Chapter Text
Shouto didn’t often get annoyed at his husband. He wouldn’t officially call what they were having a fight, but the long overnight shift and exhaustion from his patrol leaves him snapping at Izuku over the phone when he doesn’t mean to.
“Seriously, Izu?” It was still early enough that the streets were mostly quiet, and Shouto was able to steal a moment to talk to his husband. “It took me forever to get that appointment.”
Finding a vet that was open at odd hours because of their hero schedule was difficult, and Hime was due on her shots so Shouto jumped at the first opening he could get, before he was called in for an emergency overnight patrol. Izuku promised to take the cat himself, but after his own long day, he had to admit to Shouto that he slept through it.
“I’m sorry, Sho,” Izuku choked out on the other end of the line, and Shouto sighed, a mix of frustration and guilt. “I’ll call now and get her scheduled. I’m sure my mom can take her if-”
A loud noise snapped Shouto’s attention away from the call, and he rushed out a quick ‘goodbye’. He hated to leave the call on a bad note, but Izuku would understand. It was part of the reason they worked so well- they never had to question the other when work came first.
When he approached the source of the noise, Shouto sees a tall man with long red hair standing in the middle of a sea of broken glass bottles. His attention is focused on a woman who is scrambling to get away, and instantly in hero mode, Shouto intercepts so that he can’t get to her. “What’s going on here?”
“Aw, aren’t I special,” the tall man sneers. “I get a personal visit by none other than the number two pro hero, Shouto. Didn’t think a petty argument was worth such a prestigious hero’s time.”
“I’m not here to play games,” he says, and out of the corner of his eye he sees another hero, a new graduate Shouto recalls, rushing to the woman to help her. Shouto nods in appreciation, able to focus his attention on the villain in front of him. “If you come with me we can talk this out and-”
Heterochromatic eyes were trained on the villain, giving Shouto the edge he needed to avoid the incoming attack. If this was just a petty argument, the man was willing to give up a lot for it, or so it seemed. He wasn’t particularly strong, but he seemed agile enough that he managed a few minor hits on Shouto, since the hero was purposefully avoiding using his quirk. It was too much of a risk when he didn’t know the other’s quirk yet.
Thankfully his years of training put the hero at a strong advantage, and it wasn’t long before he had control of the fight. When he had the villain restrained, as he reached for the quirk-suppression handcuffs on his belt, he noticed the overzealous new graduate hero running up toward them. In an eager attempt to help restrain the villain, the new graduate manages to slam both Shouto and the villain against a brick wall, loosening Shouto’s hold and allowing the villain to grasp his head.
“Sorry, Shouto,” the other hero gasps, but manages to restrain the villain in handcuffs just as police arrive. Shouto is, at least, thankful the situation didn’t get any worse, but when the villain’s fingers leave their place against Shouto’s temples, he feels himself black out into unconsciousness.
~*~
When he opens his eyes next it’s dark, but not the same darkness of unconsciousness. He feels a soft blanket rested over him, the fleece material reminding him of the hordes of blankets his husband keeps at home. The plush material of the couch was enough to reassure him that he wasn’t at the hospital, rather he was in his own living room. Why he was there and not his own bed, or even how he managed to get back to his apartment, was beyond Shouto, but at least he was safe.
“Todoroki?”
Despite moving as quietly as he could, he still managed to alert his husband, who sat sleeplessly curled against the arm chair near him.
“Izuku,” Shouto sighed in relief, before the other’s words caught up to him. “Are you still mad? I’m sorry about this morning, I-”
Strong arms wrapped around him, and a choked sob cut off Shouto’s words. “Shouto,” Izuku breathed, words barely above a whisper in Shouto’s ear. “Oh, god, Shouto, you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” Shouto nodded to reassure the man, awkwardly patting his back. “Are you okay, ‘Zu? Why are you crying?”
He never minded the other man crying; Izuku’s freely expressed emotions were one of Shouto’s favorite things about him. But something was off, something was wrong, and Shouto wanted so desperately to fix whatever that was. In over six years of knowing each other, never once has his husband been quite this emotional after a minor villain encounter.
There weren’t any scratches on Shouto’s body, it seemed. He would have thought a few wounds would have settled, but he must have come out unscathed. Even his head felt fine, no lingering ache or anything from where it was slammed against the wall.
