Chapter Text
September 2022
This had to be the stupidest thing Arya Stark had ever done. Yet, now that she was in the limo with the group of nervous contestants and grinning producers, it was too late to pull out now.
“There he is!” a curvy redhead whispered breathlessly.
The other women gaped out of the tinted windows as the limo pulled up the driveway of the mansion. They started shrieking and exclaiming as if the stiff blonde man was a prince or a movie star.
“I’ll go first,” Arya announced. Not waiting for a response, she climbed over the redhead, careful not to stab her with the swords in her hand, and stepped out onto the wet pavement.
“You said I would be first!” and “She’s so pushy!” and “What a bitch!” and “Good luck!” followed Arya on the way out.
She slammed the door, cutting them off. Then she saw Tommy. Tommy and a crapton of cameras and crewmembers. His timid smile gave her courage. That and the swords in her hand. Arya returned the smile, strode forward, and threw one of the swords at him. Eyes wide, Tommy tried to catch it only to fumble and drop it. It took everything in Arya not to laugh. Thankfully the edges were blunted.
“Alright, let’s start again!” one of the producers called out.
Arya threw the sword again and this time the Bachelor was prepared. Not only did he catch it, but Tommy took up a fencing stance that mirrored her own. Their grins were genuine this time as they sparred across the driveway. Arya had seen a few videos on his TikTok of him fencing and knew he was only slightly above mediocre. But he tried hard and that fitted suit wasn't helping. Arya’s own white lace jumpsuit only had so much give as she moved too. So neither of them were at their best. Every so often, a producer would suggest they do some spin or jump or lock up their swords to get close together. The last time they locked blades, they were told to stop.
“We got the shots!” the producer said. “Good work! Now introduce yourselves.”
Dread curled up in Arya’s stomach as she prepared to say the line her own producer, Myranda Royce, had convinced her to use.
“My name is Arya and I came to fight for your heart!”
Tommy laughed. “I think you might have won it. I look forward to seeing you inside.”
She tapped his sword in farewell. “See you soon.”
It wouldn’t be too soon though. As the first limo exit, Arya would have to wait until the other 29 women made their own entrances.
“Wonderful work out there,” Myranda said. “Fencing was absolutely the way to go.”
Fencing had actually been a compromise. If she had her way, Arya would have simply greeted him and gone inside. But Myranda wanted more of a production. Her idea was to have Arya rolled out in a bathtub wearing a bikini, which Arya firmly refused. The next idea was to give her a horsehead mask that Tommy could remove, but just the idea of that gave Arya flashbacks of Sansa and Jeyne calling her “horseface” when they were kids. It wasn’t until Arya recalled seeing that Tommy liked fencing during her deep dive on him. That research allowed them to come to an agreement.
In truth, even if Myranda’s ideas hadn’t involved nudity and a horsehead, Arya still would have been hesitant to take any suggestion this woman made. The main advice Mom, Lommy, Daena, podcasters, and the book, How to Win the Bachelor gave was to be wary of the producers. It was their job to produce a show. Part of that meant pretending to be the best friends of the contestants, gaining their trust, drawing out their secrets, encouraging their worst behaviors and opinions, and convincing them to make some of the biggest mistakes of their lives. Yet, the producers were also the ones who could help them advance in the show.
So Arya gave Myranda her best customer service smile. “Thank you! Is it alright if I watch the rest of the limo exits?”
“Absolutely!” Myranda grabbed her hand and they raced down a side hall like school girls about to break some rules. They reached an enclosed porch with broad windows perfectly placed to view the driveway where Tommy hugged the curvy redhead from her limo before sending her inside. She must have missed one exit entirely because only two more followed from Arya’s limo. Both did nothing more than make Tommy laugh and hug him. Had the fencing been a bad idea? Would she look like an attention-seeking clown?
Fortunately, what followed was an absolute circus.
The parade of hopeful contestants ranged from monotonous to spectacular. Arya had decided that her own entrance had been somewhere in the middle as far as excitement went. But hers had involved the most active participation from Tommy other than the dance instruction. The only thing she wished she had done differently was hug him. One woman who wore a pink jumpsuit even did one of those hug jumps Arya had practiced with her brother in preparation for the show.
“I thought we weren’t supposed to do that until the dates start,” Arya blurted.
A handful of other women had joined her to watch, their producers lurking in the shadows behind them.
“I know, right!” Tansy said, one hand resting on her fake baby bump and the other swirling an untouched glass of wine.
Commenting on all they saw was kind of fun. Like watching a basketball or hockey game with a bunch of friends. Only, Arya had to watch her words the more comfortable she got. Twice, she nearly said something that might come off as rude or catty if edited right. Everything she said needed to be funny but not negative which was difficult because every time she was funny, it was usually an accident.
“Oh, no!” cried Teora, the redhead from Arya’s limo. “She's wearing the same dress as me! Only a couple of sizes smaller than mine. Can I change? Or get swallowed whole or something?”
