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Friends can keep a secret, love can keep you alive

Chapter 5: Inej

Summary:

Kaz and Inej go on a date. The best kind possible. The kind that involves murder, and some love confessions.

You all know how it is.

aka Kaz finally decides to share one of his secrets on purpose.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

She felt lighter the moment she saw them. 5 figures, at the same spot she and Kaz had been when he showed her The Wraith, when he reunited her with her parents.

5 figures. Her friends. Her family.

Saints, she had missed them.

Jesper went for a hug the moment her legs touched land.

“Inej! Oh, how we missed you!”

“How have you been?”

“You’re basically a pirate queen now as we heard!”

“You’re invited to our wedding by the way!”

“Let her breathe guys!”

Inej laughed hard, trying to hold back tears as she greeted everyone. Then her eyes found Kaz’s. He was standing a step behind everyone else, with a soft smile on his face, his eyes drinking in every little thing about her.

His posture was relaxed, and though he had his coat and gloves on, Inej’s heart stuttered at the open relief and joy on his face.

Without armor.

“Hello Inej.” he said softly, and Inej felt a shudder go through her when she heard the familiar, raspy, low voice.

“Hello Kaz.” she all but whispered, trying not to get lost in his dark eyes, trying not to run to him and hug him tight, as she knew he wouldn’t react well to the sudden touch.

3 months, and he still looked exactly the same.

She heard a chuckle and looked over to her friends, seeing a variety of expressions raging from knowing smiles to exaggerated eye rolls.

“Are you two done eye-fucking each other, or should we stand around here for a couple more minutes?” asked Jesper cheerfully, and Inej fought a blush. She saw Kaz shoot an annoyed look at the sharpshooter.

“I really, really missed you guys.” she said, laughing softly.

“We missed you too, so much.” replied Nina, hugging her again.

“Is everyone ready? We’re celebrating at Wylan’s place.” Kaz made a face, and Inej tried not to let the disappointment fill her chest.

“I can’t. I have something I have to take care of.” said the Bastard of the Barrel, resulting in sounds of protests from everybody. “It’s important business. I’ll join you tomorrow morning.” he grumbled, then looked deep into Inej’s eyes again. “I promise.”

“Come on Kaz! You can’t just leave when your girl just got back!” yelped Jesper, and Inej couldn’t keep the blush off her face this time.

His girl.

Kaz opened his mouth, most likely to argue about the expression Jes had used, but whatever he saw on her face, made him stop.

“If it’s truly that important,” Inej started, slightly raising her voice to get everyone’s attention. “then I suppose I’ll just have to accompany you. Like old times.” she smiled and when Kaz immediately agreed, she was the least surprised.

The walk to the slat left a bittersweet taste. It really felt just like the old times, Dirtyhands and the Wraith walking side by side, yet again. But the streets of Ketterdam were determined to stir up bad memories in her, which did not go unnoticed by Kaz, if the look on his face was anything to go about.

He broke the silence first.

“I missed you.” he murmured quietly, his voice lost in the wind to anybody’s ears but hers.

Inej’s breath caught in her throat at the admission. Kaz was never a man of words, he was a man of actions. She knew that. Yet the words left his mouth like a silent confession, quiet but sure.

“I missed you too.” she wished she could hold his hand.

She decided she wasn’t ready for more greetings at the moment, so instead of using the front entrance of the Slat, she climbed through his window, using her familiar route to his room.

She heard as he practically ran up the stairs and laughed. She sat at her usual place on the window, as Kaz walked behind his desk, taking his place in his chair.

“Nina told me about what you did.” she started, willing her voice not to tremble. Kaz frowned, as if he was trying to figure out what offence he had committed while Inej was gone.

“I've done a lot of things lately Inej, you’ll need to be more specific.” he said, but Inej knew he suspected what she was talking about.

“She told me you hunted down every single slaver in the city of Ketterdam Kaz.” she said softly, and Kaz’s gaze bore into her eyes. “All of them, everyone who was involved in selling, trading or even buying slaves in the last decade.”

A few seconds went by, none of them looked away. At that moment, it was just him and her on the whole world, nobody else.

“Not everyone.” he breathed, slowly handling her a piece of paper. Her heartbeat sped up as she read the name.

“Heleen.” she whispered, but her voice was hardened steel in the quiet.

“That’s the job? Getting rid of her?” she breathed. “Is that why you agreed so easily when I offered my help?”

“I was counting on it.” Kaz answered. “This is your revenge Inej. Not mine.”

