Chapter Text
Something has upset the Commander, and that something seemed to have come out of Lawson's mouth, from what Liara noticed. That their gazes flickered over to her cemented her suspicion that the Cerberus watchdog may have felt as though she was warning the Commander about T'Soni.
That was fine, she didn't care. They succeeded in getting the data back from Vasir. She had everything she needed right in her hands, determined to get to work and plan how she could rescue Feron now. Her gaze glazed over the denizens that ran away screaming as they continued to evacuate from the hotel, observing where the paths led to the car lot. She needed to procure another sky-car and return to her apartment, to see if she could sneak in through any police checkpoints and retrieve some gear. If any terminals survived then she could put the OSD in and see what data Sekat yielded for her, otherwise she would need to risk going back to her office.
Hesitant footsteps slithered up behind her. "What's the next step, Liara?"
"I have to go back to my apartment and grab my gear." She waved the OSD between her fingers as she leaned on the railing, looking over it to see where the paths led straight down. "Then I have to read what's on here."
"Our armoury is well-stocked, perhaps you can make use of our arsenal?"
"Commander..." Lawson piped up, about to say something else - but she stopped curtly.
T'Soni glanced over her shoulder and caught the end of the engineer's wave. She looked forward with a small smile of victory - as if it was a victory she even deserved right now.
"Not the time to have these thoughts. I'm wasting time here." She whirled around with a firm nod. "That'd be best. May I also have access to a terminal to read this OSD?""
Lawson clearly bristled over the suggestion, but all it took was one look at the engineer and her heels had practically smacked at attention, nodding fiercely. "Done. Let's head back to the Normandy, I'll call the rest of the team on our way there and see how the relief efforts have been going, back at your apartment."
Not well, Liara wagered. The same military-grade explosives used at the Dracon Trade Center was likely used at her complex, but she kept it to herself as she followed the Commander figure out how to navigate out the hotel, her face still sporting blushes any time they passed by rooms that contained loud moans from the movies they played inside. She almost religiously massaged her nape and plucked at imaginary pills of fabric on her bloodstained clothes, of which drew the asari's attention to a gash that poured fresh blood on the side of the thigh. She picked up her pace as she'd tapped just above the cut, her eyes snapping up to Sylvia's in worry over the hiss.
"Does your wound travel higher up your leg?" Liara asked, taking it upon herself to stop the engineer as she knelt to get a closer look.
Unfortunately, it compelled Shepard to escape, rattled by the position, it seemed. Lawson took off jogging, her recommendations for them to stop to treat wounds had all but fallen on deaf ears. T'Soni was almost tempted to laugh at the sheepish reaction. After all that had happened, this was still what worked the engineer up the most.
The Normandy was certainly about to be an interesting intermission.
...She was a little relieved she wouldn't be doing this alone, after all.
Fixed up and sent off from the med-bay, the engineer was thrust into another foxhole as soon as she finished her urgent meeting with Miranda, armed with plenty of ideas and doubts now that Lawson had shared more information about what Liara did as a broker herself - and it just didn't sound like they were even conversing about the same Dr. Liara T'Soni anymore. A wretched thought indeed. EDI and Cerberus were now monitoring her on board to ensure she wasn't the security risk the engineer insisted she wasn't.
Sylvia felt stuffy in the elevator, subtly pulling on the collar of her shirt. It was obvious she was nervous, and it made it all the more painful that she could tell the asari knew, with the way she was smiling to herself any time her gaze flickered over. At least she didn't say anything about it.
"It's worse than my quarters last time," Sylvia inwardly lamented. "I haven't had the chance to clean up my projects. She's never going to trust me ever again, once she sees the chemical canisters. And all the model ships are in pieces - she needs my desk to work on her data and formulate her plan." She was stuck when the elevator rolled to a stop, and the doors slid open. She reluctantly moved when T'Soni seized the initiative to step off and took it upon herself to take the tour, entering the quarters.
Gentle laughter secured the inevitable doom.
"I know, I know," Sylvia sighed as she slithered into her room, her head bowed as she began the arduous process of at least trying to make this room somewhat presentable. She suffocated the protests and bit them off when she'd noticed Liara helping out, although veering clear of the canisters with hazardous symbols. The sides of the bed were blocked off, and the engineer's heart sank over the cruel realization that she hadn't left notes for any of her projects this time.
