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Forgive Me Not

Summary:

It had been a tense few days since news of X's deteriorated condition got out. Most didn't ask questions. The rest didn't get answers anyway. No one said anything after that, especially not to Zero, and he wondered why.

It only made the gaping hole in Zero's heart worse. He had taken to napping outside of X's door, always only ever half asleep just in case his husband called for him in the night.
The call never came.

Until one day, it did.

Notes:

Inspired by Blackclawkitty19's WONDERFUL, HEARTBREAKING story "Fallen Savior", I finished reading Chapter 20 and decided that I HAD to write.

This is not part of Blackclawkitty19's official story, only inspired by it -- a fanfic of a fanfic.

The imagery I use in the opening scene was taken directly from another story I've been working on for like a year, but you know what? I absolutely didn't mind echoing it here. I felt it was fitting. And since I know the author knows that trope....I knew I had to do it. ;)

SO. Grab a tissue, maybe some sad music, and please take your time. Savor every word, for they were all chosen with great purpose.
Thank you.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

X awoke alone. All around him, twisted brambles and thorns protruded into the dim red haze lighting the horizon. Above him were no lights. No stars, no moon. He didn't recognize anything.

He searched the ground. Tiny lights illuminated a dirt path through crunchy, parched grass and dead leaves. A warm, dry breeze billowed up around him, lifting his dark hair around his face for a brief moment before the wind left him and went on its way.

A sweet, earthy perfume lingered in the air. He knew that scent -- he'd know it anywhere. He'd spent so much time in his early life gathering and drying flowers in his room that he could never forget such a familiar, beloved scent. He almost smiled.

Though he wanted to be at ease, X still felt apprehensive. He could hear leaves rustling all around him, and the peacefulness of an ambient breeze swirling through the plant life. It reminded him of a summer night a hundred years ago. Back before everything...fell apart.

Sad memories, he thought silently. I don't want any sadness right now. I have enough as it is.

And he did; he had more than enough to worry about, what with the daily needs of the innocents in his care back at the base.

I should bring back roses for Alouette and Ciel, X thought dreamily. The lovely scent was putting his mind more and more at ease, as if his consciousness could join the gentle warmth of the night air, and the dull crimson haze settled overhead.

It was so peaceful. He only heard his own careful footsteps, which were soft and quiet as he explored the thicket without disturbing any of it.

But his feelings of safety soon ran dry.

He heard something up ahead. Sounds of struggling. Coughing. A person -- someone clearly in pain, struggling to breathe. Alarmed, X paused to listen. He heard only one being beyond himself, and after a few minutes, was confident enough to take a few steps forward. Instantly, something he'd failed to notice before crunched softly beneath his feet.

X cast his pale green eyes down to the ground. A rose...? And not just any rose -- a delicate blue rose, mostly dried and with a long stem, trimmed of its thorns and wrapped in a red ribbon just beneath the bloom.

X looked slowly ahead. There were more...just laying there, crinkled faces tilted towards the sky. He picked that one up and prepared to lay it across his arm, but in an instant, the rose turned to dust in his hands. Blue petals slipped through his grasp, fluttered to the ground below and fading out of existence.

X moved to start walking, but a sudden wind stopped him. In an instant, fresh blue rose petals filled the air, blinding him. When the wind dissapated, his scenery had changed. It stole his breath away.

He could see. The red haze was gone, replaced with an endless inky sky. The briars all around him now formed a tall, winding net on top of an unidentifiable structure. Here and there, blue roses peeked out from under jagged thorns and midnight leaves. To his surprise, some of them glistened, as if the tips of their petals had been coated in something wet...something red.

Before X could get a better look at the wall of roses, he heard something.

Something that made his core run cold.

"X...?"

He knew that voice.

X's eyes widened. Slowly, against the massive storm of dread now swirling around his mind, he traced the lines of red upwards. In the center of the tangled mass of briars lay long, glimmering golden strands. A black and red body, limbs wrapped in twisting, scratching thorns. A handsome, battle-scarred face, with piercing eyes that looked weary.

