Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When they had gone to school as children, they had been a kind of friends. Not the kind that meant people would say ‘Oh Avery? Isn’t that Elizabeth’s friend?’ but they had a closeness. One that started in middle school when Elizabeth had transferred. They had not had an introduction and in fact Elizabeth had immediately made friends with the tight knit ‘cool kids.’ What made the difference was when Ian Gilbert pulled on little Elizabeth’s braid so hard, she fell out of her seat in the lunchroom. When she has started to cry, Ian had pointed at her and said, ‘The new girl is a big sissy!’ which young Avery Hew had not liked. Chaos ensued after she tipped her lunch onto the floor and slammed her plastic lunch tray over the top of Ian Gilbert’s skull. ‘Don’t pick on girls just because you think they’re pretty, you fuck!’ Ian Gilbert had wobbled his way to his feet and swung on her the way young boys do to save pride.

Avery had gotten in a heap of trouble over the whole deal. The school had punished her but so had her mother who made her do extra chores with her stepfather. It had been worth it when pretty Elizabeth Beck, with her big brown eyes and hair like fire, had smiled at her the next day. There had been some pleasant words that surprised Avery because she had not expected a ‘thank you for stickin’ up for me’ nor the prolonged jabber about being from Georgia and horses and fishing. Avery had stood there listening for a good few minutes before Elizabeth had hugged her, handed her plastic baggie of cookies, and ran off.

So they had never really been friends. Elizabeth had always given her kind smiles and sometimes, when they sat near each other, she would chat away like they always had been friends, but they decidedly weren’t.

When they enter high school, they still are not quite friends but they are a bit closer than they were in middle school. Most of their classes overlap so Elizabeth takes the opportunity to sit with her. That is fine. She helps Avery with math sometimes and always has pencils when she loses hers. In their sophomore year, Avery’s parents kick her out in a quiet way, so their church buddies don’t find out and she does not tell anyone. Not even Grandma Hew because she is embarrassed and heartbroken and scared. Somehow, Elizabeth figures out that she is staying on friends couches and taking odd, under the table jobs to pay for things. Even though they are not friends and only talk if they are near each other.

“Hey, Hew,” There had been a look in her eye when she leaned over her shoulder to whisper near her ear, “I need some help with a big project. Would you mind staying the night? I promise to feed and water you.”

So sometimes, even though they are not friends, Avery stays at the Beck ranch. While she is there, Pete Beck tells her that everyone has to pitch in with chores and that is fine by her. She likes chores and likes to be helpful. The part that surprises her is when she leaves, Pete gives her some money for the work she did. On the ride to school, Elizabeth looks out the window of Avery’s car with a concealed smile. A knowing smile she thinks she can hide.

Avery does not acknowledge it, but she does wait after cheer practice every day, after that, to give Elizabeth rides. The actual friend group of Elizabeth usually give their friend weird looks because they are not friends, and it is strange. Strange that Elizabeth would ride with a classmate she is not particularly close with.

They never become whole and true friends. They exchange notes sometimes and she knows Elizabeth’s birthday and they have easy banter. She knows all of Elizabeth’s brothers, favorite cousins, and Elizabeth knows about how Avery’s parents really treated her behind closed doors. That does not equate to full friendship.

In junior year, Elizabeth seems to form a gravitation to her that was there before but tame enough she did not notice it. She starts dating Ian Gilbert who grew into a tall, muscular frame and an empty head. Whatever closeness they had that was not friendship vanishes after the boyfriend, and they do not see each other often. He is out there waiting after cheer practice to drive her home so Avery leaves. Even when warm brown eyes glance over to find her there and she looks heartbroken to be ushered away by Ian Gilbert, craning her head back to watch Avery go until she is fully gone from sight. He is the one bringing her to school in the mornings. He is the one sitting next to her in classes now, so Beth does not ask her if she wants to spend the night anymore. Not that Avery needs to anymore because she has since moved in with Grandma Hew. But they had developed a routine of a sleepover for homework at least once a month. Now when Avery does work for Pete Beck, it is to help him at his actual work sites building houses, so she is not often at the ranch anymore. She hardly sees Elizabeth except in passing. Notes sometimes find themselves wedged in the slots of her locker written in glittery gel pen that inquire about her and have hearts drawn around the holes in the college ruled paper. They say, at times, ‘don’t be a stranger. I miss you, you know. Come to the ranch anytime.’ Although the one time she does, he is there and he gives her a funny look as she turns around to leave. Especially when Elizabeth waves goodbye with an enormous frown and shrugs the muscly arm of her boyfriend off in Avery’s rearview mirror.

“Hey, Hew,” Elizabeth surprises her when she walks out to find her leaned against the door of her old Camaro in the school parking lot, “We haven’t hung out in a bit. Want to?”

There is a strange bashfulness to her that is not quite normal. Her lip is caught between her teeth, and she keeps flicking her eyes away.

“Sure. You need a ride somewhere?”

“Ian invited me to a party and since I know that’s sort of your thing, I wondered if you’d come with me?”

Avery gives the round face and the sweet, open way she holds her body a long look, “They drink at those.”

“I’ve had a beer.”

“A beer. Come on, in,” She holds the door open and tries not to be affected by the perfume when Elizabeth winks at her and climbs into the passenger seat, “Why didn’t he pick you up from practice? Doesn’t he do that now?”

“I told him I wanted to ride with you.”

“Why?”

Elizabeth looks just as confused as she is when she shrugs and says, “I don’t know. Maybe I miss the way it takes at least three tries to start your car. And you keep all the jackets you own in the backseat, and it smells like cigarettes.”

“Alright, take it easy on me. This car is a classic. And I’m going to fix it up some day.”

Sometimes Elizabeth gives her looks that confuse Avery. They are not friends, so she does not know know Elizabeth on any deeper levels than the most base layers. Therefore, she cannot decode the meaning and thinks it would be rude to try.

They never quite become friends. At that party, in junior year, Elizabeth Beck has a loud and unpleasant breakup with Ian Gilbert. Avery gets a bit drunk and has a little too much weed so she cannot drive home. That is why she sees Elizabeth storming out, hugging herself. That is why she hugs the woman who is not quite her friend, and they sit in Avery’s car scrolling through pictures on their phones with Elizabeth half in her lap, dried tears on her cheeks and swearing she does not care that Avery smells like weed. Both of them blinking hard against the flash when Elizabeth takes a picture of Avery smoking, wrist lax with the filter pinched between two fingers. Together, under her mountain of jackets, they sleep in the backseat and in the morning, Avery takes her home. Elizabeth hugs her fiercely on the porch of her home, thanking her for keeping her safe at the party and for lying to her parents about where she was so she did not get in trouble and for making her feel like she could trust Avery. ‘I was drunk and I was scared but I knew if I found you, I’d be okay. Thank you, thank you.’

They still do not become friends. They do not have inside jokes or secrets, no adventures or girl trips together. But Elizabeth trusts Avery more than her friends which seems strange. They do not know each other’s middle names, do not share schedules. They do not need to, for the last part, because they still share most of their classes. They do hold hands sometimes. When Avery gives her rides and Elizabeth toys with the frayed edges of her rope bracelets. If they stop at a light or get on the highway, Elizabeth sometimes wedges her fingers under the gear shift and Avery’s palm to hold her hand. Sometimes Elizabeth comes to visit her after church, at Grandma Hew’s house where she lives. It is always awkward when she does because they are not friends, and Avery does not know how to act when they have a bond that feels deep in spite of the nameless thing they have. Something that pulls on her chest when she sees Elizabeth laughing with her friends. Something that makes her hurry her step if she sees Elizabeth leaning against her car, waiting for her so she can drive Elizabeth home. Something that means she can tell when Elizabeth is having a bad day or when she needs saved from her gaggle of friends or when she needs a hug.

On one such visit, Elizabeth sits quite close to Avery on the floor and holds her hand. They are meant to be working on the homework that Avery is struggling with, but her focus is torn. Not an unusual thing for Avery Hew whose focus is always torn and kept diluted by a hundred different ideas and random thoughts at any given moment. This time it is sharp and singular and steady on Elizabeth’s hand in hers while she explains the rule of the equation.

“Avery, are you listening?”

“Not really.”

Elizabeth always has nice smiles. It is strange to be sitting so near to it. Lots of people in their schooling career have had crushes on Elizabeth that get passed along the rumor mill. There is something about the way she makes people feel special. Not that they have to earn their place beside her but that she has carved out a spot just for them. Even if it’s just for a few moments. So when Elizabeth smiles at her, brown eyes lit by the yellow lamp on Avery’s desk, her heart flips over and squirms.

“Let’s take a break then. I was kind of hungry.”

Wordlessly, Avery goes to the kitchen to prepare a meal for them. Cooking is fun. It is something that makes sense for her because of the steps laid out and the uniform way things get done. Grandma Hew has shown her how to make a few things that her grandma taught her. Things that don’t have proper recipes and usually measure in how it feels.

While she works through the amount of seasoning that feels right, Elizabeth sits on the counter watching. And that feels strange because it is Elizabeth Beck who is not her friend but the girl everyone wants to be friends with. For no good reason the same Elizabeth everyone has crushes on and wants to be around had elected to ride with a cousin into town to visit her on a Saturday. To help Avery with the load of work she struggles with. It does not make any good sense to her. Neither does the fact that she asks to spend the night when Grandma Hew gets home from work and she calls her mother to make sure it’s okay.

Neither does Elizabeth sneaking out of the guest room to knock on her door later that night.

“Hey Hew. Let me in real quick.”

Neither does Elizabeth letting out a nervous breath and bouncing on her heels, staring up at Avery in the dim room.

“You got really tall all the sudden, you know. I came back from Texas over summer during sophomore year, and you were suddenly a foot taller than me. A while back, I know. But I just remembered how crazy it was.”

“Okay.”

“I like that you got tall.”

Avery hunches her shoulders up and repeats, more demure, “Okay.”

“So what I’m trying to say is, you’re tall and I like that, and I don’t think I like that in a straight way.”

“You don’t? How…?”

Elizabeth flaps her hands in an awkward way that Avery has not seen her behave before. Her eyes dart to the window with a scene of night beyond it while a dark blush crawls up her neck to sit in her cheeks.

“Well the thing is, I was telling my friends about how when I go to Texas over summer, I usually come home a month or so before school starts. And I saw you get out of my Daddy’s truck when I got back and you were all…tall and muscular. You know, before we started last year. And then I was talking about how you seem like you got even taller and since you started working official like with Daddy you um—anyway, my friends said I sounded like I was into you. Which I…um…”

Avery stuffs her hands into the pockets and wishes the floor would swallow her up, “It’s okay. I know I’m not really everyone’s thing.”

“No! I didn’t mean I argued that I wasn’t!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I agreed so I wondered where that left me because you know, straight girls don’t think about other girls like that. So.”

“And you’re pretty sure you’re into me?”

More red fills her face and she twists her hands into the front of her shirt, nodding rapidly, “You, yes. Definitely you.”

This baffles her. No words float to the surface for her to pluck out and present, so she stands rooted to the floor. Rather than ask questions or try to comfort or counsel, she stands in front of a nervous Elizabeth in her bedroom.

Elizabeth chews on the corner of her lip, “But I don’t know.”

“Yeah that’s—yeah. It can be weird.”

Elizabeth steps fractionally closer, “How did you know for sure?”

“Toby from church said he liked my blonde hair, and he thought we should kiss, and I thought that was the grossest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“That doesn’t help me much.”

Avery shrugs, “Sorry.”

“Would you kiss me? You don’t have to, if it’s gross or you don’t want to. Totally fine and I get that. I just think I would like to kiss you or be kissed by you and then how I feel might tell me. Afterward.”

When Avery stares at her dumbly, Elizabeth makes a soft sound at the back of her throat and looks at the floor stricken.

“Oh god this is weird. Do you have a girlfriend, and I just stuffed my foot in my mouth? It’s rude too. It’s weird I asked this, I’m so damn sorry.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. I mean, not yet.”

Something in that makes Elizabeth voice light and choked, “Not yet?”

“Gabriel asked me out and I was still trying to decide if I wanna say yes. Cause she’s cute and I had a crush on her—“

“Avery Hew! You cannot date Gabbi! She was a super senior when we were freshmen!”

The explosion is not something she expected from someone who is not really her friend.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind. She’s nice to me.”

“Oh Avery, that is not a good enough reason to date someone. And beside that, my mama told me some ladies told her that she’s a criminal. Which is no judgment, lords knows I’m not like that. Just that you shouldn’t get caught up in that,” Elizabeth pokes her in the sternum, “You’re a sweetheart and I know in my soul you’re gonna do wonderful things. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Stay away from that girl, I mean it.”

Instead of saying ‘you can’t tell me what to do’ or ‘Gabbi is harmless’ she just swallows hard and nods. Because Elizabeth Beck has her pretty red hair down and it is framing her round face in a way that makes her look unbearably soft. And because Elizabeth Beck is standing in her room nearly pressed against her, blushing, and scowling after asking for a kiss.

“Good. Now…would you like to kiss me?”

“Ah,” Avery shuffles in place, feeling some of Elizabeth’s anxiety rub off, “Sure. If you want?”

They keep standing there, staring at each other with coy expressions and a kind of nervousness that belays their age. Elizabeth gives the front of her shirt a light tug.

“Go ahead, Avery.”

When she kisses Elizabeth Beck, they are not friends and not girlfriends either. They don’t know how to hold each other or act after the deed is done except to stand there and blush. Elizabeth mutters some words, thanks her, and scurries back to her room.

Before they are let out for summer break in their junior year, a lot of rumors get spread around about Elizabeth. Predominant being that she is into girls now and has a girlfriend which is fine. It makes Avery’s heart sting because she had always held a huge crush on the girl. Something she only realized after the kiss.

“Hey Hew! Hold on, lord you’re fast. It’s those long legs,” She slows to let Elizabeth catch up, blinking in surprise when Elizabeth grins after giving her a quick hug, “Good mornin’ darlin’.”

“It’s afternoon.”

“But I haven’t seen you all day.”

“Sure,” Avery takes Elizabeth’s bag because it’s normal for her to do that, “What’s up?”

“Nothing. We have class together, so I wanted to walk with you. Is that okay?”

“You aren’t gonna walk with your new girlfriend?”

Elizabeth blinks at her, mouth agape. Light reflects off the lenses of her glasses that she frequently complains about.

“My what?”

“Derick said you have a girlfriend.”

“I don’t though?”

“Oh,” She glares back down the hallway where Derick is leaned against the locker, “He said you came out too. He’s been telling everyone—“

“Oh god,” Elizabeth turns an instant, bright red, “I haven’t told anyone yet except my family. Maybe one of my brothers…? But I told him to keep his mouth shut. I—oh god that explains why I was gettin’ so many looks earlier.”

Ice fills her veins. This sort of thing always sets her on edge after all the fallout of her own truths being shared.

“Hey now, it’s alright. I’m not upset I just—“

“It’s not okay.”

Elizabeth tilts her head, eyes dazzling and smile timid but sweet, “It’s okay Avery. I’m alright. Don’t go startin’ fights now. C’mon. You walk me to class and keep them pretty hands in your pockets. Or if you want, in mine?”

They are not friends and not dating by the time senior year starts but Avery is a bit confused by what they might actually be. Over the summer between the school terms, Elizabeth calls her once a day to talk about Texas and the adventures she has with her Papa Lion. Sometimes during these calls Elizabeth says things. Things like, ‘I miss you. I wish you had come with me. You’d hate it here because it’s hot but you’d love the food. And I’d love to have you here.’ Or, ‘I want to kiss you again. When I get back’ but those usually drift off like she’s shy to admit the rest. When Elizabeth does get back, she borrows her mother’s car to come visit Avery and because Grandma Hew is not home, she rushes up onto her toes the moment the door opens to kiss Avery.

“Hi,” Fingers spread across Avery’s throat, teeth ensuring her own bottom lip and spreading the pink of her lipstick, “I’m back and I missed you.”

“Hi.”

Elizabeth glances over her shoulder into the house, “Is Grandma Hew home?”

“No? No.”

“Want to make out? Sorry, lord, I don’t know how to ask that in a very cute way. I just—I’ve missed you a lot. And I’ve thought about kissing you a lot. Is that alright? Is it…weird?”

Avery vehemently shakes her head, feeling her throat fill with tickling butterflies.

Elizabeth chews on her lip, “So…yes?”

“Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. My room? I mean, come in. Let’s go to my room.”

They do not go on proper dates. They do not really talk about the kisses or the hand holding or the way Elizabeth slides herself against Avery under the covers when she spends the night. And Elizabeth spends almost every weekend with her. At school, she often times finds Avery and drags her into a bathroom stall to kiss her breathless or pushes her against the Camaro when she gets off cheer practice. Avery thinks that if they were dating, Elizabeth would have told her. Or someone would have. She would think Elizabeth would ask or intone that she wants Avery too, but they never get that conversation going. Nothing happens in an outward way that makes them seem like a couple. No one says anything so she assumes they are not.

They kiss sometimes and hold hands and leave notes in each others' lockers. They kiss in the car when Avery brings her home or when she picks her up in the mornings. Avery goes to the games she cheers at and—briefly—she is a fill in for one of the running backs who happens to be a friend of hers. It only lasts three games because it is just to fill in for her friend. Elizabeth still plucks at the ill-fitting uniform and mumbles through a bashful explanation on how attractive she finds Avery. Sometimes Avery goes to church with the Becks. None of them are religious but they are the traditional sort and holidays mean church. Elizabeth always crosses her legs in a way that lets her brush her foot against her calf and they both blush. And eventually Elizabeth approaches the subject of sex. Shyly and in a way that confuses Avery about what they are talking about. This seems to fluster Elizabeth so much that she stops talking and just takes her shirt off before pulling Avery overtop her.

Afterward Elizabeth lays on her chest and smiles and tells her, “I haven’t done that before. I was getting scared I might never.”

“I haven’t either.”

“Then I’m glad our first times were together. That makes it special. I’m real glad it was you, Avery. I’ll never, ever forget this. Thank all it was you,” Elizabeth wedges her hand between the mattress and Avery’s back to hook up around her shoulder, fingers splayed across her sweaty skin, “That was magic. You’re my favorite person in the whole world. Thank you, thank you. I’m so glad it was you.”

And that has to mean something, but she does not know what.

They continue this way, kissing and sometimes sex, but never defining anything. Avery works a few odd jobs to buy Elizabeth a necklace for her birthday and the way that makes her cry makes Avery realize she’s wildly in love. It does not particularly change their dynamic though. They are not friends, they are not girlfriends, but they are lovers and something without a name. Something profound. Avery approaches the table with all the girls who run the school so she can pass Elizabeth a note and tries to flee. All black, shiny from chrome spikes on denim, horribly trying to not fit in. Out of place at that table where pretty Elizabeth Beck wears pristine makeup and dresses in flouncy, fashionable outfits. Before she can flee, Elizabeth gasps and shouts yes so they go to prom together. A total shock for Avery. They dance and kiss and hold hands and afterward Avery drives them to a quiet place where they can do what teenagers tend to do.

When they graduate high school, Elizabeth goes to college, and they have a goodbye. Elizabeth hugs Grandma Hew and Avery has an awkwardness to her lanky body when she says farewell to the Becks. They are not dating so it is not weird but Avery is in love, so her heart still breaks.

“Hey Hew,” Elizabeth is crying, makeup a black smudge on her cheeks, but she’s smiling, “I’ll miss you with my whole heart. Call me every once in a while, okay? I wanna know that you’re doing okay. You mean a lot to me.”

“Okay.”

There is one last kiss in full view for their family to see and a tight squeeze then Elizabeth Beck walks out of her life.

Clouds of smoke roll from the cracked window of the old but restored 1969 Camaro. Long years and more money than she wants to add up has gone into rebuilding the car. But she did it like she always said she would and that feels nice.

Since high school she had drifted around a bit, moving across the country picking up new skills by doing odd jobs. When she eventually moved back, it was not quite her hometown but close. Part of her always worried about running into the Becks and having to face them. Eventually she and Elizabeth stopped talking because Elizabeth got busy, made new friends, and Avery got insecure. Felt in herself that she had nothing to offer, and, at the time, she had been convinced they were not friends nor girlfriends, so she removed herself. Stopped answering the rare calls and texts, the pictures and the calls from the Becks too. She was young then and young people are prone to mistakes. It is how they learn when they become adults. The mistakes she made with Elizabeth, who was always kind and wonderful, haunts Avery.

So she settled in a town a fair bit larger than their hometown working as a mechanic. When she applied to the family-owned shop, the man who worked there was sweet and elderly but not so old that he could not work anymore. He took her on as his apprentice while he could still do the majority of the work and then passed along her apprenticeship to his nephew so he could retire to the front office. His sons, the both of them, had gone off to college so he had been left with just his nephew and his daughter to help with his shop. Avery had expected a stilted air when Joel hired her, but they welcomed her gladly. The whole of their family all move like slime, sleepy smiles ever plastered on their faces and intentions plainly obvious. That had been some time back though. Now she has graduated from her apprenticeship and does not feel much of a need to keep rambling anymore. She likes this place and her coworkers and it is only an hour and a half drive to visit Grandma Hew.

Smoke tastes bitter against the roof of her mouth while she flicks through things on her phone idly. Summer is sticky here, stronger in the latter months. She is done for the day because Joel sent her home early after she mentioned she was going to visit her grandma. Oil stains her coveralls and her busted knuckles are a slurry of black and red. Sweat beads along her hairline from the pressure of heat pushing against her even with the coveralls stripped to the waist so her arms can be bare. Without air conditioner it will be a long drive to visit Grandma Hew so she sits enjoying a cigarette first.

Which is why she sees her. Across the street, standing barefoot on the sidewalk in a pair of high waisted jeans and a colorful cardigan, crying.

Avery was eighteen years old the last time she saw Elizabeth Beck and she is twenty-nine when she sees her again. It jars her so fundamentally that she freezes long enough for her cigarette to burn until the cherry end falls off and burns through the thigh of her coveralls. After patting out the glowing edges in the fabric, she crouches over her steering wheel to get a better look.

Time has only made her beauty into something that awes the admirer. The curves she held have filled out a bit more. Avery forgot how short the woman truly was, looking ever smaller when she hugs herself and sits ungracefully on a bench to weep. Hair much longer now, coming down to the middle of her back in a braid that is half undone. Makeup smeared over her pale freckled cheeks. There is an air of distress that extends beyond the tears.

She is not sure what to do. The majority of her soul wants to lend aid because that is just the way Grandma Hew raised her. The smaller cowardly part of her wants to run and pretend she did see her first love crying on a bench by the bus stop. She cannot be the coward though. Not for someone who needs help and especially when that someone is Elizabeth Beck.

Crossing the street feels like she is doing it with weights on her chest and wrapped around her ankles. The closer she gets, the harder it feels to breathe.

“Um, excuse me?”

Elizabeth jolts into an upright position, brown eyes wide and wet. Smears of mascara make a black ring around each eye, clumps of black on the lashes. Avery had forgotten how magnetizing the sheer presence of Elizabeth Beck can be.

“Hi, you probably don’t really remember me but—“

“Avery? Oh my lord, I,” Elizabeth worries her frazzled braid between her hands and swallows hard before offering a cracked, fake smile, “Avery Hew, how do you do?”

A soft, fake laugh is meant to ease the tension, but it falls flat. Avery jams her hands in her pockets, looking around to see if whatever is making Elizabeth cry is nearby. Words have always failed the tall, bumbling Avery Hew so she became a woman of action. Talking to Elizabeth probably will not make this less awkward but if the problem is nearby, she could probably hit it really hard. That might help.

When she does not say anything, Elizabeth’s smile grows faker, “You dyed your hair. Chopped it all off too. You look real handsome, my word. And I like all your tattoos too. Hadn’t seen ‘em myself but Mama told me she’d seen you around once. Said you were a walkin’ bit of art. I hardly recognized you.”

Avery purses her lip, “It took you less than a second.”

“Well, you can’t hide your eyes. You’ve always had the kindest eyes I’ve ever seen on a person.”

That makes her stomach do the thing it did when she was a teenager. It discombobulates her. After all these years, Elizabeth Beck can still fill her with butterflies.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Oh,” Elizabeth looks away, shoulders sinking and lips thinning when the smile cracks completely and fails, “I don’t know. I just started walking. Waiting for a bus, I guess.”

There is too much feeling for her to bluntly approach this. She does not have the capacity to handle this kind of hurt rolling off Elizabeth in waves. But she wants to help, somehow.

“You don’t have any shoes on.”

That just makes Elizabeth start shaking from the force of her new tears that rise up and spill over. There is still a lanyard with a work badge hanging from her neck, askew from her crying. A few pens poke out of her pocket. There is no rectangle shape of a phone or a wallet.

This situation is unpleasant and awkward and those are the types of situations she can handle. Whatever happened was either quite traumatizing or overwhelming. Both of which Elizabeth does not seem capable of handling by herself right now.

“Where were you taking the bus?”

“I don’t know.” She sobs against her palms.

Avery nods, resolute, and extends a hand, “Come on. I’ll give you a ride.”

There is a familiarity in the shock that is given. In the way surprise always makes Elizabeth raw, open like a door for Avery to see past the eyes to the sterling soul behind. There are new things for her to find past the door, things that have festered since high school and grown with her into adulthood. Hurt parts that flinch away from the sincerity and graciousness. Slowly, Elizabeth reaches up to curl her fingers around the callused, greasy palm of Avery Hew.

“Sorry, I forgot to wash my hands.”

Elizabeth sniffles, still hugging her ribs with her free arm, “You have open wounds on your knuckles, Avery. It could get infected.”

“You’re walking down the street barefoot.”

“I left the house in a haze.”

Avery smirks when she looks both ways before dragging Elizabeth across the street by the hand.

That feels familiar too which she tries hard to push away. The entire situation is so surreal she cannot focus on it at the moment.

“Oh,” Elizabeth comes to a sudden stop in the alley behind the shop Avery works at, “You still have it.”

“Yeah, I fixed it up like I said would. Cool, huh?”

A fleeting look of happiness warms the face red from crying. She does not say anything else. She allows Avery to open the door for her and help her inside. Just like they used to do in high school when they had not been dating nor had they been friends but something between there.

They have not spoken in years and now Elizabeth Beck is sitting in her car. Tear-stained, barefoot, and shaking.

“Have you eaten?” Avery cannot think about that right now. If she focuses on the fact that this is a woman that needs her help, then she can get through it and think about the rest later.

“I…” From the corner of her eye, she sees Elizabeth tense up and turn inward. Heaviness sits upon her brow and her shoulders. She silently looks out the window.

She reaches between the seats for one of her thick coats in the back and hands it over to Elizabeth, “Here.”

Fingers curl around it slowly. Perhaps the initial ability to put on a congenial smile and act like everything was fine has left the woman. Now she just sits quietly and blinks rapidly, occasionally looking over at Avery while she drives. She hugs the coat around herself. Avery ignores the quiet sounds of crying.

There is a place Avery takes her quickly. One with a cracked parking lot and a sign where only some of the neon still works. A well-loved place where the staff know her by name and reach over the counter to hug her. While she waits for food to be done, she bends at the waist to peer out the window and check on her passenger. Elizabeth is still sitting with the coat draped around her shoulders, staring blankly out the window.

Thanks and tips are given for the bag of takeout. Something hearty and greasy that usually brings her back to life after a long night of drinking.

Elizabeth looks confused by the box Avery hands her and the pile of napkins with a plastic fork and a bottled juice.

“Here, eat something and then,” She winces away from the brown eyes that fall upon her, bloodshot and tired, “I guess we can talk?”

“Talk,” Elizabeth cracks open the box to stare at the heap of cheese and gravy covered food, swallowing back more tears, “About…?”

“You know, fair. I guess we never really did that as kids. Oh, here.” She snatches Elizabeth’s bottle to crack it open for her and hands it back with the lid loose. Elizabeth takes it with a strange look, moving slow like someone thawing after standing in the cold for hours. Her fingers circle around the juice slow to just hold it between both her hands. She stares at it with a furrow to her brow.

“Are you in legal trouble?”

That finally breaks the intense stare down with the juice bottle. She looks over at Avery and Avery almost wishes she had not. The way Elizabeth can drag her into orbit is just as powerful as it was when they were kids if not more so.

“What?”

“You were walking down the street barefoot, I don’t know. I thought maybe? If you are, I’ll totally help hide you from the cops, but I should know now so we can split.”

“Oh,” She takes a slow sip from her juice and replaces the cap, sitting it between the seat and the center console and looking at it now like it is a precious gem, “No. I just got off work and I was doing some things before I was planning to change. When I left, I was…upset. So I…”

Avery nods and leans an elbow on the window, itching to pull a cigerette from her coveralls. She cranks the window down and squints at a dog running across the street to chase a raccoon behind a dumpster.

“Must have been pretty upset.”

“My fiancé kicked me out.”

Avery whips her head over to gape at pretty, brokenhearted Elizabeth Beck glumly poking a bite of hash browns with her fork. There is a small twitch to her scrunched-up nose that Avery can recognize, even after all these years, means she is angry but does not want to appear angry. Because if she gets angry, she will start crying and she hates crying.

“Do you have any makeup wipes in here?”

“Um,” She gives the woman an uneasy smile and gestures toward her own clean face, “No.”

“Right. I left my purse.”

“I have some Gojo.”

A wretched, broken laugh cracks through some of the ice forming over Elizabeth. She looks into the backseat that has all the jackets Avery owns back there with spare work boots in a box and gloves, assorted tools, and a bottle of hand cleaner.

