Chapter Text
im nayeon, im nayeon, im nayeon .
just like how the ocean waves carve their way through the mountains and cliffs, momo writes her name on every surface of her memories. when she said she won’t forget, she wishes to mean it.
/
“momo-yah!”
momo swivels away from her desk and finds jihyo walking towards her with a grin.
“congratulations!" she says, patting momo on the shoulder a little harder than she intended which stuns the girl for a second. "you"re going to kyoto next week!”
“eh?"
“remember that magazine shoot? that one from the last meeting?”
“of course,” momo answers automatically, not exactly remembering a thing.
jihyo shakes her head, a smile still plastered on her face.
“well, the location has just been decided, and a certain someone happened to recommend that you do it so…"
“huh—”
“i’m so excited for you!”
“i—thank you for this opportunity,” momo stands and bows.
“silly,” jihyo pats her head before she takes her leave. “don"t thank me. you deserve it, momorin”
momo smiles as she sits back and turns to her desk. of course she can"t wait to go, it"s been a while since she"s gone home. whoever made that recommendation—well she"s got more than an inkling, she needs to remember to thank.
she picks up a pen and finds herself thumbing through the pages on the notepad in front of her. she pauses.
im nayeon, im nayeon, im nayeon.
her name scribbled in ink on every page… momo tries not to think about the sudden sinking feeling she has in the pit of her stomach.
---
"these are amazing grandma son,"
nayeon points to the knitted pieces the old lady places neatly on the table as she sits beside her.
grandma son smiles and reaches for the ID card slung around nayeon"s neck.
"who are you again?"
nayeon moves closer to let her read it.
"gi eok social welfare center, im nayeon" grandma son reads.
"yes i"m nayeon, i volunteer here" nayeon beams at her.
"oh yes yes, you just remind me of my granddaughter is all"
"really?"
grandma son nods, "yes, pretty" she comments then glances at the aquarium across them and looks around as if looking for someone.
nayeon watches her fondly.
"speaking of your granddaughter, she’s here to see you..."
"grandma!" a petite young woman calls out as soon as she appears across from them.
grandma son grins as soon as she sees her. the girl then gives the old lady a light squeeze before she sits beside her.
"oh my dear, this is for you" she hands her a knitted hat she has prepared on the table.
"for me?" the girl gasps, "oh you shouldn"t have, did you make this?” she hurriedly wears it on her head. “thank you, grandma, it"s beautiful!"
"you look beautiful, sweetie" the old lady smiles and then beckons for nayeon to come closer,
"pray tell, who is she again?" she asks quietly.
the girl beside her just smiles upon overhearing and holds her grandmother’s hand gently.
"it"s chaeyoung, grandma" the girl gently reminds.
"pretty name! you look like my granddaughter"
chaeyoung just shakes her head and laughs. nayeon sends them a soft smile as she leaves.
--
momo tries to match her footsteps as they stroll, along the greens, beyond the blue flowers in full bloom.
“i just thought i"d fit right in there… it"s easier when they"re all bound to forget anyway,” nayeon says quietly as if it was a secret she has just said out loud.
the pondering look on momo’s face is unmistakable as she listens to herself take a deep breath.
"what if there"s a way… to not forget?" momo asks, not really expecting an answer. nayeon pauses to look back at her, and chuckles lightly as momo starts to contemplate possibilities.
"like… besides sheer willpower… maybe some magic, anything, there must be something to try"
nayeon"s hands are soft against momo’s, completely enveloping the latter"s smaller hand yet their fingers fit perfectly as they intertwine. the warmth of her palms pressing on momo"s skin is enough for now against the cool breeze.
around them, the puddles glisten from the recent rain. “what are you thinking of?”
"i remember watching—i forgot if that was on TV, but there’s this guy, must"ve been a scientist or some sort because he was doing this experiment…"
nayeon hums, waiting for momo to continue.
