Chapter Text
There wasn’t much that could catch Louise Belcher off guard. She was in the middle of prep when the bell on the door sounded, followed by heavy footsteps. “Welcome to Bob’s Burgers!” Louise hollered. “Gimme a sec.” She hoisted a box of napkins onto her hip and swung out of the kitchen doors into the dining area.
It didn’t take much to catch Louise off guard, but all it took on this fateful day was a smirk and a snarky comment: “Miss me, Four Ears?”
And there he was: Logan Barry Bush, sitting at the counter. His hair was a mess, as if he hadn’t even run his fingers through it. He wore a nice white shirt, though the top few buttons were undone and the collar was wrinkled. Despite it all, a grin sat on his face.
Louise let the box drop to the floor with a dull thud. She narrowed her eyes and jabbed a finger. “What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my restaurant!”
Logan lifted his chin, eyes gleaming. “Now, is that any way to talk to the first ever Bob’s Burgers Employee of the Month?”
Before Louise could get close enough to land a solid punch, the back door swung open. Linda walked in, singing at the top of her lungs. “It’s a beautiful mooooorning to start grilling those buuu--oh my! LOgan!” She gasped, crossing her hands over her heart.
Louise spun around and her eyes widened in disbelief as her mother not only smiled at, but embraced her arch nemesis.
“Mrs. B!” Logan smiled as he pulled out of Linda’s bear hug. “It’s good to see you.”
“It’s been far too long, dear.” Linda busied herself with her apron and slid past Louise, behind the counter. “What would you like today?”
“A burger of the day, please.” Logan’s grin was starting to seriously get annoying. It was the same, cocky, lopsided sneer that Louise was all too familiar with.
All Louise could do was stare in shock and disgust. Logan, her arch nemesis, struts into her restaurant, and her mother treats him like an old friend? What was happening?
“One Salami Get This Straight Burger, coming right up! Louise, why don’t you start up the grill?”
“And cook something for this lowlife?” Louise crossed her arms and scowled. “No way. Mom, don’t you remember who this is? It’s Logan. Logan! The spawn of the devil herself!”
Linda waved a hand in the air. “That was years ago. Cynthia has been gone for nearly five years, and Logan has been nothing but a sweetheart whenever he comes back into town. It’s all water under the bridge.”
The blond smirked at Louise. “Yeah, Louise. Nothing but a sweetheart.”
As if to make matters worse, the back door opened again and Bob appeared. He seemed lost in thought until he noticed an extra person in the restaurant and started. “Logan! It’s uh, been a long time since I’ve seen you. Just the usual?”
“Actually, a burger of the day. Linda’s already taking care of that, though.”
Louise’s ears burned. “He has a usual? Did I step into an alternate universe this morning? Or is everyone playing a prank on me?” She half expected Gene to pop out with a camera and yell ‘YA GOT PUNKED!’ It would’ve been a much, much better alternative.
Bob grunted as he put on his own apron. “I think he started coming a couple years ago when you were finishing up your bachelor’s. You hardly came home for nearly two years, remember?”
Logan hummed. “Getting a degree, Louise? That’s impressive.”
“Don’t humor me.”
“I just didn’t realize you could major in burger-flipping.”
“So,” Bob stepped in quickly. He could probably see the steam coming out of Louise’s ears. “What brings you back into town?”
Finally, finally Logan’s cocky grin died. He focused on the glass of water in front of him as if it held all the answers to the universe. “Well, my parents decided they didn’t want their house here anymore. They’ve officially retired to Florida, and offered the house to me instead of selling it. I’m living there now.”
By now, Louise had decided to process her shock while restocking the napkins. She couldn’t help but scoff at Logan’s response, though. “Rich people,” she muttered.
Linda clapped her hands together before Logan could respond to Louise’s remark. “Does that mean you’re officially back to town? Oh, Bobby, we should have a welcome back party! I loOVE parties! We could have banners and balloons, oh and cake!”
Bob grunted. “That seems, uh, like a lot of work, Lin.”
