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Abused and Ashamed

Summary:

Spencer notices something is wrong with Luke during a case, no matter how hard Luke tried to hide it. When Spencer asks, he learns one of Luke's most kept secrets.

This is a Tumblr prompt, "Request: Something on a case triggers Luke and he tries to hide it, but Spencer notices."

Notes:

For my lovely Mandy 🖤

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Spencer wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew there was something bothering Luke. The two had only been dating for three months so far, well – three months, one week, four days, eight hours, twenty-two minutes, and sixteen seconds – if you asked Spencer, but the two had gotten to know each other very well in that short time.


After Spencer got out of prison, Luke was his shoulder to cry on. He was a rock, helping him get adjusted to the free world again. They hung out any time they could and soon, Spencer was doing better – much better, but Spencer still found himself wanting to be near Luke as much as possible. Spencer was debating about asking Luke out when Luke asked him out first. They just had a way of knowing what the other was feeling without any words being shared so when Luke’s mood shifted ever so slightly, Spencer knew there was something wrong.


The case was a relatively simple one. They were dealing with a Black Widow unsub. A woman who targeted men using love or sex before killing them. These relationships could last hours or years, but in the end there was always the same result. After they found the unsub, and they were interviewing her, Luke’s mood only seemed to get worse. He didn’t want to even look at the woman and Spencer felt him tense up when he moved past him.


There was no time to ask Luke about it though, not until they were back at their hotel room. Thankfully, the team had to share rooms, meaning that Spencer and Luke got to bunk together.


“Luke, will you come sit next to me?” Spencer asked Luke as he was getting out of the shower, dressed in a plain t-shirt and a pair of Tardis Dr. Who PJ pants that Spencer had gotten him. Spencer placed two mugs of warm tea on the small kitchen table in the room, sitting on one of the seats.


Luke nodded and moved to sit across from Spencer, but he didn’t say anything. Spencer studied Luke for a moment before Luke said, “Aren’t you the one always reminding us not to inner-team profile?”


Spencer laughed to himself, “You are right, sorry.” Spencer took a sip of his tea. “It’s just, something is bothering you and I can’t figure out what it is.”


Luke looked down at his own tea, “I thought I was hiding it well. I guess that is what I get for working with profilers,” Luke said with a slight grin.


“Luke, it's not that I’m a profiler – it’s that I’m your boyfriend. I care about you. Did you want to talk about it?”


Luke shrugged, “It’s nothing really. I just… something about the case today got to me.”


Spencer furrowed his brow. Today’s case was the tamest one they have had for a few months now. “What about it?”


Luke moved uncomfortably in his seat, “The woman… Johanna Turner. It’s just… she reminded me of someone.”


“Can I ask who?” Spencer said after a beat of silence, trying to urge Luke to get out what was bothering him.


Luke took a sip of his tea, looking in thought for a moment before saying, “I used to have a girlfriend… She—uh…” Luke shifted in his seat again, clearly unsure if he wanted to talk about it.


Spencer bit his lip, he already was sure where this conversation was going to go and his heart hurt for his boyfriend. “It’s okay, Luke, you can tell me as much or as little as you want.”


Luke looked up at his boyfriend's trusting face and nodded, “Her name was Johanna too. She had long dark hair just like the unsub… She would… She was my first real relationship. I tried so hard to make her happy, probably trying harder than I had to because I didn’t know why I wasn’t attracted to her even though she was so beautiful.”


“You didn’t know you were gay yet,” Spencer supplied, and Luke nodded. It was common for queer people to try and date who they were told they were supposed to date before they realized they were queer.


“I think she might have known, or maybe she was just a bad person but… She would get so upset over everything. She would scream and throw things and… and hit. I tried so hard but…” Luke sighed and started to rub a scar just under his hairline near his right temple. “It’s embarrassing.”


Spencer cocked his head to the side, “How so?”


Luke gave a small self-deprecating laugh, “Because… I should be tougher than that. I’m from the Bronx. I was in the U.S. Army, the 75th Rangers Regiment in Iraq… I shouldn’t have let a 5 foot and 4-inch woman hurt me like that and now, all these years later…”


Spencer nodded, he knew Luke wasn’t being sexist by pointing out that a woman hurt him – it was the fact that according to society, that made him look weak and he was embarrassed by it. Spencer understood that too well having had his issues with Lindsay Vaughn and Cat Adams.


“Luke, you have nothing to be embarrassed over. It doesn’t matter who it was, someone still hurt you and that is never your fault.” Spencer said, reaching across the table to hold Luke’s hand.


“I know that but… Part of me is just so ashamed. She… She almost killed me,” Luke said, avoiding Spencer’s eyes but still rubbing the scar on his head with his free hand. “One day I was hanging out with a friend, and I came home late. She accused me of cheating, I didn’t though!” Luke said, looking up at Spencer.


“I believe you, Luke,” Spencer said, and Luke relaxed a little, as if he was scared that Spencer would get mad too, even though he knew Spencer wouldn’t.


“Thank you… Well, she didn’t. She ended up throwing a glass vase at me. It broke and a piece of glass got stuck in my head right here,” Luke pointed at the spot he had been rubbing. “The injury itself wasn’t life-threatening but…”


“But if it was a few centimeters over, she would have sent glass through your temple,” Spencer said when Luke didn’t. Luke just nodded and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill down his face.


“Love, will you look at me, please?” Spencer asked, waiting for Luke to look up before saying, “Thank you for telling me and trusting me with this, but I want you to know that none of that was your fault. It wasn’t your fault that she got angry, that she hurt you, or that you weren’t attracted to her. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about.”


Luke wiped a tear that made its way to his cheek and nodded his head.


“Today’s reaction to the unsub was due to PTSD, or PTSS as you told me,” Spencer said, smiling slightly at the memory, “It's an injury. Have you talked to someone about this?”


Luke shrugged, “I don’t suppose just telling you counts, huh?”


Spencer smiled, “No, love, it doesn’t."


Luke sighed, "I just could never bring myself to tell anyone else..."


Spencer nodded, "I understand. I can help you look for a non-Bureau therapist if you like. I will always listen to anything you tell me, but a professional might also help.”


Luke got up from his chair and walked over to Spencer, who stood up as Luke approached him. Luke wrapped his arms around Spencer and whispered, “Thank you, cariño. I love you.”


Spencer leaned back and gave Luke a gentle kiss, “I love you too.”

Notes:

This is my first Ravlez, let me know what you think! Thank you!