“No offense sweetie but I’m not putting that on my face. Could you just hand me some of the napkins from the bag?”

Elizabeth takes them and issues a quiet thanks before pulling down the visor to use the mirror. Watching her wipe and blot at her runny makeup is a bit surreal too. Somehow it transports her to youth when Elizabeth would do this smiling after their kissing had smudged her lipstick. There had been sweetness when she had come at Avery with the wipes to get the smears of lipstick off her neck. ‘If my mama finds out what I’ve been doing in your car, she’ll skin me alive.’ Back then Avery had been riding the high of kissing the prettiest girl she had ever seen so she had just given her a dopey grin and let her do whatever she wanted.

Avery watches her with a strange feeling building up in her chest that is progressively getting tighter. She clears her throat and looks out the window.

After she shuts the visor and beginning to eat, the silence grows thick and unpleasant. Elizabeth seems to be shaking off the habit for propriety to sink fully into her shock. Tines from the fork stab through the yolk of an egg just to watch it bleed gold, running over the slope of potatoes onto round discs of fried ham. Her eyes move past her food to look at her scraped feet.

“I have work tomorrow.” She says sullen and flat. The tone makes it clear she did not say it to start a conversation or that she even meant to say it out loud. Avery looks down at the dirty and scraped feet and thinks of the woman crumpled on a bus stop bench. Of the absence of her purse where surely her cellphone and wallet are.

“Do you have anywhere to stay?”

“I—“ Without warning or provocation, the tears return with a vengeance. Sounds of wet sobs echo off the roof making them sound louder than they are. Elizabeth draws her knees to her chest and breaks apart.

Giving comfort is a great desire of hers she has never learned how to do. Try as she might, the words never come and she makes the situation worse by sitting there quietly torn by her own indecision. That is why she grew into the habit of acting instesd of speaking. If actions speak louder than words then she has always relied on the hope that this gives comfort where her tongue fails.

Sobs cut out from the rumble of the engine roaring to life. Elizabeth looks over with a red face, cheeks wet from tears, to give her a teary look of confusion.

“Where are you taking me?” Elizabeth asks after Avery pulls onto the street.

“My place. You’re staying with me.”

A sharp breath is drawn through Elizabeth’s red nose, “Oh, Avery honey, you do not need to—“

“Here, can you put your address in this for me?” Avery swiftly interrupts because this is not something she plans to argue about. Elizabeth takes her phone with a confusion that is palpable. Her pink nail polish has little ice cream stickers on them that tap against Avery’s dark black phone case covered in skulls.

“Why?”

“I’m gonna go get your shit after I drop you off.”

“Avery,” Elizabeth opens and closes her mouth, struggling it would seem to find a response, and finally settles on a wretched, “You don’t need to do any of this for me.”

She is firm and stark because she means it and believes it with her whole heart, “Yes I do.”

Elizabeth is silent for the entire ride after typing in the address. She drops the phone in a cup holder and turns away to look out the window. This time she sniffles and tries to hide the fact that she is crying.

Avery’s apartment is a tiny studio that is not prepared to receive such hallowed company. A few of her skateboards by the door get a kick to move them before Elizabeth can see them. Laundry that she meant to fold and then forgot about is still piled on the end of the couch. A small green velvet sofa that she got second hand with an ex-girlfriend and has kept with her since she was twenty-three. Everything is condensed for the space. A small living room so cozy furniture that is compact and short, made to fit into one tiny corner. A small kitchen that is cluttered with books and spice racks, utensils and cutting boards. More things are stacked atop her short, ancient fridge that has menus stuck to the front with magnets she gets at bars and a to-do list she keeps forgetting about. The coffee table under the window near the kitchenette is covered in the vacuum cleaner pieces. Avery had to take it apart because she accidentally vacuumed up her nephew’s hot wheel. Halfway through the project she got distracted by something else and forgot to ever put the thing back together. Behind the living area is her disheveled bed with all pillows knocked about. Her black kitten is stretched over the trout shaped body pillow fast asleep. A silly thing that her nephew needs to fall asleep when she babysits him. The white rack beyond the bed is a mess with hangers bundled to one end and her jeans draped over the top instead of hung up.

“Um, I’m sorry it’s so small,” She hurries past Elizabeth to brush Lego pieces off the coffee table into the box on the floor that, for some reason, has her fidget toys and W-2’s inside, “And messy. I swear I clean.”

Elizabeth starts to speak, no doubt to say something kind that will brush off the mess, but her voice dies part way. Instead, she walks around hugging herself to look at things. A strange look crosses her face when she steps onto the rug in front of the stove that looks like a fried egg. And another when she looks up at the herbs drying on strings hung from the ceiling light. Fresh ones that Avery’s grandmother grows in her garden. She sits down on one of two chairs around the dinning table, staring at the wall.

“Avery, this—are you sure, honey? I don’t want to intrude. I mean, do you,” She looks toward the open door of the bathroom by the bed and looks ready to cry again, “Is there anyone else here?”

Avery pauses where she is standing in the middle of picking up cat toys and subtly jamming her sports bras deep in the pile of clothes. They stare at one another while she slowly starts chuckling.

“Beth, does this place look like someone with a girlfriend lives here?”

Elizabeth looks over at the calendar tacked to the wall with a half naked woman sprawled across the hood of a classic sports car. Then to the little cactus she is nursing to health sat upon a stack of unopened Lego projects. In the corner by the umbrella stand, a child sized guitar is leaned against Avery’s acoustic. Strewn across the table with the vacuum parts are Polaroids of Avery holding babies and toddlers, with family members and friends. Elizabeth pinches one between her thumb and finger, staring at it for a long quiet moment. She turns it around to show the image of Avery sitting against her sister-in-law’s side with a baby in Avery’s arms.

“Oh no, that’s my brother’s wife. And my nephew from a while back, after he was born. I was going to make this cool collage and then I got bored halfway through the project.”

Elizabeth’s eyebrows raise, “You’re in contact with your family?”

“Just him and grandma. And my uncle sometimes when he’s in town. We usually just drink and talk about our shit childhoods. Which reminds me, do you want a beer?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth breathes then winces and starts shaking her head to stop Avery from going to the fridge, “No. I can’t have any.”

“Work?”

“No,” She deflates in front of Avery’s eyes, getting so small it looks like she is trying to vanish, “I’m pregnant.”

Anger does not touch upon Avery Hew often. Jokes have always been lobbied at her about being a gentle giant who could kill a man bare handed if she wanted but instead she offers a graceful smile and even lends a hand in aid. The easy going, gently flowing river that is her soul does not get bothered by things easily or often. To knock the easy going Avery Hew off her usual kilter into a dark place of rage takes a lot.

She feels anger stirring inside within a blink after hearing this.

“Your fiancé kicked you out and made you walk down the road barefoot to catch a bus while you’re pregnant with his kid?”

Because of how rare her anger is, the surprise Elizabeth displays at the icy tone is to be expected. Though it still feels surreal that Elizabeth Beck is in her house remembering things about her.

She shifts uncomfortably in her chair, reaching up to nervously toy with her hair. The little scrapes on her reddened feet now make Avery grit her teeth.

“Actually, he threw me out because I’m pregnant.”

Never in her life could she imagine Elizabeth to be the sort of woman who cheats. Even when they were teenagers fooling around and not really dating, Elizabeth had never gotten an actual partner. She had not even looked at anyone else let alone spent any kind of time with them.

“I didn’t cheat or anything,” Elizabeth quickly adds almost like she could imagine what Avery was thinking, “The baby is his.”

More anger surges to life.

“Then what’s his fucking problem?”

Elizabeth cannot meet her eyes. Shame hangs like a cloud over her head which only makes Avery more angry. It does not seem, to her, that Elizabeth has anything to feel bad about.  

“He has a girlfriend, apparently. He had her before he had me, and I guess I was just the one that was worth being his bride. But a baby would be harder for him to hide than a marriage. Make that make sense,” She deflates, dropping her head into her hands, and starts to cry again, “What am I going to do? Now I have to get tested, oh lord. How do I tell Mama about any of this? I spent so much money on that damn weddin’ and now…Lord, I’m such a fool.”

Avery cannot recall the last time she was angry like this. Even when she got into that fight that ended with her getting arrested and put on probation, she had not been this angry. 

Elizabeth looses a hiccuped sob and looks up at her standing next to the dining table, “I’m real sorry I dragged you into all this, honey. I’m such a fuckin’ mess, I don’t know where I went wrong. Everything was fine until suddenly it could not be worse.”

That just makes her more angry. How could anyone make sweet, pretty Elizabeth Beck feel like this? Elizabeth who has never had a mean thing to say about someone and who goes out of her way to help someone if they need it. Elizabeth Beck who was the first person Avery fell in love with is sitting in her kitchen, sobbing and pregnant and scared, because of a selfish, cruel man.

She folds her arms across her chest, “Where were you going to go?”

Elizabeth sobers slightly because of the surprise topic change. She wipes her tears on the sleeve of Avery’s coat she still has on.

“What?”

“At the bus stop.”

“Oh, that. Home I s’pose. I kind of ran blindly ‘cause I was hurtin’ and I just needed my Mama. But I got to the bus stop and realized my life is here. I can’t just leave. So I sat down and then you came along to save me,” She sniffles and tries to give Avery a smile, “Some things never change.”

It has been such a long time since she has heard that sweet drawl that used to make her warm all over. Since she has seen the sincerity in those eyes that would look at her like she was something to eat and something to treasure. Now she is here. In Avery’s home and she is broken and in need.

Unable to say anything that would be comforting, she says instead firmly, “You live here now. Okay?”

Elizabeth chokes on a breath and starts shaking her head, “Honey, I appreciate you, but I can’t—“

“You have nowhere else to go and you’re pregnant. Your life is here. You’re gonna stay with me and if you wanna leave once you get on your feet, that’s cool. But I’m—so I’m going to go get your wallet and your phone and your shoes now. We can get your actual stuff later. Cool?”

Elizabeth sits in stunned silence so Avery decides that is an agreement.

“Cool. I’ll be back in a bit. Take a shower if you want, my clothes and towels and stuff are clean. Everything is…you know, around. I’m sorry, I’ll clean.”

She pulls alongside the curb of a very nice house with a small yard out front and wooden fence. Wind chimes jangle from the modest porch that hold a certain charm she knows Elizabeth is the culprit of. Avery stomps her way up the small path in dark work boots with thick rubber soles. Her work uniform still has the red swirling cursive over the pocket that says Avery. After she knocks and the door is opened, the prim man squints at that name tag.

To her, he looks entirely average because he looks like every blond-haired blue-eyed man she has ever seen. Not quite as tall as her but broad and built like a football player. All angles that are classically handsome, well kept and clean. His dress shirt is still tucked into charcoal slacks, but the top few buttons are undone, and the tie is in his hand.

“Can I help you? Are you with some company or something?”

“Nah man. I’m Beth’s friend, I’m here for some of her shit. Phone, keys, shoes. I’ll come back for the rest later. Move.”

He does move but only to block the door by planting a hand on the door jam and making a bar with his arm. There is a shift in his expression when he does not see Avery become intimidated. Knowing that this means he frequently uses his size to intimidate women sets her on edge.

“I know all of Liz’s friends and you’re not one of them.”

“We went to high school together.”

“Right. Can you prove that? Call her.”

Avery points at the cellphone she can see laying in a dish on a table by the door, “Are you fucking stupid? Clearly you’re fucking stupid but are you fucking stupid?”

He looks over his shoulder at the table where Elizabeth’s purse is toppled onto its side and a few things have rolled out. There is a slim jacket hung on the peg and the loudly pink shoes on a mat just beneath it.

He turns back around with a mean look and waves a few fingers toward the sidewalk, “Tell her to come get it herself.” 

“Look man, I’m not here for this macho guy shit. My friend is sitting in my house right now with fucked up feet because you kicked out your pregnant fiancé without shoes. She’s been through enough of your shit for today.”

“I don’t know you.”

“So just fucking watch me then if you think I’m some kind of thief. I don’t care! I’m just here for her shit she needs for work.”

She grabs his wrist to pull his arm out of the way and force herself inside.

“You’re not coming in my house!”

Her boot slips on the welcoming mat from the hard shove he gives her.

“Go back and tell Liz that if she wants her shit, she needs to come get it herself. Not send some—“

Her fist connects with his jaw. When he stumbles backward into the house, she moves with him to get inside. A loud crash comes from his body hitting a shoe rack that knocks over a handful of shelves. By the time he gets back up, she has the purse and is bending over for the shoes. Before she leaves, she bends down and hits him again in the mouth.

His eyes are bleary, barely clinging to consciousness, but still alert. Blood is dotting his chin from the split she put in his lip.

She points at him from where she is crouched above him, “That is for being the kind of prick who cheats and throws out his woman when she’s pregnant with his kid. Without shoes on, dude. You’re a piece of shit. Like, scum of the earth kind of piece of shit. I don’t know who raised you but they did a fucked up job. Get some fucking therapy or buy a sports car. That’s usually what dudes like you do. Whatever.”

“I’m calling the cops! I’m—“ He kicks out lamely from the floor to hit her back. His heel glances off her shin, making her ankle sting but nothing more than that.

“Alright.” She closes the door behind her and gets in her car to leave.

Sleep that night does not come quick. Elizabeth paces the bedroom pinching her nose while arguing with Marcus on the phone. Every time she hangs up, she apologizes to Avery who has elected to sleep on the sofa. Then the phone rings again and the fight starts anew. At a certain point she falls asleep from sheer exhaustion.

Elizabeth slipping into her shoes wakes her up. They both startle at the sight of each other awake and present in the room.

“Oh, last night was real. That’s wild.”

Elizabeth, in the same pair of clothes as yesterday, gives her a tired smile, “Sorry.”

“No, you don’t be sorry. You’re good. Not your fault,” She yawns as she stretches her arms above her head, “Going to work?”

“Yeah. Sorry to wake you up. I try to get up early in case the bus is running late.”

Avery is half asleep so she stumbles over this concept. 

“The bus?”

Elizabeth pauses by the small mirror by Avery’s door to check her makeup and quickly pull her hair into a braid. In high school, she had a bob cut that sat at different lengths. Now with it being so long, she looks almost different because of the way it accents the fact that she is an adult woman. It also makes her look a bit like her mother but she suspects Elizabeth would not like to be told that.

“Mhm. Marcus used to drive me to work since he said there was no point in both of us having a car.”

“That’s fucking stupid. Dumb prick.”

Brown eyes shift in the mirror to watch Avery rise from the couch. There is a strange emotion in them she cannot discern before Elizabeth looks away.

“I talked him out of pressing charges,” The look now is stern and disappointed but not angry or judgmental, “You shouldn’t have hit him.”

“I’m not sorry. You know how Grandma raised me. Men don’t act like that. Not real ones anyway. And sure it was his house and I was a stranger but fuck ever. He’s lucky I only popped him once. Twice, whatever.”

Elizabeth clearly fights of a smile by biting into her lip, “That doesn’t excuse violence, Avery Charlotte.”

“Oh,” She winces as she sits up, “Not the middle name.”

“You really shouldn’t have hit him. He…holds grudges.”

“Whatever. Hey, come sit back down. Let me make you breakfast.”

“You could have lost your job. If you had been arrested, it wouldn’t have been worth it. And I’m sure he is already on the phone calling your boss right now. It says on your uniform the name of the shop you work at. I’d have felt absolutely terrible, sweetheart.”

Avery gestures toward the table again, “It was worth it, and it wouldn’t have been your fault. Come on, come sit. I’ll take you to work.”

“You’ll,” Elizabeth has an uncanny ability to make herself seem very small that Avery cannot remember her having from their childhood, “You don’t have to do that. I’ve taken the bus plenty of times.”

“Where do you work?”

Behind her, she hears the squeak of Elizabeth’s shoes and the scrape of a dining chair being pulled out.

“Do you know that school by the bank?”

“Oh yeah. Lincoln public something whatever.” She cracks open the fridge to collect the small container of blueberries and stops when her fridge is mostly empty. After closing it, she frowns at the to-do list and the item near to the top that says grocery shopping.

“Avery, sit down honey. Since you’re awake and I have a little bit of time, let’s talk a second.”

She stops in front of the stove with a bowl of eggs. The whisk is cool between her fingers and the smell of a pan warming up some oil tickles her nose.

“Are you alright?”

“No, not really,” Elizabeth blinks, evidently surprised at herself for being so honest, “But I want to talk about all this real quick.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Well, first, I don’t really know how to thank you,” Avery nearly jumps from her own skin when Elizabeth reaches across the table to take her hand, clicking her tongue in disappointment when she surveys the bruises on her knuckles, “I appreciate you defendin’ me and taking me in. It really is just like that you. Your wrist feel okay?”

Avery just nods, watching Elizabeth’s thumb probe the edge of the bruises on her knuckles to feel for anything off. When she is satisfied, she gives the back of Avery’s tattooed hand a pat.

“Second, I’m gonna talk to some folks at work today. I’ll see if I can stay with one of them until I can get a new place. While I appreciate what you did for me, you don’t need to…deal with all this. I shouldn’t have brought any of my drama into your life. You’re such a sweetheart that you jumped straight in ‘cause you’re Avery Hew and that’s what you do. But really, I ain’t your problem and it ain’t right of me.”

Avery frowns deeply, leaning back in her chair with her arms folded.

“And third I’m real sorry this is how we met again. It is really good to see you. I kept tellin’ myself that someday I’d look you up and we’d get together again over a lunch or coffee or somethin’. I still can’t believe I’m sitting in your kitchen, to be honest. After you saw me runnin’ down the street crying like a fool. Lord. I’m such a mess,” Elizabeth takes her glasses off to wipe away a few tears and pointedly keeps her head bowed, “Bet you never expected me to turn out like this.”

“Beth,” The head lifts because there is a look in those eyes, surprise and something guarded that makes Elizabeth very focused on just Avery alone, “Sorry. No to the nickname?”

“No, it’s fine. It just surprised me. It’s been a while since anyone has called me that.”

“Okay. Beth, look. You need help and I’m here. It’s as simple as that.”

“Avery, I am pregnant, and I don’t know how long it might take to get back on my feet. I spent a lot of my savings on the wedding because he and I agreed to split costs and anything extra we wanted—my point is, I’m in a fairly tight spot at the moment. If I didn’t have the baby to worry about, it might be different. I don’t know how long it might take, and you don’t have to do this for me. We haven’t spoken in years. You shouldn’t, honey, you shouldn’t have to do any of this. And I’m real sorry I put your good heart in that spot where you feel like you need to because you don’t.”

“Beth, no offense, but you’re only giving me more reasons why I should and I’m getting a little worked up about it,” Avery looks around her humble home that is filled with years of memories and love, “It’s tiny and shit but I’m not kicking you out. Don’t go do a bunch of couch surfing shit while you’re trying to pay for hospital bills and baby vitamins or whatever and save for a place. Like, I’m here. Let me help. I want to help. Besides you just told me you don’t have a car, and I know you’re gonna need to get around and I’m not really cool with the idea of you riding around struggling do all this shit the hard way. Just stay.”

Tears well up in Elizabeth’s eyes, “Avery…”

“It’s not a big deal.”

Elizabeth chokes on a laugh, tears rolling down her face, “Yes it is. Could you stand up?”

“Breakfast, shit. I need to finish it—“

“Are you sure?”

She frowns, looking over at the mixing bowl she left on the counter, “I mean, if you don’t want an omelette, I could do something else. Don’t know what I got but I am the queen of making shit out of nothing.”

“Avery, about me.”

“Oh. Yeah dude, for sure.”

A breath comes out when Elizabeth collides with her. Thin arms squeeze around her ribs to hug her as close as physically possible. It takes her a moment to unthaw before she can return the embrace.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. I haven’t forgotten what you did for me in high school. Maybe this is a way I can say thanks.”

Elizabeth squeezes her tighter, “You’re something else, Avery Hew.”

On the first weekend they share together in the tiny home, Elizabeth surprises her. That does not make it a big event because having Elizabeth there at all is still a surprise. Avery is not used to sharing her space for prolonged periods of time. Not with another woman and not with the woman that she was head over heels for as a kid.

They keep bumping into each other. Outside of the bathroom when Avery finishes a shower and Elizabeth is curled up on the bed sobbing. In the kitchen when dishes are finished, and they both have their own way of storing different items. Elizabeth keeps literally bumping into her when they come around pieces of furniture because she is not used to the space.

Both of them keep giving each other starry eyes that speak of a deep disbelief. Somehow, after years of distance, Elizabeth Beck is living in her home. Without much time to think about it or process it because Avery jumps into things feet first.

“Good morning Avery,” Elizabeth says wearing an apron and gestures for her to come sit at the dining table, “I made breakfast. I wanted us to to talk.”

Talking is her nemesis. She approaches the table in her socks that Elizabeth looks down at then looks away again. There is almost a smile.

“Is everything okay?”

“Oh,” Elizabeth has turned away to start dishing up a plate of homemade biscuits and gravy, “Sure, sweetheart. I just wanted us to…talk. Catch up.”

Avery almost crawls out of her own skin when Elizabeth sets the plate down in front of her. With a fork and knife and then a glass of water too. The last time someone served her a meal like this, in her own home, had been when she was a child.

“I—what’s the matter?”

Avery looks up at Elizabeth who has stopped to watch her reaction, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Make breakfast?”

“Bring it to me. Sit down, please. You’re the pregnant one. Here take mine, I’ll get my own.”

Elizabeth pushes on her shoulder to make her stay seated, smiling in full view this time, “Hush. Sit right here, I mean it now.”

Avery grips the fork, looking down at the plate then back to Elizabeth dishing herself up. Avery does not know how to sit down and let someone take care of her.

“I can—“

“Avery Hew. Sit.”

When Elizabeth comes back there is another plate balanced in her hand laden with sliced fruit and scrambled eggs with cheese and ham in them. Toast with little jars of peach marmalade and honey. They sit quietly while Elizabeth spreads some on toast and takes a dainty bite.

Avery realizes the woman had to have gone shopping.

“Sorry, I should have gotten all this.”

Elizabeth spears her fork through some eggs and drags them through the gravy, “Honey, I live here now too.”

Something inside her always melts, just a little, when Elizabeth’s accent curls around the word honey.

Maybe this is a good place to start but she does not know how to. This talk Elizabeth wants to have needs to be run by her with Avery occasionally agreeing or disagreeing to things.

“I’m grateful for you.”

That is not what she expected to hear.

Avery saws through the fluffy biscuit under the steaming country gravy, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Course you did. You could have just drove on by and let me be a mess. Instead you did the Avery thing and you let a near stranger move in with you and you haven’t even asked for anything yet.”

Another akward thing she has been trying to avoid bumping against. They are strangers but they are not at the same time. They know who each other were, have spent countless nights with each others family, and yet are total strangers as adults.

“Asked for what? You don’t owe me anything.”

“Well, if I’m staying here I ought to help pay for things. Don’t you want to talk about that?”

Avery really does not. This is all very adult and feels very rude to dump on Elizabeth when she welcomed the woman in here to help her. Doing this makes it feel like there was an ulterior motive all along. Of course because she knows Elizabeth, some of who she was and expects of her character helped who she became, she knows the woman will not accept this. If one kind thing is done, then another must be done to answer for it. Besides, this is the way roommate situations work.

Glumly she shrugs and chomps down on an apple slice.

“We can talk about what you want to split costs on and who is in charge of what. I’d also like to pay you for gas since you’ve been driving me around.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

Her bones nearly jump out of her body when Elizabeth Beck reaches across the table to squeeze her hand, “I see you haven’t grown out of that.”

“Out of what?”

“You being so self reliant that you want to help everybody around you, but you don’t know how to let people help you. And honestly, hon I’m not even helping you. This is just what I should be doing—“

“Yeah.”

“—if I’m going to stay here. So—“

“I know. It just feels weird.”

Elizabeth chews on the corner of her lip, staring at her plate, “It kind of is. I was even thinking about you the other day and here you are. All I needed to do was have my entire life fall down around my head, I suppose.”

“About me?” Avery shovels her fork through a chunk of biscuit into gravy and stabs some eggs into her mouth before she had even finished chewing. She looks up and realizes she is being watched and that makes her choke down the food. Grandma Hew used to tell her to eat like a lady, not a starved animal.

Elizabeth has enough grace to hide her laugh behind a napkin.

“I didn’t do anything really. After school I mean. I left and traveled around for a while. Went from coast to coast actually before I came here and settled down.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a mechanic.”

Elizabeth makes a soft sound of interest, “Not a chef?”

“What?”

“You used to tell me how you wanted to open your own bakery some day.”

Truth be told, she had forgotten about that. About the nights when they would lay out together in the back of Avery’s car and camp out in fields, watching stars through the windows. Elizabeth would lay on her chest while she spelled out a brighter future for herself that she never imagined she would actually get to have. Working with flour and butter to make things that would put a smile on people’s faces. She did not think Elizabeth would remember that.

“Oh, ah, I guess it just didn’t work out. I ended up falling in love with cars and then I met this real nice family who married me into their business. It’s been really nice.”

“That’s wonderful Avery. I’m glad to hear it.”

She gestures to Elizabeth with her fork, “What about you? Are you a doctor now?”

“No, no. Wow, you remembered. That’s…that’s just like you. No, it ended up not really working out for me either. I teach tenth grade science. You know, I started all geared up for medical. I had big plans of being a doctor but…I was staring down the barrel of years and years of schooling and then residency and I just lost my nerve. It happens, I s’pose. Feels a little embarrassing admitting it still. Anyway, when I shifted gears, I felt a lot happier. I was throwing up a lot, from stress. My grades were great but that’s because I was worrying myself to the bone. After I graduated, I surfed around a bit until I landed this job. I love it, really. I love my kids.”

Avery nods, impressed, “You still got to work with kids.”

Elizabeth’s smile could power the whole block, “Yeah. It’s really great.”

“How did you end up with,” She flings a hand over her shoulder to gesture down the street, “the plainest, most boring man I’ve ever seen?”

Soft coughing into the napkin from a sudden intake while she has food in her mouth. Elizabeth’s looks over while tapping her chest, eyes wet and wide, “Avery!”

“No offense. He just looks like you found him in a cereal box.”

“He—he’s handsome.”

“In like the most generic way, I guess.”

A whipping sound rings through the jar from Elizabeth using her cloth napkin to snap across Avery’s arm. She jumps from the surprise, not the mild sting. A softness fills the brown of Elizabeth’s eyes she tries to keep off her face so Avery is not rewarded for her behavior.

“Be nice!”

“Sure, whatever.”

“We met in college, the same year I was set to graduate. Once I—I changed schools, I don’t know if I told you that. It was part of my restart. Do you remember—“

“Oh your fancy school you got all those scholarships for because you’re a smartie. I remember.”

The faintest blush beneath a belt of freckles makes them pop, highlighted now by pink. Elizabeth nervously tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and taps the tines of her fork against the lip of her plate.

“So anyway, after I transferred schools, I roomed with some nice folks I met online. And one of them was on the business track and Marcus was his buddy. Long story short, we met at a party, he asked me out to dinner, and it just sort of happened. We had been together for a long while. Long enough to buy a house together which in hindsight was,” Elizabeth rubs her thumb across her forehead, pushing at the wrinkles that appear only when frowns so hard her eyebrows hunker low, “foolish of me. He was a nice man. I loved him. I thought—he had his flaws and we fought and there was some things about him I didn’t like but..,I think I’m rationalizing. I do that, Mama says I do that and I believe her. I don’t know. He was fine. It was…nice.”

“It was nice.” Whatever look is on her face turns the pink of Elizabeth to a darker shade of red. She turns her face down to hide her eyes, shoulders shaking from a swallowed laugh.

“Oh lord, that sounded awful, didn’t it?”

“So he’s a Macy’s mannequin who treated you like shit?”

“No! I mean…sometimes he was a bit much. I don’t like to complain. Stop it with your face, Avery Charlotte. He was a decent man, most of the time.”

“Most of the time. I bet your mom hated him.”

“Mama…Mama thought he would make an alright husband. Sometimes,” Guilt looks strange on Elizabeth who remains a firefly in Avery’s memory, lit up and one of those childhood wonders you hold in your hand gentle and everlasting, “But that’s mostly cause I…omitted a lot of stuff I dealt with. I knew she’d overact a bit. Daddy hated him. Mama used to say he made good money, and he was handsome, and I was happy, and that sort of thing makes a decent husband. Daddy would just shake his head ‘cause you remember how protective of me he is. Really, he was…he was fine. I loved him even if he was hard to love sometimes.”

She feels her smirk turn to a frown when she reaches for her juice, “What’s he do?”

Elizabeth spins her fork through the air, “He’s a financial analyst for a hedge fund company downtown.”

“Hedge fund? Christ, he’s soulless. No wonder he looks like that.”

“I’m going to hit you with my shoe.”

“Does he do bitcoin?”

Elizabeth blanches, “Don’t ask me that. Stop laughing!”

“Are you sure you want to keep this kid? Now that you’re free of him, you should run and never look back. He won’t be able to afford child support with the power bill he has.”

One hand drops, as it always does, to touch her belly when the baby is mentioned. Reaching already for the child that will become Elizabeth Beck’s whole world. A queasy smile is shown but the hand is reverent where it is placed.

“Course I want them. I just haven’t worked out how it’s all going to pan out yet.”

“Think he’s gonna want custody? ‘Cause you should tell him to fuck off. After he kicked you out like that. Some bullshit.”

“I dunno yet. Part of me hopes not but I don’t want my little one to resent me when they get older and ask after their daddy, you know?”

