Work Text:
Go to bed!
No!!
You both need sleep go to sleep
Read me a bedtime story…?
Lmao ok
Once upon a time…
Omg story!!
… there was a pathetic lad named Branzy, who lived with his evil stepmother and his horrible stepbrothers
man he will never not be pathetic huh
They would make him do all the cooking and cleaning,
L
And he worked hard from sunrise to sunset. One day, there was a huge announcement: the prince was looking for a partner, and all were invited to a ball.
:0
Branzy’s stepbrothers were very excited, and they made Branzy prepare a lot of things for them. Branzy had no time to work on his own clothes, but disney princess powers are real and the cats helped him.
This is the gayest cinderella story I've ever seen
Branzy the meow meow. Wet plastic bag
On the day of the ball, the stepbrothers were dressed in their finest outfits. However, when Branzy went to wear his, he found it torn to shreds.
>:((
>:0
Branzy was very sad as he watched his stepfamily leave for the ball. He laid in the ashes of the fireplace, hoping the dirt would reclaim him.
Mood.
“This sucks.” Branzy moaned, flopping down beside the fireplace, the ashes swirling further into the house. He watched them for a moment before deciding to hell with it and flopped down into the soot. He deserved a little melodrama.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.” Branzy groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes.
“I wish I could go to the ball….”
Suddenly, a magical fairy appeared!
WHO IT BE
“W-Who are you?” Branzy asked.
The fae grinned, dark red wings fluttering behind them.
The suspense. It's killing me
“I'm ur fairy godparent lmao” said Reddoons.
“Uh. Okay.” Branzy blinked. “Works for me.”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
JHGFDFGHJKKJHGF OK
DYINGGGGG
LET’S GO CAPITALIST POP OFF AND MAKE BRANZY POG
“Why are you here?” Branzy asked, crawling out of the ashes. He gave his sooty clothes a dismayed look. That was going to be tough to wash out.
“I'm here to grant ur wish. woo.” The fae said. With the power of capitalism, Branzy was now dressed in a dark gray suit with a purple skirt, a feathered masquerade mask completing the look.
WITH THE POWER OF CAPITALISM LMAOOOOOO
“Wow uh. Thanks fairy godparent- what's your name anyways?- but how will I get to the ball? Like this outfit is great and all but the palace is a bit far to walk.”
will branzy make it to the ball? will clown make an appearance? why does reddoons do this for free? find out next time on dragon ball-
“Hm. Ok hold on.”
The fae pulled a small rectangle out of his pocket and tapped at it with his thumbs. “U can call me Red btw.”
“Uh okay. What are you doing?”
Red held up his pointer finger, holding the strange rectangle up to his ear as it made ringing noises. “Ash gimme ur boots.”
A crackly voice shouted out of the rectangle, echoing around the room and making Branzy jump.
“WHAT NO I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY FUCKING BOOTS FUCK OFF REDDOONS-”
“U owe me.”
“.... fuck you.”
“love u too.”
Red tapped the rectangle again, the strange device going silent.
“K he should be here soon.”
Branzy gaped at the fae, wondering what the fuck just happened.
He wasn't given much time to dwell, as a large purple angel? Demon? Whatever it was, it was purple and had far too many wings and it made Branzy’s eyes hurt just by looking at it.
He screamed shrilly, stumbling away from the entity. It didn't pay any attention to him though, instead marching (floating?) over to Red and throwing a pair of iron boots shimmering with enchantments at him.
“Why do you even need my boots don’t you have fucking magic or whatever fuck you.”
Red neatly dodged the boots, levelling a glare at the being that was presumably Ash. “U know I can’t touch those.”
Ash moved his wings in what could be considered a shrug. “Yeah.”
Red rolled his eyes at him, gesturing for Branzy to come and get the boots. “These r magic shoes ok. U put them on, they make u fly, u get to the ball. It all works out.”
AND THEN HE SITS ON THE BOOTS AND THEY KICK HIS ASS
boots with the boots, with the boots
crying rn
So now Branzy had magical iron boots.
Ash huffs, watching Branzy tentatively take the shimmering boots. “I want them back by midnight.”
Red sighs, glancing over to Branzy. “U think 6 hours is gonna be enough 2 fall in love or whatever u wanna do at that ball?”
“Yeah, I mean. I didn't think I'd get a chance to go at all, so…” Branzy says, putting on the boots.
got the whole boots looking at boots boots hit the floor (boots hit the floor)
“Pog,” Red said, fluttering up to perch on the joint of one of Ash’s wings. “Later loser see u at midnight cuz thats when things’ll start going to shit oki byeeeeeeee-”
And they disappeared in a poof of red and purple sparkles.