“Sorry, we don’t have time,” Teora’s producer said, her face a mask of sinister sympathy.
This was no accident, Arya realized.
“You’ll just have to go out there and work it,” she found herself saying. “When you see her, just make a joke out of it and laugh.”
So far, Arya had only counted 31 contestants, including herself, meaning there should be one more. But the latest limo pulled away. That meant something special would happen with the last woman.
“So we got a woman riding in on a red horse, one being carried on a palinquin, a bathtub, a horse and carriage, and a Bentley,” Arya listed to her companions as a few men watered the driveway. “What else can happen?”
As it turned out, the next contestant simply came out of another limo. The curly-haired brunette also wore green, but in a different cut and style. She stepped out on gold heels that matched her gold jewelry. Her pants were fitted perfectly from what they could see of her legs peaking out from the long green and gold overskirt with each step she took.
“Holy shit!” one of the other women shrieked. “Oh, my gods! Oh, my gods!”
Arya looked around, body tense for an attack. Was someone being killed?
“Margaery?” Teora whispered. “That’s Margaery!”
“Gods be good, it is!” Tansy said. “That’s her!”
“Can you say her name and season?” a producer asked from behind them. “In a sentence, please.”
“Um, OK,” Tansy stammered. “Uh, I can’t believe Margaery from Gerris’ season is here. This is shocking!”
“Seriously?” Arya looked around at them. This is what they were freaking out about? In the two seasons of The Bachelor and one season of The Bachelorette she had managed to binge with her roommate Daena, each had a contestant from a previous season attempt to rejoin the competition of a new lead. If this was the twist of night one, it was an easy one for her to counter.
“Alright girls, let’s get you all into the main room,” one of the producers said like he was trying to indulgently wrangle a group of five-year-olds. “Make sure to let the other girls know who just dropped in.”
Arya laughed. Margaery hadn’t just “dropped in.” The show brought her in, in her own private limo. Were they supposed to pretend that she snuck in on her own? Apparently.
“Oh, my gods, you guys!" Tansy cried as soon as they entered the main room where all the women were grouped on couches or standing in corners. “Margaery is here”
“Who?” one woman asked.
“Margaery from Gerris’ season!”
“What is she doing here?”
“She’s already had her chance! She can’t just jump from season to season!”
“She is way too old for Tommy,” said the woman in the white sequined dress who had driven a Bentley to the mansion. “Isn’t she like 33 or something? That’s seven years too old for him.”
“We already had a cougar, we didn’t need another.”
Arya held her tongue and looked around the room. She found the portable bar placed unobtrusively to the side of the room.
“I can’t believe this!” The blond who wore Teora’s dress was already in tears. “It’s not fair ! She’s going to take up time from the rest of us!”
As the rest of the room descended into a frenzy of outrage and tears, Arya asked the bartender what the rules were for drinks. Everyone was on a strict two-drink-an-hour limit for alcoholic beverages, but everything else was unlimited. That was unfortunate since she had been counting on at least a few of her competitors getting drunk and making mistakes. She also learned the bartender’s name was Pynto. He was telling her of his exciting life at sea when Myranda gently nudged her back to the rest of the group so she was in frame in time for Margaery’s entrance.
Now that Arya had a clear view of the other woman with the full blare of studio lights, she recognized Margaery beyond just the curly brown hair. She was just as stunning as she had been on Gerris’ season. Only now, her confident smile was more timid. Arya couldn’t decide whether she was putting on an act as she greeted the room of women with a tremor in her voice. Once a handful of the contestants immediately went on the attack, Arya decided that the previous fear had been a farce. Now, with five women directly screaming at her, a crowd at their backs, Margaery appeared truly alarmed.
Arya noticed that some of the other women tried to wander away without joining in on the bombardment … only for their producers to usher them back. It was a relief to see that only a few were interested in attacking the newcomer. The trouble was, those attackers would get hordes of screentime when the episode aired, no matter how stupid their arguments were.
“You had your chance!”
“You’re not here for the right reasons!”
“You’re old enough to be Tommy’s mom, not his wife!”
“You’re clout chasing!”
“We have too many cougars here already!”
“Tommy deserves better than Gerris’ dumpster trash!”
“Shut up!” The words burst from Arya, surprising even her. Her instinct was to push forward in the group, but she glanced at her producer, who nodded vigorously.
So Arya strode to Margaery’s side and held out her hand. “Hi, I’m Arya.”
Suspicion filled the other woman’s brown eyes even as she shook Arya’s hand and introduced herself.
“Want to get a drink?” Arya asked and pulled the other woman to Pynto’s bar.
As they got their drinks, the other women kept trying to resume the fight, but Arya kept talking over them, eventually asking Margaery to show her around. The producers allowed them to flee as far as the pool area before sending them back to the couches for Tommy’s entrance.
