Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Halfdead

I’ve had a long night okay?

Let me have this

Stitches

Does this have to do with what you said the other day?

Wait if you’re gatekeep then does that make me gaslight or girlboss?

SpiteMe

I think I’m meant to be gaslight

Which I take great offense to

Stitches

👋 Can I be gatekeep this time?

SpiteMe

Yeah why can’t I be girlboss?

Halfdead

You do not exude NEARLY enough girlboss energy for that

SpiteMe

RUDE

Stitches

lol XD

You said you had a long night, @Halfdead?

Do you want to talk about it?

Halfdead

Maybe not yet

There are still some things I need to iron out before then

In the meantime I’m more than happy to just hang out

SpiteMe

I don’t have any plans tonight

Halfdead

Oh my gosh! It’s a Christmas miracle!

SpiteMe

Pfffft

I thought you hated Christmas?

Halfdead

And your point is?

SpiteMe

asdfgjkl;f

Stitches

You hate Christmas? :0

Halfdead

Have you ever been pissed on by a dog?

Stitches

No???

Halfdead

Once you do you’ll understand why I hate Christmas

Stitches

I worry about you sometimes

SpiteMe

Only sometimes?

Halfdead

Hey! Today is not about me!

Today is about how Spite has zero girlboss energy

SpiteMe

OI don’t pin this on me

I have PLENTY of girlboss energy thank you very much

Halfdead

Oh yeah? How are you going to make me believe that?

That’s right, you’ll gaslight me

Case closed you’re the gaslight of the group

SpiteMe

Oh my gosh you ARE the gatekeep with THAT kind of attitude

Stitches

Wow I’ve never seen this episode of Ace Attorney before!

SpiteMe

Shbjdbgndjbghngh

Halfdead

Sjkdfgnfg STITCHES

Stitches

Hm? Did you need something, Halfdead? :3

Halfdead

That smile hides mischief

You won’t get out of this so easily

Just you watch…

SpiteMe

We really need a better nickname for you

Halfdead

What’s wrong with my nickname?

Stitches

There’s nothing WRONG with your nickname

SpiteMe

It just doesn’t roll off the tongue very well

Stitches’ name is perfectly short

Just like her

Stitches

>:O

SpiteMe

Mine can be abbreviated

I am not calling you ‘Dead’ or ‘Half’

Unless it’s for Half-n-Half milk

And that kinda negates the point of a short username

Halfdead

Which is a shame because I kinda vibe with ‘Half-n-Half’ as a nickname

But FINE

I GUESS I can change it

Halfdead has changed Halfdead’s name to Sputnik

Sputnik

But y’all can call me Spud >:)

SpiteMe

Y’all

Sputnik

Shut the fuck up printer boy

SpiteMe

Why does that feel more threatening than weather boy?

Stitches

Hey we all match now!

We all start with an s!

Sputnik

Ayeeeee

That was totally intentional

Totally

SpiteMe

Stitches

I must learn your meme ways 👀

Most of my memes just consist of Ladybug and Chat Noir freeze frames from the Ladyblog

Sputnik

I think that might actually be better though wait a minute

Stitches

I’ll DM you some of my favorites later tehehehe

SpiteMe

Before I fall asleep sitting up I need to ask

How are things on the warfront, Stitches?

Stitches

There has been progress!

My parents received a response and there is now an official investigation into our claims

It’ll still be a while longer before we see any real change

But it’s been such a weight off my shoulders

I slept for a whole five hours last night!

Sputnik

That’s awesome, Stitches!

I’m so proud of you!

SpiteMe

It was scary and it wasn’t easy to ask for help

But you did the right thing

You should be proud of yourself!

Stitches

Thanks, you guys 🥺

Now if only the akuma attacks will slow down and I can sleep a normal eight hours again

Or however long I can squeeze in between projects LOL

Sputnik

Are akuma attacks that disruptive?

Stitches

Not always?