Shouto places either hand on each of Izuku’s cheek, hot and cold thumb wiping away the falling tears. His lips kiss calming hushes against the man’s forehead, and the entire scene is so familiar that Izuku can’t do anything but cry even harder. “I missed you, Sho,” he finally chokes out between gasps of air.
“It’s fine, it’s all fine,” Shouto whispers, arms moving to wrap around Izuku, rocking him gently in a flurry of reassurances. “I’m here, ‘Zuku. I wouldn’t leave just over a missed appointment, I promise. I love you.”
“Oh, god, Shouto, I love you so much,” Izuku bawls, and it takes nearly ten minutes for Shouto to calm him down enough that Izuku can actually tell his husband what happened.
After the explanation, Shouto simply stares, unblinking. Light is peeking into the room, as though the sun itself were asking permission from the pair before rising to start the day, not wanting to interrupt their moment. “Amnesia…” Shouto finally muses, testing the word as though it were hazardous. “I… forgot you?”
The silence that lingers between them refuses to be shattered by either man. Shouto’s hands hold Izuku’s protectively, as though any emotional change would cause permanent damage to those hands. He intertwines their fingers, reminds himself of the way they broke, the way the man mangled them just to save Shouto from his own darkness- a villain more intimate than any other he’s faced as a hero.
What finally releases the men from the spell of precarious stillness is the buzzing of Izuku’s phone on the side table. “It’s Endeavor,” he explains to Shouto, releasing his husband’s hands to take the call. Izuku’s words fade into the background as Shouto tries to reorient himself to the lost week.
“Yeah, Shouto and I will be there tonight,” his husband says as he hangs up the phone, bringing Shouto’s attention back to the situation.
“What day is it?”
“O-oh, it’s Friday! The, umm… the twelfth,” Izuku almost looked guilty admitting to Shouto how much time he lost. “I should have asked first, I’m sorry, Sho, but I figured after everything it would be good to see your family again, especially since last week went so poorly, and I know that you wouldn’t want them to-”
“I-Izuku,” Shouto rested a hand on his husband’s shoulder to calm the rambling. “Izuku, it’s fine, I want to see them, just like every week. But wait, what happened last week?”
“You may have fought with your dad and stormed out of dinner,” he laughed sheepishly, and Shouto buried his face behind his hands in mortification. “It wasn’t that bad, Sho, really. Just… well, your mom thought it was funny, at least. You might owe your dad an apology.”
The man groaned deeply, shaking his head. “After everything they all worked for I ruined it by-”
“You didn’t ruin it,” Izuku insisted, tone serious as he pulled Shouto’s hands away from his face. “Shouto, nobody is mad at you. We all still love you. Me, your family, our friends. It’s okay, Sho.”
The horrified look of realization and fear that crossed Shouto’s face told Izuku the exact mistake he made. “Our friends were supposed to-”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” the man interjected before Shouto’s brain could go anywhere darker. “Everyone had fun. It was like high school all over again.”
“Did Kats and I end up fighting?”
“I think that’s more of a sign that you’re still friends than anything,” Izuku laughed, and the twitch of Shouto’s lips reassured them both that the amusement of the situation was finally settling in, seeing as nobody was irreparably hurt by this. “I’ll make us some breakfast, okay?”
Shouto nodded, laying back on the couch with a soft kiss pressed against his forehead. His eyes fluttered shut, emotional exhaustion catching up to him, and he dozed off while hearing the sounds of his husband in the kitchen.
Tamagoyaki is placed on the coffee table before Izuku is gently shaking his husband’s shoulder. “Hey, Todoroki, wake up.”
Shouto rubs his hand along his lips, wiping up the drool that snuck past his lips. “I don’t think I like you calling me by my family name,” he groans. “You haven’t called me that since we were first years.”
“It is weird,” Izuku laughs, settling on the farthest end of the couch from Shouto, before he catches himself and scoots back to his husband. “Sorry, when you didn’t have your memories I didn’t want… you know…”
“Yeah,” Shouto nods solemnly, taking the mug of tea Izuku placed in front of him and sipping slowly. “Was I taken off the field?”
Izuku nods. “We did figure out that case with the unlisted quirks, though. I think that was thank to you more than anything. We can ask Endeavor tonight when you can come back, if you want. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
“I’m fine. You said Eri used her quirk, right? I feel just like I did before that fight.”
