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It had been two years. Two whole damn years since everything had crumbled beneath him. And yet, it felt like an eternity at times. Especially as he stared longingly at her stone-kissed face, the cement obscuring most of her external beauty much to his dismay. Still, her face exuded a look the boy had spent much of his time trying to decipher. Why she looked so at peace, and in so much pain at the same time. The two emotions seemingly danced around each other across the rough marble surface, completing their waltz within the deep irises of her eyes. The boy took his time examining her expression, even as the day began to slowly come to a close and people took their leave of the library.
She was the only one who truly comprehended how he felt after all. And what he’d gone through.
“Am I interrupting something, Nier?” a small and quiet voice called out to him from the balcony above. It retained a slight rasp to it as the sound of a throat clearing was heard, much to the boy’s annoyance. Still, he acknowledged her query and glanced up at her, meeting her gaze along with her hesitant look of worry.
“No, you’re not, Popola,” Nier responded with a small sigh to accompany it. He could only hope Popola wouldn’t bring attention to it. The last thing he needed was for her to worry herself to death about him again after all. “Is something wrong?”
“The library is closed for the night,” Popola said. She then gave him an apologetic smile, one that told him everything he needed to know. She didn’t like kicking him out, nor did she enjoy his disappointed look that resembled a neglected puppy everytime she needed to bring attention to the time. But, Nier knew that if she didn’t do anything, he would just spend all day there and work what spare jobs he could find in the meantime, not giving himself the chance to relax and get the sleep he so desperately needed.
“Oh, I see.” Nier returned her apologetic smile with his own disappointed frown. Though he couldn’t help but admonish himself for such childish behavior, especially towards Popola of all people. “I guess I’ll go home then.” His expression vanished as the words left his mouth and he replaced it with a blank slate.
Popola merely continued to smile at him, but a look of worry flashed across her face soon enough, causing it to waver. “Please get some rest. You can’t hunt Shades if you collapse from exhaustion,” the twin said. She then began to take her leave, disappearing from Nier’s view of the balcony. Although, he could still hear her voice as she called out one more thing to him, “And I’ll have Weiss tell me if you got any sleep.” And then, a door was heard closing and its echo reverberated throughout the quiet library and into the sky.
Nier could only sigh at this, knowing full well that his friend would happily indulge in the chance to give Popola a full report on his well being. It was frustrating for sure, as everyone seemed to be treating him like a wounded animal destined for a grim fate. And Weiss was no different. Despite his initial demeanor towards the boy, he’d grown quite fond of him and their friendship. And Nier knew that Weiss was deeply concerned for him. He could just only hope he stayed worried about the future, and not the past.
The sun had fallen behind the clouds as Nier took his leave of the library, the centerpiece of the small village. And now more so than ever had it become that way for the boy. After all, she was confined to its walls. But he decided to attempt to push the thoughts of Kainé to the depths of his mind for once, along with the other particular memories that accompanied her presence within him.
He needed to stop thinking about it, desperately needed to at the very least. It was eating him up, biting at his insides and singeing his stomach, causing his entire body to lurch forward and threaten to spill whatever remained of his lunch from earlier that afternoon. He didn’t understand why such memories had decided to resurface. After all, it’d been nearly three years since it’d happened. Though he had a few assumptions.
Yonah was the sole reason for what he did, for what he allowed himself to endure. But when he met Weiss, met Kainé and Emil, and eventually faced off against the Shadowlord and lost his sister to him, the sole reason for his actions had vanished. And that gave way for the floodgates to open, and for the trauma to finally begin to seep in.
He needed to keep it hidden though. Hidden away in the darkest corners of his mind from everyone who could potentially sniff it out and question him about it. That was the last thing he needed. The only one who could fully comprehend his suffering was gone after all, petrified behind an impenetrable barrier of stone and trapped within the confines of her own thoughts. Kainé was the only one Nier ever felt comfortable sharing his past with. Weiss was too nosy and Emil was too young. But she was perfect. She was his therapy. And she was gone.
As Nier approached the house of which he’d called his home for the past several years, several knots began to tighten within his stomach and his throat started to burn as though someone had taken sandpaper to it. He knew the talking to he was about to receive as soon as he walked through that door. But that was the last thing he wanted, especially from Weiss of all people.
But of course, Nier knew he couldn’t truly have what he wanted as he took a deep breath and pulled the door open as slowly as he could, hoping for at least a sliver of a chance for him to be spared from the impending lecture. Weiss was floating just above the kitchen table, his pages flicking about within his cover’s bindings and his entire demeanor saying it all; he was pissed.
“May I ask why it took you thrice as long to return home tonight, my lad?” Weiss asked with a shrill disdain in his voice. Nier could almost smell the disappointment emitting from the old tome before him.
The boy simply attempted to shrug off the question and averted his gaze from Weiss’s hardened stare as he began to formulate a response. “I was… paying Kainé a visit,” he said with a slight hesitance. Though he knew that wasn’t satisfactory enough for the white book.
