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Why?
Delphine and Solange had asked them and they found themselves wondering the same thing. Why did everyone leave them, wondered Bill. Yes, they left everyone, wanderers that they were, but he was so often rejected or abandoned. Judith and Esther leaving was still fresh, and he was genuinely a bit saddened about it.
Why try to seduce them, Etienne asked himself. Yes, they were beautiful girls, of course. Charming, even. Their quick wit and sarcasm didn’t even try to hide their genuine optimism. They were undeniably attractive, sure. So why couldn’t they just fall in love with them, for real, aside from the feeling of kinship and the want to sleep with them?
He sighed, sitting down on the border of the stage, covered in confetti and remnants of the fair. The night was well and truly there, now, to the point where the square was basically deserted.
“Are you alright?” Bill asked.
Etienne turned towards him and grinned. This was his best friend. His buddy. His pal. Bill never left, or only alongside him. They were lonely but always together, so he knew he’d be fine.
“As always,” he replied, and he meant it. They were always alright. He didn’t like being sad, had always preferred joy, and he found it in the console of a friend. “You?”
Bill shrugged, but offered a bashful smile.
“As always.”
They fell silent for a second, in companionable silence, taking comfort in each other"s presence. Then, finally, Étienne stood.
“We should go to bed. We have to get up early tomorrow.”
Humming a tune, he brushed the dust and confetti off his clothes. Bill twirled to his singing, with a small but bright smile, looking so free Etienne found his heart beating harder. Their eyes met. And they might have not been blue, but they were still incredibly bright.
“You coming?” His friend called, hair still tousled by his movement.
. He nodded, but didn’t move. “Esther is stupid,” he stated, abruptly. Bill looked first confused, then flustered.
“I mean… She’s probably happier with her sailor.”
“Probably. You’re still better than him, though,” Etienne stated with absolute certitude.
Bill avoided his eyes, unsure how to respond. He remembered the first night they met. He’d been drunk. He remembered the way the man who’d become his boss and best friend had helped him and how perfect he’d seemed in the streetlight. Bill had almost kissed him, or at least wanted to, in the drunken stupor. He didn’t, and he never entertained the thought again. Ruining their friendship could be quite easy, and irreversible. Bill had lovers, and girlfriends, and he never mentioned it. Right now, he found himself wondering if, perhaps, his friend had felt it too. This unspoken thing, this simple fact of life. At the end of the day, it was always the two of them who ended up alone… together.
“Maybe it’s best that way,” said Etienne, as if responding to his friend’s thought. “Maybe we should just go to bed.”
It was the second time he said that, and yet he was still unmoving. Hesitant to break the moment. In the end, he walked up to his friend, wrapped an arm around his shoulders tightly. They walked back towards their truck together, in a routine that was familiar, and yet, something different was in the air that night. Something had shifted.
Etienne shed his jacket and stretched, as Bill sat on his bunk. He ran a hand in his hair, unsure what to do. They had of course shared a space for years, but for some reason he hesitated, just a second, before he started unbuttoning his shirt. He just focused on the task, and soon forgot about his self-consciousness.
As he turned and his eyes fell on his friend, the boss froze for a second. Somehow, he found himself unable to look away from the slender yet solid frame, the bony clavicle, the smooth skin that was in front of him. He’d seen girls that looked less delicate, and boys that were less strong, and there was something about the way Bill was just at the limit within pretty and handsome that was suddenly fascinating to him. He heard his own voice and was almost surprised to hear himself speaking.
“You know, the night we met, I thought…”
“Etienne.” Bill spoke gently before he could find his words.
“Yes.”
Somehow, it felt more like an answer than a question, and somehow he wasn’t quite surprised when the movements that Bill had paused started again, this time, not as perfunctory, more aware of him watching, slower. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, he took off his open shirt. Slowly, he stood, his thin lips parting but finding no words. Etienne remembered asking earlier, to a different person, for a kiss to end the party. He remembered how she smiled at him and let him kiss her cheek, and wondered how it’d feel to lean into Bill’s space. Different, surely. They were roughly the same height, with maybe a few centimetres less on his side. And Bill certainly wasn’t a pretty blonde girl. Though, he might even prefer him.
“Okay?” he asked. Bill had an incredulous half smile at hearing his own pleading word from earlier.
“Okay…” he replied, and just like he’d done earlier to Delphine, Etienne took his chin in between his fingers and leaned closer.
But, unlike earlier, the mechanician tilted his head down, and met his lips. Unlike earlier, a chaste kiss that had turned attraction into friendship, this kiss was crossing friendship into attraction, perhaps existing from before, but for the first time acknowledged.
He moved back from the kiss, tilting his head on the side thoughtfully. Bill looked at him, at his short black hair, dark brown eyes and that cocky demeanour that was more charming than infuriating. His best friend.
His best friend that he just shared a kiss with and was staring at him with something akin to hunger. He smiled, ran a hand in his hair, a bit nervously.
“Are we really doing this?”
“If you want to, yes.”