Avery nods, understanding the full scope of issues a child can have with an absent or terrible father growing up.

“But how bad was it, really? Because you,” Avery gestures to the whole of Elizabeth with the end of her fork, “Can find a new baby daddy like tomorrow. Kid doesn’t need to know.”

“Oh that’s—Avery Charlotte! That’s horrible! You-you’re—“ Elizabeth buckles over the table in a fit of laughter that she tries very hard to fight off. Tears squeeze past her closely shut eyes that she wipes away with the heel of her palm, smearing her carefully applied mascara.

Avery finds herself quite pleased with the image and for that reason considers the idea that it should be odd. They met again after years apart to the sight of Elizabeth in tears with that same black smudge smudged over her eyelids, running down her cheeks. Only then, it had been anguish and a shock not yet fully set in. Now delight springs from her tongue, ringing like the first struck cords of a music that will change the way her soul sits in her body. It does not just feel good to see Elizabeth laugh this hard. It feels superb to be the root cause of such joy.

Still wheezing softly, wiping at her eyes with her napkin, Elizabeth beams at her, “I dunno why but that tickled me.”

“You probably just needed a good laugh.”

“I did. Lord, I really did,” Elizabeth is still smiling when she drops her face into her open palm and sighs in a way that sounds like part of her anchored soul is being ripped out, “I have no idea what I’m going to do. I don’t know what my life is. I feel like I’m living as another woman. I…I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”

Avery sets her fork down, stomach now upset by the space left after all the airy thrill of making Elizabeth laugh. She still feels the clouds of this odd sky they have fallen into. No ground beneath their feet, free falling into the strangeness of meeting again then becoming roommates and there is the issue of the child. Avery understands. More so, she can empathize with how much worst it must be for Elizabeth.

“You can take the utilities,” She clears her throat when Elizabeth lifts her head, confused at first then softening as she understands what Avery is offering, “If you want. And we can split groceries. I’ll cover rent and yanno internet and all that shit. Unless you want to do an even split. Well, no. I’m not letting that happen. You’ve got doctor shit to pay for now and a teacher’s salary is fucked up. Just take the utilities. That cool?”

Outside the window, the roar of a motorcycle ripping down the street bounces off the windows. Birds sing early in the morning, greeting one another and the rising sun. Somewhere beyond all that is a host of screaming and laughing children. Elizabeth reaches across the table to lay her hand over Avery’s and squeeze it.

“You hardly changed at all. You’re still perfect,” She draws her hand back, leaving an absence that makes Avery’s hand prickle, “That sounds fine by me.”

“Sick. When are you gonna tell your mom?”

Elizabeth shrivels in her chair, profusely shaking her head, “I’m not. Not yet. I cannot yet. I just cannot.”

“She’s gonna send a SWAT team if you ignore her for too long.”

Something shines in Elizabeth’s face when she looks at Avery and softly says, “It’s…you remember how she is. That’s so…that makes my heart melt a little.”

Avery just frowns in confusion, “I spent most of my summers at your place and a lot of weekends?”

“I know, I know. It’s just—it’s nothing. Never mind. That was just sweet is all. And it’s fine, I’ll call her when I’m ready.”

“I don’t have the insurance we’ll need to cover whatever happens when she kicks down our door because her baby isn’t calling her.”

Elizabeth waves her off, “Hush you.”

It gets knocked off the fridge. When she closes her fridge after collecting some eggs to make Elizabeth brownies—not that she asked, she was muttering about sweets and Avery heard—she nudges it with her shoulder. Blinking in confusing at the sound of a magnet hitting the floor and fluttering paper. She had not noticed when Elizabeth put it up.

On it, between the Monday and the Wednesday square, Elizabeth has made a note about a doctor’s appointment. The Tuesday that is marked happens to be the same Tuesday they are in presently. Holding eggs in one hand and a small calendar in the other, she goes to the island diving the kitchen from the living room.

“Hey Beth?”

Elizabeth looks over, shaped under blankets, where she is watching television from the couch. A few papers are strewn around her because she brought some tests home to grade.

“Yeah, honey?”

“You have a doctor’s appointment in two hours?”

“Oh,” Elizabeth now looks confused too, “Yes? I’m leaving soon.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I—what honey? Why would I—huh?”

“I would have cleared my schedule,” She frowns at the calendar in her hand, upset with herself for not noticing it sooner.

“So I can drive you? My brother said that women can’t go alone to, ah,” When her sister-in-law had been pregnant, he had spouted off a hundred different things that made his eyes look sunk in and his whole body seemed electrified but he had seem overjoyed, “Whatever it is they do. I asked him for advice. He said to never let you go alone ‘cause it’s like a big thing and he said it can be scary? For women. So you gotta be there to at least hold their hand, bare minimum. Shit, I can still make it though. Let me text—“

Elizabeth stands quickly, abruptly enough that she dumps Bonk off her lap. His tail flicks unhappy as he trots away to lay beneath a chair and mourn the nice warm lap he had been sleeping in. Bells jingle in the wake of his rapid departure. Feet patter from Elizabeth, in bright yellow ankle socks, hurrying across the floor to reach her.

“You absolutely—you asked your brother for advice?”

“I mean, yeah? I don’t know anything and stuff. Oh,” She beams, pointing toward what is technically their bedroom at the moment though they do not share it if at all possible at the same time, “I moved Bonk’s litter box. He told me that’s a big no. And I already got those weird baby things for the outlets. He let me borrow the books he had when his wife was pregnant. I’ve been reading the stuff you’re supposed to eat.”

Elizabeth stalls in front of her. Arms hanging by her side, seeming to be torn between a conflict of emotions because her face rapidly changes between them.

“Most of this shit sounds awful. I feel so bad for you. Grandma Hew said it’s a miracle or whatever and sure I get that but it just kind of seems gross and horror. That thing is gonna eat your teeth dude. Did you know that?”

“Avery.” Elizabeth chokes out while her fingers tug down her sleeves to ball the cuffs against her palm. Light catches the sudden shine of her eyes.

“What? I’m just saying. Not trying to freak you out.”

“Avery! This isn’t your responsibility!”

Blinking from the sudden weight of her confusion, “Are you mad? I overstepped? I’m sorry dude, really. I was just trying to help.”

“Angry? I’m not angry! I’m—“ Without a visual warning that it would happen, Elizabeth begins to cry. Avery absorbs the impact of Elizabeth throwing herself into her chest by falling back a step. They teeter but Avery catches her, wrapping long arms around her shaking shoulders. Elizabeth secured herself by clinging tightly to her waist, beneath the fall of her thick work jacket she has on. Frizzy tendrils of red hair tickle the bottom of Avery’s chin.

“Why are you like this? How are you like this?”

Avery is flummoxed. All she had done was try to be helpful. Elizabeth Beck had come to her in sorrow, weighed down by the grief of a life falling around her as a rainfall of ashes. Of course she is going to do all she can to help. This is the same woman who as a teenager had carefully woven a path for skinny, dejected Avery living in her car a means of getting free meals, occasionally a bed to sleep in, and pocket money to buy new shoes or food with. No amount of time or distance will erase the loyalty she has for this woman.

How is that hard to grasp?

If all her troubles in youth taught her anything it is that help should always be given to those who need it.

“It’s all good, Beth. Don’t cry. It’s not a big deal.”

“No, you don’t understand. Sweet woman, you perfect—it is a big deal. I’ve only been back in your life a few weeks and you’ve already made mine bearable again. You don’t realize what it means to me,” Elizabeth pushes her face into Avery’s sternum, shaking from her sobs, “I’m falling apart. I’m so scared, Avery. I was already terrified when I thought I had Marcus to help and now I’m alone. I don’t know how to tell my family any of this. I feel like—Christ, I can’t do this.”

Avery glances to the mess atop a tiny cabinet she keeps by the door where her keys are tangled in the yarn of a cat toy. She hugs Elizabeth a little tighter.

“Do you want me to take you to—“

“No. I want my baby, I do. I’m just overwhelmed. I feel awful because I’m so grateful for you. I don’t know what I’d have done if you didn’t find me there. I don’t know why you’re so good to me after what I did to you,” The wet sounds of her messy breakdown make Avery give her a sympathetic pat between her shoulders, “I shouldn’t have let us drift apart. This has proved that to me. You’re still the kindest human I’ve ever known.”

When Elizabeth tries to pull away, Avery catches her by the front of her sweater to pull her back in. This time she squeezes the woman in a tight hug, holding her by the back of the head.

“Nah.” Is all she can summon in response to the spilling of her heart.

Elizabeth wheezes out a laugh that sinks past Avery’s ratty shirt to warm her skin.

“It’s not fair that I’m taking such comfort in this and in you. We’ve barely had time to get to know each other again and you’re already reading pregnancy books and promising me I won’t be alone,” A fresh wave of tears seem to rise after she chokes those words out, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Well you didn’t deserve bitcoin Barbie either.”

“Avery.”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to step in and be the one to help! It’s not—we haven’t spoken since my freshmen year of college, honey. You really owe me nothing. You’ve already done so much.”

Sun filtering through the kitchen window warms the back of her neck. Between that and the heat of Elizabeth pressed to her, she feels feverish from the heat. Holding the fragile woman close, she asks, “Do you want to get ice cream after your appointment?”

Which is also how she gently affirms that she will not be persuaded out of this. More so now that she has heard how Elizabeth feels and her stubborn nature digs its heels in. She will be around. She is going to make sure Elizabeth doesn’t feel alone, regardless of how awkward things are right now.

“Yes please.” She says in a choked voice, words cleaved by a sudden sob that starts the crying anew. They stand half in the kitchen, half out, until Elizabeth pulls away to announce that she needs to fix her makeup and rushes to the bathroom.

During the appointment, Avery gets the privlage of sitting on a terribly uncomfortable stool usually reserved for the father. Most of what is discussed flies high above Avery’s head even with the preliminary research she had been doing. Elizabeth nods and gives that polished smile while her eyes hold the terror of a caged beast.

The woman in a pristine white coat gives Elizabeth a sweet smile and asks, “First one?”

Elizabeth’s shoulders, that had been up to her ears, sink fractionally, “Is it that easy to tell?”

Kindly, the doctor swerves around that to say instead, “I’m sure that you and your partner will make wonderful parents.”

“Oh, ah—“ Elizabeth shoots her a look that bleeds guilt and apologies that are too grand to be spoken.

Avery leans forward, elbows perched on her spread legs, “Is it true that babies can’t have water? Won’t they like, die without water?”

The doctor’s eyes light up with mirth, lips turning up into one of those sort of smiles people get when they are charmed by silliness, “Well, no. They really should not have water for the first six months.”

Avery thinks about this with a frown, “What about poptarts?”

Elizabeth’s sudden laughter bouncing of the walls then abruptly cut short when the doctor glances over at her settles Avery back into her seat. Teeth still show through the fingers of Elizabeth’s hand after she slaps it over her mouth to stop herself laughing. Pleased to see the feral fear gone from her for now, Avery gives the doctor a wink.

She does actually wonder when babies can have poptarts but she does not want the two women with considerably more brains than her to know that. She will ask her brother later.

Marcus watches from the porch with his arms folded over his chest and with an ugly scowl twisting up his boyishly handsome face. Because Elizabeth has yet to tell her family the truth of her situation yet, they come in force with Avery’s brother and Benedict, the nephew of Joel and Avery’s coworker. In Benedict’s enormous truck that Avery frequently teases him over. When they move through the house with boxes to collect items Elizabeth points to, Marcus follows as a dark cloud. Twice he picks fights with her, ripping things out of boxes and flinging his arms into the air when she snaps at him. Once he makes a motion like he intends to grab her arm and Avery jolts into motion. Knowing her so well, her brother is the only thing that stops her from intervening. To his ensuing safety, he backs off in a huff because Elizabeth smacks his hand away to storm off. Through the walls they hear arguing about custody issues and the mortgage and his instance that he will not pay child support and Elizabeth shrieking that she does not care. Benedict shakes his head and Aiden, her brother, keeps his head low but keeps his eyes on the shadows of them moving through the next room.

Elizabeth apologizes, red from shame, when Marcus finally storms off to watch a soccer game in the living room. No one begrudges her. Avery gets a playful scolding for grabbing things at random and then laughs when Avery shrugs and puts it back. Saying, “What does he need it for?”

She tries to help carry boxes to the truck and quickly realizes that of the men and Avery herself who came along, none are willing to let a pregnant woman do heavy lifting. Upon the fourth wasted attempt, she concedes and instead directs them through what to get in the bedroom and folds things into boxes. When it is all done and they have taken the boxes up the stairs into their apartment, Elizabeth gives them each a hug and promises them a cake. Benedict foolishly tries to insist he does not need payment, that he’s always willing to help out, but that only makes Elizabeth dig her heels in and promise to make one for him and his wife. Aiden wisely accepts his payment graciously and even asks Avery to babysit for him.

Once their apartment is empty of bodies but full of boxes littering walkways and stacked near the door, Elizabeth flops onto the couch. She nudges Avery’s thigh with her foot.

“You want a cake too, honey?”

Avery snorts, “I’ll just take some of Aiden’s.”

“No you won’t,” Her head tilts toward the television to watch the woman in a snazzy dress point to the green screen behind her that is showing the forecast, “Avery, thank you for today. And for everything.”

She just shrugs to escape the depth of gratitude that always makes her squirm when it is given to her.

“Want to order takeout?”

Elizabeth gives the kitchen a tired look, arm hanging off the side of the couch, “You should save your money, sweetheart. I’ll cook us supper.”

Avery pulls out her phone, “How’s pho sound?”

Elizabeth’s eyes slide shut, body sinking into the sofa as her body comes into a full stage of relaxation. A soft smile lifts her lips.

Within the latter hours of a night that falls, long Ayer lights have gone out save the silver that hangs upon the black tarp of sky, she is woken. Noises of Elizabeth slipping into shoes and whispering to Bonk to get back from the door. When she jolts up, they stare at each other in muted surprise.

“Beth? What,” Her voice is gravel and broken glass, scratching at her dry throat, “What are you doing?”

“Avery, shoot. I’m so sorry I woke you up, honey. I was tryin’ to be quiet.”

“S’okay,” She rubs the sleep-grit from her eyes with the heel of her palm, “You good? Baby okay?”

“Oh, goodness, yeah. I just, ah…well, to be honest honey, I am starving,” Keys for their front door ring where they are worried between Elizabeth’s anxious fingers, “And I had a craving so I was gonna go get it.”

Regardless of the time, that sounds wrong to her. That is not the way things go.

“I’ll go,” She stumbles as she gets off the couch, yawning on her path to the door, “You stay here where it’s warm. I’ll go.”

Elizabeth tilts her head with her brows drawn together, eyes impossibly soft, “Avery, come on now. You don’t gotta.”

“Yes I do. You’re the pregnant one,” Blindly she plucks a jacket from the rack, “I’m the guy who does stuff.”

Elizabeth’s fingers are cold against the skin of her wrist. Smile sunshine in the night.

“That’s my coat, sweetheart.”

“Oh,” She switched it for her shiny leather one, “What are you craving?”

“Honey.”

Avery squints against the dark, “We have honey?”

“No—goodness, you’re still precious,” Elizabeth reaches to fix the flipped up collar of her jacket, laughing softly under her breath, “You don’t need to do all this. Really, I’m a big girl.”

“Elizabeth, come on. You don’t let a pregnant woman go get her own food cravings in the middle of the night. I’m not a monster. Tell me what you want.”

“You are such an angel. Lord, I am so blessed to be back in your life,” Elizabeth lets out a shaky sigh, lip caught between her teeth, “Fried chicken?”

Avery licks the dryness from the back of her teeth while she blinks to sleep from her, “Okay, got it.”

“Wait,” Fingers snag her jacket by her hips, pulling to keep her from leaving, “Spicy too. Real spicy. And pickles?”

“For sure. On it.”

“Okay,” Elizabeth takes her hands back to tug on the end of her sweater, “Be safe. Thank you.”

Avery sets her fingers on her eyebrow to give a little salute as she stumbles tiredly out the door.

Adjusting to a smaller space with almost no walls to act as room separators is an adjustment for Elizabeth. She can tell because the woman always acts startled when Avery stands up while she is changing by the bed. There is an awkwardness from the woman that makes her pink for hours. She forgets that when she sings while cooking, Avery can hear her and in the same vein when she has phone calls, Avery can hear them.

She is laying in the bed they share now though never at the same time. Somewhere in the apartment the bell on Bonk’s collar jingles. In the living room, the tv is mindlessly droning for background noise while Elizabeth folds clothes. If she cranes her neck, she can see her phone propped against a candle and see Marie Beck’s lovely face.

“Hey Mama.”

“Elizabeth Ophelia Leigh Beck! You haven’t called in weeks! Are you okay? Is everything alright? I was just getting ready to bring your daddy up there to check on you.”

Elizabeth looses an uncomfortable chuckle, “It’s probably good you didn’t.”

Marie sounds incensed, “What’s that mean!? Baby girl, you sick!? Oh honey you do look a little sickly. I’ll get your Daddy up, I’ll bring you up some soup. And some biscuits, I just made some. And the Ozan’s just got in some honey and gave us a few jars.”

“Mama, I’m not sick. It’s,” Elizabeth is mangling a pair of Avery’s grease stained carthartt overalls, chewing on her lip to the point of making it red, “Do you remember Avery Hew?”

The topic change seems to confuse Marie but only for a second, “Course I do. You were head over heels for that girl but gettin’ you to admit it was like pullin’ teeth. I thought for sure you two would be sweethearts forever. I was expectin’ a weddin’. Daddy and I were planning for it.”

“Life happens, Mama. We fell apart because I was gettin’ busy with school, and I probably made her feel awful. Anyway, I’m—I ran into her the other day.”

“Oh goodness! That’s wonderful! How is she?”

“Oh she’s…perfect. Sweet as pie. Still a bit shy in that real cute way and just an angel. Somehow even kinder than she was in school. I,” Elizabeth starts chewing on her thumbnail, rocking back into the sofa to stare at the ceiling, “I’m actually living with her right now.”

“You…honey, what you mean girl? Are you and Marcus fighting again?”

“Mhm,” Elizabeth blows out a long breath and flings her hand up, “Mama we broke up.”

“For good this time?”

“Yep.”

“Sweetheart, what happened?”

“He—oh lord, how do I say this? Mama this is so embarrassin’. I found out he’s been two timing me. This whole time we was together, all three years, he’s had another woman on the side. This whole time.”

Marie Beck looks as furious as a wild fire and twice as dangerous. She rises in the camera frame, shoulders lifting to her ears.

“Are you kiddin’ me!?”

Elizabeth flings her arms out in a bodily shrug, “It’s fine, Mama. I should have seen it coming. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is so a big deal! That pig! The dirty bastard!”

“Mama!”

“Sorry honey, sorry. I just can’t believe it! Oh my sweet girl, you didn’t deserve that. You’re such a sweetheart. I’m so sorry baby.”

Elizabeth makes a strange sound. One that implies she is swallowing back tears.

“Please don’t tell anyone. It’s so embarrassin’. I can’t live with anyone knowing, not yet. I’ve got so much else to worry about right now. You can tell Daddy but don’t…”

Marie coos at her youngest daughter, the baby of seven children who has always been the apple of her eye. Elizabeth sniffles miserably.

“I won’t honey. Our secret. So, you’re staying with Avery? Sweetie, you could come home.”

“I know. I almost did but I can’t commute to work from that far away and I can’t just drop everything right now. If I didn’t love it here and if I didn’t have…this situation to deal with, I’d quit and get a job down there.”

“Situation?”

“Yeah. Mama…Mama, I’m pregnant. Don’t freak out, everything is okay. I got tested the second I knew he was cheating and I’m clean so the baby is okay. And Avery, bless her, she’s been such an angel. She’s been taking me to work and she’s letting me stay here with her. It’s not terrible. I’m already setting aside money, much as I can. It’s going to be okay,” Quietly, almost to herself, she adds, “I hope.”

“You’re pregnant? Liz, baby, you’re gonna be a mama?”

“Yeah. I’m terrified. I don’t know what I’m doing and everythin’ is a mess right now,” She chokes out a laugh, wiping away tears that are rolling down, “I’m gonna be awful.”

“Oh honey all mamas think that.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Sweetie, you’re sure? ‘Bout statin’ up there? If you move down here, we can help. You shouldn’t do it alone.”

“Oh, I’m not,” Elizabeth reaches for a tissue to wipe her nose and gives Marie a shaky smile, “That sweet woman. You know she offered to help me raise the baby? She’s been lookin’ up recipes for baby food and reading up on new parents and I caught her price comparing cribs the other day. I’m not gonna let her take all this on, of course, but lord she’s such a sweetheart. Its helping. Knowing that someone who—that she would be willing to help, and it’s only been a little while.”

“I always said, she was a real good girl. I don’t care what anyone said. Are you two…?”

“Oh lord, Mama no. We’re just friends.”

“Mhm that’s what you said after I caught you two kissin’ out by the woodshed.”

“Mama, stop. You’re makin’ me blush.”

“Alright, hey now. I had to ask. How far along are you?”

“Almost four months now. Got about a week and a couple days left. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Avery rolls over in the bed to turn her back on the conversation she had been eavesdropping on. The air grows considerably lighter after Elizabeth gets the truth out and her mother does not seem angry with her like she feared. They talk about names and money, about the hospital visits and the plan for the birthing procedure. Tears, happy this time, come rushing up with talking of being a grandmother and how Pete is going to cry. 

When the call finally ends, Elizabeth looses a long, relieved sigh. Sounds of the laundry being folded then Elizabeth walking across the floor. She catches the red hair from the corner of her eye slowly come into focus.

Elizabeth jumps after putting a stack of clothes in their dresser, noticing that Avery is watching.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Her eyes flick to the living room, “Did I wake you up?”

“Nah, you’re good,” Hurrying to change the subject before her spying can be found out, she climbs off the bed, “Hungry? I’ll make us lunch.”

Had it been such a big deal to offer her help? Babies are difficult to care for, needy and time consuming and expensive. One person alone can manage the work but it is not a simple task. If they live together and Elizabeth is pregnant, it made sense to her that she should be expected to chip in. Change diapers, wake up in the middle of the night to rock the baby, walk and feed the baby. Had that been wrong? Had she overstepped?

Elizabeth follows her into the kitchen to help, standing by her side so they can make the work faster. When she stands on the tip of her toes, straining and failing to get a cutting board, Avery steps in to help. Reaching over her head, she pulls it down and hands it over without thinking about it.

So why does Elizabeth give her a look like she hung the stars in the sky? Why does Elizabeth always act like Avery is handing over raw gold if she does anything kind?

“How have you been since college, Beth?”

The knife makes a ringing sound from slicing through potatoes, “Fine, I suppose. Just doing what I can.”

Avery thinks that is a strange answer.

“Do you get out a lot? Tons of friends? How,” She tosses a bit of butter into a pan with some of her dried herbs, mindful to keep her back toward Elizabeth, “How were things with Marcus? You never actually said.”

Subtlety, Elizabeth gets clammy and tight. Her smile grows tenfold which only serves as the marker for a falseness claiming her. It reminds her suddenly of the kind of smiles Elizabeth wore at those beauty pageants for high school aged girls she did. The kindness she throws over herself like a safety blanket so no one will look past it to find the hidden feelings inside.

“Great. He was a sweet man. Very handsome. We met at a cocktail party outside of work. That’s where his friend introduced us, my roommate. Weird place for college students to meet, I know. He’s a hedge fund—well, I told you that. He was going to be a lawyer but, well, life happens I suppose. He—“

Avery turns to lean against the counter and folds her arms, giving her dear friend a hard look, “Hey Beth? You don’t need to lie to me. It’s just me. And it’s been a while since we’ve, I dunno, hung out? But I can tell when you’re lying even still.”

There is a very slight tremble in the hand holding the knife. She looks over, just for a moment, then hides her eyes again. A mountain forms of her shoulders.

“Things were…I’m not ever sure, Avery. I haven’t had many relationships to go off. I thought it was fine. Couples fight, that’s what I’ve heard. In college I had a—I had someone, and we fought sometimes. I guess a couple someone—don’t tell Mama. I figured that was safe to base things off, but I don’t know. Because my friends always said he was an asshole. Lord, Nick hates him. I have never seen that woman hate anything with that much effort, I didn’t know she could. And,” Elizabeth fiddles with the end of the knife, tilting her head so her hair hides her face, “I know we were young and stupid, but it wasn’t ever like that with you.”

This gives Avery pause. She thinks of many things to say but all she can manage is, “We were dating, right? Like all senior year at least?”

A winsome laugh curls from the lovely woman wearing her apron and Avery’s sweatshirt. A baggy thing on her that drips off her thin wrists and hangs well past her hips, partly tucked into the waist of her jeans. Joy sparkles in the depths of her eyes.

“I thought about that in college so often. After I graduated, I was shopping and it just hit me. You were my first girlfriend. We just never talked, and we were stubborn and shy. Stupid. I was always afraid that you’d not want me if I asked for something official.”

“Why were we like that?”

Elizabeth rolls her wrist with the knife in hand, snickering, “Teenagers.”

“Teenagers,” She agrees with a shake of her head, “So, how was it really with him? Since I’m sure I’m the only person you’ll be honest with.”

“I don’t want to tell you. I’m afraid you’ll go startin’ fights again and I’ll have to learn how to drive manual to go pick you up from jail.”

“How do you not know already?”

“Well, I drove my Papa Lion’s tractor and sometimes his little work truck around the ranch, but I’ve never done it on the road. And it’s been years.”

Avery adds a fillet to the pan with a pair of tongs and keeps her back to Elizabeth. She does not speak. She simply waits for the woman to open up if she chooses to.

“He was moody. Sometimes I was his girl, his whole world, and other times he couldn’t stand the sound of me. We fought a lot because of his tantrums. Papa didn’t want me to marry him, but I was sure I loved him tons. Like, once, he didn’t talk to me for three days because I didn’t have supper ready for him when he wanted supper served. I was running late ‘cause I missed my bus.”

Avery does not bite out a curse on Marcus’s name for learning this. That he expected Elizabeth to cook when she was working full time and had the gall to be angry with her over it. Instead she simmers quietly in her own anger.

“Did he ever do nice things for you?”

Elizabeth makes an odd, awkward noise at the back of her nose and sounds hesitant in her answer, “We went on dates once a week.”

Avery gives her a look over her shoulder, “That’s not what I asked though.”

“I thought it was nice.”

That answers the question for her and explains quite a bit. It’s not right. Elizabeth is someone who deserves the entire world. She should know she deserves the entire world because so many people fall at her feet trying to give it to her. Yet somehow she has been so spurned by lovers, she accepts dates once a week as a nice thing for a partner to do. That’s why she always looks ready to cry when Avery leaves to go buy what she’s craving. When she got her inserts for her shoes without being asked simply because Elizabeth said her feet were hurting.

Elizabeth expects less than the bare minimum and that’s not right.

“Alright.”

Something pokes her in the lower back, “What? Why’d you say it like that?”

“Nothing. Marcus sounds like he was shit for nothing.”

“He—“

“He cheated on you. Don’t defend him.”

She gets another poke and a soft slap that makes her chuckle, “Avery Charlotte, don’t get snippy with me.”

“Sorry,” She is not all that sorry, she likes when Elizabeth gets riled up, “Hey, I meant what I said about the kid. I’m fully here for you on standby to co-parent or whatever.”

Elizabeth gives her one of those long unreadable looks that always makes Avery’s bones shake.

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself, sweetheart. I can’t let you. It’s bad enough you’re shacked up with a grumpy old pregnant woman.”

Avery twists her nose up and says nothing because she cannot think of any words to say.

Her silence seems to throw Elizabeth off kilter. She tries to smile but her eyes are shinning.

“What if you get a girlfriend?”

Avery shrugs because that’s a silly question.

“She’ll have to like kids. Duh.”

“Avery, honey.” Elizabeth sounds winded. When she looks over her shoulder, she is being watched strangely. Elizabeth stands with her throat bobbing and her hands clenching and unclenching, bracing for something.  

“What? People date people who co-parent with other people all the time. It’s not weird.”

“Right but…Avery, this ain’t your problem.”

“We live together. The idea of you being a single mom makes me mad and the idea of me being here while you’re taking care of a kid and not helping you makes me really mad. Grandma Hew would kill me in the street like a dog. I get how it’s a little unorthodox but also, we live together. You need help. I don’t see the problem.”

“Avery…”

She shrugs, “Do you want to be a single mom?”

“Not if I can help it. I can do it, I’m sure. But it will be hard and—“

“Then let me help. I know I’m not your partner or whatever and that’s more how this goes but I am another person. We know each other. You trust me. I’m not saying you tell the kid I’m its other parent or whatever. I’m just saying I’ll take you to appointments, I’ll build the kid shit, I’ll change diapers. All that good caretaker shit. I can handle it. I’ll even stop cussing as much.”

Elizabeth looks at her then with an intense emotion that is well guarded by walls of an invisible but durable make. Just through the cracks she can see hurt and hope and shame. Everything is so intense though she struggles to pick the different emotions apart as they flash by.

Then tears start to fall like small glittery comets. Sniffling, she wipes them away on sleeve and shakes her head, “You are unreal, Avery Hew.”