Zero.

X couldn't find his voice. He just stared, wondering if the shooting fear he felt would ever stop.

"X...it's really you."

X bit back a shudder. "Zero...? What...what are you doing up there?"

He looked all wrong. Gone was the look of determination that X had always known. His eyes were glassy, with deep shadows underneath. His limbs hung limply in the briars' grasp.

"You're here," Zero said quietly. He tried to smile, but winced at a sudden jolt of pain.

"Zero!" X called out in alarm. "Hold on! I'll get you down!" He started towards the structure, reaching out and grasping the large, limb-sized brambles and tugging.

"I can't," Zero said softly, "I can't get out."

X ripped a long vine loose from the stone structure underneath. He glared up at Zero. "Yes you can! I'm coming!"

"I thought...you wouldn't come. Not for me."

Something about the way he said it made X's stomach turn. It wasn't full of malice. Instead, it was forlorn. It was heavy and dripping with an emotion that X knew well.

Resignation.

The thought of Zero suffering, being chained and...giving up...sent a tremor through his weakened heart. It thumped with a sickening feeling of weightlessness, as if his heart was failing. Maybe it was.

X felt himself tremble. He had to help Zero. "Don't move," he said, "I'm coming!"

A cough.

"X...it's alright."

Zero's voice was so soft, it would have been comforting had the situation been different. X tore at the rose vines one after another. He was making progress, or...he thought he was. The mass of brambles seemed to grow every time he used his considerable strength to rip one in half, casting it aside to reach for another.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, X."

X cried out as another mass of vines burst up out of the ground, simply getting in his way and settling there. He wanted them all to get lost or burn, one of the two. Zero... his husband...needed him!

Zero coughed again. It sounded thick and painful, like he had a tangled mass of something lodged deep in his chest that he couldn't quite clear. He drew in a ragged breath. X could hear him trying to steady himself.

"Don't try to talk," X urged, "I... I don't want you hurt..."

Zero's body convulsed. He leaned forward, wincing in pain and fighting away another shudder. He heaved again, this time spitting up tumbling masses of blue. X looked on in horror.

Blue rose petals.

Zero looked up at X with a weak smile. "It's okay, X. I'm here," he mumbled, "I'm here."

The briars sprang to life the more Zero spoke. They jumped up around X, curling and pulling tight around his wrists and ankles. Thorns dug into his skin, piercing and ripping at his armor. It hurt so much, but no matter how hard he fought, the vines were stronger.

"Zero," X screamed, "ZERO!"

The briars pulled him back, away from his former lover. X fought hard, kicking and tearing at the vines.

"Let GO of me," he cried, "LET GO!"

But they wouldn't let up. X felt immense pain as he was dragged down to the ground, into the soil. The vines held him tight, dragging him out of sight and crushing him. It was getting hard to breathe... He kept hearing Zero's words echoing all around him.

"I'm here."

Gentle, soothing tones.

"I'm here..."

Steady, a solid rock in wavering times.

...

...

He saw red. The voice changed.
No longer was it soothing or gentle.
It was harsh.
Sharp.
Frightening.

"I'm here."

X, again, woke up screaming.

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It had been a tense few days since news of X's deteriorated condition got out. At first, only the Resistence Base guards knew, and they only knew that they were under no circumstances whatsoever to allow Master X to travel anywhere outside the base. Many had wondered how they were to enforce such an order against THE Master X, but a stern look from Cerveau had been able to convince most of them that whatever rigors they had to go through with X would be more mild than anything the disgruntled tech would put them through if they failed to keep X grounded.

So they kept him grounded.

Most didn't ask questions. The rest didn't get answers anyway. Somehow, upon seeing X hobble around, gingerly lowering himself into chairs whenever he wasn't on the move (which was almost all the time), they'd all figured it out. X was in dire straights, and was determined to make himself worse if not forcibly detained inside the base.

