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i. friends
The first time they found themselves under the night sky, with the cold air breeze brushing their skin, was on their second day of camp. Can we start over? Was enough for Ricky Bowen to smile at her as if she was a miracle. Like what she said was going to fix something in his life that has been going downhill for months since she left it.
Gina was nervous about auditions because she was really trying out for the lead role, and the suspense of not knowing what role she was getting was starting to drive her insane. So, she wrapped her pink cardigan around her and sat by the camp’s pool, her feet inside the water, where the stars illuminated their reflections over the small waves.
Then Ricky came stumbling in, one hand in his curls, brushing them through his fingers, and the other one rubbing his eyes, while a small grumble came from his mouth.
She sat up straighter at his presence, some nerves traveling up her spine. He still had this affect on her she couldn’t quite describe. Like the way her heart dropped, fingers tingled and she felt warm, the sparks on her stomach couldn’t go unnoticed. However, she had a boyfriend now. She didn’t think it was right for her too feel that way about someone else.
“Porter,” he said surprised when he caught a glimpse of her. He blinked a few times, adjusting his vision in the darkness and once he confirmed it was in fact, Gina Porter, sitting by the pool, hair down and wrapped in a pink cardigan, he proceeded to curve up a smile. “Can’t sleep huh?”
“How can you tell?” She asked sarcastically.
He laughed, dropping his head down. “I can’t sleep either, EJ snores so loud,” he admits, casually taking off his sandals and sitting besides her. Maybe a little too close, but Gina didn’t utter a word about it. His feet also dipped in the water and that’s when he turned to look at her. “What about you?”
“Nerves,” she shrugged, looking away from him to the sky. To look at other stars that aren’t Ricky Bowen’s eyes. “I really want the lead role.”
“You’ll get it.”
“How would you know?” She scoffs dryly, playing with her fingers on her lap.
“Because, you’re the most talented person I know, you’re literally perfect for the role.”
The dancer takes a deep breath, trying to not let his words affect her. He’s just a friend. “Do you even know what role it is?”
“They’re sisters, I think?—Uh, or at least that’s what Carlos mentioned—“ he trailed off, his face pondering so deeply that his forehead creased, and Gina couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head. Of course he would have absolutely no idea what the play was about, she didn’t expect any less. “Anyways, you don’t have to worry, trust me.”
She hummed at his words, still not feeling so sure, toying with her fingers nervously and he placed his hand on top of hers before realizing he did so. “You’ll be the perfect Anastasia.”
Gina inhaled at the warm feeling of his hand on hers, his words were filled with such honesty, she knew he meant it. Even if he did get the name absolutely wrong, he looked so confident in his words that Gina’s doubts were swimming away because of him. She decided to clear the growing tension, she wondered if he also felt, by clearing her throat to shoot a quick reply, “It’s Anna.”
“Right,” Ricky agreed, clearly lost. “Anna and Emelie?“
“Anna and Elsa.”
“Right, I knew that,” he cleared his throat embarrassed, deciding to look up instead to try and hide his flushed cheeks. “Uh, the stars are so bright tonight.”
“Very,” she agrees, her eyes lost in the sky in fascination, trying to ignore the hand on top of hers on her lap. She wondered if he realized it was still there.
Ricky glanced down at her and smiled, “I missed you.”
“Huh?”
“I missed us,” he repeats. “Spending time with you.”
Then he looked back up, and she did too, peaceful silence dancing around their bubble. She could stay like this forever, she thinks, Ricky, the spicy scent of his cologne swirling around her orbit, his hand on hers tracing mindless patterns with his thumb, and the stars reflecting down on them as if they were sharing a moment worth capturing.
Only a few more minutes had passed between them before she began yawning, and he persisted on walking her back to her cabin. Leaving her with a whispered goodnight she could’ve sworn she dreamt, if it only wasn’t for Maddox asking her the next morning where she was last night. Gina told the redhead she was just by the pool to think and never once mentioned the curly haired boy. Deciding to keep him a fragment of her own imagination, because she thinks if she admits he was there, admits it was real, then she’s admitting her feelings for him never really went away, and she’s not exactly ready to face that reality just yet.
ii. friends with perhaps something more
The second time was when they were rehearsing late. They were trying to give their all in their respective parts as the leads, and staying behind after hours reading lines and practicing duets was becoming a regular thing.
However, midnight came upon them and he was now walking Gina to her cabin, which was beginning to become a daily occurrence as well. They’ve been sharing so much time together and it’s all he could’ve wanted, but something in him wanted more. Feelings he couldn’t understand before where resurfacing so quickly it was hard to keep them bottled in. It was as if she was taking everything he’d known, everything he tried to repair and took it with her hands and changed it. Broke the glass of the bottle he tried to close and he couldn’t seem to glue the pieces back together.
