Chapter Text
I felt…. Insecure being back in New Kaineng. Back in the Jade labs that I had worked in. Helped out. Been a part of a real crew. Joon had given me this chance to redeem myself and I…. Took the foundation shattering energy and crushed myself in the fallout.
I could drink all the grog in the world and not come back from that. I cannot forgive myself for that.
More than Joon, I had Miss Delaqua on my ass for everything I had done wrong. Everything I had tortured myself over in the Mists. Everything Scarlet whispered in my ear about how good I was - the very same actions Delaqua spat insults about. I couldn't blame her, of course. How could I? I spent sleepless nights insulting myself over it. It was almost comforting to have someone other than me saying the same things I told myself.
As much as I trusted Joon, I could see her becoming blinded by power, as I had once. "An unexpected bug in the system" she described the volatile dragon magic that Gorrik, Delaqua, and the Commander had handled the fallout of countless times. These were the very people she had asked me to bring to her - dragon experts - and she was dismissing them.
I had to laugh to myself a bit. I was blindfolded and I finally felt like I could see clearly. Clearer anyway. I still admired Joon. Everyone has their faults.
I resented Miss Delaqua's sudden change of heart when we studied Joon's office. Now I was worthy of a second chance? I just wanted to be valued. She didn't understand. She was always going to be valued when she was with Dragon's Watch.
If anything, that was why I had to face Ankka. It was always going to be Ankka who killed me, put me into the Mists the right way. I was going to get those who didn't believe in me to safety. I was going to be bigger than my past.
In the Mists, I could almost hear Marjory's whisper of "she died a hero" and Gorrik's anger at Ankka. I did it. I wasn't just a sky pirate. I had purpose. Now to find stability… in the Mists, the way people should be in the Mists.
Dead.