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Liu Sang settles himself on a low wall near the koi pond. The beer in his hand feels cool against the skin of his palm, a pleasant relief from the heat even though it’s already dark. He’s close enough to the rest of the party that no one can accuse him of being antisocial (even though that’s what he is) but he’s far enough away that the sound of everyone’s voices mingling together doesn’t hurt his ears too much.
It’s only a small party, which is the only reason he agreed to come in the first place. Everyone here knows him and knows not to bother him once he’s been around and said hello to them all. They’re a good group of people, really. He’s not sure he’d go so far as to call them friends, but they’re the closest thing he has to them.
A loud burst of laughter erupts, which draws him out of his thoughts and makes him glance back over to the area near the drinks where everyone else has gathered. Of course Wu Xie is right in the middle of it all. His cheeks are flushed from what is probably several beers at this point and his eyes are bright as he tells what is clearly a fascinating and hilarious story given the way everyone else is hanging off his every word.
There’s something about Wu Xie. Almost a magnetic force that seems to draw people in whether they want it or not. To this day Liu Sang still isn’t sure how he ended up part of Wu Xie’s circle, but here he is. Somehow he’s gone from working for Wu Xie’s uncle to working for Wu Xie himself, and from there he’s somehow become a person that gets invited to parties.
If it was anyone else he would have said no. He should have said no. But, as always, he’s powerless to resist the opportunity to be in the same place as Zhang Qiling. And, yes, he’s aware how pathetic that makes him sound.
He tries not to look too often, because he is a professional and doesn’t want to be known as the man who spends his whole time staring at Zhang Qiling. But, occasionally, he allows himself a small glance as a treat and hates that this is what he’s been reduced to.
Tonight Zhang Qiling almost fades into the background in his all black clothing but Liu Sang sees him. He always sees him, and something in his heart clenches every time he looks. He thought that maybe once he got to know Zhang Qiling a little better, and once they started working together regularly, his feelings for him would fade into something closer to friendship.
If anything it’s become worse.
Now he’s seen firsthand how strong and brave Zhang Qiling is and how he’ll do anything to protect those close to him. He’s kind, intelligent, and once you get to know him he’s actually pretty funny too. It’s a dry sense of humour that Liu Sang appreciates.
How could anyone not love him?
Tonight Zhang Qiling is in his usual spot at Wu Xie’s side. He’s there a lot more often since they got back from Thunder City. Almost as though he’s afraid to let Wu Xie out of his sight. Liu Sang supposes thinking your lover is going to die and then miraculously getting him back might have that effect on anyone.
Zhang Qiling isn’t participating in the conversation, of course, but he’s clearly listening to every word Wu Xie says. His eyes never leave Wu Xie’s face and even from where Liu Sang is sitting there’s no mistaking the fond smile on Zhang Qiling’s lips and the clear love in his eyes.
Liu Sang isn’t an idiot, or oblivious. He knows his feelings for Zhang Qiling are never going to be reciprocated. Ten years behind the Bronze Door couldn’t stop the love Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling have for each other, so certainly no person is going to be able to achieve it. Zhang Qiling will love Wu Xie until Wu Xie is dead and gone, and even if he could, Liu Sang would never want to get in the way of what they have. All he wants is for Zhang Qiling to be happy, and anyone with eyes can see that Wu Xie makes him happy.
So, just as he did before they ever met in person, Liu Sang will love Zhang Qiling from afar and that will be enough.
He watches as Wu Xie slings an arm against Zhang Qiling’s shoulders and tugs him closer, clearly wanting him to be included even if he’s not talking. He pauses his conversation long enough to press a kiss to Zhang Qiling’s cheek and then carries on.
Zhang Qiling doesn’t let anyone touch him as much as Wu Xie does. Not even Pangzi who likes to touch everyone. Yet he looks perfectly content standing there with Wu Xie’s arm draped over him.
Liu Sang tears his attention away from them. He’s looked for long enough. He drains the last of his beer with a small sigh and leaves the bottle loose in his hand. Perhaps it’s time for him to go home. If he’s veering into melancholy about his tragic mess of feelings he’s no good to anyone, or even less use than usual. He doubts anyone will miss him if he just slips away.