Oh well... Guess it was better than Liara tripping over something and dying.
"Sorry," Sylvia mumbled, "I should have already cleaned this up."
"It is quite alright, Commander." T'Soni had a subtle lilt to her words. "I do not think any of us expected this day to turn out the way it did. Could you log me into your terminal so I can begin to work on this data?"
"Oh, yeah of course," the engineer jogged up the small steps and came over to her workstation. She used her forearm to push all the model pieces aside and moved her hamster's tank up on one of the display shelves. She tensed when a presence came to linger behind her, and the notion to look over was petrifying. A lump grew in her throat when Liara stepped up beside her, curious fingers reaching towards the hamster.
"What is this little one's name?"
Sylvia cleared her throat for hope of professionalism. "Fuji, after the SSV Fuji Dreadnought. He's my little man. Helps me build my dreadnoughts."
"Oh? I have to see this," Liara laughed softly. "I will watch as I work." She'd observed the engineer from the corner of her eyes, as if controlling the tilt of her head so that Sylvia won't have a pathetic meltdown - even though her composure was already being threatened by their proximity.
Eager to prove Fuji's capabilities, Sylvia all too happily obliged, after she'd logged into the terminal. She grabbed a handful of the model's pieces and set it down on the corner end of the workstation. She went down into her room to grab an extra stool so that she could sit and work beside Liara, and then let Fuji out onto the table. Sylvia beamed with pride when he began to collect the pieces of the model, his little hands feeling edges. He segregated the pieces in categories. Liara glanced over every now and then, and she chuckled as she reached to pluck a piece from one of the categories, starting a war when the hamster rushed over to grab the other end.
"Let go, let go," Sylvia reached over. She caught on to her transgression far too late when she was flicking and slapping away at Liara's fingers rather than Fuji's.
"Excuse me?" Liara chuckled, her brow arched in disbelief. "I am correcting Fuji, that piece does not belong there with the categories he-"
"He knows what he's doing."
Wait. How did Liara know about model kit building?
"Do you know what he is doing?" T'Soni challenged with a sly smile, letting go of the piece. She rested her chin on her palm and her smile grew as they watched the hamster establish no fucking rhyme or reason. Liara subtly bounced her head towards the wreckage. "Something is telling me no here, Syl."
"H-he totally knows what he's doing." Reality was challenged by the disarray. Sylvia watched, heartbroken, as Fuji struggled and scurried about, and she rushed to his defence as she looked up at Liara. "He's nervous because of you."
"I think you're nervous because of me," Liara laughed, turning her attention back to the terminal as she worked away on her data. Her voice became softer. "You do not have to be."
"See? This? When you say shit like this, but tell me to stop looking at you? It confuses the hell out of me," Sylvia inwardly grumbled. "I don't know what to make of you. You're Liara, and then you're not. You feel things and then you don't. The same Dr. Liara T'Soni is in there, but it's like you're trying to kill her off."
Sylvia tried to assist Fuji in acclimatizing to this stormy phenomenon beside them, but the hamster was beyond hopeless as he refused to reassess whatever parameters he was using to categorize the model pieces. Has his brain fried? She felt like hers had. She sighed and reached up on the shelves to take some of the assembled ships down, in hopes that it would help him then once he saw and felt how they were built.
And then he started biting one of the fucking frigates.
Their frigate.
"Fuji, no! Don't eat the Normandy!" Sylvia plucked the hamster into her palm, hissing when his teeth chomped on her fingertip in revenge. He didn't break skin, but he was nibbling damn hard. She shrunk in her seat when Liara's laughter bubbled more freely, and soon the hamster was levitating in the air to spare her fingertip. Fuji was returned to his tank to settle down. "Th-thank you..."
"Mm hm," Liara hummed. Her finger was pressed against her lips, the way she used to, to try to hide or squish her smile off her face.
Quietly, Sylvia cleaned up the destruction, leaving some pieces she recognized belonging to one of the half-assembled starships. She bent to pick up her stool to return it to her room, to bring her leisurely project in there. A part of her prayed to be stopped, but Liara looked absorbed by the data, probably not even aware of her surroundings by that point. The hamster was taken out of the tank next.
Fuji must redeem himself now.
