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Put your empty hands in mine

Chapter 13

Notes:

Here we have it, folks. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

Chapter Text

Ben’s plan to avoid the Jedi at the festival by hiding out with Bail is stymied by the troopers running interference between him and his friend. Even Anakin gets in on it and dumps Luke in Ben’s arms before he disappears to try and sweet talk Padmé into a dance.

Ben cuddles the grumpy toddler, has a brief but cordial conversation with Mace Windu, and then Ben manages to foist Luke off on C-3PO. Padmé brought the protocol droid with her when she arrived. Apparently, Anakin constructed C-3PO as a child on Tatooine. Ben privately thinks Anakin should bring the droid to his next mind healer appointment. The healer would have a field day with C-3PO’s anxiety and how it is a reflection of Anakin’s childhood.

Speaking of mind healers, Ben wouldn’t mind slipping away to call his own. This is ostensibly a celebration, but there are too many Jedi for Ben let his guard down. And his plan to soothe his anxiety by hiding out with Bail has been successfully derailed by the combined efforts of the troopers.

What had been amusing at first and then an inconvenience is now enough to make Ben grit his teeth.

Before Ben can make his escape, Cody appears at his side. Cody has been the most popular person at the party. Everyone wants to talk to him, congratulate him on the settlement, or ask him about the plans for the future. Cody has weathered it well, but there’s a faint twitch in his right eye which implies he’s close to his limit.

“I can tell them to back off,” Cody says which would be a non-sequitur, but he and Ben are both looking at where Bail holds court on the far side of the clearing. “You should be allowed to visit with him. You’re…close.”

“He’s a dear friend,” Ben says. He notes the blush which dusts Cody’s cheeks, and the way Cody clenches his fists and then his jaw as if he’s holding something back. Ben isn’t cruel so he doesn’t let Cody continue to think that Ben and Bail have been meeting up for trysts or that Ben even wants to do that. “Not in that way. Not anymore, at least.”

Cody’s gaze flickers over to Ben. “Oh?”

But maybe Ben is cruel, unintentionally, because Cody no doubt believes without Bail as a rival, Ben’s affections are free to be given to another. Ben should tell Cody that he has been off-limits since early in their first meeting. Ben is attracted to Cody, yes, but his self-control is stronger than his desires.

“Bail and I set certain aspects of our relationship aside when I took this assignment. I didn’t want any appearance of impropriety.”

“You ended your relationship for us?” Cody asks.

“You make it sound more noble than it was. Bail and I, our relationship always had an end date, even if we didn’t know when it would be. He has a wife and a planet, and I’ve always been a wanderer.”

“You saw a place for yourself in his bed but not his home,” Cody says.

Ben has the distinct impression that Cody pities him. It doesn’t sit right with him. “Bail and I had a fulfilling relationship while it lasted. I have no regrets. As I said, we knew it would end at one point. This assignment was that point.”

“Is there anywhere you would consider making your home?” Cody asks bluntly.

Ben supposes they have been dancing around this, whatever unnamed thing is between them for some time now. Ben had found Cody attractive from the moment they meant, but he kept his attraction to himself. He knew there was nothing productive to be done with it. He didn’t expect Cody to return Ben’s feelings. And he certainly didn’t expect such a direct question like this.

He should have. Cody is a man of a war, a man of action. Settling Hasiera has been a project in teaching the troopers they’re allowed to want and that they’re allowed to have the things they want.

And Cody has identified Ben as someone he wants.

Ben is humbled, but he is also pained, because he knows his answer will hurt Cody. It may, perhaps, signal the end of Ben’s time here.

Before Ben can answer, they’re approached by Yoda and one of Ben’s AgriCorps supervisors, a Mirilian named Maishi. Maishi has pink skin, and she wears her black hair short in order to call attention to the tattoos on her face. Ben knows the tattoos have personal and cultural significance, but he doesn’t know Maishi well enough to know what hers mean.

He bows to Yoda and then Maishi. Next to him, Cody inclines his head in greeting.

“Successful, your partnership has been,” Yoda says. He has navigated the party today on his hoverchair to make him at an equal height with the others. He perches on his cushion and looks at Ben as if there are no secrets in Ben’s mind hidden from the Jedi.

Ben had once been part of Yoda’s lineage. And, if Cody’s suspicions are right, Yoda had picked Ben out as someone he wanted part of that lineage. Does he recognize Ben? Or have the years shaped Ben’s Force signature into something unrecognizable?

“We were both invested in Hasiera’s success,” Ben answers diplomatically. “But the bulk of the credit goes to Cody and his brothers. Hasiera thrives because of them. For them.”

