Work Text:
The first sign that something was not right with Ianto appeared after they had returned to the hub. It had been a long trip home, but before anyone left to go to their own homes and attempt to sleep away the memories of what had happened in the Brecon Beacons, they all sat at their desks and completed their reports, wanting to forget about it all as soon as they possibly could. Jack was sitting in his office compiling all the reports and finishing writing his own much longer one, as the boss his paperwork amounted to a lot more than what the rest of the team had to complete, when he glanced at his watch and noticed the time. It was nearing midnight and he was pretty sure he was alone as there had been no sounds of life to be heard since Ianto had entered his office a few hours earlier handing him a pile of folders and a cup simply stating, ‘the teams reports and some coffee sir,’ to which Jack just nodded without looking up before Ianto left. He had assumed that by then everyone had left without saying a word and that Ianto would have left as soon as the report had been placed on Jack’s desk, so he got up and stretched, grabbed his coffee cup, and headed to the little kitchen area to make a fresh cup to get him through the rest of his work. It wasn’t until Jack had managed to make himself a cup of coffee (which took longer than he will ever admit as he struggled with the machine a bit) and was walking back to his office when he heard a noise, small and quiet and gone before he could pinpoint what it might be. Pausing Jack looked around the main area of the hub for any sign of where the noise was coming from, but he couldn’t see anything. Stepping up to the closest computer Jack scanned all the CCTV footage, searching for any explanation, when he saw the current images coming from the meeting room. The footage showed Ianto sitting on the floor in the corner, his head resting on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs as he pulled himself into the tightest ball he could possibly manage. From the movement that was visible in his shoulders Jack was fairly certain that Ianto was crying, connecting the movement to the noise that had originally gotten his attention, and upon turning on the sound for a moment had his previous deductions confirmed. Ianto was indeed crying quietly on the floor.
Forgetting all about his coffee and the paperwork he still had left to finish and file, Jack walked up the stairs as quickly and quietly as he could, entering the meeting room in silence and walking over till he was standing in front of Ianto. Being much closer now it was clear that Ianto wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing so fiercely that his entire body was shaking with the force of it. Jack squatted down in front of Ianto as best he could, considering the type of pants he was wearing, and gently placed a hand on Ianto’s shoulder. Ianto jolted in surprise, his whole body jerking out from under Jack’s touch and trying to push himself as far away as he could in the small amount of space he was in, pressing his body back against the wall as hard as was physically possible for him to do.
“Ianto?” Jack questioned, growing even more concerned at Ianto’s reaction to him. “Are you okay?”
Ianto just continued to stare at Jack as though terrified of him and Jack, finding his position to be increasingly uncomfortable and unbalanced, moved until he was sitting against the wall next to Ianto instead, noticing the way that Ianto’s eyes followed every single minute movement as though waiting for the right moment to make his escape. For the moment Jack could see that Ianto’s tears had stopped, but he still hadn’t answered.
“Ianto?” Jack asked quietly, the silence scaring him more than anything now.
Ianto continued to stare for a moment and Jack was just about to demand an answer when fresh tears started to fall down Ianto’s face and he crumbled, his body curling into Jack’s in a clear sign of needing comfort.
“No Jack, I’m not okay.” He said through his tears as he leaned his head on Jack’s shoulder, one hand gripping the front of Jack’s shirt tightly and the sobs starting up again, shaking them both with their force.
Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto and held him tighter to his own body, trying his best to comfort the man that had been mere seconds from being bled out earlier. “It’s okay.” He whispered softly, letting Ianto cry as much as he needed to. “You’re safe now. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”
Ianto cried harder at Jack’s words, feeling safer within Jack’s arms but still unable to forget what had happened to him, or the fear he had felt, not just for himself but also for his team, his friends. Even with Jack’s scent being so close and strong, he could still smell the blood and flesh from the room where the townspeople ‘prepared’ their victims to be eaten, could still feel the blade against his throat and the hand pulling his head back. It took about an hour before Ianto had managed to stop his tears, and by then he felt even more exhausted than he had been before their return to the hub, and eventually he fell asleep, still wrapped up in Jack’s arms as his boss soothed him. When Jack felt Ianto’s breathing slow down and even out he looked down to see Ianto asleep on his shoulder and decided that he would be more comfortable sleeping on the couch in the main area of the hub than on the floor where they were currently placed. He briefly considered putting Ianto into his own bed, but there was no way he would get him down the ladder into his room without waking him up, it would be impossible. Doing his best not to wake him, Jack managed to maneuver Ianto gently down the stairs and onto the couch, grabbing a blanket off his own bed and placing it over him, hoping that when Ianto woke up he would be feeling better.
Making a quick choice, Jack grabbed his files from his office and sat in the chair near the couch to finish his report, sending a quick message to Owen, Tosh and Gwen when he had finished telling them to take the day off and he would call them all if anything happened that required their assistance. Soon enough even Jack fell into a light dose, not quite fully asleep but not quite fully conscious either, just enough to get some rest whilst also being on alert for anything that might occur during the early hours of the morning. It was only a few hours later when he was jolted back into full consciousness by something, something that took a few moments for him to determine before he was on his feet and moving to Ianto’s side as swiftly as he could. Ianto was clearly having a nightmare, thrashing his body around on the couch, the blanket that Jack had placed over him earlier thrown away, his small cries for help the only sound breaking the silence.
“Ianto.” Jack said quietly, hoping to wake him from the nightmare without scaring him, but not succeeding. Placing his hands gently on Ianto’s shoulders and shaking lightly Jack called his name again, getting a response this time.
Ianto’s eyes flew open as he screamed, “NOOO!!” and threw his arm out, accidently punching Jack in the mouth as he did so, causing Jack to pull his hands away and place one to his own face. “Jack?” Ianto asked, when he had regained enough sense to understand what was happening, that he was awake inside the hub with Jack, no one else around and no one trying to kill him. “God, Jack I’m so sorry.” Ianto said, getting up and moving to make sure Jack was okay, prying his hand from his face so he could see what damage he might have caused.
“I’m okay Ianto.” Jack said, knowing that within minutes he would be all healed and fine anyway, even if Ianto had managed to break the skin or even a bone.
“I didn’t mean to punch you. I’m so sorry.” Ianto was adding guilt to the long list of emotions that he currently had flowing through him.
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to.” Jack reassured him, hoping that Ianto would believe his words instead of being so hard on himself. “Are you feeling any better after some sleep?” Jack asked him instead, drifting back into protective mode and wanting to make sure that Ianto was alright.
“A little.” Ianto replied, looking as though he wasn’t exactly telling the truth. “Although I think a long hot shower might help as well.”
Jack nodded, noticing that Ianto was still dressed in the same jeans and jacket he had been wearing in the country and that they probably smelled like the room wear Jack had shot the townspeople. “I’ll drive you home.” He offered, immediately noticing the reluctance in Ianto’s expression. “Don’t even try and argue with me, you are not going by yourself, and I don’t want you driving.” Seeing Ianto’s shoulders sag he knew that he wasn’t going to argue back. “Come on, lets go.”
Jack and Ianto headed up to the little tourist shop, making sure it was definitely obvious to anyone looking that the shop was closed, and walked to the SUV, Jack climbing in behind the wheel whilst Ianto climbed into the passenger seat. The drive to Ianto’s flat was silent, both men appearing to be locked inside their own heads with their thoughts so much that they didn’t even realise they were at Ianto’s flat until they had been sitting outside it in the car for about ten minutes.
When Ianto noticed he shook his head to clear it of what he had been thinking and turned to look at Jack in surprise when he heard the car door opening and saw his boss exiting it. Quickly getting out himself he still had no idea what Jack was doing as he walked up to the door and just stood there, turning back to look at Ianto with a raised eyebrow as though expecting something.
“You just going to stand there, or are you going to open the door?” Jack asked, smirking slightly as Ianto stumbled forward, digging through his pocket for his keys.
