Chapter Text
“Don’t tell me you’ve never had Sunday gravy!” Gina exclaimed, passing Rafael the large bowl full of red sauce, meatballs, and Italian sausage. “I swear, I don’t know how people who aren’t Italian ever survive.”
“They celebrate with other foods that are just as delicious, Gina,” Sonny replied sharply, rolling his eyes. “Rafael’s family has some terrific foods too…what’s that one, babe? The one your mom left a few weeks ago?”
“The casserole?” Rafael asked, grabbing a garlic knot as they went by. “That was arroz con pollo–it’s, ah, a chicken and rice dish…but my favorite is my mom’s pork. The one she makes most often is called lechon asado, and it’s incredibly good. I grew up eating it, though, especially on holidays with my grandparents, so it’s all sorts of happy memories.”
“Rafael was telling me how his grandmother used to make oatmeal for him when he was a little boy, too,” Deb shared, as though she wanted Rafael to know she’d remembered their conversation. He had to admit he was a bit impressed–part of him had figured she’d probably just forgotten about it as soon as they’d finished talking.
“Did you tell him that you’re the only one who loved the oatmeal, Ma?” Bella teased, and there were giggles around the entire table until Dom Sr. pointed his fork at his youngest daughter. “Hey now,” he interrupted. “Don’t you disrespect this woman’s oatmeal! Not a single one of you ever went to school hungry, or filled with that crappy instant oats they try to pass off as healthy.” Turning to his wife, he smiled. “I love your oatmeal, honey. Nobody makes oatmeal like my wife does.”
Deb beamed at him. “Thank you, honey.”
It occurred to Rafael that he had no recollection of Miguel ever complimenting Lucia’s cooking. Hell, it was hard to think of him complimenting her for anything at all. There had been one time that he could remember where they’d both been drunk, and Papi had grabbed her by the wrist, nearly yanking her off her feet as he pulled her over to him. Instead of her normal reaction of fear or anger, she’d laughed loudly, and so had he. Then he smacked her on the ass. “Sexy,” he’d teased, as though Rafael wasn’t even in the room. “You gonna give it up to Papi tonight, eh?” She’d smacked back lightly at his chest, giggling, before reminding him that their son was in the room.
He wasn’t sure if a smack on the ass and a growl of “sexy” was really a compliment, but that was about as close as they ever came.
Deb had invited them over for a family dinner in the early afternoon this Sunday, as well as Sonny’s sisters and their families. Gina had come alone, and Bella was there with Tommy, but Teresa wasn’t in town. Rafael had been surprised to see how Tommy, Bella’s husband, just seemed to naturally fit in with the siblings. He guessed that maybe Tommy had been around so long that everyone just thought of him as naturally being a part of the family. After all, he had been Bella’s high school boyfriend, if Rafael remembered correctly.
Everyone had been very welcoming to him, involving him in the conversation and encouraging him to talk about himself. He tried to answer the questions that came at him without feeling threatened or awkward. Deb was as kind to him as ever, and Sonny’s dad Dom, who Rafael had only met once before, was also quite friendly. As he watched the family interact through the afternoon, Rafael found a small part of himself feeling a bit jealous. He’d never had anything even close to this, unless you counted time when he was alone with his grandparents. In the past, he’d never wanted much to do with his lovers’ relatives. But these people were going to be his family, and soon. It would be good to know them.
After dinner, Rafael joined the rest of the siblings and Tommy, taking dishes and leftovers into the kitchen to begin the cleanup, until Dom Sr. called him. “Rafael, you’re a guest here. You’re not expected to clean up. Come with me.”
Glancing at Sonny, who grinned at him, Rafael followed the older man out of the kitchen and into the living room. “Sonny tells me you’re a scotch drinker,” Dom said, stepping behind the wet bar. “I know you’re probably used to something better, but I do have some Johnny Walker and Crown Royal…will either of those work?”
Rafael grinned. “Crown Royal, please. And thank you.”
Dom quickly poured him a double, neat, and handed it over before pouring one of the same for himself. Taking a seat in a large leather recliner, he nodded at Rafael. “So how long have you been practicing law?” he asked curiously.
“A little over ten years,” Rafael answered. “I’m fortunate to really enjoy what I do…working with victims can be very rewarding at times.”
“Sonny says you’re quite impressive, and Bella raved about you when you helped Tommy,” Dom mentioned. “So tell me, what does a thirty-five year old professional man like yourself see in a twenty-six year old guy who’s just finished night school?” he asked, a slight smirk on his face. “Not trying to insult you, Rafael, but I’m puzzled by this…by what in the world a man like you, who’s worldly and established, sees in a kid like my son?” He leaned forward slightly, then continued. “To be honest, once Sonny started talkin’ about you, I did a little research…read some old newspaper articles about you. You’re quite…commanding. I would imagine that you probably spend a good deal of time rubbing elbows with the city’s elite; maybe going to nicer restaurants and all. If I said “the Met”, you’d think operahouse. My boy, though? He’d think ball.” As Rafael forced a friendly chuckle in response to Dom’s joke, the older man took another slow sip from his glass. “I want to understand…why in the world would someone like you want to marry someone like my boy? I don’t know what you’d see in him. He’s…young, naive.”
