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Janus didn't have a soulmate. It was a fact of their life. They've always been able to see all colors. They couldn't remember a time when anything was gray when it shouldn't have been.
It didn't upset them anymore. It used to be something that hurt all the time. Knowing the universe gave everyone a soulmate except them. But they're used to it now. They don't mind being alone.
That's what they tell themself when the familiar feeling of hurt and loneliness creeps back in, late at night.
It doesn't bother them. They're used to it. It's fine. They're fine.
"I know you're not fine, Jan." Their best friend, Remus, said. He'd been bothering them for a while now, asking what's wrong. He was somehow always able to tell when something was up with Janus.
"I've told you, Remus, it's fine. Leave it alone, okay?" They tried, again, to get him to drop it. Because they really did not want to talk about what was upsetting them. They've hidden it from Remus this whole time that they dont have a soulmate, and though they don't think Remus would be the type to laugh at them or leave because of that, you can never be too careful.
Remus rolled his eyes before staring blankly at Janus. "Jannie, you should know by now that I cannot be deterred. Once I make up my mind on something, it will be happening. And I've decided you're finally gonna tell me why you're always so down!" He said firmly.
"I'm not always down!" Janus said defensively, glaring at Remus and crossing their arms over their chest.
"You're right," Remus agreed. "You have one other mood; angry." Janus groaned, running a hand over their face and staring at their lap. After a few moments, Remus crossed the room and sat next to Janus on their bed. "Come on, Jan. You know you can tell me anything, right? This is a judgement free zone."
"I know, I'm sorry. I just.. It's hard to talk about." They said, leaning their head on Remus' shoulder. They really appreciated having a friend like Remus on their side. He'd never judge Janus for something they couldn't control. Never in a million years.
"That's understandable, Janus. Whenever you're ready, I'm here for you." He said, leaning his head on top of theirs. They smiled softly, mentally preparing to talk about it. They hadn't actually talked about it out loud in.. several years.
"I don't.. I don't have a soulmate." They finally managed to say. "It hurts, sometimes. Knowing that everyone but me has one." They took a deep breath. It did kind of feel nice to talk about, though they'd never admit it to Remus. Probably, at least.
Remus shifted a bit, moving his head to look them in the eyes. "Hey, that's fine. I don't have one, either." Janus' eyes widened and they stared at Remus, searching his face for any indication that he was lying or joking. It'd be a cruel joke, but Remus was known for trying to lighten the mood with jokes. "I'm serious, snakey. I don't have one. I've always been able to see all colors."
"You— What?" They said, trying to process the fact that it wasn't just them, what the fuck. Remus chuckled softly.
"I don't have a soulmate, just like you. I promise I'm being serious right now. As hard as that is for me." Janus almost laughed at that, but unfortunately, their brain was still trying to process the fact that Remus didn't have a soulmate either.
"Oh. Okay." Was all they were able to manage to say in response. All this time. All this time they've felt so alone and hurt and unlovable. And their best friend, their childhood best friend, was the same way? The whole time? Fucking hell, maybe they should tell more people they don't have a soulmate in case they also don't have one and feel as lonely as Janus.
"Take your time to process this, I can tell you've never met anyone else without one. It's a lot to take in, trust me, I know." Remus said softly, moving to lay back on Janus' bed. They sat there, on the edge of their bed, for a while before moving to lay next to Remus. He happily lifted an arm to invite them to cuddle, which Janus happily accepted because cuddles sounded perfect.
They laid their head on Remus' chest, taking a deep breath and listening to his heartbeat. "I'm not alone?" They mumbled, almost hoping Remus didn't hear them. By the way he ran his fingers so gently through their hair, it was clear he did.
"Of course you're not. I'll always be here with you, even when you don't want me anymore." He said, voice soft. Janus chuckled a bit.
"I'll always want you around, Re. You're so important to me." They said, closing their eyes. A nap sounded nice. As they began to drift, they heard Remus speak, and could practically hear the soft smile on his face.
"You're important to me too, snakey. So important."