No one said anything after that, especially not to Zero, nor would they in Zero's presence. The red warrior had, on more than one occasion, stumbled into a suddenly cut off conversation, his eyes scanning the participants with a glare of scrutiny as he walked by.

It only made the gaping hole in Zero's heart worse. He silently wondered just how many people knew more about his husband's condition than he did, and why no one would tell him anything. He had taken to napping outside of X's door, always only ever half asleep just in case his husband called for him in the night.

The call never came.

After a good three days of that...or was it more? Zero had lost track of just how many new days had begun since getting X stabilized from the last...

Mission, his brain offered to him.

If you want to call it that, Zero thought with a heavy sigh. It was more like a nightmare. Not one single part of it had been good, Zero thought as he trudged through the halls of the Resistence Base. Not one.

His memories flashed to life at that remark, however -- memories of arms interlocked with his, of two touch-starved bodies pressed closely together as momentum carried the two of them across dangerous gaps, both literal and metaphorical.

Zero sighed. Those moments had been good, he thought with some shame. He wondered if X had relished the feeling of being so close again as much as he had. With X's life now in danger, such things mattered less than they had just days ago. More of those moments would never come if X didn't...

Zero shook away those thoughts before they could consume him. And they would. They had already lured him into a few anger outbursts that he wasn't proud of. He'd tried to make up for them, but still felt terrible. He couldn't be anyone's hero if he couldn't hold himself together.

Definitely not X's.

As Zero ended that thought, he noticed his feet had taken him all the way to the kitchen. He gazed fondly at the empty stove. X had once stood there with Alouette, showing her how to safely make kitty shapes with pancake batter in a hot frying pan. Of course, X wasn't there now. He was resting.

As he should be.

"ZEWO!!"

The high-pitched squeal jolted him out of his thoughts as a little flash of pink skipped up to him and took his hand. Alouette turned big blue eyes and a glowing smile up at him from her small height, her favorite white cat plushie hugged tightly in her arms. Two gooey dots of chocolate highlighted each end of her smile. Zero couldn't help but grin.

"ZEWO, we gots cookies! Come on, Ciel made them! They're so yummy!! You gotta try one C'MON," she beamed, tugging his hand.

Zero let himself be led over to the long set of tables lined up together nearby. To his surprise, the table was nearly full. Axl, Ciel, Cerveau, Rocinolle, and even Phantom sat clustered around a plate of chocolate chip cookies. They looked mouth-watering.

Alouette dropped Zero off at what he guessed was his seat and then climbed back up into Ciel's lap. Naturally, Zero thought. That was Alouette's rightful place, after all. The little girl got settled and reached for another cookie, eagerly stuffing half of it into her mouth. She would have put more in, if it had fit.

"Zero," Ciel greeted brightly. "It's good to see you. Are you well?"

Zero nodded politely at the human's greeting. He wasn't doing so well, but he would say he was, just to avoid depressing topics. "I'm alright," he said quietly.

"You liar," Axl grumbled next to him. "You're just as worried as the rest of us."

Zero scowled at him, quickly stomping at Axl's foot.

Axl jumped. "Hey!" He snorted and stuffed a bite of cookie into his mouth. He grumbled under his breath. "I know you are. Otherwise you wouldn't sleep outside his door like that."

"Leave him alone, squirt. You're such a damned brat, you know that?"

Zero looked up as the gruff voice sounded from the opposite side of the table. The unlikely assist had come from one very tired Cerveau. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week, with dark circles under his eyes and a steaming cup of VERY strong coffee in his hand. Zero could tell from the burnt smell alone that the brew was almost as bitter as Cerveau was.

Almost.

"Well, at least he's not alone in that," quipped Rocinolle across the table. She leveled a pointed grin at Cerveau, who shrugged apathetically.

"So you're picking on Zero today, too, is that it?" Cerveau muttered.

Rocinolle laughed. "I wasn't talking about Zero."