When his glare lingered on EJ and Gina cuddling in the corners that’s when he knew, and he was very scared. Very scared because she touched him and his skin felt on fire. He was in too deep, he was afraid he would get caught. Afraid she would hate him and he couldn’t live with that fact. She was his best friend and he wanted her in his life even if her happiness didn’t lie with him. He just wanted the best for her.
Gina glanced back at him for a second and he couldn’t remember how to breath. He wondered if it’s always been like this, and if he’s only just now realizing how she takes his breath away every time without trying. The specks in her eyes seem to gleam brighter in the mist of the night. Not really fair how enthralling she looks in hot summer nights, he thinks.
Though, he does not want to ruin the friendship he’s been working so hard on rekindling because of his feelings. So, he smiled and she giggled in return, turning right back around continuing her step. He wishes he could capture the sound of her laugh to keep sacred. He swears that if he’s having a bad day just one sound of her giggle will make all his problems go away.
Ricky stopped mid walk, a sigh on his lips as he looked up to the sky looking for answers in the constellations, and she curiously looked back again, stopping in her tracks. Gina could feel his presence change from a mile away.
“Have you ever thought of Kristoff and Anna and how they, and a lot of people just deny their feelings until the end? Like we all know they’re in love but they don’t want to admit it? It’s so frustrating.”
“It’s what makes the story more emotional I guess,” Gina shrugged. “They always find their way to each other in the end though.”
“Why can’t it be more simple? Like, if love was mapped out into constellations, would we all be smart enough to just look up and see it, or would we never know?"
"Are you speaking to me in riddles, Bowen?"
His brown eyes bounced back down at her huge grin and confused face, wondering where Ricky Bowen’s head was at in that moment. Gina was taken aback and highly confused, she’s never heard this side of him, maybe Ashlyn’s astrology talk was getting to Ricky more than she had thought.
The skater’s cheeks flushed red, praying she didn’t think too much into the words he just said. He’s pretty sure the word love coming out of his mouth made his heart race tremendously. He wonders if hers did too, wonders if she understood, if she listened close enough.
Ricky simply came to the conclusion that the stars were just telling him that he was a scared seventeen year old boy, and that’s why he was in this heart wrenching predicament.
He was someone whose words didn't flow so easily from his tongue. He's not one to outright say things, the words usually coming out incomprehensible when he tries. She was a very hesitant person, scared to say the wrong thing, scared she might read into things too much, an over thinker. So, perhaps they would never truly know the thoughts swirling through their heads, and the way their hearts skipped a beat when they saw a glimpse of each other. Maybe they were just teenagers that weren't really that smart. Perhaps they missed their time, or some things are just meant to be left the way they were and the universe will handle its destiny.
The stars and constellations would align by themselves when the time was right.
“Never mind,” Ricky chuckled, dismissing the words he had spoken. “It’s just late night thoughts talking, it’s really late.”
“Come on Kristoff, you need some rest,” she giggled, patting his shoulder with her palm, which made him shudder and freeze under her touch all at the same time. He hopes she didn’t notice the stutter in him. Hopes she doesn’t notice the love he feels overflowing him every time she looks at him.
After a short second, he shook himself and grinned back, “Whatever you say, Anna,” and followed right behind her, matching her step.
iii. more than just friends
The sky speckled stars across its horizons and darkness loomed over Camp Shallow Lake, except for the small growing light around the campfire burning. It was past the time they should’ve been gone to bed, locked inside their cabins, but Ricky Bowen didn’t really care to follow the rules. So, he sat by the logs, elbows on his knees, staring at the orange flames trying to find answers to the growing questions in his mind that grew with the fire. To no surprise they were filled with only one person. Her ability to come in his mind even when he tried not to was driving him insane. He was starting to come to terms with the fact that he would always have a corner in his mind reserved for her and what they had, or could’ve had, and gosh, he hates only having the possibility of them. What ifs and maybes is what they’re relationship consisted of, and he wishes those were more easier to decode.
The night before was camp prom and what he thought was finally a moment where they were both on the same page, everything came crashing down proving him wrong.
“You should apologize to EJ,” he heard someone’s voice say and snapped his head back immediately. He recognizes that voice anywhere.
There stood Gina, arms crossed over her chest, blinking back at him and he swallows imaginary air because her presence just made him feel weak every time.
“For what?”
She raised her eyebrow incredulously and took a couple steps forward to where he sat. “You pushed him in the lake during color wars the other day.”
“He pushed me in too,” he scoffed.
“And then, you and Jet locked him out from the cabin,” she proceeded to walk closer as she spoke, the reflection of the fire slowly now casting on her figure.
“Because he snores too loud, it was a joke—“
“You were being rude to him during breakfast the next day too.”
“I was defending you,” he argued. “He forgot your date, for the third time!”
“But that’s something between him and I, Ricky, it doesn’t involve you!” She retorted, glaring at him, her voice rising.
