Work Text:
Mary struggled to read the last page of her assigned homework.
The natural light coming from the window had almost vanished, appointing the few candles in the study room in its place.
The study room was old and dusty.
Mary used to be afraid of the way the huge library hovered above everything else in the room, how its shadow made everything look so much smaller.
She always tried to avoid entering 'the big library' as her father used to call it before it became for Mary what a classroom is for schoolgirls.
Mother had insisted that they let her go to an actual school, but father didn't want to hear a word of it.
As he had said, he had much more to offer her than a teacher and in a place where she wouldn't be 'tempted' by anything.
Now that is what Mary could not understand.
As a six-year-old, back when her parents started discussing school and her future, she didn't know what the word 'tempting' meant. She didn't know what father was talking about and she was afraid to ask. She wasn't even supposed to be eavesdropping on her parents from under the kitchen table. If father knew, she'd surely be beaten up. Curiosity was a great sin.
Ten years later, however, she had read enough books and numerous parts of the Bible-multiple times-to know what father was referring to.
-Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.-Romans, 8:8
The only school near their residence was mixed. Her parents hadn't found an all-girls religious school that wasn't at least three hours away with the carriage.
Having to study with both girls and boys was not an option for her father, who insisted that if they wanted their daughter to marry well someday, she'd have to remain pure.
The girl was confused as to why she couldn't remain pure while having friends to play with, but she wouldn't defy Father or his decisions.
That small inconvenience, however, had resulted in Mary's long-term loneliness. She was homeschooled since she was a child, and she never left the house without her mother and brothers.
She had no friends.
Well, until Eleanor.
Mary was only nineteen, but absolutely certain that she had already found her favorite person in the world.
Eleanor was the pale, quiet housemaid that had been serving Mary's family since she was twelve years old.
Mary was only a year younger than her but it felt like they were in completely different stages of their lives.
Eleanor was a silent woman and a hard-working maid.
Sometimes Mary would observe her while she was doing her work-feeding the chickens, cleaning the house, cooking and baking for the family. That was a good overview of her life since she had been hired seven years ago.
Mary had wondered how someone could live like this for so long.
At least she had something to look forward to-getting older and escaping this house. Establishing her own rules and breaking free of her father's chains.
Eleanor had nothing to look forward to. She would just keep working and working. Even if she had something, Mary didn't know what it was.
However, the maid never looked tired or miserable. A neutral expression was always on her face. As if to hide from everyone what she was feeling.
Mary admired her for that. Technically and literally, she was property, but they would never own her thoughts and feelings.
She had expressed that admiration in the past, when she had discovered that Eleanor knew how to read.
For her nineteenth birthday, Mary had gotten her first storybook and for the past six months after her first, she had been reading each and every one of them she could find in the library.
Her father had scolded her for getting too caught up in tales instead of studying her homework and the Bible, so she had started stealing them in secret from the studying room.
Discovering that Eleanor could read was a big delight because Mary could now share her favorite stories with her only friend.
Her latest discovery was a small, thin book with short stories. She was certain it was a new one because she'd never fallen upon it before. It had no title, only a small carved symbol on the brown cover.
She had contained herself all day, trying not to read it by herself in her bedroom because she wanted to share it with Eleanor, wanted the maid to read it to her. She loved the sound of the woman's voice.
When night fell, she waited until her family was asleep and then quietly left her room.
She climbed up the stairs to the small attic in excitement, trying to make the less possible noise. The wooden stairs were old and noisy and Mary hoped no one had heard her.
She knocked on the old door.
As it was opened, she saw Eleanor removing her work bonnet and letting her dark hair fall on her back. She was already dressed in her long, white night dress. She looked as pale as always, even in the warm light of two candles. Nevertheless, Mary thought she was beautiful and she felt her face getting warmer. For some unexplainable reason, the other girl often had this kind of effect on her friend.
"Eleanor! Look what I found.", Mary whispered, entering the attic, holding her newfound treasure.
The maid turned to see what the other girl was showing her, throwing her bonnet on the old, squeaky bed she slept in.
"Another one? I thought we'd read them all.", the young maid said curiously. She took the book from Mary, opening it carefully.
Mary looked at her friend enthusiastically.
"What do you think?"
Eleanor just nodded, turned around and hopped on her bed. "Come on."
