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Steve didn’t even have a clue on why it happened. He knew how, pretty much, but still couldn’t imagine why. And it kept happening too, somehow, with a certain regularity.
For some time now, it had felt like having a fixed time schedule: a couple of hours before closing time, Eddie would show up at the video store; Robin would let out a loud groan, or share some sassy jokes with the guy (depending on her daily mood); Steve would get his warning (telepathically or not) and without a word he’d go with Eddie into the X-rated section of the store, behind a kitsch beaded curtain, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. It was blatant, as clear as day, that they wouldn’t go there to rent some cheap porn. As if the beaded curtain could hide the fact that Eddie would push Steve to the nearest wall to give him the best snog he had ever had.
Ordinary procedure. There was nothing wrong in having some casual, non-committed, no-strings-attached make-out session with one of your friends, right?
***
Steve didn’t know why it felt so... good, somehow. Or, at least, why it didn’t feel like an octopus was invading his mouth with every kiss, which he’d thought while kissing every other human on this Earth that was in possession of a penis.
It’s not like he suddenly knew he liked doing that stuff, but somehow it didn’t spark as many questions as he thought it would. He could always say no, since Eddie, the real paranoid, asked him if he wanted to do this every damn time, but in such a way that Steve never felt like declining the offer.
Especially when Eddie’s lips looked this plump and soft, when his hands on his own chest felt so reassuring, or when Eddie’s breath would catch in his throat whenever Steve did something – anything – slightly bolder than usual. He still had the image of his smirk when he tried to pull on his mane of hair, his teasing “Damn, Harrington, you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve” which shouldn’t have sounded so thrilling for a lame pull of hair, and yet it did.
It just... happened. Like the first time, after all.
***
There was nothing to explain. Eddie had showed up to rent a movie – a decent one, even. Not that Steve knew anything about it, despite working at a video store. He liked the aesthetic of it, the rows of endless cassette tapes, the colorful covers of the movies Robin chose to put in direct display at the entrance every month. It usually had to do with new entries, or it followed some particular theme. She was a smart one.
Anyway, Eddie came up once when they were closing up, having finished his own shift down at Vic’s, the mechanic who had his shop two blocks away from the store. He had rented Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to watch it a second time because, as he said, “Matthew Broderick just blew his mind, the piece of shit”, and he offered the both of them a lift home since they had been so nice to him. They accepted, although Robin had tiredly explained to him that they were supposed to do it, it was their job.
“M’lady,” Eddie grinned, opening the door to the front seat and taking a little bow.
“Piss off,” Robin answered, even if she was smiling with her full set of teeth.
“Looks like you’re confined there for now, Harrington,” he said, getting on the driver’s seat.
“I’m a gentleman too, wouldn’t you know,” Steve said, rolling his eyes.
“Me? Oh please, I don’t. Tell me more,” Robin smirked. They ended up giggling, and Steve had rested his warm forehead against the chill backseat window.
Eddie’s rusty pickup didn’t take too long to get to Robin’s driveway, and when she got out of the car, Eddie made sure to blow her a kiss, to which she responded with her iconic middle finger.
“Thanks, weirdo,” she said, pretending to give Steve a playful headbutt as soon he got off as well, to claim his place in the passenger seat. “See you tomorrow, punk.”
“Don’t get too bored without me, Buckley. G’night!” he smiled, knowing he’d receive another, super special middle finger.
“She is a dahrling, isn’t she?” Eddie said, mocking a British accent as he chewed on his gum.
“Truly,” Steve answered, before falling into a deep but somehow comfortable silence. They didn’t have that much to talk about, it wasn’t like they hung out that often on their own. Whenever they did, it was always with Nancy, Robin, or some new girl Steve had been trying to date hopelessly. The sex was good, at least, even if they only managed to last no more than three months.
“So,” Eddie said after a minute, his voice slightly tense. Or, at least, it was how it sounded to Steve. “Doing anything enticing tonight?”
“Nah, not really. I’ll probably just... have some leftover pizza and listen to some music.”
“Oh, okay. Aren’t you going out with Jenny though?”
“Yeah. I mean, no, she dumped me last week.”
“What? Why?” Eddie exclaimed, his voice still somehow fake and strained.
“She used a dumb excuse, something along the lines of never being with someone who likes Spandau Ballet more than Duran Duran,” Steve said, making air quotes with his fingers. “She probably just wanted a one-night stand.”
“Or probably more than one. Extended warranty.”
“True,” and when he said it, Steve found himself smiling fondly at the joke. And silence fell again.
“So...” Eddie was the kind of guy who liked to fill the silence, in an attempt to make it less awkward. Even when it wasn’t, and people like Steve just found it peaceful.
Steve hummed, his gaze falling tiredly on Eddie’s twitchy knee.
“I’ve got... a six-pack. And I was planning on getting pizza, too. Maybe some fresh one, no offense to leftovers,” he chuckled, his hands fiddling on the steering wheel. “We could... hang out? If that’s okay. You may not know, but the trailer park is quite chill in the evening, in every sense, so, we could...”
“Yeah,” Steve said, a bit without thinking and a bit to just make Eddie shut up. The guy got really nervous without a reason. “Give me a ride back home after, and we’re settled.”
“Yeah, sure,” Eddie nodded, before clearing his voice and taking the long road to the trailer park.
