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Jas Mason didn’t want to die. She wanted to play blaseball and skateboard and hang out with her teammates. Ever since Nines and Lev had… disappeared though, she had been trying not to think about it. It was hard though, when every new skirt from Silvaire had a twinge of sympathy, and Quitter looked sadly at her when they thought she wasn’t looking during movie nights. She kept practicing her skateboarding and her batting. She helped Engine tune the PsychoAccoustics, and she terrified Stijn with her knowledge of curse words. (He thought the other players taught her and regularly scolded them about it, but Trip and and Di knew wayyy more than any of her teammates). She tried so hard to just be. But when Di and Vybie went, the floodgates opened.
She spent hours crying in her room, even worse than when Nines and Lev had died because now it wasn’t just a fluke. She was really going to die and so were all her siblings and she couldn’t do anything about it, and she felt like she was drowning. Why couldn’t she just live? Why did this splort just take and take and take? She had barely stopped crying (more because she had no more tears than actually feeling better) when there was a knock at her door. Aly’s voice filtered through the cracks.
“Jas? Can I come in?”, she said, a single vine snaking under the door.
Jas managed to choke out something that could maybe be interpreted as an affirmative, so the door creaked open.
Aly walked in and sat next to her on her bed, and for a moment they just sat in silence.
Then Aly said, “When Wyatt- the original, not any of you guys. When Wyatt broke… I was so sure I was going to die.”
She pauses for a moment, seemingly thinking about what to say next, and Jas waits.
“It was like- It was like I was falling. No, it was like drowning: all at once and then slow- so painfully slow, and almost peaceful. Everything was broken, but it was fine because we were all Wyatt Mason. But at the same time every part of you is screaming that something- everything is wrong, that you are not yourself, that you are not Wyatt Mason. All the while everything falls apart around you. I wasn’t fully lucid very often during that whole thing, but all the times I was- I just cried and cried and cried, because I really didn’t want to die. You’d think after years of watching people die for this godawful splort you would get used to it. Maybe resign yourself to it. But you don’t. It never stops hurting and you never stop wanting to live”
As she finished, Jas looked up at her and blurted out, “Can I tell you about them? My siblings and me, I mean. I want someone to remember us when we’re gone. And not just as Wyatt either.”
Aly nodded, “Of course. I would love that more than anything”
And so she began to recount everything she could about her siblings from their short times alive. From Di’s daring to Thirteeny’s emo-ness and from Wy8’s robotic body to Trip’s faux grumpiness. For hours she recounted everything to Aly, who committed it to memory.
On the plane over to Hellmouth, Jas was a bundle of nerves and excitement. Gerund who had mistakenly volunteered to sit next to her, was exhausted by her fretting, but Jas barely noticed.
“Gerund! What if it doesn’t actually like me? I mean we’ve talked all the time over the Link, but- what if it decides I’m not a cool older sister like it said I was?”
Gerund stared her down, “Jas. Literally no one could dislike you, especially not one of your siblings. Now please let me sleep.”
Jas sighed and decided to take a nap as well.
The Hellmouth was a really weird place, but she was so excited to see Wya77 she barely even noticed. It was waiting for her at the airport and upon seeing her get off the plane it hands started flapping at incredible speeds and it skated over to her, burying her in a hug.
“JAS!!!”
“Wya77!!”, she replied with what breath she could get under its surprisingly strong arms.
It pulled away from the hug to get a look at her and immediately started flapping again.
“OMG! I can’t believe you’re really here!!” it said talking at what felt like the speed of light, “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! I want you to meet all my teammates!! Especially Iggy and ‘Gomi! OH and maybe if we ask nicely Kaj will let us ride xyr boat!”
“Slow down, Wya77!”, Jas laughed, “I’m excited to see you too”
She paused for a moment, and pulled her skateboard out of her luggage.
“Do you wanna skate together?”
“YES!!!” Wya77 squealed.
That night, after hours of laughter and words (only half of which were out loud, confusing both of their teammates), Jas and Wya77 were laying together on the floor of Wya77’s room.
“Hey Jas?” Wya77 said.
Jas looked over at it, “What’s up?”
“I don’t want to die.”
Jas’ face fell, “Yeah… me neither.”
They fell silent again for a moment, until, “Jas?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you call me Lucky?”
Jas smiled sadly, “Yeah”
“Goodnight Jas”
“‘Night Lucky”
Three day later, the sky was tinged pink and a screech of feedback rang out. Jas winced. She had refused to say goodbye to her teammates. She had told them that Di and Vybie had made it through a whole game, and so would she and Lucky. They just had to hold out and hope the game ended quickly.
Coolname was pitching. It hadn’t looked her in the eyes for days. The Sunbeams struck out, once, twice, three times. Then the Lift were up. Yusef struck out, Stijn struck out, and Lance struck out. When Lance wheeled himself back to the dugout, he gave her a small smile. One inning down, nine more to go.
Once again, the Sunbeams struck out, quickly. Then Engine was up, and she hit a quick homerun. Jas grimaced a little, less striking out meant more at-bats for her. Silvaire struck out. Ayanna hit a homerun, and she resisted the urge to scream. She just wanted to get this over with. Then Goodwin and Freemium struck out, and Jas sighed. Two innings down.
Richmond Harrison hit a ground out. Nagomi Nava hit a ground out. Wya77 was up to bat. The energy around it crackled. It looked at her, it reached out to her.
Jas… I’m scared.
And something caught.
Jas could feel herself unraveling, from her toes and fingers toward her very core.
She felt oddly calm.
Someone was screaming.
It might have been her.
She had just wanted to live.
To be her own person.
And then… Quiet. No- not quite- static.
Years later, a radio on top of a building in Tokyo crackles. If you listen closely -which Rylan O’lantern is- you can almost make out words
It’ll be okay… It’s in your name, Lucky.