The awkward silence settles between them again, leaving Shouto more frustrated than when he first woke up. He was glad to be back, didn’t notice he was gone in the first place, but now it seemed like Izuku didn’t know what to do with him. This was even worse than when they first got together, had their first fight, even their time at the sports festival. Shouto stands up slowly once he finishes breakfast, cleaning off his dishes before heading back to the library.
He glances at his spot, Hime already sitting in the rising sun beam and meowing for him to join. Shouto settles in and grabs the book that was waiting for him. It wasn’t the same one he left there last time; the last time he was about halfway through the book about his brother, a book he still struggled with every time he went to read it.
This one, however, was a book he was more than familiar with. The Princess Bride. The gift from his mother back in UA, the first time he saw her for his birthday. He glanced through the margins; most of the notes were familiar, nearly memorized to him by now. But there were a few careful notes tucked away. Questions, in his own handwriting, he realizes. And not about the story, but about himself.
‘Did I ever deserve to become happy?’
That question is written on the last page, hitting Shouto deep in the gut. He knew who he was before he made friends, he knew who he was the whole time. He was always aware of his own suffering. But to see it again, to see it from someone who both was and was not himself…
He takes a pen and writes underneath the question.
‘Yes, we always did.’
He closes the book, setting it aside. Hime chirps lightly at him, but doesn’t try to convince him to stay. It’s eerie, wandering through the house and seeing all their memories gone, the walls bare and empty as they were the day he moved in.
“Uraraka has them right now,” Izuku explains when he sees Shouto staring at the plain walls. “I’ll let her know to bring them back and I can hang them up again. I wanted to make sure-”
“I know,” Shouto sighs, turning away from the walls to face his husband. “You wanted to make sure he… I...”
Izuku just nods in understanding, placing a hand on Shouto’s shoulder. “Did you want to get more sleep? I’m sure you’re still tired.”
“Thanks,” Shouto half-heartedly smiles, heading back to the bedroom. “Sleep is probably a good idea.”
~*~
He doesn’t realize how much Eri’s quirk drained him until he’s waking up from his ‘nap’ to Izuku shaking him. “We need to get ready for dinner,” he says. “You kind of slept all day.”
“Five more minutes?” Shouto groans, rolling over, only for Izuku to drag him out of the bed.
“Come on, Sho, you can’t be late for dinner tonight. Everyone wants to see you.”
Shouto whines again but lets his husband drag him to the bathroom. He’s still not fully awake as he gets ready, not until he leaves the bedroom to see the familiar photos on the wall again. It shouldn’t feel so nice to have them there, not when he remembers them there every day for years, but seeing them gone once, just long enough, was more than he could bear.
“I got everything set up the way it was before last week,” Izuku explains from the genkan as he slips on his shoes. “You were really out of it, Sho. I’m glad you got some rest.”
“Me too,” he murmurs, fingers tracing the smile Izuku held in one of his favorite photos. It’s from their wedding, when the night was getting too late, and most people had gone home. It was just Shouto and Izuku in the photo, standing on the balcony under the stars, staring into each other’s eyes. They never even noticed the photo was taken, never even found out who did. But it was their favorite, seeing the way they got lost in the stars painted on their faces. Even to this day Shouto felt butterflies when he looked at the photo.
“You coming?” Izuku broke him out of his trance, and Shouto followed him quickly. “I should drive this time. In case you’re still not feeling well.”
“That’s fine,” Shouto agrees. He doesn’t mind. He doesn’t think he can focus on the drive today. Not after everything that’s been going on.
He feels a shiver of nerves when they finally make it to the Todoroki estate, a pit forming in his stomach that he hasn’t felt since the first time the whole family was together. Tonight is just his parents and siblings, which he thinks makes things more nerve wracking.
“I haven’t told them you have your memories back. I thought you would want to be the one to do that,” Izuku tells him with a half-smile. It’s not as bright as normal, but it is what he can genuinely give and Shouto is grateful for that.
“Thank you,” Shouto nods. He doesn’t really know what to do here. He doesn’t remember any of his amnesia, doesn’t feel like he’s missing anything other than what others have told him. Is it supposed to be a big deal? Is he supposed to mention it like the weather or do they expect a celebration for this? He knows he at least owes his father an apology, unsurprisingly. If he really forgot all the way back to his first sports festival… he’s more shocked that an apology is all that he owes his father.
