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His day honestly didn’t start any different from normal. In all honesty he doesn’t know what made it end like this.
Well, maybe he did.
Maybe this had something to do with his hidden items.
But in his defense, what’s a man to do? Not gather items? Rely solely on the man that’s killed him twice before?
Dream wanted things to go a certain way and once again, Tommy fucked that up. So yeah, Tommy could be at fault here.
But then again, Tommy thought, blowing up Logstedshire was a bit much.
So here he’s sat, at the top of his little tower, wondering what will happen should he fall. Does he want to? To feel the freedom of his own choice, the wind in his hair, the knowledge that he would see Lady Death?
Would anyone know?
Dream had said he wasn’t coming back, Tommy was fully, truly , alone.
No one visited for months, no one cared. Tubbo exiled him, Techno mocked him, Ghostbur vanished, and now Dream. The only person who still cared, the only friend he had left, gave up on him. All because Tommy was selfish enough to mess this up. He should’ve just listened, Dream was fair, was nice! There weren’t too many rules; just to listen to Dream… stay where he was… put his things in the hole… don’t talk back… rely on Dream-
He didn’t feel like thinking about that anymore.
He stared down at his feet, kicking them in the air. A fall from here would kill.
It's not like he hasn't heard these thoughts before, above the lava, waking up in the ocean. The more he thinks back the more frequent they’ve become.
In all honesty he’s helping out the server, should he jump.
No one really wanted him around anymore, Tubbo made that quite clear.
With those thoughts in his head he leaned forward, let the cool fingers of the wind ruffle his hair, and had gravity take him to meet his mother.
It felt like freedom.
~o0o~
Tubbo’s week didn’t start any differently than normal.
He woke up, went into the office, and heard the constant screaming of his cabinet. Yeah same as always .
At least he had Ranboo at his side.
It should have been Tommy .
The meeting took hours, Tubbo couldn’t even say what it was about. It went from Technobalde to Dream to money, it was never consistent, never productive.
Honestly, he didn’t feel much like a president, just a child playing dress up trying to follow along.
He always felt smaller in these meetings, he was the president for fucks sake why was he cowering and letting Quackity take over? Technoblade this Technoblade that, Tubbo hears this everyday.
“Enough Quackity…” annnnd ignored, as per usual.
He resigned himself to this being yet another useless meeting and zoned out.
~o0o~
Ranboo had convinced him to go visit Tommy. It was all, “it's been a while” and “he misses you” and “wouldn’t you want him to visit you?” So yeah, he caved. He honestly couldn’t say why he stayed away for so long. Guilt, maybe. Perhaps the fear that Tommy blamed him. Who could say really, lots of possibilities.
As he enters the portal to the nether he wonders about Tommy. How was his beach? Was Tommy having a good time despite being alone? Tubbo giggles at the thought of how many animals Tommy adopted, what the newest exotic one is, how he hopes it's not a mob.
He reaches Tommy’s portal soon enough with a smile on his face, damn he’s missed his friend .
But the smile quickly dropped when he saw the state of the nether portal.
It was a mess, the fire was out, portal unlight. The blocks surrounding it were decimated, like someone took TNT to the portal. Clearly no one was to enter. Or leave .
Tubbo didn’t happen to have any flint and steel on him, nor were there any chests nearby, so with a sinking heart he walked back to the main hub. Clearly, he thought, Tommy didn’t want any visitors.
He returned to L’manburg, ready to have his afternoon off spent in his office doing paperwork.
~o0o~
A day later and that stupid, unlight, portal wouldn’t leave his head.
Why were the blocks around it destroyed? If Tommy didn’t want visitors the overworld side would have been broken, not the nether side. It didn’t make sense.
It wasn’t Tommy keeping people out, it was someone keeping Tommy in. But why couldn’t Tommy just make a new portal? Leave the beach if he was in any danger?
More importantly, who left him there?
Last Tubbo had heard Dream was watching him, keeping him company, bringing updates. Tubbo had heard from Dream that Tommy was fine. That he was having fun, treating his exile like a vacation.
But it was Dream, if rumors were to be believed no one had seen Tommy for months other than Dream. Wouldn’t that leave the ruined portal to him?
With a sinking feeling in his gut Tubbo headed back into the nether, with some obsidian and flint for the portal.
~o0o~
Stepping through the portal didn’t show much, the beach was a ways away and Tommy’s house was nowhere in sight.
No Tommy either.
Tubbo walked down the path to the beach looking for anything that could tell him what happened to Tommy’s portal. If Tommy had left or if something had happened.
It didn’t take long to find his answer.
There were holes all along the beach, quite similar to L’manburg during the wither attacks. The house was in ruins, pieces scattered all over the beach with only a few pillars remaining. Worst of all, there was a tower in the distance.
A tower that went straight up, with no way down.
Dread set in. Was he too late? What had happened? Why was Logshed in shambles?
The only answer he was getting was from Tommy, he had to find Tommy. Everything else could wait.
