just from how gruesome it was, he had never ended up killing someone. He didn't in that earlier world, but Othinus brought him into a situation where he had killed Misaka Worst with Accelerator nearby.
With an arm raised to help shield his face, he walked through the snowstorm going on. The snow under his feet sinking with each step, showing how the snow was at least 10 inches deep judging by how far his foot sinked into the snow.
His body started to freeze, his breaths showed up as puffs of air and seeing that it seemed he would die of hypothermia, Touma brought his right hand to his mouth and let out some breaths on it. It was the act of using his own breaths from exhaling in order to warm up his hands, that were bare without any gloves, nor was he wearing anything besides his outfit from before.
Touma could tell that in order to survive, he needed an external heat source. Something like a fire, heater, extra clothes or even the warmth of another person. However, Touma was also keenly aware that Othinus was not going to be kind enough to put those things within arms reach.
Even knowing that, Touma trudged on through the snow that was a minimum of 10 inches deep. Snow made it into his shoes, pants, shirt and everywhere through the gaps between his clothing, however small they were.
Touma knew there would be no way to survive this situation, the way he could feel the heat leaving his body at an alarming rate and his muscles stiffening was proof of that. Even then. Even if there was no way to survive, he needs to move forward. If he gives up in this world, that would be giving up on his resolve to return the world back to his original one.
It would be throwing away his wish to go back to the world where Index bit him on the head rather unfairly. The world where Misaka always launched unjust attacks he had to negate with his Imagine Breaker just because she was embarrassed or misinterpreted the situation. The world where Stiyl had taken on the role of a cruel sorcerer in exchange for Index to live a happy life. The world where Tsuchimikado lied constantly in order to make sure he could protect everything he wanted to protect. The world that Hamazura had found his own peace within the darkness and fought battles in order to protect that peace. The world where Accelerator realized his faults and worked on trying to fix them, trying to be a better person and save those he cares for.
That was the world he would abandon if he just died without even trying to move forward. So he clenched his teeth, moved his body and ran the best he could. Even if he fell, he shook off the snow and cold, stood back up and ran.
All to find the Magic God that put him here in order to return to his world.
Touma opened his eyes to see Othinus standing on top of his figure, her weight on top of him while he lay sprawled out on the ground. He tried to move, but none of his limbs moved according to how he willed it. He could only slightly move his right hand, but it wasn't nearly enough to lift it nor even edge it closer towards the Magic God.
"Human, you know that I have tried to kill you in many ways that would break your spirit, however you haven't had it broken. So, this time I will change my approach towards this." Othinus spoke freely, her lance in her lap, within arms reach of Touma, as if taunting him for his inability to move.
"Why..can't I..move..?" Touma disdainfully asked, finding it increasingly harder to take a breath in and out for some reason, though he could tell it wasn't due to Othinus' weight or anything like that. More like the problem was within his own body.
Othinus looked Touma in the eyes, looking fairly bored by the topic he brought up. "That is due to me removing all joints within your body required for movement, besides the ones in your arm because of obvious reasons."
"You--" Touma tried to yell at her, yet in a moment, his vocal cords closed up. The suddenness of it caused his body to convulse on the ground, at least the most it could without any joints inside his body.
He could barely breathe, and desperately tried to suck air into his lungs, no matter how impossible it seemed.
"Don’t worry. I won’t kill you. After all, I have yet to see you break from this new method of torture." Othinus had a grin on her face, making Touma think of her as the devil incarnate despite her being a God. "--Firstly, I will kill someone."
Her words made Touma's attention divert from his own lack of air instead in order to pay attention to what she meant by her words.
She will kill someone? Why? She never did that directly to anyone before now, so why start now?--And most of all, does she really believe that I would allow that!?
"I will kill someone entirely innocent. Someone who is no sorcerer and hasn't committed any grave sin that is deserving of death. And not just one person, I will kill three people who have done nothing wrong to deserve such a fate. Now, I'll at least tell you their names." Othinus' smile seemed to transform into a smirk that could only be called malicious, set purely on breaking the human named Touma Kamijou into so many pieces that he could never become whole again.