Izuku walks up to the door and knocks, which is odd enough, but when Fuyumi answers it Shouto is half tempted to run away. Everything is so surreal, from the way they act like guests to how his sister stares at him with the unease of a stranger. It’s like he walked into someone else’s life and he doesn’t know where he fits.
“How was the trip?” Fuyumi asks them as they remove their shoes in the entrance. “You didn’t hit any traffic, I hope?”
“No traffic, the drive was fine,” Izuku laughs, his face more warm for her than he has been for Shouto the whole day. Shouto forces down the pang of jealousy, at least for now. It isn’t him, it’s not because of him, it’s…
It’s still not fair, he thinks, but he dismisses the thought quickly. Jealousy isn’t his thing.
“Mom and I just finished dinner so let’s go to the dining room,” she encourages, leading the two to the table.
Fuyumi takes her seat and Shouto feels four pairs of eyes on him now, all watching expectantly, nervously. They don’t know, he reminds himself, but it does nothing to quell the nervousness. Even Izuku seems to be watching him, waiting for something before he takes his seat.
Shouto sighs and settles into his normal spot next to his father, Izuku following to take his place. “How are you feeling, Sho?” Natsuo asks him tentatively.
“I’m fine,” Shouto answers, taking a sip of his tea. “You don’t have to watch me.”
His mother giggles, soft and warm as always, the first of them to return to normal. She grabs some dumplings, placing a couple on her plate and Shouto’s as well. “I’m glad you seem to be doing better,” she tells him, a warm comfort he was missing. “I have some extra mochi for you in the fridge.”
“Thank you,” he bites his lip, holding back his awkward smile. His mother always made the best treats, he felt, and it was nice to have something go back to normal, even if for a moment. He turns to his father next. “I’m sorry I-”
“Don’t, Shouto,” Enji says, placing a hand on his son’s shoulder. “It’s fine. Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes,” he says, turning to his plate of food that suddenly became full. Clearly his mother and husband were set on making sure he eats. “I should be able to return to work tomorrow.”
“That’s good to hear. We completed the case on-”
“No work talks at the dinner table!” Fuyumi chides them. “Shouto can get caught up tomorrow. Right now I want to know if Natsuo ever asked out that cute girl you’re on rotation with.”
“I can’t make things weird!” Natsuo cries out defensively. “I’ll do it when our rotation is over. Probably.”
“Cute girl?” Shouto cocks his head to the side. “Is Natsuo going to get a new girlfriend?”
“Shut up, Shouto!” Natsuo grumbles, only earning him amused giggles from his mother. “She’s not… And for the last time, that other girl was not my girlfriend.”
“She said she was,” Shouto argues, and it takes no time for the rest of the dinner to settle into playful sibling banter. Izuku watches with interest, thankful to see his husband returning to normal with his family. Even Enji and Rei manage to get in a little half-hearted scolding for their children.
When his mother gives him the mochi, Shouto is quick to take a bite, holding out the other half for his husband, who eyes the treat nervously. “Are you full?” he asks.
“You should… it’s your favorite. You should enjoy it,” Izuku laughs nervously. He doesn’t know why, but sharing this with Shouto feels wrong now. After all of his other half-eaten treats were abandoned and not shared willingly.
Shouto’s face falls slightly, but he recovers quickly, expression subtle enough that the only ones who notice are his mother and Izuku. “It’s fine,” he says, setting the pink ball down. “I’ll be right back.”
He leaves the room quickly, making his way to the front of the house. The cool air bites against his face, but it feels grounding, at least. He actively suppresses his own quirk, letting the night set his temperature for him, ignoring the sting of tears against his cheeks. Whatever happened in the last week he hadn’t felt this distant from Izuku since they started dating. Really since they became friends. And now he felt like a stranger with his own husband, like no matter what everything he worked for was gone with memories no longer his.
“He still loves you,” his mom tells him gently, leaning against the wall with him. “I think he’s just nervous. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”
“I hurt him, didn’t I?” Shouto asks her, staring directly into her eyes. “Did I… It is something I can never take back, isn’t it?”
She laughs, and he wants to yell, wants to be angry. Why is she laughing while he’s suffering through the most confusing time of his life? But once she settles down she wraps him in her arms, running fingers through his hair in the most comforting way he’s ever known. “Baby don’t worry. Nothing as bad as you think happened. Just let him come to you, okay?”
