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Hughie breathed heavily as he felt a tightness seem to grip his heart. Tears collected in the corners of his eyes as he frantically began to pace in the small space. The blood and flesh that doused his skin felt like daggers going into his flesh. It was one of the most uncomfortable sensations that he could remember and all that he could do was forcibly flap his hands, first high into the air before bringing them down to waist level. They grew more forceful as he paced around the room, almost sprinting from one end to the other, a shrill cry leaving his lips as he continued.
“Hughie?”
Hughie turned to look over his shoulder to see Billy standing a few paces away, hair damp and a used towel in his hands.
Billy went to take a step forward but Hughie was quick to shake his head desperately, his left hand that had been flapping contently coming to strike against his chest.
Billy winced. “Kid, what the fuck are ya doing?”
Hughie shook his head desperately. His mouth opened in an attempt to speak, but the only thing that came out was another whimper. His eyes narrowed in frustration at how his body was rebelling against him no matter what he tried to appease it.
Sensing that Hughie was having a harder time than he could handle, Billy took a step back and placed his hands into his pockets, towel draped over his shoulder. “Shower’s free. Thought you may want next.”
Hughie attempted to verbally answer Billy only for a sudden drip of something that he was guessing was blubber running down his neck, caused him to almost screech t the horrid sensation it brought with it. His hand swept behind his neck and grasped the offending chunk of blubber and threw it down on the ground hard, tears leaping right back his eyes. Both hands began to furiously flap as he suddenly barged past Billy before the older man could see just how uncomfortable he was.
Billy watched him go with a look of confusion on his face. Sure, he had seen Hughie do things that he didn’t quite understand, but this was definitely one of the oddest. The way that his hands had shook out like that and the sounds that he made had Billy almost scratching his head to figure out what was going on.
While Hughie took his turn in the bathroom, Billy took the opportunity to do some more research in the back area of their basement safe house. They still had more questions than answers on multiple fronts and if they wanted to make any headway, someone would have to dig deeper into Vought. The world may know how supes were made, though that didn’t mean that it wasn’t still happening, as Billy had witnessed not that long ago. Plus there was the whole thing with Becca. His mind was almost spinning as he thought about all that had to be done and what needed his attention first.
Frustratedly, Billy grabbed MM’s computer and brought it to the back of the basement where he knew no one would even think of looking for him, which was fine by him. Frenchie, MM, and Kimiko could handle themselves for the time being. Besides, none of them were overly fond of Billy at the moment, and he couldn’t exactly blame them, so some distance may be better than the alternative.
Billy sighed as he sat down in one of the chairs in the corner and opened the laptop, relieved that Frenchie had found out a way to disguise their IP address just on the off chance that someone would try and track them that way.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been on the computer when he heard soft muttering followed by shuffling footsteps. He lifted his head from the laptop and gazed to the side to see Hughie coming closer, eyes dark. He held a towel in one hand that he was still using to dry his hair, though he was mostly only getting one side as he refused to move the towel anywhere besides the back of his neck to dry his hair there. It was something that Billy had never picked up on, though he had also never looked that close into it.
“Oi, you good,” he called.
Hughie immediately jumped, unaware that Billy was sitting in the corner. He faced him questioningly, eyes dropping to the ground. “You good? I’m fine!”
Billy frowned as he reached forward and slammed the laptop closed before rising to his feet with a dissatisfied grunt. “You don’t sound nor look it to me,” he responded as he continued forward.
Hughie stiffened and began to blink his eyes deliberately while his only free hand began to flap and twitch at his side. His fingers flexed outwards in a way that looked painful to Billy, yet Hughie seemed to be doing it without much thought process behind it. Automatic was a good word for it if Billy had to describe it.
“You don’t look it.” Billy motioned to the other side of Hughie’s head. “You’re drippin’ there. Ain’t you able to feel it?”
Hughie let out a strangled laugh. “I’m trying really hard not to, actually.”