There’s a loud sigh from above him and before he can even look there’s a warm body next to him. Pangzi. He doesn’t actually need to look. He wears a very distinctive cologne and the way his leather jacket creaks when he moves doesn’t sound like anyone else he knows.
“Having a good night?” Pangzi asks, and his voice sounds gentle and warm. Like he actually cares whether Liu Sang is enjoying himself or not. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to people caring about him and wanting him around.
Pangzi has always been relentless, though. Making sure he comes home with them after a job for a proper meal and sending text after text with dinner invitations until Liu Sang is forced to give up and agree. While he’s quite sure Wu Xie is the one who invited him to tonight’s party, it was Pangzi who sent the actual invite and kept texting him to remind him. He’s quite sure if he’d opted to stay home Pangzi would have shown up at his apartment and dragged him here.
“Pangzi,” he greets and he wishes he hadn’t finished his beer quite so soon because now he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He starts picking at the label on the bottle with his fingernail.
His eyes involuntarily wander back over to Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling. He’s surprised Pangzi isn’t with them. It’s rare for the Iron Triangle to leave each other’s sides. Yet here Pangzi is. Talking to him for some reason.
Zhang Qiling has shifted a little since Liu Sang last looked. He’s leaning against Wu Xie now in a way that looks surprisingly casual for him. Wu Xie is running one hand up and down Zhang Qiling’s arm even as he carries on talking to the larger group.
“It’s not much fun is it?” Pangzi asks and when Liu Sang glances at him he’s also watching Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling. There’s a wistful look on his face, which looks surprisingly like how Liu Sang is feeling inside.
That can’t be right, though? What does Pangzi have to long for? He gets to spend every day with Zhang Qiling. He lives with him.
“What isn’t?” he asks, because he genuinely is curious now.
Pangzi shrugs. “Being on the outside looking in. Having what you want so close, but knowing you’ll never be able to have it.”
Pangzi isn’t making any sense at all, and Liu Sang wonders if he's had a few too many beers.
“What could you possibly want that—”
“And then he ate it!”
The context for Wu Xie’s yelling is lost on Liu Sang but the comment has the rest of the group howling with raucous laughter again. Zhang Qiling is outright smiling now, but that’s not what interests Liu Sang right at this moment. What interests him is at the very moment Wu Xie’s voice rang out, Pangzi’s breath hitched for a second and his heart did something.
He can see now that while Pangzi’s gaze is fixed on the group as a whole, he’s actually focused on one specific individual and how the fuck has Liu Sang never noticed it before?
“You love Wu Xie,” he says softly and he doesn’t frame it as a question.
Pangzi sighs and takes another swig of his beer. The lack of denial is as much of a confirmation as Liu Sang is going to get.
Of course logically he knows that Pangzi loves Wu Xie. Everyone knows that Pangzi loves Wu Xie. Liu Sang had just assumed he loves him like a brother. They’ve been through so much together after all. Knowing it’s more than that… it’s not a surprise, exactly. It has just never occurred to him before. Perhaps because he’s so caught up in his own feelings for Zhang Qiling it just never occurred to him to think about how anyone else might be feeling.
“Have you told him?”
It’s none of his business, of course, but Pangzi clearly brought it up because he wanted to talk about it. And if there’s one thing Liu Sang can do well it’s listen.
“I think on some level he knows,” Pangzi replies. “It’s not something we talk about because we don’t want to fuck up our friendship. So I pretend that friendship is all I feel for him, and he pretends that that’s all it is as well.”
That’s just…well, it’s not so different from his own situation, Liu Sang supposes. He hasn’t exactly been subtle about his feelings for Zhang Qiling, but Zhang Qiling is polite enough to pretend not to notice.
“Anyway,” Pangzi says as he finishes off the last of his beer. “I didn’t tell you so you could feel sorry for me. I’ve long since reconciled myself to the situation. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and if you ever need to talk about it I’m here.”