And Touma was very well aware of one simple fact that made his heart race faster than those times when he faced his death in the eyes. It was the fact that if Othinus so much as wished it, anyone she desired would die. She can easily manipulate the world to make it so that they died, she could even erase their existence from the world itself. And it wasn't something that could be undone by Imagine Breaker by so much as a touch. Like he experienced himself, she can easily distort the world as she sees fit and make it a purely physical phenomenon, meaning Imagine Breaker would prove useless to bring a stop towards it.
Even if the people themselves could be entirely fictional, even if they aren't really the same as the ones he knew in his original world, just the idea that someone would die and he couldn’t save them felt like his heart was stabbed.
"The victims are as follows. Hamazura Shiage, Fremea Seivelun and Misaki Shokuhou." Othinus' smile twisted, like that of a wicked witch, an inhuman being that only sought Touma's despair.
In the short time it took for Touma to blink, Othinus disappeared after saying those words. Her weight left his body, his vocal cords opened back up and he was able to move his body again.
"I..need to find them.." Touma stood up, quickly looking around the area to see he was inside of one of the alleyways he was quite familiar with due to his misfortune having him constantly end up in situations where he ends up running around in back alleys.
Seeing that it was familiar, Touma was able to tell this was Academy City. At that thought, he took his phone out of his pocket and searched through his contacts as he started running out of the alleyway and into the busy street.
Seeing the name of the person he wanted to call, he called them and put the phone to his ear as he was rapidly searching the crowd of students.
"Hamazura!" Touma cried out after the call got accepted.
"What is it, boss?" Hamazura's surprised voice reached him, making him relieved that Othinus hasn't killed him yet.
"Do you have Fremea with you right now?" Touma kept his eyes on the moving body of people surrounding him, most of them in casual clothing which meant it was a weekend. That fact meant that if he assumed the third person Othinus would kill was a student, as he didn’t know who the person was, then they wouldn't be in school right now.
"Yeah, why? Is something happening again?" Hamazura grasped that the situation was tense and he needed to be vigilant just by the tone of Touma's voice, something he would admit was impressive if he wasn't stressed due to the current situation.
"I'll explain it later, but someone is coming to kill the both of you. So tell me where you guys are." Touma had the worry of Othinus killing them when he wasn't even close enough to at least try to save them, although it diminished somewhat as Hamazura told Touma that the two of them were at a park.
At the news, Hamazura told him that they were going to run to a hideout he knew as someone once involved in Academy City's dark side.
"Wait! It might sound stupid, but don't head there. The person chasing after you is harder to deal with in closed spaces, so stay in the park. I'll run to you guys." Touma did feel somewhat relieved that their location was in a distance he was able to run to, considering just how large Academy City was.
He did feel bad about his lack of any explanation towards Hamazura, but the situation was too tense to get through everything. Plus Touma didn't know what his reaction would be to learn a literal God was after their lives.
Still, he also had to figure out another thing. "Hamazura, do you know who Misaki Shokuhou is? She is another target of this enemy."
"Misaki Shokuhou? I think she is the #5 Level 5, Mental Out. But to think a Level 5 was also a target..Just who exactly is this enemy.." Hamazura started to mutter his thoughts, however Touma mostly paid attention towards his words about the identity of the unknown 3rd victim.
Misaki Shokuhou is Mental Out. So the target is two Level 0's and one Level 5. However, if it's a Level 5 and Othinus appeared before them, they may be too overconfident in their abilities to the point where they would die even if Othinus openly challenged them and gave them multiple chances to escape.
Touma's thoughts transformed into concern for this new party, him running towards the park Hamazura was at with all his strength. Pushing people aside, toppling some over and despite wanting to stop and help them back up, he didn't dare waste those precious few seconds he had.
It didn't take too long before he made it to the park that Hamazura said he was at. And upon getting there, Touma saw that it was mostly empty, besides Hamazura, Fremea, a girl with long golden hair wearing a Tokugawa uniform and Touma's enemy, Othinus.
Othinus was facing the three of them, all of them on guard, though Fremea and the girl he assumed was the third victim stood a bit behind Hamazura.