“You know you don’t have to come in right?” Ianto said, not looking up from the lock as he said it.
“I know. But I want to make sure you are alright.”
When Ianto got the door open he walked in, leaving it open behind him so Jack could walk in as well. Not bothering to say anything Ianto simply walked straight to his bedroom, stripping off his clothes, then proceeding into the bathroom to take the hottest shower of his life. Jack waited in the hall after shutting the front door until he heard the bathroom door close, then he walked into Ianto’s room, gathered up all the discarded clothing and took it into the kitchen where he found a plastic bag to put it all in. Jack tied the bag up and sat on the couch to wait for Ianto, flipping through the tv to see if there was anything on as he waited. It was roughly ten minutes later when Ianto emerged into the living room in a loose t-shirt, tracksuit pants and bare feet, his hair dripping slightly and leaving darker patches on his shoulders.
“Umm Jack?” He asked, getting the captain’s attention away from the tv and receiving a slight noise to indicate he had been heard. “Did you take my clothes?” Ianto felt awkward asking, but they weren’t on the floor where he had left them.
“Yes.” Was all Jack said in reply.
“Why?”
“Because of the smell on them. It would take a lot of washing to remove it and I figured the memories that would come with that smell would be unpleasant.” Jack explained, still not looking up at Ianto until he grabbed the bag of clothes from the floor at his feet. “Unless you want to keep them, but I was going to just burn them.” Jack watched as Ianto shuddered at his mention of keeping the clothes. “Just what I thought.”
“Fine, burn them. They were my only pair of jeans though, I guess I will have to buy a new pair now.” Ianto spoke quietly, as though he was only talking to himself and not intending Jack to hear him at all. Ianto sat down on the other end of the sofa to Jack, staring absently at the tv, clearly not seeing what was actually there, pretty soon though he started to doze off again, having not gotten much sleep in the hub.
“Hey Ianto, maybe you should go get some sleep.” Jack suggested, turning the tv off and looking at Ianto.
Ianto looked down at his watch and shook his head. “No I’m fine, besides I need to be back at work soon anyway.”
“No you don’t. You’re taking the day off. I already told the rest to do that as well. I’ll call everyone if anything urgent comes up otherwise don’t come in until tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. You all need some rest after what happened. Go get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jack stood up, grabbed the bag and walked to the front door. Ianto followed and nothing more was said as Jack left, and Ianto crawled into his bed hoping his level of exhaustion would provide a dreamless sleep, even if only for a few hours.
Over the next few weeks Jack watched his team closely, looking for any signs that any of them might need some help coping. For the most part they seemed okay. Gwen and Owen seemed to have found comfort and solace in each other, something they tried to hide desperately from the team, but that Jack could see. Tosh had thrown herself into her work, working even harder than ever on developing the rift monitor so they could hopefully get to a point where it would alert them to activity before it happened. Ianto was different though. He didn’t seem to be coping at all, instead retreating into himself even more than he already did, spending more and more of the day in the little tourist shop, only coming down into the hub a few times a day to make coffee, deliver food or clean up some rubbish. He thought no one knew, but Jack had noticed on many occasions on the security cameras that when Ianto said he was going home for the night, he actually went into the archives where he had set up a makeshift bed instead. When they had alien or rift activity to deal with he was even worse, mostly choosing to stay back in the hub and monitor the situation from there, which wasn’t much different to what he had always done before their trip to the Brecon Beacons, except that he had started to get out into the field a little bit before that, and now he doesn’t even try and convince Jack to let him join them.
The first time he joined the team on a case he had seemed jumpy through most of it, jerking at things that never would have bothered him before. When they had cornered the alien threat, a particularly nasty one that was ready to use its own dangerous appendages as weapons, its venom able to both paralyze and kill, depending on what its intentions were. The alien had managed to grab Jack and was using him as a hostage, its venomous claws pressed to his neck, ready to use in order to get out of the situation. As Gwen, Owen and Tosh all grabbed their guns and aimed them at the alien Ianto froze. He knew he should pull his own gun, he knew he needed to as without it he was an easy target, especially as the alien used another limb to get Jack’s gun from him and was now waving it at them before settling his aim on Ianto, clearly seeing that he would be the easiest one to shoot at the present time. Everything around Ianto went silent. He knew there was a lot of yelling going on, the alien yelling its demands, Gwen, Tosh and Owen demanding it release Jack, and Jack trying to talk the alien down, but Ianto couldn’t hear any of it. The second the guns had been drawn Ianto found himself back in the small country town, his hands bound behind his back, kneeling on a hard wooden floor, a meat clever pressed against his throat, the smell of blood and rotting flesh so strong. Realistically he knew he wasn’t there, knew that what he was seeing, feeling and smelling wasn’t real, but he couldn’t stop the reaction his body was having. His heart was beating fast, his breathing speeding up to the point of hyperventilation. His knees collapsed under him, suddenly unable to hold him up, but before he hit the stone underneath him he was caught, a pair of strong arms holding him. Whilst Ianto had been starting to panic and relive awful memories, time passing in a way he couldn’t recognize, the team had managing to kill the alien and had been trying to talk to Ianto, the latter being unable to hear them up until now.
“Ianto?” Gwen called out to him, concerned about her team member, her friend.
“He’s having a panic attack.” Ianto heard Owen say, his voice muffled as if he was talking from a faraway distance. “I need you guys to give him space.” Owen instructed, kneeling down in front of Ianto and starting to try and coach him through breathing to attempt to stop the hyperventilating and calm him down. Ianto tried to follow Owen’s instructions, breathing in time with him. “Ianto breath in deeply, hold for three seconds then breath out again okay? Just breath with me, copy what I do.”
Ianto was shocked by the way Owen was treating him. It wasn’t as if Owen was normally mean or cruel to him or anything, he had just never been quite this nice before and something about it was helping calm Ianto down. The other thing that was calming him down was the feel of Jack behind him, still holding him, his strong body a solid line behind Ianto that had a comforting scent that bought Ianto completely back into the present. When his breathing was back under control Owen patted his shoulder comfortingly, then moved over to collect some samples from the dead alien to study and add to the database. Tosh and Gwen smiled at him warmly and went to help Owen with removing the body once the samples had been collected. Ianto shifted slightly so that he could see Jack and tried to smile when he saw the concern on his boss’s face. Jack opened his mouth to say something, but Ianto stopped him before he could.
“Can we please not talk about this here?” He pleaded, not wanting the rest of the team to hear them.
Jack nodded and helped Ianto to his feet, them both getting into the SUV where the rest of the team was now waiting for them and heading back to the hub. Jack, Owen, Tosh and Gwen were all talking quietly about the alien all the way into the main area of the hub where they separated into their separate area’s; Owen into the autopsy area where he started to study the alien, Tosh to her computer where she accessed their alien database and started to enter the details they already knew about the latest alien, Gwen packed away the weapons in the weapons room and rang to order some pizza’s for them to eat, Jack headed to his office and started to examine the alien technology they had retrieved from the dead body, and Ianto entered the kitchen to prepare coffee for everyone, moving up to the tourist front when he was finished to hide from the rest of the team. Soon the pizza’s arrived and Ianto accepted them from the delivery girl with a smile, as always ignoring the flirting that was directed at him, and then heading back down to the main hub area where everyone was waiting for the food. For now most of the work was done, the stuff that was left being things they could finish in the morning, so instead of finishing they decided to meet in the meeting room to eat, putting a stupid movie on the screen and laughing together as they ate and watched. When the movie finished the team separated back to what they had been doing before and Ianto cleaned up the room. Just as he was about to exit the hub again he heard his name being called.
“Ianto.” Jack was standing in his office door, staring at Ianto and waiting for a response.
“Can I do something for you sir?” Ianto asked, automatically reverting to professional mode.