Now that the Becks are alerted to the news, they drop in constantly to visit. Pete Beck takes one look at Avery all grown and claps a hand on her back. Without words this is how he conveys his undying gratitude to her for saving Elizabeth from the bleak situation she found herself in. Marie visits at least twice a week which Elizabeth begins to chafe from but she never says it. Avery can just see it in the tight light of her shoulders. Cousins come by with gifts and words of gratitude for Avery and also words of reunion. Bright cheer to see her in their lives again. When she noticed Elizabeth during those times, she looks shy-shaken, sucked into the shadows that pool in the corners of their living room.

It is an odd thing. Time is passing and she is watching the evidence of Elizabeth settle into motherhood. Yet still there seems to be a chasm between them she cannot cross. Just like when they were teens. Something undefined but profound.

On Saturday, she spends most of the day at a friend’s house helping fix one of his broken-down project cars. Long hours spent wrenching, greasing, lifting and painting. When they call it a day, the hour is already late enough that she forgets about her obligations. Not until she is wiping her hands off on a grease rag that smells like oranges from the hand cleaner.

“Shit.”

“What’s up?”

“I said I would make dinner tonight. I gotta cancel on the beers man, sorry.”

“Huh?”

“Long story. Hey,” Avery stops and spins back around, getting tickled by the long-frayed edges of her black cut off shorts, “When you had a kid with your ex, was it scary?”

Her friend is remarkably taller than Avery is which means he looks like someone that should have played basketball. For all his height and muscle, he is a gentle man that speaks in a low, lulling voice and always has a big goofy smile. Missing one tooth from some foray in his youth.

“Definitely. It still is man. She’s just such a little guy and I’m always so worried about how big the world is. I feel like I need to hold her all the time to keep her safe from it,” He gets a fond, faraway look, “I know she’s ten now but that hasn’t changed.”

“I have this situation going on and it’s only been a month, but I sort of walked myself into taking care of this kid that’s on the way. I don’t know how to do that.”

“Oh shit, for real? Like how old are we talking?”

Avery throws the rag down with a breath blown through her nose, “Five months along.”

“Shit,” He crosses his arms and settles on a crate nearby, looking at the sliding doors of the garage in thought, “That’s crazy. What’s up?”

“Oh dude, don’t ask. Her ex is a nightmare. He kicked her out without any shoes on.”

“Are you fuckin’ serious!? While she was pregnant with his kid!?”

“That’s what I said!”

“Nah, that’s fucked up. Fuck that guy,” He kicks over an empty can, face soured by the idea of being in that position and behaving like Marcus had, “Nah, you gotta help out.”

“Right? Okay, I’m not crazy. See, I thought for a second because how she reacted that I was being crazy. But we live together and fuck that guy—“

“Fuck that guy.”

“—and she doesn’t have a car. And it would be weird if I didn’t help? And like I’m not saying it has to be forever. As long as she’s living with me which can be another few months or until the kid is five or until she starts dating someone, I don’t know. I’m just saying, while I’m here, I’ve gotta help, right? But I don’t know shit about being a parent.”

He thinks about this, rubbing his thumb through his short beard, “You had fucked parents, right?”

Avery scoffs, “The most.”

“Yeah, just be the opposite of them. That’s how I’m doing it with my daughter.”

“Huh,” She had not entirely considered that it could ever be that simple, “Okay. I’ll think about that. Thanks dude. Hey, I gotta go for real now though. I told her I’d make dinner and I’m late and that’s such a shithead move.”

“Yeah, for sure. My old woman would kill me. Oh, but hey, when the baby comes hit me up. I’ll buy y’all some dippers or something. Formula. You know, baby gift. It’s how it goes. For the shower or whatever. I don’t remember what it was called.”

“Oh, sure. Thanks!” She waves to him as she rushes out, keys hanging from her fingers.

When she arrives home, grease stained and sweat-slick, she expects to find Elizabeth stewing. Starving and furious that she did not keep a promise made. Instead the woman is snoozing peacefully on the couch with a book slipping off her thigh and Bonk curled into the valley between the couch and her head. The sound of the door snagging against the metal plate in the doorway and clicking shut makes her jolt up, blinking hard. Hair sticking up and drizzled where the cat had been chewing on it.

Slowly her eyes come awake, steadying on Avery standing guilty in the doorway. A sleepy smile lights up her face.

“Oh, Avery, hi. Welcome home,” Then she looks around, seemingly to realize where she has fallen asleep and that light is low, “What time is it?”

“I’m starting dinner now. I got a little—I’m late.”

“Mm. That’s okay honey,” Elizabeth sinks back down into the couch, arm draped behind her, with heavy eyelids, “Do you want help?”

Avery plucks one of the throws off the back of a chair to flick open. Another flick of her wrists sends it through the air in the perfect position to lay over Elizabeth’s knees. With her face half turned into the pillow, Elizabeth smiles sleepily at her.

It shoots an arrow straight through Avery’s quivering heart.

She stretches so she can poke above Avery’s knee with her big toe, “I’ll take that as a no.”

Avery reaches to tug the blanket snug around her feet, giving the protrusion of an ankle bone a soft pat, “Do you still want risotto?”

By way of answering, Elizabeth pushes her face into her pillow to smother the groan that slips out. She had been mentioning for days how she had been craving it and Avery planned to make it tonight as a surprise. Now it is late enough she wants to make sure Elizabeth is willing to wait.

“Okay,” Avery peels off her jacket and throws it into the chair beside the sofa, “I’ll get it started.”

Elizabeth’s eyes are heavy on her back as she walks away.

“It’s so nice living with someone again who can cook.”

“Oh you mean muscles-for-show didn’t know how to cook? Color me shocked.”

“Avery, be nice,” She says but there is a smile in her voice ragged from sleep, “He never learned how, it isn’t his fault.”

Avery thinks decidedly it is his fault and she thinks she really does not enjoy Elizabeth defending the man. But she keeps that to herself.

After a few moments of silence, Elizabeth seems to find the words Avery does not say because she rushes to explain, “He grew up with an in house chef, I guess. He comes from money.”

Again Avery says nothing and again Elizabeth rushes to defend, “And his daddy raised him on some old school ideas. I didn’t agree with all of them but he wasn’t awful about it so I didn’t bother. Besides, I like cookin’.”

Not for the first time since their reunion, she wonders what happened to Elizabeth Beck to send her into the arms of a man like Marcus. They spent enough time together as teenagers for her to know that Pete Beck was an instrumental figure in her life. Knowing for herself that Pete had intentionally showed the type of man he was so that his girls would understand the type of men they should look for. She knows that Elizabeth had adored her father and had listened to his every lesson about what to expect and what not to tolerate. With his sons, he was firm because he would not allow them to become the very same scum he wanted to protect his daughters from. Good loyal men who will not treat their partners like surrogate mothers. Avery knows he drew a very hard line about that because he told her as much, when she would work with him and he thought at first she might like men. When she teary—coming out had always been hard for her, since the incident with her parents—told him about her inclination, he had just grunted and told her to not go for women with a similar mindset and told her he expected her to live up to his standards too. Such talks she suspected she received because he must have noticed how Avery hung on his daughter’s every word and followed her around like a puppy. With his daughters, he raised them strong and unyielding and unforgiving.

Yet somehow his baby had ended up with the very kind of man he loathes. One who Elizabeth feels the need to defend.

When she looks over her shoulder, Elizabeth is seen sitting up now. A deep frown warps her angelic beauty, dressing her in a cloud of shame unnatural to her. She picks at the blanket anxiously, light rippling in the glossy surface of her nail polish.

Avery decides it does not matter what happened. Time is often unkind and the result means living through every second of it whether wanted or not. Life and time are inextricably bound, creating a hand and hammer that beats upon the person living it. Whatever happened is beyond both their control now. Elizabeth is not the bright eyed girl she was in love with long ago and that is fine. Wounds come with age, often bleeding away the zeal for life teenagers have. Marcus is a mistake that the Elizabeth she knew would never make but one that this is Elizabeth is burdened by. Changed by.

“It wasn’t always bad with him,” She offers on a quiet breath carried by shame, “I was just happy to have a normal. I figured the bad came with the good and that was a fair trade for stability. Someone to come home to for the rest of my life.”

The tone is begging Avery to forgive her for what she feels she has done wrong but cannot voice out loud.

“I wasn’t very happy,” Avery freezes, surrounded by the smell of freshly cut thyme waiting to be added to the whipped butter that will go on the veal, “I just couldn’t tell anyone. Because my family is a big part of my life and they all hated him and I’m stubborn. And foolish, lord I’m foolish. Even though he was the type of man I wouldn’t normally see myself staying with, I convinced myself that growing up means making compromises. You know, I don’t ask a lot and I expect less. I just wanted to be loved, I wanted to make a home with my partner that could be a safe place for kids. I blinded myself to everything else to get that. My little one, I think they finally were the thing that made me realize—“

Elizabeth stops there. She waits with her breath held to catch the sounds of crying but there are none. She does not dare turn around to look upon the miserable face she no doubt has. It always feels like a slow bleeding to see Elizabeth in any kind of pain.

“I told him that I was expectin’ things to change. With a baby on the way, I wanted an equal partner. And he…he told me that—he said awful things, Avery.”

She sets the knife down to lean her hands on the counter, bracing herself for words that will drive a spike of anger through her.

“He told me I was pretty enough to be his wife, that he asked me to marry him because I would make a good wife for him. But that I wasn’t what he wanted and that I didn’t…satisfy him. He told me about his girlfriend and how he expected me to be alright with it because he chose me to be his wife. But that he didn’t want children, didn’t even know he could have them and that annoyed him. It threw a wrench in his whole,” Elizabeth pauses to make a sound, “I won’t repeat it all. I feel like I can’t complain. I kept myself in that position. Deep down I knew what kind of man he was and I turned a blind eye. I don’t know. I just know that I got used to being disappointed and every new low of his became my normal that I was willing to accept and now I don’t know if I can even say I’m a woman with standards. Ain’t that some shit?”

The sounds of the blanket being cast off, folded, proceed the noise of Elizabeth’s feet passing over the creakiest floorboards. Like a moth to a flame, she turns to meet Elizabeth upon her approach.

Tears sit on the bridge of her lashes, collecting there in solidarity but staying strong. None fall yet. Her body sags from an exhaustion that spans every month of every year she spent with that man. Both hands are worrying the stylized threads hanging off the cuffs of her sweater sleeves.

“I must be such a burden,” Elizabeth smiles sadly when that makes Avery frown, “I haven’t been happy like this in years and of course that’s because of you. I was my best self when I knew you and everything slid downhill after I let us fall apart. The men I dated—lord, Marcus is Jesus compared to them. I think that’s when this loneliness that eats a hole in me started. I thought about you always, I wanted to fix things but it was too late. I wanted to tell you what I realized, how much you actually meant to me but it was-it was just too late. And I’ve just been growing up confused. I still feel like a child half the time. I just keep fucking up and I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t figure out how I lost the plot.  And then, during my darkest time, the only person who has ever managed to make me feel safe in every way came strolling back into my life to save me. And it’s not fair. It’s not fair to you. You’ve grown into such a beautiful, wonderful person with that same enormous heart and you’re wasting it on me. I’m…I’m a failed start. I just keeping seeing who I could have been when you smile at me and make me damn risotto just because I mentioned I wanted some. I’ve tried to convince you, to show you, that I’m a broken woman. That I’m not the girl I was and I don’t think I ever can be again so you should stop wastin’ all your good heart on me. You don’t owe it to me. I don’t deserve it.”

She knew that man was worthless but this is a new low she was not prepared for. Somehow he has convinced thee Elizabeth Beck that she is not worthy of love. She should not have stopped the beating at just two punches.

Avery waits, leaned against the counter with her arms folded over her chest, for Elizabeth to add anything else that has been sitting on her chest. When it’s clear Elizabeth is waiting too, Avery jerks her head in a sharp nod and points at her.

“You can stop looking for apartments. I’m not letting you leave anymore.”

It is going to take time but Avery is an exceptionally a patient woman and she has the time to spare. If it takes a month or years, she will see that every sickly seed a poor partner and misfortune has planted in Elizabeth is ripped out and replaced with a loving one. She thinks that she is seeing who she could have been but Avery knows better. Evidently she even knows what Elizabeth herself does not. Perhaps she thinks herself too far gone, to incapable of being loved and that is a cruelty she cannot forgive Marcus of. Finally free of the burden of carrying the labor and emotional toil of caring for herself and her partner is offering the chance to heal. Finally being able to relax and let someone else take the wheel for a little while, to listen to her miseries and let her cry when she needs to. A safe place for her to be silly and joyful, to enjoy hobbies she once left aside because she was too busy being a housewife with a full time job on top of it.

Oh, Elizabeth has no idea the monster she has made. All of two months they have been roommates. Things have gotten better with small talk and laughter and bumping into one another but there has been an ever present awkwardness. The stilted air of two people trying to figure out if it’s alright that they feel close despite years of space because of their history. All of two months they have gotten close while also keeping each other at a distance. Avery has been overly polite about the ways Elizabeth shudders at her kindness and shies away from referring to anything as theirs or carving herself into this new space. Acting like all of this is temporary, trying to keep Avery away and make herself small so she feels only guilty for the littlest amount of space she takes up. More than half of the things she brought from Marcus’s home has been stored somewhere so it would not take up Avery’s apartment. Something she thought little of until now.

“Avery, honey—“

“There is nothing wrong with you, Beth. You’ve got it shit right now. I get that, I’ve always had it shit.”

“That doesn’t—“

“Nah,” She reaches to yank on Elizabeth’s sweater, pulling the shaking woman into a fierce hug, “Let’s go get your shit out of storage and unpack it. And I’ll make that new bed frame for you. The one I saw you looking at. If you buy it, I’ll put it together. And a crib once we get one. I’ll cook every damn meal you eat, if it makes you happy.”

Elizabeth’s palms slip upward to grip her shirt near her shoulders, face pressed against her collarbone, “It does. Being here makes me happy. I haven’t been happy in a very long time.”

“Then stay. Stop looking around,” Avery sucks in a steadying breath to offer more than just words though she not realize it at the time, “I can take care of things. You, the baby, whatever. Just stay.”

“You have to mean it, Avery. Because I can’t take another betrayal. I need you to keep this promise if you make it.”

Avery could try to speak all the feelings inside her. A fumbling attempt that will embarrass her and come out wrong. She could explain what Elizabeth means to her, that time has no changed that at all. That she would do anything for this woman.

Instead she just says, “Stay.”

Things improve after the risotto incident. What walls Elizabeth was keeping up for her own sake come down and they begin building off old foundations. Now over weekends, if Avery goes out she always invites Elizabeth to join. They laugh over stories they never shared during the time they fell apart while they unpack Elizabeth’s things. Stories about ex’s and terrible parties and the adventure of growing into adults. Discovering that the couch came from an ex makes Elizabeth frown and a week later they have a new one. She does not complain because the new one makes her realize how broken down the old one was. Elizabeth scolds her gently when Avery tells her about the little bit of legal trouble she got into. Elizabeth says, ‘you date the worst women, Avery Charlotte.’ To which Avery reminds her that they dated and Elizabeth glitters when she says, ‘I’m the exception, obviously.’ Now they laugh about the folly of their youth and how things might have been different if they ever just talked to one another. When Avery admits that she thought they weren’t friends, Elizabeth goes pale before laughing and admitting that she used to fantasize about the wedding they would have. Elizabeth coos over the collection of notes Avery shows her that she saved from their school days in a shoe box. Likewise, Avery’s head pounds when Elizabeth produces a binder full of old pictures which includes the photos of their senior prom that they went to together.

Settled together on their new couch, Elizabeth a warmth pressed to her side, she watches a pink nail trace the ancient image of Avery. Looking stiff in an ill fitting suit because it is a masculine cut, looking pale and made worst by the light blond color of her hair.

“When did you start dying your hair?”

“Pretty much the second you left for college.”

An offended gasp proceeds Elizabeth whipping her head over to an open-mouthed look of shock, “Why didn’t you ever send me pictures!? Or tell me!”

Avery shrugs, “You liked my blond hair. That’s why I didn’t dye it until you left.”

“Oh,” Elizabeth lifts her eyes to look at the shorn sides of her head that tapers down behind her ears, rough and short along the back of her head then longer on top, “That’s terribly sweet of you, sugar.”

“I liked when you complimented me.”

“Well then,” She reaches up to shift some of the longest lengths off her forehead, curling the tips of her fingers past the hairline into the thick of it, “This new look of yours is something else. I dunno how I still have you all to myself.”

To that, Avery feels the sluggish awakening of a feeling that means trouble for her. She lays her fingers over her warm neck and clears her throat.

“Do you think I’d look stupid if I buzzed it?”

Elizabeth snorts and lays her head back down on Avery’s shoulder, “You’d look amazin’. You have such a handsome face, short hair suits you. ‘Course, I always loved your long hair too. I think you’re just stunnin’ no matter what you do.”

Saturdays go from hangover recovery and shopping with friends to the day they always spend together. Now instead of agreeing to go off on some adventure with her friends, Avery says she can’t because it is the day she stays home to hang out with Elizabeth. They make jokes about being whipped which makes her feel a host of conflicting emotions. On their Saturdays, they hardly leave the house. Avery sits on the floor to build a new Lego project while Elizabeth sits on the couch watching her trashy soap operas and reality television. 

“So…he is cheating on her with her mother, but she is cheating on him with his best friend?”

“And his sister.”

Avery looks up to give the television an unimpressed look, “Which one is his sister?”

“That one.”

“Holy fuck. Hold on, I actually like this show now.”

Knuckles knock into the back of her skull, “Avery Charlotte.”

Then, testily, a few minutes later after Avery has gone back to her legos, “She isn’t that pretty.”

Other times, Elizabeth leans against her with a pile of fabric in her lap and shining needles in her hand. Slowly making a beautiful quilt while Avery plays video games.

“Are you playing one of those that is with real folks?” Asked with her head down, glasses sitting on the end of her nose while she pulls a needle through fabric.

“I don’t play those on our Saturdays.”

At that, Elizabeth lifts her head to fix upon Avery one of her bone-melting looks of adoration that inflicts Avery with those feeling she has no business feeling.

“It would be alright if you did, I wouldn’t mind,” She smiles with the corner of her lip caught between her canine teeth, “All I’m asking for is a little quality time. I’m just happy to sit here with you. You could be doing lord knows what, I couldn’t be bothered so long as you want me here.”

Sometimes, she had noticed, Elizabeth says miserable things like this. Avery takes it in stride the way she usually does.

“Nah, it’s fine. I like to be able to pause to hang out with you. I even got some games I thought you’d like to watch.”

Elizabeth sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and leans over to bump their shoulders together. Softly she says, “You’re such a sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re in my life again.”

Feeling pinned beneath the weight of those words, she shrugs the heaviness off her shoulders and asks, “Do you want a grilled cheese?”

At times they forgo the television entirely to share hobbies. Elizabeth helps build a water wheel out of legos and she sits, trying to focus hard, to learn how to quilt and then how to knit when she stabs herself too often. Because they both love cooking, they huddle around a laptop to choose increasingly difficult recipes to make together. Elizabeth chooses the meal and Avery chooses the desert and they surprise each other with it. Going on a trip to the store is half the fun, Elizabeth swears, and Avery thinks she is right because it is a delight to do mundane things like grocery shop. As long as it is with her. Unless the day is a hard one for Elizabeth whose body is flagging as her pregnancy progresses and she lacks the energy to do much of anything. On those Saturdays, she lays in the bed on her side chatting about whatever crosses her mind while Avery rubs her swollen ankles or tries to relieve some of the pain in her back.

“Avery, honey?” A pillow is wedged between her knees, blanket wedged into a ball so she can hug it o her chest. Bonk is sprawled across the pillow beside Elizabeth’s, one tiny black paw in reach for her to rub between her thumb and finger. Avery is sitting cross legged on the by near her knees with an open book in her lap.

“Did you know babies can’t have honey? It must fuckin’ suck to be a baby, they can’t have a shit.”

The prettiest laugh from Elizabeth makes her look up. Red hair spilled across the pillow, golden glinting where it parts around her ears and the delicate hoops shine.

Bursts of affection snatch her tongue by the roots, dragging it low to where the weak flutter of her heart lives.

“Mm?” She hums, snapping the book shut.

Elizabeth shakes her head on the pillow creating a gentle swish from her hair rubbing against the silk pillowcase. Smile still soft as butter left in the sun.

“Lord, you’re adorable,” Elizabeth turns her head to hide her mouth with the pillow, “I forgot what I was going to ask you.” 

Avery hears a ring buzzing in her ear starting from the base of her skull. She rubs her thumb over the pages of the book, looking down at it so she can save herself from looking at the relaxed beauty of the woman who is rapidly consuming her every waking thought.

A few of the throw pillows Elizabeth piled onto the bed once she started adding her touch to the apartment get knocked off. One of her legs has to hang over the bed to leave enough room for Elizabeth to lay comfortably on her side.

“Do you want to get a new bed?”

A soft whistle comes from how quickly Elizabeth blows out a breath, “Yes. Something a bit bigger?”

“I thought more comfortable?”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Elizabeth watches Bonk jump suddenly to stretch before hopping off to chase the sound of his automatic feeder, “But…if we got a bigger bed, you wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch anymore.”

“I don’t mind. It’s fine.”

Elizabeth reaches to loop her fingers around Avery’s wrist, “Now, don’t fib. I see you limping around from how sore your back gets and really, we can’t keep on this way. I don’t like making you sleep on the couch every night. I—“

Instantly, Avery frowns because she knows the argument that is coming next, “Absolutely not. You’re pregnant, Beth. You aren’t sleeping on the couch.”

And the way this ends every time does so again with Elizabeth looking charmed, “Then let’s get a bigger bed. I’m puttin’ my foot down on it. You need to get a good nights rest too. ‘Specially while you still can. We have a baby on the way, you know.”

Avery has been struggling with the cold mornings after a restless night on the couch. Stiffness had become her newest enemy, always cozied up to the tense muscles and coiled around her aching spine. It had gotten better after Elizabeth replaced the couch but only marginally.

“Are you sure?”

Elizabeth slides her hand down to lay her palm over Avery’s knuckles, “I’m insistin’.”

A new bed means a new bed frame. Elizabeth paces behind her, rubbing her belly, while Avery builds the entire thing. She wants to help but Avery insists that it should be her chore and that sitting on the floor may take a while to get back up. That part had not made Elizabeth laugh until she thought Avery could not hear.

The new bed is spacious enough for them both to fit. It is strange laying down in her bedroom again after only stealing naps if Elizabeth was not home or doing something around the apartment. It is even stranger still to share a bed with another woman. To feel the bed dip occasionally, having feet brush her calves, roll over and get tickled by long hair.

“Don’t stab me in the middle of the night if you forget there is someone in your bed.”

Elizabeth, tired and made lethargic by the blankets heaped on her, blinks open her eyes, “I would never. I don’t mind if you get cozy in the night, Avery Hew.”

“Is that permission?”

“Sure,” One of Elizabeth’s hands breach the blanket wall so a crooked finger can curl in, “C’mere.”

Both of Avery’s eyebrows shoot up, “I was just joking.”

“I’m not,” The blankets are pushed down until Elizabeth’s pale, freckled shoulders show and the lace frill at the top the of her sleep shirt shows, “Come over here.”

Avery just smiles, shakes her head, and slides over to sling an arm around Elizabeth’s hips. The curve of her belly between them, pressing its roundest edge to Avery’s stomach. A frustrated little sound comes from Elizabeth.

“Don’t be angry at the kid, it’s not their fault.”

Elizabeth just huffs into her pillow.

Elizabeth is working until she cannot anymore and because of that some things grow harder for her. Mainly because her due date will be over the summer so she thinks it will be easier to finish out the year with her current class. To help alleviate this burden, Avery has started walking her into the school so she can carry her bags. One tote that feels like it is full of rocks and her purse that also feels like it is full of rocks. Elizabeth touches her arm as she passed through the door Avery holds open for her. Dressed in pinstriped coveralls, hair still tacky from the hasty shower she took that morning before work, she follows Elizabeth down the halls. Most mornings they chat softly, passing by the few other teachers who wave or give the hollow stare of under-caffeinated, exhausted people expected to be alive and present.

In the half oval shaped room of the classroom, Elizabeth drops into her computer chair behind her desk with a weary sigh. Avery notes that and shakes her head fondly.

“Hush you.” Tone sharp but fond, skipped past lips curling upward while her head tilts back and her eyes fall shut. Smiling to herself, she turns to one of the three whiteboards in Elizabeth’s classroom. Each morning she brings her things in, Avery stops to draw something up in a corner. Originally it had been to pester the woman, to try and drag a chastisement out of her that always came off sweet upon her tongue. Until she was informed by Elizabeth that her students have come to thrill over the mystery of who is leaving the drawings every morning. Sentimental as she is, Elizabeth never erases what she doodles nor what her students throughout the day come to add to it. Avery is the one who wipes the slate clean every morning. Today she makes a short, chubby snake wearing safety goggles, curled around a beaker that sparkles.

Elizabeth letting out a grunt stills her hand partway through and brings her to the woman’s side. Crouching down by the chair, she rubs at the outside of Elizabeth’s knee until her eyes come open again.

“I’m alright, darlin’. She’s just always fussy in the mornings. Kicking at my bladder.”

Avery’s breath catches. Her eyes widen from the surprise seconds before Elizabeth realizes what she has done and slaps a hand over her mouth.

“It’s a girl?”

Elizabeth had learned the gender of the baby at an appointment Avery could not attend because of Benedict being sick and Joel not being able to do everything himself. She had called Avery at work, sobbing into the phone from the joy of knowing now. She had asked Avery, breathless from excitement and crying, if she wanted to know and after a moment of deliberating, she decided to make it a surprise. For months she and Marie had been very careful to keep the secret around her. Until now.

“Shoot,” Elizabeth licks her bottom lip, preciously bashful, “Sorry honey.”

“It’s—that’s—“ Avery reaches to cradle the growing shape of Elizabeth’s round belly. Little taps against her palm makes her laugh softly.

“You’re a girl.” She whispers to the belly held in her palms. Elizabeth whispers something too, gentle enough that she cannot hear it, before she reaches down to push her fingers through Avery’s hair. Delight and awe is shared between them for this thing they have been waiting for and now they both know the full truth of.

“Oh Avery, you’re crying,” Fingertips move beneath her eyes to wipe away the small collection of tears that fall from Avery’s eyes, “Were you hoping for a boy?”

“I’m just really glad he won’t grow up to look like Marcus.” A wet choked laugh comes out when Elizabeth clicks her tongue to her cheek and gives Avery’s earlobe a tug.

“You.” She says as a chastisement that warms Avery to her toes.

“You’re having a daughter,” Avery summons memories of a middle school aged Elizabeth wearing pink ribbons tied at the ends of her braids, beaming at Avery and holding out a bag of cookies, “That’s so crazy.”

“I know.”

“I hope she looks like you. A mini clone.”

Elizabeth cradles her by the jaw, looking softer now that Avery has admitted that so boldly. She rubs her thumb across Avery’s skin.

“You’ll help me with her, won’t you? If she’s anything like me, I’m gonna need your help.”

“Oh, I’m there. All the way baby.”

Elizabeth’s long lashes flutter, face turning to a dreamy soft expression. Light bounces off the tiny chunks of glitter in her eyeshadow, almost as bright as her smile.

That same smile she would give Avery leaned against her Camaro, husking ‘hey Hew’ when she would approach.

Thighs burning from staying in a crouch so long, she stands and stretches. Elizabeth’s contented expression remains the same, eyes welded to Avery.

“She’s gonna be so spoiled.” Avery says grinning, thinking of the Becks and Pete who treated his girls like royalty.

“Oh lord, I know,” Elizabeth points a finger at her that accuses, “You’re gonna be worse than me.”

“Me? Nah. I wasn’t gonna make her start paying rent until she’s ten. If I was spoiling her, I’d wait until she was at least eleven.”

The exasperated eye roll oozes adoration. Both hands make a shooing motion, “Okay, get out of here before my kids start showing up and asking who you are.”

“Alright. You got everything you need?”

“I’m fine, sugar.”

“Text me if you need anything or something happens alright? Joel said I’m allowed to leave whenever there is a pregnancy emergency. Oh, holy shit. Can I tell them about the baby?”

To answer, Elizabeth orders with a secretly pleased smile, “Hand me my purse.”

Confused, she plucks the heavy leather thing from beneath the desk to set it in Elizabeth’s lap. Plenty of items—lotion, two bottles of perfume, a ziplock baggie of coupons, Avery’s travel bottle of adhd medication—need pushed aside to find a long, tall envelope. From out of the secret depths of the cream colored secret, a roll of ultrasound images is produced. Held carefully in the fingertips, Elizabeth offers it to Avery with a shy smile.

“I had an extra set made for you. Just in case,” Avery leans over her chair, stars in her eyes, to follow all the places Elizabeth points after she unfolds it, “This is her little feet and this is her head and this is one her little hands.”

“Oh my god. She looks like an alien—“

“Avery Charlotte!”

“—I love her. I love her so much. A little alien potato. I can have these?”

Elizabeth hits her gently with the envelope, “If you stop calling our unborn child an alien potato.”

“Sick,” She holds the prints like they are made from gold that came from heaven, more rare and precious than anything else in the world, “I’m gonna show fuckin’ everybody.”

A wistful sigh and big eyes that melt when they hold Avery captive, “Have a good day at work, sweetheart.”

“You too,” Avery gives her a quick, firm squeeze around the shoulders, “I’ll see you when I come to pick you up.”

Black rings the cuticles of her nail beds. Grease is a shiny smear on her forearm. Little bits of red bead up between the black where her knuckles were split after a tool slipped loosening a bolt. Beaming and in those same fouled hands, she presents the treasure gifted to her.

