Work Text:
Statement of Kevin LaVerne, survivor of the panic at Spring Beach.
Statement recorded by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institut, London. Statement begins:
"Yo, me and my homeboys Justin and Melvin were at springbreak, okay? It was perfect: nice weather, cool bands and a ton of hot and spicy chicks, if ya know, what I mean. We were there to party and of course to get laid. We know we could get the best chances at the concert of Verosika. What, you don't know Verosika and her band? Shes the bomb. I mean, really. Shes superhot, everyone is Into her. And her music is… seducing? It's the perfect time for a fast and dirty number.
However, things became to get odd a few hours before Verosikas concert. My friends and I were together with a bunch of boys and i think two girls? Yes, we were drunk and of course there were drugs, it was springbreak! But I remember how Kyle followed this hot goth chick in an alleyway and the next thing i knew was, that he was dead! Headshot with a sniper rifle. Culprit unknown. And he wasn't the only one! One guys head was crushed with a flower pot!
But we didn't stop to party. It was summer and sometimes people die. Mourning was for later and I didnt know this people well. So we carried on. Verosika began to play and instant there were multiple orgies going on. That's normal, its her music.
Justin wanted to get some beer when we saw the Opossum. Ugly little critter, with a bow tie around his neck.
While "Vacay to Bonetown" was playing - and Melvin finally was getting laid by a really hot guy - Justin, I and a few other people were toying with this Opossum and finally stuck it in a gallon of beer.
And I think that's angered the fishgod.
Because just minutes later this giant fish thing crawled from the ocean, smashed Justin and painted the beach red. It was horrible. Everyone screamed or tried to run. And then there was this other critter with the Opossum and a guy with capricorn horns. And they fight the fish god, cutting it in half. The whole sea was red.
I heard there was more. More death. More dlood. All I knew was the horrible crushed sack of meat that was Justin. One of his eyes was still intact. And it stared at me.
I… I don't remember much more. I think Verosika was arrested, but I don't know why. That's all, I wanna go home. Kevin out.
Statement ends.“
…
"Well, that definitely remains unsolvable. What a strange statement. And of course, Gertrude sorted this tale in folklore. That's ridiculous.
First it isn't anything folkloristic and second it belongs to the Usher foundation. I will inform Washington about this and close this case.
Sasha could not resist looking this one up. She spoke to Mister LaVerne again, but he could not offer further insights and he described the night as "totally nuts, dude". His words.
She couldn't find any other evidence of the strange circumstances. However, the amount of deaths during this SpringBreak were unreasonable high.“