“Well, I’m sorry I care about you,” The skater shook his head, turning to look away from her, his voice coming out slightly shaky. He despises the fact he couldn’t seem to help the way his eyes slightly watered, trying his best to keep his emotions locked.
Gina halted for a moment, noticing the tone of his voice and sighed, taking a seat next to him only a few inches away on the log. “Ricky, don’t be like that.”
“I’m tired Gina,” he confesses. “Tired of acting like this thing we have going on is working.”
Her eyebrows furrowed and a pout takes over her lips. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t just be your friend,” he finally says. The voice of Jet saying that Ricky and Gina were ‘friends’ in air quotes one day echoed in his mind. “You’re not just my friend Gi, you’re more than that, and I hate that I have to see you spend time with EJ Caswell the way I want to spend time with you,” Ricky stops himself for a moment, watching her stare back at him, eyes growing in shock at every word spilling from his mouth. He debated if he should keep blurting out what’s been on his mind for so long. However, he’s already felt like he dug himself in too deep to go back on his words to ponder on that thought too much. “—and I hate how selfish that makes me sound, because I don’t think I even deserve you, and I’m glad to have you in my life anyway I can, but I just, I can’t control my feelings Gina.”
Her mouth dropped slightly and she brought her gaze away from Ricky to the fire in front of them instead. Silence swirled around them as she gathered her thoughts. Contemplating if she should even be admitting things to the boy she never truly got over when she had just privately broken up with her ex, EJ Caswell, not too long ago. That’s why she told the skater to apologize, so they won’t leave camp with bad blood between them. Especially because she knew deep down this wasn’t just some silly game, there were real feelings involved, and she doesn’t want to get hurt, or hurt any of them—and most importantly hurt herself.
Gina sighed, going against her thoughts and diving head first with her heart. “I’ve tried to get you out of my mind all summer. Tried to be a good girlfriend and you—“
“I want you to be happy,” he interrupted in defense. “I haven’t done anything to sabotage what you have with EJ.”
“You don’t have to,” she scoffs, throwing her hair over her shoulder. “No matter how hard I tried you’re there, in my mind.”
“Then I guess we’re in the same boat, Porter,” he sighed, also placing his gaze towards the fire like her, the flames seemed to increase.
More silence floated around them. “Why?” She whispered into the void.
Ricky heard her clearly and sneaked a glance at her. “Why what?”
“Why were you about to kiss me last night?”
“You didn’t stop me—“
“Ricky, you should know how I feel about you by now. I’m not going to keep playing this game with you, okay?” Gina stood up, suddenly annoyed. “I’m not going to get hurt again because you—“
Ricky interrupts her, also standing up. “I was about to kiss you last night and you pulled away.”
“Because—“
“Does he know?”
Gina closed her eyes at the mention of his name, like if it was a painful thought, and took a deep breath. “Obviously not, I don’t even want to know it myself Ricky. You weren’t in my summer plans.”
“You weren’t in my plans either,” Ricky admits, his voice lowering at his confession. “I wish—“ he stops himself and wonders why it’s so hard to communicate his feelings into words. Gina made him feel so much it was indescribable.
“Say it.”
“It’s silly,” he whispered back, hiding his hands into his front pockets, kicking the dirt beneath his converse.
“That can be said about a lot of the things that you say.”
That brings out a smile from him for the first time that night. “I wish—“ he took a glance up to the sky trying to find the right words to say. “I wish that every night I could just look up and see our stars together, that our paths are finally aligned, that the universe will finally give us our right time, and yes Porter, I know I might be speaking in riddles right now.”
“Ricky—“
“Who are we trying to fool here, Gi? I like you, and I can’t keep pretending like I don’t because that’ll just be a lie and I’m not a liar.” He takes an abrupt step forward, closing the gap between them and grabs her wrist. “Let me see your hand,” Ricky mutters, placing her hand on his chest, above his heart. The silent thumps under her palm made her cheeks grow warm. “My heart’s racing, and it’s not because of the ghost of Susan Fine.”
Gina swears her own heart dropped, and the way he’s looking at her is making her loose her senses so much she doesn’t know what to say. So she doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t say anything when his face grows closer to hers, and doesn’t say anything when his other hand comes up and settles on her cheek. His thumb traces over her skin and her lower lip trembles at the sudden goosebumps traveling up her spine.
“Ricky—“
“If you really want me to stop just tell me—“ his face grew closer and she closed her eyes at his nose bumping hers like an eskimo kiss. “You’re not telling me to stop,” his voice was deep and whispered over her face very close that she curses at him for being so taunting, and then at herself for wanting nothing more but to close the small gap between them so badly.
“You’re not afraid?” Gina finally utters, her voice many octaves lower then usual, not wanting to break the moment they shared.
“How do you want me to answer that question?”
“They say actions speak louder than words,” she replies, and he placed his lips on hers without a second thought.