Tender chuckles trailed behind Sylvia, and though heat faintly throbbed at her cheeks, her heart felt lighter upon hearing the familiar sounds. She sat down and made the puzzle a whole lot easier for the hamster as she dribbled the pieces that were for sure meant for the half-assembled starship, and sank in her seat with relief when he began to categorize them all in one pile. After he finished stockpiling, he dragged the pieces over to the ship.
Her theory was proven correct when Liara came down the stairs to join them, and suddenly the hamster defined sheer stupidity. Sylvia pointed at the hamster as the pieces started to be segregated for no reason, her mouth hanging open in silent outcry as the asari smirked, taking her seat.
"It's you," Sylvia managed to squeeze out, "I told you you're making him nervous!"
"I think you are making him nervous," Liara countered coolly.
"How?! He was just fine until you were here," the engineer picked up and cradled Fuji in her palm. "There, you're safe, she can't hurt you. You'll be just - ow! Mother fucker!"
"Fuji is likely sensing your anxiety," T'Soni clasped her hands together as she leaned forward in her seat, resting her elbows on her knees. She came to the rescue with her biotics as she took the hamster in her palm, where Fuji then calmed considerably. Sylvia sat, stumped and stupefied, watching as the hamster explored fingers and curled circles. Liara leaned back in her seat as she let him roam freely on her lap. "I have the location. The Shadow Broker's base is on Hagalaz, in the Hourglass Nebula. If this Normandy is like the old one, then we should arrive there in roughly six hours, from our current position. That is, if the Shadow Broker doesn't try to stop us along the way."
Sylvia tried to keep her gaze up on the asari's face rather than the hamster nestling in between where the thighs met. "Lucky bastard." She shook her head along with her answer, confident in her reassurance. "He won't be able to detect us, not before we spot him anyways. Anything special about Hagalaz?"
"It's a second-tier garden world that receives little attention," Liara explained. "Exploration rights were sold to the highest bidder for mining colonies, but it was abandoned for other planets that had more accessible resources. The biota of the planet makes it difficult to explore." She smirked a little, then. "Clever, setting up a base there. The intense heat on one side of the planet and the extreme cold on the other make for violent storm cells wherever the sun is rising or setting. As a result, the flora and fauna of Hagalaz have developed the capability to live in cycles of ice, flooding, baking heat, and dramatic air pressure changes."
"So the Shadow Broker's using, what, the storm cells to hide his base or something?"
"Precisely."
"And... You want to make it into the heart of those storms, correct?"
"That is correct."
"Then you're aware we could die before we even get to enter his base?"
"Yes."
Sylvia inhaled sharply. Liara was so collected, a ferocious resolution in her steely gaze. She seemed so assertive, so sure that one way or another, she was going to make it inside that base. The engineer's gaze meandered to her model starship, and she raked her bangs back as she gave a kind of half-assed shrug. "Well, the Shadow Broker's somehow making it work. I'm sure we can figure out how to, too, once we're able to assess the situation." She engaged her omni-tool. "Send me the coordinates and I'll forward them to Joker."
Seconds, and she had it. Liara already seemed prepared with it uploaded in a message, only needing to converse here to confirm if she was going to do this alone or not. The coordinates were sent off to Joker, then, and Sylvia disengaged her omni-tool. Fuji was taken up into a palm, the little creature hurriedly curling up in a ball to sleep, safe and sound. A soft smile seemed to make its way up to Liara's eyes. She decided to unzip her suit and the engineer averted her gaze to her hands, tracing creases in her palm. She stole a glance up and her heart cried in outrage as she saw Fuji tucked into the zipper's crevice at the chest.
"Fuji was born stabbing out the back of his mother, no doubt about it. Fucker..."
There was a moment the hamster stared straight at Sylvia, and she glared back, feeling it in the depths of her soul that Fuji was taunting her - even if he snoozed away soon after. A gentle blue finger came up and stroked down the crease of his forehead, eliciting a happy chirp as he nestled deeper.
"I'm about to space this backstabbing asshole."
Silence hung like a thick storm cloud over the engineer's head, and she was back to studying her palms. She stole many glances when she'd seen amber light up in her peripheral vision, frowning a little as Liara delved back to her omni-tool. She had a stern focus to her, a peace lacking in the tension of her gaze. She didn't seem the least bit scared, or worried, or anything really. There was no care for small talk. No room for smiles or laughs. She was all business, and it was throwing the engineer off. At least one positive was that she didn't quite have to fret over social blunders, if they remained professional.