“I see the world in him,” Rafael replied immediately, feeling passionate yet defensive. He should have expected this, but somehow, dinner had soothed his nerves and made him forget that this man was still a stranger to him. “Sonny is intelligent, compassionate, an incredible cop by any means. Respectfully, sir, I don’t see Sonny as being naive in the slightest. He’s handled some extremely difficult situations at work with a maturity and grace that even experienced cops struggle with.” He swallowed hard, then continued. “He’s also a loving partner and friend–”
Dom chuckled. “Two years ago, he was playing the club scene every weekend. He’s only twenty-six. Doesn’t have a home or a car, just finished his law degree but isn’t in a hurry to be a lawyer…you really think he’s ready to get married? You know as well as I do that who we are in our twenties is not who we are ten years later. Who he is today might be completely different than who he will be at thirty-six. How can you be so certain that you’ll still find this a good fit? You both are in completely different places in your lives.”
“I don’t think either of us will be the same man in ten years,” Rafael replied thoughtfully. He’d considered this many times, and he and Sonny had even talked about it before. “But we’re ready and willing to take that journey together, to learn and grow from one another, and to build a life together.” Carefully, Rafael set down his scotch. “May I ask how old Bella is?”
Dom’s back stiffened. “That’s irrelevant. She’s a young woman, and we’re not talking about her…”
“Okay,” Rafael nodded. “So this is because Sonny’s a man?”
Dom leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “In part, probably. Sonny is bisexual, and so there’s always the chance he could meet a nice girl and settle down. The fact you are both men will ultimately make life harder, and a gay marriage is definitely not what we dreamed of for Sonny. It probably also has to do with the fact that you’re nearly ten years older than my son, and it doesn’t take a genius to see the two of you are worlds apart in levels of sophistication. But more than any of that, it’s about the fact that my wife is terrified you’re going to break her son’s heart.”
Rafael sat up, stunned. Whatever he had been expecting the man to say, this wasn’t it. His direct and honest answer had robbed Rafael of the ability to respond, and the two men sat quietly, looking at one another for several moments.
“I don’t know how to refute that last part–your wife’s fears,” he finally replied, staring into the bottom of his glass. “All I can tell you is that I love your son fully and completely, and I respect him tremendously as well. I have never met anyone like him before, and I’ve never had feelings for anyone like this before, either. I don’t know that I can give you an answer that will satisfy you, but if you give me time to prove it, I’ll be able to show you. And that, I promise.”
Dom nodded, a tight smile on his face. “I will say, I’m glad the two of you are taking your time. As you mentioned, there’s no hurry. It’s not a race to the altar. It also gives us a little more time to get to know you, and for your mother to get to know our Sonny.”
“Well, he already impressed her–” he began as Sonny and his sisters loudly entered the room along with Tommy, each with a bowl of ice cream. Sonny took a seat next to Rafael and handed him a bowl of his own.
“Dessert time,” Deb announced, following them into the living room and handing a bowl to Dom. “Courtesy of your children, who manned the machine tonight,” she teased, sitting on the arm of his chair, and he leaned up and kissed her cheek.
Rafael and Sonny looked at each other and grinned.
***
They were in bed, and Sonny’s hands and mouth were everywhere. From Rafael’s face and neck to his chest and below, Sonny couldn’t get enough. He’d been waiting for this ever since before they left for Staten Island this morning.
Rafael was slowly kissing him back, returning gentle strokes and touches, so Sonny was a little surprised when the other man tilted his head away and said, “Do you ever realize how lucky you are to have the parents you do?”
Sonny stopped nibbling on the earlobe he’d had between his teeth and sighed. “Do you really wanna talk about my parents right now?”
Rafael smiled sweetly and nuzzled close. “Maybe a little.”
Sonny sighed again, then smiled and kissed him. “Yeah. I know I’m lucky. They’re good people.”
“It’s more than that,” Rafael replied, running fingers down Sonny’s bare chest. “They’re so sweet with each other…the way they speak of each other, how they tease and kiss one another…there’s such an inherent level of respect there. I think it’s so beautiful, Sonny. You’re so lucky to have grown up with that.”
“Yeah?” Sonny asked, thinking back over the afternoon and the affection his parents had shown one another. They’d always been that way, for as long as he could remember. His dad had always treated his mom respectfully, and vice versa, now that he thought about it, but it wasn’t something he’d spent a lot of time thinking about before. Taking a look at Rafael now, it occurred to him that his fiance had seen something today that he hadn’t grown up seeing. “I guess I am lucky. They’ve always been like that…always respectful of one another.”