Rushing into the scene, Touma drew the attention of Othinus. Of which, the God only gave a smile in his direction, and internally he felt his bodily instinct for survival blare off to run away and escape due to how he got very familiar with seeing that smile before going through something absolutely abhorrent.
"Boss--"
"Othinus!!" Touma cut off Hamazura's words, his relieved face turning into surprise at seeing the pure anger on Touma's face.
"What is it, human? Have you come to witness the scene of their deaths? To watch their bodies fall infront of your very eyes?"
"Don’t you fucking touch any of them! I won't let you involve them in this! This battle is between me and you, don’t you dare hurt others!!" Touma ran up to Othinus, and swung his right fist at the lance she held. He poured every bit of strength he had into it, rotating his body to maximize the power used in the punch.
However, as always, Othinus vanished from her very spot before he could notice. His first swung through open air, but since he expected that, he used the rotational force from his punch, quickly changed his footing and used it to turn around behind him. His fist flew towards the figure of Othinus standing right behind him.
See raised her eyebrows in light surprise, at least before Touma felt something slam into his body.
His body flew through the air, slamming into the ground and bouncing a couple times like a ball would when slammed into pavement. His arms flared up in pain, his legs hurt and he could feel the bruises and newly broken bones in his body before skidding to a halt on the hard pavement.
Opening his eyes, he saw that his vision was a bit blurred due to the injuries and some blood seeped into his eyelids, painting part of his sight a crimson red.
Although, he was more focused on what was there in his sight. A bit ways away, was Othinus, floating in the air and a car with a large dent on it was nearby the God. Most likely being the object used to fling his body away.
Other than that, he could see Hamazura keeping an eye on Othinus, making sure Fremea was standing behind him, but Touma noticed that girl in a Tokidawa uniform was running to Touma, seemingly abandoning the thought of being wary of Othinus in place of getting to the now injured Touma.
"Run..away.." Touma's voice was laced with clear pain, his only desire he hoped to convey to the unknown girl was for her to escape and avoid getting involved in the battle between him and Othinus.
"I can't leave my prince like this..!" The girl referred to him by some strange title he never heard anyone else call him before as she grabbed onto his left arm and used it to pull his body up.
It was somewhat successful, although Touma was gritting his teeth in pain due to his left shoulder being dislocated, so having the dislocated arm pulled on to get him leaning onto the girl pained him more than he thought it would. But the pain wasn't anything new, especially after having started this battle between himself and Othinus.
He could deal with the pain of having his dislocated arm pulled on. The more pressing issue was that his entire weight was held up by this girl who was quite visibly struggling to hold him, and sadly his legs had their bones broken which meant he couldn't support himself no matter how much he wanted to.
A cane could help to stabilize his body, however he hardly had the time to worry about that.
Touma paid his utmost attention to what was going on, and since he knew he couldn't move himself, he would have to do something he would rather avoid.
"Listen. That girl with the eyepatch is someone who can make anything she wants become reality. She told me she would kill those two and another person, and I can't explain everything but if I try enough times, I can bring an end to her goal. So please, help me!" Touma grit his teeth at having to involve an innocent person in a battle between himself and a literal God, feeling guilty that he could only move forward by involving this random individual.
The girl gave a smile towards him, one that strangely reminded him of the same smile a certain white nun showed him when he awoke in a hospital room as a complete blank slate. It was a smile that made him feel a strange sense of anger at the fact she put up such a facade of happiness in concern for him rather than herself.
"Don’t worry. I'll make sure to help you. After all--you aren't just my hero." The girl spoke, the last words of her sentence spoke too quietly for Touma to hear even while being directly next to her.
Touma kept his eyes trained on Hamazura and Othinus, ever so slowly inching closer thanks to the support of this unknown girl.
On the backpack of Fremea, a white beetle came off of it and its shape enlarged, enough to block the Magic God from the eyes of Fremea and Hamazura.
“Run now!” The beatles' wings moved as an artificial voice came from the vibrations caused by it, and without hesitation Hamazura quickly grabbed Fremea and ran.