Arya attempted to return to the bar to get a second drink so she could be the one to hand Tommy his. The book she read on how to win the competition insisted that was important and it would put her in the perfect position to talk to him first. But Myranda wasn’t having it. The producer ushered her to a place on the couch beside Margaery. While they waited, Arya debated whether it was worth it to interject with the other woman’s situation. When she watched Margaery on Gerris’ season, she seemed confident with the lead and friendly with the other women. It wasn’t as though she couldn’t have made it through the situation on her own. Besides, allowing herself to be attacked might have been a strategy on her part and Arya ruined it.
She gave Margaery her best smile and received one in return.
As they waited, she glanced around the room at all the women. The one who was wheeled in, in a bathtub was still in a bikini. The cougar still donned the cougar costume. One of Margaery’s main attackers – the blond with the smoky grey dress that transitioned into flames at the train – was handed a second glass of champagne by a producer. So apparently that role was assigned not arranged by the contestants. But why her? Arya realized she was making a face and quickly tried to smooth out her expression.
When Tommy strode into the room, everyone rose. Once again, many of the women started shrieking and exclaiming like they were in the presence of royalty or even a god. The truth was, while Tommy was cute, most of these ladies wouldn’t look twice at the man if they saw him at a club or passed him on the street.
Tommy’s hand shook a little as he took his drink from the blond and his green eyes moved over the grinning mob.
Arya hadn’t known what to expect from Tommy. During Daenerys’ season, he had come off as a shy, insecure virgin. But he was also a professional football player and from a wealthy family. Sure, he was no Loras Tyrell, but he didn’t fit with the typical shy, awkward types she had known. While watching, Arya had assumed he was playing a role the producers set for him to juxtapose the charming, confidence of Aegon and the dangerous swagger of Daario. But no, the visible and audible nervousness throughout the speech where he thanked them all for being part of his journey to find love was real.
The very second he was done talking, the blond who handed him the drink took the liberty of pulling him aside first. As the other women muttered about how pushy the blond was, Myranda came over to assure Arya that her own time was already scheduled.
“Why don’t we get you and Margaery – Hi girly! So glad you’re back! Why don’t we get you two outside for a chat to get to know each other?” Myranda ushered them to the door. “You’ll be the best of friends, I know it.”
Seated on an outdoor loveseat, the conversation began prompted along by the producer.
“Thank you for the rescue,” Margaery said. “I had no idea the other girls would be upset. But I can’t let them deter me. I know I’m following my heart and my heart is leading me to Tommy. Daenerys told me what a good man he was. She’s certain we’ll hit it off. Even if he isn’t my person, I know this is all part of my journey to find love.”
“Right…” Arya said. “I just remembered how you welcomed Jeyne Westerling when she came in late. You don’t deserve a bunch of assholes dogpiling you. So you’re still friends with Daenerys?”
She had seen the pictures and videos each of them posted on their Instagram and TikTok profiles of the two of them hanging out together but had assumed they did that for the likes and follows.
“Oh, yes.” She smiled. “Neither of us ended up with the Bachelor, but we walked away with each other and a lot of other friends from our season. That’s something to remember. You’ll spend way more time with the other women than the lead and you’re more likely to gain their friendship than-”
“Let’s get back on topic,” Myranda interrupted. “Why don’t we talk about how hot Tommy is?”
After an hour of chatting with the other women and continuously being prompted to gush over Tommy, Arya was finally allowed to talk to the man himself. The producers had them seated on another loveseat their swords propped up against the couch in an X. One of the many cameras panned up from the weapon and swept over them.
They’re trying to make us look good, Arya realized.
That might be promising for her longevity in the competition. But the question was, why? Did the producers have something planned for her? One of the previous season's villains claimed that she was positioned as the villain in storyboards even before the season began, giving her little way out of the role planned for her. What role did they intend for Arya?
The intentions of the producers might not matter given how awkward their conversation began.
“How’s your night been?” she asked. “You like being the Bachelor?”
“Yeah," he said, his hands opening and closing. “It’s great.”
“You’re nervous.”
“I’m not. I’m good. I’m OK.”
“So, you played for the Lannisport Lions,” Arya said, unfamiliar anxiety crawling up her chest. “How was that?”
Gods, what’s wrong with me? She was never this bad at talking. Yes, there were a ton of cameras on her with a crowd of people watching over them. But she had performed on stage during her time studying in Braavos. She could handle an audience. But there was something so strange about all this and the way Tommy fidgeted.
“Amazing,” Tommy said. “I loved every minute of it.”
“Tommy, why don’t you sit a little closer to her,” one of the producers said. “Maybe put your hand on her leg?”
“No, he’s not putting his hand on me!” Arya exclaimed.
Tommy’s eyes widened, showing some life for the first time.
“I mean, no offense, but we just met and we’re not allowed to drink enough to go straight into groping.”
While he chuckled, the producer smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes. “I didn’t take you for a prude. Does this mean no kissing either?”
“I don’t know,” Arya snapped. “We barely started talking.”
Myranda stepped forward, eyes crinkled in a forced grin. “Remember, Arya. You’re here to be open to finding love.”
“No!” Tommy cried. “It’s alright. It’s good!”
