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1. Much Ado About Nothing
“There was a star danced, and under that was I born!”
The Red Hood’s henchmen, also known as the Merry Men to most Gothamites, all relaxed when they heard the words out of their boss’ mouth after the brief tense silence that had been borne from the moment Hood had slammed open the warehouse doors.
Maddie, the newest of the Merry bunch, looked confused, “Is tha’ a code or sumthin’?”
“No, it’s Shakespeare,” Bill replied, the seasoned henchman and mentor to most of the younger ones that joined up under Hood for his protection.
Maddie still looked confused, “So… we launderin’ usin’ a theatre now?”
Bill just snorted, “Nah kid, it means that the Boss is happy.”
“So quotin’ Shakespeare means tha’ he’s happy? Tha’s weird but okay,” Maddie shrugged.
“ No ,” Bill corrected. “He quotes Much Ado About Nothing when he’s happy.”
“An’ he quotes other Shakespeare works when he’s not?”
“If it’s a comedy, you’re good. If it’s a tragedy, then he’s in a mood and you should let one of us older goons take care of it,” He shrugged. “Though, if you want a bonus you can quote back at him.”
“Wait, wha’?”
Brandishing a USB stick, Hood was standing on a table, “Miracle! Here's our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee, but by this light I take thee for pity.” He jeered as he took his helmet off, exposing the youthful face partially covered by a domino mask. “Black Mask has sent us a love letter!”
“I can see he is not in your good books,” Bill replied, crossing his arms and looking amused.
“No, and if he were I would burn my library,” Hood crowed back, looking the very picture of victory.
“What’s Black Mask fucked up now?” Another goon asked, interested in causing trouble for the trafficker.
“When he departs from me sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave!” Hood quoted. “Mask has so helpfully left Gotham for a week, leaving his information oh so woefully vulnerable, and, goodness, am I not one who takes care of the vulnerable?”
He waved the USB stick, “For man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion!”
“When do we strike?” Bill asked.
Hood jumped off the table, letting his boots thump loudly on the concrete floor, “Tonight!”
2. Twelfth Night
Jason entered the Manor library and beelined towards the poetry section.
Dick paused his explanation on quadratics to Damian to stare at him, which Jason promptly dismissed with a wave of a hand and a lazy, “If music be the food of love, play on.”
Damian scowled at the casual quote from his brother, annoyed at the way that Todd would sometimes spend whole days quoting different pieces of literature and it was on the rest of the family to interpret his meaning. It could be just as Father sometimes, not that he would ever tell Todd that; Jason would rocket straight from Much Ado to Hamlet if he ever heard that one.
“You sound like a petty court fool spouting lines as you do,” He spat.
Jason leaned back around the bookshelf half hiding him to raise an eyebrow at him, “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.”
Damian growled, but a hand on his shoulder from Dick stopped him, “Dami, he’s calm and not causing anyone any trouble right now. Don’t antagonize him.”
Damian sat back down with a huff, “Fine.”
3. Romeo and Juliet
“O teach me how I should forget to think,” Jason bit out through the comms.
The night had been going steadily downwards as more and more arrests were made by the various Bats, Birds, and other flightless creatures, however, the miscommunication between the trio of Batgirls and the quartet of Birds had led to them nearly fighting each other when they had both arrived to bust a dogfighting ring. Even worse, Batman had started chewing them out for not properly logging their intention of busting the ring, even though it had been a spontaneous decision from both ends.
“I swear we had no idea that you guys were also here!” Spoiler complained to Batman, “We just heard the barking and went to help, we didn’t plan any of this!”
“Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly. then your love would also change,” Jason rolled his eyes. Like Bruce cared about that, he just cared that his perfect little soldiers stumbled. “Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.”
Batman sighed tiredly, “Alright, I believe you. Just… get them to the GCPD, please.”
“And a no-kill shelter!” Robin added.
“And the dogs to a no-kill shelter,” Amended Batman.
Jason scoffed, “Do you bite your thumb at us?”
“No, Hood, I understand that it was a mistake,” Batman sighed again. “I’m not fighting with you on this, I’m agreeing.”
“Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs,” Oracle said through the comms. “Now, will you all stop lollygagging and go do your jobs? I have a carjacking on the corner of 24th and Westman.”
“Parting is such sweet sorrow,” Hood saluted a traffic camera and mounted his bike.
4. Macbeth
“Uh, Hood, I don’t think we can blackmail the President of the United States of America,” Bill said as he dogged Hood’s footsteps, rushing to keep up with the pissed-off vigilante crime lord.
“Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires.”
“Cool, cool, cool, cool,” Bill said, totally acknowledging Hood’s completely valid feelings about this. “However, murderous rage is not the best way to approach this problem. Maybe we could like, support some protests? Donate to a few charities? Hold Lex Luthor hostage?”
“Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair,” Hood growled back at his right-hand man.
“Fighting fire with fire is not always the best idea!” Bill boldly decided to step in front of his boss, stopping him in his tracks. “Kid, this was a Supreme Court decision on top of it having passed the senate, and I know you’re smart so listen to me . This will only label you a terrorist and rocket you up to the top of the FBI and CIA's most wanted, and then where will that leave the rest of us? You’re not reckless, I know you’re not, so this is either you being so angry you’re devolving into a rage-induced insanity or you’re spiraling in self-destructive anger and you’re doing this on purpose. Either way, if you don’t stop, I’m telling Nightwing and I know you don’t want that.”
Both of Hood’s fists were balled up tight in a white-knuckled grip, and Bill worried that he was about to get murdered for daring to try and reason with him.
Red Hood looked away first, like a rebellious teenager realizing that they’ve been called out and can’t fight anymore. “Life… is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
Bill sighed, “What’s done cannot be undone, kid.”
Hood broke out of his recitation of his beloved Shakespeare, “I just wish they care about all the lives they’re hurting. Kids keep dying and nothing changes.”
“I know,” Bill felt tired. “Trust me, I know.”
5. Hamlet
“To be or not to be, that is the question!” Jason snarled, wiping off the blood running down his top lip from his (probably) broken nose.
Batman grunted from the other side of the rooftop.
It was definitely not a good night for anyone involved.
“Aww, lookie that, Batsy,” The Joker crooned. “I think our little boy wants to be an actor!”
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” Jason stepped in front of the clown menacing his father.
“The hell is that supposed to mean?” The Joker snarled.
Dick, who really shouldn’t be laughing with the deflated lung he has from taking a bullet meant for Tim, grinned at the insane man. “It means you should run before he finishes the rest of the play with your skull.”
“One may smile, and smile, and be a villain,” Jason said as he drew the All-Blades from thin air, looking like a demon straight from Hell with the bright green hellfire that burned in his eyes. “God hath given you one face, and you make yourself another.”
“To die; to sleep; no more.”
With that, he leaped.
“HOOD, NO!” Batman yelled.
1 A Shakespeare Fact
It was a completely normal night, which naturally made everyone suspicious.
Who was planning something?
Bruce suspected Steph, Steph suspected Tim, Tim suspected Damian, Damian suspected Dick, Dick suspected Cass, and Cass knew it was Jason.
Of course it was Jason who broke the peace, it was often one of his favorite things to do. In fact, Alfred was planning to give him a sign for his home, ‘Official Disturber of the Peace’ like Gandalf was.
“Wanna know a cool Shakespeare fact?” Jason asked as the family was all settled into place in the movie room, the end credits of A Stitch In Time playing.
“No,” Damian said shortly.
Tim threw a pillow at his little brother, “Just let him say it before he starts holding people hostage so he has someone to tell them to.”
“Did you know–” Jason began loudly, cutting off any potential bickering from starting. “–That many scholars think that Shakespeare was queer? Especially with the recurring theme of gender roles throughout his plays, and, most importantly, highlighted with homoeroticism in Twelfth Night. Plus, a lot of his love sonnets were addressed to someone unknown male youth, like in Sonnet 18 ‘Shall I compare thee.’”
There was a long pause as everyone absorbed that fact and tried to decipher the hidden meaning that Jason had probably decided was obvious.
“Little Wing…” Dick said slowly, “Is this you coming out to us?”
Jason smirked proudly, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely or more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of may and summer’s lease hath all too short a date. Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines and oft is his gold complexion dimmed, but every fair from fair sometime decline, by chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed. But thy eternal summer shall not fade.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Tim said dryly. “Welcome to the queer club, would you like to know the gay agenda?”
Bruce tried to hide his snort. He failed.
Jason, a menace to society and his father, poked him with a toe. “Where’s my ‘I'm proud of you for coming out’ speech, bitch?”
“Right here,” Bruce groaned as he stood up from his recliner and pulled his son to his chest. “I’m not going to bother with a speech because I know you are the orator in this family.”
“Let me be that I am and seek not to alter me,” Jason quoted proudly.