Hawkmoth seems to like more flamboyant akumas

Maybe to draw out Ladybug and Chat Noir?

It’s a lot easier to let your prey come to you than to chase them down yourself

SpiteMe

A valid point

I’ve noticed that sometimes Chat Noir and Ladybug will disappear mid-fight

Is there any reason for that?

Stitches

So. I can’t remember if Spud mentioned this last time we talked about the Miraculous

But for young holders like myself, and presumably Ladybug and Chat Noir, we can’t actually hold our transformation very long

I never got a full explanation about why

Something about using too much of our innate magic?

I don’t know, there was never enough time to ask

SpiteMe

Do you know how long the timer is?

Stitches

Not… really?

Ahhh sorry I wish I had a better idea than you do

But I definitely know that using your Kwami’s special power dramatically shortens your time limit!

I think you’ve got five minutes after that point to get out of the fight and recharge?

SpiteMe

And how do you recharge?

Sputnik

You just have to feed your Kwami

I don’t think it has to be something SUPER specific

Like they can obviously eat anything

But if you find a food they like it gives them an extra boost

SpiteMe

I can imagine that can get pretty expensive

What happens if you don’t have any food on hand?

Is there a donation set-up of some kind to allow Ladybug and Chat Noir or any other hero to pay for their Kwami’s diet?

It seems like the heroes have the backing of the Parisian government after all

A private financier?

Stitches

Uhhhh

That.

Is a good question

I wish we had thought about that a long time ago

Sorry I’ve never had anyone ask such good questions before

Usually I wouldn’t even share this much

As a city wide mandate from the mayor

But Spud is here and he knows a lot already

So it’s not really fair to keep you in the dark

SpiteMe

Ah yeah sorry for all the questions

Stitches

No! It’s okay!

Like I said, these are really good questions

I just don’t have actual answers for them?

Sputnik

Do you think Hawkmoth has ever followed Ladybug or CN when their timers are running out to learn their identities?

Stitches

I’m sure he’s tried

It’s one of the reasons Ladybug and Chat Noir try not to use their special powers at the same time

That way one partner can keep the akuma distracted while the other recharges

Obviously it’s not a perfect system

Sputnik

And amoks can throw SO many wrenches in those plans

Stitches

Also very true!!

It’s just

I don’t know

It’s hard to make a plan out there when you don’t know what will come next

SpiteMe

That sounds really hard, I’m sorry Stitches

I can see now why you gave the experience a 0/10

Stitches

Hahaha! XD

Yeah, I depend on plans and schedules for my day-to-day

Or else I’ll forget chores and appointments

Which obviously hasn’t stopped me from getting distracted from new Adrien fragrance ads LOL

But I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a hero

Sputnik

You don’t need to be a traditional hero to do great things for the world

Don’t beat yourself up over it Stitches

You stepped up when Ladybug and CN needed you

I’m sure they appreciate your willingness, even if you feel like it wasn’t meant for you

Stitches

You guys are too kind TAT

But enough about me!

How has life treated you two since we last spoke?

I know you didn’t feel ready to share Spud

Sputnik

It’s been a bit crazy over here

I feel like I haven’t been rested in days

But! I have good grades and I still have a steady income

And honestly that’s what matters most to me right now

SpiteMe

You better get some rest soon or else I’ll sick Tuck on you

And I’ve been fine, thank you for asking, Stitches

I actually have the night off

I had a LONG board meeting this morning

My dad congratulated me on a good well done by forcing me to take vacation for a week

I am officially Unofficially grounded

So you’re stuck with me until further notice

Stitches

Are we really stuck if we willingly stepped in the cheese trap?

SpiteMe

Awww you’re so sweet Stitches

I don’t know how you ever became friends with Spud

Sputnik

RUDE

Stitches

I think he’s just that charismatic?

What dark magic he wields…

SpiteMe

Yeah where can I get me some of that?