Mary was elated. This was her favorite part of the day. If she could sit in this dusty attic all day, listening to Eleanor's soothing voice telling her stories, she would.
"Wait. Will you braid my hair first?", Mary asked.
The maid didn't reply, she just pulled Mary by the hand gently and turned her around so she could face her head.
She softly touched the woman's blonde hair and started braiding.
Mary closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of her skull being caressed by her friend's light fingers.
"Your parents told me to stop bothering you.", the maid whispered suddenly. "They said I'm distracting you from your studies."
Mary turned around, forgetting about the braid. She searched her friend's face for a sign that she would obey the order her parents had given, but she only saw two glistening eyes.
"No.", she said firmly.
Eleanor averted her gaze and started playing with a folded corner of the book.
"Eleanor, no.", Mary repeated. She took the maid's hand, bringing it to her face..
The brunette looked back at her and shook her head, pulling her hand back. "What if they punish us? I've seen your father...", she gulped, trying to gather her thoughts.
"I know. But you can't let them come between us. You're the only person I have.", Mary said, the desperation evident on her face.
"No, I'm not. You have your family and I'm just a maid. You're my employer."
Mary panicked. Was Eleanor trying to end their friendship?
She couldn't handle losing the only person that mattered.
"No, I'm not!", she half-shouted. "And you're not just a maid. You're....more than that to me.", Mary lowered her tone. She didn't know why she hadn't said 'friend'. It felt like the maid was way more to her than that. She was on the verge of tears.
Eleanor's face softened. She crawled closer to her friend, opening her arms for her.
Mary jumped into the maid's arms, crying softly.
She felt her back and head being stoked and she relaxed against her favorite person in the whole world.
She couldn't lose this. She couldn't lose the warmth of those arms, the affection she received every night in this old attic. Eleanor was the only good thing in her life.
"Please don't leave me.", her voice cracked. She nuzzled into the maid's neck, smelling a warm mix of milk and sugar.
Eleanor started rocking them back and forth, kissing the blonde's head tenderly.
"I won't. We'll be careful."
Mary pulled back slowly, her face only inches away from Eleanor's. She stared into her eyes, trying to find the comfort the brunette always had to offer. She placed both her hands on the girl's face, stroking it.
Eleanor was looking at her expectantly, her eyes warm and inviting.
Mary had a strong urge to do something, proceed somehow, but she didn't know what to do. They had never been so close before.
She had to show Eleanor how important she was to her.
The blonde leaned forward until their foreheads touched and closed her eyes, too overwhelmed by how intimate this position was.
Eleanor slowly pulled back a little and leaned in again to kiss Mary's forehead and then the tip of her nose.
Mary's heart was beating so fast she thought it would explode inside her chest.
She wanted more.
She wanted to be kissed on her lips, like the prince kisses the princess at the end of every single tale she'd loved.
But that was impossible. No tale had ever been about a princess kissing another princess.
She couldn't want that because it wasn't normal. Women could only be friends with each other.
Her father had wanted to send her to an all-girls school, which meant it was impossible to be 'tempted' by another woman.
God had created Adam and Eve. This was the right way. She was destined to marry a man and kiss him on the lips, like in the tales. Anything that didn't look like God's creation was a sin.
A sudden surge of dread filled her chest with that thought.
She felt embarrassed about her ideas and internally asked God for forgiveness.
Eleanor was still looking at her affectionately, waiting for her to do something.
Mary pulled back, not wanting the maid to somehow realize what abnormalities she had been thinking about. She simply caressed her friend's face and hair and then picked up the momentarily forgotten book.
Eleanor sighed quietly and laid back, waiting for Mary to lay with her head resting on her legs as always.
The blonde did just that, handing the book back to the other girl.
...
Mary once again turned around in her bed, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. She felt the weight of the stories she had heard tonight crushing her.
The storybook she had been delighted to find did not belong in this house, did not belong to her father. It couldn't.
Why would he bring this sort of book to the library? He couldn't have known about the things written inside, could he?
Mary had heard of three stories tonight. Tales with bad endings. All of them dreadful.
However, only one of them had gotten stuck in her mind as no other tale ever had.
"The old lady of Bethabara".