“Paying Kainé a visit does not take four hours, no matter how long you wish to stare at that sorry excuse of a hussy!” Weiss huffed. “Next time, do say something before you run about all willy nilly and get yourself killed!”
“But it’s the truth! Just ask Popola!” Nier exclaimed. The knots in his stomach tightened even more as he spoke but he forced himself to maintain his demeanor. He hated arguing with Weiss, especially since he knew he would always lose. But, he was correct here, and he needed to make that abundantly clear.
Weiss didn’t say anything for a moment upon hearing Popola’s name. Though, after a few seconds, he merely sighed and propped himself up on the table, perhaps realizing it was useless to argue with the boy. “I don’t believe I need to speak to the twin over a trivial matter such as this. I shall take your word for it. Although I do inquire as to why you were with the hussy for such a long period of time. I would’ve come with you had I known that was all you would be doing.”
Nier felt his entire body stiffen as Weiss questioned him briefly over the matter, not knowing how to respond to his friend’s inquiry. He couldn’t explain it, not without letting the secrets of his well protected past fly out into the open for all to see. But he knew Weiss wasn’t about to let it go. He’d keep asking him about it, at least until the boy would finally snap.
“I uh… just wanted to talk to her I guess? I-I know she can’t hear me! A-and I know it doesn’t make a difference, but,” Nier’s voice trailed off as he attempted to find a way to explain it properly, “talking to her comforts me, even though she’s like this.” He wasn’t lying. That was all he’d done since he arrived at the library that afternoon. Although, the contents of his one-sided conversations would remain a secret, even if Weiss attempted to find out.
“I see… well I do suppose that hussy was always good for listening,” the book responded. “Though her taste in clothing was and still is a different story.”
“There’s nothing wrong with lingerie, Weiss,” Nier replied to his friend’s jab at Kainé’s fashion sense. Though he knew the white book was merely providing a joke in order to lessen the tension between them. “It can serve many purposes!”
“Including fighting hordes of monsters with makeshift swords?” Weiss flew up into the air as he spoke and spun around for a moment, as if to catch himself. “There are many uses for undergarments, my lad. But fighting in them, especially with heels of all things, is not one of them!” He then huffed and gave a small satisfactory noise, which resembled a haughty laugh of some sort.
While Nier knew Kainé would’ve killed both of them for having this discussion in the first place, he wasn’t about to try and argue back against Weiss’s points, knowing full well he was correct. “Yeah, there’s no arguing with you there.” A small smile caressed his lips as he spoke, something he had not expected to happen considering everything. But for the time being, he would welcome it.
Weiss also seemed to notice Nier’s change in mood and his slight glint of cheeriness behind his attempt at a stoic front. And it was obvious he was pleased with the boy’s change in attitude. It was something fresh after all of the heartache they’d gone through. They both needed a peaceful moment.
“You should get some sleep, lad. Devola paid a visit today and has requested a job for the two of us,” Weiss said with a sort of softness in his voice. That was something Nier rarely ever heard in the book’s words.
“Oh yeah? What’s the job?” Nier asked excitedly, clearly happy to finally be getting some work again. It had been quite a bit since the two of them were asked to handle a job, most likely due to how much of an effect the Shades and the Black Scrawl were having on the world and its economy. But if they could manage to find a single job in the midst of it all, Nier didn’t care what it was.
Weiss appeared to be overall pleased with the job they’d been requested to handle, and this only fed Nier’s excitement for the job. But that anticipation and happiness with come to an abrupt close as the tome gave his response. And it was something Nier never wished he would’ve heard.
“A man in Seafront has requested a pair of hands to aid him in the process of moving. It appears he no longer wishes to live on this side of the continent. But considering everything that has occurred over these past few years, I cannot say I blame the lad.” Weiss didn’t seem to notice Nier’s utter lack of excitement for the rarity that was a job. And before he could even have the chance to, the boy attempted to smother his clear dismay with a forced smile of sorts. Though he could only hope Weiss wasn’t observant enough to take notice of it.
“Seafront, huh? Th-that sounds nice.” Inwardly, the boy cursed himself for letting a stutter slip in through the cracks of his false display. Something such as that would hardly ever go unnoticed by his friend after all. It was a dead giveaway to the amount of fear Nier was feeling at the moment, the stomach churning horror that would never cease its torment upon his entire body.
Just then, his ponytail had felt extra tight, the bands gripping his hair with such force he could swear they were hands. Nier subconsciously brought his hand up to the back of his head, as if to check if the ponytail would come undone at any moment, if the hands holding it would finally let go.
Seafront and a man. He tried to reason with himself. A man could mean anyone! It didn’t have to be him! There were plenty of people in Seafront who wished to pack their bags and move. And it was a big city filled with hundreds of people. The chances of it being that man were slim to none. At least, that’s what Nier kept on trying to tell himself.