“Well.” Branzy said, looking around at the room. “That happened.”
Finding no reason to stay, he walked out the door and took flight.
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So Branzy made it to the ball.
Branzy landed in a courtyard within the palace gates, definitely not stumbling and almost face-planting into some bushes. No, he’s much too cool for that.
The music and chatter from the ball drifted out of the large glass doors that opened into the courtyard. It looked like everyone in the world was there. Which logically was impossible, but Branzy was never known for thinking logically!
He swallowed nervously, adjusting his mask. What if his stepfamily recognized him? What if he didn't meet the prince? What if he did meet the prince and made a complete fool of himself in front of him? He wasn't sure which was worse, honestly.
Branzy would have probably stayed in that courtyard all night out of anxiety if the delicious scent of baked goods hadn't wafted through the doors, making his stomach growl. And so, drawn by his nose, Branzy entered the ball.
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Meanwhile, the prince was so bored.
he’s at the ball guys shush it's the reveal and love moment omg
All of these nobles coming up to him, trying to present themselves or their children as the perfect candidates for a partner. As if. Like they all just didn't want power. Please.
L
He was so bored, his slate gray eyes lazily roaming around the ballroom, looking for someone interesting.
And then enter wet cat
Cat!!
Is this the gay part!?
His eye caught movement coming from the courtyard, and he glanced towards the doors as a white-haired person entered. Their outfit was simple, but pretty, a dark gray vest and top with a purple scarf around their neck. They had a long purple skirt that swished as they moved, and the prince found himself mesmerized by the shifting heart and diamond patterns sewn into the fabric. A feathered mask covered their eyes, gray and lavender feathers rustling as the person made a beeline towards the snack table.
damn he really did have white hair and pronounces didn't he
The prince watched the person as they ate the small pastries provided, chowing down on the fancy snacks like there was no tomorrow.
He tilted his head curiously, making his way over to the person. It was strange, and refreshing, that they hadn’t immediately introduced themselves to him like all the other guests. Perhaps they would be different from everyone else in the ballroom.
I wanna see if he goes awooga
Shush, now back to Branzy. He hadn’t eaten all day, and was just munching on snacks.
Mmmm snak
Nom
After all, he probably wouldn’t get the chance to eat such fancy food ever again.
Might as well enjoy it while it lasted, Branzy thought as he munched on an eclair.
He was so focused on savouring the sweet dessert he didn't notice someone join him at the table.
GASP
to clown, he is the snack
“Hello,” a voice behind him said.
Branzy yelped in surprise, whirling around. A tall man dressed in red and black silk stood behind him, his face covered by a grinning jester mask.
Startled, Branzy yelped again, dropping the remains of his eclair.
The man chuckled, bending down to pick up the eclair with silk-gloved hands. “What’s so scary?” He asked, tossing the eclair into a conveniently placed garbage can.
Branzy swallowed, trying to get his heartbeat under control.
lookin kinda *limps wrist* there sir…..
Love at first snack
“Y- your mask! It’s scary!”
“Aw, no it's not! See, it's got a smile!” The stranger said, his voice echoing slightly in the mask.
“Yeah, a really creepy one!” Branzy laughed. The jester tilted his head, and Branzy got the impression that he was smiling at him.
“Would you like to dance?” he said, holding out a gloved hand.
“Yeah, sure!” Branzy said, brushing the remaining crumbs from his hands before taking the jester’s hand. “It's not like I was doing much else, anyways.”
The jester laughed, a quiet, breathy chuckle as he led Branzy to the dance floor.
He grinned at the man, ignoring the swell of happiness in his chest that came from making the jester laugh. “So what’s your name, anyways?” Branzy asked as they joined some of the other dancing pairs in a waltz.
Holy shit a waltz the most homo of the dances-
The jester hummed thoughtfully, placing one of his hands on Branzy’s lower back. He could feel its warmth through the gloves, he noticed idly.
“You can call me Clown.”
“Clown?” Branzy snorts, “What kind of name is that?”
Clown makes an offended noise, spinning them in time to the music. “A good one! It matches my mask.”
Branzy rolls his eyes playfully. “Ah right, your totally-not-scary mask.”
Clown huffs, twirling Branzy. “Well, what’s your name then?”
Branzy grinned, cheeks slightly flushed from dancing. “Branzy.”
“Branzy…” Clown hums, and his name sounded good in Clown’s voice. Quiet and rich.
“That’s a pretty name.”
“Thank you! I chose it myself.”
