Chapter Text
Honeypie
dehya: candace
candace: Yes?
dehya: im thinking of getting dunyarzad a present for her birthday
dehya: but im not sure which is the ONE you know?
candace: Alright.
candace: Your gifts are always wonderful, Dehya. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.
dehya: thats the thing though
dehya: if all of them are wonderful, then i have to get one that's the best because its for her... you know??
candace: Ah, I see.
candace: Well, how about we go over our options? What are you thinking of getting her?
Dehya sent 57 images
candace: 57...?
dehya: look i know what it looks like
dehya: before it was 341 but after reconsidering them i removed some so now it comes at 57 and i cant choose which ones are the best because theyre all great options unless i just have terrible taste in jewellery but that can't be right? i mean she loves everything i get her and you do too unless youre both just being nice and i actually do have terrible taste. maybe i should just quit now while im ahead but i dont wanna lose it all. should i just get her a stuffed animal? i think she watches that one anime with that floating lion thing and im pretty sure she
candace: Dehya. Stop texting. You're rambling again.
candace: How do you even type this fast?
dehya: it comes with the package
candace: Huh.
candace: And I wasn't saying that 57 choices are a bad thing. It just shows how much you care about this.
candace: Also, I don't think you have a terrible taste in jewellery :)
dehya: oh
dehya: well thank you, candace
candace: Of course.
candace: Maybe you should ask Nilou as well? Or maybe the Sumeru chat? I'm sure they'd be happy to help you.
dehya: ...so you can't decide either?
candace: Um. As it turns out, I have plans this evening. However, I think the one with the green emerald looks nice! :)
dehya: at least 5 of them have green emeralds!!!!!
dehya: fine ill ask them
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sumeru gamers
Cyno: and thats what you get you fucking manchild absolute dog at the game go get a life you fucking loser fucking nerd L
Alhaitham: Not my fault the game gave me six 4s.
Cyno: youre a fucking menace to society how about you 4 these nuts
Dehya: ahem
Dehya: am i interrupting something?
Cyno: oh no not at all
Tighnari: Cyno, please keep the arguing to a minimum, or at least move to your own private messages. I don't want another DM from Rukkhadevata telling me that Nahida learned new "words" because of you.
Cyno: why is her kid even in this chat?
Tighnari: It's just a way to keep track of everyone. They're from Sumeru too.
Tighnari: If we had to ban every underage person in this chat, Collei would be banned too.
Cyno: fine whatever
Dehya: haha.
Cyno: what? what's so funny? i haven't even said a joke yet
Dehya: it's just embarrassing seeing you get scolded by your boyfriend.
Cyno: sigh
Cyno: anyway, what did you want?
Dehya sent 57 images
Dehya: i need help deciding on what to get dunyarzad for her birthday
Tighnari: 57...?
Dehya: yeah yeah i know its a lot
Collei: What did you get her last year?
Dehya: i made her breakfast in bed. then i took her out to her favourite cafe. after that i took her to see a movie, then when we got home i gave her her present, which was a dress.
Dehya: since i got her clothes last year, im planning on getting her jewellery.
Nilou: Ooh, they're all so pretty!!
Cyno: im not so good with deciding other peoples fashion choices, so ill leave this to the others.
Tighnari: But you got me tons of earrings last year.
Cyno: yeah well that's because i thought they'd look nice on your ears
Cyno: and i know what to get you because we're dating. obviously.
Tighnari: I guess I understand.
Tighnari: When is her birthday, by the way?
Dehya: in a week.
Tighnari: You're planning on buying it now?
Dehya: well maybe not now but maybe tomorrow.
Dehya: im just making sure that it's perfect for her.
Collei: Aww, thats so sweet!
Dehya: heh, well
Dehya: i just wanna please my girlfriend.
Tighnari: I'm sure she's not that hard to please, is she?
Dehya: no but...
Dehya: you get it right? you just wanna buy the best gift for the best person... you know what i mean?
Tighnari: Unfortunately, yes.
Nilou: Hmm. Do any of these really stick out to you?