He glanced around, the only possible thing he could tie to Tommy was the tower, sure had it been thicker and less haphazard he would have thought it to be a normal Tommy tower. But this one was different, it was all kinds of materials not just cobblestone.
The closer he walked the more his stomach sank.
There was a lump at the bottom of the tower.
Now, sure , that lump could’ve been anything really. Some clothes left behind, a fallen mob, a person , some materials. But the feeling of gloom in the Logsted air told Tubbo it wasn’t anything innocent.
About 1,000 feet away Tubbo could smell it.
He couldn’t see it clearly yet but he could sure fucking smell it.
The smell of decay, of meat that had been left out too long, of fruit gone bad. It was a body. It was a body that would not wake again. A body of the third life lost. The only one left to bury.
He started running.
It can’t be Tommy, Tommy wouldn’t do this, Tommy would come to him for help .
Right?
But the closer he got the more obvious it was. The figure was blond, the shirt was red on the shoulders, the tan pants, the white shoes.
He was a mess, that was Tommy, broken bones and all.
That was his best friend, at the foot of the tower.
He slid through the sand on his knees as he reached the body.
As gently as Tubbo could he picked up Tommy and laid him out on his lap.
Running a hand through Tommy’s hair he started crying, hugging the mangled body as best he could.
“You are my sunshine” He spoke through his tears, it was the song of their childhood, their youth, the promise that they would be there for each other, that everything would be ok.
But his echo was missing, there was no “my only sunshine” in return. It was just Tubbo, singing to an empty, blood covered beach.
“You make me happy. When skies are gray” he sobbed, holding Tommy’s body closer, wishing, praying this was all a dream he’d awake from, he’d awake and head to this very beach, this very beach and save his friend from his loneliness. Bring Tommy home, screw Dream and his stupid ultimatum, he never should have made that choice. He never should have put that stupid country above his best friend.
And now Tommy was gone. Tommy was gone and it was because of a decision he made.
“You’ll never know dear.” He really wouldn’t would he? Were his last thoughts of Tubbo’s betrayal? Of how everyone had used him until he lost purpose and kicked him out?
“How much I love you”
“Please don't take.. my sunshine away” But it was too late for that. He was gone gone gone gone gone-
He was gone and Tubbo felt the blame. Tubbo held his friend, his brother as close as he could.
His eyes are open
Tubbo ran a hand down Tommy’s face, crassessing his cheek. It would never be rosy again, he would never see Tommy’s smile again, hear his laughter.
Being annoyed was so much better than this.
He closed Tommy’s eyes.
“The other night, dear” It was just the other day wasn’t it? Just the other day he had tried to get through the portal. Would he have been on time had the portal been lit? Would he have seen Tommy fall or would he have been able to convince him to stay? To stay here, in this world, in this life, despite the suffering Tommy was going through.
“As I lay sleeping”
“I dreamed I held you… In my arms” The last Tommy hug he’d ever get was from this bruised broken figure that was once his friend. That once made him feel like he was unstoppable.
That unstoppable force was gone and Tubbo was supposed to live on without his Tommy.
“When I awoke, dear”
“I was mistaken” His tears fell onto Tommy’s cold, bruised face.
“So I hung… my head… and cried” He paused. Tubbo looked around at Logsetdshire knowing this wasn’t the place to bury Tommy. Tommy deserved to be where he loved, in his home, somewhere he felt safe.
But was that even L’manburg anymore?
They kicked him out. They deemed him untrustworthy, useless.
“You are my sunshine” He stood up, bringing Tommy’s body with him. Tommy’s arms were dangling out of his grasp as he walked back to the portal. The lengthy body of his friend misshapen and not fitting in his arms, not that he ever would have normally.
“My only sunshine” The line that was specifically Tommy’s. He was sunshine, it was what Wilbur called him growing up. It was his smile, his enthusiasm, his will, determination, everything about Tommy was bright. Was sunshine.
“You make me happy” How was he supposed to carry on with no Tommy? He had told Tommy that without Tubbo he was himself, but what was Tubbo without Tommy? Because he sure didn’t feel like anything other than a mess.
He was just a kid, a kid in a roll too big for him.
A sixteen year old who just wanted his best friend back.
“When skies are gray” Standing in the portal he could see the sky. He’d heard stories about permanent deaths, about rainy days and gloom all around. About how everyone knew something was wrong.
It was far too bright out for this to feel real.
“You'll never know, dear” Walking back through the nether felt like a dream. He had gone for Tommy and he’d return with Tommy.
Just not the right way.
“How much I love you” And that was the kicker wasn’t it? Tommy was really truly gone and the last thing Tubbo said to him was he brought destruction and didn’t have a home in L’manburg.
“Please don't take” Tommy had probably died thinking Tubbo didn’t love him anymore, didn’t want Tommy in his life.
“My sunshine away”
The sun was still shining in L’manburg.
~o0o~