“Can I see you in my office?” Jack asked, leaving no room for Ianto to actually refuse the request.
“In a minute sir, I just need to throw the trash out first.”
Jack nodded and walked back into his office, allowing Ianto to finish up his job before he walked to the office and knocked on the door. When Jack looked up from his papers and smiled Ianto stepped into the office, closing the door behind him, as he had a very good idea where this conversation was going and didn’t want to be overheard. When he turned around Jack had gotten up from his chair and was moving around his desk to sit on it and face the chair in front of him. Seeing Jack’s intention, Ianto walked over to the chair and sat down, looking at his hands which he had placed in his lap.
“Ianto, we need to talk about what happened this evening.”
Ianto sighed in resignation; he didn’t really want to talk about it. “Okay.”
“It appears that everyone else on the team has found a way to cope with what happened in the Brecon Beacons and as much as they may not be the most conventional and somewhat even unhealthy for them means of coping, they seem to be working either way. However it is quite clear that you are not coping at all Ianto, and I’m getting really worried about you.” Jack paused in his speech to try and catch Ianto’s eye so that he could convey with more than just words exactly how worried he in fact was, but Ianto was refusing to look up, focusing all his attention on his hands until he noticed a second pair of hands were now resting gently on top of his. Looking up for the first time since he had sat down, Ianto saw that Jack was no longer leaning against his desk and was instead kneeling on the floor in front of Ianto’s chair, Ianto’s hands under his own. “Ianto, I’m scared that what happened tonight is going to keep happening when we are out dealing with aliens, and I’m not going to be able to concentrate properly if I have to keep looking over my shoulder to see if you are managing to hold it together or not. It’s not just putting you in danger but the rest of the team as well.”
There were tears starting to well up in Ianto’s eyes, and if he blinked now they would start to roll down his cheeks so instead he looked towards the ceiling and willed himself not to cry in front of Jack, not again. He was already being perceived as the weak link and he hated that. When he was sure the tears weren’t going to overflow Ianto looked back down at Jack and saw a small, warm smile on his face along with a reassuring expression. Jack wasn’t angry at Ianto for being traumatized, he was merely concerned about his wellbeing and wanted to help him.
“Every single member of this team had a different event cause them trauma out there. Gwen was shot, Toshiko was strangled, Owen was almost shot, and you were a second from being bled out alive.”
Ianto flinched. “What about you?” He wanted to divert the conversation away from himself even if just for a few minutes.
Jack took a deep breath and looked at where the two men’s hands were joined. “I saw a side of humanity that I didn’t know existed, and I thought I had seen every possible side of that dice. I’m the reason why you all got hurt in the first place.”
“Jack…”
“No Ianto, I am. If it wasn’t for me none of you would have even been there, so I’m living with my own guilt. But I can handle it, and apparently so can everyone else, but you can’t. This is not a punishment Ianto, I promise, but I want you to take some time off.” Ianto started to interrupt this time, but Jack didn’t let him. “A week Ianto. Take the time and try to find a coping mechanism, I don’t care what you choose, but find something. Right now you are vulnerable and unprotected which could get you killed, and no one here wants that to happen.”
Ianto nodded slightly even though he was not at all happy about Jack’s decision. He didn’t think time off was going to help, honestly he was positive it wasn’t, as being completely alone, especially at night, was when he was at his worst, but he couldn’t see any point in arguing with Jack about it. His boss’s mind was made up and he had probably already filled in the appropriate paperwork for the leave of absence anyway before Ianto had even entered his office.
“Yes sir.” Was all Ianto could think to say, standing up and walking to the door but being stopped by Jack’s hand on the door before he got a chance to open it.
“If you need anything please call me Ianto, anytime day or night.” Jack looked so earnest that Ianto could only agree before exiting the office and heading out of the hub without saying goodbye to anyone, leaving for his week off now and not looking forward to it.
The first two days into Ianto’s week off had been mostly uneventful. He had tried to keep as busy as possible, doing some cleaning, sorting and DIY around his flat that had been neglected for much too long due to how much time he spent at Torchwood, but after a day that was all done, so he moved onto reading to pass the time instead. It had been a while since he had had a chance to just enjoy a book, and he had a large stack that he had intended to read but just never gotten around to. Over those first two days Ianto had managed to stay awake, not getting any sleep at all, as every time he closed his eyes he had nightmares that left him shaking and sweating when he woke up. But after two days of being awake his body was fighting against him and when he was sitting on his bed reading he had drifted off, his book still open in his hands as he had done so. For the first time since the horrible events in the country his nightmares changed. Instead of just reliving the events of what had actually happened things were different, and that made the nightmare even more terrifying. In his nightmare as always Ianto saw himself bound and helpless, kneeling with a hand pulling his head back to expose his neck where a large meat clever, covered in someone else’s dried blood, was pressed against him enough that a little blood was trickling down his neck from the small cut that had already been made by the sharp blade. When Ianto looked up though he screamed when he saw the person holding the knife was Tosh and she was smiling with obvious enjoyment at the fear Ianto was expressing. Unable to bear looking into his friends face Ianto looked around the room he was in, suddenly recognizing it as the Torchwood hub, and stopped when he saw Jack kneeling opposite him in the same way he was, Gwen being the one to hold a clever to his throat though. When a movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention Ianto looked around to see Owen standing nearby and was about to call to him for help when he saw the smile on his face that matched the one on Tosh’s face. Ianto’s attention was drawn back to Jack when he heard him speaking, messing with their team and making them angry in what Ianto assumed was an attempt to make them angry enough to mess up so he could get free and save himself and Ianto, but it had the opposite effect and instead Gwen pressed her clever harder against his neck, Ianto able to see the first sign of injury as a small trickle of blood fell down his neck. Jack clenched his teeth against the slight pain but refused to give them any enjoyment by screaming out his pain, so Gwen pressed harder. By then Ianto was no longer able to hold himself quiet though and screamed at them all to take him instead, do anything they wanted to him but to leave Jack alone. This only caused them all to laugh as Gwen continued her slow onslaught of cutting open Jack’s throat and letting him bleed. Around the time that Jack slumped to the ground, his body twitching slightly as he bled out, Ianto heard his name being called quite loud, but no one in the hub was calling him.
“IANTO!”
Jolting upright very fast Ianto almost head butted a figure looming over him in the dim light of his bedside lamp, a scream still coming out of his mouth, the last thing he had screamed inside his dream. “JACK!!”
“Ianto, hey it’s okay, you’re alright, it was just a nightmare.” Jack had his hands on Ianto’s face, trying to get Ianto to focus on him instead of what he had been dreaming about.
“Jack?” Ianto questioned, trying to distinguish reality from his nightmare and wondering why Jack was in his bedroom, sitting on his bed next to him, but noticing that he was gripping one of Jack’s forearms very tightly within his hand.
“Yeah, it’s me, I’m right here.”
“Why are you here?” Ianto was struggling to get his words out a little as he was breathing very heavily, almost at a state of panic again, something that Jack was starting to notice as Ianto’s breathing was continuing to speed up.
“Ianto, I’m going to need you to breath for me. Remember what Owen told you, breathe in deeply, hold for three seconds then breathe out.” Jack could see Ianto was trying to do so, but he was struggling. “I’ll breathe with you, follow me okay?”
Ianto nodded and managed to calm down his breathing by following Jack through the breathing techniques, until he was breathing almost completely normally again, and he remembered the last question he had asked and received no answer to. “Why are you here Jack?”
“You called me.”
“What? No I didn’t.” Ianto was very confused, he hadn’t touched his phone all day.
“Yes you did. You must have been asleep still when you did it, but you were screaming a lot, so I got here as fast as possible. When I got here you were screaming my name over and over, occasionally adding a ‘no’ or a ‘why’ in there as well. What was the nightmare about?”