Inej closed her eyes tightly. “I haven’t even had the chance to have a proper talk with you. Do we have to do this tonight?” she felt weak for admitting her hesitance, but she had been looking forward to seeing Kaz for weeks. She didn’t want to ruin it. Not yet. This wasn’t how she imagined spending her time when she got back.

Kaz took a deep breath, the look in his eyes closely resembling guilt.

“No. But it is convenient. She’s invited to a party tonight. Big building. Plenty of rooms. One of my spiders slipped a note in her pocket. She thinks she’s going to do a business transaction at midnight in one of the rooms on the top floor. Far away from everyone. The moment she goes into that room, every guard on the floor will leave their posts, and won’t return for an hour.” he rasped, standing up from his chair to step closer to her. “It’s a good opportunity, but not the last one. I understand if you don’t want to do this tonight Inej. I should have warned you sooner, sent you a letter.” Inej shook her head slightly, not knowing how to answer.

She had dreamed of this day for years, and Kaz created the perfect opportunity for her.

“Why not do this at the menagerie? Why wait until she’s in a large, secure building? Is it easier to get into than the menagerie?” she asked.

“It is for you.” he murmured, looking deep into her eyes, and Inej felt the tears escape the next moment. He knew. Of course he did. A newfound determination spread through her body.

“We’re doing this tonight.” she said. Kaz nodded, his eyes hardening. He stepped back, and Inej already missed the closeness of his body.

“Kaz?” she asked, making him turn around. “Before we go… will you- can you hug me?” her voice was so low she would have been afraid he didn’t hear her, had it not been for the look in his eyes.

Hesitation. Fear. Longing. Something else.

When he stepped closer again, taking a deep breath, Inej let the warmth spread though her heart. “Yes.”

She stepped closer too, ever so slowly, and put a gentle hand on his chest. He didn’t flinch, nor shudder. His eyes followed her every movement. She took another step, and her nose was almost touching his chest. When his arms circled her, oh so gently and slow, giving her every opportunity to pull away, she pushed closer, burying her face in his chest.

She heard him let out a sharp breath, and she started to pull away, to ask if he was alright, if he needed to stop, but his grip tightened around her.

“Don’t.” he whispered, and Inej could barely hear it from the rapid beat of his heart so close to her.

“Don’t pull away. Not unless you want to.” he pleaded. Kaz never pleaded. Inej nodded into his chest.

“I don’t.” she breathed into his chest. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

“We’re not finished yet.”

“We never will be. But I’m still grateful. I’m grateful for each one you put down.”

Kaz sighed. “I thought you were against me murdering people.”

Inej shook her head, as much as she could, still buried deep in his chest.

“Not when it saves all these children. Thank you.”

“Oh Inej, treasure of my heart. You’re so very welcome.” she smiled and reluctantly pulled away.

They had a job to do.

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 It wasn’t until she was face to face with Tante Heleen’s unconscious form that she realized, she didn’t know what to do. Death felt like an easy way out for her. Torture? It was not in Inej’s nature to be cruel, and the last thing she wanted was to let this woman put another weight of sins on her soul. As she watched Kaz bound Heleen to a chair, then retreat back to the shadows, she found that he looked at him for guidance.

“I could hurt her if you want to.” said Kaz quietly. “It’s too late for my soul anyway.” he sent her a smile, but she did not find it funny.

Kaz didn’t know how many times she had prayed for his soul after all.

“No. I- I can do this.”

Heleen stirred, and Inej felt her heart harden. When the horrible woman’s eyes locked with hers, she was furious to see not fear, but anger and a cruel smile panted on her face.

“You little lynx. How dare you?” her voice was still the same when she was angry. Low and dangerous, but also full of honey sweetness. Inej hated it. “I’ll get you for this girl! You’ll hang for this! You’ll be on the gallows by tomorrow!” Heleen screamed, but nobody came running. The whole floor was empty.

Inej stared at her in silence for a moment, looking at the woman who took everything from her.

“No.” she said, quiet, and calm. Something must have been in her voice, because it made Heleen froze, and Inej could finally see the fear in her eyes, as reality slowly kicked in.

The reality that she wasn’t a helpless little girl anymore. That she could do anything she wanted to this woman.

“You won’t live to see tomorrow, Heleen.” Inej continued, with the same even voice, and she saw Heleen tremble.

“Inej, sweety-“

“Call her that again and I cut your tongue out.” Kaz rasped lowly from the shadows, and Heleen’s face snaped at his direction.

