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Drenched in the merciless downpour, Kohei found himself drowning in a tsunami of memories. His mind spun dazedly, and though a deep chill soaked him to the bone, all of that was blocked out.
Flanking Kohei were Aoi and Misaki, also deep in thought. Misaki had his head tilted skyward, allowing the rain to lash at his face. Aoi meanwhile was slumped against the wall, his legs having all but given out underneath him. The trio was silent, the drone of the rain easily masking their uneasy, ragged breathing. All of them were numb, swallowed up by a storm of their own.
When were they going to reveal their fated secret?
The truth about Sakutaro and Futa’s amnesia had been eating away at Kohei, Aoi, and Misaki for days now. Ever since longing had been revealed, the memories they had once suppressed had burst to the surface, ensnaring them in a nightmare they had barely managed to keep at bay. But now, it seemed as if things were threatening to spill over in ways worse than they had imagined.
“Kounii-chan?”
Kohei startled and snapped his eyes open. Turning, he saw Futa approaching him with a concerned expression.
“I’ve been looking for y’all.” Futa looked Kohei, Aoi, and Misaki over worriedly. “Are you guys okay? Y’all seem really tired.”
“Ah, Futa…” Kohei shook himself off. “Sorry. We got caught up in something, and it started raining before we realized it.”
“Mhm,” Misaki mumbled as he pulled himself out of his reverie. “Ah…did I fall asleep? I guess even I got exhausted, huh?” His flat tone did little to help his thinly-veiled lie.
Futa looked between Misaki and Kohei, then crouched in front of Aoi. “Hey, Aoi. Can you hear me?”
Aoi raised his head and blinked dazedly. “Futa?”
At this Futa seemed dumbstruck. “I can’t believe it! Y’all really did fall asleep in the rain!”
A chuckle slipped free from Kohei before he realized it. Futa was always like this, looking out for his childhood friends. “Thanks for coming to check on us, Futa. We appreciate it.”
Futa took Aoi’s hand and pulled the latter to his feet. Together the four trudged back inside, the fog continuing to hang over Kohei, Aoi, and Misaki while Futa looked between them, bewildered. Not even the warm lights and colorful, bright sweets adorning the candy shop below their sharehouse could shake them from their stupor.
A flight of stairs later they arrived at their sharehouse, where they found Yamato quietly playing with Rex. Aoi shrunk back a touch as he spotted the latter, nearly clinging to Kohei. Noticing this, Kohei placed a comforting arm around Aoi with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. For a long moment, no one was sure of what to say.
“What’s going on with y’all?” Now Futa seemed truly concerned. “First ya stand out in the rain for nearly an hour, and now you’re so quiet. Did you guys get in a fight or something?”
“No!” Aoi burst out. “We didn’t! It’s just…” He trailed off with a groan as he buried his head in his hands. At this, Kohei and Misaki exchanged solemn glances, then nodded.
Drawing in a deep breath, Kohei squared his shoulders and turned to Futa. “Futa…there’s something we need to talk to you about.”
Futa tilted his head. “What is it?”
“It’s…” Kohei trailed off, the words lodging in his throat. No matter how hard he tried to speak, they refused to come out. His tongue and throat had become dry as sandpaper, his stomach knotting so tight with dread it cramped. Aoi and Misaki didn’t fare much better, their faces similarly dark. Aoi looked like he was about to cry, while Misaki was barely hiding an agonized grimace. As if sensing the atmosphere in the room, Yamato stood and turned towards them, Rex perched atop his head.
The temperature in the room dropped further with every second. Finally, Kohei grit his teeth and pushed out the words. “It’s…it’s about Sakutaro.”
“Sakutaro? What’s goin’ on with him?” Futa seemed a touch alarmed now, glancing about to and fro in search of his saxophone. “Come to think of it, I don’t see him in my room. I hope I didn’t leave him out in the rain or—”
“It’s not about that, Futa.” Aoi spoke up now, his voice low and tremulous. He turned towards Kohei desperately. “I…We…”
“Just spit it out already,” Yamato snapped, folding his arms brusquely. “Stalling like that isn’t going to do you any good.”
“We’re trying!” Misaki’s shout tore through the room, startling everyone. “We’re trying! It’s just…” He trailed off, his voice thick.
Yamato cut him off with a rough shake of his head. “Just trying won’t cut it from the looks of you.” He eyed Kohei with a gaze that made the latter’s stomach knot. “You three are hiding something, aren’t you? There’s no point in keeping secrets any longer, unless you want whatever mess you all are in to get worse.”
As much as Kohei hated Yamato’s abrasiveness, the latter was right. They had kept their past buried haphazardly for too long. Now it was seeping to the surface like magma seeking an escape, threatening to erupt and burn them all to ash in a flame that no amount of rain could quench.
Futa’s confused voice shattered the silence. “What’s all this about a secret? You guys alright?”
Where could they even begin?
Finally, Kohei beckoned everyone to the table in the center of the living room. The five clustered around it mutely, tension hanging in the air.
“The Sakutaro you think you know is not the true Sakutaro,” Aoi began, the words stinging like icy needles.
Futa tilted his head inquisitively, the innocence in his eyes cracking Kohei’s heart. “What do ya mean?”
“Sakutaro was your older brother, Futa,” Misaki replied. “Your older brother, and one of our closest friends.”