This was definitely not the way Liu Sang imagined his evening going. How is it that Pangzi can see what he needs without him even needing to say anything? Just knowing that there’s someone who even slightly understands what he’s feeling does actually help. And despite Pangzi’s uncanny ability to irritate the shit out of him there’s no denying that there’s something almost calming about his presence on the rare times he decides to be serious about something.
Like now.
Liu Sang turns slightly so that he’s facing Pangzi. There’s a small smile on his lips, but there’s no denying the sadness in his eyes either. Has it always been there and Liu Sang just never noticed? Or has Pangzi become an expert at hiding his feelings over the years?
“So it’s never going to get any easier?” Liu Sang asks softly, because if Pangzi still looks like this after being around Wu Xie for over twenty years, what chance does Liu Sang have of getting over his own feelings?
“I didn’t say that,” Pangzi replies. He’s still looking at Wu Xie and that almost makes this conversation easier. If Pangzi was looking at him with that gentle voice and sad eyes, he’s not sure he’d be able to stand it. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and someone will come along that you love just as much.”
Liu Sang had never met Piaopiao but in this industry, especially with the friends he has, people talk. He heard about how kind she was, and how much Pangzi loved her. He can’t even imagine the amount of pain Pangzi must have been through to not only lose her, but for the other person he loves to be constantly there as a reminder of what he can never have as well.
He clenches his fists in the fabric of his trousers, because if he doesn’t there’s a very strong chance he might do something like hug Pangzi. And he’s fairly sure that would be awkward and uncomfortable for both of them.
“I’m sorry,” he says instead but it seems too small and meaningless in the scope of everything.
“It’s not so bad,” Pangzi replies. “I get to see him happy every day, and he’s no longer dying. I can’t ask for more than that.”
He could, actually, but Liu Sang is certain that he won’t. Because underneath all the bravado and the jokes Pangzi is a good man. He can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner.
He should go. He appreciates Pangzi trying to comfort him, but all it seems to be doing is making Pangzi sad and Liu Sang doesn’t want anyone to suffer because of him.
He can go back home to his empty, soundproofed apartment and maybe drink some more until he falls asleep. Tomorrow will be another day and he can take a leaf out of Pangzi’s book and pretend not to be hopelessly in love with someone he can never have.
He sets his bottle down and stands up. Pangzi watches him with curious eyes.
“Thank you for telling me,” Liu Sang says because he knows it can’t have been easy. It’s not like he and Pangzi are friends. There was no need to tell him other than to try and make Liu Sang feel better and he appreciates that even if he doesn’t understand it.
Pangzi looks up at him with sad eyes and a kind smile and, fuck, Liu Sang can’t just leave him like this. He leans down to give Pangzi a hug, because his own embarrassment doesn’t matter. Pangzi clearly needs it and if he’s honest he kind of needs it himself as well.
He’s not really sure why but as he leans down, fully intending to just give Pangzi a hug, he brushes their lips together instead.
He stumbles backwards with a gasp as soon as it happens, his fingers touching his mouth. He just kissed Pangzi.
Fuck. Why the fuck did he do that?
Pangzi is staring at him now and Liu Sang really just wants to run. Because this is what he does. He fucks things up and he runs away. Pangzi showed him the smallest bit of kindness while looking a little sad and that had been all he’d needed to take things too far.
Fuck.
“I should—”
“Do you want to get out of here?”
Liu Sang has already turned to leave when Pangzi’s question registers with him.
“What?”
Pangzi looks less startled now. Instead there’s a soft look to his eyes but also a longing that hadn’t been there before.
He really has fucked this up.
“That wasn’t— I mean I didn’t—”
He doesn’t know how to articulate that the kiss hadn’t been anything romantic. He hadn’t really thought about it at all beyond the fact that Pangzi had been kind to him and looked like he was in need of some comfort himself.
Maybe it’s time Liu Sang moved to a new city, possibly even a new country. He can certainly never come back to Wushanju again. It’s too humiliating.
“Relax,” Pangzi says with a teasing smile. “I’m not about to propose marriage or anything. I just thought, I don’t know, we’re both lonely and miserable. Maybe we could take care of each other for a night.”
