Chapter Text
One
Of course, the first one was the groundhog. Technically, Tony had hoped it was a rare occurrence and this wasn’t a typical thing. Tony was oddly optimistic in this way. Tony personally saw the ground hog. He had seen it, identified it and Cooper had informed him that it was originally in the mattress. Tony had paid attention, there was an indentation in the mattress, Cooper had been lying on top of the mattress, the groundhog in the mattress. This provided Tony with the preliminary understanding that wildlife was not unusual for Cooper…but he still thought it rare.
Two
The second one was the foxes. Foxes plural. Granted, based on the picture that Cooper sent, they weren’t in the hotel room. But Tony had sent a selfie with the bots and some greeting of some sort…probably he’d said he was chillin with the bots and asked what Cooper was doing. Cooper had sent a picture back, something of a selfie-ish picture actually, because you could see Cooper’s boots and the lower section of his jeans. He was sitting on the ground. Maybe. Definitely close to the ground. And his boots were surrounded by young foxes. Cooper had responded that he was babysitting. It was cute.
Three
The third was a bit unnerving. The third was bats. A lot of bats. Tony had sent a picture of the NYC skyline, at sunset, a picture he took while zooming around in the suit. Tony sent it along with a note asking what he was doing. Cooper had sent back a picture of the ceiling in a room…Tony didn’t know if he should consider it a hotel or a motel or what…but it was a ceiling. So it was inside. But the picture of the ceiling was absolutely covered in sleeping bats. Cooper had written that he was settling in for the night, his fugitive was near by. Tony protested, Cooper said it would be just fine, the door didn’t sit right on its hinges so the bats would be able to get out and come back just fine. Tony replied that his protests weren’t related to the ease of egress for the bats.
Four
The fourth was lizards. Not big lizards. Just small lizards. On the wall of the hotel room…Cooper had sent this one on his own, not as a response to one of Tony’s pictures or texts. He’d captioned it. ‘Hanging out with the were-lizard’s cousins.’ Tony had been amused. This wasn’t too bad. Technically. He remembered…vaguely…a couple hotels with lizards back during his college days….spring breaks in hot climates….plenty of tequila making their presence more amusing than anything. Tony doubted that Cooper had a bottle of tequila in this room with the lizards. He considered making the recommendation.
Five.
The fifth was a squirrel. Not too unusual, except that it was a squirrel that based on the angle of the picture meant that the squirrel was cracking open nuts and having dinner on the pillow that Cooper was likely using as his own. It was a cute squirrel, but still. He’d told Cooper after that one that he just needed to tell him know where he was and he’d spring for something with five stars and room service. Cooper had turned him down. He’d countered with a hot tub. Cooper turned him down again. Tony countered with fewer stars, but at least clean sheets and no unexpected critters. Cooper had sent him another picture of the squirrel. The squirrel did not look impressed.
Six.
He’d texted Cooper to ask if he might be able to drop by to catch up and Cooper had sent back a picture. Of a mountain lion. Sunning itself on the hood of his truck. A mountain lion. On The Hood Of The Truck…..What. The. Actual. Fuck. Cooper had responded to Tony’s WTAF with a perfunctory, ‘mountain lion. Might be a while before I could meet you. Walking to the local grocery for a fish.’ Apparently he had picked up his fugitive and been heading to the truck and they’d encountered the mountain lion, sunning itself on the hood. They’d walked down to the grocery, acquired a very large fish. It did convince the mountain lion to abandon the hood of the truck. It left a substantial dent in the hood. Tony had seen the dent in person. Cooper hadn’t seemed too put out. Tony worried about this.
Seven
Tony received the next picture during a very boring meeting. He checked it out and then turned it slightly to get a better view. Armadillo? Armadillo. Yes. That was a picture of an armadillo. It was hunched up on its back legs, little paws together, looking up at the camera and based on the fact that it was standing on remarkably ugly carpet and next to an equally abhorrent bedspread covered bed-like structure…inside the room Cooper was planning on sleeping in that night. Armadillo. Tony had concerns.
Eight
Tony saw this one in person. He’d dropped in again on Cooper. They were chatting, eating whatever Tony had brought for food at a small uneven table in the window, under a pendant lamp. He’d seen something move. Cooper had looked over and they’d both been quiet. It looked like a very large worm, slithering against the floor, not the right color for a snake, worm colored. Right there poking out from under the edge of the bedspread. Then the large lump climbing up the side of the bed, moving around on the mattress under the bed spread. Not a worm. Tony considered stepping over and possibly flipping the cover back and determining what it was. Cooper chuckled and started eating again. Tony had looked at him, curious. Cooper knew what it was, apparently. Tony raised an eyebrow. Cooper shrugged. “Possum.”
Nine
An entire family of raccoons. Not just one adult raccoon or one small raccoon. An entire family of raccoons at the end of the bed. Tony wanted to call. Wanted to call and tell Cooper to leave immediately and let him find him a different place to stay and possibly a place that didn’t have raccoons on the bed and also, just maybe, no visible hole in the roof. There was no way this place was supposed to be open. It had to be closed down. This was unacceptable. Cooper refused an alternative sleeping arrangement for the evening.
Ten
A doe. A deer. An actual deer. Tony laughed to see it. In the picture it was peering out of the bathroom alcove of this room. Cooper let him know he wasn’t entirely sure how it had gotten in or how long it had been there, and that he’d left the door open so the deer could leave and it left on its own before Cooper had turned in for the night. This time, Tony managed to extract a promise from Cooper that he would come to New York or Malibu soon so he could sleep somewhere where he could take his shoes off to sleep, even if it was just for a night.