“We’ve read your reports,” Maishi says and the look she fixes Ben with tells him she won’t let him wriggle out of acknowledgement. “Of particular interest was the recovery and then replanting of the tuber crop. Jedi Master Koon says he was disappointed to arrive in the aftermath.”

Ben senses a trap, but he isn’t sure how to escape it.

“His observations, as well as the observations of the local troopers were added as an addendum to your report. It has garnered much interest, both within the AgriCorps and the Jedi Order. Given the size and scope of the Hasiera settlement, the AgriCorps feels as though it’s in the best interest of the planet to host a permanent AgriCorps posting here. Master Yoda has suggested we take it a step further and create a school of study.”

“Embrace ourselves, we must,” Master Yoda says. “Failed many, we have. Your example, we wish to follow.”

Ben shakes his head. “What?” he asks weakly.

“An agricultural university on Hasiera would provide a place of learning for AgriCorps members, for traditional Jedi, and for those without any Force sensitivity at all,” Maishi says. “There are generations of work to be done here. There will always be opportunities for hands-on experience. Has no one mentioned this to you?” Maishi’s gaze slides over to Cody.

“We’ve been busy preparing for the festival,” Cody answers.

“Hmm.” Maishi doesn’t seem convinced. She turns back to Ben. “We are moving forward with our plans. You are our first choice to oversee this school. Think on it.”

“I will.” Ben covers his surprise with a polite smile and another bow. “Thank you for the compliment, Supervisor Maishi.”

“Grown well, you have,” Yoda tells Ben. “Proud, you should be, for the man you are. For the Jedi you have become.”

“Thank you, Master Yoda. I suppose, the will of the Force is paramount, after all.”

“In the right place, you were, when needed, you were.” Yoda sighs and his ears flatten against his head. “Will of the Force, not always clear or kind it is, hmm?”

“No,” Ben agrees. “If you will excuse me, I must go check on my son.”

Ben leaves the group before any of them can call him back. He does check on Boba, who is content to eat and hang out with his friends, far from any of the Jedi visitors. Assured that Boba is fine, Ben slips out of the party entirely. He has too much on his mind to play nice anymore.

He doesn’t head for the mountains, because he knows the visitors are excited by both the hot springs and the Wellspring. He goes toward the river instead, and he sits along the bank of it and watches the water flow past.

A school.

The AgriCorps is building a school, where they intend to train anyone who is interested in the way of agriculture. It will be open to those with the Force or without. It will be open to AgriCorps members and regular Jedi as well.

It could be a permanent posting. If Ben agreed, he would have a reason to stay here on Hasiera. And he could teach, pass on what he’s learned to anyone who is interested in learning.

Cody knew about it. It might have even been his suggestion. What does that mean?

Ben tosses a few stones in the water. Rather than skipping across the surface, they sink to the bottom. He senses someone approach, and he would recognize their Force signature anywhere. He doesn’t look away from his contemplation of the river. “You should be celebrating.”

Cody sits next to Ben. He’s in a mix of Hasiera’s military-like uniform and pieces of his armor. He sits with his feet planted on the ground and his knees bent. He wraps his arms loosely around his legs and watches Ben toss another two rocks into the river.

“It was my idea,” Cody says. “After you transplanted the tubers, and you said there was no one who could do what you did, I knew we had a problem. Serving in the military taught me the importance of back-ups and back-ups to the back-ups. If there was only one person to do a job, then you would inevitably get screwed over.”

“You are a strategist, and you care for your people,” Ben says.

“And I wanted to give you a reason to stay,” Cody continues. “I was worried with our first harvest festival under our belts, you would start looking for excuses to leave and I’m—” Cody swallows thickly, “I’m selfish enough that I want you to stay. I didn’t mean for you to be surprised by Supervisor Maishi. I had intended to tell you myself.”

“It’s quite alright,” Ben says.

“You never answered my question,” Cody says. “Would you consider making a home somewhere?”

Ben inhales deeply and then exhales slowly. Cody wants him here. He has created an excuse for Ben to stay. All Ben has to do is accept it.

And then what?

“What do you want from me?” Ben asks.

Cody turns to look at him. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Ben meets Cody’s gaze briefly and then looks away. He doesn’t have half of Cody’s bravery. “The longest relationship I’ve had was with a married man. If things ended poorly between us, I could easily avoid his planet. But if I make my home here and—” Ben can’t quite bring himself to finish the thought.