“Mm? Is something the matter, lad?” Weiss spoke up with clear worry as he examined the boy’s fearful gaze. It appeared his supposed attempt at a mask was slipping. And he couldn’t hide it as well as he’d hoped.
Nier merely shook his head and made his way past the book, keeping his gaze trained to the floor as he did so. “No, nothing is wrong.” He didn’t bother to give an explanation or a reason, nothing that could defend his behavior. He needed to stop thinking about it, all of it. He’s been to Seafront many times before this. And this time wouldn’t be any different. Well, it would. As Kainé wouldn’t be there to help him through it before they entered its gates.
Weiss didn’t say much else to him as Nier prepared for bed, a luxury the boy supposed he had over the book. And as he finally slipped under the covers and gave a small soft prayer to the gods above, Nier let his mind go for the first time that day. He thought of many things that night, of Yonah, of Weiss and Emil, of Kainé. But the darkness always seemed to lurk around every corner of his mind. And sooner or later, the sounds and smells of those nights burst through the seams of what little protection he’d tried to give himself within his thoughts.
The sounds of the man grunting and giving him small compliments. The smells of the damp room and the bed sheets stained with sweat and something else the boy had chosen to ignore. The feeling of his stomach tightening and his entire body being lit ablaze with a fiery warmth. But this was no warmth the boy had desired or craved. This warmth was that of a dragon. It ate at his insides and caused him to cry out from the sharp pain inflicted on him. And soon, the warmth had turned to a scalding hot, threatening to spill over and burn the boy alive.
Shame was an understatement for the way he felt once the act had finished.
...
“There have been more Shades spotted in the Southern Plains recently, so please be careful.” It was a quaint farewell the twin sister Devola had given Nier and Weiss as the two began to embark on their journey for Seafront.
Her words were comforting to Nier, the soft smile that accompanied them seemingly bringing his mind at ease almost in an instant. Devola was always a source of comfort for the boy. She was like a mother to him, always being there to caress his head and whisper words of encouragement and warmth in his ears. Though her touch was far different from his. She was kind and welcoming. He was not.
But it was still difficult for Nier to discern the two on occasion.
“We will. Thanks again for the job,” Nier said with a small smile curling against the corners of his mouth. The sign that he would be okay, that he knew he and Weiss would be okay. He didn’t want Devola to have to worry for his safety after all. But like always, a part of him knew she would no matter what.
“Of course! Now go kick some ass and bring back the money!” Devola excitedly pumped her fist in the air as she grinned from ear to ear, clearly masking her worry from both Weiss and Nier. Though the two could clearly see through it, they chose to simply smile at her demeanor and allow a small laugh to escape them.
“You make it sound like I’m heading into a tournament, Devola,” Nier replied. “All I’m doing is just moving some boxes.” He then laughed once more over the thought and returned Devola’s grin with one of his own, a rarity for him.
Devola seemed to take notice of this and her grin only widened. She then made her way over to Nier and patted him, albeit roughly, on the head. “Yeah yeah! But moving boxes is a test of strength and commitment!” the twin exclaimed with a hearty laugh.
Nier could only groan and attempt to swat Devola’s hand away out of annoyance. Though, he remained unsuccessful. But eventually, she ceased her torment upon him and removed her hand from his head, much to the boy’s relief. “Whatever you say, Devola.”
And thus, the two waved goodbye at the twin as they began their trek through the Southern Plains, crossing underneath the gate and giving the guards a wave of their own as they did so. It remained quiet and peaceful for a few minutes as Nier walked and Weiss floated just a few feet above him, neither of them speaking or so much as even acknowledging each other’s existence.
But then after the minutes had passed and the silence began to wane on him, Weiss turned to Nier. “I must ask, lad, why do you harbor such a disdain for Seafront?” the book questioned while he tilted his body in the air, as if to exemplify his curiosity through more than just words. “I have always found it quite peculiar. Did something happen?”
Nier fought with all his might to not freeze up upon hearing Weiss’s question, not wanting to make a scene in front of him. The words were like a punch to the gut, forcing his body to double down and attempt to take the punch. It was a painful experience to say the least, as he gritted his teeth and tried to play it off.
“Nothing happened,” the boy responded. “I just… don’t like it there is all.” He knew an answer such as this wouldn’t be satisfactory enough for the old tome. But he didn’t bother to provide anything more against Weiss’s questioning stare.
“I sincerely doubt your words, my dear boy,” Weiss said as he flitted about in the air and flicked through his pages. “But I shall not bring the subject to light anymore than I already have. It is clear to me that it is a secret you wish to remain hidden for the time being.”
Relief would not begin to describe Nier’s feelings upon hearing Weiss’s words. He always knew his friend was one with insatiable curiosity, constantly seeking things out and never knowing when to leave things alone. It was the one thing that had always irked the boy. So for him to leave this be, to not push Nier into spilling his secret, it filled him with such tranquil relief.