Ianto gulped, not sure he could repeat it, but feeling that perhaps talking about it might just help him a bit. “It was sort of the same thing that happened in the country but also different.” He tried to explain.
“What do you mean?” Jack questioned.
“Well I was in the same position I had been in just before you burst through the wall on the tractor, but Tosh was the one holding the clever to my throat, and you were opposite me in the same position with Gwen holding your clever as Owen just stood nearby and laughed. Ohh and we were in the hub instead of the country house. As I watched they slowly cut your throat open and bled you out in front of me. Even once you were unconscious your body just kept twitching. I guess that was why I was screaming your name, because I was screaming for you in the nightmare.”
Looking down at his bed and refusing to meet Jack’s eyes Ianto missed the expressions on Jack’s face as he had been explaining his nightmare. Firstly there had been fear, fear for Ianto himself. Ianto’s nightmares about the events in the country changing to include his own team as the cannibals from that town killing him showed just how bad his mental state was at the moment. Most people wouldn’t normally dream of the only people they can actually trust killing them. The second emotion to cross Jack’s face had been concern, severe concern as even though Ianto had been asleep when Jack had arrived he still looked exhausted, so exhausted that Jack was starting to wonder when the last time Ianto had actually slept properly was. And the third was one he tried to disguise but didn’t think he had done a good job of, was a slight adoration for the young man. He had never dreamed that Ianto would care that much about him if he was dying, especially not since the events with Lisa, and it came as a slight shock to learn that.
“Ianto.” Jack said quietly, not continuing until Ianto was looking at him once again. “I know that is a horrible thing to see, but you know that the team would never do that right?”
Ianto nodded slightly, barely moving his head as he did so. “I know that Jack, of course I know that. But that doesn’t stop me from seeing it, and not just tonight either. It’s the first time they have appeared in my nightmares that way, but every time I see them or even you take out a weapon at work I freeze, and my mind supplies images of whoever it is using that weapon to hurt me.”
“PTSD.” Jack muttered quietly to himself, not intending for Ianto to hear him.
“What?”
“Umm PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s what you’re dealing with right now Ianto, and I really think you need some professional help to get through it.” Jack explained.
Ianto actually laughed, well sort of. It was more of a bark of humor than a real laugh. “Right, I’ll just call the local shrink and tell them all about how we were hunting aliens in a small country town that turned out to be human cannibals who tried to kill me for dinner. Because it’s not like anyone would commit me to a psych ward if I told them that.” Ianto got off his bed and headed to the bathroom to wash his face as he was covered in a sheen of sweat from his nightmare. He could really use a shower as well but decided against it for the moment as Jack was still sitting on his bed and he didn’t feel all that comfortable having a shower knowing he was so close by. When he returned to the bedroom Jack was looking resigned.
“I’m sorry Ianto, I didn’t think of it that way.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just push through it until I can handle it all better. I don’t need any help.”
“No, you’re not doing that. It’s not a good idea and when was the last time you slept for more than a nap?” Jack changed where his words were going to go when he saw Ianto yawn, his hands rubbing at his eyes in an adorable child-like way.
Ianto looked around his room searching for an escape and when he didn’t find one he sighed and gave in, telling Jack what he wanted to know. “Before the country.”
“Seriously?!” Jack almost yelled his voice was so loud. “You haven’t actually slept in about a month?”
Ianto nodded. “I only ever get about two hours a night before the nightmares hit and I wake up screaming and can’t get back to sleep again.”
Jack let out a long breath, looking genuinely angry. “How are you even functioning on that little sleep. Actually scrap that, you’re not functioning, everyone can see that. How can we fix this Ianto?”
“I don’t know Jack.” Ianto sat back on his bed feeling defeated. “I know I need help, but what can I do? I can’t tell normal people about this, I can only talk to the rest of the team, but I don’t know how to talk to them, I don’t even feel like they trust me anymore.”
Jack nodded in understanding. “You can talk to me.” He suggested, then an idea hit him. “How about we make arrangements to meet once or twice a week and just talk?”
Ianto looked up in shock, unable to believe that his boss would care about him enough to want to talk to him and help him with his current problems. “You would want to help me that way?” He questioned, needing to hear Jack’s answer before he agreed to anything.
“Of course I would Ianto. You’re my friend and I want to help you. Will you let me help you?”
“Okay.” Ianto said.
“Okay?” Jack asked to be sure.
“Okay. I will let you help me.” Despite all that had happened recently Ianto managed a small smile when he saw Jack light up at his agreeance.
“Great. Now you need to get some sleep though.”
“I don’t think I can. Usually once I wake from a nightmare I don’t sleep again.” Ianto said.
“Can you at least try?” Jack asked. Ianto looked hesitant, so Jack tried a different tactic. “What if I stay here tonight, would that help.”
Ianto shifted. He hadn’t spent the night with another person inside his flat since before the battle of Canary Wharf when he had been with Lisa. “I’m not sure. It’s been so long since I’ve spent a night with anyone that I don’t know if it would help.”
“I could stay anyway, then if you had anymore nightmares I could help you through them.” Jack suggested.
Ianto nodded in agreement. He didn’t want to make Jack spend the night on a couch, but he didn’t have a spare room in his flat so there weren’t really any other options apart from his bed. “I don’t have a spare room though so there is only my bed or…” Ianto didn’t get a chance to finish.
“The couch will be fine Ianto.” Jack said with a small smirk that suggested meaning behind his words that Ianto didn’t understand. Obviously Jack wasn’t worried about staying on the couch as he didn’t intend to sleep at all and therefore would probably end up passing the time just sitting and reading, discovering some more information about the elusive Ianto Jones as he did so based on the types of novels he chose to surround himself with, or watching tv. Truth be told, Jack would probably only do that for a little bit, just until Ianto was asleep, then he would most likely snoop around the flat a bit, not only learning things about Ianto himself, but also the extent of his PTSD in order to be able to help him through it.
Ianto was still looking unhappy about the idea of Jack sleeping on his couch, it wasn’t exactly designed for that and therefore could be quite uncomfortable after a night on it. Something that Ianto had discovered not long after moving in when he had passed out in front of the tv following a very long and tiring day at work. However he had discovered early on in his job at Torchwood Three that Jack Harkness was a very stubborn man, and aside from forcibly removing him, Ianto could see no way of making Jack leave his flat before the sun was up at the earliest.
“Okay then, but I promise you it’s not comfortable to sleep on that couch.” Ianto warned as he wriggled under his covers and punched his pillow into a better position, yawning as he did so.
“Get some sleep Ianto and if a nightmare wakes you up call me in.” Jack got up and left the room without waiting for a response, leaving Ianto to shut his eyes and try and conjure up a more pleasant image to try and fall asleep too, his body quickly beating his mind though as his exhaustion took over and he fell asleep, snoring lightly the deeper he fell into his unconscious.
Jack wandered down the short hall to the living room and plopped down into the couch, automatically reaching for the remote on the coffee table in front of him and switching the tv on, propping his feet up on the table and making a mental note to wipe it down before Ianto woke so he wouldn’t know. It didn’t take long before Jack could hear the soft sounds of snoring floating out from Ianto’s room. Muting the tv so that he would be able to hear if Ianto awoke suddenly from his sleep, Jack got up and moved around the apartment, having a look through the rather small number of belongings that Ianto Jones kept. He started with the bookcase, shifting through the titles of the novels and textbooks as he searched, reviling different sides of the personality that Ianto had always managed to keep so securely locked away from the world, or perhaps just his work colleagues, as some books had messages written in them for birthdays and Christmas’ that showed other’s knew what sort of books he would like. As he looked through the titles Jack found some books that seemed to fit the little bits of Ianto that he knew, whereas some were completely surprising. A few made Jack chuckle. He never would have guessed that Ianto would be into science fiction novels, but the few he found were clearly well-loved judging by the condition of the spines. The most amusing one made Jack laugh so loud that for a moment he was worried that the sound would wake Ianto, but luckily the snoring continued, was a book on Pterodactyl care. It was clear to Jack that after Torchwood Three, due to the efforts of Jack and Ianto, had acquired Myfanwy that Ianto had done a lot of research as to how to care for her properly. How much of everything that he had read was actually true was a mystery, but at least he had tried.