“I wouldn’t kick you out of your home,” Cody promises. “Whether we’re together, we’ve broken up or were never together to begin with, there is a place for you here on Hasiera.”

Ben shakes his head. In his experience, things that sound too good to be true, often are. There is a catch, there is always a catch, and he won’t be lulled into believing he can belong here. There was no home for him with the Jedi, no home for him with his family. He found a purpose with the AgriCorps, but it didn’t give him anything more.

“And,” Cody clears his throat and continues. “If that’s your only reason for resisting a relationship with me, then you should let me take you to dinner. Fear of a possibility shouldn’t keep you from something you want.”

“I’ve only had casual relationships,” Ben says. “My work and Boba has always had to come first, and I always knew I would leave at some point. I’m not sure I could be casual with you.”

“I also have work and a family,” Cody points out. “But I won’t pressure you. I’ve made my offer. Let me know if you want to accept.”

“Now?” Ben asks.

Cody huffs a quiet laugh. “You can think about it. As I said, I’m not going to pressure you.”

“I feel as though I’ve done nothing but think about you,” Ben mutters. And then he realizes what he’s just implied, and he flushes.

Cody just laughs quietly again. “It’s been the same for me. Our training on Kamino taught us we were made for the Jedi. I fought a war alongside generals and high generals and commanders. And then the war ended, and I met you, and you were nothing like the other Jedi I’ve met. Well…” Cody’s eyes light up as his smiles. “You’re just as reckless and have no sense of your own limits.”

“Go back to saying nice things,” Ben says. “I liked that better.”

Cody stretches out on his back and looks up at Hasiera’s sky. “Your staying isn’t contingent on a relationship between us. You can accept the teaching position whether we’re romantically involved or not.”

Ben settles down on the grass next to Cody. “You’re a good man.”

#

Ben and Cody’s first date goes better than Ben expected. When he accepted Cody’s offer, Cody arranged for them to eat at one of the many food stalls which has popped up since Hasiera’s first harvest came in. They take their food and eat while they walk. They keep up a quiet conversation, occasionally interrupted by pointing out Echo’s spies.

Cody complains that they’ve lost all subtly and subterfuge since the war ended, and Ben makes sure to brush some dirt off Cody’s shoulder and wipe invisible sauce off his cheek in order to mess with Echo’s data collectors.

Their date ends near the river, where there’s no audience to capture the way Cody cups Ben’s cheek gently before he leans in to leave the softest kiss Ben has ever had against Ben’s lips. Cody walks with Ben back to Ben’s apartment after, but there are no more kisses. Instead, Cody strides purposefully down the hall and Ben leans in his doorway and watches him wistfully. Once Cody turns the corner, Ben makes eye contact with Jesse and winks before he ducks inside his apartment.

The first date was Cody’s to plan which means the second is Ben’s. He sticks with food and then he recruits help.

“Tiingilar?” Boba’s suspicious as he joins Ben in the apartment.

Ben gestures to the array of ingredients on the counter. “Our favorite kind, even. I wanted you to help me make it.”

Boba’s suspicion grows as he shuffles over to inspect the ingredients Ben set out. He pokes at the peppers; they come in three different varieties and five colors. “Who are you trying to impress?”

“Am I that obvious?” Ben asks.

Boba pinches the stem of a chikkik pepper between his fingers and holds it up. The lavender pepper is spherical in shape and while its shell is good for flavor, it’s the seeds of the chikkik pepper which it’s most valued for.

“Fair enough,” Ben says. He leans against the counter. “Do you remember when you were upset about Echo’s spreadsheets?”

“You told me I wouldn’t find out about a relationship you were in from the rumor mill.” Boba gasps and drops the pepper back onto the counter. “Buir?”

“Cody and I are dating,” Ben says.

Boba darts forward and throws his arms around Ben in a tight hug.

“Yes, yes.” Ben awkwardly pats Boba’s head.

“We’re going to make the best tiingilar,” Boba says. He squeezes Ben hard enough for Ben’s ribs to creak and then he darts back to their array of ingredients. “Does this mean you’re going to accept the teaching position? Everyone says it was created to try and lure you into staying. Echo says…” Boba trails off and then darts a look at Ben as if hoping Ben will have somehow not heard that last bit.

Since Ben doesn’t want to know Echo’s thoughts on what they could do to lure him into staying, Ben doesn’t pursue the subject. Instead, he drops the cut of meat he selected into the slow cooker. He adds a liberal amount of spices and then, when Boba’s back is turned, adds another two shakes.

He places the lid on the slow cooker and then he and Boba work side by side as they chop vegetables.

