Chapter Text
"Chapter Seven, please." Umbridge said as soon as they all sat down at their desks. No one made a sound, taking out their books in silence. Until Harry spoke of course.
"Yes Ma'am." He saluted, opening his brand new copy of The Chronicles of Narnia.
Umbridge frowned. Neville hid his face behind his book. When Harry acted up, he was usually the first to laugh. "Mr Potter?"
"Yes?"
"That is not the book you should be reading." Umbridge simpered, glaring at Harry through a fixed smile.
Harry blinked at her. "But I read the other one!"
"I highly doubt that." Umbridge's gaze turned frosty. She was losing control - everyone knew it.
"He did, we watched him." Draco said lazily, cracking the spine of his Potion's textbook. "I've read mine too."
"And me." Hermione added.
Harry grinned at Umbridge. "It was a very good by the way! My favourite part was when the dog died."
Ron covered his ears and screamed. "No spoilers!" He yelled in outrage. "I'm still on chapter ten!"
Umbridge seethed. "I demand that you-"
"No."
"This is highly-"
"No."
"Mr Potter!"
Harry carried on staring at Neville's ear. He really did have small ears, it was quite funny to be honest.
"Mr Potter!"
He really should ask Luna about nargles, the air felt really busy. Oh, since when did Lavender get her hair braided? The pink looked gorgeous-
"Potter!"
"Ow." Harry rubbed the back of his head and looked reproachfully at Umbridge. "Sorry, were you talking to me?"
"Yes, Mr Potter, you were being really quite ill-mannered." Harry shuddered and shook his head.
"Oh, my name isn't Harry Potter, so that's actually your fault."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it-"
"Are we really doing this again?" Harry said exasperatedly. "I know my own name. And it isn't Harry."
"Well, what is it then?" She asked, checking her watch. Time always seemed to slow when Potter entered the room.
"I'm not telling you because you hit me."
"Enough of this foolishness!" Shrieked Umbridge "Detention!"
"You can't give me detention!" Harry argued. "You don't even know my name! You wouldn't be able to document it!"
"Your name is Harry Potter, so yes, I can." Umbridge smirked.
"Go on then, ask Dumblebee. I bet he'll know my name. Oh look, here he is!"
"Dear boy, why have I been summoned to your classroom by Messrs Weasley?"
"Because she doesn't know my name! Sir it's October already, and she still doesn't know her pupil's names! It's driving me crazy! She keeps calling me Harry Potter."
"But Harry, isn't-"
"NO! Wow, even my own headmaster doesn't know me. What a let down." Harry slammed his book shut and Hermione winced. Harry mouthed an apology and patted the book carefully, as if it was a small dog.
"Harry-"
"Nope. Not talking to you until you get my name right." Harry folded his arms and pouted, the epitome of a petulant toddler.
"Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy, care to share?" Dumbledore asked, not bothering with Harry's other friends, who were practically on the floor they were laughing so hard.
"It's Parry Hotter, Sir." Draco said, looking like he wanted to go to sleep for ten years.
"Well then, Mr Ho-Oh, he's gone."
"Yes, he's gone to get the celebration ready!" Ron exclaimed. "It'll take a while to hang up the streamers."
"What celebration?" The headmaster looked around, confused. Most of the other class members were shrugging or looked as dumbfounded as he did.
"Oh dear, Headmaster, you can't have forgotten again." Ron said mournfully. "Honestly, it's slightly embarrassing for you."
Dumbledore shook his head, and left. He was sure he'd find out somehow.
And find out he did.
"It's that time of year again folks!" Fred yelled during dinner, standing on the bench to make himself heard.
"The biggest celebration of the year!" George chimed in.
"The one and only-"
"Birthday of-"
"Professor Sprout!" The finished together, grinning at the Herbology Professor, who was smiling.
"Oh, not again." Snape murmured quietly.
Everyone began singing happy birthday after some forceful encouragement from the twins, and Harry wheeled in a huge five layer cake with a big black dog by his feet.
"The big black dog could join us this year." Harry said cheerily when everyone had finished singing. "Thanks to Professor Snape, of course, for organising everything again like the kind gentleman he is."
Snape resisted the urge to leave.
"He's honestly so awesome, like, have you ever met a sweeter man?"
Snape left.
"Oh, he's gone. Anyway, cake time! We've got Chocolate, Victoria Sponge, Coffee and Walnut, Lemon Drizzle and for some reason Ginger? I ran out of cake ideas." Harry scratched the back of his head. "Dobby did that one. I think it's a house elf favourite."
The next day, Harry's friends all met up under the whomping willow. Naturally, as dangerous things often did, the whomping willow had taken a liking to Harry after he apologised profusely for the car incident, and so let him and his friends sit underneath his branches whenever they felt like it.
Harry and Luna had written and sent out a letter to every single student anonymously. The letter warned students about Umbridge's detention methods, and requested all students sign up to a secret edition of the Quibbler, known as the Quabbler. The Quabbler, written exclusively by Harry, Luna, Ginny and Daphne, gave students the inside scoop of goings-on at Hogwarts, started the odd rumour here and there about a few staff members, and most importantly, gave students advice on staying safe in the castle. The next few editions gave students different remedies for the blood-quill, including healing spells and potions, and gave tips and tricks on mastering wandless and wordless glamours. They included instructions to make scar-removing cream for those who couldn't master wandless and wordless magic, and requested any students who did have to use the blood quill find Colin Creevey, who took pictures as evidence to use later.