But all those blunders... She missed them, almost. It was what made Liara authentic. Sensational. Heartwarming. She accepted the blunders, and shared some too.
Here, it felt like one blunder was enough to write out a death certificate.
Fuji slept away, not a speck of concern troubling such a creature that was almost always hyperactive. Maybe Liara was right. Maybe it was just Sylvia making him anxious, with her own restless tendencies. She bit back a sigh and pushed herself off the couch, trying to resist the urges taunting her to indulge tics. A sweaty hand made it to her nape regardless. She smiled tersely when those blue eyes flitted up to her, following her movement around the table, but no question was asked.
Not aloud, or at least, Sylvia hoped there was still something somewhere in the privacy of thoughts, to justify her answer. "Just gonna go take a shower."
"How's your leg doing?" Liara idly inquired, her gaze panning back to her omni-tool.
Why she'd thought of that was a bit confounding, with no correlation, but it made the engineer hopelessly happy nonetheless.
"It's feeling better." Sylvia hopped up the stairs, and the pain that zinged down the side of her thigh almost made her eat her lie. The urge to say something bubbled in her chest, and she laughed it out of her system as she hid in the bathroom. "Thanks for asking, Liara!"
"Mm hm."
There was almost a melodic lilt to the hum, and Sylvia swore she heard a chuckle when the bathroom door hissed shut. She tried not to think much of it - to spare herself further embarrassment of her foolish ways - and stripped down quickly, searching the cabinet for something to help seal over her stitches to keep the wound dry. She sighed when all she had were towels and self-care amenities. A gentle rap on the door almost made her heart surge out her chest and she struggled to keep her tone even.
"Yes, Liara? Do you need to use the bathroom?"
"No. I believe I have found something you can use."
Sylvia's brow pinched. "For what?"
"For your leg," the asari laughed softly.
"...What?" Hesitantly, the engineer asked. "A-and what is it?"
"A plastic from one of your projects, and some tape. You can cut it to size."
Okay. Yeah. That was just downright scary, how she knew. Did she hack Sylvia's medical records or somehow have a camera installed in here? She wasn't sure if she wanted to find out. Brokers were absolutely terrifying. She pulled her pants back on quickly before she'd gone to answer the door, looking down at the offered plastic wrap folded neatly in Liara's hand - and her jaw dropped.
"How did you know...?"
"About what, the extent of your injury? I saw it back at Hotel Azure, remember? And I am not unfamiliar with Dr. Chakwas' work."
That earned a raised brow. "You know Dr. Chakwas is back on board?"
A coy smile. "I do know now that you've confirmed it for me."
Oh.
Well, then.
Whatever look Sylvia had been making now, Liara laughed at. "I am sorry for teasing you, Syl. Dr. Chakwas must've heard from someone that I was on board, and reached out to me to see if I needed medical care."
"Oh, shit." Sylvia's gaze dropped down to the suit, less white and perfect than before. "Do you?"
"No. I declined, I am fine." Liara took it upon herself to stuff the plastic and tape in one of the engineer's hands, before she turned off to head back down in the room. She raised her voice to be heard. "That isn't the only thing you forgot to do, by the way."
"What?" Sylvia was fixated on the wrap in her hand. Her head soon lulled back in a groan when she looked past her hands, noticing that she hadn't done up her zipper. She wondered if that was what the asari meant.
Until she had passed by the mirror, and saw that she had forgot to put her shirt back on.
There was a blender and mini-fridge Liara had helped herself to, taking out two glasses as she'd picked out the ingredients to create a shake that was once made for her, so long ago. It was nutritious and fulfilling. They needed to keep their strength up. That's what the little voice in her mind kept having to insist, as if there was some kind of argument going on inside without her knowledge.
Fuji made sounds of protest at times, and she soon deduced it was her movements, forcing the zipper up uncomfortably against the hamster's neck. She undid the clasps of her suit jacket and unzipped the vest to tuck him into her shirt, finding a peculiar comfort to the knowledge that such an anxious creature actually felt safe with her.