Somehow, that chill hangout spot turned into a full-on lay down on the backside of the truck, a warm carton of extra large cheese pizza between them, an icy beer on either side of their legs, and Eddie’s hair pulled up in a messy man-bun. Steve had never seen him like this; he looked weird but charming. He guessed that was how he dealt with such long and thick curls in the excruciating August heat.
They had a laugh when Steve almost got a big blob of greasy cheese on his uniform but had managed to catch it with his mouth, and Eddie clapped his hands like a child at the circus. The beer had surely eased him up, Steve could feel it, and they chit-chatted the evening away, between explaining why Spandau Ballet were actually better than Duran Duran and how it wasn’t even possible that Steve had never watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
“My, my, I might have to show it to you one day,” Eddie smiled, leaning over to get his special box from the backseat. He opened it and pulled out some crinkly stuff that Steve had not recognised at first, pouring it in the cigarette he was rolling.
“Is that weed?” Steve asked with a nod of his head, finishing his beer.
“Yeah,” Eddie admitted, and if the place hadn’t been so dark, Steve would’ve sworn he’d seen him blush. “Wanna… try?”
“Sure,” he shrugged, waiting for Eddie to light up the joint and letting him take the first blow before passing it to him. “Man, you’re so nervous. It’s not like I’m gonna tell your uncle or something.”
“I know. But I told him I stopped after he called me out on my shit, so…” Eddie watched over as Steve took a drag and let out the smoke in the air, tilting his head back.
“Roger that. This is good,” Steve said with a smile, taking a smaller puff and passing the cigarette back to Eddie. He could already feel his head lighter, and he leaned his back against the far end of the truck, stretching his legs.
“Yeah. That’s my special prize for keeping my job for over two months,” he snickered, leaning back too, his shoulder close to Steve’s. “I didn’t even know you smoked.”
“I don’t do it often. Just… when I don’t need to think as much,” Steve mumbled, trying to crack his neck.
As his head had gotten lighter and lighter and the first joint had turned into a second one, slowly passing from a hand to another, Steve found himself staring at Eddie for no reason, admiring his profile and those stupid bangs that fell on his forehead, his flat chest rising and lowering with slow breaths, and the thin layer of sweat on his arms. He really was something, wasn’t he?
“No chicks in sight, then?” Eddie said, full lips turning into a smirk.
Steve widened his eyes and noticed suddenly that he had been staring so much that his head was starting to fall back.
“Oh. Uh, no. Single and ready to mingle, I guess.”
“Okay.” Holding the cigarette between his knuckles, Eddie ticked the ash off. “No guys either?”
“Uhm, no. Why would I–”
“Just asking. I probably assumed the wrong thing.”
Steve didn’t understand that last sentence, his mind probably a bit too hazy. They had fallen quiet, the only noise being the crumpling of cigarette paper, a gentle breeze making the cloud of smoke dissipate around them.
“Me neither,” Eddie said randomly, lighting up the second joint. He leaned his head back as he took a deep blow, his Adam’s apple creating a lovely hill down the line of his throat. His fingers were slender and his rings looked like they were reflecting the moonlight, sparkling in the darkness.
“What?” Steve asked, his voice slurring slightly.
“No guys.”
“Uh.”
Everything was quiet again. Steve’s head felt like the inside of those snowballs you find at the Christmas stalls, with random thoughts floating around with no gravity, as if he had just been shaken by someone. But in a chill, slow way.
He tried to focus on the info he had just received, the “no guys” comment, everything that had been assumed and not said in those fleeting moments. He tried to make some sense of it, and also of the grip he felt on his own stomach whenever he exchanged glances with Eddie, who seemed to endlessly smile each time Steve looked into his eyes.
Everything felt like it was floating, really. Like the two of them could just lift themselves up like two helium balloons, like that German song he had heard once on his first days of high school. That was fun. But he was losing focus, concentrating instead on the warmth of Eddie’s arm, and how his foot was swinging left and right as neither of them didn’t know what to say.
“Man, I gotta–” Eddie suddenly said, even though his voice was lighter, quiet snickers shaking through his body like lovely vibrations. “I gotta ask you something.”
“Yeah,” Steve breathed, his voice much softer than usual, so much so that he blushed, embarrassed by how it sounded.
“If you– hear me out,” the other continued, covering his mouth at first with his free hand and taking another puff. “If you… come. While you die.”
“Ed…”
“Listen! This is genius. If you come while you die… are you, like… coming? Or are you going?”
Steve didn’t answer. There was still a small, very sober part of his brain that was telling him, oh my God, this guy is so fucking stupid, but everything else in him, every goddamn particle, every hair and cell, was just screaming. As loud as they possibly could. Was he really that sensitive to weed?
It took him a moment to burst out in laughter, little snorts coming out of his nose as he rolled sideways and ended with his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie himself was in a fit of giggles as well, which came out more and more high-pitched as they kept on going.
“That’s a great fucking way to go, though–”
The guy couldn’t even finish speaking, and Steve was on him in an instant. He kissed him, probably just to stop his random thought, or to calm down the still impending twitch in his knee. He didn’t want to let him escape, gripping on his T-shirt. He could feel Eddie’s breath go shallow, a squeak escaping his lips, and watched lazily as he pulled away from him.