Logan shrugged off the idea. “Don’t worry about it. Besides, I need to focus on settling in.”
A silence settled in the restaurant as Bob finished up Logan’s burger. Louise was content to sit in the silence and never hear Logan’s grating voice ever again. She began filling up the condiment bottles on the counter, keeping her eyes away from the man sitting across from her.
Unfortunately, Logan cleared his throat, destroying her peace. “So, Four Ears, I’ve got a question.”
“Do you think I care enough to have an answer?”
“Do you know anyone who needs an apartment?”
The question was so random that Louise finally looked up, blinking. “What?”
Logan set down his half eaten hamburger. “I’m looking to lease my basement. I don’t need it, and it’s got a kitchen and rooms and everything. Do Gene or Tina need a place? Or any of your friends around here? I’d rather lease it to not a complete stranger, so I don’t get murdered in the middle of the night.”
Louise shrugged, turning her attention back to the bottles. “Nope. Gene’s already got a nice place, and Tina is looking to buy a house with her husband.”
Bob popped his head out of the kitchen. “I know someone who needs a place, Logan.”
He turned to the chef. “Really?”
“Yeah. Louise.”
A beat of silence.
Then Louise and Logan both burst into laughter. Holding her stomach as the hysterics continued, Louise managed to choke out, “Good one, Dad.”
“Sorry, Mr. B, but I have to agree,” Logan wheezed. “I want someone who specifically will not kill me in my sleep, remember?”
Bob frowned. “Louise, as much as your mom and I love having you here, we also want--” Linda cut in. “We want to use your room! Imagine if we turned it into something, like a study!”
“What would you even need a study for?” Louise grumbled, her face getting hot.
“To, you know, study things.”
“Anyways,” Bob interrupted, “just think about it, maybe, Louise? A little?”
Logan fiddled with his straw wrapper. “I was planning on leasing it cheaper than usual for the market here. A few hundred bucks cheaper. Mostly to make a small income while I look for a job. If that helps.”
“Are you insinuating that I can’t afford a normal apartment?” Louise snapped, her hand on her cocked hip.
Logan rolled his eyes and threw down a few bills. “Whatever. Let me know if you hear of anyone. You’re the last person I would want as a tenant, anyways.” He stood, giving a small wave to Bob and Linda. “It was delicious, by the way. I’ll see you guys around.”
The restaurant remained quiet after the door shut behind Logan. Louise waited for a sly comment to be made about their customer, but her parents didn’t say a thing. She glanced at them, hoping to catch a look between the two. They continued on, though, as if nothing had happened. As if it were any ordinary day.
Their silence on the subject didn’t last all day, sadly. As Louise dished up dinner with her parents and sat at the dinner table, she felt something tense in the air. She raised an eyebrow and looked at her dad. “What is it? I can tell you guys want to say something.”
Bob and Linda shared a cautious look before Bob proceeded. He cut into his chicken, but before taking a bite, he said, “We were just thinking that, maybe, possibly, it would be a good idea for you to start looking into finding a place of your own.”
Linda put her hand on Louise’s. “Louise, baby, we love having you here. But you’re twenty-six! You deserve to have a place of your own. If you want to stay, of course you have a home here, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a place to call yours?”
Louise stared daggers into her chicken. She couldn’t admit that they were completely wrong. She couldn’t even admit that she hadn’t been thinking about it, lately. Plus, having an apartment meant she could finally adopt a dog, which has been Louise’s dream ever since she dog-sat Mort’s dog a few years ago. “The market is just sucks right now. I’ve been saving up, but I-- ”
“Logan said he would charge a few hundred bucks less. I think that’s a great deal.”
Louise stabbed at her chicken with her fork. “I don’t want to live with Stupid Logan in his stupid basement.”
“You wouldn’t be living with him. People rent out their basements all the time. You’d likely never see him, except for paying rent and utilities.” Bob shrugged. “Give it a thought. There’s not always a deal like this.”
Bob was right. Louise hated it.