Well, unless it had some pretty damning blackmail, it was.
How amusing it was to be able to find out so much about the Commander just from the assistance of this little hamster. It called out to an old faded sense of mischief, almost, one that was immediately shoved away as soon as she realized it. She focused on the recipe as she blended their shakes, setting aside one of the glasses up at the workstation with all the model ships. She stood in front of the bathroom door as she listened to the shower running inside, as she had done back in her home to help her thaw from her disbelief that Sylvia... That Commander Shepard was alive.
A heavy hand drew up to rest on the door. Her heart was weary. This melancholy would not release her, these curiosities would not cease to torment her. She'd stolen every facet of the opportunity that presented itself to her as she studied the dying glow of scars, yet to heal, stitching the engineer's torso and holding it together like a shattered vase glued back together.
What did the Commander think of those scars?
What did she truly think of Liara, now knowing who'd given her body to Cerberus?
Questions that T'Soni could not ask.
Her breath hitched in her throat when the door opened, coming face-to-face with an endearingly bewildered face - and yelp for almost walking right into her. Sylvia looked as though she was going to admonish or something, for a moment, twisting a towel over her hair as quickly as possible instead. She grabbed Liara's shoulders, before her hands slid down to cup the forearm. She dragged over to the workstation, shoving the asari somewhat roughly down on the chair as she'd taken the stool.
"Talk to me. What's got you like this?"
"What?" Liara's brow pinched in confusion, shaking her head. "Nothing. I feel fine."
Sylvia's mouth opened, and she looked flabbergasted. She closed her mouth and stared for a time, her features suddenly softening, and then she gave a strained smile. "Alright. But you'll tell me if you're not, right? You are my guest here now, after all." Her gaze flicked over to the shake. She said nothing about it and bounced up into standing, gesturing towards the bathroom. "You're welcome to my shower if you'd like. I'm sure you'll feel better after one."
"I am feeling fine, Syl," Liara debated, somewhat perturbed by the insistence otherwise, but she nodded to the offer. "Though I could go for a shower right now..."
"Perfect. Help yourself." Sylvia dragged her by her forearm again, before circling quickly to shove by the back. "There's no time limit on the hot water."
This was every bit obvious that the engineer was trying to make it not be.
"Leave your clothes outside the door," Sylvia stated on her way out, and there was a peculiar lack of anxiety from such implications that usually unsettled her. "I'll wash them for you while you're in the shower and then I'll leave them back by the door." She cleared her throat before she ordered authoritatively, almost as if she was a commander or something of that nature. "Fuji, let's go boy! Let her have some time to herself."
Interestingly enough, the hamster hopped right out and rushed off, slipping and sliding about on the tiled floors. Sylvia knelt as she outstretched her palm on the floor and he climbed up, finding a new nest in the knotted crevices of her hair-towel. The engineer beamed a smile, but there was sorrow drenching her eyes. She gave a cheeky wave and left the bathroom without another word.
Dread and curiosity demanded answers. Liara steeled herself as she walked over to the mirror.
She sighed and washed her face of the dried tear streaks. She was numb to the pain and grief that had already destroyed everything inside.
The room was dark, illuminated only by the blue glow of the fish tanks. There was a small light flickering down the stairs. Liara tilted her head to see past the shelves of the model ships, her brow arched to see a lone candle on the table below. A look to the hamster tank - Fuji was spinning on the wheel.
"...Commander?" Liara called out hesitantly. "Are you in here?"
"Yeah," Sylvia murmured, and she sounded as though she was somewhere with the table below.
T'Soni descended the steps, puzzled to see the engineer sleeping away on the couch with only a pillow. She glanced over at the bed, where it was made, all projects mysteriously vanished somewhere. She didn't dare go checking and opening any of the closets. Her gaze meandered back to Sylvia, who yawned.
"Joker updated the ETA. He's picked up some ships trying to track us so it's going to take a little bit longer than six hours, but he doesn't know by how much yet. He figured you might want us to assault the base without the Shadow Broker knowing that we know where he is now, and have all his forces come back in for reinforcements."
"Ah... I see. That would be wise, yes." Liara wandered over and sat on the other couch, patting it when the engineer lifted her head to peer at her. "I will be okay sleeping on the couch. You should have your-"
"I don't want to argue," Sylvia interjected brusquely, turning back to face the couch. "Just take my bed, please."