And they continued to dance, talking as they waltzed around the dance floor. The longer they danced, the more stares and whispers they attracted, jealous guests wondering if the prince had found his partner. The pair eventually drew the attention of Branzy’s stepfamily, and one of his stepbrothers made his envious way over to the dancing duo.
“Fuck.” Branzy muttered, spying his eldest stepbrother over Clown’s shoulder.
“What?” Clown asked curiously. “Is something wrong?”
“That man-” Branzy nodded at his stepbrother, taking a few reflexive steps back.
“Ah.” Said Clown, voice hardening as he looked over his shoulder. “Would you like me to have him thrown out?”
“Yeah, yes, that’d be great- wait, you can do that-?”
Clown nodded, stepping back and snapping his fingers at two guards by the edge of the dance floor. He gestured towards Branzy’s stepbrother, who had noticed his target’s actions and had slowed his gait considerably.
As Clown and the guards zeroed in on his stepbrother, Branzy glanced at the clock.
11:47, it read.
“Fuck.” Branzy muttered again, paling as he ran for the exit stairs. As he pushed through the crowd, the indigent shouts of his stepbrother being kicked out echoing behind him, one of the iron boots came loose, sending Branzy tripping down the stairs.
“Crapcrapcrap aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-” Branzy whispered, standing again and taking flight.
The iron boot, left behind, shimmered in the moonlight.
NO THE BOOTS WITH THE BOOTS (WITH THE BOOTS)
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Clown rolled his eyes as the horrid guest Branzy had seemed so afraid of was thrown out of his palace. What a slimeball. He was lucky Clown hadnt ordered him to be killed, honestly. At least now Branzy could feel a bit safer. Clown had seen the way his dance partner’s eyes had darted around the room and the tension that never seemed to leave his shoulders. Maybe Clown could ask if there were any more guests he wanted thrown out, it's not like they were doing anything other than staring and whispering-
Hey. Where was Branzy, anyways?
Clown looked around worriedly before spotting the flash of a purple skirt heading out the main doors.
“Hey! Wait-” he yelled, chasing after his partner.
All the prince found to show for his wonderful night with Branzy was a singular iron boot, left abandoned on the palace steps.
Isn't it weird how in the original story the prince doesn't remember what ‘snack guy’ looked like
It's for plot convenience or whatever
Clown studied the boot curiously. There was no sign of Branzy, and he had no idea where he would have gone. Fuck.
Suddenly, an idea occurred to him. It had been depressingly long since he’d threatened some people… and he did need to find Branzy…
So Clown went around threatening people to see who wore the iron boot.
as he should
king shit fr
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Branzy crash-landed on the pathway ten minutes later, windswept and panicked.
“Oh crap oh fuck oh Red’s gonna be so mad-” he whispered as he shakily unlocked the door.
Slipping inside the empty house, Branzy leaned against the door as it shut. Sighing, he slid down to sit on the floor and put his head in his hands.
“Fuck.” Branzy muttered, thinking about the lost boot. And lost time. And just how rude he was, leaving like that. Without even a goodbye to Clown! Aaagh.
Before Branzy could continue his thoughts, Reddoons appeared again as the clock struck midnight and his fancy outfit changed back into his soot-covered rags.
“So how was ur cinderella au?”
Branzy glanced upwards at the fae, blinking confusedly. “What?”
“Oh right ur not self-aware. My bad. How was ur dance?”
Branzy sighed, looking down at his hands. “Great.”
“Why r u moping about it then?” Branzy sighed again, this time with a lot more melodrama. “I don't know. I didn't get to say goodbye to the guy I was dancing with, I'm pretty sure my stepbrother recognized me, and I lost one of the boots which I'm really sorry about-”
“U lost the boot?! Fuck yeah congrats man!!”
Branzy’s mouth fell open in shock. “What do you mean congrats?! I lost one of your Ash’s boots!!”
Red laughs, wings fluttering in amusement. “Dude Ash loses those things like every other day its ok.”
The fae’s eyes suddenly light up as a thought occurs to him. “Actually, this is great for u!”
“Uh, how, exactly?”
“The guy u were dancing with, he’ll come looking for the person who lost the boot, you.”
“He can do that?”
“Yeah, no shit he’s the prince he can do whatever-”
“He’s WHAT!?
Lol.
“Right. U aren't self-aware. I keep forgetting that.”
‘I DANCED ALL NIGHT WITH THE PRINCE?!?” Branzy shrieked, leaping to his feet.