The startling tale of a noblewoman and her female servant who bathed together, nude, in a river. An older woman saw them engaging in immoral litigations and the two women agreed on killing her so she wouldn't speak of what she had seen.
When they returned to the riverbank the next day, they found the old lady alive, even though they had made sure she was lifeless. The old woman killed the servant and blinded the noblewoman.
Mary had never read such a tragic story, with such an ending.
This was not why it was still bothering her though.
The two women...bathing together...
Until now, she couldn't even imagine such unethical pictures. But...father had brought this book into the house.
How sinful could these relations described in the book be if that book had been sitting in their library as a regular tale?
Maybe the desire to be kissed by Eleanor was not abnormal after all. Whoever had written this book had surely experienced something similar. Right?
Maybe the two women in the story were friends. Maybe it was okay for friends to feel like this towards one another. She couldn't know.
She'd never have any friends except the housemaid.
She let her mind wander. She let herself imagine how it would feel to be kissed by Eleanor. A small, sweet peck, like the one she had read about numerous times.
She had never seen people kissing. If her parents did it, she'd never witnessed it. She wondered what it was really like.
The image of her and Eleanor bathing together kept popping into her head. She blushed deeply, thinking about the brunette without her clothes.
Eleanor was always fully covered with her work gear or her long nightgown, so it was difficult for Mary to visualize the maid's body solely based on her own. She wondered how the brunette's collarbone would feel under her fingers.
She shook her head, embarrassed and horrified. She wanted to stop thinking about her, but it was impossible after the story she'd heard.
She felt the intimate area between her thighs aching. She was uncomfortable.
She remembered the two women in the story were punished for their activities. The old lady had seen something forbidden, that's why they'd killed her.
Mary realized that abnormal thoughts and actions could be done and temptation was a little more complex than she originally thought.
She had the thoughts and she wanted to act on them. But it was a test.
She realized what her father had meant with 'God tests us every day.'
She was so confused. She just wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything. Why did God have to test her with Eleanor?
...
The following night, Mary contemplated if she should go to Eleanor.
When they had nothing to read, they would make up stories by themselves or count stars from the attic's window.
She really wanted to be near Eleanor right now. She was only hesitating because of her newfound perceptions of the maid.
She knew God was testing her, but she shamefully comprehended that she cared more about the brunette than how God would judge her.
She tiptoed along the second floor's hallway and climbed the stairs quietly.
She knocked on the attic door-two knocks, then three-and waited.
The door opened like every night after midnight, revealing Eleanor in her white nightgown.
"Come in.", the brunette whispered.
Mary walked in and closed the door behind her. She turned the key two times like every time she'd come into this room.
Eleanor looked at her in a way that made her heart skip a beat. Her gaze was inviting.
The blonde didn't know what the maid was prompting her to do. She was trying to comprehend her own feelings one by one.
Mary knew things had changed since last night. She wanted to know if that book had sparked something in Eleanor the same way it had done to her.
She wondered if the brunette was still thinking about the two women bathing together in the story like she was.
"I didn't know if it was okay to come tonight.", the blonde confessed, biting her lip in nervousness.
The maid raised her eyebrows in a silent question but Mary was way too nervous to guess it.
"Why wouldn't it be okay? I love your company. You know that."
The younger woman shrugged in dismissal, feeling stupid for thinking something had changed between them because of a storybook.
Well, something had obviously changed for her but that was because she wasn't normal. There was no way she was after having all those improper thoughts about her female maid.
At least Eleanor was proper. There was nothing wrong with her.
Mary tried to convince herself that it was a good thing her outrageous feelings were one-sided. She didn't want the maid to burn in hell along with her.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just thought you wouldn't want to see me after I made you read...that.", her voice cracked a few times and she took a deep breath to calm herself.
"Made me read what?"
So that's what this was. Eleanor was straight up pretending that last night's occurrences hadn't happened at all.
She was ashamed of what she had read.
Mary felt sick to her stomach for assuming the brunette had had equally sinful ideas about their friendship.
She lowered her gaze to the floor, not able to face the maid anymore.
After a few seconds of silence, she heard Eleanor approaching her.
"Mary, what's the matter?", the maid pleaded, her voice above a whisper.
The younger woman finally raised her head but kept her eyes away from the brunette's piercing stare.