Once he had finished with the bookshelf Jack moved into the kitchen and searched through the fridge, slightly surprised by what he found. He knew from seeing Ianto eat at the hub that the man certainly had no problem eating meat, but he could find no trace in the fridge, in fact the smell coming from it suggested that it had been cleaned very recently, most likely even that very day, and it was essentially empty apart from a loaf of bread, a few bottles of water, a pint of milk and a tub of butter. Checking around a little more Jack discovered some meat in the bin, along with the evidence of cleaning. Jack sighed, no matter how much was actually obvious in Ianto’s suffering, there was so much more that he had kept hidden from everyone, one of those such things was apparently his new inability to stand meat, something that now Jack really thought about had been happening for a while, Ianto avoiding meat whenever they ordered food to eat on long nights at work, sometimes even going as far as not eating with the rest of the team at all or possibly even just not eating. Jack made another mental note to ask Ianto about his current eating habits once he had woken up in the morning.
For the next hour Jack wandered around the flat exploring other aspects of Ianto’s life that he had honestly never even considered before this night. Through the photos and knick knacks that showed Ianto from a baby up until he was at Torchwood One, Jack managed to piece together quite a bit about the young archivist’s life from before he joined Torchwood Three.
Once he had finished exploring, Jack sat back down and flicked through the tv channels again to see if there was anything interesting on to watch. At the current hour of the night most of what was on tv was home shopping options, which naturally held absolutely no interest to Jack. Eventually he came across a sports channel that was playing some football game that he hadn’t seen so he settled on watching that. A few times during the night Jack heard loud murmurs coming from Ianto’s room and went in to see Ianto starting to thrash around on the bed, clearly experiencing nightmares, but when Jack placed a comforting hand on his arm he instantly settled down and appeared to have moved past the nightmares for a little bit. As the night wore on Jack started to dose off a little bit himself, never managing to fully sink into unconsciousness.
When morning came, Ianto woke and momentarily forgot what had happened the previous night until he got up to make some coffee and found his boss lying on his couch, a sight he would continue to see every morning for three more days as Jack started showing up at Ianto’s place each night to make sure he got through the night okay. For the first time since the Brecon Beacons Ianto had been sleeping all night and actually felt rested and awake each day.
Upon returning to work Ianto noticed Jack keeping a close eye on him, and occasionally caught the other members of Torchwood Three watching him as well. As much as it made him very self-conscious to feel their eyes on him, he understood exactly why. It was more disconcerting in the hub, because there was no threat there to cause a panic attack or a breakdown. Out in the street of Cardiff it made more sense, as that was where the danger was.
Over the next few months Ianto was slowly getting better at dealing with his trauma due to his bi-weekly meetings with Jack. He very rarely had nightmares anymore and was handling his fear of weapons as well. He no longer got panic attacks upon seeing weapons being drawn, only having an attack if said weapons were ever pointed at him or he was passed a weapon to hold himself. As much as Jack tried to schedule regular meetings, things didn’t always go to plan with their jobs, therefore in order to fit in two meetings a week they sometimes had to meet two days in a row. Typically they spent one meeting just talking, discussing any nightmares that Ianto may have had that week along with what still causes him to have panic attacks and figuring out if there are any ways that they can stop the attacks. In the other meeting they mostly just hung out together, watching a movie, playing a game, sometimes just eating a meal together in silence.
The following Friday evening Ianto was getting finished up with his cleaning, making sure all the coffee mugs and take out cartons were removed from all desks and tables, before his scheduled meeting with Jack. By this time of night the rest of the team had already left for the night, desperate to start their weekend in case the Friday night was the only part of the weekend they got free. As Ianto placed the last clean mug away he turned to walk to Jack’s office, finding it empty when he knocked and pushed the door open. Walking inside for a moment, Ianto checked Jack’s desk to see if there were any notes that might indicate where the captain may be. Finding nothing he exited the office and figured he would check the cells to see if Jack was perhaps attending to Janet, but on his way down a small movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, so he stopped and looked down a different corridor, finding Jack making his way towards him.
“Sir.” Ianto acknowledged when Jack was standing in front of him.
“Ianto. What are you doing down here?” Jack asked casually, probably having been expecting to find Ianto waiting in his office upon his own return to the main hub area.
“I was on my way to check the cells Sir. When you weren’t in your office I thought you might be attending to Janet.” Ianto explained.
“Ohh, well actually I was on my way back to my office to get you. I was thinking that we could have our meeting down here tonight. Come on.” Then he turned and walked away back down the corridor that he had previously been walking towards Ianto from. After a moment of hesitation Ianto followed Jack apprehensively, not knowing where Jack was going or what he was planning on doing when they got there. As they turned down another short corridor Ianto felt his breathing coming short, his heart rate moving faster as he recognized where they were going. They were in the corridor that led to the gun range.
“Jack.” Ianto basically whispered, unable to form the word with any more power than that, his legs automatically stopping his progress and causing Jack to turn back and look at him.
Jack took a few steps closer to Ianto and reached out a hand to place it on the younger man’s shoulder. “Ianto breath. No one is going to shoot you.”
Ianto nodded to let Jack know he had heard and understood what he was saying, all whilst breathing in a manner that had become quite familiar to him over the past months since his first panic attack. Breath in deeply, hold for three seconds then breath out again. Ianto repeated the motion for a minute, calming himself down quickly, possibly helped by Jack’s presence, and they were able to walk forward again. Whenever Ianto felt himself creeping back towards the start of a panic he repeated his breathing techniques, keeping himself from a full panic attack and therefore keeping Jack from worrying about him too much.
When his breathing appeared to be back to normal they started to walk forward again, rounding one more corner and entering the gun range where the usual targets of Weevils were set up and just two small hand guns were sitting on the table next to some earmuffs and a few spare clips.
“I know you are still scared Ianto, but I really need to know that if you needed to, you are still capable of protecting yourself from threats. So, we start in a controlled environment, just you and me, no one else around to watch, and with the smallest weapon we have. Okay?” Jack was staring into Ianto’s eyes as he spoke and could quite clearly see the fear there, fear that Ianto was desperately trying to hide.
Ianto nodded and took a deep breath, convincing his body to move and taking a few steps inside the room and towards the table. He had been doing a lot better lately with weapons, but had still been unable to touch one himself, therefore as he reached out towards the table holding the guns his hand was shaking so violently that it looked like he was standing in the middle of an earthquake. Ianto stopped reaching out when he saw a hand cover his.
“You need to calm down Ianto, no one else is here. Just me. And I promise you I am not going to shoot you.” Jack removed his hand from Ianto’s a grabbed one of the guns, slowly handing it to Ianto until the younger man took hold of it properly. Jack had left the safety turned on just in case, not sure of exactly how this was going to go, and just in case Ianto dropped the gun or tensed up in fear and pulled the trigger, at least he couldn’t possibly accidently shoot either of them. It turned out to have been a good choice of safety precaution in the end, as Ianto dropped the gun as soon as he had his hand fully wrapped around the handle and Jack had moved his own hand off the barrel.
Ianto immediately started to hyperventilate at the gun slid a small distance across the ground. Stumbling backwards Ianto stopped when he felt the wall pressed against his back and attempted to use it to ground himself as he practiced the same breathing exercises he had been doing for months. Meanwhile Jack quickly picked the gun up and placed it back on the table before turning around and noticing Ianto leaning on the wall, his head tilted back and his eye pressed tightly shut as he breathed. In a split-second decision, Jack made up his mind to do something that he had been wanting to do for a long time but had never acted on before. Figuring it might just be a good enough distraction he went for it. Walking up to Ianto, Jack hesitated only a second before leaning in and placing his lips over Ianto’s.