“What… was that for?” he looked like he had sobered up immediately, and he had let the joint fall onto the metal of the truck, the smoke coming up in a long silver streak.
Steve shrugged, moving his hand up Eddie’s chest and feeling like it was made of honey. Maybe it was, maybe they were both covered in caramelized sugar and everything was slow and sweet. He used his hand as leverage to lift himself up and get even closer.
“Just wanted to…” he murmured. “Y’know… guys.”
It was probably a lie, but it was the only thing his clouded mind could work out at that moment. On a second, sober thought, he could’ve planned it better.
“Are you…” Eddie started, his eyes darting quickly, too damn quickly, between Steve’s eyes and his mouth, like he couldn't help but look at it after the kiss. “Are you sure about this, Harrington?”
“Are you?”
And before he knew it, they were kissing again, Eddie’s hands messing up his hair, the taste of beer on his soft lips, his hand feeling the panicked beating of Eddie’s heart underneath his stupid T-shirt. Everything made of honey, everything smelling of thin lines of silver smoke.
***
At first, it was awkward. Eddie had avoided Steve for a full week, but he guessed it was because they had come up to the same conclusion: they were high, it was nothing. It happens. Steve didn’t even remember exactly how he got home, probably asleep in the back of Eddie’s truck or something. That weed was good but strong, and you do crazy things when you’re not in control of your own instincts.
Nothing had been against their will, though. Steve had just to concur that it had been sudden, unprovoked, and a bit of his fault too. For once, not even Robin seemed to notice how his eyes darted to the door of the store whenever someone got in, in the vague hopes of seeing a rusty truck and a bush of long, curly hair.
The feeling died down slightly after a week, and just as Robin was telling Steve her plans with Nancy, the door burst open and Eddie rushed in, his arms stiff and tense and a bandana plastered to his forehead.
“I’ve… I gotta give this back,” he mumbled, shoving Ferris Bueller’s Day Off right in Steve’s confused face.
“Sure,” he said, taking the cassette and observing amusedly how rigid Eddie looked, his lips turning up in a fond smile that he just couldn’t keep in. Get a grip, Harrington.
“Can we talk or what?” Eddie asked suddenly, crossing his arms, as if he didn’t know what to do with them.
“Uh, sure,” Steve said with a shrug. “Robin, cover up for me?” He was really damn good at keeping a straight face, that’s what he had learned. Even when he heard Robin’s groan and her annoyed “As I always do, dickhead”.
“She’s gonna be fine,” he smiled at Eddie, rolling his eyes. “She’s much more competent than me.”
“I know,” Eddie answered, still looking down as he followed Steve to the back of the shop, taking a deep breath and starting to nervously light up a cigarette. “It’s not Robin I’m worried about.”
“What’s worrying you then?” Steve asked, because in hindsight he couldn’t have addressed this in any other way. He knew, deep down, that he didn’t have the balls to.
“You know. The other night and stuff.”
Steve sighed, leaning against the wall. He knew his uniform would get dirty, but this was more important. “It was nothing–”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
To worry about, that’s what Steve had wanted to say before getting interrupted, his mouth still open in an attempt to talk. He didn’t manage to finish his sentence though, because somehow it triggered a panicky stream of consciousness out of Eddie’s mouth, like that trick magicians do when they pull out multiple colored napkins out of their sleeves, one after the other, in an endless thread.
“Because, like, it was all a mistake, yeah? I didn’t mean it that way, but then you were there and we were high and I could’ve stopped you but I didn’t , and don’t even try and ask me why because how the fuck should I know? Sometimes you just gotta, you’re in the mood and all, but with a guy ? I mean, fuck if I knew you were into it or something, I should’ve, I don’t know, brought you back home and forget all about this.”
“Ed…”
“And then it was awkward as shit! Wasn’t it for you? It kept me fucking awake at night, man. What if we stopped talking? What if someone found out? That would just look gross, wouldn’t it? I know I fucked up, I fucked up so bad–”
“Eddie!”
“What?!”
Eddie’s eyes snapped up to him for the first time since he walked in, his hands shaky as he tried to inhale a puff of smoke. The cigarette had died down, so he let out a frustrated “Shit!” and tried to light it up again nervously.
“It’s okay,” Steve said calmly, approaching him to stop his hands and gently turning on the lighter. He held it still, his free hand on Eddie’s arm, as the guy finally lit up the cigarette again and took a blow like a relaxing breath. “I started the whole thing, if you didn’t notice.”
“You were high too.”
“I know. Mind-blowing.”
“Listen…”
“Eddie, please,” Steve tried to say, pinching the bridge of his nose and not getting the slightest bit away from him. “I know what I did, okay? I’ve had my trials and errors,” he frowned, not exactly willing to remember. “And honestly… that wasn’t bad. And it was fun.”
Eddie looked at him again, his cheeks redder and his breath heavier.
“Man, if I had known it would’ve been this fun, I’d have done it way earlier,” Steve exclaimed, his voice exasperated, before he realized what he actually said. Unattended, unprovoked, as always. Never thinking twice before opening your mouth, Harrington. Great.
“Now you’re just taking the piss of me.”
“Do you even listen, Munson?”
“I do listen. And I think you’re full of shit,” Eddie snapped, maybe a bit too harshly, taking another blow of his cigarette. “I mean, who knows if you’re gonna tell the whole fucking town. Guess who I’m smooching on a random Tuesday!” He mocked his voice, moving his hands in front of his forehead like he was actually trying to imitate Steve, in a way that not even Steve himself could understand. “Eddie Munson, the queer satanist freak, that’s who. Good fucking luck.”