Rafael hummed. “It’s more than that, too…it’s like they’re still clearly in love. The way your mom just brought him a bowl of ice cream and sat on the arm of his chair, and he kissed her cheek…” His smile pulled into a grin. “Not to gross you out, but it was like they enjoyed our company, but I knew they’d also be happy when we went home.”
Sonny snorted. “Yeah…my dad was waitin’ for us to clear out so he could turn on one of the games. My mom makes him turn it off when they have visitors, but I can guarantee you it was back on as soon as we left–”
Rafael smirked. “That’s not what I was talking about, Dominick.”
Sonny furrowed his brows. Rafael raised one of his, and waited for the dots to connect.
It happened fast enough. “Oh, Rafael, that’s so gross! I can’t believe you! C’mon, man…nobody wants to think about that! They’re my parents—”
“They’ve got four kids, Sonny,” Rafael replied logically.
“Oh my God,” Sonny groaned. “Ugh.”
The lightness in Rafael’s expression disappeared. “Better than wondering every time your parents are doing it if your mom really wanted to.” Rafael’s eyes were gazing into his, and Sonny suddenly could imagine exactly how frightening living in the Barba household must have felt at times. He could not, for the life of him, picture his father ever laying a violent hand on his mother. In fact, he could hardly remember him muttering an angry word toward her.
“Rafi.” Sonny’s hand went up to Rafael’s bangs, brushing them back from his face. “I don’t want you to ever worry that our house will be an angry one. If for whatever reason, we become angry or violent as a couple, it’s over. We both need to walk away. You deserve so much better than that; we both do.”
“It was so amazing to watch them, Sonny,” he murmured. “I want that for us, and I can picture us having it. You grew up like that, and I think it’s such a beautiful thing. It’s like a gift your parents gave you. And…and…I hope, if I’m falling short at some point, you’ll teach it to me…or at least remind me of it.”
His smile was so authentically happy, Sonny couldn’t help but smile in return. Of course he wanted a marriage similar to what his parents had; he’d grown up with two adults who clearly loved each other, as well as all four of their children. He’d been fortunate in that respect. But he had no doubt that he and Rafael would have something just as special, just as beautiful. “You won’t fall short,” he assured Rafael, then pressed a kiss to his nose. “I love you.”
***
Sonny checked his watch again, frustrated. He was over twenty minutes late for work; their meeting with the wedding planner had run over. He hoped that Liv wasn’t paying attention, or maybe he’d get lucky and she’d be out.
He rounded the corner to his desk and took in the room, buzzing with activity. Fin was on the phone, involved in what looked to be a serious conversation. Rollins was heading toward the playroom, her hand gently on the arm of a woman that Sonny thought must be a victim. And at his desk, he could see a man sitting on the edge of it, with his back to Sonny.
Hurrying over, Sonny pulled out his chair and sank down into it, just as the man turned around.
“Detective,” Dodds greeted him. “Late again today?”
Mike’s eyes twinkled at him, and Sonny grinned. “Sorry, Sergeant. We were meeting with the wedding planner, and it ran over.”
Dodds held up his own ring finger. “I get it, Carisi. Try to keep yourself on time, though. It won’t get easier through the years!”
Sonny chuckled, turning on his computer. “So what are you doing here for the day?”
“Just came to chat with you,” he replied, standing and pulling a chair over next to Sonny. “Things going okay? You figuring it all out?”
“Eh, a bit.” Sonny leaned back and looked at Mike. “I’m still not convinced this wasn’t a colossal mistake, you know. The universe grabbed the wrong one of us. I mean, I know I’m a decent cop, and I know I’m supposed to marry Rafael…but how does that even compare to the life that you had in front of you?”
Mike sighed, then rested a hand on Sonny’s shoulder. “It’s not supposed to make sense, Sonny. Losing you instead of me would’ve resulted in a different but just as painful set of losses. You’ve got an amazing life to look forward to, if you let go of the guilt. Just remember, though, that you’re not guaranteed anything. Not a single minute, so don’t waste it. Love like you mean it, and do what you’re passionate about. And for God’s sake, stop dreaming about me looking at you with dead eyes. That would creep anyone out. Okay?”
Sonny nodded. “No offense, but I hate these nightmares about you. They’re awful.”
Mike grinned. “Then don’t have ‘em anymore.” He stood up. “Gotta go…gonna go visit my dad and remind him to stop blaming other people for shit beyond their control.” He headed toward the elevators, then turned around once more. “Goodbye, Sonny. Have a good life, man.”
“Bye, Mike.” Sonny watched as Mike boarded the elevator and the door closed.
Somehow, he knew this was the last time. He wouldn’t see him again. A mixture of sadness and relief filled him, and he rolled over, closer to Rafael’s warmth. Breathing in the scent of his lover, Sonny gently lay an arm around him, conscious of the form there. Of Rafael’s soft, warm skin; of the in and out of his breathing, of the fact he’d just woken up from his last dream with Dodds.
Pressing his nose to Rafael’s neck, he softly murmured into the silence, “Te amo, Rafi.”