Work Text:
You’ve done your best to keep your eyes off him, and you’ve surprisingly done well so far. What are the chances that tonight is the night of all of nights that he decided to waltz back into town?
Six months. It’s been six months since you broke up, and six months since you last saw him. Apparently, he’s been traveling around Europe. Prick. Out there enjoying himself while you tried to fix your broken heart. It didn’t work.
“You okay?” Your date asks you with a look of concern on his face.
You offer him a smile, hoping it looks real. “I’m fine, John. Just haven’t drank in a while.”
“You’ve barely had three sips,” He says with a laugh, pointing out your full bottle of beer.
It isn’t a romantic dinner date, by any means. John took you to the local pub where you’d probably be hanging out tonight anyway, for a couple of shared drinks while the football game plays on the small TV hung on the wall.
You make the mistake of looking at him. And Bucky’s already looking right back at you. Fuck. Why does he look so good? Was breaking up with you that great of a decision?
His hair is still long, which you’re grateful for. He’s wearing his thick, plaid coat, and he’s sitting alone with his beer. A few snowflakes sit on his broad shoulders, melting with every second that passes.
He shoots you a wink in greeting, but it only pisses you off. You look back at John and take a long sip.
“And then I said, ‘I legally own this land, so fuck you!’” He finishes his drab story with a hearty laugh, making you inwardly grimace.
Why did you agree to this? You know exactly why. A couple of weeks ago, you overheard someone mentioning that Bucky was returning, and that information has been sitting in your subconscious ever since. It’s knowing that he was gonna be back that drove you to say yes to John, as though you had to prove you’re over Bucky before he had the chance to show up with some glamorous European girlfriend.
“Alright, well unlike you, I’m actually drinking tonight, and I need a refill,” John announces, standing up. “Back in a sec, babe.”
Once he’s gone, you look down at the table, trying to forget that your ex-boyfriend is sitting a few meters away. Then, you feel someone sitting down opposite you again.
“That was quick,” You comment, looking up and expecting to see John - and almost having a heart attack when you see Bucky.
“You call six months quick?” He asks you with a raised brow.
“What are you doing here?” You question him lowly, sneaking a glance to the busy bar.
“What are you doing here with him?” Bucky asks you bitterly. “Of all the guys in this town, John fuckin’ Walker?”
“That isn’t any of your business anymore,” You say with a glare. “You can fuck back off, now.”
He glances down at your neck before smirking. “Still wearing it, sycamore?”
Fuck’s sake. “James, I swear to God-”
Bucky cuts you off by reaching out and pulling on your gold chain, tugging it until the small, wooden axe that he handcarved himself is revealed. “Still wearing it,” He mutters with a smile.
You remember when he gave you it. It was for your third anniversary. He said he was handing you his axe because he never wanted to cut down the tree of your love.
Well, that turned out to be a lie. Timber.
“What do you want?” You ask, pulling the necklace out of his hand.
“I wanna know what you see in that guy,” Bucky answers you, leaning forward. “Cause there ain’t no fucking way he knows how to handle you.”
“Oh, shut up,” You grumble with an eye roll. “You don’t know me, or what he’s like.”
“I don’t know you? I know you better than you know your damn self, sycamore,” He claims arrogantly. “And I know, judging by the dead energy between you, that he hasn’t made you cum yet.”
You clench your jaw. “We haven’t even slept together yet, you big oaf.”
“You haven’t?” Bucky asks, surprised.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but this is our first date,” You tell him curtly.
His eyes light up. “We slept together before our first date.”
You let out a dry scoff, “Yeah; and look how that turned out.”
“Sex wasn’t the reason for us breaking up,” He says with narrow eyes.
“So, what was?” You can’t help but ask, regretting it the second it leaves your mouth.
Bucky looks taken aback, his lips parting. “Sycamore, I-”
“What’s going on here?” John suddenly interjects as he arrives with a fresh beer in hand. “Bucky? Bucky Barnes? No fucking way! Since when are you back in town?”
Bucky lets out a sigh as he stands up. “Haven’t been here long.”
John gives you an odd glance. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Christmas,” You say quickly.
He doesn’t look convinced, but thankfully he keeps his mouth shut.
“Well, I’ll get out of your hair,” Bucky says, giving you a nod. “Enjoy your date.”
The next half an hour goes by slower than ever. Of course. This is just your luck. Of course, the first date you go on since the break up, Bucky himself shows up. Because why would life ever be simple?