“Yea lmao”
“Ohmygod. Holy shit. Ohmygosh this is terrible-”
“? wdym dude you were just in a room full of people who would prolly kill for your night why is it terrible”
“I ditched him!!! And now he’s probably super mad!!” Branzy laughed nervously, tugging at his hair as he paced. “And my stepfamily is probably on their way home and they’ll know I went to the ball and I am so screwed-”
Suddenly, the distinctive sound of a carriage rattling along the cobblestones reached their ears. Branzy whirled around, panicking.
“Fuck.”
“Can’t you do something?” Branzy whisper-yells to Red, face pale.
The fae shrugs. “Sorry dude I only have enough magic as the plot needs. Dw tho your Clown is gonna be here soon anyways ttyl.”
And with that confusing promise, Branzy’s fairy godparent once again disappeared into red sparkles.
dying
After his stepmother and stepbrothers discovered that Branzy had left the house, he was locked in the attic.
local wet cat locked in gay baby jail, more at 7
Branzy was deep in despair.
“Fuck.” He muttered, leaning his head against the door, listening to the receding footsteps of his stepmother.
“Fuuuuuuuuck.” He groaned as he flopped down on the thin mattress that served as a bed.
And there he stayed for a very long time, or at least until he fell asleep.
Hey is it just me or is the pacing of this kinda wack
Shut up I'm trying okay ;-;
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The next morning, Branzy awoke to the distant clatter of carriage wheels on cobblestone. Blearily, he stumbled over to the small attic window, wondering who could be visiting his stepfamily. They didn't get many visitors.
The black carriage was met by Branzy’s stepmother at the end of the staircase, stopping in one smooth motion. The door was engraved with a silver insignia, which Branzy couldn’t make out. It looked a bit like the royal crest though, which was stupid, because why would-
The door opened, and out stepped the man that Branzy had danced with, Clown, as well as one of the guards who had thrown out Branzy’s stepbrother.
woooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Holy shit Red was right.
Love wins <3
Branzy, now fully awake, smiled at the fact that Clown had looked for him. He had wanted to see him again.
“Wait, how do I get his attention?”
And Branzy’s gaze fell to the other iron boot, which he had discarded beside his bed before he fell asleep.
Does he break the window
He looked out the window, aimed, and yeeted the boot as hard as he could.
fuck yeah
It smashed through the window with a loud crash.
Lets gooo king
----------------------------------------------
Clown looked up as his guard was hit by a flying iron boot, the other half of a pair to the one he held in his hand.
the one trap he fell for lol
Local man attacked by a flying boot. “It’s almost like witchcraft but gayer because the prince was there,” Rek exclaimed.
He looked up to see Branzy furiously waving from an attic window, carefully avoiding the broken glass.
----------------------------------------------
Branzy saw the exact moment Clown recognized him. The Prince’s mask tipped up, and Branzy got the sense that he was wearing a smile practically identical to the one on his mask.
He watched as Clown exchanged a few words with Branzy’s stepmother, who was standing in an expression of furious shock. He seemed to win whatever conversation happened, and soon the front door was being opened, the stairs being ascended, and the locked attic door being broken down.
How romantic <33
“Hi.” Branzy said, grinning at Clown as he stood in the doorway.
“Hi.” He replied, slightly breathless.
They stood in slightly awkward silence for a moment before Clown cleared his throat and said; “Uh, do you want to leave this place? It’s. uhm…” Clown trailed off, looking down, embarrassed.
“What?” Branzy asked, stepping closer curiously.
“It’s not worthy of you.” Clown said quietly, holding out the iron boots.
Omg
who could have seen this coming
Branzy blushed, taking the boots. “Yeah, yeah sure. Will there be more eclairs there?”
Clown laughed, the same breathy chuckle as that night at the ball. “Yeah, all the snacks.”
“Sweet, let’s go!”
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
gay
GEOPLE
The end.
*applause*
SLAYY
One more please?
It's midnight
No it's not!
Please more stories??
U r never gonna sleep if you have gay on the brain
More gay!!
Okay fine. One more story
Yay!!!
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“Fucking finally.” Ash groaned.
“It's literally less than 3.5k words how is that “finally”?” Red said, clicking the kudos button.
“Took goddamn forever to get to the “happy ever after”. And I still don't have my fucking boots back so I don't know how happy that after is.”
“Well I fulfilled my fairy godparent duties, Rek recovered from that tragic boot attack, Nix didn’t stay up too late writing this and love wins so I’d say it's pretty happy.”
based. especially the not too late part
“Whatever. I still want my boots back. “
“Well maybe u will get them back in the next chapter.”
yeah I mean it is probably gonna be about you so
“Oh fuck yes-”