Dehya: idk. i think a gold necklace would look nice, maybe an emerald or sapphire. blue goes well with her dress. even red would look nice. or yellow. actually anything would probably go well with her. maybe i should get a stone that changes colour? no nevermind i think that would be too much. unless its a rainbow one? argh im really not too sure.
Cyno: how about the purple one. what is that, amethyst?
Cyno: this one
Cyno shared an image
Tighnari: I thought you left.
Cyno: nah this seems interesting actually
Dehya: that does look nice..
Tighnari: How many are you planning to give her?
Dehya: maybe three. theyre all 8000 mora each.
Nilou: 8000?! That's a lot of mora...
Tighnari: It'll come to 24,000 altogether. Are you planning on using that much mora?
Dehya: well yeah. i have enough.
Collei: Well if youre buying her 3 then maybe get colours you think would suit her!
Dehya: hmm.. well probably blue, purple and green.
Collei: Great!! So that leaves us with...
Collei: 29 items with blue purple or green
Tighnari: Oh, the tree one looks nice.
Tighnari shared an image
Nilou: And this one too!!
Nilou shared an image
Alhaitham: What about this one?
Alhaitham shared an image
Cyno: even though youre shit at games, your jewellery choices arent bad
Cyno: bet i could beat you in monopoly
Alhaitham: I'm better at board games than you'd think.
Dehya: his jewellery choices are only good because im the one that sent them
Dehya: i wouldnt choose bottom tier jewellery if its a gift.
Collei shared an image
Collei: This ring looks nice!! It even has little silver hearts around it
Dehya: it is cute... hmm..
Dehya: alright. i think ive chosen.
Dehya shared 3 images
Dehya: tighnaris, colleis and nilous
Dehya: thanks for helping guys
Collei: No problem!!
Nilou: Happy to help.
Cyno: well they do look nice
Tighnari: Hopefully she'll like them.
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weird ahh groupchat
Lumi: heh. hows life at home aether?
Aether<3: its fine. we're playing queenie >:)
Lumi: without me??
Aether<3: yeah obviously
Lumi: so hows xiao
Aether<3: hes fine. he didnt understand the rules so dain had to teach him
Lumi: why didnt you?
Aether<3: dains a bit more knowledgeable about these kinds of things
paimonial wrath: Aether freaked out and rushed to the bathroom
Aether<3: paimon shut up
paimonial wrath: What? Its what you did!
paimonial wrath: Dain had to console you after you were gone for 15 minutes
Lumi: damn you alright aether?
Aether<3: im literally fine shut up
Aether<3: hows your date anyway
Aether<3: where are you even texting??
Lumi: from the bathroom
Aether<3: i see
Lumi: im trying to beat ajax at his own game but its not working
Lumi: even when theyre not dating they always do these couple things!!
Lumi: he told me its not a competition but i see that knowing smirk on his face i know what hes up to
Aether<3: right..
Aether<3: are you having fun tho?
Lumi: wdym am i having fun? ofc i am!
Lumi: i won ayaka this cute stuffed animal from an anime she watches
Aether<3: cool.
Aether<3: oh i gtg help dain make cookies
Lumi: WHAT THE FUCK????
Lumi: SAVE ME SOME OF THOSE YOU BITCH
Aether<3: win me something and maybe ill reconsider
Lumi: finee
Lumi: what kind are they tho
Aether<3: we're making some almond cookies for xiao and the rest will be chocolate chip
Lumi: smh why is it when i go on a date with ayaka you guys do all the fun stuff without me :(
Aether<3: maybe stop being so whipped lol
Lumi: IF ANYONES WHIPPED ITS CHILDE
Lumi: im literally the one who initiated the date with ayaka
Aether<3: wtv see ya have fun
Lumi: smh.....
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Ei: Miko, my son seems a little upset.
Ei: Did you do something to him?
Yae Miko: my dear, why is it that you always accuse me of things like this?
Ei: A couple weeks ago, I saw that you texted him using my phone. After that, he seemed a little... Distant.
Yae Miko: maybe you should break the news to him that you got a hot girlfriend.
Yae Miko: its a shame that ill become his step mother in the future but whats a few tiny little adult children going to do against me hm? especially if ill be married to you.
Ei: Hm... Do you think if you bonded with him he'd tolerate you?