Sputnik

You did well on a BOARD MEETING this morning

And you want to act like you don’t have ANY charisma

SpiteMe

I thought I had zero girlboss energy

Sputnik

Hey now don’t be using my words against me

Stitches

XDD

So if I understand this correctly

You two are free to play some games tonight?

SpiteMe

I could be persuaded 👀

SpiteMe has created a private chat with Stitches

SpiteMe

So we agree that there’s something going on with Spud right?

Stitches

Yeah :(

I had hoped that the more we talked he might open up

But I guess he really does want to wait for when he finds out more

Do you think it’s serious?

SpiteMe

Knowing him?

Probably

You’ve noticed how cagey he gets about some things right?

He has no problem talking about his pants falling down

Or getting pissed on by a dog on Christmas that traumatized him for life

But he doesn’t talk about any of the IMPORTANT details

He doesn’t explain the health problems that caused the pants incidents

He doesn’t explain why a dog was EVER allowed to be near him, at that height, for this to happen

And it’s not that he’s lying

Stitches

He just says something sensational so we focus on THAT

And don’t question what the underlying problem actually IS

SpiteMe

Exactly

Stitches

So what do we do now then?

SpiteMe

There’s only so much we can do really

He needs time to talk, so we can give him that

If we push too hard he might pull away

We might have grown close quickly but we are still essentially strangers on the internet

Spud knows us better than we know him

Stitches

He probably does that on purpose too

SpiteMe

Probably

Man and I thought I was paranoid

Stitches

I know you and Spud have plans to meet

And Spud and I have plans to meet

Do you think you and I will ever get there someday?

SpiteMe

What? Like meeting each other in person?

Absolutely, I need to try out this bakery you’ve got

If the pastries there are half as sweet as you I might die of sugar

Stitches

sdhjfgkfdgbn

“What do you usually feed Plagg?”

Adrien blinked at Ladybug, puzzled. His hair swished with the sharp movement of his head. He blinked owlishly at her, round, amorphous green eyes filled with a curious innocence.

He didn’t know where the question had come from. It seemed out of place, when moments before the two had been discussing patrol routes. Adrien had wanted to test the waters with a game of tag tonight, but maybe that was a bad idea. Had he said something that worried her? It hadn’t been so long since Catwalker. Had Ladybug changed her mind already?

“He’s a very picky Kwami,” Adrien told her, rubbing his chin. “He likes cheese, the smellier the better. I try to keep a stock of camembert on hand for him.”

“Isn’t that expensive? Do you ever worry that you won’t be able to keep up with his appetite?” Ladybug asked him, completely earnest as she leaned forward into his space.

Now Adrien was just confused.

“It… can be,” Adrien agreed to the first question. He might not have to worry about the cost personally, but he knew that those wheels of cheese added up fast. “And he has a voracious appetite. But don’t worry, M’lady, I promise I am taking good care of him.”

Despite his promises, Adrien felt ill at ease. He did worry, sometimes, that Father– or more accurately, Natalie– would learn about his hidden stash of camembert and question him about it. His diet might not be so strict that his purchases had to be monitored, but it might turn out that way if he let Natalie believe he had been eating all those fatty cheeses day in and day out.

Adrien kept an eye on it. He always made sure the cheese was tucked in various spots, to keep the housekeeping crew from tossing it out when he wasn’t looking. He had succeeded so far. He just hoped that his luck would win out.

With eyes on the Arc de Triomphe in the distance, Adrien didn’t see the concerned frown on Ladybug’s face.

Tim Drake

I cannot thank you enough for this, Lois.

Want anything special for your birthday?

Work laptop? Mercedes-Benz? Just let me know.

Lois Lane

I promise that this is a gift enough.

I know you’re still waiting for some of your hard sources, but from what you’ve already found for me, this is more than enough to write a whole spread for the front page.

I might be able to convince Perry to do it too.

Tim Drake

Will that be enough?