Ianto froze entirely when he felt Jack’s lips pressed against his own, his breathing stopped, and he was fairly certain for a moment that his heart had as well. He had no idea what to do as he had never kissed another man before. When Ianto didn’t respond to the kiss after about twenty seconds, Jack pulled back and looked into his eyes, searching for an answer to his unasked question. ‘Do you want this too?’ They stared at each other in silence for a few minutes before Jack looked away from Ianto and turned to leave the room. Just as he had reached the door he felt a hand on his arm, gently tugging to try and turn him around.
Once Jack complied, he found Ianto was much closer to him than he had expected and was even more shocked when Ianto leaned in even closer and gently placed his lips against Jack’s again. It was soft and tentative, clearly showing Ianto’s inexperience with men. It wasn’t even as though he had never thought of doing this, he had. Mostly during their weekly chats whenever Jack leaned close to him, it left him wondering what it would be like if Jack just leaned a little bit closer and closed the gap between them. Now he knew what it was like, and he wanted more. Parting his lips slightly, Ianto allowed Jack’s tongue to explore his mouth, moaning lightly at the feeling. He had never felt anything like this before with any women he had ever been with, as small as that list was, and he didn’t want to give it up.
When Ianto pulled away he chuckled lightly as Jack tried to follow him to reconnect their lips. Ianto stepped back and Jack stepped forward, wanting to keep their bodies pressed together. Ianto held a hand up to Jack’s chest and pressed enough to stop his forward motion. Smirking at the pout he got from Jack, Ianto reached behind him for the gun that had been left on the bench when Ianto had started to have his panic attack. “Teach me how to shoot?”
Jack couldn’t keep the smile off of his face at the way Ianto managed to make such a clean, simple request sound so filthy. “Come here.” Jack said, smiling again when Ianto stepped back toward him again. “Now turn around.”
Ianto did as he was told and turned so he was facing the targets once more, which happened to be Weevils, and tried his best to control his breathing when he felt Jack step up to press closely against his back, one arm holding the hand that Ianto was gripping the gun in, and the other one wrapped around his waist, his palm pressed flat against Ianto’s stomach, and his chin hooked over his shoulder so that he could whisper in Ianto’s ear.
“Now grip the gun at your side, leaving the barrel facing the floor.”
At each of Jack’s instructions Ianto did as he was told, somehow managing not to panic whilst doing so for the first time in months. He was completely unable to concentrate on the fact that he was even holding a gun as every fiber of his body was busy focusing on the feeling of Jack. Each time Jack gave a new command for Ianto to follow he moved his own hand that had been resting on Ianto’s up his arm and down his torso, getting lower each time Ianto did as he was told. By the time Ianto had the gun raised at his side and pointed at the target Jack’s hand was one move away from cupping Ianto, and at this point Jack still wasn’t even sure how far Ianto was willing to go. Kissing Jack was one thing but moving on to going further than that when he had never been with a guy before was completely different. Giving one last order, Jack decided that he might as well just go for it. If Ianto didn’t want it he would say something.
“Fire at the target.” Jack whispered seductively.
Ianto held his breath for multiple reasons, the first being his fear of actually firing the weapon in his hand and the second was that he knew where Jack’s hand was about to move to, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted it or not. He knew that he liked the kiss and wanted more of that, but did he want to go further?
Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, Ianto pulled his finger slowly back into his hand, tightening the recoil on the gun until it fired, hitting the target, although not where he had originally been aiming for. Jack noticed this, but even though he hit the target at the wrong spot, Jack was still proud of Ianto for firing it at all, so he slowly moved his hand down a little to cup Ianto through his tight suit pants.
If Ianto had been unsure before, which he certainly had been, all doubt was removed at that moment. Instead of his body shying away from the attention the way he had expected it too, he instead felt his body react positively, the bulge in his pants growing as he hardened under Jack’s attention. Unable to resist, Ianto sagged back against Jack’s front, his head lolling onto Jack’s shoulder as he gasped in both surprise and pleasure. For the moment Ianto was giving in, surrendering himself to Jack and whatever he wanted. Ianto knew that he could always say ‘NO’ if something Jack did was something he didn’t like, and he would stop instantly. Jack may have always appeared as more the type to sleep around then to commit, and Ianto was sure that the list of kinky things he had done was probably a long one, but he knew that against all that Jack would never do something that someone he was with didn’t want, and therefore was perfectly fine placing his trust in the captain. Ianto couldn’t help the moan that left his throat unexpectedly as Jack pressed a little harder and moved his hand slightly.
“Do you like that?” He practically purred into Ianto’s ear.
“Y-yes.” Ianto gasped. “Please Jack.” Ianto had no idea what he was asking for, he just hoped that Jack would be able to figure it out and would then give him what he needed.
“What do you want Ianto? You need to tell me.” Jack said, still driving Ianto mad by slowly moving his hand up and down Ianto’s growing length through his trousers.
“I don’t know what I want Jack. I just know I want it.” Ianto said, his voice trembling.
Having heard Ianto straight out say that he wanted this to continue, at least for now, Jack was feeling more confident in his actions. In a split second he had removed his hand from Ianto’s hardness and spun the younger man around, placing his hands on his waist and pulling Ianto toward him until they were face to face. They were so close that when Jack next spoke Ianto was able to feel his lips lightly brushing his own. “Is this something you want?” Jack asked in his sexiest voice, moving his hands down to Ianto’s ass and pulling him closer again until both their groins were pressed tight together, and Ianto could feel how hard Jack was.
“Ohh god yes.” Ianto moaned and kissed Jack hard. Jack kissed back just as hard, enough that if they were paying enough attention to really notice, they would feel the slight pain of pressing their lips together too hard, but they were unable to process it.
As they made out, Jack moved his hands around to Ianto’s shirt and started to undo the buttons, stopping when only one button remained to be opened and Ianto leaned back. “Don’t you think this would be better somewhere more comfortable?” Ianto asked nervously.
“Uh huh.” Jack Agreed. “Come on then.” Jack grabbed Ianto’s hand and led him back through the tunnels until they reached the main hub, then continued up to Jack’s office, where he let go of Ianto’s hand for a moment to move the grate that he keeps over the opening to his room. As Ianto stood and watched Jack maneuvered himself through the hole. “You coming?”
Ianto stepped forward and looked down, seeing a small ladder, and lowered himself into the hole, climbing down until his feet hit the floor. Looking around Ianto saw he was in a small room, most of the space was taken up by the bed, a small dresser in the opposite corner and a door that presumably led to a bathroom. There was little else of personal effects in the room, or anything to prove really that a person lived there.
“Well?” Jack asked, his voice coming from behind Ianto, making him turn around with a light gasp in shock.
“Is this where you sleep?” Ianto asked
“Yep, so what now?” Jack had his cocky smirk in place and Ianto could think of nothing else to say.
“Kiss me!”
Hearing all that he needed to hear, Jack stepped forward, pulled Ianto tight against him and reconnected their lips. As they kissed, Jack slowly pushed Ianto backwards until he could feel the bed hitting the back of his knees, so he slowly leant back until he was lying on the bed, pulling Jack on top of him as he went, making sure that their entire bodies stayed connected the whole way down. As they kissed Ianto touched every part of Jack he could reach, his face, his hair, his neck, his back, and his hips, until his hands came to rest on Jack’s arse.
As soon as Ianto’s hands had settled there Jack moaned, so Ianto squeezed a little and heard Jack moan again. Soon both of their erections were throbbing painfully, so they started to grind against each other, making them both groan in unison. Ianto felt overwhelmed with pleasure already at the feeling of Jack grinding down hard against his erection.