He scooted forward so their legs were closer, but made no move to touch her. “Arya, I respect that you want to go slowly. We all move at our own speed.” His green eyes held hers unblinking. “I prefer it too.”
Then it hit her like a punch in the face. Arya wasn’t just being pressured to jump straight into physical intimacy with Tommy. Tommy was being pressured to be physically affectionate with every woman here, whether he wanted to or not. The thought made her sick and pissed.
Arya grabbed the swords and stood, holding one out to Tommy. “Another round?”
His face lit up as he grabbed the sword.
As they clashed, dodged, and parried, the pair finally got to talking. Tommy told her of his time as a quarterback with the Lions and she gloated over how the Direwolves defeated the team at the Superbowl.
“That’s only because I wasn’t there,” he insisted.
“You were too busy finding love to support your team,” she accused. “The other players must hate you.”
“Some of them, yeah,” he said. “But this was too good an opportunity to pass up. Gods, how do you move so fast?”
Other contestants approached from time to time, plastic smiles on their faces saying something along the lines of, “Hiiiii! Do you mind if I steal him?”
“Yeah, I mind,” Arya said each time, not bothering to look at them as they stormed away.
“Alright!” a producer called. “We need more footage of you sitting and getting to know each other.”
Reluctantly, they returned to the loveseat. But this time, the nerves were exercised out of them and the conversation flowed more easily. They ended their time together with a hug. Arya was relieved to find that Tommy really was a good guy. That would make this opportunity a lot easier.
The more she thought about the situation though, Arya worried that the producers might not be very happy with her, despite how well it seemed to go. But Arya couldn’t regret not making out with him yet, especially when he didn’t want to either. If anything, she found herself worried about Tommy what with him being pressured to get intimately touchy-feely with 32 women.
She pondered this as she strolled back into the mansion and checked out the buffet table. All kinds of foods were laid out before Arya and she soon found her plate piled high. That’s when she got a tap on the shoulder.
“Hey girlie,” Myranda crooned. “So how do you think it went?”
“Good, I think.”
“I think so too! Tommy seemed really into you! He’ll give you a rose for sure. But for now, let’s head into the living room for a girl chat.”
Arya obeyed, bringing the brimming plate with her. Several women already filled up the “U” of couches leaving one spot in the center completely empty. That should have given her a hint of what was coming, but Arya was too focused on devouring the shrimp on her plate to analyze the situation.
The producers briefly introduced them all to each other and stepped back.
No sooner were they all settled than one of the women, Jennessa, sat forward and fixed Arya with a stern expression. “We need to talk to you.”
Arya had just taken a bite of shrimp, so she could only gesture encouragingly while chewing.
“The way you’re hogging up time with Tommy is inappropriate,” she declared. “We all came here to meet Tommy to see if he could be our future husband. But some of us might not be able to talk to him tonight because you monopolized his time and blocked us from seeing him. And for what? So you could play at swords with him? He’s looking for a wife, not a friend he can pal around with. What are you even doing here? You’re clearly not serious.”
By the end of this speech, Arya was on her last shrimp. Damn, they were good. Part of her ached to return to the buffet table for more despite the other food on her plate.
“You have nothing to say?” Saffron, the cougar in the cougar costume, demanded. “Oh, come on!”
“I heard that your spouse should be your best friend,” Arya said, considering how best to deal with this. There were a couple of strategies she had tossed around with Daena whenever they watched a couple of episodes of the show together. As the rest of the group continued complaining about her spending time with the man they all came to spend time with, she debated between walking away after thanking them for the great conversation and continuing to sit with them without saying anything more. She chose the latter since the longer they talked, the more likely they were to say something that would make them look bad. Sitting there, eating with a neutral expression might even be used for a comedic moment. It was made easier by how stupid their complaint was. How was yelling at her going to help them talk to Tommy? They should be seeking him out, not talking to her. Arya glanced at the producers sticking to the shadows. Or maybe this was all they were allowed to do?
Jennessa shot to her feet. “This is a fucking waste of time! You’re ridiculous! You didn’t come here to find love! You came here to screw around like a kid and ruin this journey for the rest of us!”
Then she ran away.
But Saffron wasn’t done. “You need to grow up and realize that there are other women here. This isn’t all about you.”
Arya stuffed the remaining cheese into her mouth to keep from pointing out that they were competing against each other, so there was no need to acknowledge each other’s rights.
Saffron departed as well, her cougar tail swishing behind her. That left Arya with the remaining women who hadn’t said anything.
“Have you guys tried the shrimp?” Arya asked, standing up. “They’re out of control.”
“I’m so nervous if I start eating, I won’t stop,” Teora said, even as she followed Arya to the buffet.
—
Episode 1 Season 38 | January 23, 2023
[Shot of Jennessa seated next to a candle during an In the Moment interview]
Jennessa: That bitch is a clown!
[Shot of Saffron in her cougar costume sitting next to Arya on the couch]
Jennessa’s voice over: Seriously! What self-respecting woman jumps into a cougar costume to meet her future husband?