“And that is her little feet! Isn’t she perfect?”

Benedict’s bushy eyebrows raise up his forehead while Joel cheers and gives a solid clap of his hands.

“It’s a girl!?”

“Fuck yeah it is! And she’s perfect. Is Amy in the office? I wanna show her.”

Marie drags Avery along to shop for baby clothes which she does not mind. It has become a terrible habit of hers that whenever she goes to the store for anything, she comes home with a new pair of tiny shoes or a shirt or a hat that Elizabeth coos over. During this trip, her position is to be the one who carries bags and settles ties when the two Beck women cannot decide on a particular article. In one store, while Elizabeth is using the restroom, Marie touches her arm to gather her attention.

“What’s up?”

Marie Beck has charming crows feet from frequent smiling. Hair more a strawberry blond than the vivid orange that her daughter came out with. Short and beautiful and equip with a natural gravity field that draws people in, the way all Beck woman are. When she smiles, Avery can see slivers of Elizabeth in her.

“You know, it’s real good to have you back, honey.”

A heaviness she was not expecting on a department store outside of a bathroom while little outfits lay draped over her folded arms. Sticking awkwardness buzzes to life inside her. The kind that never knows how to properly handle heavy things.

Marie, knowing Avery since she was a fifteen-year-old with bruised knees and a chip on her shoulder, just offers one of those gentle maternal looks.

“I’m gonna talk at you for a second here, just bear with me, alright?”

Avery offers a grunt and a stoic nod.

“Papa and I worried about you after you and Beth drifted apart. You stopped comin’ ‘round and we had to check on you through Grandma Hew. Hey now, no need to make the guilty face. This ain’t that. I’m only saying, you we’re important to us. We always worried ‘bout you,” Marie cranes her head back to look over Avery’s face sharpened by age, the shag of her dyed hair, the markings that run from shoulder to fingertip, “It feels real good to have you be a part of the family again. That’s what you’ve always been, you know, and even though you was off growing up, that never changed. We are glad you’re back.”

Avery regrets cutting contact with the Becks. The sweet adults who never cared that she was another mouth to feed, never resented that Elizabeth brought her home like a stray. Always welcomed her during holidays, always had a bed waiting and packed lunches for her. Gave her lessons that parents should have in the place of Avery’s own. They were always there when she needed them. Marie had smiled, tears in her eyes, when Avery awkwardly opened the present given to her on Christmas. Turning bright red when Elizabeth had grabbed her in a hug and swore she was the one who picked it out.

“I’m sorry I didn’t keep in contact, Mrs. Beck.”

Marie shakes her head ruefully, “Breakups are tough.”

Avery clears burs from her throat, “I guess that’s what we did.”

“But it’s alright now,” Marie gives her arm a pat, looking pleased, “Having you back is such a blessing. And you two are gonna make the best parents. Thank you, honey. For coming back into her life. She’s been better with you here. I ain’t seen her like this in a long, long while. And Pete is happy his granddaughter is gonna have someone sturdy in her life. He never did like that Marcus. And to tell you truth, I wasn’t much of a fan myself.”

Avery holds her tongue because if Marie knew what Avery did about the man, she would have probably killed him. Almost no one is more protect of Elizabeth Beck than her mother.

“It’s a little surreal seeing you two together again. But it’s real nice. I always thought you two were the real deal. The way she fawned over you, my lord. And now you two—my, look at you,” Marie reaches to fuss with Avery’s collar and move away some of the longest strands of her hair stylishly hanging over one brow, “You have grown into such a force. Real kind and smart and hard working. I guess what I’m trying to say here, real clumsy like, is that Pete and I are happy that you two are back together and that this little girl is going to have you in her life. And I am not saying together like that. If y’all never find your way back there, that’s alright too. It is just good to know you two have each other again. Because you’re gonna be a good mama, Avery Hew. A real good mama. And I’m real glad and I know she is real glad, that it’s you who she’s raisin’ this baby with.”

“Oh.”

“What are you two talkin’ about?” Elizabeth appears at Avery’s elbow, hands encircling her bicep. She makes a slight frown when she noticed the redness in Avery’s face.

“Ah—“

“Nothin’ serious,” Marie winks at Avery and waves off Elizabeth’s suspicious look, “Have you two decided on a name yet?”

“I want to name her Ophelia, but someone says it’s too old fashioned.”

Avery finds that her tongue has been pinned to her jaw. Pete and Marie think she and Elizabeth are back together? She cannot fault them entirely. They share a bed in a studio apartment and have done so for nearly eight months. Avery has already sworn to be this child’s greatest defender and be as involved as Elizabeth needs or wants. She does understand. But it had not entirely been something she realized until all the small things were laid before her as a whole picture by someone else.

Marie makes a disappointed click of her tongue, “Oh but I love Ophelia! That’s a gorgeous name!”

Elizabeth squeezes Avery’s arm, “See? I told you.”

“It’s a grandma’s name,” She looks down at Elizabeth, notes the warmth behind her smile and the loose way she holds herself now compared to how she had been when Avery found her, “We aren’t doing that to the kid.”

Does Elizabeth know what her parents think of them? Does she approve? Does she feel the same intense ache that went unnamed for most of their youth but lives in her again, stronger now and with all the robust passions adulthood can offer?

“Oh, what do you know,” Elizabeth says through a doting smile, “You wanted to name her Harley.”

“Like the motorcycle?” Marie’s nose twists in distaste.

“That’s what I said, Mama. This woman, I tell you. The things I have to put up with.” After she says this, Elizabeth gives Avery a playful wink to let her know that she is teasing. It may as well be a gunshot for how to staggers her entire nervous system.

Avery guides Elizabeth by the small of her back through a narrow aisle toward the exit of the store. She makes sure to step ahead of the Beck women so she can hold the door open for them. On her way past, Elizabeth reaches out to touch her stomach with just the tips of her fingers and silently mouths the words for her gratitude.

“What about Olivia?”

“Oh, I don’t mind that,” Elizabeth waits for Avery to catch up with them so she can take Avery’s arm again, “What do you think, honey?”

“I dated an Olivia.”

Instantly, Elizabeth’s face darkens, “Nevermind, we’ll think of something else.”

Grandma Hew is the thin, webbing branch of a madrone tree. Once she was a stalwart woman of impressive height, likely very similar in build to Avery herself, but she has robbed some of that vitality. Now she is too thin, stretched out everywhere without the support of muscle or fat in places she needs it. Elbows and knees knobby, face thin, neck slender, and hands sunken around the bones that show when she flexes her hands. Because of this and the blood thinners she complains about taking, she is always cold. Hands like shards of ice when she takes Avery’s face into them. Heaps of layers—two sweaters and a long sleeve beneath it—on her bony shoulders and thin arms. Her apartment is boiling from space heaters cranked up high. Huge square frames wrapped by shiny copper wire sits in the divot made in the bridge of her long nose by years of glasses use. Strands of fake pearls hang around her neck from the chain clipped to the arms of her glasses.

On the first sight, after the door has split open to release a wave of heat through the seem, Grandma Hew gasps in delight. She bypasses Avery entirely to drag Elizabeth into a tight, walking hug where they tip side to side on their heels, marching slowly into the house.

“Elizabeth! My gorgeous girl, look at you,” Grandma Hew pulls away to take Elizabeth’s softly glowing face into her hands then looks down at the protrusion of her belly, “How are you? How is the baby? Is my grandchild taking good care of you?”

“Of course she is,” The look Elizabeth gives her makes her heart stutter and fall up her throat where it gets stuck, “She’s my angel.”

“Yeah,” Avery croaks, “I buy her cigarettes every time she asks.”

“Oh good,” Grandma Hew has the mischievous sparkle in her eye that Avery inherited, “Growing babies need a Marlboro a day.”

“That’s true. That’s what my mom did with me.”

Elizabeth looks unamused and points a stern finger at Avery, “Knock it off, you.”

Avery snorts, leaned against the wall with her arms folded, “She’s only saying that to me because she can’t say it to you, Grandma.“

“I am not! She’s always tellin’ tall tales, Mrs. Hew. The other day she told me you and her still smoke weed together.”

“She is a terrible kid. You shouldn’t let her tease you. It encourages bad habits.” Grandma Hew says pleasantly but, when Elizabeth waddles toward the kitchen to sit at the dining table, she affixes a firm look upon Avery and mouths the word snitch. When Avery laughs loudly, Elizabeth glances back with big, hopeful eyes waiting to be let in on the joke. Such a precious sight, she cannot stop herself from striding over to kiss Elizabeth on the forehead. No more than she has been able to stop the ancient feelings of youth from rising up, shifting into the adult shape of what loving looks like at her age.

“Grandma is a shithead.” Avery whispers into her hair to explain.

Elizabeth’s shoulders under her hands shake from silent laughter. She reaches up to lay her fingers over Avery’s tattooed knuckles and titles her head to catch Avery’s eye. The cherry red of her mouth turned to an impish shape.

“You get it from her.”

Grandma Hew blows a raspberry into her elbow as she moves into the kitchen to get them drinks, “No kissing in my kitchen. Not in front of Jesus!”

She points at the framed oil painting hanging above the sink. One that she knows her grandmother got at a yard sale not because she is religious but because she is addicted to haggling.

“See? Shithead.” Avery whispers near Elizabeth’s ear and reveling in the victory of making her laugh so loud it puts a pretty pink blush under the freckles on her cheeks.

Because they promise to spend the weekend, they end up staying in Avery’s old bedroom. Half of the old clutter has been packed into boxes that are still stacked in the corners of the room. Old magazines and workout equipment and whatever else she collected. Most of it has been left untouched. An ancient tv covered in dust, round and heavy, sits on a spray painted dresser that she used to play the Super Nintendo her grandmother got her as a gift when she stopped an estate sale. Because consoles had been expensive and she was struggling to support a teenager but determined to make Avery as comfortable as possible with the means provided to her. And her granddaughter liked video games. A floor length mirror is leaned against the wall behind the door with notes and drawings taped along the edge and the ancient imprint of a kiss left by Elizabeth Beck. Now a faded pale red but once a vibrant cherry. Something that she would see every morning before school when she got dressed and would flush to the top of her head. Seeing it now fills her with a warm sense of nostalgia.

When Elizabeth, who is making a slow trip around the room to look at everything, sees the ancient stain she looks at Avery with such devotion that it knocks the heart straight from her chest. Like a fist through bone, sending the poor spasming thing tumbling under the bed. Avery laughs softly when Elizabeth takes a picture on her phone and grins at the image on her screen.

While she makes a slow turn around the room, perusing dust covered memories of their youth, Avery changes the sheets on the bed. Using the ones they brought from home because Elizabeth would never say it but she does not like cheap cotton and never sleeps well on anything but what they buy. Thinking ahead, she packed those and extra pillows too for Elizabeth to prop herself against while she scrolls through her phone for an hour before she finally goes to sleep.

“Do you have one of my old bras tucked away in here somewhere too?” Elizabeth asks suddenly, piercing the previous silence. A very old sweater with their school’s sport logo on the front of it sits between her hands. One of the sweaters Elizabeth owned and wore over her cheer top when the weather was cold outside. If the younger Avery that was head over heels for Elizabeth had known her grandmother found it, washed it, and put it in her dresser drawer, she would have died from embarrassment. Now it makes her roll her eyes because she realizes now why her grandmother made her sleep with her door open and kept trying to have sex talks with her. All of which she avoided or threw fits about that resulted in a chewing out and usually being grounded.

“Why? You wanna see if it still fits?”

Elizabeth rolls her eyes, “Avery Hew. Don’t be crass.”

She settles on her old bed, leaning back on her palms to watch Elizabeth, “Probably not, sorry. If it makes you feel better, I know it wouldn’t fit.”

The look that Elizabeth sends her way after those words drip past Avery’s cocky smirk. Not the stinging admonishment that is going to fill Avery with butterflies. Instead the look is a hungry crawl up Avery’s lanky body and fire that turns the eyes of her to a liquid heat Avery can feel. Something so blatant that is conjures the image of soft, small hands sliding up her body while lips seek an ancient pact made through yearning and brought back into effect. A rolling fire that she remembers, an old thing tucked away to keep the memory safe but not forgotten. Something so innate to the Elizabeth of her past that she feels only then she is reuniting with the woman.

It feels so good to be looked at in that way again.

“And how is it you know that, darlin’?”

“I’m very perceptive.” She grins without a trace of shame or shyness.

Elizabeth drops the sweater onto the top of the dresser, forgotten now that her attention has be snatched up by something more interesting. She strolls over to the bed, reaching to brace her fingertips on the top of Avery’s knee. She sits up like her name has been called even though no words have been spoken.

“I never thought I’d be in this room ever again. It’s a little strange, in the best way,” Having sat up brings her perfectly into the position for Elizabeth to slip fingers into her hair, gliding through the shorter strands to cradle the back of her head as Avery looks up at her, “We made a lot of happy memories here.”

“Did we? I dunno, it’s been a long time,” Her mouth feels dry in juxtaposition to how everything else inside her feels like a liquid heat sliding down, “Might need to refresh my memory.”

A brief wave of shock that lifts Elizabeth up, on a shortly drawn in breath. Then the relaxation that brings forward a new heat in her every corner. The fingers in her hair curl inward to pull, slightly, forcing her head to tip back.

“Avery Hew,” The happiest smile lights Elizabeth’s face, “Are you propositioning me?”

“Nah, doesn’t sound like me,” She says through a smirk while she rises to her feet, “Can I kiss you though?”

Another blink of shock. Warm features flattening out, turning sharp and flat. Elizabeth grows a little shy in front of her eyes.

“Do you want to?”

Avery holds her hands out first, near to Elizabeth’s face, to wait for a sign of permission. A tiny nod then she cradles both freckled cheeks in her palms. Elizabeth’s stuttered breath washes over the inside of her wrists. When she bends down, Elizabeth squeezes her eyes shut and makes a tiny, distressed noise.

“Hold on Hoss,” Elizabeth ensnares both of her wrists, not removing the touch but just grasping her to make a point, “I’m not so sure about this.”

“Oh, shit. Fuck that’s embarrassing. Ah,” She draws back feeling her stomach twist into itself, unused to this situation occurring and unsure of how to proceed, “Let me—“

“Now, hold on. Don’t you dare go runnin’ off neither. Just lemme—come back here,” Big eyes that shine with desperation and affection and trepidation, “Please.”

Avery steps close again, keeping her arms at her side now. Elizabeth notices, sinks her teeth into her lower lip, and reaches out to twist her fingers into Avery’s shirt.

“I’d like it a lot if you kissed me. Lord, I’d die happy if you kissed me. I’m just ah…I’m a little nervous about what happens if you do.”

“Alright.”

“The thing is, I’ve got real big feelings for you Avery Hew, and I am sort of scared of them.”

“Oh,” She takes Elizabeth’s face again, pushing the tip of her thumb along the edge of her lipstick, “Alright. Nothing has to change.”

“But I want it to. I just—“

“It’s alright.”

“No, don’t do that. You precious thing, you don’t need to do that. Please, I don’t want that. Thing is, you were my first love. And they always say you never forget your first love and I always sort of thought that was shit they say, you know? Except I didn’t. I would fantasize about the what-if I had kept in contact and told you I was head over heels and we stayed together. And when I did, I’d convince myself I was romanticizing the past because you were my first and of course I’d remember that in a different light. ‘Course I’d think you were on some pedestal. You were Avery Hew. ‘Cept now, I realize it wasn’t a fantasy. It’s real. All them times I dreamed about what my life could have been like, lord. You would have loved me like I was your whole world. I know it now cause I see it. And I want it. But,” Elizabeth gives her a wistful, mournful smile and takes Avery’s hand to lay it over her swollen belly, “There is so much happenin’ in our lives right now. I don’t know if this is a good time to start all that. I want to give you my everything. But this little girl needs to come first.”

Avery can only be endlessly charmed because of course this is Elizabeth’s reasoning. She rubs her thumb over the crest of her round cheek, drawing invisible lines between the larger freckles. Elizaveth leans into her hand, eyes falling shut.

“Feels good to be in your hands again.” She whispers in a thick rasp.

“So how do you wanna do this? Because I have feelings for you too.”

The eyes come open, earnestly hopeful and not hiding it at all, “Really?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve always loved you. I mean, I stopped for a little while but,” Avery makes a lame gesture that is partnered with half a shrug, unable to properly convey herself with words or even expression, “You’re Elizabeth.”

She chews into the corner of her smile, “So what, I’m your weakness or something?”

“Or something.”

“That’s real sweet. I’m—I adore you,” Elizabeth’s shoulders sink a bit, “I’m just worried. This baby is gonna be a lot for both of us. I want us to last this time, I’m not running off or letting you slip between my fingers ever again. But we don’t know what this is gonna do to us yet. You get what I’m sayin’? Am I wordin’ it alright?”

“I get it. You’re right. We probably should wait a bit before we try anything. Damn, I really wanted to kiss you.”

A slow flutter of Elizabeth’s lashes and a deeply wistful sigh, “Once we get it sorted, you take me on a nice and proper date and then you can kiss me blue.”

“Alright. Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere with you.”

Avery smiles and Elizabeth does too.

“I’ll go sleep on the couch,” They both glance at the small bed they fit together in as teenagers when they were wrapped around each other, trying to keep quiet so they would not wake Grandma Hew, “Best not risk it. We have a history with this bed.”

A sharp pinch under her bicep makes her jump and swallow a yelp, “Avery Charlotte!”

Grinning, she gives Elizabeth’s cheek one more pass with her thumb before stepping away, “Night Beth.”

Large brown eyes watch her as she goes, hands folded over her belly, “Night sweetheart. Wait! If…if you get cold, come on back. I’ll keep you warm.”

Avery clicks her tongue against her teeth, “If you keep flirting with me like that, one of us is gonna end up pregnant.”

“Oh! You! Okay, shoo! You’re terrible, Avery Hew!”

“Grandma…what the fuck is this?”

Ortensia Amelia Hew stands in a lilac track suit in her cluttered garage, smoke lifting from the end of her cigarette. She points with her skinny arm at the golf cart sitting on the lighter colored concrete where a car used to sit.

“You can blame your brother for that! He took my car! Like I’m some invalid.”

Avery holds out her arms in an exaggerated gesture of what?

Grandma Hew chews aggressively on the filter of her cigarette, grumbling around it, “He said since the state won’t take my license, he’d take my car. And he did!”

“You’re only sixty-three,” She narrows her eyes at the broom-handle shaped woman, at her greying blond hair neatly braided and draped over her shoulder, “What did you do?”

“Nothing!”

“It was obviously something!”  

Grandma Hew rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath, taking long drags off her cigarette. After a moment, she gestures at the golf cart, “Well, can you make it faster or not?”

“I’m not doing shit until you tell me why Aiden put you in baby jail.”

She purses her lips.

“Come on. Don’t make me go get Beth.”

“Ugh. Fine. I hit a couple mailboxes!”

Avery shrugs with her arms held out, “And that’s it?”

“And…I hit someone. But it was his own damn fault! And really, I clipped him! Barely left a mark. Only knocked his stupid hat off which did him a favor.”

“Grandma, you hit someone? On accident or on purpose?”

She chokes on an offended gasp, “Accident! I’m not a monster!”

“Fuck me,” Avery starts laughing, hand pressed to her stomach as it becomes a manic laugh she cannot seem to stop, “I cannot believe you! I’m gonna put you in a home!”

“Yeah, yeah. Can you fix it?”

Tears in her eyes, grinning, she gestures to it and says between choked laughter, “This isn’t street legal!”

“What are you, the cops?”

“Grandma! I’m not making it faster!”

She hisses out a curse and chews on the filter, glowering at Avery, “What do I keep you around for?”

She shrugs with a grin, “I come with your favorite person?”

“Beth, that’s true. She’d let me make it faster.”

“She would put you in a home if she knew you hit someone.”

Pure offense, “She would not! She loves me! She’s loyal to me. Unlike you, backstabber. Traitor.”

“Compromise? I’ll put in a windshield, and I’ll put a stereo and a louder horn so you can warn whoever your next victim is. And an ashtray.”

“Oh,” Silver smoke cuts a line through the air from her snapping and pointing with the fingers her cigarette is pinched between, “Cupholders!”

“I can probably do that too. You’ve got so much shit in here; I can probably find everything I need.”

Looking pleased now, she hands off what is left of her cigarette to Avery and leans in to kiss her temple.  A solid pat between her shoulder blades proceeds the adoring smile.

“Thank you, sweetie.”

“I’m aiding and abetting.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Is Beth still napping?”

“Mhm. When she wakes up, she’ll be cranky and hungry. Heads up.”

Grandma Hew, rather than be warned, looks utterly delighted, “I’ll make lunch. Poor dear. I remember when I was pregnant with your mother, dreadful. Maybe I’ll make her some custard.”

Arms full of supplies, bucket hanging from her fingertips, she pauses in her path to crane her head back and squint at her grandmother, “Frozen?”

Grandma Hew rolls her wrist to encourage thought to grow where she finds some lacking, “Of course.”

“Gram, she can’t have eggs.”

“Oh,” She sucks her teeth and waves Avery off, “That’s hogwash.”

“It isn’t. Don’t—hey, look at me you ornery old woman. Do not feed my—do not—just don’t give her eggs!”

Grandma Hew, who Avery might have developed some of her bad habits from, kicks out a leg and spins on her heel to walk off.

“I mean it!”

“You’re a kid! You can’t boss me! Just do your chores and keep quiet out there!” Spoken on the breath of a laugh before the garage door leading into the house is firmly closed.

When her hands ache from the finicky work of wiring, that is when the door splits open to let a shaft of light cut into the gloom. Soft footsteps are her alert of who approaches just before small hands curve over her shoulder blades.

“What are you up to? S’been a few hours. I was gettin’ worried.” Voice like song, brought to her as a soothing thing when her irritation was mounting from repeated failures. Quickly she wipes her soiled hands on the thighs of her jeans before touching Beth. Just laying her fingertips over the hands upon her.

“Did she feed you custard?”

Sugar spun laughter, sweet and light upon her, “Why would she do that? No.”

“She’s a fucker sometimes.”

“You get that from her.”

Avery tosses her wire cutters into the bucket between her spread legs. Sighing, she leans back on her palms that prickle from the sudden invasion of cold through concrete touching skin. Tilting her head back, she smiles up at the breathtaking sight of Elizabeth.

“Hey. You look pretty.”

One ribbon of hair falls from the perch behind her ear to lay over her freckled cheek. It frames the singular dimple that only shows up when she smiles real big.

“Oh, you’re being cute today. What got into you?”

“Could be you, if you wanted.”

To her delight, Elizabeth chokes on a scandalized gasp and swats her on the back of the head. What vibrations rattle in her skull from the light tap have the echoing medley of unending adoration.

“Avery Charlotte. Knock it right off,” She presses her cool fingers to her flaming cheek and sets the other hand on her cocked hip, “You are ornery.”

Still beaming, uncaring about how she is sure every ounce of her devotion is bleeding out, she says, “Thanks for coming with me. You didn’t have to.”

This draws the furrowed brow and pouty lip of confusion, “Why wouldn’t I come? I’ve missed your grandma. I missed being here with you. Felt good to see it all again.”

Avery does not know how to explain the complexity of her inner self. That Elizabeth wanting to come means the world to her. That seeing her excited to visit Grandma Hew again settled a tremendous concern in her that she had been making a fool of herself. Feeling all this alone and letting it go deeper without talking about it. Again.

Instead, she just shrugs and smiles, “Is it weird that everyone keeps calling me the kid’s other parent?”

A deeper furrow, a pout that turns her mouth into a downturned U, “Does it—Avery, honey, I’ve been tellin’ folks that. You agreed to all this and made those promises—did I misunderstand? Lord, please tell me I haven’t made a mess of this.”

“Nah, nah. I wasn’t saying that. I did agree and I’m ready to be there. I’m just asking if it’s weird. Because this is a lot and quick and it doesn’t feel like it, but it sounds like it when I hear it out loud.”

“I don’t think so but,” Elizabeth sucks in a breath with her hands framing her belly, rubbing at the place the baby likes to kick most often, “I can’t say. I just haven’t been overthinking it. I know I’m grateful for you and I have spent every week happier with you than the one I had before it and I don’t take that for granted. I was terrified and nervous before but now I’m more excited and the nerves are just me worrying I’ll be a bad mama—“

“I’m worried I’ll drop her.”

Elizabeth does not roll her eyes at the interruption.  She looks upon Avery sitting at her feet with such a fondness it turns the heart of her to a soft lump of heated oil, burning itself to a puddle. Her fingertips caress the length of her forehead before slipping into her hair.

“You won't drop her, sweetheart.”

“But my thing is, the more I think about how I don’t wanna drop her, the surer I am that I will. You feel me? I’m gonna strap her to my chest, I already figured it out. If she’s taped to my chest and I take her everywhere with me, she’s safe as fuck. Foolproof plan.”

“Heavens,” Elizabeth blows a high note over her teeth before bending down to kiss the top of her head, “You just make me crazy, Avery Hew.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You aren’t tapin’ our daughter to your chest,” Whispered with a smile against her forehead, “But you can take her everywhere you go. If you want.”

“Just as long as I take you with us?”

“My, pretty and smart. My mama was right, I should have married you.”

Avery’s cold bones give a rebellious tremble and snap as she pulls herself to her feet. Stretching her arms above her head and twisting side to side, standing on her toes to stretch her calves as she does. When she finishes, she goes to Elizabeth as metal does to a magnet.

“Our daughter?”

Elizabeth pokes a finger into her sternum, “You promised you’d help me. I took that real serious.”

Avery’s grin is so wide it makes her cheeks hurt, “That’s so sick dude.”

“Stop callin’ me dude.”

“Sorry.”

“You’re gonna be if you don’t quit it. I’m not your dude.”

“But I like that annoyed look you get. It’s a really kissable look.”

“You horrible flirt,” Pink in the tips of her freckled ears and in her perfect cheeks, making the red of her hair seem a darker orange, “I don’t remember you bein’ like this when we were girls.”

“I’ve matured. Gotten some practice. In quite a few things.”

“Yeah well,” Still red, Elizabeth’s lashes flutter slow over hungry-dark eyes and her teeth catch her lip to chew on, “I look forward to learnin’ ‘bout all that. I expect you to show me every little thing you’ve practiced.”

School lets out for summer vacation leaving Elizabeth more time to relax and stay off her aching feet. When she comes home, there is mist over the color of her eyes and she sniffles when she tells Avery she always cries when she has to say goodbye to her students. Now with more time to relax, Elizabeth instead tries to clean the house top to bottom and always has a guilty look when Avery gets home because she got tired partway through. For that reason, now when Elizabeth naps, Avery gets all the cleaning done so the woman is forced to rest. In the mornings, she still gets up early to chat with Avery before she leaves for work, have breakfast with her and reach over the table to play with her fingers. At the door she kisses her in the cheek goodbye and one of those mornings she gets teased because of the cherry red lipstick stain left on her skin.

During the short window of time they have left before the baby comes, they discuss named. Plenty are thrown out, plenty more are immediately vetoed upon being spoken and only a handful pass both their checks to be considered. They go to doctor’s appointments and Avery holds her hand as they go on mandatory walks around the block. When the burden of child growing becomes great, Elizabeth goes to their bed in a cloud of complaints and demands that Avery accompany her. Any part of her that is selfish lives only in those moments, where creature comforts are her only relief. With tremendous pride, she falls into the demands and takes up the chores demanded of her. Glad to be the one Elizabeth reaches for. Back rubs, scalp massages, a pillow to lay on or ears to hear complaints about the things she is tired of and cannot wait to be rid of.

“Avery! C’mere!”

“Uh-oh. Wifey is calling. Game over boys.”

Avery sets her controller down on the table with an eye roll. Lights crest the curve of her jaw and cheeks from the windows in the gaming headset she wears. More come from the television where grenades and gunfire burst near her character who suffers the damage without her piloting them and falls to the ground to bleed out.

“Shut up.”

A loud, outraged gasp from the bedroom, “Excuse me!?”

Avery puts some speed into the steps she takes into the bedroom, “Not you! Aiden.”

One of Beth’s hands is being used for support so she can lean on the end of the bed. The other is pressed to the small of her back, self soothing some of the pain there. Light catches and reflects off the black lacquer on her nails she put there to match with Avery after she made Avery sit for an hour so she could paint her nails and put makeup on her. Ribbons of red hair have escaped the hair clip keeping the mess of it cinched into a localized point of control. Sharp ire in the eyes that flick toward her. Sleep bruises beneath the brown darkened by the glower.

“You had better not be talkin’ to me like that.”

“I wasn’t, I swear.”

A cacophony if snickers scratch her ears through the headset.

“Did you need something?”

“We should get Beth a little bell to ring.” Race Car’s thick Cajun accent is bright with amusement.

“Or a Dog collar.” Benedict adds amidst the snickering.

“No way. Weirdo might be into that, and I do not need to know if Avery is Liz’s sub,” Nick’s flat, near bored voice is accompanied by the rasp of a nail file in use, “Pretty sure Liz is the biggest bottom to ever live though. So whatever.”

Aiden makes a choked, gagging noise to express displeasure, “Ew? Nick why are you even in this chat? You don’t even play Call of Duty.”

“I like to listen to you bitch when you die.”

“Can you bring me some water?”

“Sorry, what are you talking about? Bottom?” Benedict asks in a half-distracted tone, clearly invested in the game.

“Course, Beth.”