"where he"d talk to this glass of water, just kind words y"know? and then he froze some of it to find out the water turned into these beautiful crystals under the microscope compared to the regular ones straight from the tap."
"yeah?" nayeon smiles, their feet just taking them anywhere, no destination in mind.
"so, it made me wonder if the water remembered good things he said to change into that, and made me think about what sa-tang said that we"re like bananas made up of 60% water…"
nayeon bursts into laughter.
"am i talking too much?" momo asks and nayeon shakes her head rapidly. "i"m sorry no, please continue…"
"oh no, i was talking too much" momo notes, playfully running away.
"come on, i like hearing you speak, what were you trying to say?" nayeon asks with a giggle, catching up to her.
"i don"t know really…" momo scratches her head and takes a seat on the bench overlooking the tree. "just maybe what if, what if there"s a way we can remember what our mind forgets? where we just know, like how we dance, we just move along as soon as we hear the music?"
nayeon can feel momo"s eyes on her as she plays with her shirt seams.
"you know, there"s this grandma at the home, she"s been there a while so she has forgotten all her recent memories… but sometimes i"d like to believe that in her heart she still knows…"
momo just purses her lips and fixes nayeon"s hair off her face.
"just the way she doesn"t stop talking about her granddaughter that she even sees her in me sometimes. the way she still makes things specifically for her despite not remembering her name… that i can’t help but think maybe sometimes she gets these moments of clarity and she remembers…"
nayeon looks up to meet momo"s eyes if only for a moment, and takes her hand.
"maybe... maybe when you love someone so much," momo intertwines their fingers to hers.
"it endures…"
if momo was looking, she would"ve seen how nayeon wants to believe that. she really does.
----
“somebody looks smiley” sana can"t help but notice as she nudges momo to scoot over to the middle of the sofa. momo just squints at her as she giggles and sits on one side.
“i’m normal” momo deadpans. sana squints back, definitely not buying it.
“hmm... mi-tan do you think something’s different about her?” sana asks mina as she makes her way to fill the space beside momo.
“mi-tan don"t mind her, which one did you wanna watch? this jungle movie with the bald guy?”
mina chuckles and nods.
“she said she’s normal, i believe her”
“when was she ever normal—” sana teases.
“what"s that supposed to mean—”
mina sighs and proceeds to watch them bicker. she can’t help but notice how sana’s right though. momo does seem smiley these days.
she wonders if it has anything to do with the trip. for mina, it"s like hitting two birds with one stone. when she recommended the place, she knew it was enough for the team to know that momo would be the best for the job, and at the same time, momo would be able to go home.
mina would do anything to see momo happier and now it seems like it"s finally working. a familiar warmth crept into her chest.
“mi–taaaan!” sana squeals, squishing herself in to fit beside mina, then sticks her tongue out to momo who"s doing the same on the other side.
mina sighs, she is surrounded by children. the same ones she"s been with all her life.
-
the movie was long over and all three of them are side by side in mina’s bed for the night. sana is fast asleep on her right, wrapped around her arms. on the other side, momo’s just facing her in the dark.
“mi-tan? momo calls softly.
mina hums and turns her head towards momo.
"are you asleep?”
"not yet," even in darkness, mina can map her face out so clearly. “what is it?”
“thank you for getting me that trip, by the way”
mina chuckles lightly, “i don"t know what you"re talking about” she whispers, knowing momo can picture her coy face in the dark.
“right, but i’ll find a way to repay whoever made that happen,” momo whispers back, with a breathy giggle.
“well, i guess you could”
momo turns to face the ceiling and sighs.
“mi-tan?”
“hm?” mina wonders what she’s thinking about this time.
“nothing... that movie earlier was fun,”
mina chuckles and looks back up at the ceiling, by tomorrow all momo will remember is that they watched another movie with another bald guy.
"he couldn"t leave that place right?" momo asks, "like all he could do was go on with his life even when everyone he knew would come and go. and he remembers everything, the good and the bad…”
“yeah” she replies, it comes out softer than she intended. momo shifts her gaze at her.