Lois Lane

Kid, we’ll make it enough.

We aren’t going to let this slide.

Tim Drake

I knew I could count on you.

The crew are heading out for the night and I’m on computer duty so I’ve got to go.

Say hi to Jon for me?

Lois Lane

I will. And I’ll blow Kon a kiss for you too.

Tim Drake

I regret ever telling you about that.

Lois Lane

Love you too, Tim. Have a good night.

Tim Drake

You too, Lois.

Red Robin

What do you have about the Paris situation?

Oracle

Fair warning: You aren’t going to like this.

Red Robin

It can’t be much worse than the Amity Park fiasco.

Oracle

Maybe not, but it suffers from the same issue.

I don’t know who your source is, but it seems like they have misinformation too.

Neither Paris nor Amity Park reached out to the Justice League for assistance.

In fact, Amity Park’s mayor does not have the authority to contact the Justice League.

It has to go through the official channels at the state level, and it appears there has been no correspondence between the governor and the mayor about the ghost attacks.

Red Robin

It can’t all be a lie.

Oracle

It doesn’t have to be.

What your sources say is probably true. There have been attacks in Amity Park. There are attacks in Paris right now.

The problem is that their government officials lied to them to pin the lack of solutions on the Justice League.

Rather than look inept, they made the Justice League out to be apathetic.

Red Robin

We can’t let that stand.

Oracle

And we won’t. I am gathering a packet for Cyborg to overview at the next Justice League meeting.

If you’d like, I can even put in a notation to contact you for more information.

Red Robin

I’d appreciate it, O, thank you.

And I’m sorry I’ve been such a hardass about this.

Oracle

I understand. I hate that there have been teen heroes out there without any basic support for the past few years.

We’ll do what we can to make this right.

Red Robin

I just don’t understand how this could have happened.

I was in Paris just months ago when I went looking for B. I checked the dates of the akuma attacks. I had been in the city during an attack.

How did I miss this? How did I not know?

Oracle

I don’t know, Red, but we’ll figure this out.

If it all pans out, the League might even send you as one of the official representatives. Maybe they’ll even give your little friends a medal of honor.

Red Robin

I can only imagine how well that would go.

How much do you know about my sources?

Oracle

I’ve done a basic investigation. Relax, Bird Brains. I know how strict you are about your secret identity. I’m not worried about a leak.

Red Robin

What faith you have in me.

I suppose nothing new has come up with Amity Park too?

Oracle

I wouldn’t say nothing.

Did you know that the Anti-Ecto Acts was originally a national health mandate?

Red Robin

Seriously?

Oracle

I know, it took me by surprise too. As it turns out little over twenty years ago there had been a lab accident at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

The ectoplasm readings were off the charts. Five faculty members spent nine weeks in decontamination. Another two developed Lymphoma. The main victim of the accident spent seven years in and out of the hospital.

The CDC issued a slew of mass warnings about ectoplasmic material and Congress had it signed into law. No one could have anticipated that ectoplasm could create sentient life.

Now, get this? Our main victim was Vlad Masters.

Red Robin

The Cheese Billionaire?

Oracle

The man himself.

Red Robin

What do you have on the lab accident?

Oracle

From what I’ve found so far, he had been testing a prototype with two fellow students when the prototype leaked lethal amounts of radiation poisoning. He took the blast directly to the face. An investigation found that no foul play had been involved. It had been a failed experiment that turned deadly.

Red Robin

The other two students?

Oracle

Drs. Fentons. Jack Fenton and Maddie Fenton. A married couple. They hadn’t been married at the time of the accident, of course, but the two became college sweethearts after graduation. They have two children. Their daughter Jasmine is eighteen, attends Yale University as of this past Fall semester.

Curious. Drs. Fentons lost custody of their youngest, a son, to Jasmine in the last year. Daniel Fenton, sixteen years old.

Red Robin

…

Run that last part by me again?