Only two days passed before he appeared again.
He arrived at the same time, though he was a bit neater. His shirt was actually wrinkle-less and his hair looked much better. Despite the appearance, Louise couldn’t help but notice the bags forming under his eyes.
Logan sat at the counter, crossing his arms. “One burger of the day, please.”
Louise glanced at the chalkboard where the burger was written: Kale Me Maybe? “I sure hope you like kale.”
“I sure hope so, too.”
She cut off any further conversation by going into the back and starting the grill. A few minutes later (and after putting on way more kale than what was usual for this burger of the day), Louise brought out the burger and set it in front of her least favorite customer.
After Logan gagged on the kale and picked it off, Louise breathed in deeply. “So, how’s tenant hunting going?”
Logan flinched as if she had threatened to slap him. “What? Oh, it’s going good.” He swallowed another bite of burger. “Actually, no it’s not. I’ve only had creepy old men apply, so far. And usually they’ve all been evicted from previous places. I even called this one guy’s previous landlord, and all he told me was ‘Good luck.’ What does that even mean?!”
Chewing on the inside of her cheek, all Louise replied was, “Sounds tough.”
He shrugged, digging into the burger again. “That’s why I wanted referrals from someone like you or Scotty or another friend. Makes it feel less…risky.”
Louise let the fact that Logan inferred that they were friends (ew) slide. “Don’t talk with food in your mouth, that’s gross.”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay, Cynthia.”
“Take that back!”
“You’re right, that was too far.” He winked and laughed to himself, taking another bite.
Louise’s face grew hot with anger. How did he always know how to push her buttons? Teasing her and laughing about it like it was nothing, and then calling her his friend. They were definitely not friends.
And then she remembered her conversation with her parents. Pride was wonderful, but so would be having a place of her own. And even more wonderful than pride or solitude, she could get a dog. Let’s be real, the dog was the real motivator here.
Louise swallowed and mustered up as much energy as she could. “You should give me a tour of your place.”
Logan’s eyebrows shot up, and then he smiled smugly. “Louise Belcher, are you inviting yourself over? I can’t say I’m not flattered, but--”
She clenched her fists. “You know what? Never mind.”
Louise turned to end the conversation, but Logan reached out and caught her wrist. “Wait, wait! Four Ears, I was kidding. Why don’t you come by after you get off?”
She yanked her hand out of his grasp and blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. Whatever. It probably wouldn’t be that nice of a place. It was a basement, after all. “Fine. I go on break in an hour. The same place as when we were kids?”
“That’s it.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
There was a good chance it wasn’t even a finished basement. Louise wouldn’t take it if it weren’t up to her standards. She refused to raise a dog in anything resembling a dump.
Shit.
It was a nice basement.
Logan led Louise through the two bedrooms in the basement, already stocked with furniture. He scratched his neck. “We used these rooms as guest rooms, so they both have beds. You can keep one, if you want. Any of the stuff down here, really, you can use. I was gonna sell it. Or just let it sit and collect dust.”
Louise couldn’t believe it. This entire basement was nearly the size of her parents’ apartment. The kitchen had a beautiful, hardly touched oven, and a nice fridge. The dining table was dusty, yet hardly used as well. The kitchen connected to the living room, where a small couch and TV sat. It was all perfect.
It made her sick to her stomach.
“Here are the stairs leading up to the rest of the house,” Logan gestured. “You’ll use the one that leads to the backyard, though, not this one. I’m planning on keeping this door locked. I’m going to get a chain on each side of the door so even though we both have a key, neither of us would be able to get in without the other’s consent. I still don’t want you murdering me in my sleep.” He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “So, Four Ears? What do you think?”
Louise eyed the door at the top of the staircase. “How soon could you get the chain installed?”
“Tomorrow.”
This was a bad, bad idea. Louise had a feeling in her stomach that it was the worst idea she’s had in a long time. But she smirked up at Logan and said, “I’ll take it.”
Louise had always liked bad ideas, anyways.