“Whoa Bennie,” The nail file stops, and Nick lets out a slick peel of laughter that Avery has witnessed enchant men even though it was derisive, “I didn’t realize you were homophobic.”

Race Car starts laughing so hard he has to pull away from his microphone, sounding smaller in whatever corner he is projecting the sound toward.

“And can you bring me cookies?”

“I’m not homophobic!”

“Says the guy who doesn’t know what a bottom is. That’s not very ally of you.”

“For sure.”

“Someone is camping the spawns!”

“Got it!”

“You sound like sexless losers.”

“Shut up Nick!”

“And can you come play with my hair?”

“Oh my god, Elizabeth. You are not beating the allegations, sis.”

Avery finally remembers to mute herself and moves her headset further up her head to muffle the chatter. The socks Elizabeth made her—two shades of pink with white hearts—slip a bit when she moves off the carpet onto the wooden floor. Immediately Elizabeth leans against her chest when she steps close to add her fingers to the massage against her lower back. Habitually she leans down to kiss the top of her head, squeezing one eye shut when the claw clip pokes her high enough on the cheek to nearly hit her eye.

“Feeling okay?”

“I’m miserable. I love her more than the world, but I want her out of me,” Elizabeth reaches around her belly to grip Avery by the shirt, sounding glum and pitiful, “I’m sorry I got huffy.”

“You can get huffy all you want. You’re allowed.”

“You’re a sweetheart,” Elizabeth tilts her head to lay her temple against Avery’s collarbone, “Come cuddle with me.”

“Only cuddling?”

A sharp pinch against her hip, “Knock it off.”

She snickers into the hair brushing her lips, “Want food?”

“Yes,” She blows out a sad noise, “But I can’t have it. I’m so sick of this. Make me crab the second she is out of me.”

“Yeah, alright.”

“Go turn your game off and tell your friends goodbye. I need attention.”

Avery grins, “Yes dear.”

While Elizabeth is home alone during her work hours, she develops a special kind of separation anxiety. Counting down the hours until Elizabeth will call her on lunch then until she can go home to be with her. Now that the baby could come any day, she hates being so far away should Elizabeth need anything.

Smoke fills her lungs, rolling up to hollow past the ivory wall of her teeth. One long leg is stretched out through the open door while she scrolls on her phone during lunch. Waiting for it to start ringing.

When it does, her stomach jumps from the thrill.

“Hey.”

“The entire time we have stopped talking from my freshmen year of college to when you found me on the street, you’ve been in contact with my cousins!?”

“Ah…what?”

“Nicole is in our apartment! She knows where you live! She’s your best friend, apparently.”

Blinking in surprise at the tone and the rare use of Nick’s full name, she speaks slow to make sure her words are not misconstrued, “Didn’t you know that?”

Elizabeth growls into the phone, “Obviously not, Avery! If I had known, I probably wouldn’t be pregnant right now!”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“I can’t believe you!”

“What did I do!?”

“You didn’t ask one of them for my number!? Or my address!?”

Avery grins around the filter of her cigarette, “And how would your boy toy like it if I had shown up on your doorstep?”

“Avery! Don’t start with me! I’m ticked off!”

“I can tell,” Smoke is blown through the corner of her smile, lifting between the cracks in her teeth, “They told me you were happy. And I figured you didn’t want to talk to me. And even if you did, I figured you’d have gotten one of them to tell me. What would I even say?”

“Avery,” Now Elizabeth makes a wounded sound that makes her appear small and sad in Avery’s mind, “I’ve done nothing but think about what I could have done different with you. Not back to back, I wasn’t that pathetic. But you never left my mind altogether. If I had known there was a chance I could get back into contact with you…”

She takes a deep drag off her cigarette and leans back in her seat, eyes shut in bliss. Smiling, she blows it out and asks, “What are you saying? You’d have left Marcus for me?”

“More than likely. All you’d have to do is stroll up with your hands in your pocket and gimmi one of your smiles.”

“Fuck off.” She laughs from the pit of her belly, holding her cigarette out the door so the cherry end does not fall off and burn a hole into her pants or interior.

“I mean it! Damn it, I wish I had known! I’ve missed you, so much. I needed you.”

That wipes the smirk off her face. Feeling the burst of emotion clenching her throat, she digs her heel into the concrete and clears her throat.

“We could have at least been friends. At least knowing you’re there and accessible would have changed my world,” There is some noise in the background, the cadence of Nick’s low crawling tone, then another aggravated sound from Elizabeth, “Oh hush Nicole. How many times since college did I tie one on with you and blubber about Avery!? And the whole damn time you were having lunch dates with her! I ain’t talking to you right now.”

The husky smoke-stained laugh that comes from her is nearly in rhythm with Nicole’s through the phone.

“Oh, is that funny, Avery Hew!? Hm!?”

“Has anyone told you that you’re real fucking cute?”

“Oh, don’t even try your shit with me right now!”

Avery is filled with delight. She drums her fingertips against the steering wheel, grinning like a fool where no one can see it.

“Don’t be mad.”

“Don’t tell me what to be. I’ll be damn mad until I’m blue!”

“I’m all yours now. Nothing to throw a fit about.”

There is a short pause from the other end of the call that is broken up only by the sounds of footsteps and Bonk mewling in the background. One soft sigh and a throaty, “You’re all mine?”

“Well,” She sucks on the backs of her teeth and flicks the filter of her cigarette with her thumb, “I guess not. We said we’d wait till after the kid was born. But yeah, I’m all yours. Yours and the kid’s. We really need to name her Beth.”

Another short pause, “I’m still mad but I’m less mad now.”

Avery brings her cigarette back to her grinning mouth.

“How’s work?”

“Taking too long. I wanna be home with you. Have you been okay today? Baby feel like saying what’s up?”

Elizabeth’s laugh is music and gilded after just being the subject of her ire, “Haven’t felt anything. Wish I was. Hey baby?”

A brief moment of shock to let that pet name wash over her system. Long enough that Elizabeth’s breathing pitches up and then down again.

“Shouldn’t have said that. I was just feelin’ lots of feelings. Avery?”

She clears the thickness from her throat, “Mhm.”

“When you get home, will you finish putting the crib together? We need to have everything ready real soon.”

“Shit, yes,” With her eyes squeezed shut, she flicks herself between the eyes, “I keep forgetting. I’m sorry.”

“S’okay. Don’t fret none. What about Lynn?”

“No.”

“You didn’t even think about it.”

“Nothing to think about. Hate it. What about Harvard?”

“We ain’t namin’ our daughter after some prissy school. Why do you want to keep namin’ her after things?”

Avery always gets butterflies when Elizabeth refers to the baby as theirs.

“Hurricane.”

“Oh, stop it. That’s got to be a joke.”

“Hilda?”

“No. You attached to an H name?”

Avery shrugs then realizes Elizabeth cannot see it, “I dunno. I’m just trying to get through the alphabet.”

“Helen.”

“Eh. Honda?”

“No!”

“Oh, Toyota is fine, but Honda isn’t?”

“That’s different! We named him that—“

“I know why. I was messing with you. Like fuck I’m letting that kid get a classic what-the-fuck Beck name. What about Hollis?”

“Hollis? Oh, Avery, I love that!”

Blinking from surprise—she never expected Elizabeth to agree to any name she chose—she sits in muted shock.

“Do you love it? ‘Cause I think that might be the one.”

“You sure?”

“Definitely. Hollis Gene Beck. It’ll be perfect.”

“She doesn’t get Marcus’s last name? Whatever the fuck it was?”

Elizabeth makes a garbled noise of displeasure, “Considerin’ all the legal, small court custody fuss we did before the baby was even born? Ain’t no way that man gets anything to do with her. He said he wanted to pretend like she and I never existed and that damn well is gonna happen. Frankly, honey, I know this is a lot to say especially right now but rather you sign her birth certificate.”

“Wait,” She sits up in her chair rapidly, dragging her boot across the tar lines filling cracks in the pavement, “We can do that? I thought we had to be married.”

“Usually, yeah. But I was lookin’ into it the other day and ah…yeah, it’s something. Just have to apply for registration.”

“Can we do that!? Is it too late!?”

“I ah…I may have filled all that out a handful of months ago. I was gonna ask but I’m chicken shit when it comes to you. I figured, she might bring it up and if she does, I’ll be ready.”

“So I can sign it and we’re all good? Legally?”

Elizabeth sucks in a breath that becomes a sharp crackle over the phone, “Do you…want to?”

“Hey, dude—“

“Avery Charlotte, stop calling me dude.”

“Sorry. But hey, look. Even if shit falls through, and you and I drift apart again, I’m getting custody. Like, I’m in. I said I was locked in, I’m in. And you and Marie keep telling everyone she is my daughter so that’s gotten to my head. Like if we fall apart, I’m getting every other weekend and a month of summer, and I want to be the first person you call to watch her if you have work or a date or what the fuck ever. I want custody, I’ll adopt her. Whatever. That’s my little guy.”

“Lord.”

Avery scuffs her boot into the road, feeling the crawl of awakened discomfort move over her skin. The little sobs scratching at her ear make her hunch over the wheel.

“Too much? It’s just that I’ve been going to all her appointments, I’ve been here for all the stuff—“

“I know, I know that honey.”

“—and I love kids? I never expected to, you know. I didn’t think a woman would want kids with me. I’m sort of not the type women think about settling down with—“

“Oh, Avery.”

“—and it’s you. It’s you. And you keep saying she’s mine and I keep trying to tell myself you’re just being you. Getting excited and being kind. Including me because I’ve been doing all the typical ‘dad’ stuff with your pregnancy. I don’t want to get attached because it could change and it could be you just being nice—“

“It ain’t. It ain’t that. Not about this, her. Or you. It’s not like—I already knew I could trust you with anything. It don’t matter if it was nine years or if it had been twenty. You’re still Avery Hew. You’ve always been the person who made me feel safe, who I know top to bottom the soul of and who I trust. You made me feel like I could do this. And it’s plain how much you love her too, how excited you are. And—lord, don’t hold this against me for saying it too early—but I love you. And you can take that however you want for right now but, there, I’ve said it and it’s true. Heaven forbid we do fall apart again but if we did, this is a done deal.”

Avery feels silly for making a big deal out of a small comment. She is not sure how it all fell out of her. Like she blinked and suddenly they were standing in a sure promise and a confirmation of feelings.

“If you want it to be a done deal,” Elizabeth has that nascent sound of held back tears and embarrassment turning her voice tinny and high, “I don’t want to pressure things.”

“If we couldn’t have gotten the paperwork through fast enough for me to sign the birth certificate, I’d just have adopted her once she was born,” Eyes falling shut, she takes a long drag from her cigarette and in the swelter of smoke filling her, the idea of finalized in her mind, “And I love you too.”

Sniffles and happy interruptions, wet laughter cutting through attempts to mumble something. Then a happy sigh.

“I’m not mad at you anymore.”

“That’s good.”

“Eat the lunch I packed you, Avery Hew. Cigarettes are not a real meal.”

She drops the butt of her cigarette on the road and drives her heel into it to stamp it out. Tiny embers turn to an ashy streak over black tar.

“I am.”

“You better be.”

“When can we start dating?”

Elizabeth makes a choked sound.

“No, forget that. I just wanna—whatever. I’ll see you when I get home. Want me to bring you anything?”

“No. I’m alright, sweetheart,” Elizabeth’s nails tap against the case of her phone, “Have a good day.”

“It’ll be good once I’m home. Let’s watch a movie tonight. Whatever you want. We can even hold hands if you’re feeling frisky.”

“Sounds nice, honey. Love you.”

Avery settles into those words like they are a homecoming, “Love you too.”

Everything is sort of a mess, she realizes. All the mixture of emotions and commitment that she knows she should be flinching at but then recoils from that idea because people do not know her or her relationship with Elizabeth. Basing how she should be behaving off the cultural way to approach romantic entanglement and childcare commitment would never have been applicable here. It is a mess but she finds herself enjoying the opportunity to be embroiled in it.

When Elizabeth goes into labor, she is putting a transmission in. The phone in her breast pocket rings and rings, echoing off the underside of the car while she hefts with all her strength to slot it into the space. Grease is slippery void in the swirl of her fingerprints. Smears of transmission fluid streak her forearm.

“Avery? I think your phone is ringing.” Benedict, currently working on fixing the exhaust leak in the car beside hers, shouts over the music playing. A steady thumping bass to fight the monotonous toll of a silent workplace.

“You don’t fucking say, Bennie.”

Some shuffling after she grunts those words out. Knees hit cement so Benedict can lean on his forearms to look under the car.  

“Why aren’t you using the lift?”

“Broken.”

“Again?”

The phone cuts off. Seconds later light pierces the blue of her work shirt pocket from the screen coming alive and loud ringing bounces off her ears.

Coif of brown hair gleaming from his pomade and earthy brown eyes that always make women turn their heads to catch. Soft and sweet to give him a boyish charm.

“Want help?”

Even with the aid of the transmission jack, she still needs to wiggle it into place, and it keeps bumping something that is knocking it off the mark. She lets it back down into the jack with a loud grunt.

“Yes.”

One of his hands reaches in to snag her phone out of the pocket.

“What the fuck, Ben? I thought you meant with this!”

“You’ve got that,” He shows off his slick grin as he brings her phone to his ear, “Hello? Nah, this is Bennie. She’s under a truck right now. Speaker? Sure.”

He pulls the phone away to squint at the screen, looking for a button while his fat finger hovers over it. When he presses it, he bends down again to hold the phone under the truck between them.

“Beth, baby, I’m sort of busy. Can I call you back?”

Heavy breathing that is slightly distorted by speakerphone. After a moment, Elizabeth’s voice comes through, “I need you to come home. Now. Now Avery.”

She and Benedict lock eyes. The seriousness of whatever must be happening is a blanket thrown over them both.

“Is everything okay? Are you hurt?”

More noise through the phone. A soft, muffled cry that drags out and tapers off into a winded wheeze. That sends a shower of needles over her skin. She holds out a hand that Benedict takes so he can pull her from under the truck, creeper wheels aiding in her travel.

“Beth, what’s wrong!?”

“Hollis. It’s Hollis. I’m in labor, Avery. I need to go to the hospital.”

“Holy fuck,” Benedict breathes, eyes wide and one hand clamped around Avery’s arm.

Adrenaline. A rush of it that flushes her skin and heats her muscles. She is already moving toward the door where her locker is with her personal items. Most of it she does not need but she always locks her wallet in there just in case it falls out while she is working. Bootstraps hurry to keep up with her.

“Ben—“

“Your phone!”

“Shit,” She snatches it from his proffered hand, looking down at the lit-up screen with her heart between her teeth, “Beth, I’ll be there in five minutes. Just hold on.”

“Avery-fuck. Shit, fuck,” Elizabeth stops to make a series of breathed pained noises and hisses over clenched teeth before she speaks again, a few minutes later, “Avery, I know how long it takes you to get home. Don’t you dare speed.”

“I won’t!”

“Don’t lie to me! I need you alive, I’m not raising this child alone!”

“I’m not gonna wreck! Fuck me, Ben can you—“

He is already guiding her toward the shop doors by her arms, “Go. I will handle everything. Call us if you need anything, anything. And call us when she’s born. Good luck Beth!”

“Thank you, Benedict.”

He makes a fist for victory toward the phone then throws his arms around Avery. He has a kindness not to point out that she is shaking.

“Good luck, moms.”

Avery gives him a shaky smile before sprinting to her car. She drops her keys twice because of the trembling hands.

“Avery? Are you still there?”

“I’m here. I’m leaving right now,” The roar of the engine coming to life makes her blood pump so quickly she can hardly hear it afterward, “Are you doing your breathing? Like from the class?”

“Yes.”

“Want me to do it with you?”

A pitiful whine and the breaking of a glass followed by a soft oops that is labored by pain.

“Beth?”

“I’m alright. Just contractions. Avery, hang up the phone please. Don’t drive distracted.”

“Beth, don’t be such a worrier. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Distracted driving is the number one cause of car accidents!”

“Where do you get your facts?”

“Hush, you! I’ll see you soon. I promise not to have her until you’re here. I love you.”

Avery glances at her phone propped in a cup holder as she pulls up to a red light, “Do your breathing!”

“Avery, I love you. I’m hanging up.”

She frowns as she hears the line click signaling the end of the call.

When she arrives back at their home, pulled on the wind of chaos that is filling her, she is frantic. Overrun with adrenaline and now stress. Her ears catch the warble of half-concealed whines and that brings her to the bathroom where Elizabeth is leaned on the counter. An eyeshadow pallet is flipped open on the counter and beside it are a plethora of lipsticks and concealers and brushes tipped out of their cup into the sink. Not on purpose she knows because Elizabeth has told her how much those items cost, and she treats them with as much care as Avery does her Camaro. Both hands grip the side of the sink she is leaned over, head tipped down with her eyes squeezes shut. Dots of concealer speckle her face along the arch of each cheek, down the bridge of her nose, and following the proud line of her brow.

“Beth! What are you doing?”

Elizabeth just lifts a finger to tell her in the universal way wait a moment. Avery tries to be patient but with all the things flooding her, she hops from foot to foot until she cannot stand it anymore. The moment she is within reach, Elizabeth takes her hands and grabs her by the shirt. Her forehead butts against Avery’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. Just breathe.”

After a long few seconds, Elizabeth pulls back blinking hard and licking her teeth with a wince. She pats Avery’s stomach over her work shirt.

“Go get my bag and change. And call my Mama! I need to finish my makeup.”

Avery jolts into action after given orders. Only in the threshold of the doorway do the words register and she comes to an abrupt halt.

“What? Beth, you’re in labor!”

A tiny, frustrated growl slides past her parted lips and she gives a pain dampened glare, “First impressions are very important, Avery Charlotte!”

She only decides to let it down because of the adoring teasing Elizabeth had given her for the outfit she picked out in advance to wear once Hollis was born. Something she has kept hung on the corner of their wardrobe so it could quickly be changed into. While hopping into the coal-colored slacks, she keeps Marie on the phone and assures a great number of things. Shortly after hanging up, buttoning up the crisp cream dress shirt, she calls her brother to tell her the news and tells him that his duty is to go collect Marie because Pete is fishing, and her car is on the shop. Once done, pale pink tie hanging from her collar—clip-on for time efficiency—she rushes to the bathroom with Elizabeth’s go-bag ready to leave.

Big brown eyes blink at her, wet with tears, “Help.”

She sets the pink slip-on shoes by Beth’s feet as she goes to her, “What’s the matter?”

“The contractions are making it too hard to do my lips.”

Avery does not mention that most of the makeup will come off during labor. That very shortly she will not care about if her lips are done or if her lashes are on straight. Clearly this us important to her and even though Avery is buzzing from anxiety, desperate to get Elizabeth to the hospital, she takes the tube of lipstick anyway. Holding Elizabeth by the jaw—they are both trembling, Elizabeth more so—she applies the red smear with more care than she had ever attempted anything with. Lack of skill makes her nervous, adrenaline makes her shaky. Perfume clouds her head.

“I think I did it.”

Elizabeth grips her by the waist, “Thank you.”

“Are you ready to go become a mom?”

“I need to put lashes on.”

“Absolutely not. We need to go.”

“Avery—“

Avery leans down to kiss the mouth she just colored a vicious red. When she pulls away, they both swallow hard.

“You’re going to be fine. You’ve got this.”

Elizabeth squeezes her waist, “You sure?”

“Yep. I’m right beside you the whole way. The whole way.”

One shaky breath partnered with tears that drip over mascara covered lashes, “Lets go become parents.”

Very few times in life has Avery Hew ever cried. Of those times it had always been because of such an intense overwhelming pain, in the heart or of the body, that she could not stop herself. Fighting back tears is a response from her childhood. Too often she was ridiculed or shamed for it and now she finds she unable to even when she needs the release. Sprained ankles, stubbed toes, unexpected expenses, tragedies that come as a surprise. She weathers those by swallowing down her heart and putting herself to work.

When the screaming starts, she cries. Seeing Elizabeth in such pain is an acute agony she did not expect to be so overwhelmed by. Like a blow to the chest, it knocks the air from her. Between pushes, she wipes her cheeks on the shoulder of her dress shirt and pets down the red frizz of her hair where sweat is dampening the color to a dull copper. She kisses the white knuckles of Elizabeth’s hand and nods at each curse that normally would make Elizabeth blush for letting anyone hear her say. She unbuttons the sleeve of her shirt so she can ball the cuff into her palm and use it to wipe Elizabeth’s tears as they come. Somewhere in the room Marie has a hound dog presence but so much of her focus is wholly on Elizabeth that she can hardly recall where even the nurses are at any given moment. Before she takes the scissors being offered to her, she looks back to Elizabeth to gauge permissions being granted. The same hand that was just holding here so tightly it has surely left an imprint on the bones gives her a very weak shove.

After she comes back to Elizabeth’s side, dazed and winded, she whispers, “That was so gnarly.”

When the screaming stops and new screaming begins, she cries anew. Elizabeth is the first one to hold her. They offered the baby to Marie who looked like she coveted the honor but held too much respect for her daughter. Tiny and pink, so wrinkled her eyes are just thin folds in a sea of different creases, Hollis is set upon Elizabeth’s heaving chest. Bundled in a thin white blanket.

“Oh,” Elizabeth’s breathing is still ragged, face red from exertion and lathered in a dewy layer of sweat, “Oh. My baby girl. You’re perfect, my daughter.”

Respect is shown in persevering silence. One finger—nailed painted black to match Avery’s but decorated with pink heart stickers—maps the shape of Hollis’s pinched face with a reverence not even a priest could show to their god. She tugs the blanket down to look at her chubby neck and to look at each tiny sliver of fingernails on tiny fingers. After a moment her head lifts to look around the room, straying on her mother long enough for the pair to share a watery smile. She gravitates to Elizabeth to touch her sweaty hair and lean down to kiss her forehead. Two mothers now, come to an understanding that is a profound thing only understand once it blooms in a person. Words are shared through that bond that are expressed vocally. Then, with a slow blink, Elizabeth turns her head to look at Avery. Remarkably stalwart her makeup turned out to be, tears that stain her cheeks cut only a small path of destruction. Lips though are a horrible smear around her exhausted smile.

“Avery look, look at your daughter.”

Having always been a person of an awkward height, she has to stoop low to get nearer and see the baby from Elizabeth’s angle. Hearst hammering so hard she fears Elizabeth can feel it quaking the bed.

With a wasted tongue, words are slain under the heavy blow of a sudden sob. Both Beck women make soft sounds, cooing words too low for her to hear and giving her doting looks. She touches the small hand of Hollis just with her fingertip. Warm skin against skin makes it so unbelievably real that the rush of euphoria nearly sends her spiraling into laughter of pure joy that is also mixed with tears.

“Whoa dude,” She croaks, thick and starved for air, “You made a whole human. That is unreal.”

Elizabeth seems too tired this time to chastise her for her verbiage. Heavy is her head that falls onto her shoulder. Weight of eyes sit upon her when she peels the blanket back enough to rub the bottom of the tiny foot and the chubby leg that kicks as the baby squirms. She reaches to push her fingers over the curve of her soft head.

“Baldy.” She whispers reverently.

Elizabeth blows out a sound of amusement and softly says her name.

“Don’t start bullying her already. She’s only a few minutes old.”

“Tough break. If she’s part Hew, she needs to learn how to take a hit so she can throw one back,” Avery says all this through a smile so wide it hurts her cheeks, “Can I have a turn?”

“Mhm. Hold on,” Elizabeth tiredly tucks the blanket back around the baby then gives her a light kiss on her head before lifting her up, “Here, take her.”

Light enough that she nearly overcompensates when she takes her. Her arms drop from the surprise.

“Oh, she’s tiny.”

Elizabeth’s laugh is charmed and thin, weak, “Course she is, baby. They always are when they are born. Didn’t all your books tell you that?”

Hooking an ankle around the chair leg, she pulls it under her she sits down. Hugging the baby to her chest, leaned near the bed so Elizabeth can reach her if she wants.

Avery cradles the back of her tiny head, unable to look away from the pinched face and the sluggishly flailing arms. Even the way she squirms is precious. Elizabeth is sharing this with her? Now the burden of lifting up, of protecting, of being a mother is set in her hands. And it is so light, so precious.

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed and nervous, she looks over to the woman laying in bed. Her head is tilted on the pillow, eyes half closed and face still tacky. She reaches lazily to brush her knuckles over Avery’s cheek.

“What do I do now? Do I say hi?”

Elizabeth’s eyelids flutter slowly, growing heavy. Beside her on the other side of the bed, Marie laughs softly. The sort of laugh that is pure affection given noise. The same one that Elizabeth has inherited.

“You can.”

“Can she even hear me?”

Elizabeth’s smile grows so deeply fond, “Go ahead, honey.”

Avery looks back down at Hollis’s little body cradled so carefully in her arms. She hugs her close to the racing beat of her heart.

“You came out bald. Loser.”

Marie clicks her tongue to her teeth and turns her back on them, facing the window, so she can smother her laugh in the crook of her elbow. Elizabeth gives the elbow of Avery’s shirt a soft tug and hisses her name in reprimand.

“But you’re still cute. You took for fuckin’ ever. It’s been almost a day you know. Hey though, check it out,” Avery gestures toward her outfit with a shallow dip of her head, “I dressed up for you. Wore pink for you too. And you’ve got so much shit already. Your great grandma made you a bunch of clothes and blankets. And your grandma over there is gonna stay with us for a bit to make sure we don’t fuck you up for life—“

Marie hisses at the same time Beth does, both of them speaking over each other to chastise her for cussing to the newborn. Avery grins at them and down at her daughter. She leans down closer to whisper to the baby, “Hey bud, I love you a ton. And I’m gonna be so shit at this but I’m gonna do my best. Everyone keeps asking me why I’m like this, acting like I’m crazy for going all in. Your mom has always been the best person I’ve ever known and I’ve always admired her. And the thing is, I’d really do anything for her. Especially now. And I’d do anything for you too. It’s really simple for me. Best of luck kid. I’m gonna try to not fuck you up but I’m sorry in advance. And don’t worry, I’m not ever leaving you. You’re stuck with me.”

When she looks up again, Elizabeth has drifted off to a sleep where her body is angled uncomfortably. The sort that happens when a body is pushed past its physical limit and forces everything into shutdown. Avery fixes her blankets and lifts her arm back into the bed so she won’t wake with it sore or bruised.

Marie is watching still, hand moving Elizabeth’s hair from her head and smiling at Avery serenely.

“You want a turn?”

Marie just keeps smiling. She shakes her head, “Enjoy this moment. I’ll get my turn.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely positive,” Then she lifts his arm to force the sleeve down and looks at her watch, “In five minutes. Starting now.”

Avery surprises herself from the snort of a laugh that escapes.

And thus, Hollis Gene Hew-Beck is welcomed into the world. Given the hyphenated name after just a small hushed conversation that caused both their eyes to mist. One they did not choose to speak deeply of because they both understood the implications of the hyphen.

With everything cleared up—originally there had been some fuss and confusion and mix ups—Avery is allowed on maternity leave. During that time, sleep deprivation makes her loony. Marie stays for the first two weeks just because it is a source of comfort for Elizabeth and evidently something of a tradition among the women in their family. Occasionally she will catch Elizabeth watching her like she is waiting for Avery to complain about overstaying or say something about how strange it is. Eyes sad, face turned down, just waiting. That never comes of course. Marie cooks them meals and packages them up with labels, leaving instructions on them. A blessing for new parents who are often to tired to even feed the newborn let alone themselves. Mostly she does household chores for them that makes Elizabeth get misty eyed and collapse into her mother’s arms.

When she leaves, they are truly on their own as new parents. Having the premade meals helps immensely so once they start to get low, Avery takes it upon herself to make more. The majority of her focus goes toward taking care of Elizabeth so that they, as a team, can take care of Hollis. Their baby is fussy which comes as no surprise. Avery is prepared for it. In their small apartment, the crib is at the foot of their bed and she always jolts away at the first cry. Only when she is too tired does she miss it and each time she feels the bed shift, guilt drags her up.

Once, she is woken by soft hands touching her shoulders and Elizabeth’s sleep rasp cutting through the dark, “Avery, baby. Wake up.”

“Mm. Mm! You okay? Hollis—“

“She’s hungry but I’m so damn tired,” Some guilt but mostly the heavy weight of Elizabeth melting back into the bed, half draped over Avery, “Can you get her? Please? I’ll owe you.”

“Mhm,” Yawning, she stumbles from the bed in her sleep clothes and turns back last second to bend down and kiss Elizabeth’s head, “You don’t owe me.”

“Wait, wait. I just remembered she’s little,” Elizabeth rises like a corpse from their bed, one leg hanging over the mattress, “I don’t want her on the bottle yet. I gotta.”

Avery nods to no one because the room is dark. Stumbling through the shadow, moving on mental imagery alone, she reaches the crib with the wailing baby in it. Still a feather bag of promises, soft against her chest and in her arms, Hollis is less than a pillow. She holds her daughter close to her heart, cheek resting atop her head as she starts to bounce her and sway side-to-side. After a moment, Elizabeth makes a sleepy noise.

“Baby?”

“Shit fuck, right,” She stumbles into action, moving this time toward Elizabeth’s side of the bed, “I forgot. Here you go.”

Baby Hollis is transferred from one set of arms to the waiting set extended for her. Light only comes in through the window with the curtains parted, thanks to the full moon, covering half of Elizabeth in a blanket of white glow. The lace frill along the top of her nightgown is pulled on by Hollis’s needy little fists. A blind casualty in her search for food. Elizabeth shoulders one of the thin straps down her shoulder to let it fall off.