[Shot of the back of Jennessa’s head, leaning forward toward Saffron and Arya]
Jennessa: We need to talk to you. We all came here to meet Tommy to see if he could be our future husband. What are you even doing here? You’re clearly not serious.
[Shot of Saffron]
Saffron: Oh come on!
[Shot of Arya eating, glancing back and forth between them.]
Jennessa: He’s looking for a wife, not a friend to pal around with.
[Shot of Saffron]
Saffron: You need to grow up and realize this isn’t all about you!
[Shot of Arya eating]
[Shot of Jennessa standing up]
Jennessa: This is a waste of time! You’re ridiculous! You didn’t come here to find love!
[Shot of Jennessa charging away]
[Shot of Saffron charging away]
[Shot of Arya standing up]
Arya: Have you guys tried the shrimp? They’re out of control.
—
INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT: @BachelorReels
*Reel of Arya eating while watching Jennessa and Saffron duke it out*
COMMENTS
@RingCollector99: Arya is us right now.
@ShierasEyebrow: Calling it now. Arya will be the season’s primary source for memeable content.
@thefinalrose: I’m counting on Bachelor Stats to keep a running tally of Arya’s lip-biting.
—
When Arya returned to the couches with Teora and Dancy, they chatted companionably, more contestants joining them as the evening waxed on. Dancy had them all laughing at one of her backstage pageant stories when a hush fell over the room. Producers ushered more contestants into the room and a few camera people moved to different positions.
Confused, Arya's gaze followed the direction they were pointed in to see a suddenly darkened hallway. From the darkness, a figure emerged, revealing the kindliest old man she had ever seen holding a tray bearing a single red rose. It was the host of the show. Without a word, he set the tray on the coffee table before the women. With a gentle smile that swept over all of them, he departed, leaving a sense of unease in his wake. Biting her lip, Arya glanced around, but every eye remained tethered to the tray and its contents.
The First Impression Rose.
“Why don’t you talk about how you’re feeling right now,” a producer said.
“Well, I-”
“No, talk to each other, not us.”
“Um, OK.” Teora brushed her red hair behind an ear. “Um. I’m nervous. That rose. It’s a big deal.”
“It means you’re staying at least for tonight,” Dancy said. “But the Bachelor usually doesn’t get engaged to the girl who gets the First Impression Rose. So, it’s important but kind of a curse too.”
“Maron didn’t even give his First Impression Rose a one-on-one,” added Bethany, the fair-skinned brunette who did a selfie with Tommy, using an actual camera as part of her limo exit.
“But Pate did pick his First Impression Rose,” Teora insisted.
Arya stood up again. “Anyone want to look around the mansion with me?”
The dread that settled upon her made Arya wish she had the sword back no matter how useless it would be. A distraction was definitely in order. Exploring the mansion was as good a destresser as anything.
Interestingly enough, the famous mansion wasn’t half as nice as it looked in the show. The bedrooms were stuffed with bunkbeds meaning they would be sleeping eight or six to a room if the number of beds was any indication, most of the building was closed off for production, and the appliances in the kitchen were outdated. So, if they did get to move in, the experience would be more like an over-cramped summer camp than the luxurious adventure they were promised.
“Hey girlie!” Myranda appeared beside Arya where she and a few of the others were chatting in the kitchen. “Why don’t we head outside?”
“Did you set up another ambush for me?” Arya asked, following.
Myranda laughed. “You handled that so well!”
She brought her to an outside couch where Margaery already sat, her own producer standing nearby.
“Excuse me?” Teora had followed them along with Dancy. “Do you know when I’ll have a chance to talk to Tommy?”
Myranda's smile crinkled her eyes menacingly. “Sorry, hon. You’ll have to ask your producer.”
“She said I have to wait!”
“Guess you got your answer then. Alright, ladies, let’s talk about Tommy!”
In between Teora, Dancy, and another woman, whose name Arya didn’t catch, fretting over not getting time with Tommy, Arya and Margaery were encouraged to gush over the time they already spend with him. The awkwardness was a special kind of torture.
“I bought so many clothes and quit my job!” Teora cried, her face deepening to a red that competed with her curly hair. “I have to at least talk to him!”
“Why can’t she talk to him?” Arya blurted. “Isn’t that why we’re all here?”
“Of course it is!” Myranda said. “Night one is so busy with all you girls so eager to meet the Bachelor. Why don’t you talk about how hot Tommy is?”
“Tommy is even hotter in person!”Margaery said. “I didn’t think that was possible!”
The other women took her lead, gushing over his green eyes and golden curls and his amazing smile. They went on and on for so long that Arya had to stiffly excuse herself. This was creepy as all hell.
She only managed to slip through the doors into the back of the mansion when Myranda caught up, slipping an arm through hers.
“Hey, do you want to see Tommy again?” the producer asked, conspiratorily.
“What?” Arya made a face at her. “Not everyone has talked to him yet. They’ll slit my throat if I try to talk to him again.”