Liu Sang considers what Pangzi is offering. He’s no blushing virgin, and definitely not a stranger to one night stands. But this is Pangzi. He’s possibly the closest thing Liu Sang has to a friend. He doesn’t want to fuck that up by sleeping with him.
“I won’t pressure you or anything,” Pangzi says. “Whatever your answer is, it's fine by me, and I promise no one else will hear about it unless you decide to tell them.”
The thing is he’s actually tempted. Because, fuck, he is so desperately lonely and the idea of going back to an empty apartment when he could have someone with him just aches in his chest.
“Okay.”
If Pangzi is surprised by his answer he doesn’t show it. Instead he motions to the empty bottle Liu Sang had set down on the table. “How many of those have you had?”
Liu Sang glances at the bottle, and then back at Pangzi. “I’m not drunk if that’s what you’re asking.”
He almost wishes he was. It would be so much easier to lose himself in the loose-limbed warmth that comes with drunkenness and just do whatever feels good. Instead he has to listen to the voice in his head screaming at him about all the things that this could mess up in the future while his body and heart crave the comfort that Pangzi is offering.
Pangzi nods. “Okay.”
Liu Sang half expects Pangzi to sling his arm across his shoulder like he usually does when they’re walking together. Instead he just stands beside Liu Sang and calls over his shoulder.
“Tianzhen! I’m taking Jinx home.”
Wu Xie doesn’t even stop talking and just raises a thumb up in acknowledgement.
Pangzi sighs and, fuck, Liu Sang doesn’t know how he’s dealt with this for twenty years.
He clearly needs this, whatever this is going to turn out to be, as much as Liu Sang does.
“Come on,” he says and starts walking. Pangzi quickly falls into step beside him and the two of them head out through the gate and down the street towards Liu Sang’s apartment.
Pangzi starts humming a song softly to himself and Liu Sang wonders if he should say something. The thing is he has no idea what to say. If this was one of his random hookups talking really isn’t an issue, but this is Pangzi. Everything about this is different.
He’s still not sure if this is a good idea. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he’s worried about how things will change afterwards. He’s pretty sure there’s some sort of commonly known saying about not sleeping with your friends or your co-workers. Kind of like how you’re not supposed to work with children or animals. But he can’t think of what it is right now.
The longer he doesn’t talk the more awkward he feels, even though Pangzi seems quite happy to just walk along in silence.
He’s lucky his apartment isn’t too far away, he supposes.
The silence when they step into the apartment and close the door behind them is blissful. He’s used to tuning out the background noise of things like traffic, bugs, and the wind, but it’s so nice when he doesn’t have to concentrate on doing so.
The stupid amount of money he paid to have his apartment soundproofed was absolutely worth it.
“Nice place,” Pangzi murmurs. “Very neat.”
It’s not the first time Pangzi has been here, but it’s only ever been to pick him up or drop him off. This is the first time he’s been inside and actually lingered. It’s strange, having another person in his apartment. Usually when he hooks up they go to the other person’s place or get a hotel room. He’s not wildly comfortable with strangers knowing where he lives. Pangzi hadn’t actually said anything about coming here, he belatedly realises, they’d just walked here without him even thinking about it.
It’s not like they could have sex in Wushanju, and getting a hotel room is stupid considering Pangzi already knows where he lives. Coming here just makes sense.
Pangzi is still standing in the middle of the living room and he looks, not lost exactly, but not at home either. It’s a strange look on him. He’s used to Pangzi being bold and confident wherever he is and with whoever he’s talking to. It’s one of the things Liu Sang admires about him.
It’s like whatever confidence Pangzi had when he suggested this has faded on the walk here.
“Do you—” Why does this feel so awkward? “Do you want a drink or anything?”
Pangzi shrugs. “I’m happy to do whatever you want.”
That would be helpful if Liu Sang actually knew what he wanted. All he knows is that he doesn’t want to be alone, and that neither does Pangzi. And now they’re here.
He steps closer to Pangzi and looks at him. He knows Pangzi won’t push him into doing anything he doesn’t want to do. He just needs to figure out what he does want to do.
