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I trudge through the snow in the vague direction of the encampment. The temperature is at minus thirty-three, but the wind's bite makes it seem several degrees colder. I have lost feeling in most of my limbs, and if I am out here for more than fifteen minutes longer I shall enter the first stages of developing frostbite.
"If I have to read this dull bullshit for more than a second longer I shall enter into the first stages of fucking well killing myself," Arya declared to the room in general, slamming the book shut. "It's absolute crap. It has maybe two redeeming features and the writing style lacks flair, originality, imagination, and, well, style! How it even got into the longlist I'll never know."
Varys, the eunuch, spoke up. "Perhaps, Lady Stark, it benefitted from the favourable comparison between it and the works of the author's brothers, Robert and Renly Baratheon. As I recall, Robert's style is loud and abrasive, Renly's flamboyant, but ineffective, and both their plotlines contain gaping holes. Perhaps the previous panel misjudged Stannis's as good as a result, though I should comment that there are many who appreciate his straightforward mannerism when writing, and find his judgements on the justice system accurate."
"Doesn't make it interesting though," Arya grumbled, as she picked up the next book from the pile. "He isn't into the shortlist on my watch."
"You are aware that Davos, as head judge, gets the final say on the shortlist? And that he and Stannis have been close friends for over a decade and a half now?"
Arya sighed, turning instad to the book in her hands. She flipped it around and peered at the blurb, shortly snorting with laughter.
"And why exacty should the blurb of Two as One be so entertaining, my friend?" asked her temporary companion, clasping his hands together as he peered across the table.
"The Lannister twins have written a romance novel involving so-called "soul bonds" between very similar people and about how such pairs are fated to be together. If that isn't one big euphemism for "It's okay that we have an incestuous relationship, honest!" then I don't know what is."
Varys pursed his lips. "They have been known to leave corporate events sporadically and together on multiple occasions, usually when Robert is drunk and getting drunker, though I'm sure such occasions are simply in order to cool down, reapply makeup, and prepare to relax for the rest of the evening. And of course the fact that her makeup is often disturbed after these escapes is only due to her brother's appalling application of it rather than any kind of intimacy between the pair."
"Mr Varys! I truly cannot believe your implication! Ser Jaime has an incredible eye for makeup! Why, just the other day he complemented my sister on her... On second thoughts... Nope, you were right."
"Hmm. Speaking of your sister, I was wondering what you thought of her literary works."
"An overly romanticised portrayal of the rescue of a female from a monstrous tormentor by a strong male character who she then goes on to live happily ever after with and have five children, each more beautiful than the last, which should leave the first somewhat resentful and the expectations on the later ones heightened, but the collapse of the family stage of the relationship's development is thankfully avoided due to the book's ending at a period when all appears set to go well."
Varys considered her statements. "An accurate enough description, all told."
Arya groaned, glancing skywards. "I feared as much. I've never read the thing."
"Of course," Varys observed, "you know her inspirations and her vices well."
"It isn't overly difficult. Fairy tales and happy endings respectively. Not too difficult to remember. I was hoping she'd have moved on by now."
"Indeed. Perhaps all is not lost for her, however. Her prose is delicate and graceful, and she has, I have heard, been taken under the wing of one Petyr Baelish, renowned crafter of worlds and spinner of stories."
Arya snorted. "Baelish is weak. His twists are all the same; there's an unexpected face pulling all the secret strings and causing chaos. The only good one was when it transpired that the main character was the villain all along; a plot taken straight from the big screen a few years previous. He assisting Sansa may benefit her in some ways, but unless she gets over herself and this idea she has of heroes and villains while avoiding Baelish's technique of using only antiheroes and antivillains, she won't manage to write anything good." Varys hummed in agreement. Arya opened another book on a random page, glanced over it briefly, and slammed it shut. "Remind me never to read anything by a Greyjoy again."
"Theon's book has made its merry way to you, then?"
"He can keep it. The perverted arsehole makes fifty shades of grey seem tame. Even his sister isn't much better; the iron price, rape and pillage... At least I'm certain hers is fiction."
"Do none of the ten books suggested appeal to you at all, my lady?" Varys enquired. "By all accounts it is a list of acclaimed works."
Arya glanced down at the list, which was arranged at random, and scowled. "Acclaimed, yes. All good, no. Number one, Upright, by Stannis Baratheon. Dull. Uninspired. Gritty and interspersed with some doggedly inspiring moments, true, but the rest more than compensates."