Billy was left even more confused than before. He didn’t say so out loud just incase Hughie took it the wrong way, as had been happening more and more lately. Now wasn’t the time for an argument after the events earlier in the day.
“You can’t expect it to dry like that,” Billy huffed to himself as he motioned Hughie over to the seat he had been sitting in a few moments before. “C’mere.”
Hughie looked at Billy with his head tipped to the side. “What?”
Billy rolled his eyes. “I know you’re gonna bellyache like a right cunt later if you don’t dry it now. Let’s just get it over with.”
Hughie was both impressed that Billy knew how much he hated damp hair and terrified that Billy was offering to help. It was so out of character that Hughie was momentarily worried that perhaps Billy was being controlled by a supe. He didn’t say anything, though he was more than a little hesitant to creep forward to the seat that Billy was pointing to.
As he passed, Billy grabbed the towel and flipped it to a dryer section and waited until Hughie sat down before he used to towel to continue to dry Hughie’s hair. It was much rougher than Hughie would do to himself, though it was most likely gentle for Billy. Although the sensation was different than anything that Hughie was used to, he didn’t mind it and almost sunk into it, eyes closing while his hands worked together on his lap.
Billy was doing his best to not only be gentle, but to also watch what Hughie did. He had seen him be a bit jittery in the past, though this was taking it to a whole new level. It didn’t look enjoyable in the slightest, the way that Hughie snapped his fingers against his leg sharply caused Billy to momentarily wince. They had certainly seen way worse injuries by far, especially lately, but the fact that he was doing this to himself was enough to send Billy slightly worried.
“Can’t help it,” Hughie suddenly ground out.
Billy gave a final pass over Hughie’s head with the towel before glancing down. “What?”
Hughie lifted his trembling hands before they gave a violent flap and he leapt up. He began to pace in tight circles, his eyes locked on anywhere besides Billy. “The whale shit that got on us. I just can’t!”
Billy took a step forward only to be reminded of Hughie’s seemingly strange problem with personal space at the moment. He kept his distance reluctantly and tried to see things from Hughie’s perspective. “What are ya talking about?”
“The guts.....and the blood!” Hughie swallowed convulsively just at the thought. “It got all on me and I couldn’t get it off and I can feel it!” He lifted his arms far away from his body as though he was still drenched with the contents of that whale that they had driven the speedboat through.
“Aren’t ya wee well overreacting? It’s over and you already took a damn shower. What are ya talkin’ about that you can bloody well still feel it?”
“I don’t know, Butcher, but I just can’t! I fucking can’t,” Hughie cried as he took a fist and struck it against the side of his face. It was much harder than Billy even though possible and he was left more confused than ever as Hughie raised his hand to do it again.
“Fuck.” Billy raced forward and grabbed Hughie’s wrist before he could do it again, eyes burning in determination.
Hughie reacted much harsher than Billy ever anticipated and swung to strike at Billy with his other hand. Billy was able to duck and used his strength to force Hughie’s hand down before he could try again. “I’ll let go if you don’t try that again. Fuck, what were you trying to do to yourself?”
Hughie didn’t answer until Billy released his hand. He scurried back with both arms curled around themselves and pressed against his chest in a way that Billy thought was anything but comfortable. “Don’t touch me right now,” Hughie requested softly.
“I bloody well won’t so long as you don’t harm yourself again. How fucked up would that be if you harm yourself more with your own blow than someone else’s? What’s gotten into you, kid,” Billy questioned, voice gruff.
Hughie looked aside, chest heaving. “It’s nothing. Just tired.”
“Bullshit! And what’s with the erratic movements? You bloody well look like you’re having a right fit. You got hit on the head or something,” Billy continued.
“Butcher,” Hughie practically begged.
Billy ignored him. “If you’re going to feel the need to hit yourself then I can’t trust you out in the field. This some sort of mental case?”
“Butcher!”