“You can’t think about the others,” she insisted. “You came here to find love and Tommy really likes you. You owe it to both of you to spend as much time together as possible.”
She’s trying to get me shanked, Arya realized.
She physically bit her lip to keep from outright calling the other woman a liar. What would happen if she agreed? The other women would go ballistic. If she refused, Myranda might sabotage her or stop helping her as Teora’s producer seemed to outright neglect her.
“Alright, I’ll talk to him again,” Arya said.
They found Tommy talking with a dark-haired woman in a red jumpsuit. Arya recalled her entrance involving a warhorn. She spoke animatedly while the Bachelor’s face strained with a grin as he compulsively tugged at his tie. That must be how he told producers he wanted out of a conversation, Arya realized. She would have to keep an eye on that and try to regain his attention if he ever did that with her.
Tommy’s producers seemed pleased at her arrival.
“You’re a lifesaver,” one of them said. “This convo with Gwin just isn’t going anywhere. Tommy’s been trying to find a polite way out of it for a few minutes now. What you’re going to do is smile, greet them both with lots of positive energy and say, ‘Can I steal you for a sec?’ Tommy will thank Gwin for her time and walk that way with you. Got it?”
Arya bit her lip but nodded.
“Good! Remember, Tommy really likes you! You owe it to yourself to deepen this connection that’s growing between you.”
Her eyes widened and her teeth dug deeper into her lip. The producer just stared back at her, honesty exuding from his expression. What a liar.
“Smile!” Myranda hissed, nudging her forward.
This is a game we’re playing, Arya reminded herself, smiling and striding forward. It’s for the Wolf Den. This will help the Wolf Den.
“Hi,” Arya called out as she approached Tommy. “Do you mind if I steal you for a minute?”
The relief on Tommy’s face left Arya feeling guilty. Thankfully, Gwin didn’t notice his expression. She was too busy glaring at Arya.
“Didn’t you already have time with him?” Gwin demanded.
“Yeah,” Arya confirmed. “Can I steal you for a minute?”
Tommy shot to his feet. “Thanks, Gwin. It was really great getting to know you. “ He slid an arm through Arya’s and they rushed away. “You want a rematch?”
“Actually…” Arya bit her lip. “I want you to meet someone.”
They found Teora sitting with Margaery by the pool.
“You already know Margaery, but this is Teora,” Arya said. “She’s been really worried she might not get a chance to talk to you.”
“Oh, um OK,” he said sitting down.
“Want to get something to drink?” Arya asked Margaery pointedly.
The other woman smiled. “I’m not thirsty.”
The hell you aren’t, Arya thought. She was thirsty for screentime. But then all of them were.
“They need some time to talk,” she said. “Let's go.”
Still smiling, Margaery silently walked away with her. Arya expected her companion to lash out or at least say something snide. Instead, Margaery made small talk, asking where Arya was from and how she got on the show. As they chatted, Arya studied her, taking a read on what she might expect from this opponent in the coming weeks. And she could feel Margaery taking her measure in return. That gave Arya’s confidence a surge. If this professional contestant considered her worth evaluating, that might mean she could survive the night.
In the hours that followed, the pair stuck together as Margaery showed Arya around the mansion and they got to know the other women. She had heard that making alliances was vital, particularly ones she could make social media content with. So far, Margaery seemed a good option for cooking and gardening content while Arya and Elia Sand could do workouts and nutrition. Bess was a horse trainer on her family’s ranch, they might do horse content together. Saffron – who had decided to not be angry with her anymore – might work with her on content promoting women pursuing business careers. Rosamund didn’t seem like she would be a good fit to work with after this, but at least she seemed nice and friendly, though a little condescending.
Of the women she met, only Melissa and Bess A. were completely impossible to talk to. Melissa confidently proclaimed that she was Tommy's future wife and everyone else was just a pathetic roadblock in her journey to find love. Bess A. already seemed to attach herself to Melissa in a way that reminded Arya of Jeyne Poole's symbiotic relationship with Sansa.
For the most part, the producers left them to their own devices, likely dealing with their other charges. But around 3 a.m. Myranda reappeared.
“Hey, girlie! Having an amazing time? Here, I need you to come with me for a sec.”
Rising from the bench, Arya exchanged a look with her new allies. Most simply resumed their conversation, but Margaery glanced around suspiciously.
Myranda led Arya to a couch beside the pool where a handful of others sat.
Great, Arya thought. Another ambush.
Once she sat in the middle, as instructed, she waited for the bombardment. None came. They simply sat, shifting their gazes nervously from each other to the producers who stood at a short distance, watching them.
“You can talk,” one jovial producer said with a chuckle.
“About what?” one of the other contestants asked.
“Whatever you want. There are no rules here.”
Liar, Arya thought.
“Has anyone been to King’s Landing before?” she asked. “This is the first time for me.”
It was a weak prompt but the others latched onto it and meaningless small talk commenced.