Cerveau took a long, slurpy sip of his coffee. Without looking up, he raised his brows apologetically. "Sorry, Ciel. Even I can't save you from Rocinolle's wrath."

Ciel just giggled softly, having caught onto the joke by then.

Rocinolle threw out a frustrated sigh. She let it drop, but a tired smile did linger. She instead turned her attention to Zero, beckoning towards the tray of cookies. "Well, don't just stare at them. Have one. Miss Ciel made these for us."

"I helped," came a very soft addition from Phantom, who kept his eyes lowered to the table while he said so.

"Oh?" Zero hummed, reaching for one of the treats. X would have been happy to know that his soft-spoken son had taken part in a peace offering, however small.

"You put salt in the first batch," Alouette said happily. "They tasted TERRIBLE!"

Phantom's pale face grew even paler. "I--I thought it was sugar!"

"Nope," Alouette replied through loud smacks of her cookie. "They tasted like BLEUGH, didn't they, kitty?" She looked at her stuffed toy, nodding to it knowingly. Axl's smirk was almost audible, he was so amused.

Ciel quickly intervened. "Phantom tried his best," she said, "he's never done any baking before! He was a very attentive assistant."

"So attentive, he couldn't tell sugar from salt," Axl teased.

Phantom's distress bled through his usually cool exterior in a nervous frown. "They both look alike, what do you expect me to do?"

"Taste them?" Axl replied, with a subsequent "duh".

"Ooookay, that's enough," Ciel chided in a soft, sing-songy voice.

They were all a little on edge, and all more than a bit self-aware now that some time had passed. Little spats had come and gone for days now. Ciel had made a plate of cookies as a peace offering for the group, and that had seemed to help. Something about the warm, gooey chocolate and mildly-sweet dough helped melt away the stress. Still, she wanted to prevent any new spats from happening. It was just going to be a risk for awhile.

Axl thought she was being a bit overbearing about it, but meh. Cookies.

"So, has X come out of his room any at all?" Axl asked. He leveled his question at Zero, who had finally taken the first nibble of a cookie.

"No," he said flatly. "Not unless he comes out when I'm not there." Something about that thought brought him down much farther than he'd expected to go in the sunny, comfy atmosphere of the kitchen.

"Poor thing, he's exhausted," Ciel lamented.

Axl piped up. "Well, you should've SEEN him! I mean, he went NUTS on that guy--"

"I meant Zero," Ciel said brightly. Axl choked on his cookie.

"Poor ZERO? Poor sad sap ZERO? If I were you, I'd feel sorry for that snake dude... There's nothin LEFT of him!"

Ciel quickly covered Alouette's ears while Zero tried to hide the bright red blush that rushed to his cheeks. Being pitied had never really fit him....at least, he suspected not. He couldn't really remember.

Cerveau laughed heartily at his obvious discomfort. "What's the matter, Zero? Still not used to all the attention? I would think you'd be tired of it by now, Mr. Hero." He went back to nursing his coffee.

Black as his soul, Zero thought wryly.

Ciel uncovered Alouette's ears. "Of course I'm worried about X. How can I not be? He's more exhausted than any of us," she said, bringing a hand up to cover a soft yawn. "But it's so easy to forget our own needs when someone close to us...needs us so much more."

"She's right, you know," Rocinolle chimed in. "We've all got to keep ourselves in good shape if we want to help little Ekksu."

Axl snorted. "Little Ekksu?!"

Rocinolle shrugged. "What? It's cute! HE'S cute! Especially now that he's got a husband runnin' around." She placed a wistful hand over her chest and gave an audible sigh. "Have you seen the way he looks after Zero when he walks off? It's just heart-breaking, I swear. So sweet. So precious."

Zero nodded appreciatively. Beside him, Axl made a gagging noise.

Rocinolle would have none of it. "Haven't you ever been in love, child? Never taken a shine to no one?"

Axl shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. That stuff's for him to worry about," he said, motioning to Zero, "and me to never hear about again!"

