Chapter Text
Team Xen Battleship
Day 1 - What we lost
With Augustus at the helm, the ship set sail. It was finally time for everyone to go home.
…well, everyone that made it, at least.
Some people did, and some people didn’t. It was hard to forget about those who couldn’t make it to the ship. Their presence was felt, as was their absence. If only they could have seen the end of the gruelling hardship they all faced.
There was actually quite a lot of unexpected cargo on the ship. Seems someone hadn’t unloaded everything when the ship was last docked. Unfortunately, though, there seemed to be little in the way of usable resources to keep everyone going, but there was enough. They would be able to make it work.
Melia and Aelita were sitting on the deck outside, gazing out at the sea. Melia couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Aelita was still trying to recover from her own frightful experiences. They both gazed out at the endless blue ocean.
Val was busy trying to keep people calm, enlisting Adam as her backup if anyone got particularly rowdy. Adam was just trying to move on from the whole thing, and also looking for somewhere he could train, or just do something other than sitting around. Braxien was doing her best to be positive and try to keep the mood light, but the stress of everything that had happened was weighing heavily on her, too.
Saki was probably the most jovial of the group, constantly trying to lighten the atmosphere with jokes and gags that were befitting of her rather ‘eccentric’ personality. They had… mixed results. She had definitely cheered some people up! But on more than one occasion Val had lamented that none of the cabins could be locked. Saki just retorted with the fact that she had at least eighty-three methods of lockpicking open to her at any one time, and Adam reminded Val that at least forty of those would probably just sink the entire ship.
Nobody wanted to talk about it, really, but Gabriel hadn’t come out of his cabin since the ship left, except for getting food. Even when he did, he just took the food and left, without saying a word. His expression was vacant, and his movements were almost robotic. He had also lost his signature smile. But, well, it had only been a day. He just needed more time. Time to be alone with his thoughts.
They had a mutual, silent agreement to just let Gabriel be alone with his thoughts for now. It was probably the best way for him to process things.
…right?
Day 2 - What remains
Apparently, there were so many people on the ship that resources were gonna be tight. Thankfully, though, Val seemed to be pretty good at organising them and quelling any unrest that did arise. Honestly, though, it seemed that most people were just happy enough to be out. Everyone was celebrating, talking about when they’d be home, and all the people that they missed.
Some people were bonding with their Pokemon after a long time of being hesitant to bring them out, due to the threat of mind control. Some people were trying to make amends after the tension at Blacksteeple had caused considerable unrest. Some people were just finally taking the time to have a proper sleep, and some people were just counting the days until they could see their families again.
Gabriel realised he didn’t really have anything to go back to, not anymore.
Was his only purpose in life now to defeat Team Xen? Somehow, the idea of revenge brought him little to no joy. Beating Team Xen wasn’t going to bring her back. Nothing would. She was gone. He just wanted everything to stop. He wanted to go back. If he could trade his life for hers…
Day 3 - The guarded heart
Melia, Val and Saki and Aelita had all tried to console or cheer up Gabriel at this point. Every time, they were met with long silence or just a weak smile, and a gentle nod. It was clear Gabriel was trying to acknowledge their efforts, but something was preventing him from being able to fully engage with them. Maybe he just wasn’t ready, or maybe he wasn’t able to face them quite yet.
It was hard for everyone, but they all knew in their hearts they’d get through it together. It’d… maybe just take more time.
But it was fruitless.
...
Perhaps the only thing Gabriel could shield everyone from now was his own burdens.
[This is when Salty Cupcake takes place. If you want to read it chronologically.]
Day 4 - Formidable obstacle
How long had it been? A few days? longer? Gabriel didn’t know himself. Maybe it had been longer. Maybe it hadn’t been long at all. For Gabriel, time stood still. He didn’t really want to know. He didn’t want to count the days.
His mom was gone. Never again would he hear her kind words, or see her sweet smile. No longer would he be able to feel safe in her arms. Then again, perhaps it was long since past the time that he relied on that. He was an adult now, and he couldn’t rely on being babied anymore. Still. No one deserves to go out like that, and nobody ever wants to lose a parent. It hurt, knowing that she wasn’t going to be there anymore, that her life was cut short.