No sooner did the conversation actually start getting interesting than Arya noticed Tommy entering the mansion. Were they trying to distract the group of them while he spoke to the others? What was the point of that?
Gasps and groans and curses could be heard in the distance as Tommy re-emerged carrying a rose. A wave of silence passed over the group as he approached … rose in hand.
“Ladies.” Tommy nodded at them all, smiling. “Arya, can I steal you for a sec?”
She bit her lip. “Sure.”
This could be a very good thing or a very bad thing. If he was giving her the First Impression Rose, that might mean he or the producers saw potential in her for the coming competition. Or they might be setting her up for a turnaround where she becomes a villain or, worse, fades into nothing.
They were seated in a secluded, beautiful location where the producers and cameras faded further into the background than usual.
“I know it’s only the first night we met,” Tommy said, seemingly to the rose in his hand. “But I already feel a strong connection with you. This is a relationship I really want to explore. Will you accept this rose and continue this journey with me?”
Arya knew her lines. She was supposed to say, Of course! I’m so excited to continue this journey with you! Or something stupid like that.
Instead, she blurted, “Did you decide to give me this rose or was it the producers?”
Tommy’s gaze shot up to meet hers, green eyes wide and blinking.
“I decided!” he snapped. “I’m not easily controlled like those podcasters and Redditters say! I’m the Bachelor, not the producers! This is my journey and I’m in control of it! Do you want this rose or not?”
A producer gave a loud clap of his hands before Arya could snap back. “Great first take. Now let’s try that again in a different way.”
Tommy dropped his gaze and sucked in a few deep breaths that he released slowly
“I’m sorry,” he said, raking a hand through his blond curls. “I’m just- This night has been so long and stressful. I just … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”
Arya forcibly shoved down her own annoyance at being yelled at. He was right. This was a long night with more to come. It was far worse for him than for her since he had to meet a stream of people he barely got a chance to really know before he had to start treating them like they were each his girlfriend. More than that, he had a crowd of producers and handlers looming over him and trying to guide his every breath.
“I get it,” Arya said. “We’re all exhausted and stressed out.”
They took their scene from the top as though the previous exchange never happened.
—
[Wide shot of Arya and Tommen sitting together in a scenic area of the mansion gardens as a romantic score plays]
Tommy voice-over: There was something special about Arya … from the start… I feel … very strongly… about her … already.
[Shot of Tommy over Arya’s shoulder.]
Tommy: “I know it’s only the first night we met. But I already feel a strong connection with you. This is a relationship I really want to explore. Will you accept this rose and continue this journey with me?”
[Shot of Arya biting her lip, looking pensively between Tommy and the rose.]
[Wide shot of Arya and Tommy as she takes the rose.]
Arya voice over: Of course!
[In The Moment (ITM) interview with Arya sitting in a dark room with a candle, holding the rose]
Arya: This is insane. All of it’s insane. It’s not real life.
[Shot of Arya and Tommy sitting together, talking inaudibly.]
Arya voice-over: Things like this… don’t happen … to me… It’s like… some fairytale … I could see … a life with Tommy… This could be … the beginning … of … forever.
[Arya and Tommy embrace as the camera zeroes in on the rose in her hand, that is pressed against his back.]
—
January 23, 2023
“I didn’t fucking say that!” Arya snarled into the cell phone.
“Of course you did!” Myranda chirped back. “Maybe not in that order or on that night but those were your words.”
“Yeah, the same way Saffron and Jennessa really fought each other instead of ganging up on me. You’re cutting up my footage to make me look crazy!”
“You look amazing!” the producer insisted. “The audience is loving you! Seriously! I’d get it if you were Melissa or Gwin or even Saffron. Their best selves really didn’t make it to the screen yet.”
Arya bit her lip and quickly stopped herself. It wasn’t until seeing herself on screen that she realized how often she did that.
Myranda wasn’t completely wrong. Melissa Hightower came off even worse than Arya remembered her being. In her ITMs she trashed nearly every other contestant. She mocked Saffron as a cougar, called Gwin an honorary man, made fun of Teora’s weight, labeled Eleyna a whore, and claimed that Layna was trailer trash. While Melissa was a complete asshole in the house, Arya couldn’t help wondering how much of her worst traits were heightened in the edit. She saw for herself how much her own words were twisted to make her seem like she was delusionally in love with Tommy after spending a few minutes with him. They could have twisted Melissa’s words just as easily.
“What else do I have to worry about?” Arya demanded. “How crazy am I going to look?”
“You don’t look crazy!” Myranda insisted. “You look like you’re falling in love. You look like you came on the show for the right reasons.”
Calm as still water, Arya chanted to herself. Calm as still water.
—
_____
CLASH OF ROSES: Bachelor Season 37 Episode 1 January 24, 2023
Asha Greyjoy: Welcome to Clash of Roses, a podcast bringing together the best commentators and analysts in Bachelor Nation! This is Asha from the Not Here to Make Friends podcast.
Petyr Baelish: This is Petyr from Tourney of Roses.