“Thank you,” Nier whispered as quietly as he could, not wanting Weiss to overhear his words of appreciation. He wished to keep his gratitude quiet, for if his friend found out, it may only lead to him questioning him more.
The rest of the walk was quaint and peaceful with the sun overhead dancing around playfully with the clouds. The day was relatively sunny, so what little Shades appeared were weakened to the point Nier could simply kick them aside with his foot and they’d vanish instantly. It was a surprisingly nice change from the usual darkened skies and Shades attacking them from every point of direction. And it was a welcomed one for sure. Although, Nier couldn’t help but wonder if it was the calm before the storm.
Weiss also appeared to share his worry as the book anxiously glanced around every now and then, though he clearly tried to make it as not obvious as he could. Eventually, the two passed Emil’s mansion. And after stopping to stare longingly at it for a moment, questioning if they’d pay a visit or not, the two continued on their merry way, leaving the mansion and Emil be.
After what felt like an eternity, with the sun beating down on them and a seemingly heightened humidity from the nearing bustling city of commerce, Nier could finally see the gate of Seafront before him, tucked away in its little corner between the surrounding hills. A sight like this had beckoned the boy to sharply inhale, his breath quickening at an alarming rate.
Two years prior, the boy would have Kainé to comfort him and tell him that it was going to be okay, that she would run in and save him should anything happen. She would build up his confidence and make him feel as though he could do it, that he would do it.
But now, Nier lacked the one thing that kept his sanity in check as he stared into the dark cave before him, illuminated only by the flickering dances of torchlight flooding the walls. His heart was racing and thudding against his chest so loudly he was almost positive Weiss could hear it. And his knees suddenly felt as though several hundred pounds were placed upon them, and he struggled to keep his balance.
He was on the brink of panic. And he had not a clue if he would be able to recover.
But then, just as his entire body felt as though it would cease movement at any given moment, something small nudged up against his shoulder and kept itself there, giving the boy something new to focus on. Nier looked down at what was leaning against his shoulder and providing him with a newly rejuvenated sense of feeling, keeping his entire focus trained on it and never breaking his concentration.
“Just breathe, lad. Breathe in and out with slow breaths,” Weiss spoke softly, barely keeping his voice above a whisper. “Four in, hold, and four out. Can you do that for me?” His tone was unusually quiet and calm, as though someone had provoked him into a thoughtful conversation. This helped ease Nier’s nerves and bring the surrounding senses flooding into him. But, in the midst of it all, he kept his breathing focused and did what Weiss told him to do.
Eventually, Nier felt his heart rate slow to its normal pace as he finally regained control of his breathing. The entire time this occurred, Weiss kept himself leaned against the boy, never once moving until he felt as though it was okay to do so. “Better?” he asked.
“Yeah,” was the response from Nier. And Weiss floated back up to his original height once the boy had spoken and signaled his status. Nier regained his stature, and his body language spoke of his intention to walk through those gates without faltering. He needed to. For Yonah and for Kainé.
“Good. Do tell me next time you feel yourself going into a state of panic such as what has just occurred,” Weiss said, his tone still soft with an air of calm surrounding it. This only furthered to ease Nier’s nerves.
“I will. Thanks, Weiss.” The boy flashed him a small smile as he spoke, one with clear gratitude. He never once thought Weiss would come to his aid like that, especially in such a peculiar situation. But he was incredibly thankful for the help, despite how ashamed he felt to allow himself to experience such an embarrassing situation in front of his friend.
After the two had collected themselves, they began to make their way through the tunnel and into the bustling city of Seafront. Nier looked less enthused by the minute as light from the clear sunny sky poured into the tunnel, signaling its end. Though, he did his best to keep his head high and stay confident through it all. Weiss staying by his side also helped the boy more than he thought it would. It was as though his mind knew he would never be alone in this venture, despite part of him saying otherwise as if to torment him.
Finally, the two reached the city and exited the tunnel, making sure to give the guard a small wave before they turned the corner to reach the inner depths of Seafront. The area emitted the stench of wealth and prosperity, something that Nier’s village had seriously lacked for years. Though with the wealth also came a wonderful air of warm welcomes and good feelings all around.
It was truly the ultimate dichotomy.
“I must say, every time I see this city, it becomes less grand with each passing moment,” Weiss commented as the two began their stroll through the market square. Nier couldn’t help but agree with him. Although, the bustling city had lost its exciting flare long ago for the boy, perhaps even before he’d met Weiss.
“Yeah. I guess the Shades and the Black Scrawl hit this place hard as well,” Nier replied with a grim look as he surveyed his surroundings. The shops, the people, and even the sea. They all looked the same to him. Stained in a putrid mix of red and black which oozed with the trauma he’d long since wished to forget. It was all too painful for him. Even now.