Despite seeing the scene of the act, Touma could not feel any relief that they were running away as he knew such an action was useless to a God. And, like his own thoughts came true, Hamazura and Fremea became restrained by chains that appeared on their legs, making them trip from the new item appearing from thin air.
The beetle didn’t even turn to check on them, as the body of it started to crack and without any delay, it broke to reveal a male with handsome features that Touma only ever saw once before, during the Halation Project.
Othinus did not do anything nor react to the sudden appearance of a human within the beetle, her eyes seemingly paying more attention to Hamazura and Fremea than the Esper infront of her eyes. One may think of it as the enemy being overly cocky, or disrespectful, but Touma knew that in the case of Othinus, she didn’t even register the Esper infront of her as any threat to her life.
The man that came from the beetle, Kakine Teitoku, had pure white wings form on his back and without any waste, swung them towards the Magic God at a speed faster than the speed of sound. So fast that no one could dodge such an attack, with the wings itself being sharp enough that even a butterfly that landed on it would get cut by the wings. There was no way to dodge, evade, block or even counter such an attack.
--However, something on that level wasn’t nearly powerful enough to cause even a scratch on the Magic God.
With an awful crunching sound, the wing sent to mercilessly destroy the danger to Hamazura and Fremea’s lives cracked the moment it touched Othinus’ skin. It shattered like glass, and the shattered remains fell to the ground, embedding itself into the thick concrete.
“Run away! You stand no chance!!”
The very moment those words escaped Touma’s throat, he saw a horrible sight infront of his eyes. Kakine, who failed in his earlier attack, got grabbed by the Magic God.
The fact she even made contact with him instead of simply destroying him meant she was planning to kill him in a way that would bring unbearable mental anguish onto Touma. Yet, what happened next exceeded even Touma’s expectations.
Kakine had created new wings from his back. Not like the other ones that had seemed to be a copy of an angel’s that was seen in fiction, but like a large crystal that extended a length well beyond a kilometer. That wasn’t the worst part, no, it was the fact the wing was facing towards Hamazura and Fremea.
Such a large wing appearing within a timespan of just a single second was not nearly enough for the level 0 Hamazura and Fremea to even attempt reacting to. It easily, before Touma could even notice, stabbed straight through Hamazura’s torso, in the area where the lung resides. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily in a way, Fremea was at the height where such an attack just scraped her head.
Blood stained Hamazura’s clothes, dying it a crimson red and it was escaping through his lips. Landing directly onto the head of Fremea who stood in shock, eyes wide.
“H-Hamazura!!! Nyeh, wh-why are you doing this beetle!?” Fremea yelled out, as she processed what just happened and tears welled up within her eyes, looking completely lost on what the best option would be to preserve Hamazura’s life.
Still, with his back turned and providing no answer to the crying Fremea, Kakine’s wing that stabbed into Hamazura retreated back into his own body. The wing’s disappearance meant that the item that supported Hamazura’s body and stopped him from bleeding out even more than he currently was, no longer provided that function. So, Hamazura fell to the ground, Fremea’s support not being enough to hold his body up for even a second. Blood poured out of his body, so much flowing that you could fill up an entire bathtub full of it.
“I-I promised to be the one to protect everyone from n-now on, b-but I can’t even do that..” Fremea’s voice was feeble and weak as she held onto the body of the bleeding Hamazura, blood that escaped the lifeless corpse of his pooling around her feet and staining her clothes.
Touma could feel the girl holding up his body starting to breathe, getting continuously erratic, but within the time he noticed the fact he was also similarly experiencing, he saw something move towards Fremea.
It was small, about the size of a fist and was in an oval shape. Simply put, it was a bomb.
With widened eyes from the girl supporting Touma, and Touma's yell of desperation, the bomb glowed a bright light that temporarily blinded anyone who directly looked at it. The light's brightness made both Touma and the girl beside him turn their heads away and close their eyes in order to avoid being blinded.
A deafening shock resounded around them, then there was a strange splat sort of sound. Opening his eyes to the scene once more, Touma felt bile rise up his throat and he couldn’t contain the tears streaming down his face.
