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During difficult times, nights were the hardest. When darkness fell, the world seemed to shift, to change. And then the memories came.
Even the light of candles, oil lamps, or lightbulbs had never been able to ease the terror. Aziraphale simply couldn’t shake the memories, couldn’t escape them. There were so many.
And not only of the times he’d been hurt. Hurt by humans, or disciplined by Heaven. Beaten by the Archangels, locked away in a cell alone for weeks, left shackled in one spot for a month. The horrible things he’d seen on Earth, fire and flood and human brutality.
Those things haunted him, yes. But more than that…
It was different now, after their brush with the Apocalypse. A million times worse.
Now, Aziraphale saw Crowley crashing to the ground at the airbase, his body dragged down to the tarmac by the force of Satan’s rage. The puddle of melted demon in the office, a puddle that could have just as easily been Crowley had something gone wrong.
And then that bathtub, the casual murder of another demon. That demon had done nothing at all, had simply been destroyed as a test. And if not for the body swap, Crowley would have been the next victim.
Nightmares came if Aziraphale dozed, nightmares in which things went very differently. Satan descending on Crowley’s trembling body, holding him down with a giant hand, torturing him to death. The bucket of holy water missing Ligur and hitting Crowley. Crowley being the one who stepped into that bathtub, shrieking and screaming in agony as it melted him.
During the day, few of those thoughts bothered Aziraphale. But now, it was getting dark again.
Aziraphale stood by the upstairs window of the shop, watching the light fade away. Watching as night devoured every scrap of natural brightness, leaving only the artificial glow of shops and headlights. Ushering in yet another stretch of terror.
“Angel?” Crowley wrapped around him from behind, holding him gently as he trembled. This too was a constant now, but even Crowley’s presence couldn’t fully banish the memories. “S’ okay. I’m right here.”
“I know.” Aziraphale pressed back against him, unable to fully shake the growing terror. Oh, it was horrible. He couldn’t take another night of this, of feeling on the verge of a breakdown.
There had to be something, some distraction that would work. Something that would remind him everything was okay, that they were safe. That Crowley was safe.
Gentle kisses pressed to his neck, Crowley’s eternal attempts to chase back the fear. “I’m here, Aziraphale. Right here. Is there anything I can do?”
And all at once, Aziraphale knew. “Crowley…would you make love to me? I want…I want to…”
Before he could figure out how to explain, Crowley hugged him tighter. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, however you’d like. What, er…”
“I want you to take me.” Aziraphale turned to face him, to press against him. He and Crowley had made love on occasion throughout their long acquaintance, but not since the Apocalypse. “I want to feel safe. And oh, Crowley… you make me feel so safe.”
A slight smile tugged at Crowley’s lips, although his eyes remained worried. “Mkay. I’ll do my best.”
Crowley kissed him gently, lips sliding across his, tongue teasing at his mouth. Aziraphale welcomed him with eagerness, with desperation. This had to work. Something had to make the fear go away.
His body responded with tingling need even though he had yet to manifest genitals. He did so now, shifting his corporation, creating a fold between his legs. That was simplest, required the least amount of preparation and meant that they could be close together, face to face.
The demon’s kisses moved to his neck, and Aziraphale rocked his hips forward to press against the growing hardness in Crowley’s trousers. “Please,” he whispered. “Crowley, please. Please.”
“I’ve got you.” Crowley pulled him away from the window, guided him to the bed, gently pushed him down. “D’ya wanna just miracle off—”
Before he could finish, Aziraphale snapped his fingers and miracled away their clothes. Crowley was as beautiful as ever, his trim body shivering with desire, gorgeous cock half hard. Aziraphale moaned at the sight of him and slid a hand down to touch himself. He needed Crowley, needed him desperately. “Please…”
Crowley climbed across him, hand covering Aziraphale’s. He pressed down, and Aziraphale rocked up into the touch. And then Crowley’s fingers were sliding lower, tracing the edges of his folds, teasing lightly. “Mm?”
“Please.” Aziraphale bucked up into the touch. “Please, Crowley. I need you.”
“Nnnh, angel. You know I can never resist that.”
One long, slim finger dipped inside him. Just the one, in and out, barely breaching him. And then Crowley’s thumb slipped up to circle his clit, the touch light.
Aziraphale gasped and moaned, his walls pulsing with need. Crowley’s finger moved in, out. In, out. In, out. His thumb continued to circle, to rub, to brush across the sensitive nub. “Oh, Crowley…”
Just when he thought he might explode from the strain of waiting, the smooth, hot head of Crowley’s cock pressed to him. With the same languid ease, Crowley sank himself into Aziraphale’s body. Aziraphale opened his legs wider, pushing up into the slow thrust.
Crowley buried himself as deep as possible, whimpering softly. Light kisses pressed to Aziraphale’s lips, cheek, jaw. And then, still languid, not rushing, he began to move. Smooth, deep thrusts, moving in Aziraphale’s slick passage as if this was something they did every day rather than a mere handful of times over the past few centuries.