“Are you sure you’ll be alright, lad? Your little episode earlier felt like a grim omen to this old tome.” Weiss shot the boy a small glance before flicking his pages. Nier only responded with a nod and forced his gaze down to the ground. He despised how the book referred to his panic attack as a “grim omen”. But not because he felt it was insensitive. But because it felt that way for him as well. It had been quite awhile since he had experienced such horrendous panic after all.
Weiss merely huffed and continued to fly around him, clearly restless from the two stopping. He wasn’t the type to float around and do nothing, even with his usual grievances about him and Nier running from place to place with not a way to speed things along. But even so, he gave the boy all the time he needed and simply grumbled about wanting to hurry and get the job done, even though he’d just be floating while Nier did all of the heavy lifting.
“Alright, where to now?” Nier asked before pulling out his map of Seafront. Thanks to Devola, he had a clear mark as to where the man’s house was. And to his relief, it was not where he last remembered his house being. But unfortunately, it was still on the side of town where he’d long since wished to stay away from. The wealthy section of Seafront where merchants and noblemen alike would settle down in their massive houses Nier could only dream of owning. But, a job was a job. And it wasn’t like he was going to run into him, hopefully.
Weiss peered down at the map himself, examining it with the boy when he realized where they’d be going. “By my pages! The client appears to be quite the wealthy man! We might as well have struck gold deep in the treacherous mountains!” the white book chimed excitedly, clearly happy to see they received a job that may actually pay well. Though Nier knew not to celebrate too quickly.
“Easy there, Weiss. Some people, especially wealthy ones, are unfortunately not that giving,” he responded to his friend’s cheerful demeanor. He knew all too well that whoever it was who’d asked them to do this job, was most likely not going to pay them much, if anything at all. That was just how the world worked unfortunately. And Nier had damn near firsthand experience with it.
“Would it kill you to have some optimism, my dear boy?” Weiss asked in an irritated tone. Nier could only shrug at this, not knowing how to respond.
Soon the two once again began their trek to the client’s house, only once stopping to ask for directions and twice to argue with each other about which turn to take. It was quite grating for the both of them, with Nier being on edge the deeper they went into the wealthy section of Seafront, and Weiss not knowing when to quiet his tongue. But eventually, the merry pair had arrived at the street which housed the home of their wealthy client.
Nier gulped and kept his gaze focused on the ground before him, ignoring the overcast shadows dancing around in the sunlight which had begun to blind his sight. Weiss simply floated by his side, for once seemingly not having a word to say as the boy hesitated at the entrance of the street.
“Did something occur here, lad?” Weiss did not have nothing to say after all. Nier could only glare at the ground and tighten his grip on his clenched fists, not knowing what to say in response to that.
He couldn’t tell Weiss anything. Save for the impending lecture if he did, he knew Devola and Popola would have a fit if they found out! And if Weiss ever told Emil, it’d be pure torture to so much as even look at either of them.
“No.” Nier steadied his shaking voice as tears began to prick at his eyes. Damn it. Not now! He couldn’t cry. Not there. Not when he was so close to doing an actual job for once. The boy quickly turned away from Weiss and blinked furiously, attempting to wash away any signs of tears from his face. Then, he turned back to face the neighborhood and made his first step.
The house was at the end of the street. And while the other homes towered over the pair as they walked, this one was particularly small by comparison. It also looked to be in need of multiple repairs, much to Nier’s surprise. The windows were cracked and several boards leaned up against the chipped and eroded exterior of the house’s walls. Even the door itself looked to be rotting away in its hinges. Nier supposed he could say bye bye to any hopes of receiving a hefty payment.
“But of course we have the most run down home on this grandiose street! My optimism has paid off splendidly!” Weiss exclaimed, frustration finding its way into his voice as he spoke. “I don’t suppose it’s too late to turn our heels on this grotesque house before we find ourselves in the depths of hell, my lad? Perhaps we could call in sick.”
Nier could only sigh at this, knowing how much Weiss despised anything that resembled something that’d either kill you or you’d get killed in. It was almost simply a part of his nature to react that way. But unfortunately, a job was a job. And Nier wasn’t going to turn it down no matter how much his gut had begged him to do so.
“Let’s just talk to the client,” Nier said as he made his way towards the front door. In an instant, a cold breeze had washed over him and chilled his bones to the point of terror. This seemed all too familiar as he held his hand just inches away from the rotting door, the entire situation knocking a sense of nostalgia into his horrified heart.
But this nostalgia was not a pleasant one. This one spoke of trauma that had embedded itself deep within Nier’s body, causing his demeanor to falter and his breath to hasten. But he couldn’t panic. He needed to prevent it by all means necessary. This wasn’t his home after all. The client wasn’t him. It wasn’t that man who would open the door and give Nier a cheerful smile with an underlying trap just beneath the surface before pulling him inside and doing the unthinkable to him. But even though he knew this, why was he still hesitating?