"Two as One has been acclaimed by several well-known romantics, and has some merit in the prose, but too much arrogance for you, correct?" Varys enquired.
"I had to read it, and had honestly never had the urge to vomit quite so much in my life. Until I read Theon Greyjoy's Turned."
"And what of Baelish's latest?"
"Mockingbird is painfully staged, but the dialogue is good. Baelish manipulates the thought process well. It is a pity that his descriptions of the characters, rather than other peoples', are the ones the reader reads, as he writes in third person. First would be more suited to the deceptions he plays. The description always gives the role away."
"Indeed. I myself have always found his use of the past tense to be another concession to his ego; he will only allow himself, as the omniscient, to tell the story, rather than his own characters."
"Fifth on the list is Sansa's Fly Away with You. The less said about that, the better, but it is followed by a stronger contender. Daenerys Targaryen's Dragons. More arrogant than the Lannisters', more metaphors than Shakespeare, but dear gods can this girl write imagery well. Passionate and driven, a tale seeped in fire and loss and vengeance which is ultimately successful in making the reader crave more from this writer, and I am sure more is to come. Certainly amongst the top five, possibly top three. Excellent book."
"Yes, I rather agreed," Varys told her. "I knew her father, you know; he got me into the publishing industry. He was mad, but he had his moments of genius. She has the genius, but not the madness, I sense."
"That remains to be seen. There's at least a chance that she's a pyromaniac and I reserve the right to refrain from judging her mental capabilities at this time. Moving on brings us to another decent contender, though not excellent. Love-Marred Duty, by Brienne."
"I never saw the point of love," Varys admitted, "and unrequited love in particular. However, she manages to pull the odd heartstring."
"Far too rarely to have any true effect, though."
"Indeed."
"Eighth is stronger. Broken Things, by Tyrion Lannister."
"Ah, yes. Everyone loves an underdog, and this is full of them. Wit and speed and allies fight brute strength and violence."
"A classic matchup seen many times before. But the prose is good and the humour better. I would place it on the same level as Dragons, perhaps higher, due to an appreciation of the absence of Lannister arrogance."
"Agreed."
"The penultimate book is Jon Snow's Nothing. Heartfelt, bittersweet, a tale of loss and love equally. Easily in the top three."
"You are sure? There are certain elements of the work which reek of immaturity."
"Trust me, Jon is mature. However, the story is one of teenage angst and fear and losses; a tone of immaturity must be found or it would be unrealistic."
Varys was silent for a moment. "And the last, my lady?"
Arya smirked slightly. "Valar is the best of the lot, almost unquestionably. It pulls no punches, has no romanticised distractions, and speaks of an elegance of movement which is both beautiful and evocative. It is enigmatic and intelligently structured in the second person to drive a sense of attachment to the main character. It deals with issues in a moderate amount of detail, not too much, not too little. It gets to the point and drives it home well; I would vote for it to win."
Varys smirked. "Of course, it is a good book, and one that I recommend you do indeed vote for... in fact, I might do so myself... If you would do myself a small favour first... Mercy."
Arya's eyes flickered to the cover of Valar, taking in the title, the cover art, and her pseudonym, before she looked Varys in the eyes.
"Did you truly think I was so unaware?" He questioned. "That office worker who got you on this panel has been awfully jumpy around authority lately, the poor simple lad. You manipulated him well, gave him nothing, but he cannot keep secrets. I can put two and two together, Miss Stark. All I need you to do is help me remove Mr Seaworth from control of the publishing sector. It should not take much; this is the second time he has promoted Stannis Baratheon's works above their station."
"So you'll have leverage over me but I'll have leverage over you, too?"
"Indeed. And if you happen to get the publishing deal from it, well, I wouldn't be surprised. We both stand to benefit greatly from this agreement."
Arya nodded slowly. "And if I don't agree?"
"Then I simply have to win Daenerys Targaryen to my side through different methods. Perhaps she shall win the deal. She is a family friend of Randyll Tarly's, after all, and Doran has always shown a liking for the girl. A few covert suggestions and Dragons will take precedence at IronThrone Publishing."
Arya sighed. "Then we have a deal, Spider."
Varys shook her hand. "Thank you, Wolf," he told her. She made as if to leave, but he halted her progress just before she reached the doorway. "By the way, my lady, I feel I should tell you; of all those books, truly, yours interested me the most. I thought you should know."
She nodded, and left.