And as he said it, Steve could see Eddie’s face get dark, stern, and bitter wrinkles forming around his eyes and mouth, contorted in an expression of disgust. He saw years and years of hiding and mocking and self-hate, and that hit him on the back of his head, like some sort of moody and dark boomerang. He saw sleepless and stressed nights spent wondering who you are, what you are, what kind of monster would even think about such things, in the simple way he was tormenting his own hair, curling it between his fingers.
“I would never do it.”
“Fucking sure.”
“Eddie, I’m serious.”
Eddie looked up at Steve again, before angrily finishing his cigarette and throwing it on the ground, letting out a long streak of smoke from his nose.
“I wasn’t taking the piss. It’s something that never happened to me… I can’t understand, I’m afraid. But I would never shout it from the rooftops. It would involve me as well, but I’d never do it, if that meant it would hurt you.”
And Steve meant it. He painfully knew how the whole town saw Eddie already, how he had been marginalized for a whole set of reasons, and how his (their) group of friends and the kids had managed to make him feel like a full human being again. He didn’t need more ostracism, Steve knew that feeling too well – each time he spoke to Robin about some girl she had got a crush on, and they had to shut up immediately whenever anyone else approached them.
“It’s a casual thing, okay? And it was fun, it was just between us. There’s nothing wrong with it, okay? Not with you, or with me, or with the whole thing,” he stated, stepping closer to him.
“It's fucking scary, dude,” Eddie said quietly, looking down. He genuinely looked like he could cry. “Because I liked it too.”
“Then we don’t have to share it with anyone else, do we?”
It took a moment, it took one silent gaze between them, Eddie’s Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulped, as if he was actually afraid of what he was thinking, of what he was about to do. It took a moment for him to grab the side of Steve’s stupid green vest, pull him in and crash their lips together, his grip too quick, clumsy, and resulting into a messy but passionate kiss. When he pulled away, his face was flushed, the blush actually going up to his ears. They breathed each other in before Eddie cleared his throat and turned around, hurrying towards his pickup and leaving Steve completely speechless.
***
Eddie liked to kiss with his eyes closed, that’s what Steve had learned thus far. His eyelashes were long, black, and he didn’t like to move his head so much. At first he was gentle, shy even, and would catch Steve’s attention with dumb excuses, like showing him a movie on the very bottom shelf of a stack that wasn’t as close to the entrance or the cash register. They’d crouch down, Eddie would look at his eyes, then his lips, and with a tilt of his head to the side, he’d silently ask if he could lean in.
And Steve would give a little nod and Eddie would do it, even just to leave a quick peck. His lips were always soft and welcoming, even if it felt very weird at first. But Steve found out that… it wasn’t that different from kissing a girl. At all.
There were some slight differences: Eddie sure didn’t leave lipstick imprints over his face, his aftershave sometimes felt quite strong on the nose, and his fingertips were quite rough and callous from all the guitar playing, but overall he could get the hang of it.
With time, Eddie got bolder, step by step. After they almost got caught by an old lady who was definitely staring too much at how close they were, they moved to the X-rated section of the store, among the stacks of obscure and low-quality porn, not quite for the thrill of it, but rather for the fact that it was hidden and often ignored, apart from the regular customers. They usually didn’t come when Eddie showed up, though, which was quite ironic – or simply, the bastard planned his visits ahead.
“Welp, this is intimate in a way I’d never imagined,” Eddie had joked at first, the smile still wide on his lips as he tapped his fingers through the rows and rows of apparently subtle and unknown porn titles, before turning his head around to look at Steve.
“There’s nowhere better, okay?” Steve said, hands on his hips. “Besides, ain’t it fun? Making out in front of…” He grabbed a cassette tape that showed two very promiscuous-looking ladies on the cover. “Roxxxy Toxic and Baby Creme? What the fuck.”
Eddie had been laughing along, stepping closer and taking a look at the cover of the tape with his head perched on his shoulder. The two slowly turned quiet and he took hold of Steve’s chin with a hand, letting out a shaky breath as he was probably trying to relax without success – Steve noticed that and, for just a moment, he could feel some of his brain cells actually dissolve. It would have been corny, if it hadn’t been for the look Eddie was giving him, his eyes deep and dark, unable to look anywhere but at Steve.
“It wouldn’t be as fun if it was with someone else,” he whispered, and Steve couldn’t think about anything else anymore, not with Eddie’s lips on his.
***
Each time they met up and did this, something new came from Eddie, which made Steve feel a bit bolder too. Watching how Eddie reacted to every move he made was thrilling, like the guy had had to keep in his sensitiveness for God knows how long. He probably hadn’t had a good snog in a long time too, Steve imagined.
He was touchy-feely, he always needed to keep his hands occupied – he definitely needed to stop shaking, too. It was funny to see how he reacted each time, freezing like a deer in the headlights as if he never expected Steve to make the first move and kiss him. He got looser with time, he just needed a little push.
Eddie liked to be grabbed, pulled, held close – not in a rough way, but rather in the subtle way that an outside eye couldn’t exactly catch. One time, he was wearing a ripped tank top with some stupid metal band logo on it, the sleeve holes so low that they exposed his full ribs, and Steve had almost stopped functioning, that grip at the very top of his stomach and on his lower belly tightening more than ever.
