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miya atsumu is fine, he will just sleep it off.

Summary:

title is bad, just let me think ill fix it sooner or later,

this fic is me reflecting on atsumu, it is angst, atsumu is neurodivergent and is on the autism spectrum, i didnt re read this sorry.

will regret when i wake up #live #laugh #love

Notes:

atsumu uses they/he (let me know if its confusing and ill change it)
and atsumu has autism (ive said it so many times my bad)

i know canon him is social... just let me have this

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

They really were just a worthless piece of shit.

Was it that hard to understand them?? yes sure he was indeed different from his twin and his cousin but why had his mother agreed to go to a place like this, even his brother knew better.

They were out on a family dinner at a hibachi place, his mom reassured him there would be food he enjoys there.

It starts going downhill the moment they’re seated, why in the living hell was there a whole ass family of strangers AT THEIR TABLE?? atsumu just put his head down in between his arms.

They could see them, they had kids his age, THEY were giggling probably at THEM.

The show started, they were spooked by the fire, he put his chair back, not needing a fever.

Now this was something atsumu could enjoy right? WRONG, the lovely chef squirted water at him on purpose, his sensory issues going insane he just sobbed right there and then.

“Listen up. Stop being a brat. I packed a meal for you” their mom scolded them.
He literally couldn’t help it, he sure was ashamed of straight up crying but he really wasn’t enjoying this place, not one bit.

Yay, his comfort food in this place didn’t even taste good, he didn’t need to take a full bite to know, just sunk in their teeth and felt the aftertaste immediately dropping it back down on their plate.

Obviously everyone else loved it, why wouldn’t they? Atsumu was just a freak. If they knew how much he wished to like everything maybe they would stop badmouthing him in their minds and he would wake up in bed sweating profusely from this dream.

“Wow you wanna try this too ?? Do you even know what this is?” their aunt boasted loud and clear to prove she was better, her kid wanting to try everything and loving every part of it.

Atsumu restrained himself mentally from laying a hand on her, sure violence is wrong but he grew up feeling so odd and freakish that he would take any revenge he could on ones being rude towards him.

When they went home osamu blurted out “Mom why did you take us there?? Did they forget that they have autism?? Do they remember it’s not their fault??”

“They have autism?? Sweetie only atsumu has autism”
“Quit the bullshit mom you know atsumu uses the-”
“HE HIM HE USES HE HIM”
“Samu it's fine don’t worry about it”

It wasn’t fine, their mom rejected them, they slept by crying too much shit they even almost threw up from the intensity, and the shaking.

Osamu was oblivious to that part, he knew there were family issues but tsumu didn’t care about them, that night was the first time he’s seen their sibling cry since they were 11.

Atsumu couldn’t help but remember multiple memories from the past

The whole sports teacher openly hating him, especially during dance. atsumu had to be held back once, since THEY, the one on the FLOOR having a panic attack were the ASSHOLE that left their friends alone to perform in front of the class when he NEVER forced them to pass, he would definitely COVER them skipping a dance routine if asked.

“In all my years of teaching, ive never met someone like you Miya Atsumu” she spat.

He burst into tears, ALL HE EVER FUCKING HAD WAS AUTISM, HE ISNT THAT BAD IS HE??? MAYBE HE JUST WAS. Could nobody just simply understand a simple kid with autism?

Before his diagnosis he remembers public transportation, being near big groups of people, god only knows how cruel it felt when he could distinguish the fact they were normal and he was just a freak.

He was moving into university soon, an opportunity to make new friends. surely it couldn’t be that hard, he even picked a dorm with a roommate to facilitate things.

They talked together, exchanging information about themselves DAILY, friendly emoticons, all until the moment atsumu made a mistake, he felt the urge to say they had autism, well is on the spectrum and explain that it's “barely” noticeable when you don’t know the signs.

He did also spam by accident while replying to the questions asked, there was no shortening or taking back what they had said, it was iMessage.

Safe to say he never got an answer back. Sure it had been a week but he knew deep down his roommate was terrified of him.

He stood up and went to the bathroom locking the door.
“Atsumu? you still awake?”
“Yeah just gotta take a massive shit” he lied making sure to make his own twin uncomfortable
“You're so gross tsumu” osamu whined.

They put on the ventilation so that them opening the cabinet and taking out a box wouldn’t make a sound as he swallowed far too many pills. They put Febreze on and layed in bed.

He didn’t expect his brother to lay down near him. “I wanna talk, I know you’re sleeping now but”

Osamu continued on his rant without once knowing his twin couldn’t listen.

Notes:

i hope the last sentence fits well?? its up to you to decide if he survives or not

me when i make my kins do the things i cant dare do myself #slay

pls don't be too rude.