Bill nodded emphatically. Etienne"s hand slid, slowly, from his chin to his throat, making him shiver, and finally settled on the junction of his neck and shoulder. Then, they were kissing again, hungrily, his own hands coming up to grip his friend"s - his lover"s - collar. Soon, Etienne was pulling him towards his bunk, not breaking the kiss one moment. They stumbled a little, and had to break contact for a second.
A strangled sound escaped his friend"s throat when Bill moved in a smooth movement to straddle him, pressing close to him with a copy smile. Deciding it was totally unfair that he was the only half-naked one, he clumsily undid the buttons on his shirt, relishing in the sight of the toned chest. He was only distracted from this task when he felt Etienne"s hand slide down his back, over his jeans, and grope his arse. He raised an eyebrow, only to be faced with a self satisfied grin. He could feel himself blushing, and received another squeeze.
“Sorry,” Etienne said, looking not sorry whatsoever, “couldn"t help myself.”
“Fuck off,” mumbled Bill, burying his face in his neck.
Soon, he was dropping kisses on the warm skin there, his hands starting on the shirt again until his friend"s naked torso was pressed against his. The sensation of his lips on Etienne"s skin felt amazing, and he could hear his breath hitch every time teeth grazed against his skin.
Why? Etienne wondered again. Why didn"t we do this sooner. He slid his hands under the white denim and pants until he found skin, soft and plush to the touch, and he couldn"t help himself but grope him again. Bill was handsome and he always knew and noticed that, but he wondered briefly for how long he"d wanted to do this without even realising it, too used to the yearning for his friend"s touch. He didn"t want to think about that, didn"t want to think at all, really, so he gripped the soft hair at the nape of Bill"s neck to pull him into a kiss, relishing in the gasp that tore from his lover.
They kissed again, hungrily and slowly, content to explore for now. He felt teeth grazed against his lower lip and let out a surprised moan. He was uncomfortably hard now, especially with how tight these trousers were. He moved one hand away from Bill to open his fly, searching for partial relief. A hand caught his wrist and he broke the kiss, confused.
“Let me.”
Bill"s voice was a hoarse whisper, his cheeks flushed, his light brown eyes almost shining with want. And fuck, Etienne was waxing poetics, but he couldn"t help it, not when the man looked like that and was in his lap and was the closest person he had, the only constant in his life, and-.
“Yes,” he gasped out, because, again, he didn"t want to think.
And soon, deft, strong fingers were opening his jeans and sliding inside, palming him through his underwear. He gasped, looking up with parted lips, almost shocked at how good it felt. Their eyes caught and for a moment they were staring at one another, intense and wanton, until it became too much and Etienne broke eye contact and imitated his friend, his now free hand opening his fly and sliding down both his trousers and underwear, exposing his hard shaft. Fuck. He had sex before, of course, it was something he was good at, but right now he felt unsure and clumsy.
Given the way Bill was looking at him, though, he certainly was doing something right, and the groan that escaped his lips when he wrapped a hand around him only confirmed that. He smiled and ran thumb over the head, teasing.
“Please…”
His own cock twitched just hearing the lust in the other man’s voice, and he swallowed, hard. Etienne mumbled a ‘wait’ and moved to lower his own underwear, pushing closer until they were pressed together, looking up at Bill questioningly.
“This okay?”
What he got in response was an almost frantic nod and a needy roll of hips. He moved to wrap a hand around them both, his own lips falling open at just how good it felt, messy and needy as it was, to feel Bill’s skin against his own and looking up at him as he fell into pleasure. He knew this wouldn’t last, they both just needed this too much. Warm skin and small moans and each other’s presence, staring at the other in wonder, drinking in his reaction, was enough. Bill grabbed him by the hair to kiss him, urgently, and they moved together, messily, perfectly, and it wasn’t too long before Etienne gasped and, his free hand grasping at the side of the bunk, he came abruptly, tensing and his eyes half-closed.
Just seeing him like this, taunt, suddenly falling into silent pleasure, watching him fall apart, was enough for Bill to feel closer to the edge. He kept his hand moving, faster now, and only a few seconds later, he was spilling between them with a moan, still gazing at Etienne under him. He kept moving until his friend winced, and he moved back, still sitting in his lap but putting more distance between them, and tilted his head.
“Are you alright?” Incredulous laughter was his reply.
“Better than that!” He gave a small half-smile, feeling suddenly strangely shy, even after what had happened. “Does this… change anything?”
“If you want it to.” Bill felt a sudden rush of nervousness, biting into his lower lip. A mischievous smirk was the first, reply, followed by a simple:
“Sure.”
“Sure?!” He couldn’t help but laugh, shaking his head. He couldn’t even be offended, because this was so him, so very in character for this man that he was maybe a tiny little bit in love with.
“Sure,” Etienne repeated, and he leaned up to kiss him.
And it would both change everything and nothing, surely, since they were both travellers, carnies, poets, and they kept changing and still stayed the same. They did have once constant, though, and it was each other.