"I know that tale you read to me was despicable. I should have never made you read it. I didn't know what it was about, I swear.", she desperately tried to condemn herself so she could apologize right after.
"And I need to confess something before I apologize for my actions, because otherwise, the Lord will not forgive me.", she felt moisture gathering in her eyes and she knew she was going to break in front of the maid.
Eleanor just stared at her in stillness, waiting for her next words.
"I've thought unethically. I've sinned before the eyes of God and before you. I've had immoral ideas about us, like the ones written in that damned book . I'm sorry for betraying our friendship and mindlessly corrupting you-even if it was just in my head. ", she said in a breath, letting her tears fall in front of the brunette.
"Mary-"
"I understand if you are disgusted by me and do not want to see me again. But please, forgive me."
"Mary!", Eleanor interrupted.
The blonde had never heard her voice so clearly before.
"I'm sorry.", she repeated, blinking rapidly to clear her blurry eyes.
The maid touched her shoulders, pulling her close until they were so close their noses brushed against each other.
Mary was stunned.
She had been expecting the brunette to push her away in repulsion, to tell her parents about her ideas.
But instead, they were caught up in each other's personal space.
"I don't know what exactly you're apologizing for. But it's really foolish.", Eleanor gently wiped a tear from Mary's cheek, making her heart stop.
"What?", the blonde asked in drowsiness.
"You didn't make me read anything. You didn't corrupt me and I am not disgusted by you."
"You're not?", the younger woman asked in a small voice, finally making eye contact with the maid.
Eleanor caressed the blonde's cheeks and hair, looking at her so affectionately that Mary thought her heart would explode at any minute.
"How could I be?", the brunette whispered, slowly leaning in and leaving the tiniest peck on Mary's trembling lips. "You're my Mary."
The younger woman's eyes widened, blooms erupting in her stomach.
She had just been kissed. Like in the fairytales.
Her maid's cold lips had touched hers just for a brief moment, a moment that had the blonde convinced that her heart had stopped.
It wasn't a prince that had kissed her, it wasn't a handsome man.
It was a servant; a pale, tormented girl who suddenly seemed to mean the entire universe to Mary.
She knew love was not supposed to look like this, she knew it was a sin.
Nonetheless, she was certain no prince could ever replace what she was feeling right now inside her maid's arms.
Nothing else mattered.
...
Things had changed.
Visibly so.
Winter had already arrived when a small feather touch gave their affection away.
The weather was cold and humid on a dull Sunday of December.
Randolph and Agnes had just arrived home with their family after church and were ready to have lunch.
Eleanor was preparing the tremendous table and dining room to please the family's guests-Randolph's mother and brother along with his nephews.
They all cherished and respected Sunday as the Lord's day, ideal to invite family and show your gratitude for everything God has given you.
Mary went up to her bedroom and took her church attire off. She replaced it with a white elegant dress her grandmother had gifted her.
Before she had the time to put her gloves on, a small knock on her door interrupted her.
"Come in."
The door opened and a weary-looking Eleanor entered the room.
Mary saw her beloved's reflection in her silver mirror and turned around with a striking smile on her face.
"You are back.", the brunette mumbled, approaching the younger woman, her dark green eyes glowing in the fresh morning light.
"I am.", Mary leaned in, tilting her forehead against her lover's.
The maid exhaled in satisfaction, brushing her fingers against the blonde's velvet skin.
Abruptly, the door opened before the pair had time to part and someone let out a loud gasp, alarmed by the view.
Mary saw Agnes looking at them in both confusion and anguish, presumably trying to understand what she had just seen.
"Mother...", she said slowly, her palms sweating and making the gloves uncomfortable to hold.
"Come downstairs. Your grandmother is here.", the woman whispered quickly, but her mind appeared to be elsewhere.
Eleanor had an expression of absolute panic.
"I'll be there shortly. Eleanor was helping me put on my gloves.", with trembling hands, Mary gave the materials to the maid who took them almost mechanically.
Agnes stared at them for a bit and then kissed the cross she had around her neck.
"Be quick.", she said harshly and left, leaving the door open.
Mary let herself breathe, grabbing the maid's hands quickly.
"What if she tells-"
"She won't.", the blonde assured herself more than Eleanor whose hands were still shaking.
Mary didn't know it then, but that small mistake they had made would eventually cost them more than they had ever imagined.