Billy tried to meet Hughie’s gaze only for him to look away. Sure, most of the time Hughie didn’t actually look him in the eye, more looked in his direction, but now he was even looking as far away from him as possible as though even possibly meeting his gaze was unfathomable.
“Kid,” Billy replied in an attempt to keep his voice light and understanding.
“I-I never told anyone this because I never had to.....but I’m autistic.” Hughie winced after he said it, looking to Billy, no doubt for his reaction. “Sometimes I do things that are perceived as different or weird to other people....but it makes me feel better and helps me process things that I ordinarily may not be able to. It’s hard to explain. Just forget I said anything!”
“Oi, slow down. You’re working yourself up.” Billy watched as Hughie trailed his nails down his forearm. It wasn’t enough to draw blood anytime soon, but it was still causing Hughie some discomfort if his twitching temple and glassy eyes were anything to go off of. “Hughie.”
Hughie dropped his hands to his sides, though they still seemed desperate for some movement.
“What makes it better?”
Hughie was quick to swat at his ear when a loud thunk sounded from across the basement.
Loud noises were painful; that was something that Billy could work with.
His eyes instantly scanned the room until he saw Billy’s old IPod rested on one of the desks. He walked over and picked it up before carrying it back and pressing it into Hughie’s hand.
At first Hughie looked at it on confusion as though it took twice as long to process things as he usually did. That was fine in Billy’s mind. He could wait as long as Hughie needed.
“Thought music may help. Besides, who else in their right mind would listen to that bloody Billy Joel shite,” Billy questioned. Although his voice was rough as ever, there was a hint of teasing behind his words that he hoped that Hughie would be able to pick up on.
Whether he did or not was debatable. However, he did slip the earbuds into his ears and begin to click through his songs until he found one to his liking. His gaze looked around the room and Billy saw his left foot give a small twitch.
Snorting in amusement, Billy came closer to Hughie but didn’t touch him. “Go on,” he encouraged. “Do what you gotta to stay level. Can’t have you cracking under the pressure now.”
Hughie didn’t say anything as he began to pace around the room from one end to the other. His hands flicked and flapped at his sides depending on what part of the song Hughie got to, which he was playing on repeat. Sometimes his steps quickened so that he was almost running, while at other times he went so slow that Billy wondered if he forgot how to walk. His body would buck forward as well as though he was rocking as he paced. He didn’t interrupt, allowing Hughie to do what he needed and the space that he required.
Billy couldn’t help but smile when he saw Hughie shuffling around, hand shaking in front of him with his fingers wiggling rapidly. He gave a couple sharp skips before rushing back and forth. A made a low whine in the back of his throat. If Billy didn’t know better, he would think that Hughie was upset or agitated about something, yet it seemed like he was enjoying what he was doing and using it to calm himself down.
Not wanting Hughie to think that he was hovering, Billy made his way to the corner that he had been sitting in before Hughie came in and got back to his research, knowing that Hughie would make it very clear when he was finished and then perhaps then they could have an easier conversation about everything.
Billy didn’t have to wait long until Hughie seemed to tire himself out. He pulled his earbuds from his ears and shuffled over to Billy, keeping a safe distance from him. Billy kept himself engaged in his research, well aware that Hughie was beside him but not wanting to accidentally scare him away.
It took a couple more minutes until Hughie spoke up. “Sorry about that.”
“There’s no need to get all weepy on me now. Wasn’t a big deal,” Billy replied, typing away on his keyboard.
Hughie’s eyes hardened as he glared at Billy. “You’re not going to make some joke? Not going to ridicule me for having to listen to music to calm the fuck down?”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because you’re you! You’ve certainly bitched about less.”
Billy sighed as he rolled his neck and glanced back to Hughie, leaning back in his chair. “Like I said, not a big deal. It’s over and done with, you’re calmer....I don’t see what the big deal is about.”
“You don’t have questions or comments about me being autistic? Aren’t you even going to ask me what it is,” Hughie pressed, voice rising in pitch.