When they started kissing, Steve made sure to pull Eddie close, keeping a hand on his jaw and making him smirk at the gesture. He wanted that smile printed all over his own face and body, and some part of his brain was telling him that he should’ve damned himself for that thought.
But he didn’t care. He couldn’t allow himself to care, when he dared slide his free hand into one of Eddie’s sleeve holes, touching the skin around his nipple and down his skinny ribs. He couldn’t allow himself to care, when he felt Eddie’s breath twitch and his teeth sink gently into his own lower lip.
Eddie hummed, “I think someone likes my hand-crafted top.” His body was so close that Steve could feel the burning warmth of it.
“As if you didn’t plan this ahead, freak,” he breathed, his thumb slowly moving up and down Eddie’s side, inch by tantalizing inch.
“It was just an experiment. Maybe I can hypnotize you into liking Dio, finally,” Eddie joked, wiggling his fingers in front of Steve’s eyes. “...or maybe I like you staring at me.”
And before Steve could get seriously turned on and regret his actions, Eddie had booped on his nose with the tip of his finger and pulled the beaded curtain to the side, his hand waving to say goodbye so smoothly that it gave Steve whiplash.
***
“Can I… try a thing?”
Eddie had asked him on a quiet day, when they had sneaked off without no one noticing. Even Robin had looked in a good mood. They were in the hidden corner of the X-rated section, next to the little storage room where they kept the cleaning stuff.
“What?”
Steve hated himself for how his voice sounded in moments like this, soft and mellow after he just pulled his mouth away from Eddie’s.
He got a glint in his eyes when Steve spoke, like he had been planning this for months and had finally found the right occasion to do it. He smiled widely, his teeth biting on his bottom lip and two small dimples forming on the sides of his mouth. Steve had never noticed them, and for a moment his heart made a double flip in his chest.
Eddie leaned in to kiss him, and everything was out of the window for a full second in which Steve automatically wrapped an arm around the guy’s waist. It always felt so damn good , even if it was completely out of his normality and his standards. He thought they’d keep going, but just when he was asking himself what the thing was, Eddie was pressing a trail of little pecks on the corner of his mouth, on his cheek, on the line of his jaw, before going down the side of his neck. Steve couldn’t help but sigh, damned be his ticklishness, and when Eddie left a little bite on his skin, he started laughing like a fool, mumbling something about being sensitive.
He was just calming down from that, his hands still holding on Eddie’s waist, when the guy suddenly attached his mouth to a spot right between his neck and shoulder, leaving a harder bite and starting to suck gently.
A tiny bomb exploded in Steve’s brain. His insides were screaming, partly in panic, of course, because Eddie would surely leave a hickey he wouldn’t know how to cover (not even the scarf excuse would work, it was fucking August), but mostly in excitement. He randomly thought that it was pretty ironic: he was usually the one to leave hickeys on girls, and he’d look at them with pride the next day in the school corridors, knowing they’d giggle about it among their little group of friends and ask one another who did it. But that was a long time ago.
This felt new, stomach-wrenching and refreshing at the same time, and he almost couldn’t recognize his voice when he said Eddie’s name quietly, in his ear, just for the two of them to hear. Eddie lifted his head then, a devilish smirk on his lips. Steve’s breath was heavy and his nose was still too close to Eddie’s.
“Was that too much?” he asked, lifting one of his hands to caress his cheek with his knuckles.
“I… uhm…”
Steve didn’t even know what to answer anymore, too lost in those two intense black eyes to even elaborate a phrase.
“Is it… did you leave a mark?” he whispered with his last remaining breath. It was too difficult to think about anything else.
“No. I mean, it’s mostly hidden,” Eddie said calmly, patting a hand on Steve’s chest. “The worst that could happen is that people will think Jenny left it.”
Steve was ready to wipe that snicker off his face and already had his hand on Eddie’s cheek, when his head perked up suddenly.
“Harrington!”
“Shit, Keith’s here,” he hissed, and Eddie’s hair hit his face as he turned to see where the voice was coming from. “Over there, quick!”
“With the brooms?”
“You got a problem with that?!” Steve exclaimed under his breath, struggling to find the key and opening the door with shaky hands. “Get out only when we’ve walked away, okay?”
“The things I fucking do for you…” Eddie mumbled, trying not to stumble among the cleaning products as Steve swiftly closed the door, making sure to keep the key.
“Keith! I’m here!” Steve blurted out then, his voice breaking as he came out of the beaded curtain.
“Ooh, getting naughty and steamy, ain’t ya?” Keith teased, his stupid ape face contorting in a cheesy grin.
“Uhm…”
Steve slowly realized what he just came out of, and took his own dose of humiliation, just in time to notice that Robin was holding in a hysterical laughter, her cheeks red and her eyes watery with glee.
***
A couple of days later, Steve was putting some tapes back into their place when he heard Eddie and Robin bicker at the counter.
“Thank you, Buckley-boo!” Eddie said, in a sing-song voice.
“Please, don’t ever call me that again.”
“Buckley-babe?”
“Gross.”
“Bucky Barnes?”
“Who even is that.”
“Dunno. Probably someone from those nerd comic books. Henderson told me, I think.”