Finally, after Nier had forced himself to regain his composure so as to not worry his friend behind him, the boy brought his hand to the door and softly knocked three times while calling out the reason for his arrival.
He then waited briefly as the sounds of shuffling were heard from behind the door, making it apparent someone was hurrying to greet him. And as his foot tapped nervously on the pavement beneath him, the door swiftly opened, revealing a man with long stringy gray hair and an eager smile behind it.
“Welcome! I suppose you’re the one who will be helping me move?” the man asked in a deep raspy voice. Nier had his assumptions about whoever lived in the house prior to him knocking. But this was something he never even expected considering the neighborhood. The man’s clothing was wrinkled and baggy with various stains covering much of its surface. He was not one Nier would’ve considered to be on the wealthy side. Though, considering he was only there to perform his job and nothing more, he supposed he had nothing to question.
“Yes, we are,” Nier responded with his own uncertain smile, unsure of how to proceed with such matters.
The man merely tilted his head in clear confusion. “We?” he asked, his voice seeming to deepen towards the end of the word in the form of a low bellow.
“I believe I should make my presence known as well,” Weiss piped up from his position before floating over to Nier’s side. Though his disappointment was clear in the way it edged in his voice.
The man seemed to be rather surprised by Weiss’s appearance beside Nier, as if he was hoping to have only expected the boy himself. This caused Nier to be rather on edge with him, though he only hoped it was his mind being overly cautious and not a repeat of something he wished to never experience again. But with the way the man was eyeing him with an eerie grin splattered across his putrid face, there was no telling of his intentions.
“I see. Well, welcome to my humble abode you two! I really hope you forgive the mess though,” the man said as he gestured for the pair to follow him inside, to which they did. The entire time, Nier was nervously glancing around, surveying his surroundings with an almost fearful look across his face.
The house was dark and damp on the inside, with mold rotting away in almost all corners of the foul smelling residence and little light leaking through the curtained off windows. Nier and Weiss both exchanged looks of worry as they wandered further in, clearly put off by the entire feel of the home. It was disgusting to say the least and spoke of the man’s horrid manners of upkeep.
“What a… unique place,” Weiss said hesitantly, not wanting to ruin his and Nier’s possible chances at a good payout. The man only smiled at this and thanked him, explaining that he was not able to keep up with the required repairs of the old home due to a broken ankle, to which Nier had begun to notice the man’s limp which had been previously overshadowed by his overwhelming anxiety.
“I see,” Nier said absentmindedly as he took a glance at the enormous pile of boxes hiding in the depths of one of the room’s corners. Judging by the size of the pile, he estimated it would take him around an hour and a half or so to complete the work. Unless, of course, the weight of the boxes had something different to say in the matter.
The man gave the boy a curious glance as he stared, and out of the corner of his eyes, Nier could see the man’s lips curling into a grotesque smile. “Can I ask you something, boy?” he asked as his smile slowly morphed into a wild grin. Nier merely gulped and turned to fully face him, hoping that the man’s expression was only a figment of his imagination. But, to his dismay, it was not.
“Y-yes?” Nier didn’t even bother to hide his nervous demeanor as he stepped back away from the man and closer to Weiss. He didn’t care if the book questioned him about this later. But everything in his body was screaming at him to run, run far away from the house, from the street, and especially from the man whose stench was threatening Nier’s stomach to double down and spill everything it had ever eaten before.
The man didn’t seem to take notice of this, or if he did, he did not care. Instead, his grin only grew wider as he cheerfully glanced from both Nier to Weiss and back to Nier. Then, he clasped his hands together and spoke, “Are you the boy my good friend brought to his home every now and then before he died?”
Silence was an understatement with the way every sound in the room had escaped from the tense situation. A pin could drop and it would sound like an ancient weapon of old firing off and exploding into the floor below.
Nier’s eyes widened as the question was asked. And the nausea he’d felt for awhile had suddenly become a raging storm which violently ripped his insides to shreds. He couldn’t speak, for his throat had become clogged with vomit threatening to spill. And his mind roared and pleaded for him to turn his heels and run like never before.
The man simply continued to smile and didn’t seem to care about Nier’s lack of a response. Instead, he began to hum to himself and strode on over to the makeshift kitchen tucked away at the other end of the house. “I knew it,” he said while continuing to hum. It was a strange melody at first to the boy. But then, he realized that it was the same damn song he had sung before assaulting him. “My friend loved to talk about you. Oh he’d go on for hours and hours. Just chatting away about the fun you and him had!”
“Excuse me?!” Weiss’s voice suddenly bellowed throughout the home, shaking it to its very foundation. This had brought Nier out of his horrified state, though only just slightly. “May I ask what you mean by this?! Am I wrong to assume the worst?!” His anger was clear as it ripped through his tone and Nier could swear he heard the heartbreak somewhere in his words as well.