“Shit Jack, don’t stop!” Ianto moaned, but Jack did stop. “What are you doing?.”
Jack didn’t say anything as he straddled Ianto’s hips and started to run his hands down Ianto’s chest. His shirt was still on, but it was open all the way down to the last button, which was still buttoned up. Ianto watched Jack’s pupils dilate as he looked down at Ianto then he suddenly bent down and took one of Ianto’s pert nipples into his mouth, sucking, licking and gently nipping at it. The sensation made Ianto moan out Jack’s name and arch his back to try and get more of the feeling. Jack spent quite some time making Ianto writhe under him, enjoying making the young man under him feel good.
Pretty soon Ianto couldn’t take it anymore and he started to beg Jack to do something about his neglected erection, “Jack please! I can’t take it, do something.”
“What do you want me to do?” Jack purred into his ear as he started to suck on Ianto’s neck.
“I don’t care. Anything!” Ianto begged, as he writhed under Jack’s tongue
Ianto whined out a protest as Jack removed his mouth from his neck, however he then proceeded to kiss down Ianto’s neck, over his chest, ignoring his nipples this time, and following his happy trail down his stomach to the top of his pants. He then slowly gripped Ianto’s fly and opened it, all the while he was staring up at him from his lust filled eyes. He then slowly pulled Ianto’s pants down, along with his boxers so that Ianto’s erection popped free and slapped against his stomach. Jack stared down at it with a look in his eyes that could only be described as hunger, and before Ianto had a chance to even make a sound, Jack leant down and started to lick a line up his erection.
“Fuck Jack!” Ianto groaned, as his head fell back against the pillows of the bed, his eyes rolled back into his head and he couldn’t stop moaning Jack’s name over and over as Jack then swallowed his entire length into his mouth and started to suck. Ianto groaned when he continued to show his cock so much attention. Jack was hollowing his cheeks, and sucking hard, suddenly sinking even further down until Ianto could feel his cock pushing into Jack’s throat.
“Jack, wait,” Ianto mumbled, unable to properly find his voice. “Jack, please stop,” he finally gasped out.
Jack removed his mouth with a small pop, wiping the saliva off his chin and asked, “Did you change your mind? We can stop if you don’t want to do this.”
“It’s not that, it’s just that I umm, well I uh-“ Ianto stuttered out, too embarrassed to sat what he wanted to say.
“You can tell me Ianto, is this okay, is it what you want?” Jack looked genuinely concerned about Ianto when he asked him if he wanted this. Somehow that look made Ianto less nervous.
“I want this Jack, I really do. I’ve just never done any of this before and I’m a little nervous.” Ianto said.
“I know!” Jack smirked, leaning forward to kiss and suck on Ianto’s neck whilst he continued to talk. “Have you ever tried on yourself?”
“What do you mean?” Ianto breathed, trying to hold onto his train of thought as Jack seemed so intent on distracting him.
Still moving his lips around Ianto’s neck Jack answered. “Have you ever fingered yourself Ianto? Even just one little finger as you jerked off, pushing in slowly till you reached a point that felt good and made you buck up further into your own hand?”
Ianto was definitely struggling to keep up with the conversation now as the mental picture he was receiving was making him groan slightly and tilt his neck at just the right angle to allow Jack more room and access to a particular spot that made him go weak. “No.” He gasped out, before gaining more control over his voice. “No, I haven’t.”
“Okay. Just tell me what you want. I don’t want to do anything that you are uncomfortable with.” Jack looked so sincere that Ianto couldn’t help but trust him not to do anything he didn’t want him to do.
Because of that Ianto instantly made up his mind, and with a sudden confidence that appeared out of nowhere, he sat up, pushing Jack away from his neck as he did so and whispered confidently into Jack’s ear, “I want you to fuck me. I want to feel you spreading me open, and I want to come on your cock.”
“Fuck,” Jack groaned as Ianto then pushed him until he was the one lying flat on the bed and straddled Jack’s waist, moving his hands over the Captain’s chest and popping each button on his shirt open slowly one at a time. Once the shirt was open Ianto leaned down and kissed Jack lightly on the lips once before moving down his neck until he reached his chest. Placing his mouth over Jack’s right nipple he sucked a little and was surprised at how much it turned him on to hear Jack moan lightly at the feeling. Becoming bolder Ianto gently scrapped his teeth over the nipple and was almost unseated when it caused Jack to buck up into him almost violently.
“Fuck Ianto, where the hell did you learn to do that?” Jack asked, voice barely above a whisper.
“Just making it up as I go Sir.” Ianto said, sitting up slightly and winking at Jack. Jack groaned again, knowing he was never going to be able to hear Ianto call him ‘Sir’ at work without getting hard.
Ianto moved back up Jack’s body and reconnected his lips with Jack’s lips. When he parted his lips he felt Jack’s tongue dive into his mouth so he sucked on it, and his cock twitched at the low guttural groan that Jack let out at the feeling.
As he kissed Jack, Ianto’s hands felt their way down to Jack’s fly and he quickly undid his pants, desperate to see the cock that he wanted to have fucking into him. The thought made him sit up abruptly to rip Jack’s pants down his legs, as far as he could from his position, and stared at the very obvious bulge in Jack’s boxers. Ianto really wanted to taste Jack, so started to lean forward to mouth at the bulge through Jack’s boxers.
“Shit Ianto, that’s good.” Jack groaned. “You don’t have to do that though. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Ianto just glanced up at Jack from under his eyelashes, removed his mouth from Jack for long enough to say, “I want to do this,” before he pulled Jack’s boxers done, gently grabbed his cock and licked it. The taste exploded onto Ianto’s tongue and he was surprised to realize that he didn’t hate it, so he took the tip into his mouth and started to suck. Jack’s hips jerked up off the bed in reaction and his cock was pushed to the back of Ianto’s throat, however he found that he liked the feeling, even though he gagged a bit.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” Jack apologized.
Ianto pulled off of Jack’s cock for a second, “Do it again.”
“What?”
“Do it again. I want you to fuck my mouth and make me gag.” Ianto demanded.
Jack was shocked that he was hearing this particular request, seeing as Ianto had never sucked anyone’s cock before, but once Ianto put his mouth back around his cock, Jack was powerless and gave in to the request. He started to slowly fuck into Ianto’s mouth, he didn’t go too far though as he wasn’t sure Ianto really wanted him to, no matter what he had previously said, however once Ianto started to moan obscenely around Jack’s cock, he finally lost all of his control and started to really fuck into Ianto’s mouth. For someone who had never done this before, Ianto was brilliant, and before long Jack had to stop him.
“Ianto, stop.” Jack chocked out, breathing deeply when Ianto removed his mouth and attempting to calm down a little bit.
“Am I doing it wrong? Cause I can do better, I know I can.” Ianto started to freak out that he hadn’t been good enough for Jack, but he didn’t want the other man to leave his bed, he wanted more.
“No Ianto, relax. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just didn’t want to come before I got the chance to be inside of you.” Jack said while he lightly stroked Ianto’s cheek in an attempt to sooth him. When Ianto looked back up at Jack, he smiled a reassuring smile at him.
“I want you inside me” Ianto boldly stated. He then rolled them until he was lying down again, and Jack was now the one straddling him. Ianto watched the way Jack’s body moved as he stood up to fully remove his pants, and then pulled Ianto’s all the way off as well so that they were now both completely naked. Ianto couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. It was something he had been thinking about for quite a while now, but he never thought that it would actually happen. He pulled Jack down on top of him and aligned their bodies while he leaned his head to the right angle to start kissing him again. Ianto bucked his hips and ground his cock up into Jack’s and they both groaned in unison.