Steve could see that Robin couldn’t actually care less, but he knew she liked the guy, so she let him do his thing. She, too, was now fond of his little mannerisms, and she liked how funny Eddie was, even when he was ranting on a load of bullshit.
“Anyways, I still got a week on this, right?” Eddie asked, waving a copy of Empire Strikes Back in front of Robin’s face.
“You do.”
“Okay, then. Can’t wait to see that space daddy-o,” he joked, running his tongue on his lips. Steve, who was watching everything as he came back with a stack of videotapes in his arms, actually felt his throat dry up.
“You’re still gross,” Robin declared, nodding with disgust.
“But with style. See ya!” he announced, giving Steve a wink as he met his gaze, before leaving the shop.
“Well, at least he’s subtle. Isn’t he?” Robin said softly. That caused an immediate reaction in Steve, making him look down at her with wide eyes, a yelp dying in the back of his throat.
“What–what are you talking about?”
“Steve… do you really think I can’t see you when he gets here?”
Steve was speechless for a moment, his brain trying to come up with an excuse as fast as it could. But clearly, it didn’t work fast enough. The shop was hot, he was sweaty, his throat was dry, and deep down he knew he couldn’t fuck with Robin. He let out a frustrated groan, letting go of the copy of The Apartment that he was clutching involuntarily to his chest.
“I thought we were keeping this as secret as possible,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “Did Keith flush us out? I made Eddie hide the other day–”
“I know, that was actually the funniest thing that’s happened since we got the job,” she smirked. “He really thought you were a pervert like him.”
“Jesus. He wouldn’t stop talking about it…”
“I’m really sorry. No, by the way,” she mumbled, helping Steve with the stack and recording the movies that had been returned one by one. “He didn’t flush you out. Not to me, at least. But let’s just say that despite everything you’ve planned, Eddie’s got some really smart moves–”
“Why are you assuming Eddie planned them out?”
“Do you really need to ask, Steve? How long have we known each other?”
“...okay, he planned them.”
Robin shrugged with a smirk, one of her iconic I-know-everything looks.
“As I said, despite everything you’ve planned, it’s very weird to see you disappear with him in the porn stacks for a good twenty minutes and then come back all disheveled and flustered like nothing has happened. Either you get each other off like the monkeys you are, or something is going on,” she finished, holding up two fingers to support her thesis.
“You have a really weird conception of men, you do realize that?” Steve said, sighing and ruffling his hair desperately. “And it’s not twenty minutes, we just… come and go.”
“Great choice of words.”
“Robin.”
She snorted. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop,” she said, arms raised in defeat. “I think we should go through this step by step, as you’re clearly oblivious about the whole situation.”
Steve looked at her with a questioning look, his head tilted to one side and one of his eyebrows raised in confusion. He took a quick glance to the shop door to check if anybody was coming in and sighed, leaning against the counter and trying to internalize Robin’s immense patience.
“What do you mean?”
“How did this happen?”
Steve was ready to talk about it. He was sure of it. But still, he hesitated. Nobody had told him this would make him so nervous. Why would he be? This was weird, okay, unexpected, and a whole secret ordeal between him and Eddie… but it was Robin he was talking with. There was nothing to be worried about.
“The… other evening. When he came by and gave us a ride home.”
“That day? It was almost three weeks ago.”
“Yeah,” Steve said, moving his hand like he was trying to send an annoying fly away. “We got to the trailer park, we got pizza… and we smoked a bit.”
“Ooh, naughty boy.”
“Robin, please.”
Robin showed a big smile, her face scrunching up as she laughed quietly, letting out little snorts like her usual. Steve was annoyed, but he couldn’t help but be amused by that. Her laugh was just that contagious.
“But yeah, we smoked… Everything was light, we got some jokes in and stuff. And then I kissed him, I don’t know.”
“Aw.”
“I don’t even know why I did it. He… looked kissable, I guess. And he was starting to talk nonsense, so…”
“So you had to keep his mouth busy somehow.”
“I guess.”
“That was a joke.”
“But why do you care? Why does anyone care?” he exclaimed suddenly, his guts tightening again from nervousness. “Can’t it be just… casual and stuff? Everyone does it!”
“Yeah, but usually not everyone keeps it up for a good three weeks, if it’s all casual and stuff,” she retorted, making air quotes with her fingers.
“Is anybody going to stop me?”
“Steve, nobody is saying that. I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry,” Robin said, now more seriously, noticing how pent up Steve was about this. He was really going through it. “If you do it, that’s great. And because of it, you could… take advantage of this.”
“Take advantage? How?”
“Like, do you even know what he does after he gets here?”
“I don’t know. He probably goes home or something.”
“Have you ever even gone out with him, just once?”
“No, why?”
Robin kept quiet, moving her hand to rub her face exasperatedly and letting out a little groan when she noticed she had smeared a bit of mascara on her pinky.
“... seriously, what.”
“I can’t believe you’re so damn dense, Harrington.”
Steve rolled his eyes; sometimes arguing with Robin was the most frustrating thing he could manage to do, even when it turned out to be mostly therapeutic for him.
“I’m saying you could try and date him. It’s what people do when they behave like you’re doing,” she said, slapping the cover of I Walked with a Zombie on his forehead in the most gentle of ways.
“Pfft, men don’t date each other.”
