Chapter Text
The moment you walked into the office and heard the words “physics magic”, you knew you’d fall for whoever had spoken them. Your point was only further proven upon seeing the sweater vest-laden man cheering behind his desk after launching a makeshift rocket across the room.
From the first moment you saw him, you knew Spencer Reid would be the one.
What started as a cute office crush quickly spiraled into one of the best friendships you’d ever had. The two of you went together like peanut butter and jelly, and where one went the other was never too far behind. It only made the team stronger, too, the pair of you able to finish each other’s thoughts and theories better than you ever thought possible.
It was easy with Spencer, and that was the most terrifying part. Terrifying, because even now as you sat working at your desk, you were aware of the man occupying the one beside you. You forced yourself not to focus on the one little curl that had fallen into his face, his hair a little more unruly now that he’d elected to stop slicking it back. You fought not to think about his hands and the way they might feel against you, or the way he looked so effortlessly gorgeous in that red cardigan.
You couldn’t think about it, because over the past couple of years you’d become one of his closest friends. It felt wrong to picture him in that way when he had no clue you ever wanted to. It was even worse now that you knew the whole rest of the team had figured it out too, the only one left out of the loop being the only one who should know.
So maybe that was why, on a random Tuesday in the office, you decided it was time to come clean. For better or for worse, by the end of the day, Spencer would know everything.
“Hey, Spence, wanna take lunch early today?” you asked as you approached his desk, gently tapping his upper arm to get his attention. Sometimes the man could get so deep into his work that it took a physical touch to break the focus.
“Hm?” Spencer hummed, turning his head to look at you and positively beaming. “That sounds great, I have something to tell you.”
“Funny enough, so do I,” you told him, the two of you making your way to the little table in the breakroom.
Spencer pulled out his own carefully packaged lunch, a perfect combination of each food group. You pulled out your own, a few hasty items shoved into a paper bag leftover from your last grocery trip. It was easy to remember when you pestered Spencer into eating healthy lunches after he admitted he often forgot it entirely, but sometimes it was tough to remember to make that choice for yourself.
Spencer eyed your bag, clearly trying not to pass judgment but a bit of a sassy eyebrow twitch coming through anyway. “What’s for lunch today?”
“Doritos and an Uncrustable PB&J,” you answered, happily munching on the first chip.
“I thought we agreed we were both doing better,” Spencer pointed out, gesturing to his little Tupperware container of fruit. “Fruit is considerably less exciting than Doritos.”
“How about I pay a Dorito tax and we’ll call it even?” you suggested, dumping a handful of chips onto a napkin and sliding it over to him.
“I accept these terms, but tomorrow you’re packing a vegetable.”
“I can do that.”
“A green one,” he added, a knowing smirk on his face as he tried to claim victory.
“Well now you’re just being cruel,” you teased.
“So what did you have to tell me?” Spencer asked, causing your heart to race all over again. One moment you were playfully bantering with one of the most important people in your life, and now you were risking all of it on one confession. Could you really do it? What if he didn’t feel the same way?
“You go first,” you deflected instead, figuring you could use the time to re-work up the courage.
“Well,” Spencer began, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck and suddenly looking far too nervous for your liking. His eyes looked around the room, landing on just about everything but you, and his cheeks even turned a brilliant shade of pink. “JJ told me she liked me yesterday.”
“Well, I’d hope she does. She’s like one of your best friends,” you pointed out, hoping that was all this was.
“No, I mean, she likes me,” Spencer clarified, practically digging a knife deep into the center of your chest. “Isn’t that great?”
No, it wasn’t great. It wasn’t great at all because JJ was absolutely perfect. She was stunning, and kind, and wanted children right away like you knew Spencer sometimes thought about. She was everything that would make a perfect partner for Spencer, and how could you possibly compete with that?
“Yeah, that’s so great, Spence. I’m happy for you,” you tried, voice rising a little higher in pitch to convey the happiness you certainly weren’t feeling.
“I never thought someone like her could think of me that way,” Spencer admitted, only breaking your heart more that he truly thought that about himself.