Harry was pulled aside one transfiguration lesson by McGonagall, who knew exactly what they were doing, as she had promised to help Harry in his fourth year.
"It's working." She said simply. Harry smiled and nodded. He too had noticed far less crying students with cut hands in the past month since the Quabbler came out for the first time.
The staff had tried everything to get Umbridge fired. Fudge, fed up of what he continued to believe were "false accusations" instead promoted her to high inquisitor. Amelia Bones was furious, but nothing she said or did was making any difference. She and Kingsley were collating and keeping record of evidence Harry would send to them routinely, but they had to watch their own backs- Fudge was firing anyone who spoke out against him left and right.
In the end, as a last ditch attempt to end the Blood Quill's reign once and for all, Draco took one for the team.
"I can't believe you got yourself put in detention on purpose." Neville said, swatting away a stray branch that was trying to steal his sandwich. Draco shrugged, and rubbed the back of his hand, where the words I will not argue with my professors were still faintly visible.
"Had to be done. My father was furious when Uncle Severus showed him my hand last weekend. He ended up escorting me to Fudge himself and made him confiscate the blood quills. She's not allowed to carry out detentions herself either, everyone she gives them to has to have them with their head of house instead."
"Except me!" Harry added brightly. "I get mine with Snape."
"Lucius is the only man who Fudge will do absolutely anything for to keep him on side." Daphne added. "Except remove Umbridge from the school entirely."
"Did you hear? She's inspecting all the teacher's now." Ginny said, joining them. "McGonagall is not happy at all."
"They can't fire Minnie, she's too good at what she does." Harry said. "There would be outrage from every direction. Dumbledore however? They're desperate to be rid of him."
"He's still widely loved though, it'll be difficult. There more likely to try and arrest him or push him to go on the run." Ron said. Everyone gave him a funny look. "What? It's possible."
"I agree with Ron." Luna said. Everyone nodded along after that.
"So when Luna agrees, you'll all listen to me? Fine, I see how it is." Ron sulked for the rest of the day.
~
"Queen of the night time!"
"Child of nightmares!" Professor Sinistra high fived Harry as he entered the astronomy tower, looking bright eyed and chipper despite it being midnight.
"That's not a very nice nickname." Neville said when no one else seemed to question why a teacher was calling a student names. To be fair though, Harry started it.
She shrugged. "Nicknames are meant to be true. I can hardly call him "star pupil" can I? He's a nightmare. It was actually Severus who came up with it, not me."
"See? Told you I'm Snape's favourite." Harry said smugly to Draco, who rolled his eyes.
"Sure. We'll go with that."
"Fair enough. Right folks, today, we're looking at dwarf planets..."
Once the lecture had been given and everyone was busy peering through telescopes and documenting dwarf planets, Sinistra made her way over to Harry and Luna.
"Miss Lovegood, you're supposed to be in bed!" Luna just smiled serenely, looking through Harry's telescope.
"The nargles told me you wanted to speak to me and Harry."
"Oh. Well, yes, I do actually. It's about the Quabbler."
"How do you know about the Quabbler? It's top secret!" Harry glared at her, pointing an accusatory finger.
"Miss Weasley thought I'd find it amusing. She's right, it's brilliant. Anyway, I came to tell you I have some hot gossip for you."
Harry's eyes shone. "Go on." He said, and Hermione rolled her eyes.
"So, I was headed to breakfast yesterday, when..."
Whilst Hermione could not condone gossip, she had to admit, the Quabbler struck gold during astronomy the previous evening.
"We finally managed to watch a memory of and print a showdown between the one and only Minnie and the frog!" Harry squealed, jumping up and down. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to witness one for myself?"
"Two months and twenty three days." Draco deadpanned, pointing at the tally on the back of Harry's timetable.
"Don't ruin this for me." Harry warned. "Or I'll personally request Dobby give you extra jam."
"I'm used to jam on toast now, that doesn't scare me."
"Oh Draco, you think too small. I'm talking jam with every meal!" Draco paled considerably and fled. Harry chuckled.
"He's so easy to blackmail. Why did it take me four years to figure him out?" Harry asked Daphne, who didn't answer, rolling her eyes.
"Because you were blinded by hatred."
"Wow Ginny, say it like it is why don't you."
"Sorry." Ginny said, not looking at all sorry. "By the way, Christmas is on the horizon."
Hermione sighed loudly. "Ginny, it's still November."
"Yeah, we have the first quidditch game of the season before Christmas!" Ron pointed out.
"I don't care. Christmas is far more important. Harry, I have a challenge for you, and Snape is going to absolutely hate you for it!"
Harry grinned "What is it?"
"Two words. Gingerbread. Hogwarts." Harry gasped loudly, clapping his hands in delight.
"That is GENIUS! Got to go guys, I need to find Fred and George to help me write up some measurements. Come on Daphne, you're good at maths. Bye!"
After he'd sprinted off, Ginny and Daphne in tow, Ron and Hermione shared a look.
"Sometimes, I'm selfishly glad we have so many more friends purely just so we don't have to deal with every single one of his mad ideas." Ron said, shaking his head in amusement. "Can you imagine if it was just us three?"
"I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think I'd have many, many wrinkles if it wasn't for the others."
Draco huffed next to them "I'm surprised you two lasted as long as you did."