The man only laughed and hollered over Weiss’s outburst, as if he had not a care in the world. But who was he fooling? He truly didn’t care. “Oh you’re right to assume what happened! But, my friend wasn't stingy or anything. He did pay well after all. Very well indeed.” It was as if his evil grin had taken on the form of words as he spoke, for how demented his tone was.
This only seemed to fuel Weiss’s anger towards the man as he tilted forward in what could be considered his form of a scowl. “How dare you laugh over such a horrendous act! It truly speaks to your character and the kind of person you are!” He then flew around the room, shaking with furious rage as he did so and his pages flying about within their bindings. Though the man did not listen to his words and simply continued to laugh over them.
Nier could only fight against his knees weakening with every second they stood, though he didn’t even bother to try and resist his tears anymore and allowed them to spill. This was too much. The man still lived on, though in the form of a friend disguised as a tormentor who merely brought him out to a wretched city to torture him. The boy could feel himself breaking on the inside, just as he had felt all those years ago. The voice in his head was beginning to scream at him, scream things that he could only attempt to ignore. That he deserved this. That this was what he got for killing a human being. That he was the real monster and he was receiving his just punishment.
But then, just as Nier was about to give in and collapse to the ground from exhaustion, Weiss nudged him in the shoulder. “We’re leaving, lad,” he spoke with a calm voice, a harsh contrast to the one he’d used just seconds prior. Nier could only stare down at him for a moment, his mind racing with over a thousand thoughts and worries. But then, he glanced up at the old man still howling with laughter as he prepared a cup of tea, this one sight seeming to completely bring the boy out of his horrified trance.
And so, he ran.
The two didn’t bother to stop racing down the streets of Seafront until they were well past the wealthy neighborhood harboring that horrific sight of a home. Nier felt the cracks of his stoic exterior breaking down completely as he ran, letting the tears flow freely as they came and never moving to wipe them away. It was too exhausting to even attempt to control his sobs by this point, and Nier knew that once they were far far away, he’d have a better chance at regaining his old mask that hid it all.
Finally, the two had reached the exit to Seafront. And they raced through the torchlit tunnel leading to Nier’s oasis of peace and tranquility, of no pain and what little trauma there was at the surface. They finally began to slow to steady walk when the tunnel started to show signs of nearing its end, with light from the sun-kissed sky pooling around a tight corner. And as they exited the tunnel and allowed the sun to bestow its powerful rays of light upon them as well, Weiss had come to a stop.
Nier soon followed in his friend’s shadow and stopped as well. Though unlike Weiss, his knees gave way and he collapsed to the ground’s warm and comforting surface. It was then where Nier began to completely break down, no longer controlling how loud his sobs were, not even caring that Weiss was just several inches from him. It was too painful. The memories had flooded his mind and ate at everything that had brought him even a single ounce of happiness the past few years. Yonah and her smile, meeting Weiss and gaining his first true friend, Kainé’s crude yet kind personality which had offered him a source of comfort, Emil’s unwavering kindness and excitement to meet new people. All of it was shrouded within the shadow of the looming memories that had plagued him for so long.
Assault. The man’s hands caressing him in places they never should’ve been. His breath meeting his lips and forcing his way into the boy’s purity. All of these feelings. All of these emotions and senses. It was almost as though they were still as real as ever. And he could never escape them. No matter how hard he tried.
But then, as Nier continued to break down in sobs and weep as loudly as he could, something slammed itself against his chest, burrowing into his clothing and not moving, even as the boy looked down in surprise to see what it could be. “It’s alright, lad,” Weiss spoke, his voice muffled. “It’s alright.”
Nier could not begin to describe the feeling that had washed over him as Weiss nestled against him in what was supposed to be seen as a comforting gesture. Though, it did its purpose as Nier had brought his arms around the old tome tightly and sobbed into his pages.
Weiss took it all in and went limp in the boy’s grasp, giving him time to cry it out and relieve himself of the pain he’d experienced for so long. As a friend and a sort of mentor figure, he supposed this was the best course of action to take, especially considering all of the pain and suffering his closest friend had gone through. He needed some relief, something to hold onto and a shoulder to cry on. And Weiss knew that he was the only one at that moment who could provide such a thing.
Eventually, Nier’s sobs slowed to soft whimpers, and his grip loosened on Weiss as he began to hug himself. Weiss took this as a notice that he was ready to try and carry on soon. Though, the book would offer him as much time as he needed to regain his composure.
“May I ask what happened, Nier?” Weiss asked in a hesitant manner, not knowing how to get the answers he wanted without overstepping invisible boundaries. He’d even used Nier’s name, which was something he’d never done before. Though to his surprise, Nier was willing to provide him a response, even as he sniffled and wiped his tears from his stained cheeks flushed with red.