There was a crater in the place Hamazura and Fremea were at a moment earlier, and blood was splattered all over the ground. Not only that, but by Othinus' feet was the blown off head of Hamazura. His head itself no longer looked like a head, his skin charred to an unnatural degree and flaking alongside his hair tinged with flames, some internal organs and other body parts splattered around the God, however they were all blocked by the white wings coming out of Kakine’s back.
To avoid getting some of their remains on her, instead of simply moving away, instead of simply changing the laws of the world to have them avoid touching her, she used the body of the person she was controlling in order to take that onto himself. The same person that Touma had seen stand up to a being way above his level just to protect the ones he had been manipulated into killing.
"Othinus!!!" Touma's yell brought forth an unimaginable rage within him outwards, his eyes glaring towards the God standing nonchalant to the whole thing, like she hadn’t just caused this scene to happen purely to torment him. Like she didn't just kill two people who never should have gotten involved in the battle between the two of them. Like she wasn’t making a mockery of the person who desired to protect those two people.
"Human. You don't really believe their deaths will be the last, do you?" The God directed her gaze towards Touma--No, not Touma, but the person holding his body up.
The girl's body shivered at the gaze, and not a moment later, he fell to the ground on top of her. He didn't know what happened, but looked and saw that where her knee was that should connect to her left thigh and leg, was bent in an unnatural direction.
"Aaahhh..." the girl started to yell, although she instantly forced her mouth closed and bit into her lip hard enough to draw pain out.
Touma tried to bring his right arm to her knee, hoping Imagine Breaker would negate the damage done, which was easier thanks to having fallen on top of her body. But the moment he touched her knee, nothing happened, all that did was the girl bit her lip harder, drawing more blood and he was sure he heard a muffled yell.
"I-I know this looks bad, but I'll make sure to save you! Okay!? You'll have an ambulance come for you soon! Academy City is advanced enough to heal the wound! So everything will be fine!" Touma started to yell to the stranger, speaking words he couldn't quite tell who it was meant for. He had his grip on her leg, with his right that that was the only limb he could control tightened.
Unknown to Touma himself, Misaki knew that he was merely trying to deceive himself into believing that lie. As unscientific as it sounded, she could even feel her death coming despite the fact she only had her knee broken so far. So, before she could die, she wanted to tell her one and only hero one final thing. Despite the fact he would forget it and her the second after he heard it. Despite how he may even end up looking at her corpse like that of a stranger he had never met before.
"My..prince..I know you won't remember..but..I want you to know that..I..love you--" and just as she finished speaking, the blood vessels inside her body exploded, her organs pushing out and splattered onto Touma's body.
His clothing stained in blood, his slightly opened mouth having a somewhat crushed intestine splat itself against his lips, his arm that held onto her leg now holding onto the torn off body part.
It all revolted him to no end, made his anger go to an all new high as he directed his rage towards the one who caused this death.
A blood curdling scream escaped his mouth as he spoke the name of his enemy that had committed such acts of murder without a care in the world. "OOOTTTHINUS!!!!!"
Touma opened his eyes to see the sun glaring down at him. His body laid out on the ground, and like always, he saw Othinus looking at him from above, floating in the air in a way impossible for a normal human being.
"This time, how about you try seeing what the purpose of this world is for yourself?" With those parting words accompanied by a twisted grin, Othinus, the Magic God, vanished into thin air.
Touma grabbed the railing from the sidewalk he laid down on and used it to pull himself up.
He brought his foot forward, one after the other, just running with no destination in mind.
He ran, and he could feel something inside of him starting to crack. He could feel his mind was exhausted, tired and wanted to stop. He could feel all those worlds, the deaths, seeing others die before him wear down on him.
He would feel like throwing up when recalling how his limbs were torn off little by little, intentionally meant to be done slowly so as to enhance the pain he felt. How a multitude of dogs had attacked his body and eaten him alive, all while he was desperately thrashing around and trying to escape all their bites that tore into his flesh. How his nails were all torn off, teeth torn out, tongue ripped off and eyes scooped out of their sockets before being left to die all alone. How his windpipe was broken, not allowing the passage of oxygen into his lungs. How he was forced to use magic even if his Imagine Breaker would negate it, and as an Esper, blood clot on his very body and the sensation of explosions occurring within his own body just under the skin before ripping it apart flooded his senses.