Liu Sang hasn’t turned any of the lights on so the only light in the room is from the moon outside which is shining through the window. It’s casting his face in light and shadows, highlighting his cheeks, brow and mouth.
He’s handsome and Liu Sang is surprised he’s never noticed before. It’s different to the ethereal beauty of Zhang Qiling. There are lines on Pangzi’s face, touches of grey in his hair, and stubble around his jaw and chin. But there’s no denying the kindness in his eyes and softness of his smile.
When he kisses Pangzi this time it’s because he wants to, not as some subconscious action brought about by sadness. Pangzi deserves this, and so does he. They’ve both been without for too long.
“Are you sure you want to do this,” Pangzi asks as he pulls back from the kiss. “You don’t have to.”
He appreciates the concern, and that Pangzi wants to have his explicit consent before they take things any further. But Liu Sang can hear the hesitation in his voice, and the way his heart is pounding in his chest.
“I’m sure,” he says gently. “Are you?”
As much as Liu Sang wants this now that he’s had some time to think about it, if Pangzi has changed his mind there is absolutely no harm done. They’re friends, sort of. This sort of thing happens, especially when emotions are high. He thinks.
But then Pangzi’s heartbeat becomes slower and more steady as he smiles at Liu Sang and brushes his fingers over his cheek causing Liu Sang’s own breath to hitch. “I’m sure.”
“Good,” he replies with a nod. “So we’re both sure. Now, how about I give you a tour of the apartment. The bedroom is this way.”
He takes Pangzi’s hand in his and, after a gentle tug, Pangzi follows him towards the bedroom. He doesn’t let go even after Pangzi follows him, because now that Pangzi has touched him Liu Sang isn’t sure he wants him to stop.
His bedroom is as clean and free of clutter as the rest of the apartment but he is glad he put fresh sheets on the bed that morning.
Pangzi looks around the room curiously while Liu Sang pushes the door shut behind them.
“I always wondered what your bedroom looks like,” Pangzi admits. “I don’t know why but I thought you’d be into art.”
He has no idea where Pangzi got that idea from. He has a couple of fairly generic landscape paintings in the living room to brighten the place up a bit but he’s never seen the point in decorating the bedroom. He only comes in here to sleep so why bother?
“You really want to talk about art now that we’re in my bedroom,” he asks instead and Pangzi grins sheepishly at him.
“Not into bedroom talk, are you? Fair enough.”
Pangzi moves into his space. Close enough that Liu Sang can feel the heat radiating from Pangzi’s body as he leans forward. He’s expecting a kiss but instead Pangzi’s fingers curl around the back of his head and trail up until he gently tugs the hair tie out of Liu Sang’s hair. It’s a relief to have it fall loose around his shoulders. He ties it up to make it look neat and keep it out of the way but he doesn’t like the way it tugs at his scalp.
When Pangzi runs his fingers through his hair Liu Sang can’t help but moan because it feels so good.
Pangzi smiles at the sound and, fuck, this is ridiculous. Moaning over a simple thing like having his head touched? Usually it takes a lot more than that. What the fuck is wrong with him?
He takes off his jacket and tosses it onto a nearby chair. “Instead of talking about art why don’t we talk about the fact that you’re wearing too many clothes.”
Pangzi grins at him again and there’s a little more heat behind it this time. “Oh, well, sorry to keep you waiting.”
He takes off his own jacket and tosses it on top of Liu Sang’s, but when he starts unbuttoning the shirt he’s wearing Liu Sang steps in and pats his hands out of the way. “Let me.”
He hadn’t really thought about it at the time but it’s not often he sees Pangzi in a button-down shirt like this. He looks good, but part of him misses the t-shirts and hoodies with cartoon characters or random internet memes on them. Not many people could pull off what Pangzi wears but he manages it perfectly. He’s so unashamed of being himself and that’s something Liu Sang has always admired.
Pangzi shivers as Liu Sang works at the buttons of his shirt, his fingers occasionally brushing against the bare skin of his chest. When he reaches the final one he slips the shirt down over Pangzi’s shoulders and tosses it on top of their jackets.