If Gabriel had just been stronger, he could have stopped this. He could have stopped her death! He could have fended Madame X long enough to… If anyone had to be lost, why did it have to be her?! Why couldn’t it have been him, instead?! Why did he go? He should have stayed right there and fought with her! Now, she was gone, and… it was all his fault.
Gabriel could see it. The fear on her face, the terror in her eyes. Losing someone is one thing, but the last moments of his mother’s life were beyond cruel. The last thing Gabriel ever saw before the light left her eyes was an expression of unbridled despair. It would haunt him for the rest of his life. Perhaps that was a fitting punishment for his weakness. Perhaps the weight he carried in his heart would force him to prevent something like this from ever happening again.
Or perhaps he was doomed to keep failing. Keep letting people down. Keep being a burden. He was supposed to be older - a shoulder to cry on and a person to lean on. Now he was here, sitting sulking in a cabin while everyone else had to worry about him. Not that he could blame them, but he couldn’t help but feel kind of pathetic. He should know how to process these feelings more maturely by now.
But no one ever taught him. No one ever taught him how to feel. It was too late now, anyway. He had to be an adult about this, he couldn’t just rely on some kids to make him feel better, dammit, he had to be there for them! That’s what a good older brother does, right?
The only thing he knew was that if he kept smiling, then… everything would be okay. When he smiled, people around him did too! That… that kept him going. He had to smile if only to spread joy to others. He had to. Ever since that day, no one has smiled. Except for Saki but even her smiles lacked a certain mischievous charm they normally had. Gabriel could see it, one day, when she tried to cheer him up. He couldn’t even smile back at her.
…but as much as he wanted to smile again, he just couldn’t. Was he too weak to even smile anymore? Was he now so useless, and broken, that he couldn’t even do the bare minimum to uplift the people around him? Why was it so damn hard to smile? It was so easy before - even when everything felt like it was crashing down on him, he could always make sure that others never saw. The weight that he carried didn’t have to be felt by those around him.
He couldn’t let this despair fester anymore. Even if he had to force it, he’d smile again. His mistakes were his own, and his to suffer through. They weren’t anyone else’s. There was one person responsible for failing to protect Nancy. If that burden had to weigh on him for the rest of his life, fine. But he wasn’t going to let others feel the burden of his own mistakes. Not anymore.
He was going to be someone’s reason to smile.
“Yo, Gabriel, can we talk?”
That voice… Adam…?
Adam walked into the room, heading over to Gabriel’s bed, sitting down on the other side as Gabriel turned to look at him.
“Oh, yo, what’s up, Adam?” Gabriel asked, a dull enthusiasm in his voice.
“Hey, don’t force it - you look like a mess,” Adam responded, raising an eyebrow.
Was… was it that obvious? Hah - he could see right through it, then? God, was it that bad…?
“...Gabriel, it’s been a while. You don’t talk to us.”
Gabriel didn’t say anything, looking down at the floor.
“...I’m really sorry about what happened… to your Mom. Losing a parent… it’s hard.” Adam continued, gently placing a hand on Gabriel’s back. “...I don’t let no-one intimidate me. If I was there, maybe things would have been different.”
Why was he apologising? Why was Adam blaming himself? Or… was he saying something else here? He couldn’t quite pick out what Adam was trying to say. In any case, Gabriel didn’t really get it. Adam wasn’t to blame for any of this. Adam was… strong. It wasn’t his fault. It… was Gabriel’s own negligence that caused this. It’s not like Adam was doing nothing, he was busy rescuing people. He was using his strength to help the people around him - and actually making a difference. It’s not like he could have prevented this, even if he was strong - he couldn’t be in two places at once. Gabriel’s task was to get the key and Aelita and his Mom to safety. He failed.
“Maybe you’re right, Adam…” Gabriel said, gently lifting his head. “Maybe you coulda.”
To be honest, he was probably right. Adam could have done it. He was everything Gabriel wasn’t. He had friends, who relied on him – hell, who actually could rely on him. He had strength, and clearly some smarts too, and also some social awareness, even if he was closed off and quiet most of the time. Gabriel really admired Adam for that. He had almost felt… flattered that Adam had even bothered to come and talk to him. It made him feel happy.