The bickering continued back and forth like that, with one of the Resistence members saying something bright, or cute, or funny, and Axl smarting off at them as usual. Phantom spoke up once in awhile to add his unique and shadowy perspective on the matter while Ciel looked on anxiously, and Alouette giggled.

They had all truly become like family, Zero noted. Perhaps it was the sweet scent of baked goods in the room, or the multiple voices filling an otherwise cold, empty space. Perhaps it was the warmth of the cookie he held in his hand. Something about this moment felt right, and Zero was loathe to let it go. He felt himself smiling, despite knowing this moment -- this happiness -- would eventually end. It was inevitable. Something important would need doing; someone would need fixing, or a mission would come calling. Whatever it happened to be, it would shatter their peace, leaving them to pick up the fragments of a life they all knew they wanted, but might never have.

But that was why they were all fighting -- so that someday, they, or those in their care, might have that kind of life -- a life of warmth and comfort and smiles.

Zero hoped he could have just a small taste of that life, at least for a few more moments.

"--ero! ZERO!"

The cry found its way to him through all the ambient chatter in the kitchen. Zero's pupils shrank down to cat-like points as he reacted to the unmistakeable cry of his love's voice calling out for him. Everyone at the table turned their head towards him as he perked up.

"What is it, Zero?" Axl questioned. He didn't get an answer, though. Zero shot up from his seat and vaulted over the table, shaking everyone's dishes as his boots left the metal surface.

"Zero?!" Ciel called after him.

Axl waved away her concern. "Dun worry, it's probably something he should take care of. He wouldn't bother getting up if not."

Ciel gradually settled back into her seat. "You don't think we should check on him...?"

"What if it's fath...X?" Phantom murmured. "Should we follow?"

Axl shrugged. "Normally I would, but..." He picked up another cookie and tossed it into his mouth, chewing silently for a moment. Then he spoke, mouth still full of cookie. "This time? Trust Zero. He'll let us know if X needs help."

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Cerveau spat dryly.

Axl swallowed and stuck his tongue out. "I do what I want."

Beside Ciel, Alouette giggled brightly. "You got choccy smeared on your face!"

Axl stared blankly for a moment, then rubbed at his face. He only ended up smearing the chocolate more. Alouette burst out laughing.

"Now you got a mustache!"

Axl's grin turned devilish. He reached for another cookie and fished out an extra gooey chocolate chip, dabbed his finger in it, and reached for Alouette's nose. She shrieked and squirmed in Ciel's lap.

"EEEEE NOOOOOO!"

That earned a tense laugh from everyone at the table. Axl was right; X's voice sounded distressed, but strong. He was probably fine. Zero could handle it, and if he couldn't, he would be right back with them, working to secure whatever X needed.

It was fine. They were fine.

Let them have some time alone.

 

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----------------------

The door slid open with the sound of rushing footsteps. Zero burst into the dark room with his husband's name on his lips.

"X! I'm here!"

The feeling in the room was entirely different from the happy, glowing atmosphere warming the kitchen. The evening sun did not reach here, and neither did its warmth. The room was instead quite cold. Uncomfortably so.

X lay half off his bed in total darkness, the machinery around him providing only soft beeps and hisses as it worked to stabilize his ailing body. An outstretched hand was lit by a gentle green glow, and just beyond it, two bright spots of pale green staring Zero's way.

When he saw his husband rush in, those eyes squeezed shut. When they opened again, they dripped glistening spots of light down X's face. "Zero..." he choked out.

Zero's chest ached from the sight. Sympathy welled up inside him. He rushed forward, very gently pulling X into his arms and helping him back onto his bed. "It's alright, I'm here," he murmured over and over again, cradling his injured lover carefully. He pressed his lips to those beautiful black locks, messy as they were, without thinking.

This time, X didn't push him away. He felt unsteady hands reach for his face. The touch was feather-light, which sent a small thrill up his spine, but worryingly cool upon his skin. He pulled away just enough to look down at X's face.