He allows himself a moment to take in the sight. He’s seen Pangzi in various stages of undress before. It comes with exploring tombs and camping together. There isn’t exactly a lot of space for privacy. But this is the first time he’s actually allowed himself to take the time to look.
Pangzi is different from the other men Liu Sang has slept with. They were all slender and pale, a cheap facsimile of Zhang Qiling that Liu Sang could at least subconsciously imagine was in his bed with him.
Pangzi is broad, and there is hair across his chest and on his stomach that Liu Sang finds strangely fascinating. He keeps his own chest smooth, and the men he sleeps with are the same. He stretches out his hand, desperate to touch.
“You can touch me wherever you want,” Pangzi murmurs softly before Liu Sang’s fingers have even made contact and the permission makes him bolder. He lays both hands flat on Pangzi’s chest, enjoying the sensation of the hair beneath his palms. Beneath his right hand he can feel Pangzi’s heart beating steady and strong, although a little more rapid than usual. He wonders if it’s him that’s doing that to Pangzi. The idea that it could be gives him a little thrill.
He strokes his hands down Pangzi’s chest, then down his stomach until he reaches the waistband of Pangzi’s jeans. A quick flick of his fingers and the button is undone and he’s able to gently pull down the zip.
He tries not to smile when he notices that Pangzi’s boxers have got little cartoon pigs wearing chef’s hats all over them. He’s pretty sure laughing right now will kill the mood so he concentrates on tugging Pangzi’s jeans down over his hips.
Once the jeans have been discarded and Pangzi has kicked off his socks and slippers he gives Liu Sang a sly smile. “Now which of us is wearing too many clothes?”
He’s quite sure that if he wanted to, Pangzi would let Liu Sang take him apart on the bed while Liu Sang remained fully clothed. That’s not what this is about, though, so he gives Pangzi a gentle nudge until the backs of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he topples backwards. Then, while Pangzi watches him from under heavy lids, Liu Sang slowly and meticulously removes his own clothes.
“Better?”
Pangzi moistens his lips with his tongue. “We’ve both still got our underwear on.”
Liu Sang glances down at his own boxer briefs, then at Pangzi.
“We should definitely do something about that,” he agrees, and pulls his own underwear down, kicking them to one side before he walks back over to the bed. “Enjoying the view?”
Pangzi nods, then gasps as Liu Sang pulls his boxers down over his hips and down his legs until they join Liu Sang’s on the floor. Pangzi is already hard and Liu Sang can’t wait to get his hands on him.
“Which do you prefer?” he asks as he presses feather light kisses to Pangzi’s stomach. “To fuck or be fucked?”
“Didn’t know you had such a mouth on you,” Pangzi replies. His voice sounds thick and rough and it just makes Liu Sang want him more.
Liu Sang grins. “I can put my mouth on you if that’s what you want.”
He thought this would be strange, or awkward, but now that they’re here Liu Sang is surprised by how comfortable he feels.
He trails kisses down Pangzi’s stomach and wraps his mouth around Pangzi’s cock, causing the man beneath him to hiss and buck his hips. He runs soothing hands up and down Pangzi’s thighs as he teases and licks, letting his teeth gently graze along the sensitive skin.
He can feel Pangzi trembling beneath him, and the sighs and groans coming from him let him know what Pangzi particularly likes. That’s another benefit of his hearing. He can hear what’s working for his partner and what isn’t without them even needing to tell him, and Liu Sang likes to be an attentive lover.
“Liu Sang,” Pangzi hisses, and it’s strange to hear Pangzi use his actual name and not some nickname. Strange, but not unpleasant. “Liu Sang, I’m going to—”
He keeps licking and teasing Pangzi’s cock with his mouth until he feels Pangzi tense beneath him and hears him moan. He withdraws when Pangzi comes, and most of the warm sticky liquid spatters over Pangzi’s stomach. Some of it lands on Liu Sang and it almost burns in the cool night air.
Pangzi is limp beneath him, his breath coming in ragged gasps so Liu Sang climbs off him and lies down beside him. He places one hand on Pangzi’s chest, over his heart, because he really can’t get enough of the way he feels.
“Good?” he asks, mostly out of politeness. He can tell by the way Pangzi feels and sounds that he enjoyed the experience.