Maybe that’s because Adam was a little older. Maybe Gabriel felt more at ease seeing Adam here. It felt like someone could maybe… understand him a little. But, with everything going on, now wasn’t the time to bother Adam with his own burdens and problems. He had done enough just by being here.
“...Thanks, bro…” Gabriel said, smiling again for the first time in a while.
“...Hah. No problem, man.” Adam replied, gently pushing him forward.
Gabriel stood up, before quickly being dragged back down by Adam by the back of his shirt.
“I ain’t done, yet.” Adam suddenly seemed to have a much more serious look on his face. Not like his usual somewhat stern look, either. It felt more… targeted, and also more purposeful. He had something on his mind, clearly. “What did I tell you before?” Adam asked, turning now to fully face Gabriel, who couldn’t quite match his gaze.
“H-huh? Before? In the mines?” Gabriel responded, slightly flustered that Adam had done something so bold.
“...Yeah. In the mines.” Adam replied - definitely unimpressed.
Gabriel took his mind back to the conversation they had together. Ah. Right. Something about rocks, maybe?
“U-uh, be precise, not aggressive?”
Adam gave Gabriel a look of genuine disappointment.
“Very clever. Stop deflecting. ”
“...”
Deflecting, huh? Gabriel knew it. Adam was way smarter than people seemed to give him credit for. He saw right through Gabriel, again. It felt… intimidating, but almost nice. It felt nice to have someone… challenge him like this. But, even if it did - it wasn’t enough. Gabriel couldn’t do it. Adam… barely knew him. As much as he wanted to know him more, and as much as he wanted to open up to him, he couldn’t push his own burdens onto Adam. Adam probably had a lot on his plate, and adding more to it would be really wrong of him.
Besides, all Adam had ever done was help Gabriel. It’s not like Gabriel’s done anything for him. What kind of friendship is all give and no take? He knew the answer. A toxic one. He couldn’t let Adam share his burdens, not now. Maybe once Gabriel had finally done something for him, he’d feel comfortable sharing pieces of his hurt with Adam.
As it stood, though, Gabriel felt like he’d just be a weight on him. He didn’t wanna overload this guy with his own problems. Adam was just being nice. He didn’t want to take advantage of his kindness. He’d just drag Adam down to his own level of misery.
Still, what could he even provide for a guy like Adam? He already had good friends, and he seemed comfortable enough with himself. He could ask Adam if he wanted to talk, but he also felt a little awkward asking him if there was anything he needed to talk about. He doubts Adam exactly saw him as “emotionally reliable” anyway. He had mostly only ever seen Gabriel at his weakest so far, in any case.
Gabriel just couldn’t help looking at the situation as if it was doomed from the start. Still. Adam asked him a question, and he was owed an answer.
“...don’t overwork yourself,” Gabriel muttered. “But I’ve mourned enough . I need to start trying to…”
Mourned enough? Adam was a little taken aback at that. Mourned enough? It seemed to him like Gabriel hadn’t even mourned a little. He hadn’t resolved any of his regrets or faced any of his feelings. Had he just been torturing himself for the past few days? Is that why he wouldn’t respond to anyone else’s attempts to cheer him up? Or, was he just not able to really process what had happened yet? If Gabriel needed more time, he was more than entitled to it. Adam just wanted to make sure Gabriel wasn’t suffering in silence. It seems he was right to come and check on him.
“...Gabriel, look at me.” Adam insisted.
And so, Gabriel did, and Adam could immediately see the dull grey behind the fake shine in his eyes. He could see the stains from all the tears Gabriel had forced inside. And he could see all the emotions Gabriel was keeping in as if he wasn’t allowing himself the opportunity to feel them.
“...Gabriel…”
Adam didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel comfortable asking Gabriel to open up. He and Gabriel weren’t super close, after all. If he hadn’t opened up to Aelita and Melia, what hope did he have? He didn’t know exactly how much the girls knew of his burdens, but he didn’t wanna exactly go and share them with them either.
But he could see how much Gabriel was still hurting, and he could see how desperate he was to hide it. He wanted to just let him cry on his shoulder and let out all the tears he’s been holding back, and scream as loud as he wanted.