"Zero," X whispered. He felt around the shape of Zero's face, his fingertips tracing old scars. "You're alright..."

The last words sounded more like a question than a statement. Zero found it odd, but nonetheless answered him. "I'm fine," he said softly. He reached up to take X's hand, curling his warm fingers around X's cold, clammy ones with a reassuring squeeze.

"I saw you..." X murmured. "You were...you were sick."

"Just a nightmare," Zero said. He kept his voice steady for X's sake, hoping it would calm him. "No one's hurt, no one's sick. You can go back to sleep."

X stared into his eyes almost blankly. A ring of violet flickered on and off around his softly glowing irises. When he next squeezed his eyes shut, upon opening them, the violet ring was gone. Zero was happy to see it go. Its appearance at all unsettled him to his core.

"You hurt yourself," X said, his lips quivering. He thought about it a moment, then paused. His eyes widened. "No...I hurt you...I did...!"

X's voice shook. It tore at Zero's core, filling him with a pain that had become uncomfortably familiar in recent months. He didn't like seeing X upset, least of all blaming himself for something out of his control.

Zero gently shook his head. "I'm not hurt," he said soothingly. "I'm right here with you. Safe."

Zero didn't know what X had seen in his nightmare, but he didn't want to press the matter. He didn't want X to focus on unpleasant things, not in the state he was in. The machines connected to X's fragile body began to beep rapidly, getting a look from Zero. X needed to calm down at once, and Zero apparently wasn't helping.

Like usual.

Zero turned back to X. "Here," he said soothingly, "lay back down. You need your rest." He very carefully tried to ease X back down onto the bed.

X protested. "I don't want rest, I want you!"

Realizing what had just come out of his mouth, X suddenly lost his voice. He sucked in a breath, anticipation of Zero's reaction twisting up his insides.

The exclamation struck Zero speechless. The two stared at each other in silence, the gentle murmuring of machinery the only sound in the room.

X covered his face as a tiny sob escaped him. Zero couldn't form words. There was only one he even wanted to say, ever since the day he woke up in this new world. It was the first thing on his mind when he woke every day, and the last thing on his mind before he went to sleep at night.

The most beautiful word he had ever known.

The most beautiful person he had ever known.

"X," he murmured, "you don't have to say that. I know things aren't...normal. I can wait."

X sat hunched over on the bed with his head in his hands. At Zero's words, he suddenly raised up. His eyes burned holes into Zero, his tears still flowing. "And what if you can't? What if you get tired of me always blowing you off, or running away from you?"

Zero watched him at a total loss. He had no memories to help him know how to navigate feelings like this. He wished to god he had something to draw on -- anything.

But he was blank.

Just...blank.

X swallowed hard. He looked away, shoulders sagging. "You wouldn't...leave me, would you...Zero?"

Zero opened his mouth to answer, but X cut him off.

"Because I'm cold? Because I don't let you...t-touch me?" His voice tightened. "I thought you were dead. I thought I was a widower -- that I'd n-never see you again."

Zero struggled for words. He lifted his hand towards X, but then withdrew it. He looked away.

X sniffled. He was still trembling. "I shouldn't ask, but I ...need to know. You wouldn't just...leave...would you?"

"Never."

Zero answered without question.

Anger burned deep in his chest. Was it anger? It hurt, it burned...but not towards X. The fire burned towards himself. Towards time. Towards whatever had hurt X so much over the years; whatever had caused all this damage. Part of that was him, he knew that; but he didn't know the rest of the story, and some days, that fact bothered him. If it was a physical being that threatened X, Zero could fight it. He could not fight emotions. At least, he couldn't fight emotions with a sword. He only knew a few ways, and felt he wasn't all that good at the second option. Words weren't really his strong suit at the moment.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did," came the quiet, withered response from X. There was a sob. Then, a quick snort as the effects of years and years of trauma surged up into X's throat, overflowing before he could stop it. "Or maybe I would. I don't fucking know anymore."