“if you were him, and you were stuck in there, would you still love someone even if they"ll eventually leave or forget about you?”
mina can’t help but smile. it’s not unusual for her to receive such questions from momo when something is on her mind, maybe because she doesn"t pry.
“that’s hard,”
momo chuckles.
“because you can"t really control how you feel about another person… but i guess if they"re worth it, i would” mina continues.
“how would you know if they are?” momo asks without missing a beat.
mina gets a weird pang in her chest.
“i-i guess if i wouldn"t mind even if i get hurt… that even when the time comes that i disappeared from their memory, if i can remember how happy they were when they were with me…”
momo closes her eyes and scoots closer.
“that sounds sad” momo whispers to mina"s hair as she snuggles in.
mina can only hum. she doesn"t know for sure if the sadness is worth it but for every smile she knows momo can have she wouldn"t even think twice about it.
if only she knew what was going on inside momo"s head. if only she could take her worries away. if only she could understand what any of it means.
she plants a kiss on the top of it, hoping it would give her peace.
soon enough momo’s breaths even out. she"s asleep.
mina can"t help but chuckle when she realizes that her best friends have sandwiched her.
she wouldn"t want to be anywhere else.
-–
the goldfish follows momo"s finger as she trails it along the glass.
nayeon"s just a few tables away, helping out the center"s residents. momo waits.
"it"s easier when they"re all bound to forget anyway"
she wonders how long nayeon has been doing this.
"can you cut this for me please?" an old lady asks momo, she"s just sitting across from her. momo doesn"t hesitate to help.
"thank you, sweetie," the old lady says, then hands her a piece of colored paper and asks her to fold it. momo sits down and does as she"s asked.
"are you a volunteer too?" a tall girl asks as she approaches her. momo shakes her head.
"well, actually i"m just waiting for someone, do you know nayeon?"
"is that your grandma?"
"no,” momo laughs and reads her name tag. tzuyu. she must be new. “she"s a volunteer like you"
"ohh i"m sorry... i"m still in training" tzuyu says, slightly embarrassed.
"join us, dear," the old lady says as she hands tzuyu a piece of origami paper.
"oh sure ma"am, my pleasure"
momo smiles as she tries to fold a boat,
"who are you again?" the old lady asks the girl as she pulls her to sit.
"i"m chou tzuyu, i"m a volunteer" she answers with a smile. she sits beside the old lady who then starts to praise how pretty she is. momo couldn"t agree more.
"isn"t she so pretty?" she asks momo this time.
momo nods with a smile. the girl can only shake her head shyly.
"have you met my granddaughter? i think you"d like my granddaughter, she"ll be here tomorrow"
momo smiles, looking for nayeon across the room. she"s just a few tables away.
"i would like to meet your granddaughter mrs. son"
the whiplash hits momo like a bat.
"she would be happy” grandma son replies, unaware of what transpired.
a moment of clarity.
she knows, she remembers.
momo wonders if it"s possible for others… if it"s also possible for people to remember nayeon.
a few feet behind them, another volunteer accidentally drops a box of craft materials to the floor.
"oh no..." tzuyu stands up to help, "i hope to meet nayeon soon, unnie"
hearing nayeon"s name from someone else made momo"s chest feel like it"s gonna burst.
someone else remembers her name.
someone else can remember her.
momo smiles with pride.
"she"d like that" she lets out before tzuyu is too far gone.
grandma son smiles at what momo is folding.
"who are you again?" grandma son asks momo as she points to where to fold the paper.
"i"m momo, mrs. son"
"have you met my granddaughter?"
momo smiles.
"oh, there she is" grandma son beams but it"s nayeon making her way to them.
nayeon greets her with a smile.
"i"ll be done soon" she whispers over momo"s ear. momo shows off her paper boat before she walks away.
"i think you"d like my granddaughter" grandma son continues.
momo can"t help but let out a chuckle.
"yeah… i actually do like her very much mrs. son,"
more than she could ever know.