“Oh c’mon, you’re a total catch,” you laughed, suddenly feeling less hungry and more sick to your stomach. “And you know what? As my congratulations present to you, please take the rest of these Doritos,” you told him, sliding over the rest of your lunch, “I’m so behind on reports, I need to take a quick lunch today.”
“Wait, what about what you were going to tell me?” Spencer asked, eyebrows tilted in concern as you stood from the table.
“It’s really not that important. I already forgot what it was anyway,” you lied, practically running out of the breakroom and leaving any chance you had with Spencer behind.
It was nearly impossible to focus for the rest of the day. There he was, sitting at the desk beside yours like always, but now you couldn’t even focus on his hair or the way his nose scrunched up when he thought really intensely about something. All you could think about was how much Spencer deserved JJ, how she would make him so happy and for that reason alone you couldn’t even be upset about this.
So at the end of the day when the team decided to go out for drinks, you made up an excuse and rushed out of the office, not wanting to see the happy couple when you knew you’d missed your chance by mere minutes.
The second you were home, the work clothes came off and the comfy clothes came on. It would be a self-care not for the ages, the hours passed by with movies, and ice cream, and anything else you needed. Because after tonight, you wouldn’t hold onto whatever you felt for Spencer. It wouldn’t be healthy for either of you, not if you wanted to continue the beautiful friendship the two of you had built over the years. You’d have to get used to seeing Spencer and JJ together, and for that reason alone you had to spend tonight saying goodbye to whatever hopeful feelings you once held.
It lasted until midnight. Just as you were starting up another silly rom-com, a knock sounded at your door. Like second nature, your hands were grabbing for your gun and your eyes were scanning the room, trying to search for quick escapes. There was no reason for anyone to be at the house this late, leaving you to only picture the kinds of people you dedicated your life to catching.
Never once did you ever expect to see the man of the hour standing at your door, looking breathless as if he’d run all the way here. Spencer’s hair was a mess, tousled from the wind, and his shirt was rumpled as if he’d been adjusting the collar of it all night. His hands clung to the strap of his messenger bag tightly, knuckles white with the effort.
Most of all, his amber eyes were staring at you as though he saw you in a different light.
“I thought the team was going out for drinks?” you asked, nervousness building up in your body. What was he doing here so late? Was everything okay? Were you called in for a case and missed the bat signal from Hotch?
“We did,” Spencer spoke hurriedly, “and I was trying to figure out what I did to upset you. I didn’t...”
“Spence, it’s okay, you didn’t do an-”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Spencer blurted out, stopping you immediately in your tracks. Oh G-d, he knew. Spencer knew, and he was with JJ, and here was the moment where it all came crashing down.
“I wanted to, but it doesn’t matter now,” you told him gently, “I’ll get over it, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” Spencer told you, pulling a wince from you just as quickly. “It’s not okay, because I don’t want you to get over it.”
And, did you hear that right? You searched his expression for any sign of a joke but instead, all you saw was insistent care, a desperation to prove what he was saying was real. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying it was always you, Y/N.” The words stole your breath, plucking it right from your chest and leaving you standing, lips parted and aching for something, anything. “I thought I liked JJ, but I just kept thinking about you. I thought you only saw me as a friend.”
“I thought the same,” you admitted, feeling relieved tears beginning to build in your eyes and hearing them begin to wobble your voice. “I never thought someone like you could think of me in that way,” you echoed his words from earlier.
“Please, from the moment I heard you tell me how to make the physics magic trick fly further, I knew you were special,” Spencer admitted, stepping closer to you until he was close enough to take your hands.
“Did you know it’s safer to kiss than hold hands?” you dared softly, a smile forming on Spencer’s lips at the reference to his own words.
“I did know that,” Spencer answered in the same soft voice, keeping a hold on your hands but leaning to capture your lips in a kiss.
It was everything you ever hoped it would be, and more. People always say that sparks fly when it’s the one, but you never quite believed them until this moment. Spencer was kissing you, was telling you that the feelings you’d been so ashamed of for years had been reciprocated the entire time.
Spencer was choosing you, and what else was there to say?