Varys: *giggles* Varys here, better known as Reality Spider.
Alyse Ladybright: Hello everyone, this is Alyse from Bachelor Stats.
Asha: And finally, the Bachelorwives, Amabel and Harra.
Amabel: Hello all!
Harra: How overproduced was this episode!
*everyone laughs*
Varys: So we’re jumping straight in.
Harra: Sorry, I’m still reeling from what I just watched. All those girls lying about how excited they were over Tommy. Pft. If I didn’t have a podcast, I wouldn’t have tuned in.
Asha: The main draw for any season of The Bachelor is always the pool of contestants. The Bachelor himself is always bland. Tommy’s the same as the others.
Petyr: Tommy is what you get if you put all the previous Bachelor’s into a baby generator app.
Alys: Only if you leave out the handful who weren’t white.
Varys: *giggles*
Petyr: Very true… But now! Let us sink to the depths of the gruesome and gory arena we know as The Bachelor. Last night, we witnessed swordplay, horses, a Bently, a sexy doctor, a fairytale princess, a false pregnancy, a cougar in a cougar costume, a night one huju, a sudsy woman in a bathtub, a pageant queen, a resurrection, and the largest bloodbath of the season as eight of the thirty-two women were sent home mere hours after arriving.
Asha: *laughs* Why are your recaps more entertaining than the show these days?
Petyr: Because I embrace the emotional manipulation and systemic humiliation at the core of this game.
Alyse: You aren’t exaggerating about the bloodbath. The premiere typically eliminates between 75% and 50% more contestants than any other round of the main game. Hometowns onward have an even more striking difference. Tonight, we lost eight of the thirty-two contestants, a whole fourth of the total women.
Amabel: Hopefully they kept the tags on all those new clothes they bought.
Asha: We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Back to limo exits. What did you think of the fencing? That was a new gimmick.
Petyr: It was brilliant. Arya is an astute player of the game. She clearly searched his social media to learn his interests and planned her strategy accordingly. Not only did she establish common ground, she created her own mini-date that brought his heart rate up and created a memorable moment. More importantly, she earned herself a prominent place in the promos for the lead-up to the season.
Varys: Ah yes, the infamous, “I came to fight for your heart.” It was a relief when it finally aired so we don’t have to hear it again.
Harra: Oh no, they’re sure to play it again at Women Tell All or After the Final Rose.
Petyr: Regardless, everyone is talking about her and the producers gave her a favored place as the first limo exit. Whether she was truly first or they chose to air it that way, we’ll never know. But the fact that the final product shows her first is just as significant as Margaery Tyrell’s resurrection into the game when she was the very last to step out of the final limo.
Asha: Of course Margaery was last. She’s the Night One twist.
Petyr: Ah, yes, but she was first on Gerris’ season and she had a deep run as the first impression rose recipient and fourth-place finisher. That’s the point. The first and last limo exits have meaning.
Asha: The cougar dressed as a cougar and Kezma Pahl decked out in jewels and pearls while being carried up the driveway in an old-fashioned Ghiscari palanquin made of ivory and gold were more interesting than both Margaery and Arya’s entrances.
Amabel: Can we talk about how Saffron, at the old age of 34, is considered a cougar? She’s only a year older than Margaery.
Harra: The way this show insults the bulk of its audience by calling these women old for being over 30 could alienate most of their viewer base. Saffron is playing into that!
Alyse: Yes, the audience is made up of 80% women over 30. But they treat their contestants who are over 30 as though they should be pulling up to a nursing home rather than the Bachelor mansion.
Asha: They treat all their women like shit. Eleyna and Talla are both in the medical profession, but both were put into sexy doctor and sexy nurse costumes. Layna is a lawyer for the Stranger’s sake, but all we saw of her on the show was her being wheeled out in a sudsy bathtub and had black boxes covering her most of the night before they finally let her get dressed for the rose ceremony.
Petyr: If this show was about the professional careers of these women, no one would watch.
Varys: As far as audience demographics go, most of these women who watch don’t see themselves as the 34-year-old cougar. They’re living out their fantasy through the younger women.
Alyse: That’s exactly what this show delivers: Fantasy and escapism. But I doubt Saffron leaning into the joke of being a cougar at 34 is meant to make her look bad. Jennessa and Melissa mocking her is setting up a rivalry. So it will help her remain in the competition longer. The producers will absolutely nurture that storyline as well as the rivalry between Bess B. and Bethany.
Petyr: Speaking of producers, my point about the first and last limo exits was proven when Arya received the First Impression Rose. It’s the producers, of course, who choose the FIR recipient.
Asha: No….
Harra: That’s not true.
Varys: I’ve interviewed former leads who say they chose the First Impression Rose recipient. They don’t always choose the order of eliminations because they don’t care about or even know most of the contestants. But honors like that?
Petyr: Tommy was chosen as Bachelor because he’s soft and pliable. I doubt he decides whether to breathe without producer approval. We’ll see in the coming episodes what the showrunners have planned for Arya.