“You! You bastard!”

“They do call me that yes.”

“Inej my girl, you can’t let this animal do anything to me, he-“

“I won’t do anything to you Heleen. In fact-“ Kaz took a step back and disappeared completely in the shadows of the corner. “I’m not even here.” his voice changed from dangerous and low, to a soft rasp. “Terribly sorry for the interruption Inej darling. Please, continue.”

Heleen’s gaze snapped back to Inej, now wide with terror.

“Wait please-“

“I do love to hear that word from you mouth.” Inej said quietly, her voice still not losing its strange calmness she did not feel. “Do repeat it.”

“Please my girl I’m sorry if I-“

“Apology not accepted. Not like you would ever mean it anyway.” she mused. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m not here to listen to you. In fact- “ Inej drew closer to the woman, even though every bone in her protested at the movement, her body screaming at her to get far, far away.

“I don’t think I ever want to hear your voice again.” tears spilled from Heleen’s eyes, and a deep feel of satisfaction crawled into Inej’s heart at the sight.

“Please- please!” she screamed. “Don’t hurt me.”

“You are a coward. A coward and a monster. You ruined so many lives. You hurt so many people.” Inej’s heart ached for all of the victims, for every young child who suffered under Heleen’s hand. It ached for the little girl she had been. The girl who had every one of her firsts stolen from her by this monster.

“But I won’t let you stain my soul, even if you deserve every bit of pain imaginable.” she pulled out a knife, and its blade flashed in the moonlight that came through the window. “So I’ll make this quick for you. I’ll let hell do the rest of the job for me.” she whispered, her voice trailing down with finality.

Heleen kicked, screamed, and cried. Then Inej slashed her throat, and it all stopped. The woman was still and quiet.

She was dead.

It was over.

------------------------------------------

Inej didn’t remember the walk back. She didn’t remember going up to Kaz’s room. She didn’t remember when she sat down on his bed, pulled her knees up and started to cry.

She felt a hesitant touch on her shoulder. Looking up, she found Kaz Brekker kneeling in front of the bed, resting his bare hand on her shoulder. His face was full of sympathy, which made his usually so impassive face look years younger.

“Inej.” he rasped, and her name in his mouth made her heart twitch.

“Kaz.” she answered tearily, pushing herself back to make space for him on the bed. He sat next to her, and slowly took her hand in his, crossing his fingers with hers.

They’ve been getting better at touch since the last year, and Inej thanked the Saints for that. She didn’t think she could handle this without his grounding touch.

“Alright?” he asked softly, with the voice that was only reserved for her. Soft. Full of love, and careful affection.

“Alright.” she answered. “Stay. Please.”

“Of course. Anything.”

Anything, he said.

Anything.

“Hug me again.” he did.

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, only that Kaz didn’t let go for a second. Her hands fisted in his shirt, as she felt his arms holding her together, tight, but not too tight. Never too tight.

By the time her tears finally dried, and she pulled away, the sun was almost up.

“I’m okay.” she said steadily, looking into Kaz’s dark eyes with newfound hope. “She’s gone, and I’m okay.” she smiled, and Kaz smiled back at her.

“Sleep.” he whispered, and Inej tried to protest.

“The other’s will be waiting for us.”

“I’ll send Jesper a messenger. Tell him we’ll be late. Sleep. Please.”

“Only if you stay.”

“If you want.”

“I want.”

Kaz smiled, and Inej saw a hint of hesitation cross his face.

“You don’t have to if you-“

“No- I mean yes – I want to. It’s just.” he sighed, closing his eyes.

When he opened them, all Inej could see was determination.

“I want to tell you something.” he breathed, and Inej’s heart clenched with hope.

“Go on.” she whispered, leaning closer, her lips only inches away from his.

Kaz didn’t hesitate.

“Darling Inej, treasure of my heart. I love you.” he breathed, soft, quiet and oh so honest, and Inej has never been happier.

She laughed, slowly reaching out to touch the side of his face, only going through with it once he nodded.

“I love you too.” she said the confession like a promise, one she would never break.

She saw Kaz’s shoulders drop with relief, and she almost laughed again. Like he ever needed to worry about her not returning his feelings.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, so, so close to her. But not close enough.

“Please.” when his lips finally touched hers, Inej felt alive.

They would be alright.

Notes:

If you read all of this, thank you very much, I hope you enjoyed it! <3

What do you think? Comments and kudos are always welcome :)