Zero closed his eyes in a quiet sigh. "I would blame me," he said softly, "and I would want you to blame me, too."

X gazed over at his husband. His eyes were still wet, his frown deep. He looked so vulnerable.

Vulnerable and alone.

But he wasn't alone. He had Ciel, and Cerveau, and Axl, and Allouette...

X had him.

X had him for as long as he wanted.

Forever.

"Zero..."

The warbot was ripped out of his thoughts as X's pained voice hit a level of strain not yet heard. Zero's heart leapt up into his throat.

"X? Are you alright?" he nearly shouted. His hands moved to X's shoulders, softly pulling him upright.

X let himself be pulled, slowly reaching a trembling hand for Zero.

"You're exhausted." Zero was frantic. "I'll get Cerveau -- hold on!"

X's fingers wound themselves in Zero's hair and pulled tight. "No," he said weakly, "don't."

"But, X--"

"Just you," X sobbed. He pressed his head against Zero's chin, refusing to look him in the eye. "Just you. Please."

Zero hesitated. He listened to the machines for direction. X's heartbeat was quick, but steady. He was stressed, and Zero knew that calling Cerveau and his team into the room would only bring him more stress...

"Only if you try to become calm," Zero said gently, but his voice had a firm edge to it. It wasn't aggressive, just worried.

X silently nodded.

Zero wasn't happy with the idea of taking chances with X's health, but he had to admit...hearing X wanted to be near him...it made his heart feel full and bright. Chances like these were rare, and the deep ache he felt was so impossibly painful...

And the way X folded into his embrace as Zero climbed onto the bed beside him. It was as if X was speaking to him in a silent language; one that could not be spoken, only felt.

The notion sounded...familiar.

Something that couldn't be taken apart, analyzed, or defined; it could only be felt.

Zero felt a rush of something strange and wonderful as he felt X gently lay his cheek upon Zero's chest. He moved slowly, as if he was afraid to lay their bodies flush together... Zero softly curled an arm around his husband's back, gently cradling his head. His lips fell against that soft, dark hair, drinking deep of just the scent, the shape, feeling of X.

Despite not knowing exactly what to do just moments earlier, that was something Zero knew he could do. Zero could hold him.

Just hold him.

As long as he wanted, or as short as he wanted.

He could do that.

The unsettling beeps on the machine slowed down, gradually becoming steady, and quiet. Every now and then, X shivered, but he made no effort to move. Zero relished the closeness, deeply thankful to whatever had granted him this moment. He was careful with his hands, letting X choose where to tuck himself against Zero's body, and how much. Every last flinch was met with soothing sounds and lifted fingers, gently held away until his husband relaxed again.

Finally, the exhausted X drifted off to sleep. Zero's heart swelled until it felt absolutely huge in his chest, so happy was he that X had allowed him this close for this long.

X was at ease. At least enough to fall asleep, anyway.

He might not feel so safe upon waking, and he might cool off towards Zero over the next few days, but, Zero thought with determination, he could weather that storm.

It would be a process, that much he was sure of.

While he was pondering, X murmured in his sleep.

His name.

It was his name.

Zero finally broke. He pressed his nose to X's hair, softly nuzzling the top of his head. The overwhelming tide of adoration he felt...it was so much. He didn't voice his thoughts, but the words formed in his mind. He indulged them this time, closing his eyes and listening to his beloved simply breathe.

Please, X...

I want you to feel joy.

Please, just be happy... With or without me.

Please.

Notes:

I really pushed myself for this one I HOPE YOU LIKE IIIITTTTT!!!!!

I did my absolute best to stay in-character with everyone, but YANNOW, I had to put some things in there that I wanted to see... =u=;;; Tis this nature of a fan fic. I apologize if I colored a little outside the lines. I absolutely ADORE this AU, I want to eat it, all the time.

Please accept this gift! ; w ; And please do let me know what you think, if you don't mind... <3 It helps me grow.