Still. Even with such painful and horrifying experiences, the most painful things he had seen in these worlds made only to torment him were the deaths of others. Those memories brought more pain than any of his own deaths did.
Watching the life leaving the eyes of his friend who used magic to attempt to prolong Touma's own life by at least a second longer while in a desperate battle against a Magic God despite being an Esper. Holding a certain middle-schooler in his arms as she lay bleeding out with a whole in her stomach, saying words of gratitude towards him before her life ended. On his knees, helpless as a Saint with a 2 meter long blade gave him one last smile and told him she was sorry before being entirely eradicated by the overpowering strength of a God. Sitting beside an albino haired teenager who lay dying on the ground, all his limbs gone with blood spurting out from the stumps, his last words telling him to take care of the people he would leave behind after dying. Desperately trying to pump oxygen into the body of a red haired sorcerer that spent his last moments protecting Touma, despite saying he would never do such a thing a couple moments earlier, only done so that the girl in Touma's care could continue her happy daily life. Hugging the dying body of a black haired girl that was given the power to kill a certain existence without even desiring to, as she told him she never felt happier than on the day he saved her in a battle she didn't think he would win at the time. Listening to the last words of his teacher that looked more like a grade-schooler, who told him that he shouldn't cry to badly, as it was her duty as his teacher to protect him. Confusedly overcome with grief seeing the final moments of an unfamiliar girl that had strangely fluffy hair wearing a Tokugawa uniform, giving a bittersweet smile and saying she wished he could've saved her.
All those memories that remained only with him and the one that initiated all those scenes chipped away at his already strained heart. It was all beginning to eat away at him.
--Why continue if another hell is just waiting on the other side? What point is there if it's never going to end? She's a God, there's no way to beat her or even get anywhere near her.
Touma knew those thoughts couldn't be allowed, as they would cement themselves into his head, however they formed in his mind despite his internal desire to avoid such thoughts. And once those thoughts appeared, he felt energy leave his body, his running feet coming to a stop and the sweat built from all his running along with the beaming sun making his exhaustion feel way worse.
He didn't feel like he could even walk another step. Not because he physically couldn't, but because his heart was too hurt, too exhausted to continue. He didn't want to continue and only see more of those heartbreaking scenes that made him curse his own weakness.
He could hear a bunch of people walking about, the sounds of chatter between them uselessly entering his eardrums. It was the sounds he heard all the time in his usual everyday life, sounds he liked to try to associate with his original world and everyone he cares for that would accompany him when he heard those sounds of useless chatter.
However, he quickly stopped paying attention to them when he heard a certain voice yell out his name.
Tiredly lifting his gaze, he saw the familiar white nun habit enter his vision. Her figure quickly approached and in no time at all, she made it infront of him.
"In..dex..?" Touma was willing to bet he looked absolutely beat by how Index had her face covered with worry.
"Touma? Is everything okay? Did you go off and fight someone without telling me, again." Index pouted, no doubt she would bite his head for leaving her alone and fighting someone. However, the Touma Kamijou standing here wasn't the usual energetic one that would try his best to avoid being bitten, it was a Touma Kamijou that felt the unbearable exhaustion of hundreds upon hundreds of worlds wear down on his very soul.
Could he even begin to explain to Index how he felt? Would it even come close to all the emotions swirling inside his heart? Would it convey how much he just wanted for everything to stop, for it all to end? Could he properly tell her what it felt like?
The second he thought of it, he immediately dismissed the idea of it. As it would mean potentially having Index try to fight with him, and get killed by Othinus. Even if he was told by the God that no one she created could resist her, he didn't want to take the risk of Index attempting to and dying just because Touma involved her into it.
It would also be far too cruel to tell the nun so worried about him that this world, her very existence, was something made by a God, and that he wanted to erase this world to get back to his own world and his own Index. Essentially, he would be telling her he wants to kill her current self for the one he knew.