“I done know about it already, unless you want to tell me how it most effects you. However, I believe I already know that bit. You forget how long we’ve been doing this back and forth.”
Hughie clutched his hands into fists and slammed them down on his legs. That grabbed Billy’s attention and had him turning in his seat, eyes locked on Hughie expectantly. Clearly Hughie wasn’t going to leave it and move on as Billy had both expected and hoped for. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it, but he wasn’t sure that Hughie was ready to have this conversation. He was insistent, though, so if that was what Hughie wished for, that was what Billy would do.
“Do you even know what autism is,” Hughie flashed.
“It’s a developmental disorder characterized by difficulty in social interaction, communication, with repetitive and restrict behaviors and thoughts. Did I get it right?”
Hughie’s jaw dropped in shock, words unable to form in his mouth. Part of him wanted to lash out at Billy for being a smartass, but the other part of him was completely stunned that the usually callous and foul mouthed leader of their supe hunting group actually knew what he was talking about.
“How do you....”
“Look, me brother had it. Had some of the stims as you with the hand flapping and such. He was more vocal....drove our mum up a wall with it. Our dad too.” Billy gave his head a small shake, not allowing his mind to take him there. Nothing good would come from bringing up those memories.
“I didn’t know that,” Hughie whispered mostly to himself.
“Well, I don’t go ‘round advertising it. Just something we learned to deal with. Len was more of an avoider than a seeker like you, but he did the same thing with his hands that you do.” Billy gave his shoulders a small shake as though not wanting to drift back to those all too familiar memories. “Spitting image of you, Lenny was. Wish he could’ve met ya.”
The idea that Billy understood him more than Hughie thought possible was more comforting than Hughie first realized. It let him feeling slightly more content to be at Billy’s side knowing that he wasn’t judging him.
“I think I would’ve liked that,” Hughie replied as he wrung his hands together, heart thumping heavily in his chest. “C-Can you tell me about him?”
Billy’s eyes instantly glittered in interest. “You want to hear about Len?”
“Yeah, if you want to tell me.” Hughie looked around the room, muscles instantly constricting. “Do you mind if I move while you do?”
“Don’t need to ask my permission.” Although his voice was breezy, Hughie knew that it was as gentle as Billy was going to get. He couldn’t help but smile as he continued to pace from one side of the room to the other. He quickened his pace seemingly out of excitement with his eyes glowing eagerly as he waited for Billy to speak.
Billy leaned forward and tried not to wince at the wave of memories that overwhelmed him more than could ever realize. He thought about Lenny everyday and how much he had failed his little brother. There was so much that he longed to change and say to his little brother, yet he would always be unable to. However, he could try and make things right with Hughie; it certainly wasn’t too late for that.
“Well, Lenny was always quite the talker ‘round me. Didn’t start flappin’ his gums till he was about five. School got him tested and my parents ignored his diagnosis as much as possible. Really fucked him up there, among other shite.” Billy gave his head a shake when he saw that Hughie had momentarily paused his pacing as a look of worry passed over his face. “He rattled off so many facts I thought he would do my head in. He was funny and kind, even got me out of a rough spot or two. Bugger always got me to do just what he asked for. Don’t know many times I listened to that one bloody soundtrack with all those nursery songs. Did it all for him though.”
Hughie flapped his hands at the sudden burst of emotion he felt for someone he had never met. Every fiber in his being wished that he could’ve known Lenny. It was a thankless thought of something that would never happen, but to Hughie it was enough to warm him more than he could ever say.
It was then that they delved into a respectful and comfortable silence with Billy watching Hughie race from one side of the room to the other, fingers flicking outwards as he moved. It reminded Billy so much of Lenny when he was excited and he couldn’t stop a genuine smile from showing on his for one of the first times in recent memory. Lenny may be gone, but he still had Hughie, and he would be damned if he let anything happen to him.