“I mean, treat me with some respect; I could literally ruin your life in a snap,” John drones on with yet another depressing anecdote.
“Mhm,” You mumble, not being able to help but look over at Bucky. He’s been chatting with a few friends over the course of the night, and you’ve been busy reminiscing the good times - which isn’t a good idea, because now you miss being with him so badly it hurts.
“I’m gonna go have a smoke,” John mutters, patting his pockets until he finds his cigarettes. “Wanna join me, babe?”
I’d rather die.
“Uh, it’s freezing outside,” You say with a shrug. “I’ll just stay here.”
“Suit yourself,” He replies before getting up and walking out.
Watching him leave with a quirked brow, Bucky narrows his eyes. The second the door shuts behind John, Bucky stands up and walks over to you.
Oh, great. You sigh, but you can’t deny the way your heart hammers in your chest.
“You just get ditched, sycamore?” He asks you as he takes John’s seat opposite you once more.
“He’s gone out for a smoke,” You inform him, glancing out the front window to where John’s attempting to light up his cigarette in the heavy snow.
“You hated kissing me after I smoked,” Bucky says with a nostalgic smile.
You don’t even know what to say to that, so you stay silent.
“What you asked me earlier stuck with me,” Bucky admits after a tense silence. “About why we broke up.”
All you do is shrug, too hurt to trust your voice not to crack.
“I mean, it was pretty mutual,” He mutters, his words being the last straw.
Unable to remain silent, you lean forward. “There was nothing mutual about it, James.”
That makes him frown. “The fuck are you talking about? We said that breaking up was the right thing to do.”
“You said that breaking up was the right thing to do,” You tell him in a hushed whisper.
“And you agreed with me!” He retorts, his cheeks flushing pink.
“Because I was too proud to admit that I actually came over to ask if you wanted to move in with me!” You blurt out, too far gone to regret it. “You assumed I wanted to talk about breaking up, and when you said those words… how could I have ever admitted that I wasn’t just as checked out as you?”
Bucky’s lips part as he sits back, shocked in his seat. His eyes flicker with confusion and remorse. “What?”
Your face scrunches up as you desperately try to hold back your tears. “Why did you leave me, Buck?”
He looks down at the table, letting out a long sigh. The look on his face is defeated, as though he’s sick of avoiding the question. Tired of holding back the truth.
“I was scared.”
You almost laugh at the cliche. Of course.
“Everyone I know- everyone I know who’s ever been in love,” He begins to explain, his hands twitching. “They all had to make a big sacrifice. My parents gave up on their dreams to raise us. Sam quit the Air Force for Nat. Steve moved to goddamn London for Peggy. And I wasn’t ready to do that.”
You can’t help but take offence. “You weren’t ready to make any sacrifices to be with me?”
“I didn’t want to uproot my life, and I didn’t want to make you do anything drastic, either,” He says, looking up at you. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be as happy as possible.”
“But Bucky, that’s what love is,” You argue. “You change things about your life, and you make the decision to prioritise your relationship. Besides; we both have jobs in the same small town with no plans to ever leave. What sacrifice would we have needed to make?”
“Don’t ask me to rationalize it, because I don’t know how,” He mumbles weakly.
You reach out to take his hand, gently stroking it. “Even if, at some point, we had to sacrifice something, it would have been worth it. All those people you mentioned- your parents, your friends. Aren’t they also the happiest people you know? They don’t regret anything, do they?”
Bucky lets out a shaky breath, thinking over your words. God, he’s such an idiot.
“If it came down to it, and I had to make a compromise, or choose between you and something else,” You begin, squeezing his hand. “I know what I’d choose, Buck.”
He meets your eyes, pain outlined with softness. “I don’t deserve you.”
Shrugging, you give him a smile. “Does John?”
“Fuck no,” He replies instantly with a grimace.
Speaking of the blond devil, John reenters the pub and strolls over, frowning when he notices Bucky. “Alright, I let it slide last time, but do you mind stepping away from my date, Barnes?”
“Go fuck yourself, Walker,” Bucky says harshly before standing up and holding his hand out to you.
“Oh, please,” John snorts. “After you ditched her for 6 months, you think you can just swoop in and get her back?”
But you know the truth already, and so does Bucky. Because if you ever had to choose between him and something else, you know what you’d choose.
Bucky raises a brow at you, that cocky smirk sitting on his pretty lips. “What’ll it be, sycamore?”