"I..I.." Touma trailed off his words, his brain unable to think up of something to say to the girl standing infront of him.
He couldn’t tell her the truth. Yet he couldn't just say nothing was wrong, it was obvious to anyone that those words would be a lie. So he should tell her a half-truth.
But how much of the real truth should he incorporate into it? He didn't know if bringing up Gremlin was a good idea, as he has been in a couple worlds where Gremlin didn't exist, and even one where they ruled over everyone's lives. So if he mentioned Gremlin, but they didn't exist in this world, that would mean he would have to explain what the organization is and everything about it, something he felt would take too much time and energy that he didn't have.
Should he even try to tell Index just how he felt? Did she deserve to have him dump all his emotions she won't even begin to understand unto her?
"Touma. Tell me what's going on. And if it's something you can't, then at least tell me how you feel at the moment." Index spoke with a more clear voice and expression, befitting of a nun rather than the expression she usually has on her face.
"I..I feel tired." Why is he telling her this? "I want it all to stop." There's no time for this, Othinus might be somewhere killing someone already. "I don't want to see this continue on, weighing down on my heart even more each time it happens." Do..do I want to tell someone what's been plaguing my heart? "I can handle my own pain, but the pain of others is what hurts me the most."
"If that's the case.." Touma was unable to see Index's face as covered his eyes with his hands, not wanting any potential tears to leave his eyes. "Then why don't you give up?"
Touma instantly felt his hair stand, a chill rise up his spine and tearing his hands off his face, he saw Index smiling at him as she said those words. She looked like the usual Index, her voice was the same and her face unchanged.
However, he knew that Index would never tell him to give up. She wasn't the type of person to see someone struggling and just say that they need to give up. She had a will that was as persistent as him at times.
It made his body shiver at seeing her acting entirely different than how he knew her to be. Similar to how someone you have known for years may suddenly show themselves to be the exact opposite to how you thought they were.
Touma knew exactly what was the cause for the shift in personality. He knew the truth of why she was different.
So with his teeth grinding against each other, eyes glaring into the sky, he spoke words filled with resentment towards the person who did this. "Othinus!! Is this your play?! Have me try to rely on Index and manipulate her to be different than I know her?! Come on ahead and face me yourself so I can destroy that screwed up delusion of yours!!"
Without a moment's delay after he spoke, Othinus appeared to the side of Index and Touma, her lance merely held on her hands as she looked unamused by the situation.
"You asked for a fight, did you not? If so, then I'll grant you that fight you so wish." Othinus had a smile form on her face, and before Touma could tell what was going on, his legs fell from under his body.
He attempted to use his arms to help catch his body mid-fall, however only his right hand reacted. It wasn't enough to hold his body weight, so he instead used his working right hand to soften the impact of hitting his head on the ground.
While sprawled out on the ground, he attempted to move his head to see what happened to his body, but it was impossible. No matter how much he tried to move his head, he willed it to move, it didn't move an inch. It started to even become harder to breathe, now he had to take an effort to even pump air into his lungs and let out a breath.
"Touma! Touma! Are you okay?! Why can't your arm stop this?!" Index asked with a hint of desperation in her voice, holding his own right hand in her own and moving it to touch his own body laid out on the ground.
Touma himself knew the answer. It was the fact that Othinus used her powers as a Magic God in order to give Touma some condition, medical or purely physical, that made his body unable to move.
Based on experience having had it once before in the previous worlds where he passed away in a hospital bedroom, he was willing to bet it was Muscle Dismorphia. A disease that makes it so that the electrical signals of the brain don't properly stimulate everything and the person cannot control their limbs.
He couldn’t even control the use of his right arm anymore, nor could he open his mouth to tell Index what was going on.
"Touma! Touma! Should I get an ambulance for you? But how do I call them?!" Index has tears streaming down her face, uselessly shaking Touma's body.
That idiot..She needs to pay..attention to Othinus..She's right there..
Despite how he had to force his body to actively breathe in and out, Touma was more worried about Index than himself.
"--Human, since you asked for it. I shall now show you just how easily the power of a God can kill you."