“I-it was a few y-years ago…” Nier began. Subconsciously, the boy had begun to grasp at the ground as tightly as he could, pulling at the blades of grass and tearing them from their roots. “Y-Yonah was sick, a-and this man offered t-to pay me… if I- if I-” He couldn’t finish the sentence before his body began to uncontrollably shake, reliving the nightmare that was that day when the man had grabbed him forcefully and covered his mouth before whispering a sickly sweet trap of promised money into his ear.
Weiss merely remained calm and floated down to Nier’s eye level, never ceasing to break his gaze with the boy. “Calm yourself, lad. And take your time.” He knew his words had brought a sort of comfort to Nier, a feeling of familiarity in the midst of the painful memories that were once again starting to become his reality again in his eyes. But Weiss wouldn’t let that happen. Not under his watch.
Nier nodded upon hearing Weiss’s words and attempted to steady himself, slowly breathing in and out like he was told to the last time they’d been outside of Seafront’s gate. And slowly, he began to regain a level of control in his voice. And, while still maintaining eye contact with the white book, Nier continued his story after taking a deep breath and readying himself further.
“He offered to pay me if I s-sold myself to him. A-and Yonah was sick so I had no choice!” Those very words were like poison to the Nier’s tongue and he winced as he spoke. “E-every week, I’d go to his home in Seafront a-and… do things with him. I-it hurt a lot and I hated every second of it, b-but,” Nier paused for a moment to take a deep breath before continuing, “thanks to that, Yonah got the medicine she needed.”
But the story didn’t end there. Just as Weiss was about to attempt to say something, to say whatever he could to bring comfort to the boy, Nier began to speak once more, “O-one day, I was paired up with him and a few others to kill some Shades. A-and in the midst of it all, I- I killed him.” A single, sorrowful laugh escaped the boy’s lips after he’d spoken his final secret. “I-it didn’t feel any different than killing a Shade.” He then continued to laugh, his voice breaking down into a raspy wheeze as he attempted to regain a semblance of his stoic mask again.
“D-doesn’t that make me a bad person? Aren’t I awful for feeling like this?” It was a rather childish question in Nier’s eyes. Though to Weiss, it was a reasonable thing to ask. Despite his horror and pain for the child before him, the old book had not much to say. Perhaps it was due to his mind attempting to process the information far faster than he actually could. Or for once, the great Grimoire Weiss was finally at a loss for words. But whatever the case was, he needed to provide a response. And quickly.
“No, it doesn’t,” Weiss responded after a moment of consideration. “You suffered through what one could consider to be hell to save the one you so deeply cared for and in response did one, selfish act. You are not a bad person my boy, far from it in fact. You are merely human.” If he could smile, he would. Though his words would suffice for the moment.
Nier took his response in with great thought and consideration. And for a moment, he almost didn’t believe him. But when Weiss gave the boy a small and gentle nod, Nier felt every incentive to believe in his words. And so, tears began to flood his eyes once more and sting his reddened cheeks. But he did not care. For finally, his voice was heard once more for the first time in two years.
“Oh, but I do believe I shall indulge in my own variant of selfishness,” Weiss spoke up as Nier broke down for the second time that day. Quickly though, the boy attempted to dry his tears as the book spun around for a moment to gather his attention. And, for the first time and probably the last, Nier heard something he thought would only ever come out of Kainé’s mouth.
“I am going to track down that son of a bitch who gave us that job and put him in a rightful place which I do believe would be the goddamn ground!”
These words alone lifted Nier’s spirits as he fought back a smile, eventually losing and allowing himself to properly display it, much to Weiss’s contentment. “There’s that smile that was sorely lacking from your expression, my dear boy,” he said with a cheerful buzz illuminating his tone. “It is quite nice to see it once more.” This had only caused Nier to smile further.
“I never expected you of all people to swear, Weiss,” the boy responded as he continued to dry his tears, chuckling to himself in the process. “It’s kind of surprising considering how you treated Kainé for her mouth.”
“The hussy’s mouth is filthier than an oil polluted ocean!” Weiss huffed. “Whereas my mouth will never be used to vomit such horrid filth disguised as language, with only one exception of course.” He then turned away from the boy, keeping his gaze focused up ahead on the growing colony of Shades beneath a darkened patch of land. “But enough of that. Are you well enough to perform your duty now? Or shall I take this horde on myself?”
“I think I’m okay now,” Nier said as he moved to stand up, causing the Shades to finally acknowledge him as the sun playfully danced into a nearby cloud. He quickly readied his weapon, all the while drying what remained of his tears. “Thanks, Weiss. For everything.”
“Anytime, lad,” Weiss responded as he opened his pages to perform Dark Blast. “But next time, do try to refrain from keeping secrets such as this from me. I will not get angry, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” Nier’s smile widened as he truly believed the words he’d just spoken. His fear was misplaced with Weiss, he wouldn’t doubt that. But now, he instilled a newfound sense of peace that no matter what happened and what he went through, his closest friend would be there for him all the way.
And he also supposed Kainé wouldn’t be the only one sharing his secret now, much to his surprised relief.