Shouto nods, resting his face against his mom’s shoulder, unsuccessfully holding back his sobs. She says nothing, just continues to stroke his hair and hold him tightly. It’s nice, he thinks, to have a moment to just be a child with her again.
Once he calms down she leads him back inside, where Izuku has already eaten the other half of the mochi. “Todoroki- ah, sorry, Shouto, I-”
Shouto doesn’t let him finish, pressing his lips to the other’s, paying no mind to the small audience they have. “It’s fine, Izuku,” he whispers when he breaks the kiss. “I love you.”
“I- I love you, too, Sho,” Izuku smiles, pressing a quick kiss against Shouto’s cheek before turning his attention back to the others. “I, um, think maybe Shouto and I should go home now.”
Natsuo snorts, earning him a quick slap from his sister, only fueling more laughter from the rest of the room. After goodbyes are had, Izuku drives them home, one hand resting on Shouto’s thigh the whole way.
“I missed you,” Izuku breaks the silence when they are about halfway home. “I don’t want to lose you like that again, Shouto.”
“I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I don’t want to lose you either, ‘Zuku.”
“Hey, at least you came back,” he smiles, and the two spend the rest of the drive in a more comfortable silence. It’s nice to be with his husband again.
As soon as they’re home the cats excitedly pile on the bed, waiting for their dads to be ready to sleep. It doesn’t take long, the stress of the day getting to them both, and they’re soon snuggled up in bed, Izuku’s arms wrapped tightly around Shouto, bringing him to his chest. Shouto falls asleep the way he normally does- listening to the steady heartbeat of his husband that assures them that they’re both alive and real.
~*~
Shouto enters his old UA dorm room. It’s decorated the way it was at the end of his third year- walls covered with photos and mementos of his friends, reminders of all the bonds he’s built at the school. A younger version of himself, dressed in his UA gym uniform, stands in the center, staring at everything.
“So you’re happy now,” the younger Todoroki comments.
“Usually,” Shouto answers, settling into the chair at his desk. “You’re happy, too.”
The younger Todoroki glares at him, but doesn’t argue verbally, instead leaning against the door in frustration.
“You don’t know it, yet, but you made yourself happy. All of this,” Shouto gestures around the room, “is because of all the effort you put in.”
“I didn’t-”
Shouto cringes and groans loudly; he wishes he could have never said that, never have to think about how edgy he tried to be as a teenager. “Want to make friends, I know. But you did. And we’re here now.”
“You’re here now,” the boy says bitterly.
He feels a wave of sympathy for his younger self. The anger, the resentment, the loneliness and hatred all rolled together. “I didn’t brush you off,” Shouto tells him. “You’ve always been- always are a part of me, really. It’s not like you were thrown away.”
“None of them wanted me around,” Todoroki argues.
“That’s not true,” Shouto muses thoughtfully. “I think they missed you, didn’t they? Don’t you think they were happy when you were there?”
Todoroki huffs, but his lack of an answer confirms Shouto’s suspicions.
“You’re as much a part of me as I am, you know.”
“The villain said his quirk was ‘Worst Nightmare’. That means I’m the worst nightmare you could have, doesn’t it?”
Shouto shakes his head, gesturing for his younger self to come over. The boy complies, sitting next to his adult counterpart. “My worst nightmare is losing those around me. But it looks like his quirk wasn’t that strong.”
“Why do you say that?” Todoroki asks.
“I didn’t lose anyone, did I? If anything… If anything I gained you.”
“You’re cheesy.”
Shouto smirks, but he doesn’t miss the slight comfort that passes through the expression on his younger self’s face. Yeah, he’s cheesy, but he’s happy.
“Give him a chance for me, okay?”
“I’m gone, right? Eri’s quirk means that I don’t exist anymore, doesn’t it?”
“You exist with me,” Shouto shrugs. “So be nice to Izuku. He… he loves us, okay?”
~*~
Shouto wakes up before his younger self can answer. It’s late at night, and his husband and cats are still all asleep around him. He doesn’t think he can go back to sleep yet, and that’s fine. He’ll take a few moments to lay here, feeling the love of all of those around him comforting him again.
But, most importantly, he can take the time to love himself again, too.