-–
“holy—i can"t believe she can actually finish it” jeongyeon stares in disbelief.
“and we thought sana was the best at handling spicy food” dahyun notes.
both of them staring at nayeon finishing a huge bowl of extremely spicy cold noodles.
“ah” she exhales in relief and smiles at both of them, momo looks at everyone in the room.
“it"s been a while since someone’s been up the hall of fame” jeongyeon smugly recalls as dahyun reaches for something out of their drawer.
“hm?” nayeon stares at both of them.
“yeah it"s just for people who successfully completed the challenge.” dahyun hands momo the polaroid camera,
“ready?” momo asks with a smile as the two of them pose with nayeon.
dahyun proudly sticks it in the middle of their corkboard.
--
peals of laughter bounce around the corners of the room as boo and dobby jump all over nayeon on the floor. both dogs are fighting for her attention, trying to lick her face.
“they really like you huh,” momo chuckles as she places their snacks on the coffee table and sits down on the couch. she doesn"t think much of how her dogs don"t usually act like this with new people.
“so what were we gonna watch?” nayeon asks, eyes and hands still not leaving the furry boys.
momo slowly reads the description on the paused screen. ““eternal sunshine of the spotless mind?” familiar.”
nayeon pauses. “maybe you’ve seen it before?”
momo shakes her head, "no, i think sana and i were going to but we ended up watching a different one… have you seen it?"
nayeon just nods, stands up, and makes her way beside momo. boo and dobby shuffles near her feet.
“what is it about?” she asks nayeon, who"s just looking at her and then smiling to herself.
“remembering”
---
“hey are you crying?” momo asks as she stares at nayeon from across the couch.
“no, i’m-i’m just thinking”
momo giggles at her.
“about what?”
"i don"t know, i was gonna ask you something…"
momo hums, sitting up and trailing her fingers to her hair.
nayeon just looks at momo gently and shakes her head.
"but i forgot"
momo lets out a chuckle.
"if you forget something important then it wasn"t important"
nayeon inhales deeply.
“i didn’t mean it like that” momo realizes what she says and knocks on her head, clumsy tongue moving faster than her brain.
“i wish things were that easy”
momo stands up abruptly and scurries to the kitchen.
“where are you going?” nayeon asks.
she shuffles through things and drops a few.
“what are you doing?”
“aha!”
momo comes back with a sharpie in hand. she writes something on her wrist as she sits back down.
"huh?"
momo just makes a silly face and then shows her.
"is that—"
"yes"
momo shows her. 9/22 it’s nayeon’s birthday, etched in black on the side of her wrist drawn with a heart.
“i have to remember so you can make a wish”
nayeon just hums, trying to make sense of what momo is trying to do.
"and if i forget, then you should just cheat on me with whoever you like"
nayeon cackles and taps momo’s shoulder.
“you’re so—”
“i told you i meant it”
“we"re not even together!” nayeon blurts out and laughs again.
“were not?” momo looks more confused than ever.
"is this the part where you tell me you love me?" nayeon asks jokingly as she finds her way to squish momo"s cheeks.
“what if it is?” momo says under her breath, then meets nayeon’s eyes. “what if i do?” momo doesn"t even hesitate not for a second.
“would you let me?”
nayeon takes her hands off momo’s face as if she got burned.
momo doesn"t flinch. her gentle eyes unchanged and unwavering upon nayeon’s.
“i—” nayeon manages to croak out. she bites her lip to stop herself from saying more.
“i know it might be too much, forgive me...” momo continues and chuckles so cluelessly as she reaches for nayeon’s hands.
always so gentle, always so kind, always so earnest that nayeon thinks momo won"t ever realize how cruel her existence can be for her own.