Jack pulled back from Ianto and pushed him flat against the bed with a hand on his chest to stop Ianto from trying to follow him up, “Time to get you ready for me,” he purred, then he kissed his way down Ianto’s chest and stomach until he was far enough down the bed to kneel between Ianto’s spread legs. Jack reached out blindly and dug through the top drawer of the little table next to the bed and pulled out some lube, which he poured a small amount of onto his hand to coat a few of his fingers with. Jack then moved his hand until his fingers were in the general area of where they needed to be, whilst his other hand gently pushed one of Ianto’s legs up to give him better access. Moving his hand once again, Jack slowly started to circle Ianto’s hole with two of his fingers. As the tip of Jack’s first finger started to breach the tight ring of muscle, Ianto’s muscles automatically clenched down at the abnormal feeling.
“Hey, just try and relax okay? I promise I’ll go slow and not hurt you, but I need you to relax first.” Jack told him, but he couldn’t seem to do so. “Just take a few deep breathes Ianto, there we go.”
As much as Ianto really wanted this, his body was fighting him on it, but after a short moment he had relaxed enough that Jack was able to push the rest of his finger in past the ring of muscle, where he left it for a moment without any movement to make sure Ianto was alright, and when Ianto nodded he start to pull his finger out and thrust back in. Ianto thought it felt weird and not exactly all that pleasurable really, but he didn’t tell Jack to stop, he hoped that once there was more inside him that it would start to feel better. After a few minutes Jack started to wiggle a second finger into Ianto, and although he clenched down on them a little, Jack was still able to push his finger in quite quickly. It still wasn’t feeling very good for Ianto, and he was seriously considering asking if they could just stop when Jack crooked his fingers inside him just right and found his prostate.
Ianto cried out in surprise, “Shit Jack. Ohh my god, do that again. Please.”
Jack laughed lightly at this, “Feel good?”
“Fuck yes, just please don’t stop. I want more.”
Ianto felt Jack wiggling a third finger inside him, and now he was moaning a constant stream of moans as Ianto hit his prostate on every single thrust of his fingers.
“Jack!” Ianto cried out, “Jack, I’m ready. Please, I want you inside me.”
“I am inside you Ianto.” Jack teased.
“I don’t want your fingers anymore. I want your big fat cock to split me open and I want it now.”
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” Jack pulled his fingers out of him, and Ianto moaned in regret at the empty feeling. Jack slowly kissed back up Ianto’s body until he reached his lips and the two men both opened their mouths to each other as they kissed deeply and passionately. Ianto broke off from the kiss with a moan, “Please Jack.”
“How do you want to do this then?”
“What do you mean?” Ianto asked.
“What position do you want to do this in? Like this way or on your hands and..”
Ianto cut Jack off before he could finish explaining what he meant. “This way. I want to see you.”
Jack leant down to start kissing Ianto again while he moved one hand down between them to line his cock up with Ianto’s whole, quickly coating himself in some lube first. “Just let me know if you want me to stop. If it hurts too much.”
“I promise I will, just please fill me up. I want to feel you.”
Ianto tried to relax as he felt the head of Jack’s cock press against his hole, just as the head started to breach his muscle he clenched down again. Jack’s cock was a lot thicker than three of his fingers and it did hurt a little bit. Jack looked like he was about to pull back, so Ianto reached out and grab hold of his arse to pull him forward a bit further. Even though it hurt a little more than the first push, it also sent a spike of pleasure through him and he couldn’t help but moan at the feeling. “Please keep going Jack.”
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Jack asked, concerned.
“Yes, just keep going.”
Ianto used all the strength he could muster and pulled Jack further into him slowly until Jack started to push himself in. Soon enough Ianto could feel Jack’s balls against his arse and knew that he was all the way in.
“How do you feel?” Jack asked him, his expression suggesting he was playing around, but his tone showing exactly how serious he was. He was making sure that Ianto was okay in case they needed to stop.
“So full. Like you’re splitting me in half.” Ianto moaned and wiggled his hips a little and when there was more pleasure than pain he said, “You can start to move.”
Jack pulled out slowly and then thrust back inside at the same pace, making them both moan at the feeling, “Fuck Ianto, you’re so fucking tight.”
“You’re so big Jack, it feels so fucking good.” Ianto moaned.
Jack continued to thrust into Ianto at a slow and steady pace, and when Ianto moved his hips to try and get Jack deeper his cock pressed against Ianto’s prostate as Jack thrust back into him. Ianto gasped out loud at the sheer pleasure that shot through him.
“OHH FUCK JACK” Ianto screamed, “Fuck, harder please” He begged
Jack started to pull out of Ianto and then slam back in harder than he was before and Ianto just took it, continuing to moan as he was now having his prostate hit on every single thrust. It felt so good that it was almost torture, and Ianto kept clenching his tight passage around Jack’s cock, making Jack groan in pleasure above him.
“You’re so damn tight Ianto, I want to stay here forever.” Jack groaned.
“Ahhh fuck Jack, you feel so good.” A slightly harder thrust from Jack made him see stars and he groaned out a command of what he wanted. “Faster.”
“Are you.. ohhh fuck… are you sure?”
“Yes Jack. I want it harder and faster.”
Ianto only had a second to prepare himself before Jack started moving at a pace that was a whole lot faster and pounding into Ianto, with every thrust still pushing against that perfect spot inside him. It was as though Jack had a map that showed him exactly where the right spot was and what he had to do to get to it. Ianto could feel that he was starting to get close, his untouched cock leaking heaps of pre-cum all over his stomach, and he wanted someone to touch his cock, but he wanted to cum on Jack’s cock alone more. Jack must have been getting close as well as he reached down to grip Ianto firmly, but just as he made contact Ianto moved one of his hands and grabbed a hold of Jack’s hand, lacing their fingers together instead. Jack looked down at him a little confused.
“I want to cum from your cock alone.” Ianto explained in a breathless voice.
This must have turned Jack on even more, as he appeared to loose and any all control that he may have been in possession of at that moment. Tightening the grip he now had on Ianto’s hand to a near painful level, Jack moved his arm till their hands were lying on the pillow next to Ianto’s head and using his grip as leverage, started to thrust into Ianto as hard and fast as was humanly possible, making Ianto’s eyes roll back into his head and his back arch in pleasure. He knew that he was not going to last much longer now, the constant stimulation on his prostate drawing his orgasm closer.
“So close Jack” He managed to breathe out.
“Me too. Let go Ianto, let go for me.”
Hearing Jack telling him to let go broke the last bit of control he had, and he came all over his stomach with a shout of Jack’s name, his hole clenching tightly around him. The extra pressure on Jack’s cock tipped him over the edge too, and he muffled his shout of Ianto’s name into his neck. When their breathing had retuned to a more normal rate, Jack gently shifted until he could pull out of Ianto, causing Ianto to gasp slightly in pain.
“Are you okay?” Jack asked, concerned that maybe he had been stupid to do what Ianto had begged him to when it was the younger mans first time. Perhaps he should have been gentler.
“I’m great.” Ianto said with a dopey, drugged looking smile.
Jack chuckled lightly, curling up next to Ianto and pulling his bed covers up over them. “You do know you’re going to be sore in the morning right?”
“Yes, I figured that.” Ianto said, rolling his eyes. “But it was so worth it.”
Together the two of them fell asleep in each other’s arms with smiles on their faces.
Ianto wouldn’t say that he is completely okay again now. He still has nightmares occasionally and will sometimes have a panic attack in certain circumstances. However he has gotten over his weapon problem. Thanks to Jack and a rather unexpected method of memory association, whenever Ianto picks up a gun these days he thinks of Jack’s naked body moving against his own, and instead of having a panic attack, must fight his body from having a completely different reaction. Each week Ianto still has two meetings with Jack, where they continue to work through the trauma, even having Ianto help Jack through some of his own, and every weekend, so long as they have no new rift activity to deal with, they spend in bed together either in Jack quarters or at Ianto’s flat. Overall Ianto is doing a lot better now, and thanks to Jack he certainly doesn’t feel quite so alone anymore.