Robin stopped her actions and quietly turned around, her mouth open in disbelief. “Oh my God. You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“What? We said we’d keep it casual,” Steve tried to justify his statement, feeling a kind of shift in the air. Like some tension had just been pressed over the two of them.
“I really have to do this all by myself, don’t I?” Robin mumbled to herself, before facing her friend directly. “Listen to me. It doesn’t always mean it’s not happening, if you don’t see it.”
Steve was about to ask what, but an eloquent look from her made him shut up and think about it for a second before talking and nod.
“Men date. Even each other.” Robin’s voice grew softer. “You can do it, and it’s okay. Do you like Eddie?”
“I mean…”
“Do you?”
Steve bit his lip and actually considered the question. Could this be… the reason? The reason why he couldn’t stop staring at Eddie’s dimples? The reason why they kept this going wordlessly, just with a few automatic gestures that caused a turmoil in his tummy every time they happened? The reason why everything felt so goddamn normal and easy, somehow. Steve started to connect the dots, his eyes widening as he realized why he hadn’t even asked himself that many questions. Everything had felt natural from the start, even when they kissed by mistake, and it didn’t even spark a question.
“Shit, I have to tell him,” he mumbled, his gaze void and lost towards a corner of the counter area.
“You do,” Robin smiled, patting Steve’s back supportingly.
***
If Steve told anyone he’d got any sleep that night, they’d laugh at his face in an instant. He had tossed and turned in his bed for hours, trying to plan some kind of speech in his head, imagining the endless ways in which his conversation with Eddie could’ve gone. And he kept getting distracted, too afraid of that overwhelming, sudden crush that he didn’t even try to control.
He tried to sustain himself on a whole pot of black coffee before he got to Family Video, and Robin probably noticed immediately since she just rubbed his back gently when they got in, not saying a word and only engaging in some type of contact whenever they came close, like squeezing his arm or adjust his uniform. That was the most she could manage, and Steve was sincerely comforted by it.
Eddie barged into the store at his usual hour, waving at Robin and smiling at Steve like nothing at all was happening. At least he was subtle, right?
He was wearing one of those stupid tank tops with ripped sleeves, Steve could still see the loose strings of tissue around the rims, the guitar pick hanging on his neck, his jeans all dirty with car oil, and how the hell could he wear combat boots in August? Oh God, was that black nail polish?
“Kill me, please,” Steve muttered through his teeth, faking a way too rigid smile.
“Oh, honey,” Robin said, giving him a knowing look. It should have been reassuring, but as she waved back at Eddie and took the movies he had rented, Steve actually wished for a crack to open in the floor, right under his feet, and swallow him whole forever.
“This was banging!” Eddie was saying, probably ranting about the last movie he had watched. “And now I really have no fucking clue on what I should watch next.”
“Maybe you should ask Steve, how’s that?” Robin said, winking slightly at her friend. There was to say that, while Steve was busy dying inside, Eddie was really trying everything to look as confident and nonchalant as possible. The three of them knew, and each one knew that they knew, and yet this whole ordeal happened.
Steve was getting even more nervous, and fed up with the whole pantomime.
“Actually,” he said, probably a bit too loudly. He cleared his voice and took a breath. “Actually, can we, like, talk? In private?”
Eddie raised an eyebrow confusedly, his lips just slightly ajar as he was about to answer. He probably noticed the supportive pat on Steve’s shoulder from Robin, and how Steve just wiggled his finger in a ‘follow me’ gesture.
“Oh, looks like I’m in trouble!” he joked, walking behind Steve to the back of the shop, exactly where they had spoken the last time they had had the chance to speak. “Wait, am I really in trouble?” he then asked seriously, once the back door was fully closed, crossing his arms.
Steve tried very hard not to get distracted by the tattoos on Eddie’s arm and sat on the little brick wall that divided the store from the car park. He needed to let it all out, fuck the speech he had prepared, fuck everything. He couldn’t avoid this, not even if he wanted to.
“Why would you…” Steve started, taking a deep breath and holding his hands together in front of his face. “How do I say this?”
“Did we get busted?”
“Uh?”
“Shit, I knew it,” Eddie hissed, his tongue clicking and his foot tapping nervously on the ground. The movement raised small clouds of dust, and Steve got worried for a second about those combat boots, although he was supposed to care more about whatever stream of random, filterless thoughts was coming out of Eddie’s mouth.
“It was Keith, wasn’t it? That fucking ape-face, if I see him… or did Henderson slip it out? I mean, I told him, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Probably a bit of a shock, but I think he’s going through it. Or did Robin see us… wait, Robin knows, doesn’t she? Man, she is good,” he mumbled, one hand torturing his chin and the other patting his jeans pockets to find the packet of cigarettes.
“Eddie. Listen to me,” Steve said firmly, probably louder than he had intended. But, magically, Eddie stopped, the edge of the cigarette dangling from his lips. “No one flushed us out. I was just… wondering.”
“Wondering?”
“Wondering.”
“We sound like two parrots,” Eddie snickered, lighting his cigarette and stepping closer. “Wondering what?”
“About…” Damn, Harrington, grow a pair of balls already, Steve thought as he physically felt his face catch fire. “Whatchu doing tonight?”
Great fucking move.
“Me?”
“Y-yeah,” Steve stuttered, fiddling with his hands. That’s how Robin had started, right? That sounded like a good starting point.