Those previous encounters hadn’t been like this. They’d always been in a hurry, almost embarrassed by it. Brief moments of taking comfort in each other’s arms before returning to their separate paths.
Aziraphale sank a hand into Crowley’s short hair, dragging him back down for another kiss. Chills ran through him, and he rocked with the skillful movements. He had to lose himself in this, to be aware of nothing other than Crowley.
Because night was falling in earnest now, shadows long despite the warm bookshop lights. The memories crowded in with the darkness, and he clutched tighter at his demon. His demon who he’d almost lost so many times. It had been so, so terrifyingly close…
“I’m here, angel.” Crowley slowed his thrusts and brought one hand up to skim across Aziraphale’s cheek in rhythmic caresses. “It’s okay. I’ve got you, Aziraphale.”
“I almost lost you,” Aziraphale whispered, catching Crowley’s hand. His breaths came faster, heart pounding in his ears. “Crowley, I could have lost you. And the memories, the memories are so strong…”
“Shhh, I know. I know.” Tender kisses to his face paired with the gentle rocking. “But you didn’t lose me, and I didn’t lose you. We’re together.”
Aziraphale pulled his hand closer and kissed it, then slid his fingers into Crowley’s silky hair. He gazed into beautiful golden eyes, trying to fully immerse himself in the vitality and closeness of Crowley’s body moving in his. “I love you so much, Crowley. I’m…I’m so happy to have you.”
Tears fell now, but they were tears of love rather than fear and despair. Crowley gave a teary smile in response and brushed their lips together. “Love you too, angel. We’re safe now, and everything’s okay. We’re safe.”
Aziraphale traced the lines of his face, drinking in the beautiful sight as Crowley made love to him. All gentleness and adoration, movements smooth. A bit more of the terror fled, chased away by their love growing and filling the shop.
“M’ here, angel.” Crowley bent to kiss his neck, whispering reassurances against his skin. “Right here. S’ all okay now. Don’t be scared.”
The fear drifted further away, and Aziraphale began to lose himself in earnest to the rhythm of their bodies. He had always savored the joys of life, and this was certainly a joy.
Crowley knew him, knew how to wring every ounce of pleasure from his body and mind. Fingers danced between Aziraphale’s legs, circling and teasing and rubbing at every sensitive spot with expert attention. Driving Aziraphale towards heights of ecstasy, to a state where he was aware of nothing except Crowley.
Aware of the cock driving into him, stronger thrusts now that rocked him back against the bed. Aware of the kisses brushing against his lips, cheeks, neck. Aware of Crowley’s gentle words, words that gradually faded from full sentences to only whispers of “Aziraphale…”
A burst of overwhelming pleasure swept through Aziraphale’s whole body, and he pressed up into Crowley’s movements as climax took him. Shuddering waves of delight, all-consuming love. Aziraphale gasped and clung to his demon, surrendering fully to the union.
And then Crowley was gasping and shuddering too, forehead pressed to Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale curled a hand around the nape of his neck and drew him down to rest, rocking slowly with him through the aftershocks of bliss.
“My Crowley,” he whispered against sweaty, flushed skin. Crowley was alive, so wonderfully alive. “My beautiful Crowley. Oh, I am so happy to have you. I love you.”
Crowley pressed shaky kisses to his neck, shivering now. He must be chilled now that the exertion was past. “I love you too, angel.”
They shifted and adjusted, turning onto their sides. Sated golden eyes gazed at Aziraphale, so full of life. Crowley quirked a sleepy smile and snapped his fingers, miracling a blanket across them.
“Ah, much better,” Aziraphale said softly. He was a bit chilled himself, although thoroughly distracted from that by the closeness to his demon. “Oh, Crowley. That was so very wonderful.”
“Really was.” Crowley’s hand drifted up and down his side, and he leaned to kiss Aziraphale’s brow. “Did it help? You look loads more relaxed.”
“It helped so very much.” Tears welled, and Aziraphale sniffled despite the wonderful experience. “Oh, it’s been so hard, Crowley. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for me to shake off these memories when you’re clearly right here. It’s so silly of me.”
“S’ not silly.” With a sympathetic pout, Crowley ruffled his hair. The gentle touches calmed Aziraphale’s frustration and guided him back to their present moment. “Trauma’s like that, angel. It doesn’t care about reason. I still…y’know. The fire.”
A harsh shiver rolled through him, and Aziraphale’s tummy wrenched with sympathy. He snuggled closer to his demon, wrapping an arm across his side. “It’s all right, Crowley. We’re both all right, both perfectly safe.”
“Mm.” Crowley closed the rest of the space between them, cuddling up with his face buried in Aziraphale’s chest. “We are. And I’ve got you, angel. Always.”
Aziraphale squeezed his eyes shut, pressed his face into Crowley’s hair. The darkness wasn’t so scary now. “And I, you.”