“Can you—“

“Already on it.” Only habit has kept her on her feet most nights. Otherwise, she would stumble and lose herself to the exhaustion. She collects the items they use to wipe Hollis’s mouth and for burping her afterward and brings them to the bed. After throwing the cloth over her shoulder, she checks on the pillows behind Elizabeth and adds another to keep her comfortable. One hand reaches up in the night to pat her cheek.

“If you really loved me, you’d take turns feeding her.” Elizabeth slurs tiredly, smile given a soft highlight by the tilting of her head away from the spear of moonlight.

Avery pats her nearly flat chest, grinning back, “I’ll try but I don’t think she’s gonna like how little I’ve got to offer.”

Sleep deprivation creates a delirium that makes this joke beyond hilarious between them. Elizabeth laughs so hard she has to choke out an apology to Hollis for disrupting her feeding time.

“I thank my lucky stars every day that I have you through all this. That we came back into each others lives. I can’t even imagine how this would have happened if Marcus hadn’t…done all that.”

“You would have left him. Obviously.” Said just sharp enough to show her displeasure for any other option.

Greedy sounds of a starving infant intersperse their whispered conversation. Every once in a while Elizabeth looks down to check on her, touching her head and wiping at the corners of her mouth.

“I hope I would have. I was starting to distrust the woman I was becoming while I was with him. But, I don’t have to worry about that,” Elizabeth tilts her head against the headboard behind her, hair falling over her shoulder to lay over Hollis’s kicking feet, “Because as usual Avery Hew swooped in to save me from my greatest fear I had since that pregnancy test I took in the teacher’s bathroom at school. I really didn’t wanna do this alone.”

Avery, perched on the edge of the mattress by Elizabeth’s hip, wrings the burning wrap between her hands. As always, there is words aplenty she could summon. Would if they were not slimy and barbed on her tongue.

Instead, “Once she’s old enough, I’ll handle this a bit more. Bottles and shit, I mean. I’ll get up and you can sleep. I’ll even do it most nights, if you want.”

A long, wistful sigh that holds every bit of her adoration, “What did I do to deserve you?”

Silence laps at the space between them, filling up then rushing in. A wash that settles over them pleasant as cool waters on a hot day. Broken only by the gurgles from baby Hollis. Avery sets her hand on Elizabeth’s knee while the baby feeds, rubbing circles over the protruding bone.

“Okay, all yours. Take her away,” Elizabeth wipes the baby’s lips and gives her smile head a kiss before passing her over with a yawn, “Want me to keep you company?”

“Fuck off, no. Sleep. You need it.”

Elizabeth’s doting look glows under moonlight, “So do you.”

Avery just gives a shrug as she stands with Hollis, moving the girl to lay over her shoulder the way she saw in the countless YouTube videos she watched. Before she can go pace in the living room, Elizabeth catches her by the sleeve of her shirt.

“What?”

“Kiss?” Just the briefest look of shyness. Something that assumes there will be a rejection but hopeful for the opposite.

Without question or further prompting, Avery stoops to catch Elizabeth’s mouth. A firm kiss that is bitter from the hour and partnered by fingertips grazing her jaw as she pulls away. Darling eyes of tilled earth blink up at her, dazzling for the openness inside them.

“Night Beth.”

“Night, baby. Thank you.”

An offended grunt slips past her lips and she waves a hand over her shoulder, “I signed her damn birth certificate. Don’t thank me.”

Quickly it becomes apparent that Avery and Hollis are a bonded pair not to be separated. Maternity leave for her will end soon and she is miserable for it because Avery is always where Hollis is. Walking around the apartment with the little thing on her chest. Sitting on the floor by the couch while Elixabeth knits or crochets and Avery quietly explains the plot to whatever wretched show Elizabeth adores. Even naps are sometimes shared. Tummy time becomes Avery sprawled on floor next to her daughter, watching her legs and arms kick while she explores the world with bright hazel eyes. When she has to go back to work, she suffers the stuttering in her chest and wet eyes as she says goodbye. Hollis held in her arms because she is still not old enough to hold her own head up, she lays her palm over the girl’s slowly rising chest. When she looks up, Elizabeth is watching with an immeasurably soft look.

“Call me if anything comes up.”

Elizabeth’s smile widens, “I will, baby. Have a good day at work.”

Avery nods, distracted by the happy flailing of Hollis’s chubby arms. Little fingers slap against her forearm.

“Should I call in sick?”

Just a pinch of laughter that falls as snowflakes, a gentle dust upon her sturdy frame. Loosening knots that are spiraling beneath the flex of her ribs. Elizabeth reaches up to hold her by the jaw, the point of her chin cradled in the curve of her palm. Avery sinks into it, pouting slightly.

“Look at you Avery Hew,” One stubby thumb—Elizabeth has stopped wearing the elaborate acrylics since the baby was born—reaches to swipe over her bottom lip, “I used to get butterflies in my stomach when I saw you coming down the hallway and I thought no, this doesn’t mean nothing. I just fancy her in a friend kind of way. I admire her. Now look at us. Look at you, my tough guy. Always talkin’ with your fists first, broody and actin’ like you don’t need nobody. And now we have a baby together. Who you can’t stand to be away from. If my sixteen-year-old self knew that one day the Avery Hew who made her blush would start a family with her—lord.”

Hollis’s flailing hand manages to get a good grip of her sleeve and has pulled the corner of her collection past her lips. Darkened edges now where slobber has soaked, eyes watching Avery’s face as she chews. Avery tabs her thumb gently against her chest.

It is strange. Long ago, she had what felt like no family. After her parents' explosive rejection of her sexuality, she had needed to visit Aiden by having clandestine meetings planned through notes in ripped out spiral notebook paper. Of the last dredges of family held to her back then, one uncle had stepped forth against the threats of disown Kent from her mother and offered Avery some small ways to make money. Though he had been unable to house her—living hours away, Avery had refused and insisted she didn’t want to start over at another school—he had made sure she could have a way to pay for gas and new shoes and school supplies at least. Back then Avery had figured the bleaker road was her truth: she would be alone and she would struggle and she would have to make bad decisions she did not want to make so she could survive. Then: Elizabeth. A girl she had known since middle school who once was a similar height to her then suddenly became a second sun below the higher one in the sky. Who had come even when they only shared longing looks and Avery swore as her heart sang a counter tune that they were not even friends. Sweet Elizabeth Beck who had leaned against her Camaro and invited Avery into a family, into a safer space, who had done it without expectation.

Perhaps this was always going to happen. Perhaps no matter the world, the time or place, she would fall in love with Elizabeth. That things would just make sense. That this woman would coyly shrug her shoulder and give Avery a place to stay and a purpose to be there.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?”

Elizabeth’s hand under her chin snakes away, just long enough for her to push onto the hair at the back of Avery’s head. Ruddy brows hunker over warm, inviting eyes.

“When?”

Avery does not have a proper answer for this. It is the first time she has ever asked Elizabeth on a date.

“We’ll have to get a sitter.”

Elizabeth chews on her lip—Avery knows she is attached too and does not want to split watch with anyone for more than an hour yet—while looking down at their daughter. After a second, she nods and smiled shyly at Avery, “I’ll go on a date with you, Avery Hew.”

“Sick,” Avery leans forward to kiss Elizabeth, quick and affirming, warm and tasting like cinnamon and coffee, “After that, do you want to go on another date with me?”

Now Elizabeth’s tender smile has bloomed, turning mischevious and flirty, “Shouldn’t we see how the first one goes?”

“I’ll buy you steak even if you don’t put out.”

A choked offended noise that is partway a laugh and a light slap to her chest, “Avery Charlotte, that isn’t funny.”

“Do you want me to sell the Camaro?”

All jovial air bleeds away in a heartbeat. It surprises Avery. She did not think Elizabeth would take those words with such a somber air. Her mouth turns into a sharp frown and her body tenses up.

“Honey, why would you ask me that?”

“We have Hollis now. It’s not really a family car and the hospital bills are outrageous. That thing is a classic. Some hobbyist will pay good money for it. Money we could use.”

One set of slow blinks leads to a quivering jaw and  sudden sheen over brown eyes. She reaches to grip Avery by the collar of her work shirt.

“Baby, you love that car. What are you saying to me?”

Avery can only shrug and when Elizaveth stays silent in her teary watch, she adds, “It’s just a car, Beth.”

Already she is shaking her head, “Don’t fib to me, Avery Hew. It is not just a car to you.”

Again, knowing this is true but not wanting to argue on a subject she made her peace with, she shrugs.

Elizabeth gives a sharp tug to her collar, “I love that car. I have a lot of memories in that car and it’s—it means a lot to me. And I know it means more to you. I never want you to make that sacrifice for me. It breaks my heart that you think you even need to.”

“You aren’t asking, I’m offering.”

“Then I’m refusing. Don’t you dare Avery.”

“You and Hollis come first. It’s an easy sacrifice for you two. We could use the money.”

“No. Not for me or us. I’ll be upset with you.”

“Fine,” She smiles as she leans down to kiss Elizabeth’s cheek then Hollis’s wrinkled forehead, “Fine. This doesn’t fix the problem of you needing a car and both of us having one that we can take Hollis around in. Brings us basically back to one.”

Stubborn as ever, Elizabeth frowns deeply and snaps, “Then teach me how to drive the Camaro. Cause you ain’t getting rid of it. You ain’t. Look.” Elizabeth flings a hand toward the wall where new pictures have been added by her. One frame has two windows for two pictures to be kept side by side. On the left is an old picture of Avery sitting on the hood of her Camaro and Elizaveth leaned back against her chest. Arms around her waist, Avery is kissing her neck while Elizabeth laughs so hard her eyes are squeezed shut. In the second photo is the picture Marie took of Avery standing in front of the Camaro, one arm around Elizabeth’s waist while the other is stretched in front of her so her hand can lay on Hollis’s chest. Elizabeth holds their daughter swaddled in pink, gleaming as the sun with her head titled against Avery’s shoulder. Eyes not looking toward the camera but turned down to dote upon the sight of her child.

“That’s fine Beth.”

“No! We can trade vehicles when we need to. I’ll learn how to drive the silly clutch on hills.”

“Ew. And let a girl drive my hotrod?”

“Avery Charlotte. This ain’t a laughin’ matter.”

Practically seething but from a place of righteous protectiveness, Elizabeth huffs as she starts tapping a foot. Her eyes hold a flinty narrowness that cling to Avery as she slips into a hoodie full of holes from cigarette burns and getting caught on objects at work. Elizabeth has sewn a bright pink heart patch over the worst hole. ‘Sorry, I didn’t have anything to match your style, honey. I’ll swap it when I buy some new fabric.’ Avery had forbid her from touching it and demanded it be given pediment residence.

She chuckles, a rasp of metal over whetstone, and winks at Elizabeth, “Plan your slinky outfit for our date.”

“Mhm. Avery Hew, I mean it. Don’t you dare.”

She holds her hands up in surrender, smile a sun that makes Elizabeth’s eyelashes give a slow flutter, “I heard you. I won’t. I was just trying to help.”

“I know that, you silly woman. You always are. That’s why I love you more than anything but I also gotta look after you. Cause you’ll give up your arm if you think I need a third one,” Elizabeth reaches to pat her chest after tugging the drawstrings from their stuck position under her collar, “Don’t make me get mean.”

“You can get mean with me all you want.”

“Don’t be cute,” In a quick move, Elizabeth stands on her toes to give Avery a firm kiss, “Tell me if I need to wear something fancy.”

“I thought you were gonna say sexy.”

One eyebrow lifts with the corner of painted lips, “Do you want me to wear somethin’ sexy from you, Avery Hew?”

Avery purposefully runs her eyes up the length of Elizabeth and grins when their eyes meet again after the journey is complete, “Yeah.”

“Yeah what?”

“Yeah please.”

“Mm,” Elizabeth gives her one more quick kiss, “I’ll call your grandma and see about maybe getting her over here to watch Hollis for us.”

Avery licks her stinging lips, “Sounds good. I’ll see you when I get home.”

“You sure will. Love you, baby.”

“Make sure to wash the sheets after your affair partners leave while I’m at work.”

 Strangled indignation and her fleeing the slapping hands as she goes out the door, “Horrible woman!”

“I love you too!”

Grandma Hew arrives to their apartment, on the Saturday of that first week Avery returned to work, tote bags hanging off both shoulders and light glinting off her visor. Beside her is a haggard Aiden who was the means of her arrival at their apartment without a car. Sturdy as the golf cart is, the thing cannot get her to their home. She bypasses Avery entirely to reach for Hollis cradled in Elizabeth’s arms.

“My baby! My new baby,” She pokes Hollis’s pink-tipped nose, “Hello sweetheart. I brought you presents.”

“Gram—“

One stern finger cuts through the air and gives a firm wag, “Don’t even.”

Avery flings a hand up which makes Elizabeth swallow laughter. From one of the totes a small blanket—quilted by Grandma Hew herself—is produce and flung open with the flick of a wrist to be laid over Hollis. Another item is pluck it to be tucked into Hollis’s hands. A small cream plush of a chicken with a red crown folded over its cloth beak. Hollis immediately starts gnawing on it.

“Thank you, Missus Hew. Those are so cute. And thank you for doing this.” Elizabeth’s voice is a drizzle of honey. She holds her fingers folded over the clutch pressed to her waist. Pronounced in the form fitting raspberry dress she has on that stops at her knees and has a plunging neckline where a gold necklace sits. Freckles show on the exposed parts of her chest and her shoulders because it is sleeveless. Complimented by a black velvet jacket she had not yet put on and is slung over Avery’s arm for safekeeping. Wearing black and gold stiletto heels, she is nearer to Avery’s height than she ever has been before.

Avery finds herself struggling to offer warm greetings and gratitude while her eyes continue to be drawn to Elizabeth’s legs.

Aiden sludges past them to melt into a chair, arms draped over the sides. He gives his sister a weak thumbs up when she questions his health with a raised eyebrow.

Grandma Hew clicks her tongue to her cheek, “This is my grand baby. I’ll babysit whenever you ask.”

Elizabeth has the same look as someone who had just won the lottery, “Well, still. We’re awful grateful.”

“Mhm,” Avery gestures toward their bed area, “Smoke on the fire escape. Don’t let my kid eat anything hazardous.”

Grandma Hew offers a dainty shrug then whispers to Hollis, still loud enough for them to hear, “I’ll let you have a cigarette. You should try things with people you know first.”

“Gram—“ She starts, rolling her eyes.

“Not funny, Gran.” Aiden hisses at the same time.

She rolls her eyes too and waves at them, “Oh, who asked you two. Elizabeth sweetheart, you look real nice.”

Elizabeth brightens, pressing a hand to her stomach nervously, “Do you think? I wasn’t sure if this would still fit. I haven’t quite gotten back into my old shape yet.”

“You’re a star! Avery, tell her she’s beautiful!”

“You’re beautiful Beth.”

“Mean it!”

Avery cuts a fierce glare at her grandmother, “I do mean it! Beth, you’re beautiful. You look amazing.”

Elizabeth has the same adoring look regardless and touches her fingertips to Avery’s cheek, “Thank you, baby.”

Grandma Hew gives a slow shake of her head and, to Hollis, sighs and says, “Kids these days. Worthless. Didn’t even give her flowers.”

“Fuck off, Gram.”

“Rude as hell too,” She emits a loud groan as she sinks onto their couch and holds Hollis to her chest, kicking one foot onto their coffee table, “Does this thing get my stories?”

Avery sets a guiding hand on Elizabeth’s waist while rolling her eyes, “Aiden, deal with that. We have to go.”

Aiden blows out a breath, “I have a kid too, you know. I didn’t agree to babysit Gram.”

Avery pushes air into her cheek and blows it out through the tight seem of her lips. He rolls his eyes and mumbles about how she owes him.

Elizabeth wiggles her fingers at Hollis propped up in Grandma Hew’s lap, “Bye baby. Be good for your grandma, okay?”

Hollis, now finally old enough to hold her head up, turns to watch Elizabeth curiously. After watching the fingers wiggle and looking at the bright smile on her mother’s face, her lips split for a gummy smile and she giggles loudly. One little arm reaches up to curl fingers against her palm, straining to reach what she cannot understand is too far away. Elizabeth makes a little sound at the back of her throat.

“My baby,” She leaves Avery’s side to go take the hand and kiss the small fist, “You’re so sweet. I love you. I’ll be home soon.”

Avery does not rush her. She leans against the wall with her hip cocked out and arms crossed, waiting. If they are late because of this she will not mind.

Elizabeth, however, summons some inner strength to pull away. She reaches to squeeze Grandma Hew’s shoulder.

“Thank you again.”

Grandma Hew—who surprises people with how moody she always secretly is—gives a disgruntled noise and waves a hand, “You’re family sweetheart.”

That delights Elizabeth, she can see it in the light in her eyes. On her way past, she leans down to kiss the top of Aiden’s head. What she whispers to him makes his shoulders sag with relief and he nods.

“Ready?”

Elizabeth reaches for her before she has even finished crossing the room, “More than ready.”

In the elevator, as they descend after leaving, she pokes Elizabeth’s hip and jovially inquired about what was whispered to her brother. There is grumbling and indignation when Elizabeth reveals that she volunteered Avery to help build his chicken coop at his new home.

When they get to the Camaro, she holds Elizabeth by her waist to stop her on the curb. Just so she can open the door for her and, after leaning inside, produce a bushel of pale pink roses and white lilac. Elizabeth takes them into both her hands with her lips parted and awe filling her face.

Avery grins, hand holding down her tie that keeps flipping up in the wind, “As if I wouldn’t get you flowers. Come on.”

Elizabeth presses her nose into the soft foliage to inhale then draws away grinning. She steps in to snag Avery’s tie and gives a tug that pulls at the back of her neck. She lets herself stumble forward into a searing kiss. Lifted upon heels, she still needs Avery to bend a little for their mouths to meet but once they do, happy noises tickle her teeth and fingers creep into her hair. One remains firmly holding her tie. One tiny push against her stomach pushes her back into the car door, cool metal chilling her skin through suit jacket and dress shirt. Elizabeth leans into her, one hand braces against the window while the other pulls her down by the tie. When she finally pulls back to let Avery breathe, her eyes are dark and her lipstick is a mess.

Grinning, she lets herself stay pinned to the car and reaches instead to keep Elizabeth against her by gripping her waist. Elizabeth’s lashes flutter and she, noticing what she has done, makes a noise and starts fixing the tie now mostly pulled out and loosened.

“All that for flowers?”

Elizabeth, pink in the cheeks, whips the tie free and casts out over her neck again to redo the knot. Avery watches with a twinkle in her eye.

“I bet that is how most men wished women reacted when they got flowers.

“Hush.”

“You must really like roses.”

At last, the slap she was expected touches her bicep and fills her with butterflies. One stern finger pokes her chin.

“Knock it off! It weren’t the flowers at all,” Elizabeth smoothes her palm down the tie she just fixed and sighs, “It was the gesture. And I was lookin’ for an excuse. I just really love you, Avery Hew.”

“Well,” She wipes a bit of red smear off her bottom lip with her thumb, grinning for the way Elizabeth’s eyes closely track the movement, “You can maul me whenever you feel like it. No excuse needed. Just like old times.”

“Oh you,” Elizabeth bends to collect the flowers she dropped, plucking at the lonely petals abused by such a fall, “I didn’t do that.”

Avery does not point out the falsity. That she had to start swapping her tank tops for hoodies to hide some of the army of kiss-bruises eager Elizabeth Beck left on her neck. Nor the way she would put on fresh lipstick just to leave a mark on her stomach or the hollow of her throat that she could marvel at with a possessive light in her eye. Nor how she would race off the grass after cheer practice to drag Avery into the back of the Camaro.

“Wanna get the door for me, handsome?”

“Guess I should.” They share a happy smile as the door comes open and Elizabeth pats her cheek before climbing into the passenger seat. When Avery settles in the driver’s side, Elizabeth leans over the console to kiss her cheek. Hiding her pleased smile in the bushel of flowers hugged to her chest.

“Am I covered in shit?”

Still smiling, “A little bit.”

Avery leans over her knees to pull open the glove compartment while they sit at a red light. From it, she produces the small pack of makeup wipes she has kept in her car for Elizabeth since the first time she asked for them and did not have them to offer. When she sets them in Elizabeth’s lap, the woman holds them like they are a bar of solid gold.

“Wanna clean up your mess? I wanna try to look nice for where we are going.”

Looking far too pleased with herself, Elizabeth plucks a lavender scented wipe free and leans over to swipe over her lips.

“You mean you aren’t driving us to a field to fool around?”

“Oh, you’re feeling really nostalgic tonight. Do you want me to?

Elizabeth crumples the wipe into her first with a slowly growing sly smirk, “Maybe.”

“After dinner maybe,” She reaches over to curl a hand around Elizabeth knee as they drive, enjoying the sensation of Elizabeth tracing her tattoos with the tip of her nail, “Not sure how we did that as kids though. I might throw my back out trying to get back there and I’m not sure I’ve got the knees for it anymore.”

First Elizabeth blows out a snicker through her teeth and rolls her eyes affectionately. Then, after moving down the highway a few miles, she gives the backseat a look of concern that causes Avery to laugh.

Clattering sounds. Scraping chairs on concrete floor and chatter occasionally interrupted by deep-in-the-gut, chest shaking coughs. Loud, disgusting throat cleaning. At the front of the room sounds of balls spinning up in a wire tumbler catch the edge of the microphone held in a reverend’s hand.

“Hey,” Grandma Hew snaps beneath her nose which happens to be above Hollis’s head, “Focus up, kid. This shit is serious.”

Today Grandma Hew’s outfit consists of a silk Ferrari windbreaker that she has altered with sequin flame decals coming up the cuffs to the elbows and a matching bucket hat. Her glasses-chain has been swapped out for the thin gold chain holding a lump of fake emeralds. Not in her usual hand tooled loafers but instead in the absurdly expensive fashionable Nikes that Aiden bought her. High waisted jeans that her shirt is tucked into. An outfit to strike fear into the heart of her geriatric nemesis sitting at the table in front of them.

Wrapped in mink, hair a silver stain under florescent lights, and smile the yellowing bone handle of a knife. Gale preens her shawl as she looks over her shoulder at Grandma Hew and grins with her red stained lips.

“That fucking bitch.”

Hollis turns away from chewing on the beak of her chicken plush to follow the sound of her grandmother’s deep voice. Eyes like drizzles of sun-baked honey framed by little soot-smears for lashes. One glance down from Grandma Hew and a little poke to her chest makes the baby erupt into giggles. Avery pulls her small beanie back down over her head while she shakes her head.

“Beth said we aren’t allowed to cuss around the baby anymore. She said if Hollis’s first word is a cuss she will skin us all.”

Grandma Hew—ring on every finger, all gold with different jewels and designs—wiggles her fingers to wave Avery off, “What your woman doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

Avery blows out a sound of amusement through her nose, “That is why you’ve been divorced five times.”

“It is not,” Grandma Hew flicks her eyes up to find Gale watching and makes a show of adjusting her glasses with her middle finger, “Men can’t handle all of this.”

Avery leans down to whisper near Hollis’s head, “Grandma is a nasty old freak.”

“Shh, shut up, hush!”

From on the stage, a ball is handed over to the unpleasantly fake smile in a suit. The little white band peeking behind his collar matches the white veneers.

“Alright! We got….B42!”

Grandma starts slapping the table by Avery’s elbow, disrupting a pile of clear plastic discs and the ink dot pens sitting on the table. Three sheets are spread in front of Grandma Hew like battle maps awaiting the discerning eye of a hardened veteran. Two more have been given to Avery to watch over. Instead of checking, she stops Hollis’s quest to secure one of the plastic discs that will surely end up in her mouth. Grandma Hew puffs out a frustrated exhale of defeat. Looking up, Gale is watching and grinning. Slowly she holds up one of her cards with a big red ink spot over the space just called out.

“Fucker.”

Avery shakes her head at Hollis and gestures to say without words, can’t you believe her? Hollis’s whole body lifts from the loud sound she makes, gums chomping down on the chicken’s head. On the table, her phone lights up with an incoming message. Seeing Elizabeth’s name on the screen fills her with fluttery feelings.

How is bingo?

She glances over at her grandmother taking a long sip from her water and shaking out her hands. Mumbling to herself that the next one will be her number.

The baby is better behaved than the old woman.

Of course she is! She’s my angel <3

Is Grandma Hew still feuding with her sister-in-law?

Avery glances up at Gale to watch her take a sip from her own water and tug on her gloves that are showy for bingo night.

Ex sister-in-law. These two are fucking ridiculous. How are things on your end?

Got all my chores done and now I don’t know what to do with myself. Both of my babies are gone, and I’ve still got most of the day. You should come home early.

The plan was you get to rest and have the whole day to yourself. I thought you were going to get your nails and hair done?

What comes next is a frowning emoji and a handful of pictures. Two of Elizabeth’s hands, right and left, to show off the burgundy nail set embellished with black and white and gold. One picture is Nick—who accompanied her on her day out—holding up her hands now sporting a matte black set that have gossamer spider web designs in black over them. Next is an image of Elizabeth standing in what she presumes of the salon, using a mirror, to show off her loosely curled hair. Shorter now by a few inches—gone from the middle of her back to chest—and now with bangs. Swept to the side so they frame her face.

Avery finds herself distracted by the gold eyeliner cutting a bold line through the dark eyeshadow. The power in its presence makes the color of her eyes brighter. Alluring in a mystical way for how it alludes her that Elizabeth always makes her breath catch in her catch.

Finished an hour ago. You’ve been gone for ages.

Avery’s licks the sharp edge of her canine as she stares at the picture of Elizabeth. Smiling serenely in the way that has always arrested the heart from Avery.

Can you send me another pic of your nails and hair? But without your clothes on so I can really see them.

Avery Charlotte. If you want that kind of attention, then you best get your butt home and get it in person.

You look so good. Christ you are the hottest woman.

Thank you baby. <3

“G14!”

A slap against her arm nearly sends her phone flying from her hand. She slaps her grandmother back—far more gently—and leans forward over Hollis to check the stupid papers. Bitterly she uncaps a pen to dot the space on her sheet. Grandma Hew gives a victorious pump of her fist that becomes a pointing finger when Gale looks over. Glowering now.

After bingo, we were gonna go antiquing until Hollis gets cranky for a nap.

That’s gonna be hours! I’m just gonna drive down.

The point was you get a break! We both are back to work now and our weekends are nothing but baby time. A whole day, Beth.

I don’t care. I’m going crazy sitting on my hands. I miss my girls. I’ll see you in a little. <3

You have the whole apartment to yourself. Catch up on some reading or your shows that we haven’t been able to watch.

I’m already putting my shoes on.

Not gonna get interrupted by a crying baby. No where to be. Now would be a great time to visit the stuff you keep in your drawer by our bed.

Avery grins while her thumbs fly over the screen. In her mind’s eye she can picture the color filling Elizabeth’s face. How she is probably touching the back of her hand to her flaming cheeks and biting into her lip while she thinks of a way to chastise Avery for being so crass.

Avery Charlotte Hew.

Victory feels like a rapidly beating heart and the rush of love that makes her teeth prickle. She pokes Hollis’s nose and whispers, “Got her.”

I thought about it.

Avery’s eyebrows lift from utter shock.

But you didn’t?

No, I did. I just wish you had been here. I really wish you had been here.

Licks of flame caress her spine beneath hot skin. She feels the surprise of having the tables turned on her with delight. Starting the relationship they intended to delay but could not for the enormity of their feelings while handling a baby had come with plenty of difficulties. One of many being their inability to spend alone time together.

And stay out of my drawer, you snoop.

I heard something buzzing and decided to scope out the competition.

!!! You did not!!!! Lord you are more trouble than you’re worth!

How often do you use them?

I’m not telling you that!

I’m just saying, if you’re doing it while I’m around I’d love to watch. I bet you look so good. I’m picturing you taking all your clothes off first. Propping the pillows up behind you. The way you’ll look spread open on the bed. I know you, Elizabeth Beck. You always play such a good girl but I know the way you are. I haven’t forgotten. You’ve always been so needy and impatient. I bet you’re no different with yourself. I picture that you whine the first time you touch yourself. And because you’re so impatient you have to get yourself off once, quickly, before you can even start to have fun.

“If you’re gonna be on your phone the whole damn time, gimmi those.” Grandma Hew huffs, slapping her palm down on one of Avery’s sheets to pull it into her pile.

“Gram, have you considered therapy?” She glances down at Hollis draped over her chest. The chicken beanie has risen up against because she has gracelessly smushed her face into Avery’s chest. Both little eyes have fallen shut. She is pleasantly surprised that Hollis was able to fall asleep in the crowded noisy room. She figured the nap later after the antiquing would be the hell to pay. Pulling the stroller up alongside her chair and hitting the brakes, she lays her baby down inside slowly and gently. From the pocket behind, she pulls out a blanket to cover the girl with.

She melts down into the chair now that she can, kicking her legs up in the seat of the chair across from her and crossing them at the ankles.

“What the hell do I need therapy for? I’m old. In a couple years I’ll get dementia, and it won’t matter anyway. Just a waste of money.”

Avery swallows her laugh so it doesn’t draw attention, “Aren’t you loaded?”

Grandma Hew flips her hand distractedly through the air near her head, “Only thing my husbands ended up being good for.”

“And you won’t pay for therapy but you’ll burn it in bingo pots and Saturday card games and yard sales?”

Grandma Hew makes the gesture of drawing a zipper shut, “I raised you to be cool. You’re not being cool right now.”