Touma didn't know what happened, but he suddenly saw his vision shift around, like he was rolling around. He couldn’t move his body, yet he felt strangely lighter than before, like his body weight had suddenly changed. Now being able to move his eyes, he gazed downwards and saw that like it was a puppet, there was a body. It looked exactly like his own, held in the arms of Index like his own, and there was a clean cut from where the neck was that had a couple thin veins and nerves attached to it.
Oh..I died..
With that calm thought, Touma accepted his death.
He accepted another death that started to pile up and wear down on both his heart and soul. Although, just because he accepted it doesn't mean it will be the end. It doesn't mean it will break him, despite how close he may have been to breaking down in that world.
He will keep pushing and moving forward. He will keep getting past these worlds, these deaths, and will use every ounce of energy to get close to the God that stands in his way. No matter if all he can do is take a single step for every 100 world’s he experiences. He will move forwards, no matter how long it may take, no matter how much he may die or how he might be tortured. He won't give up.
That was the resolution made upon his one of his countless deaths. One resolution he would keep hold of throughout the various worlds he has experienced all for himself, all centered on attempting to try and make his mind break.
Touma opened his eyes and saw the ceiling directly above him, his mind was hazy yet he tried to keep his guard up just incase anything happens.
The ceiling above him was the same as his dorm rooms, meaning he was now brought into his dorm for some other torment that Othinus would inflict upon him.
Who would die now? Would he get another death that caused a sense of nausea to merely recall the experience of? Would he once more feel the regret and guilt of being powerless as he watches someone die before his very eyes?
What sort of death would it be? Bludgeoning? Blood loss? Internal organ failure? Decapitated? Blood vessels bursting? Shock and pain overloading his nerves? Strangulation? Burning? Hypothermia? Drowning?
All those deaths were ones he experienced before, and he hoped this time only he would die.
His eyes wandered, craning his head, he looked around the apartment.
Immediately, he saw Index who was staring at his face and asking him for food. However, he pulled his attention away from her and tried to see if Othinus would appear to sign his death warrant.
And appear she did, except she was desperately running away from the calico cat Index adopted, Sphinx. Her body was also small enough to fit inside his own hand, and Touma had relief flood his body as his mind started to wake itself up enough to recall that Othinus was in no state to use her powers as a Magic God.
Watching Othinus running from Sphinx for a moment, Touma groaned as he pushed himself up from his bed and went towards her small figure running away. Index seemed to start getting mad at him for ignoring her, but he just gave her a pat on the head to somewhat placate her as he moved towards Othinus.
Easily, he grabbed the figure of Othinus who looked more like a toy figurine than a person with her body size and weight.
"I..thank you for..your assistance.." Othinus was panting like crazy, most likely having been running from the calico cat for quite a while already.
"Don’t worry about it. I know it's probably tough to be that size and deal with Sphinx like when you're like that." Touma gave a sheepish smile, turning to go to the kitchen and moving his hand so Othinus could move herself to his neck rather than his hands.
Wordlessly, she goes there and Touma starts to take out some ingredients for making breakfast.
"So human, why did you seem to ignore that girl and instead got me? Not that it isn't a kind gesture, but usually you would focus on that girl first and then assist with my escape."
"It's just that, I had a dream with you in it. And since I just woke up, I guess I focused on you more than Index."
"Oh, what type of dream would that be?" Othinus seemed to be curious, yet was still teasing him about his words.
"It was a good dream. One I wouldn't ever want to forget no matter what." Touma remarked with a bittersweet smile, one noticed by Othinus who stayed silent at his words.
The two didn't say a word, yet they both understood what the dream was about. It was of the adventure that was brought on due to Othinus, and similarly ended by her hands.
An adventure that lasted for far longer than either of them kept track of, where pain and suffering seemed to be a constant. An adventure that only the two of them can remember, the God and the human. No one else can recall it, not even Index who would never be able to forget a single thing she experiences in her life.
The two understanders both have a smile on their faces, due to how at the end of all that suffering, they are now able to live with each other and live a peaceful life together. Well, as peaceful as Touma Kamijou's life can get.