“My older brother…?” Futa looked between everyone, bewildered, before finally settling on Kohei. “The only older brother I’ve ever had was you, Kounii-chan.”
Despite the turmoil welling up in his chest, Kohei forced his voice to remain calm. “No. You really did have an older brother. He was the one who took care of you, who paid for all your games at the 10-yen arcade, who bought us all the sweets that you loved so much. It was all Sakutaro.”
Bewilderment and disbelief contorted across Futa’s face. Then he squeezed his eyes shut, as if he was trying to remember something.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kohei noticed Yamato’s silent, intent gaze, mixed with confusion. Yamato fiddled with his hat, then stopped. “This Sakutaro…what happened to him? With the way you keep tiptoeing around it, it must’ve been something serious, huh?”
“You stay out of this,” Misaki almost snarled. “This is none of your business, ya hear?”
Yamato opened his mouth to retort, but ultimately held his tongue. The air was charged with tension now, the pit in Kohei’s stomach growing deeper and more painful by the second. He did not foresee this going well – and yet none of them had a choice now. It was going to be now or never.
“There…there was an accident, when we were all young.” Kohei’s mouth was dry as sandpaper, and he was practically choking on his words. “Your brother had to spend a lot of time in the hospital as a result. The doctors all did what they could but…in the end, he didn’t make it.”
A thick, stony silence fell upon the group. Kohei’s heart shattered as Futa’s eyes widened in realization and shock.
“You mean…he…”
“He died, didn’t he?” Yamato’s voice was as if someone had grabbed a baseball bat and smashed it through the nearest window. The air grew electrified as everyone turned towards him, shocked.
“Yamato!” Aoi shouted.
But Yamato didn’t budge an inch. “It’s the truth, right? You all have been tiptoeing around it, coddling your baby brother’s fragile heart and deluding him all these years. But look at where it got you.”
Immediately Misaki leapt to his feet and rounded on Yamato. “How the hell can ya say that?! You don’t understand a single thing that’s going on!” Misaki grabbed Yamato by his collar and shook him, nearly knocking a startled Rex off the latter’s hat in the process. “Don’t you dare say those things about us or Sakutaro!!”
Amidst the chaos, however, Kohei could see that Futa had gone deathly silent. The latter was slumped on the floor now, his eyes wide and glassy in shock. Only when a whimper broke free did Misaki and Yamato freeze, glancing over at Futa worriedly.
“Sakutaro, my older brother…he died…?”
A dazed silence fell upon the room like a stifling fog. Everyone was all but choking on it, drowning in a sea of emotions and memories no one thought in their worst nightmares they’d ever relive.
“Yes. But you…you don’t remember that, don’t you?” Kohei lowered his head, his vision blurring with hot tears. “That song, longing, was dedicated to him. But you didn’t know that, and yet…”
Kohei trailed off as he saw Futa’s shoulders trembling. It was then that he saw tears falling from Futa’s eyes, dripping like rain to soak the floor below. Immediately Kohei’s heart dropped, his blood pounding in his ears. “Futa?”
A series of shuddering sobs were the only answer to his words. Gradually they grew and grew, before erupting into a long wail that rent Kohei’s heart and left him stunned. But soon he too found himself no longer able to hold back his tears, and eventually he fell alongside Aoi and Misaki.
For what seemed like an eternity the air burned with grief incarnate, years upon years of suppressed pain finally pouring free in heart-wracking sobs. Now they had truly been pulled under, agonizing memories lashing at them just as they were barely able to draw breath. Amidst it all Yamato and Rex watched them silently, as if at a loss of what to say or do.
Gradually the storm calmed, leaving a dazed stillness in its wake. As the four finally quieted, the only thing remaining was a dull ringing in Kohei’s ears that muffled all other sounds. The ceiling light burned harshly, spears of light lancing his vision and forcing him to turn towards the shadows.
“Now it’s finally out in the open, isn’t it?” Yamato’s voice grated against Kohei’s ears.
“No thanks to you, you bastard,” Misaki spat.
The fire in Kohei’s blood thickened, yet he had no strength to further refute Yamato’s words. All he could do was clench his teeth with a pitiful growl.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kohei noticed Aoi trying futilely to comfort a dazed, seemingly inconsolable Futa while Misaki glanced anxiously between Kohei, Aoi, Futa, and Yamato. There was no other sound than Futa’s thin sobs, yet each one stung as sharp as jagged glass.
Finally, Kohei slowly pulled himself to his feet and shook himself off. Now that the fire had burned away, all he wanted to do was run away and hide. The old wounds had been torn wide open again, raw and searing with agony at even the slightest breeze.
“So…what now?”
The words slipped out in a barely audible whisper. Kohei turned to find Misaki slumped limply on the floor, staring down at his knees.
Truth be told, Kohei had no idea how to answer that question. All he could do was exhaustedly shake his head, tearing his gaze away from his despondent friends. He just wanted to go to his room and sleep.
So in the end, Kohei slipped away, leaving the chaos of the storm behind him. The moment he retreated to the safety of his room Kohei collapsed onto his bed, having little strength to do anything else besides curl up. Memories played through his mind in an endless loop, blurring quickly into a torturous cacophony that brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes. Their world as they knew it had been utterly upturned, leaving them to face a frightening, uncertain future.
“Sakutaro…Futa…I’m sorry, that I couldn’t protect you that day…”
With those thoughts swirling in Kohei’s mind, he was soon dragged into a restless haze, all else lost to the void.