All Pangzi does is nod, while Liu Sang reaches for the tissues next to the bed and wipes off some of the come that’s covering both of them. Once Pangzi is clean he props himself up on one elbow and looks at Liu Sang. In the dim light of the room Liu Sang can still see that Pangzi’s cheeks are flushed and his skin is shiny with sweat. He looks good, and the fact that Liu Sang is the one who made him look like that makes him feel good.
“Are you going to let me take care of you now?” Pangzi asks with a curl of his lips. “Since you were such a good boy and took care of your Pang-ye so well.”
The words go straight to Liu Sang’s dick. He was hard before but now it aches so much he feels like he’s about to burst.
“Please,” he whispers.
Pangzi must see something in his eyes because his grin widens. “That’s right. You were so good to me, and now I’m going to take care of you.”
Liu Sang gasps as soon as Pangzi’s hand touches him and it’s a miracle he doesn’t just come right there and then. His hand is rough, covered in calluses, and every time he strokes him, Liu Sang thinks he might actually die from how good it feels. How did he ever think bringing Pangzi home with him was a bad idea?
“You like that?” Pangzi asks and the noise that comes out of Liu Sang’s throat sounds more like something a wild animal would make. He can barely think as Pangzi’s slow languid strokes pick up in pace and there’s a strong chance he might actually fall off the bed with his writhing.
“Easy, Sangsang,” Pangzi murmurs gently and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.
It’s too much. Everything is too much. He can feel hot tears burning in his eyes and running down his face, mixing with the sweat that’s already there.
When he comes it’s with a choked sob and he sees Pangzi licking the come from his fingers just for a moment before everything around him fades away.
He doesn’t black out, not entirely, but when he comes back to himself Pangzi is stroking his hair and whispering meaningless soothing sounds to him.
“You back with me?” Pangzi asks and all Liu Sang can do is nod. He feels wrung out and exhausted, just from a handjob. He didn’t even know that was possible.
“Where’s the bathroom? I’ll get us cleaned up.”
Liu Sang wants to say that he’ll do it. It’s his home after all. But he’s not sure his legs would support him even if the rest of him could move.
“Middle door on the left down the hall,” and, fuck, his voice sounds wrecked.
He feels Pangzi move away from him and he drifts for a few minutes until he feels the dip of the bed and a warm, wet cloth gently swiping at the sensitive skin of his cock.
“Not too hot?” Pangzi asks and Liu Sang shakes his head. It feels so good he almost wants to cry. Fuck, he cried while Pangzi was jerking him off. All because of a little kiss. He’s never going to live it down.
Pangzi lies down beside him and sets about cleaning himself until Liu Sang leans over and takes the cloth from him.
He takes his time cleaning Pangzi, every swipe of the cloth slow and focused. He loves the way Pangzi feels and the way that, even now, his heart is fluttering in response to Liu Sang’s touch.
When he’s finally satisfied that Pangzi is clean he tosses the cloth onto the floor to deal with later and lies back down beside Pangzi, settling his hand back over Pangzi’s chest. He feels warm and sleepy, even though they’re both still lying on top of the covers on the bed.
“I can leave whenever you want me to,” Pangzi says after a few minutes and the sound makes Liu Sang flinch in surprise. He thought Pangzi was asleep.
He doesn’t usually make a habit of spending the night with the people he sleeps with. It’s all about pleasure and release. But they were strangers, and they were never in Liu Sang’s home. This is different.
He probably should ask Pangzi to leave. Things are always different in the cold light of day and he really doesn’t want things to be stilted and awkward between them in the morning. If Pangzi leaves while it’s still dark it will be easier for them both to pretend that this never happened. It was just two lonely souls bringing each other some comfort.
But then he thinks about waking up to a silent and empty apartment, with Pangzi’s scent still hanging in the air. He thinks that might be worse.
He teases himself with images of waking up and finding Pangzi in his kitchen, cooking like he belongs there and serving them both a delicious breakfast.
Every morning he wakes up alone. Wouldn’t it be nice, just for once, to have someone with him?
“Stay.”