Lips quirked in a small melancholic smile. The asari knew why the chivalry, the unnecessary heroics. She switched seats and decided to sit behind the curl of Sylvia's knees, tentatively resting a hand on the hip as she protested once more. "You are only going to get hurt if you continue this. You know this."
"So what?"
T'Soni glanced over, her forehead creasing. She was met with the back of a towel falling apart, and coal hair spilling out between layers. The light of the candle created a rigid outline of tense shoulders, hunched in as Sylvia glared at the couch. Why was she incensed? Over what?
More importantly...
"What do you mean 'so what'?" Liara challenged, a little irritated by the notion. "Why will you not drop this?"
"Why haven't you?" Sylvia retorted, twisting her torso as she looked back. The candlelight wasn't the only flame burning. "So what if I get hurt? You've been continuing to get hurt all this time." Her stubbornness had come alight, having come to whatever foolish interpretation that she had. She sat up, then, crossing her legs as she spun on her rump, the towel slipping off and over the arm rest. "I don't care if I get hurt. Use me if you need me, Liara. I would have laid my life down for you back then, and it still hasn't changed now. If I can help you, I will. Whatever it takes. I don't quite care how you feel about me anymore - I care about how I feel for you."
"What is that logic?" T'Soni blurted in disbelief, tempered by vestiges of anger as heat collected on her tongue. "Do you not see how that would open you up for just about anyone to manipulate you?"
"Not anyone. You. And I know you wouldn't," Sylvia jabbed a confident finger against the asari's chest, over where her heart beat. "Because you're still Dr. Liara T'Soni."
"You know the me from two years ago," the asari hissed through clenched teeth. "Haven't you learned from Illium? People are not so-"
"You aren't people."
"You don't know the me I am today."
"I do." Sylvia smirked a little, then. "You wouldn't be arguing with me right now otherwise." Another jab at the chest. "I know you still care. And I know you're trying to kill it off, to make it hurt at least a little bit less." She uncrossed her legs and slid forward in her seat, her hands shooting up to firmly frame the asari's jaw. "I'm not going to let you fade, Liara. You didn't let me, at the end of the battle on the Citadel. You sacrificed me to my mother, then you dragged me straight back to the Prothean slab to remind me to keep walking, keep thinking, keep fighting. And your patience... And... And just... You proved to me it wasn't so scary to be close to someone."
Their foreheads rested together then, and Liara almost flinched with how quickly the engineer moved in to do so. The gunmetal orbs fluttered shut.
"You proved to me it wasn't scary to be close to you."
"That was then. Maybe I was not, then, but-"
"I'm still not scared to be close to you now."
"Syl, you had a meltdown earlier and your hamster was anxious for you."
There was a notable blush striking across the nose, then, and T'Soni almost laughed for it. Something brought out a sympathy smile out of her instead - or perhaps empathy? It was getting blurry. These lines were getting blurry. Her heart effectively split into two over such a deceptively simple question.
"Welcome to Kissville, population: us?" Sylvia whispered. "One more chance, that's all I ask. Please... What hurts me the most is watching you drown like this and being forced to watch from the sidelines. I'd rather whatever pain you think you'll bring me by loving you."
Two deceptively simple words, and Liara could feel a burn nest behind her eyes. A knee-jerk reaction forced her to break the hold as she abruptly leaned back, hardening herself, catching herself gaping like a fool when the gray-blue orbs resurfaced to observe her. The flickering candlelight played with the shadows over Sylvia's face, but there was no trace of anxiety, then. There was a burning resolution in her gaze, full of determination to make good on her hotheaded words.
Anxiety manifested once more, but not in the engineer. There was an unsettling torsion pulling at her stomach when Sylvia had scooted back a few inches, pulling off her shirt. Numb, or not, T'Soni was certain her expression had given her away when her gaze dipped down to the dull-amber scars. She sighed when she was pulled in a fierce embrace then, her hands tentatively moving up from their squashed position, wrists angled awkwardly as she tried to spread her fingers to feel the scarred skin. She smiled a little when the engineer's chest kicked in a sharp inhale, before Sylvia kissed right below the aural.
"It's not your fault," she murmured brashly. "You haven't brought me pain, ever. Not yesterday, not today, and not tomorrow either. You've saved me the way we're going to save Feron."