Yae Miko: oh my! do you really think im that unlikeable?
Ei: No, no. It's not that.
Ei: But I'm not sure he'd like that I'm dating you.
Ei: He says you're a bad influence... Or something.
Ei: But I'm sure that if you two formed a relationship, then maybe he wouldn't mind.
Yae Miko: oh fine fine
Yae Miko: for my darling ei i will tolerate the eggplant child.
Ei: Eggplant?
Ei: Oh, that's what you called him during that conversation?
Ei: By the way, did you really have to tell him of what we were doing?
Yae Miko: oh its fine!
Yae Miko: do you think the reason he hates me is because were both women?
Ei: Oh god, no.
Ei: He's difficult sometimes, but he really doesn't care about the sex.
Yae Miko: well thats great.
Yae Miko: fine, ill think about it.
Ei: Thank you, Miko.
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i love my family!
xiao: ugh i regret bringing zhongli to that restaurant
ganyu: I thought he already knew that person before though..
xiao: he did. but i had to sit through that awkward fucking meal between the ginger and him while the two talked about a dog they saw walking by or a cloud that looked like a pig
ganyu: Why were they talking about that??
xiao: fuck if i know
hu tao: those two can turn a meaningless topic into a 20 minute conversation if they tried lmao
xiao: now theyre on another "outing" and i dont want that fucker to be my second father
hu tao: sucks to suck xiao heheh
xiao: stfu hu tao before i bury you permanently
hu tao: the other times didnt work, what makes you think this one will??
xiao: ill find a way
hu tao: besides, the ginger guys pretty cute!
hu tao: why dont you want mr. zhongli with him??
xiao: well there are a lot of reasons
xiao: hes annoying, he flirts too much, he talks too much, his face annoys the fuck out of me, hes too tall to the point i cant land an easy punch on him unless i jump which is embarrassing, his hair is unkempt, i get second hand embarrassment every time his flirting goes the wrong way, and overall hes just an annoyance
ganyu: Xiaos just very overprotective over dad
xiao: no im not
hu tao: xiao i have to agree with ganyu on this one
xiao: you always agree with ganyu
hu tao: thats because shes always right!
hu tao: xiao i think you should see the bright side of things
hu tao: zhonglis finally getting back into dating again. its his choice and i think his happiness trumps any sort of pettiness or resentment you may feel towards his partner!!
xiao: why are you actually thinking logically about this
hu tao: because this is important to me too
hu tao: i already told you mr. zhongli reminds me of my grandfather, and ive known him for as long as you guys so it makes sense that he matters to me too
xiao: but youre his boss too
hu tao: yeah well family matters also trumps any sort of business matter
Father Zhongli: You do realize I can see everything you're saying.
hu tao: oh shit
xiao: if anyone is allowed to say oh shit it should be me
Father Zhongli: Xiao. I understand if you don't like Childe that much.
Father Zhongli: But please understand that I care about him very much.
xiao: i know that but
xiao: seriously is he really the best you can get with
Father Zhongli: Xiao.
xiao: okay sorry
xiao: im suspicious of him though
Father Zhongli: Why?
xiao: his vibes are off
xiao: zhongli?
hu tao: even i can hear him sighing
Father Zhongli: Xiao, I don't disapprove of your choices with Aether.
Father Zhongli: If the reasons you hate Childe is nothing illegal or morally wrong, then I should be able to express my affection for him.
xiao: ugh fine
xiao: ill try not to be so... judgemental
hu tao: heheh
xiao: 🖕
Father Zhongli: Thank you, Xiao.
xiao: mhm
hu tao: btw arent you still at aethers house
hu tao: what are you guys doing?
xiao: ...aethers baking cookies for me
hu tao: aww!
xiao: shut it
Father Zhongli: Why aren't you helping, Xiao?
xiao: aether said it would be a gift since i was a guest and took the time out of my day to hangout with him
hu tao: not that you mind right
xiao: ......
ganyu: You also dont know how to cook right??
xiao: bye
hu tao: who wants to bet hes playing candy crush
Father Zhongli: It seems I must go as well.
hu tao: bye zhongli!! have fun on the rest of your date!!
ganyu: Bye dad
Father Zhongli: Goodbye.