Her phone buzzes on her chest.

“I’m being very cool.”

What would you be doing while you watch me?

Another pleasant surprise that puts knots of pure fire into her. Hot things that sink and settle, turn to a pool of pure desire.

What do you want me to be doing?

That’s not fair. You started this and I’m no good at this sort of thing.

Come on babygirl. Use your words.

I don’t know. I just want you to touch me.

See? Impatient.

“I18!”

“Motherfuck—yes. Choke on that, Gale. Did you—where’s my grandchild?”

“Actually fell asleep. Guess we won’t need to push nap time after all.”

“Good kid. She’s a Hew. I’m doubting you less and less.” Grandma smacks the back of her fingers against her pile of bingo cards to indicate what is causing the lack of faith.

Avery’s smirk has heat lifting from it, clouding her scratchy head. She watches the ellipses appear then vanish and appear again a few seconds later.

I want you close. I want you to touch me while you watch.

Where?

Everywhere.

Do you want me to kiss your thighs?

Yes

Bite you? Pull your hair? Rub your clit while you fuck yourself with your vibrator? Or do you want me to fuck myself next to you? So you can watch me come while you ride your own fingers?

There is a long pause there. Long enough for Avery to check on Hollis and for a few more numbers to be called out. Long enough that she realizes it is not just Elizabeth being shy. Realizing what must actually be happening makes her bite into the meat of her cheek.

Are you touching yourself right now?

Yes.

Tell me what you’re doing.

Another long pause. Gale looks back, face drawn into a sharp grimace to glare at Grandma Hew. More subtle middle fingers, mouthed curse words, and violent stamping from ink pens.

Avery holds her water to her cheek to help lower the scorching heat under her skin.

I just used my fingers. I couldn’t wait, like you said. I tried to go slow. I pictured how you’d do it, if you were here. I closed my eyes and imagined your voice while I ran my fingers over my skin. I want you so badly. I’m so tired of waiting.

What did you do?

I rubbed myself while I fingered myself.

Avery squeezes her thighs together under the table.

Let me see.

Molten seeds of flame waiting to burst into life sit in the cradle of her pelvis. Turning her muscles lax and dripping, everything slow and heavy and hot. When the next text comes, she bites into her lip to keep the delighted groan from slipping out. A picture of Elizabeth’s belly, freckled and pink from a full body flush. The bottom of her breasts are caught in the image and the top of her lower body. Freckled hips made wider after childbirth and just a bit of wiry red hair. Elizabeth’s hand is draped over her stomach, over her navel, and wetness shines on three of her fingers.

So greedy. It’s barely been ten minutes.

Avery, please. I am too riled up for you teasing me. I haven’t had good sex in a long time. I’m so beyond desperate.

?? Are you trying to tell me something? We have had sex since we started dating.

Only twice! And it had to be quick and we had to have our clothes on. My knees are still sore from sitting in your lap in the Camaro. I want all of you. I want to see all of your tattoos.

Want me to send you pictures?

Christ Avery. Do not tease me right now.

Soon. I promise.

Soon isn’t quick enough.

Luckily, you have plenty of tools at your disposal. Why don’t you use one right now, pretty girl.

You’re the worst. I feel more…tense now than I did before. I’m so needy right now. For you. Want to come finish me off again?

Fuck, yes. I am soaked right now and I’m still at bingo.

Good. You know how I feel.

It’s not the same at all. At least you can get off. You still coming down?

Yes. I miss you both. I want to go antiquing with you. When is bingo over?

When someone dies, I think.

Okay <3 I’ll be there in a while. I need to shower. I love you.

Love you too. Drive carefully.

An hour and forty five minutes later, bingo finally ends in a shouting match and Grandma Hew flinging a pile of plastic coins at Gale. A little spat—Gale grabs Grandma Hew’s long braid and pulls on it, calls her a giraffe and a bitch—that sends them out onto the sidewalk to travel to where they parked. Pushing the stroller down the bumpy way is what wakes Hollis from her nap and there needs to be an emergency soothing that has her bouncing the girl in her arms while she offers a bottle lunch.

They go to the little family car that is technically Elizabeth’s now but the one they take turns using depending on who has Hollis. Parked beside it is her restored Camaro and Elizabeth is standing there, arms folded holding her elbows, while her toe taps. Once she sees them, her eyes light up. Then she sees Avery and she goes instantly red.

“Beth! I was cheated!” Grandma Hew shrieks, stalking over to point a violent finger back the way they came from.

“Hey Grandma,” Elizabeth gives her a quick hug, “What happened?”

“Don’t ask that,” She approaches, pleases with the slight dilation to Elizabeth’s pupils just because Avery is near her, “Hey there. You were supposed to stay home.”

“Oh hush.” She waves her hand in Avery’s face giving her the opening to grab it and bring it to her lips. The moment her lips grazes the skin of Elizabeth’s fingers, she turns a charming shade of red.

“These are pretty,” Avery rubs her thumb tip along the tapered point of one new acrylic nail, “How did you—“

Before she can even finish the second word, Elizabeth rips her hand away to slap it over Avery’s mouth. Eyes wide, mouth trembling from how hard she is pursing her lips. When Avery starts shaking from laughter, that makes her love blink and rip her hand away to start slapping her shoulders.

“You are the worst! I don’t know what I did to have to suffer you!”

“I was going to say how did you know where to find us?” The grin she shows is an indication that Elizabeth knew the truth of her original question and that Avery is teasing her.

Elizabeth sputters and, after not finding the right words, gives her a weak punch to the shoulder. She flips her hair over her shoulder, smacking Avery with it, as she bends down to collect Hollis from her stroller. Pure delight fills her after that, washing away embarrassment and frustration. She kisses each of Hollis’s little hands and drinks in her giggles with the softest doting look. Avery is banished to driving the Camaro around alone after Elizabeth takes the keys to their SUV. Even though she remains visibly irritated with Avery, Elizabeth snags her by the shirt to pull her in for a quick kiss before she gets into her car.

The way everything inside smells like Elizabeth’s perfume just reminds her of the sticky want making her squirm in her seat.

When she gets home there is an uninterrupted silence and a stillness unnatural to her apartment anymore. Ringing for how quiet it is. In the kitchen there is a large box with a folded up slip of paper left atop it.

“Beth?” There is no answer except the ringing of her own voice in her ears. Frowning, she plucks the paper between two fingers and unfolds it to read the small note scribbled there.

Hey baby! Mama showed up to surprise me and we went out. I’ve got Hollis, don’t worry. Should be home soon. Probably won’t be more than four hours? I got us a new dining table. Can you put it together, pretty please? I’ll bring you supper. Text me once you get this and tell me what you want. I’ll grab it on my way home.

Love you xoxoxo

B

Bonk, now a slinky young teen, emerges from beneath a chair to attack one of her shoelaces. She looks down at him, wiggling her foot a bit to give him a challenge.

“We got chores to do, bud.”

He flips onto his back, teeth showing as long curved of pale white stark against bis void fur. Paws bat at the lace even with it chomped in his mouth. He struggled and twists when she bends to scoop him up but relaxed once he is turned over like a baby because Elizabeth spent so much of his life carrying him like a baby. His big eyes look around the apartment as she removes her books, drops keys into the bowl, and goes to retrieve her tools. After too long, he grows bored, and she lets him down when he starts gnawing on her thumb.

Knife slipped under tape, she just has gotten the box open when her phone starts to ring.

“I’m already on it Beth. Where did you get this thing?”

“Forgot about that,” Wind is blowing against her causing odd sounds through the phone, “Hi. How was your day?”

“Would have been better if I didn’t get called in on a Saturday. How’s whatever you’re doing?”

“Mm? Oh. Fine. Mama got a call from some friends that live near us and she’s gonna go have dinner with them. She’s taking Hollis with her, to show her off.”

Avery lifts a brow that Elizabeth cannot see, “And you’re letting her? Without signing a waiver and attaching a billion cameras?”

“Hush! I’m not that bad!”

“Yes, you are.”

“She’s my only baby!”

“It’s fine. I get it. I’m just surprised you’re letting Marie take her without a threat of death.”

“She’s my Mama. And…maybe a tiny threat of death.”

“That sounds more like you,” She starts tugging on plastic wrap and styrofoam to pull out pieces with one hand, “So you’re coming home?”

“Mhm! Mama will bring Hollis back in an hour or two. So forget about the table for now,” The sound of a door beinf opened mixed with jingling car keys and jeans sliding over leather seats, “I’m gonna be there in ten or fifteen.”

Excitement swirls through her in a sudden burst. She lets the tool bag down and drops the bag of screws and bolts fall into it. Already moving toward their bedroom to throw off the pile of pillows to the floor.

“Did you wanna do something?”

There is a soft strain of music—steel guitars and warbling singing and the thump of tambourines mixed with mandolin—when the car is started. A long, full-bodied sigh.

“Don’t even bother having clothes on when I get home. We’ve got at least an hour free to ourselves. You had better be waiting for me in that bed.”

Avery starts unbuttoning her work pants, “See you in a bit.”

“Mhm. Yes you will. Love you.”

Avery goes to their wardrobe to pull open the lowest drawer where she keeps some things stored. Rifling through for the harness and attachment. Both are tossed onto the bed that she flops into.

“Love you too.”

She only strips down to her underclothes while she waits. Lounging atop their bed, playing on her phone to pass the time. When she eventually hears the key on the lock and the jingle of Bonk’s collar from his response to hide and attack ankles, she drops her phone. Soft curses from the expected ankle attack and muffled laughter as the cat is shooed away. Keys in the bowl, shoes kicked off, proceeding the pattern of footfall across the floor.

Elizabeth steps around the pole that their sofa is near to enter their bedroom area. A big smile is lighting up her face, hair tacky from a light rainfall outside creating the effect of hundreds of diamonds glittering upon waves of fire.

Avery, ankles crossed, and arms folded behind her head, smiles back, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Breathless still, eyes running over the length of Avery while she leans down on one leg to rip her socks off, “I’m sorry this isn’t more romantic.”

Avery watches the jeans get wiggled down past the flare of her girlfriend’s hips and the taper of her lean thighs. Pale pink underwear that do not match the black sports bra exposed when she pulls her sweater over her head. Thin chains of gold glitter against the freckled skin. One necklace with a tiny, thin golden H that she got after Hollis was born.

“Do we need it to be romantic still?”

Elizabeth shrugs, still beaming from unending excitement and adoration, “You deserve romance. You deserve everything.”

Avery pushes her lips to one side of her face, “I dunno about that.”

“I do. Next time, I’ll make it perfect,” Elizabeth plants her hand on the bed beside the harness, noticing it when the bed dips from her weight and it slides into her wrist, “What’s this?”

“Not romantic,” Avery’s slick grin is dripping desire, “Want me to fuck you with it?”

A long piece of matte blue silicone is held between Elizabeth’s hands. She licks her lips as she realizes the two parts make a whole.

“You—did you buy this?”

“Mhm.”

“Lord,” Elizabeth curls her fingers tightly around it and her smile has dimmed only because her lip is now held between her teeth, “Put it on.”

Avery slips off the bed to obey. The moment she is within reach, hands slip over her stomach and feel across her back while kisses begin traveling over her shoulders and neck. Prickling sensations of pleasure from being touched, from the light press of nails when Elizabeth squeezes or grips at a part of her. The eagerness from her partner makes it difficult to focus already. Elizabeth seems to forget already that she made a demand because she is turning them around so she can walk backwards toward the bed. Her fingers twist into Avery’s hair to pull her down, seeking their lips together as her back hits the mattress. Her legs fall open to make space for Avery to align her hips in a way that meets with Elizabeth’s. One impatient whine tickles her lips, ringing in her ears. Nails drag lightly down her back, one leg lifting to curl around Avery hips that grind down to meet Elizabeth’s. When she kisses Elizabeth’s neck, soft moans send ripples of heat through Avery. Blood buzzes in the heart of her that is beginning to beat wildly out of control. Months of longing and only a few quick moments for release have created a build up to this moment they cannot be patient for. Avery does not even begrudge her impatience. Does not tease her with fingertips and making her whine and beg for more. Both of them are breathing ragged already. Hips touch from Elizabeth impatiently lifting her hips to wiggle her panties down. Avery helps pull them the rest of the way and with the removal of their bras. Upon the first press of skin to skin, a contented sigh from Elizabeth brushes over her mouth.

For as impatient as Elizabeth always is for sex—something Avery is sure comes from the natural instinct to stymie her desires—there seems to be an even blend here. Clutching and grinding at Avery but also not asking for things to be rushed nor grabbing Avery’s hand to guide it where she wants. In silence of her own mind, growing foggy now, she is grateful for the opportunity to familiarize herself with the woman Elizabeth has grown into. Sensitive all over, especially the breasts and her thighs. Less muscular than she was as a teenager and marked by the signs of childbirth. The type of beauty that is a rose bloom held in hand as it unfurls, each petal a soft spark of a divine collection and all breathtaking as a whole.

Avery moves down her body slowly, taking her time. Grasping at her breasts, Elizabeth whines and lifts her hips to grind against Avery. Kissing one nipple makes her twitch and blow out a hissed curse. Fingernails scrape behind her ear, gripping at her hair as she moves down her ribs. Kissing each protrusion of the bone.

When she looks up, Elizabeth is watching with her lips parted and darkened eyes. Avery watches the way pleasure twists her face when she touches fingers to the slick crux between her legs. Her thumb slips across her swollen clit, just applying enough pressure for Elizabeth to find friction when she lifts her hips. She kisses the inside of a trembling thigh, sucking at the point of contact to leave a vivid bruise. Moving to the other and only managing to make another two before Elizabeth gives her hair a sharp tug. She rapidly replaces her thumb with her tongue. Parting the folds with a firm stroke of her tongue to collect a proper taste from her, humming her pleasure. Nostalgia washes over her with the high-pitched moan Elizabeth lets free. She works diligently. Eyes closed, enjoying the sounds that scratch at her ears and the muscles tensing under her hands, the fingernails against her scalp and her shoulders. When she moves down to push her tongue deep into Elizabeth. The fingers lay over the back of her neck to pull her head closer when her hips lift to push onto her tongue, grinding to seek more.

Clearly not enough. Impatient whines intersperse the moans. Clarity comes within memory of their quick romps as teens. Their flustered attempts at something they thought, at the time, was the most profound experience of their lives. Avery pulls back just long enough to suck on her own fingers, covering them to make them slip into Elizabeth without friction.

“Oh fuck,” Elizabeth slaps a hand onto the bed by her hip, turning her face into her pillow with her eyes squeezed shut, “Fuck, that’s—“

Her voice cuts off, sundered by a moan that rips from her throat when Avery curls her fingers up at the same time she laps at her clit. Now work moves steadily. At a pace that grows fractionally faster, matching the pace of Elizabeth’s grinding hips and her slew of sounds and praise. Each time she rolls her tongue over the stiff clit, she feels the responding clench around her fingers that makes her stomach tighten. Heavy breathing between high pitch moans. Her back begins to lift off the bed, fingers pulling harder and harder on her hair until she unravels. Avery keeps pumping her fingers into her, kissing her clit each time she scissors her fingers. Elizabeth twitches each time, petting her hair down to her scalp that she made a mess of.

“Okay,” Whispered raggedly, licking her red lips that her teeth ravaged, “Okay baby, that’s good.”

“You taste so good.” Avery licks her lips and the back of her hand after she wipes the wetness that rolled down to her chin.

“Oh lord,” Elizabeth drapes an arm over her red face, absently rubbing her fingertips beneath her breasts where her skin is sensitive, “You ah…you’ve gotten better at that.”

“Mhm,” Avery enjoys how Elizabeth’s stomach dips under her when she bends to kiss it, “Can I do it again? That was over too quick.”

“Mhm. Please. No,” Elizabeth blinks slowly at her, hunger returning to the lax features and growing sharp, and gestures down toward the end of the bed, “Put that on. I want you like that.”

“Like what?”

“Oh Avery, don’t. I am—“

Avery leans over her, palms on the bed by her head, and bends down for a kiss. She hovers near her, close enough that she can dodge back when Elizabeth lifts to meet her. A tiny snort of frustration.

“Don’t tease me,” Elizabeth holds her by the back of her neck to pull her down, crushing their lips together, “I want you inside me. Please.”

“Better,” She leisurely kisses her way across Elizabeth’s jaw to her neck, sucking at the pulse point there, “Gimmi a second.”

“Mhm.” Blankets rustle from the leisurely stretch Elizabeth does after Avery gets off her. She combs through her messy hair, eyes half closed and dark from the heady desire that still soaks her. She watches Avery step out of her boxes that has a wet stain on them now from Elizabeth grinding against the front of them.

As she steps into the harness, Elizabeth speaks in a husky voice, “Do you remember when we tried to buy one of those in high school and they wouldn’t sell it to us because I wasn’t eighteen yet?”

Avery chuckles, hearing the embers of want heating up her already gravely voice, “You were so embarrassed. I dunno why you didn’t just let me go in alone.”

“The person working there was a woman, Avery. A very attractive woman.”

She slots the dildo into the harness with practiced ease, “You are the most jealous woman I know.”

“I was a teenager, and we were being stubborn and silly. I was territorial because we weren’t official.”

“Like two days ago, the barista told me my tattoos were really hot and put her number on my cup and you called her a hussy slut and a home wrecker.”

“Whatever. We didn’t have anywhere to hide it anyway. I still want to die when I think about Mama finding the vibrator you left under my bed. What were we even doing with that shit at our age, lord.”

“Oh I forgot about that thing,” Avery sets her knee on the bed, tightening the straps so the harness is flush to her hips, “We put a lot of miles on that thing.”

Already flush from the exertion of her first orgasm, she somehow manages to grow redder. Rubbing her hand over her throat blossoming with bruises made by love, she gives Avery a half-hearted glare.

“Don’t be crass.”

“You say that to me like you aren’t always twice as horny as I am on a normal day.”

Elizabeth opens her arms to welcome Avery as she crawls closer, sliding her palms over her muscular shoulders. One hand slides up her bicep, thumb tracing the definition line up to where it turns into her shoulder.

“No one needs to know that,” Elizabeth whispers, muscles jumping from the touch of the dildo scraping her inner thigh, “Except you.”

“Our little secret is what a whore you are for me?”

Elizabeth shudders, lashes fluttering slow, “Yes.”

“Let’s see it then.” Avery rolls off Elizabeth to settle into the bed on her back, stretching her legs out with a self-satisfied grin. Charged air from the excitement, from the simmering desire being rekindled. Elizabeth lifts herself onto her elbows to study Avery’s face then looks down to the toy laying over her lower stomach.

“Me on top?”  

Avery folds her fingers behind her head with a grin. Elizabeth slides against her side, pressing her heavy breasts against her when she leans down to kiss her. Fingernails scrape gently around the curve of her ribs. One pointed acrylic traces the shape of a woman tattooed beneath a small breast then down to a skeleton. Her thumb swipes over it after she leans down to kiss it, wiping away any spit transferred.

“You always were so beautiful, Avery Hew,” A heavy sigh that bleeds longing, wistful for old times and mourning their lost years, but also rife with affection that comes from the abundance of life she feels now, “Somehow how you grew up into such a fine woman.”

She did not expect this. Squirming from the compliment and from the heat of Elizabeth’s gaze, from the intensity of her honesty. Down past the bumpy ridges of her abdomen, over her navel to grasp the toy at the base. Avery is surprised to feel the jump in her stomach that settles as a bristling heat licking at her bones itching under her skin. Watching with the one eye not obscured by red hair the way she moves her hand up the toy, slowly, at the same time she licks a hot stripe up the side of her neck.

“It’s like you’ve always been waiting for me, I swear. My soulmate. The same girl who hit Ian over the head with a lunch tray to defend me—lord, maybe I fell in love with you then. My perfect girl.”

She releases the toy only long enough to rub her palm through the slick between her thighs, coating each finger. A happy sigh when she briefly plunges her fingers into herself to get them lubricated. Light pools on the shine of her arousal that she spreads over the toy, gripping it in a fist and working it up and down. Elizabeth throws a leg over her hips to settle there, pushing the toy flush to her lower stomach. One short pump of her hips makes Elizabeth’s eyelashes flutter and a muted groan pushes against her sealed lips. Avery reaches to grip the hips that roll, drawing a jagged circle as she grinds down at the shaft of the toy. Blemishes cover her pale, freckled skin from their earlier quick tumble. Lines from the bedsheets, bruises beginning to bloom from Avery’s passion. Glimmering where sweat rolled and where she touches her slick fingers against her breasts and curves around to hold the back of her own neck. Avery tries to sit up so she can follow the trails with her tongue but Elizabeth plants a hand center in her chest and shoves her back down.

“Now, now,” Elizabeth leans down to kiss her sweetly, a complete difference to the desperate way she is seeking friction, “I’m on top now, princess. You lay there.”

Avery chokes on an indignant laugh, “What did you just call me?”

To this, a dainty shrug and a wispy moan when she rolls her hips again. The points of her fingernails bite into Avery’s skin when she grips her around her waist.

“You’re my beautiful princess. My sweetheart. My pretty baby.”

“Don’t you ever call me that in front of anyone else. I will be bullied so hard I’ll have to kill myself.”

Elizabeth snickers against the curve of her jaw, snagging it with her teeth and rolling her hips one last time. Then she rises onto her knees to grip the toy and position it for her to sink down onto. Watching it disappear inch by inch into Elizabeth clenches her belly with ropes of fire. One long, satisfied sound leaves her when she sits fully impaled upon the toy.

“Christ,” She tips her head back, eyes falling shut and remains perfectly still, “That feels so good.”

She slides her palm up through the tacky curls between her legs to press beneath her navel. One of her thumbs carcasses the ridge of her a hipbone, watching rapt when Elizabeth shudders. An experimental roll of her hips drags a gutter Al groan from her that surprises her as much as it delights Avery. She presses her hand to her mouth momentarily, watching Avery while her chest heaves from labored breathing. Hungry and burning from her crown down to her toes, she watches from under her lashes and with lips slightly parted. Another slow grind of her hips while holding Avery’s eye contact, eyes pinching from the effort to keep them open under the onslaught of pleasure. The hand turns so she can bite into the side of her finger. Her eyes drop to watch the dildo reappear as she rises then sinks down on it again. Filthy wet noises mix with the muffled moan seeping around the finger between her teeth. Another slow rise and a harder fall that makes a loud slap and sends Elizabeth’s eyes rolling into the back of her head. She slips her fingers into her messy hair to pull at it, hips starting to roll against the toy buried inside her. Avery grips her hips to help, lifting up to meet her each time she rises to sink back down. And each time a filthy, desperate sound comes from her. A faster pace begins and with it comes a sweat slick over flushed skin, pink pooling around each freckle. She lays her hands over Avery’s climbing up her stomach to grasp her breasts. Wanton whines for that, for rubbing her thumbs along the edges of sensitive nipples. One hard thrust when she lifts up makes her wheeze out a moan and nearly buckle. She watches her catch herself, watches the muscles in her thighs jump under skin, watches her swallow back moans and pant.

“Avery. I was being good. Going slow, enjoying it,” She whines while her hips roll, slick sounds accompanying the movement, “Now I want you to fuck me.”

“I am.”

She thrusts hard as Elizabeth sinks back down, their hips slapping together. A long, low moan and this time she bends forward. Catching herself by planting a hand on the bed. Each finger curls in to grip the pile of blankets.

“Faster.”

Avery just cranes her neck up to stamp a kiss against a blushing shoulder. After a handful of shallow breathes, Elizabeth rises back onto her knees and begins to ride her in earnest. Lifting herself up and sinking down to circle her hips in a pattern that makes her mewl. Steadily the sounds of heavy breathing and skin slapping together and moans fill the space. Avery feels the weight of her dropping onto her pelvis with a feverish want. Her own desire is a slick fire burning in the cradle of her hips. Turning muscles to dripping wax inside her. She lifts one leg to plant her foot on the bed, giving her thigh to Elizabeth to use as a handle and giving herself better leverage to thrust up with.

One of Elizabeth’s hands pat around to find Avery’s and brings it between her legs. The impatience rearing its head again. The moment her fingertips skin over her clit, she starts cussing and moaning and pulling on her hair. Avery just applies pressure until she sinks down, rubbing furiously fast to match the grind of her hips. Then when she rises, she relents. Each pump of her hips and the fast pace of her fingers drives Elizabeth into a frenzy. Once and she grabs Avery by her ribs and cannot stay there. The sharp points make angry lines over skin she does not notice because her head is thrown back and she is moaning so quick she is barely getting any air in. A second time and something sharper than a moan, louder than a whine. Almost a scream. She bends over Avery, clinging to her, biting her jaw when she realizes she can then moaning against it after Avery pumps into her again.

“Avery, Avery,” Ragged, wind-stolen, filthy from the blatant obscene desires, “More, please more! More, baby—“

She lifts her other leg to set that foot down too and uses Elizabeth’s waist for a firm grip. When she starts pumping her hips without Elizabeth putting in effort to meet her, she nearly collapses onto her chest. Holding herself up by her hands, the momentum makes her breasts sway, and each pass causes the nipples to graze against Avery’s chest. Wet squelching is a fire in her, the purest sign of her performance and a reminder of her own need.

“Fuck.”  She grunts unintentionally, overwhelmed by the heat of the moment. In response, Elizabeth keens loudly and rocks back into the next thrust. Their headboard starts knocking against the wall from the momentum of their frenzied passion. Only a few more thrusts is all Elizabeth can take before she muffles a noise against Avery’s shoulder and starts to tremble. Her orgasm locks her into places, eyes squeezed tightly shut while everything shakes. Avery gives a few slow pumps and puts her hand back between her legs to rub lightly against her clit.

Elizabeth drops onto her chest, breathing hard and lathered in sweat. Entirely a boneless heap of weight that feels like the perfect hug. Avery wiggles her hand free from between them to rake through her damp hair. Pulling it away from her face so she can kiss a pink ear.

Cheek sticky to Avery’s shoulder, she blows out a slow breath while her muscles shake, “Baby?”

Voice a wretched thing dragged over coals. It makes Avery swallow back her own moan. Incessant heat and pressure has built up in her lower half. Everything feels sharp and heavy.

“Mhm?”

“I’ve never been fucked that good.”

Pleased, her chest prickles with pride, “Once the kid is old enough to go hang out at friend's houses on weekends, you’ll get that more often.”

“That was so good,” Each time her ribs flex from a hard breath, she feels the pressure press into her chest and she thinks of it like a satin blanket thrown over her, feels it with the contentment of pure love, “I want to make you feel like that.”

Avery snorts out a weak, tired laugh, “You wanna wear the strap?”

“Unless you’re one of those,” One hand flicks a few fingers up where the arm is still draped bonelessly over Avery’s waist, “types. I’d love to try it with you.”

“Nah. Just never had a girl want to use one on me before. Usually she’s begging for mine.”

Tiredly, a little pinch is administered as a chastisement against her bare hip, “Oh, stop it.”

She trails her fingertips up Elizabeth’s spine, back and forth, just to touch her, “I’ve had girls beg to suck it before.”

“You’re tryin’ to make me jealous.”

“That would be crazy. I’m still inside you.”

Elizabeth makes a few exhausted grumbles that she cannot quite understand for how her accent gets thicker when she is tired. Then a wet kiss against her throat and a husked, “I’d do it better than they ever could.”

Avery grins at the ceiling, “I’ll bet.”

“I’ll show you sometime,” Elizabeth lifts her head creating a waterfall of soft hair that parts around her flushed face, “Then you’ll stop bringin’ up other women in our bed. And after you just fucked the daylights out of me.”

“We’ll see.”

“Wipe that damn smirk off your face, Avery Hew. I swear—“ Whatever she planned to say, she changes her mind halfway through to lean down and kiss Avery hard on the mouth. She cradled Avery’s face to lift her head off the pillow, caressing her cheeks with her thumbs while they kiss. After they separate Elizabeth moves in a way that lets the toy slip out of her. The wet smack of it hitting Avery’s stomach nearly makes her swallow her tongue. She looks down at it, filled with hunger.

“You know, I like the dark ones so I can see your cum all over it,” She traces her fingertips through the milky collection sticking to the veins in the toy and around the tip, “Look at the mess you made.”

“Oh Christ Avery,” Elizabeth shudders against her, looking like she is being sieged by her own desires, “You had—do you need me to…?”

Avery feels built of flame at this point. So twisted into the knots made by her mounting need that she may unravel without even being touched. If she just squeezes her thighs together and grinds at the air, she could probably finish herself off.

“Christ yes please.”

In a rapid motion made effective by practice, she whips her long mess of hair into a bun. Nimble fingers start undoing the straps of the harness so she can slip the toy off.

“Mind if I use my mouth? I don’t feel like wasting my nails yet. I’ll pop a few off later but I just got them done.”

“Oh fuck me, you—you know, I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all.”

Long nails press into her thighs as Elizabeth settles between her spread legs on her belly. Looking up, eyes of earth darkened by evident lust, she smiles slick as that which is between Avery’s legs.

“When I’m finished, wanna get me again?”

“Any position, anywhere in the house, yes.”

“Mm, perfect. Think you can finish and get me off again in,” She pats around their bed until her fingers catch the edge of a phone screen that lights up to show the time, “Twenty minutes?”

“I love a challenge.”

“I love you. Very much. I thank everything alive and dead that I met you, when we was kids and again when I was a silly old fool. You’re my everything, my other half,” She has a serious besotted look until it shifts from a little smirk, “My princess.”

“Oh get fucked.”