“i just wanted you to know... i’m in love with you”
the words nayeon doesn"t say build a wall inside her mouth. everything nayeon’s keeping in, she can feel under her skin. piercing through her in the middle of her chest and all around.
she shouldn’t. ..
it aches as it burns. in magnitudes.
nayeon lets out ragged breaths as momo fixes her hair in place with a smile.
she can’t…
but the way she craves momo’s warmth when she’s near, her hands that fit with hers perfectly, the way when they"re together is the only time she"s actually happy.
“nayeon, you don’t have to love me back”
nayeon lets out an exasperated chuckle. momo doesn’t know it"s impossible for her not to.
nayeon can feel the edges of the walls she built inside herself puncture through her skin and it rips her open, busting through the seams, and she bleeds out to a pool of her own undoing.
“but i do” nayeon whispers like it"s a secret she’s been keeping. she gasps and puts her hands to her lips as soon as she hears herself say it out loud.
momo just looks at her as if waiting for something—not letting her out of her sight, as if she’s half-expecting nayeon to disappear on her at this instant.
“but i want to” nayeon cries as she turns around, hands on her side, balled into fists.
her body doing the opposite of what she"s saying. she bites her lips as she tries not to cry. she fails.
momo reaches for her hand and walks over so she can face her. she wipes the tears off nayeon’s face and waits for nayeon to look at her.
it doesn"t take a long time.
“then… let me”
nayeon crumbles as soon as she hears the words leave momo’s mouth and takes both of her hands into hers.
as she feels momo’s lips on her forehead, down to her eyes... on her cheek…
nayeon can feel momo’s bated breaths upon her skin and everything she’s built around burns down.
"come to kyoto with me…" momo blurts out. “...i don"t exactly know how but we can figure it out”
and nayeon knows she should say no…
she knows she should…
but instead she pulls momo close and kisses her.
if she burns, then to hell with all of it.
--
“tadaima” momo calls out as soon as she opens the door to her childhood home. nayeon gives momo’s hand a gentle squeeze as they step in.
momo smiles as she hears the excited barking as a welcome. her dogs run around them both.
"hey, would you look at that, they love you already" momo giggles. nayeon just smiles as she pats purin, peko, and lucky.
“okaeri” hana calls out and lets them in.
-
nayeon stares at the glass cabinet by the living room stairwell. off the reflection, she can see mr. hirai show off his new slippers proudly from the kitchen—a gift he unwrapped a while ago.
“my dear, you didn’t have…” mrs. hirai lets out.
nayeon looks back and just shakes her head. momo’s mom pulls her into a hug to thank her.
"those are her favorites…" momo whispers to nayeon as she watches her mom put the tulips in a vase.
"at this rate, you"re going to be an official hirai in no time" momo says playfully.
“don’t worry, you are free to replace momo any time…” hana quips with a laugh as she holds up a gift bag. “thank you for this”
“wh—” momo didn"t even get to say a word before hana disappeared to help their dad in the kitchen.
nayeon just chuckles and holds momo’s hand.
momo couldn"t think about anything else at that moment, not even food, just nayeon. just this.
“for what it"s worth, i don"t think anyone can replace you,” nayeon whispers to her ear.
she kisses nayeon on the cheek.
-
“don’t worry so much about her, you’re acting like you’re not going to see each other tomorrow, it’s gross” hana teases as they wave momo goodbye from the gate.
“are you sure?” momo mouths before she walks away. a car is waiting for her in their driveway.
“i’ll be okay,” nayeon assures. momo can only sigh as she leaves. they wave her goodbye and walk back in.
the shoot starts late and she won’t be back until morning.
“would you like some tea?” hana asks in her best korean as soon as they reach the foyer.
“sure, i’d like that” nayeon responds in japanese with a smile.
the night is clear and beautiful, they can see the bright moon from the sitting room. photo albums splay across the floor and hana opens one for nayeon to look at.
"oh cute!" nayeon exclaims as she looks at little momo eating ice cream from a little cup.
"if she could eat that whole tub beside her, she would"
"she really would"
"ohh, she"s so adorable in this," nayeon points to a picture of momo in a wide room.