They both felt a wall between them, and it was only growing thicker.
Still. Adam felt he had to do something. If Gabriel wasn’t going to open up, maybe there was something else he could do. Maybe something only he could do? Or maybe something he could give Gabriel that he might have needed? It seemed a lot of Gabriel’s friends were younger than him by quite a decent berth. 5 years or so. Sure, Adam was maybe 4 or so years older than him, but the maturity gap was a bit shorter. Maybe Gabriel just needed a friend closer to his age. Maybe then he’d feel better about opening up.
“...Hey, you wanna know what I do when I feel like shit? I beat up a sandbag.”
Gabriel blinked a little - before letting out a little bit of his tension with a laugh - “Yeah, bro… haven’t worked out in a good bit.”
“Eh. Mining counts.”
“True! Haha, can’t remember the last time I got a heart scale from a bench press, though!”
The two shared a laugh together, finally dispelling the awkward silence between them. They felt a sense of relief spread through them as they finally started to smile again.
“Well. I haven’t seen a guy like you in a while. Been a while since I had a workout partner.” Adam continued, looking up at Gabriel.
“Oh! Ya know, that’s true for me too!” Gabriel smiled- “Been a while since I’ve had a bro to work out with!”
While this was technically true, if he wasn’t counting Aelita, who he was more aiding than working out with - then the last time he had a workout partner was… never. He’d never had one.
“...Then, maybe when we get to land, we could work out together sometime? Val and Saki cringe whenever I talk muscles with ‘em.” Adam muttered, glancing to the side.
“Sure, bro! Muscles never bore me!” Gabriel said, laughing. “We can talk muscles all day if you want!”
With that completely heterosexual sentence out of the way, the two shared a classic bro-hug, clumsily foiled by Gabriel’s inability to distinguish if he was leaning to the left or right.
“...Alright, bro. It’s settled. We’ll find time to hit the gym together.” Adam said, smirking a little - “I gotta warn you though, I don’t pull punches. I’m not gonna take any slackers.” Adam warned, punching Gabriel slightly in the chest.
“Hah. If you think you can beat me in a battle of strength, I welcome you to try.” Gabriel taunted, playfully.
“Tch - watch your mouth before I deck you in it,” Adam responded, laughing. “I don’t take kindly to people questioning my strength, punk.”
For the first time in a long time, Gabriel had felt a kind of warmth, and companionship. He felt… safe. He felt, well, genuine happiness. Not a smile he needed to force, but one born from something in his heart. It felt new, it felt exciting - it felt special. It felt as if he didn’t need to be someone he wasn’t, or put on a face or facade.
Gabriel loved and admired all of his friends. They were irreplaceable to him. But… with Adam, maybe he could finally afford to just relax a little? Maybe he could afford to finally after god knows how long, let his guard down?
He didn’t know, fully. He didn’t know why he felt the way he did. He did, however, know how happy he felt when Adam was around, and how… strangely nice it felt to have someone who could see right through him. It felt nice to have someone that he didn’t have to pretend around, as much - at least. Someone he could just be… a bro for, rather than a “big bro”. Maybe the burden of being a role model, or a leader, or a protector was one he placed on himself, but it was still nice to have a break from it every so often - and he certainly wasn’t going to do it in front of the people he had already sworn to protect. He had already shown enough weakness to them…
He almost felt upset by it, he didn’t really want to acknowledge it, but it was true. He had caught feelings. Now, of all times. For someone that he had just met. Great. Fantastic. Wonderful. Well, maybe if they all needed a laugh, he could tell Adam. That’d be a real joke. Maybe the humiliation and absurdity of the whole thing could give everyone a reason to smile. Hell, maybe the whole thing was just the joke they needed!
…Gabriel quickly calmed himself down. He wasn’t thinking straight. Well, yes, he clearly wasn’t thinking “straight” either - but that’s beside the point.
Perhaps it wasn’t all bad, though. Perhaps this was actually okay. He wanted to know more about Adam, for sure, and maybe then he’d get that chance soon enough. Maybe it’d be a nice sense of relief for him. Even if his feelings felt absurd and unreasonable now, maybe he could at least become closer to Adam, in time.
But the world is cruel and unfair. And chances are forever fleeting.