“Oh. Probably watching Columbo with my old man, eating, being gross, having a nap,” Eddie smiled. “The other day I bought the Sabbath album I didn’t catch in January, thank fuck Vic pays me enough, so I could listen to that. But… yeah, that’s all. I guess.”
He was vague, almost insecure. His voice had got almost fond when he mentioned his uncle, and Steve still had no fucking idea of who the Sabbath were. Eddie had tried to explain it to him one day for the third time, but he’d ended up being distracted because Steve had pulled on his hair and kissed his neck.
“Oh, cool,” Steve said quietly, clearing his voice.
“Cool.”
“Because, I was wondering…”
“Yeah. You said that.”
“Would you like to…” Steve cringed at his own phrasing of words and the fact that he kept repeating himself. “Go to the movies? Or… have a drink together? Or something.”
Eddie was silent for a moment and he tilted his head, taking a puff of his cigarette, as if he was observing a rare species of tropical animal at the zoo. Steve Harrington, the Fuck-It-All cockatoo.
“Are you… asking me out? On a date?” he then asked, almost teasingly, like even he couldn’t take himself seriously in saying it.
“Well, I mean, I don’t know,” Steve answered impulsively, when instead all that he had planned brought to one definite answer: yes. “I was… just asking.”
“Yeah, sure,” Eddie mumbled with a pinch of sarcasm, putting his free hand in his pocket. “I thought you didn’t fuck with guys.”
“Uhm…” Steve was startled at that. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t take the piss. Didn’t we say this was all casual? Didn’t you say it?”
Steve widened his eyes, opening his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Everything was stuck inside of him, inside that horrible grip of anxiety that, like a vicious claw, squeezed his insides. The only exception was a faint, raspy sound, that he managed to suppress just in time not to make a complete fool of himself.
“Well, yeah, but… I thought we could try, I guess,” he said. It sounded so weak, it was a shame. “Since… we’re having fun.”
Silence fell again, and Steve could see Eddie was still suspicious about this whole thing. The guy must not have had a serious relationship since God knows when.
“I swear I’m not joking,” Steve murmured.
Eddie looked at him quietly, and Steve genuinely couldn’t tell what he was thinking about. He then took a blow of the cigarette, letting out the smoke through his nose with a smirk. “Look who’s trying to sneak into my bed, uh.”
Steve felt immediate relief, and was able to breathe again. “More like your soggy mattress, dude,” he couldn’t help but giggle.
“Hey! I changed it at the beginning of the year,” Eddie exclaimed, but he was laughing too, his smile wide and gleeful as he took a puff of his cigarette.
They let their laughter die out on them, its sound appearing alive and wonderful to their ears, and Steve felt like he could get rid of a tiny part of the enormous tension pressing on his shoulders.
“But, seriously,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment and running a hand through his hair, messing it up. “I thought about it. I… this is new to me. I mean it. The other times it happened, with guys… I wasn’t sober. I needed some liquid courage, y’know? But I told myself I’d get over it, sooner or later.”
He was probably dumping too much information on him, but Eddie was listening attentively and had moved even closer, sitting on the edge of the little brick wall right next to him. Steve tried to swing his knee, and found himself smiling when it knocked softly against Eddie’s.
“Then you came along…” Steve continued, but now he couldn’t get the laughter away from his own voice.
“Oh my God, I ruined your life! There I am, the homewrecker,” Eddie joked, nudging his shoulder with Steve’s, and they both chuckled.
Steve covered his face with a hand, mostly in disbelief by how ridiculous this conversation – this whole situation, really – had turned out. It was all so simple, and it was right before his eyes. It was right in that smile, in those dimples at the corners of Eddie’s mouth, in the way Eddie kept his face so close that he could feel him breathing, and in the way he made him laugh and feel good and feel… happy. He even saw it in the quiet streaks of smoke that came out of that same mouth, and in the way Eddie’s free hand was now reaching for his own.
“I still didn’t think you fucked with guys. Quite literally,” Eddie admitted with a half-laugh. “Steeeve The Hair Harrington,” he added, and Steve felt a lovely shiver down his back at the way Eddie dragged his name.
“And Eddie The Homewrecker Munson.”
“That’s a new nickname,” Eddie commented, his face inches away from him.
“It has the Robin Buckley seal of approval, I swear.” Steve’s joke fell flat, his voice too low as the tip of his nose met Eddie’s.
They both laughed, their voices slowly getting lost in one another, their hands too busy holding each other and their breaths too busy becoming one.
***
“... hello?”
“Robin?!”
“The fuck– Dustin?”
“Did I wake you up?”
“Considering it’s… 9 am and it’s my free day, yeah.”
“Sorry. But I needed to check if it’s true.”
“What?”
“Steve. And Eddie. Are they together for real?”
“Uh?”
“I saw them sleeping together. I mean, not literally, and not in that sense, ew! But, like, I went knocking at Eddie’s door, we have an ongoing campaign we absolutely have to finish and I brought my mum’s cookies, I thought I’d give him a surprise, but then I saw him getting out of his room with Steve, and they were half-naked, thank fuck they still had their pants on…”
“Language, gremlin.”
“Sorry. Oh my God, Will, Mike and Lucas will see them too, won’t they?”
“Dustin. Go back to sleep, please.”