"yeah, she was just three i think, that"s when she took her first dance class"
nayeon feels a lump form in her throat,
"that was her first love y"know, i know it sounds ridiculous but it was really like that, it"s like she lived and breathed in dance."
the lump keeps on growing and it"s getting harder for nayeon to swallow. she sips on her cup of hot tea and she continues listening to hana.
"and she was just so good at it, you can"t even imagine… but then she got in an accident... how long has it been..."
nayeon can feel the back of her throat burn.
"two years now? that was a dark time, she dropped everything, cut her hair."
"i"m—i’m sorry about that" nayeon says under her breath, trying not to let the tears that form in her eyes fall. she looks away and faces the night sky.
"i"m just glad that momo"s happy now, she’s happy with you. thank you, nayeon-chan."
nayeon tries her hardest to smile.
--
momo slaps herself softly to keep awake as the birds start singing their songs from afar. the quaint traditional streets of higashiyama district were breathtaking, against the perfect blue and gold light of dawn.
soon enough, they packed up for the day. just as soon as the shrines open beyond the kiyomizu-dera temple. her companions have left to trek towards the gate, a tour they"ve been planning to take even before they"ve arrived.
momo has never been the religious type, but she"s not the kind to just leave without paying respects of any kind. she follows them closely behind, reaching the temple gate after a climb and walks around to leave the team with their tour guide along the main hall.
she takes a contemplative walk to jishu jinja temple alone. it was said that there"s one shrine there that can grant one single wish, be it anything a heart can desire.
if momo was being honest to herself, she"d stop at every shrine if she needs to. she cleanses herself at the temizusho and continues on her journey.
she reaches the okage myojin, and wonders how many wishes have been said before it.
momo closes her eyes and makes her wish at the said shrine. she knows she only has one chance and she"s going to make it count.
she doesn"t know if it"s the lack of sleep or the place she’s in but it"s as if she"s taken in a dream…
momo hears the bell ring from the neighboring shrine, footsteps, and claps before making a wish.
she looks back at the rocks facing each other at another shrine. she can hear her own voice, the sound of her giggles—
a memory?
she remembers closing her eyes and walking, only to collide with another person—she"s not alone. they walked into each other that they had to try again.
that familiar laughter carried by the breeze with the leaves.
(everything"s blue, and she"s treading water... she"s looking for something, someone.)
her phone rings, anchoring her back to reality, as if just waking up.
momo looks around. and she’s alone once again with her shallow breaths and her now throbbing head.
was it a dream?
if only there"s a way for her to understand anything that"s happening right now. she needs to sort this out.
she looks at her phone.
mi-tan?
---
nayeon walks down the stairs. the scent of pancakes fills the air from the kitchen. from where she is standing, she can see the polaroid momo took last night held up by a magnet on the fridge.
she watches petco, purin, and lucky follow hana around as she walks over to the kitchen. a fridge magnet falls which purin takes and runs off with.
“wait! purin!”, hana notices and chases the dog to the living room.
hana sighs as she takes the magnet out of purin"s mouth which the dog takes as a signal to play.
the front door unlocks.
“tadaima”
it"s momo’s voice, nayeon smiles as lucky and petco runs over to welcome her.
“okaeri” hana calls out, walking back.
nayeon was about to walk to the entrance when she hears another voice.
“ohayo”
and even when she can"t see her she knows.
mina.
nayeon doesn"t wait for them to notice. instead, she looks for a way to leave.
----
momo finds her way to the living room with the puppies, while mina looks around curiously.
she stops, in front of a glass cabinet where lines of frames are displayed. she grins as she looks at them, row by row.
childhood pictures of momo and hana, a family picture, ones when they were teenagers, pictures of momo with sana and her growing up,
and a recent one when momo"s hair was still long,
mina pauses,
she hasn"t seen it before.
momo"s with her mom, dad, and hana…
and someone she"s met once before.
she tries to recall,
she knows, the name"s at the tip of her tongue.
what"s her name...
her name...