Arguments exploded in Liara's mind. She was certain this fool was just being foolish - she was so, so very certain of it. But there was doubt, now. Her hands slipped up ribs, then around them, an old desperation clawing away at her as pervasive loneliness itched at her lips. She missed this warmth, this feel of another body, this embrace surrounding her and holding onto her as if she was about to be dragged away by a sinister darkness.
That thing had held onto her mind all this time, and now Sylvia was trying to drag her carcass back.
"Let me comfort you," Sylvia mumbled, "Whatever you need."
"Don't make promises you can't - should not - keep," Liara sighed. "You wouldn't be ready for what I've been wanting, even since... Before... Before you..." She struggled, then.
Lips pressed to her cheek, trailing down and over until they'd waited by the corner of hers. She gritted her teeth, held on tighter. Her breaths grew ragged as if she was doing strenuous exercise, fighting to keep her head still - or at least turn farther away. As soon as the lips brushed against hers, she'd turned into the kiss and pushed, and pushed, and pushed, until Sylvia toppled back on the couch and Liara crawled over top. Her restraints felt so laughably feeble, to have caved in this easily. Her throat burned just as much as her eyes as she'd sucked in as much oxygen as she could, in between kisses.
There was a second of resistance as she rested her hands on a scarred stomach, to push herself away. She adjusted how she sat, sliding up the engineer's thighs, and she saw that flash of pain - the same as when she'd heard it etched in the voice, back when Sylvia was foolishly pretending she wasn't disturbed by her wound in the slightest.
Selfishly, Liara ignored it - just as she'd ignored her own - and leaned down to capture the thin lips, a flame blooming in her chest upon goading a hiss for biting and pulling the bottom lip between her teeth. The engineer was flushed. Her eyes were screaming her insecurities, and doubts. They should be stopping this.
By the Goddess, though, she was here and she was alive.
That wretchedness was taunting T'Soni in her mind for every single minute she indulged this, absorbed these affections for her sake, at the expense of Shepard's - until Liara couldn't anymore. It felt dirty to use Sylvia like this. She was so earnest in her feelings, so goddess-damned pure about it all. She deserved better than this.
She was only going to be hurt, with how twisted Liara had become, grief warping her into an entirely unrecognizable person even to herself.
"I can't go through that again. I won't survive a second time. Cerberus has her preparing for a suicide mission."
Timid hands danced up along the sides of her hips, fingers drumming before cupping her waist. Goddess, but Sylvia was beautiful, flushed complexion and candlelight accentuating the sharpness of her gunmetal eyes. Her chest heaved erratically as she gulped for air, her coal hair splayed wildly over the couch pillow. She beamed a quirky grin. "Are you stopping 'cause I've lost touch, now? Can't blame me. I lost my sweatpants. I need them for this exercise."
"I do not want to make the same mistake," Liara breathed, her mind carrying too far off to appreciate the aged sentimentality. "Back then, I thought we would have all the time in the universe, even as we were racing to catch up to Saren. I..." She frowned, then, recognizing her poor choice of words. She glanced down and studied the scarred flesh between her stretched fingers, amending them. "That isn't right... It was not a mistake. You were not ready. I felt I was ready enough, but that was because of the pressure of time. That is truer now, more than ever." She looked up, expecting to see panic and the inevitable meltdown to confirm the anxiety surrounding intimacy, but there was a thoughtfulness as Sylvia listened.
"She is forcing herself to be ready enough. Even if she were, genuinely... I cannot."
T'Soni reached up, gently caressing one of the cheeks that had looked much better than last they'd met on Illium. "I have learned the cruel way that time is not something we can hope to have. Do you understand where... I am going with this?"
Not a second was wasted. Sylvia nodded firmly. "I do."
"Then you should know why I cannot indulge this."
"I... Wait, what?" Sylvia's brow pinched in confusion. "You don't...? I thought..."
Liara smiled grimly. "You thought I wanted to express old feelings. What would hurt me most now, Commander, is being left alone." Her thumb ghosted over the engineer's lips, before she forced herself to tear away as she slipped off, slithering over to the safety of an empty bed.
"And being forced to sit on the sidelines to watch another flag be folded over your coffin, condemned to love a memory."