#

Ben invites Boba to eat with him and Cody which Boba agrees to, mostly because he wants to eat the tiingilar he helped make. Ben’s pretty sure this is what paradise is for him, his family eating a shared meal together, and the promise of a little fun once the dishes are done.

Boba eats two large helpings of casserole, and Ben can see him eyeing the dish, even as he rubs his stomach, trying to determine if there’s any space left for more food.

“I’ll send you home with some,” Ben promises, because he doesn’t want Boba to make himself sick.

“Enough for Jumper and Cupcake too?” Boba pushes.

“Only if you actually share with them,” Ben answers. He takes his plate and Cody’s as well as he goes into the kitchen. He grabs a dish with a lid and fills it to the brim with leftovers. And then he selects a second and fills it for Cody.

Boba makes a gagging sound from the table.

“Oh, is that how it’s going to be?” Ben asks. He turns so Boba can see the look of sheer delight on Ben’s face and react appropriately. Ben can’t help but grin as Boba glances toward the door, as if calculating how long it will take to escape. Ben hands Boba his bowl of leftovers. And then he circles the table so he can kiss Cody thoroughly.

Ben’s lips are already buzzing from the tiingilar, but the kiss is still pretty spectacular.

Buir!”

“What?” Ben asks, innocently, as he looks over at Boba. “Oh, did you think now that I was in a relationship, you could tease me over it? Boba, my child, it’s as though you don’t even know me. It’s my job as your buir to thoroughly embarrass you using any means at my disposal.”

“I’m telling Echo about this,” Boba huffs.

“Take a picture or he won’t believe you,” Cody advises and then he pulls Ben down so he can kiss him slowly, leisurely, giving Boba plenty of time to take said picture.

Instead, Boba makes an outraged sound in the back of his throat. A moment later, Ben hears the tell-tale sound of the door closing. He breaks his and Cody’s kiss long enough to confirm they’re now alone in the apartment. And then he takes Cody’s hand and leads him to Ben’s bedroom.

“You are devious,” Ben says, and he sounds as besotted as he feels.

Cody grins and pushes Ben down onto the bed. He follows Ben down and straddles him, Cody’s powerful thighs bracketing Ben’s waist. “I bet we can thoroughly fuck up the betting pool.”

“I’ve heard of fake dating, but I’ve never heard of fake not-dating,” Ben says. “I do enjoy a good challenge.”

“I’m sure I can manage to give you one or two of those,” Cody says. He grins and leans down to kiss Ben again. This time, he doesn’t stop until they’re both rutting against each other, half-hard like they’re teenagers and not fully grown adults. Cody trails his fingers over Ben’s eyebrow and then down the bridge of his nose. He thumbs at Ben’s bottom lip. “Is this too fast?”

Ben laughs and rolls them so they’re side-by-side on the bed. It’s his turn to trace Cody’s features; first the strong, dark eyebrows which are expressive enough to have a language of their own. He traces the curve of Cody’s scar and then sweeps his thumbs over Cody’s cheekbones.

“I’m not sure this is too fast so much as what we’ve done up to this point has been too slow.”

“I didn’t want to scare you off,” Cody says.

“Are you calling me skittish?” Ben’s amused and doesn’t bother to hide his smile. He’s been accused of being many things in his life. Skittish has never been one of them.

“Are you saying I’m wrong?” Cody arches his perfect eyebrows and Ben is helpless to do anything but lean in for another kiss.

Perhaps, Ben is skittish. And while he doesn’t need gentle handling, he wouldn’t be opposed to something slow and lingering for his and Cody’s first time. Later, they will have plenty of time for stolen moments and quick gropes in storage closets. But there’s no rush right now.

There is no war outside their door, no looming crisis. Neither of them are needed. There is plenty of want but they have an entire night to address that. And then, after tonight…

After tonight, it is Cody’s turn to plan their next date. There is no need for Ben to panic or worry about how far out their future will go. They will take it one day at a time. One moment at a time.

And right now, Ben is fully committed to enjoying this moment.

Ben rolls them again. Cody ends up on top again, his weight a heavy comfort against Ben’s body. Cody leans back on his heels. His eyes are bright with desire and his lips are a shade darker than they were before they began kissing. He is relaxed, and his gaze roams over Ben’s face as if cataloguing all of the matching details Ben is sporting.

“You have me,” Ben says. Tonight. Tomorrow. For however long they walk this path together. “What do you intend to do with me?”

“I intend to keep you,” Cody says and then he captures Ben’s lips in their most passionate kiss yet.