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As it was

Summary:

Jeno has been a defining part of his life since middle school. They’ve gone through all the awkward phases that come with growing up together and Jaemin used to think they were inseparable because of that.

Now Jeno refuses to even sleep in the same bed as Jaemin like it’s something they haven’t been doing for years. Treating Jaemin like some quick hookup that he’ll never talk to again.

Tldr: Jeno and Jaemin were best friends, now they just fuck.

Notes:

Tw: there is SA and a possible underage relationship mentioned. Very minor and neither happen, Jaemin just kinda thinks it might have.

 

My main inspirations for this fic were.

“The cut that always bleeds” by Conan gray
“Midnight love” by girl in red
“As it was” by Harry styles

Work Text:

Jaemin is woken by the sound of his phone buzzing next to him. Annoyed he rolls over, grabbing his phone, eyes squinting from the light burning his eyes.

Three texts from Jeno all simply stating that he’s outside. Sighing, Jaemin drops his phone back onto the bed. He stares at the door barely visible in the darkness. He wonders if Jeno will start pounding on the door if Jaemin Doesn't answer, or if he learned his lesson after Jaemin's neighbor screamed at Jeno, the last time he did.

Jaemin’s tempted by the idea of ignoring Jeno, just to text him tomorrow morning demanding that he come at a more reasonable time.

Only for the sound of a faint tapping to start coming from the door. As if Jeno could hear Jaemin’s thoughts.

Defeated, Jaemin slides out of bed, cringing when his feet meet the freezing floor. He glances out the window and sees thousands of snowflakes, quickly falling by. He should probably turn the heat on before the power goes out.

Opening the door he’s met with Jeno, hair wet sticking to his forehead, face flushed from the cold wearing a jacket far too light for the weather.

“Jeno, it’s the middle of a snow storm” Jaemin scolds, not even bothering to question why he’s looking the way he is.

“I’m aware” Jeno states, pushing past Jaemin, forcing his way into the small dark apartment.

“It’s three o’clock in the morning” Jaemin adds, flipping the lights on to get a better look at Jeno and the muddy footprints he’s currently spreading.

“I’m also aware of that” Jeno repeats, fighting off his jacket as well as the dirty shoes. Jeno doesn't even seem to notice the traces he’s left, something rather odd for someone who's dating a clean freak.

“I work at 9, can you at least attempt to come at a normal time” Jaemin asks, because this is truly starting to get out of hand.

“You work weekends now?” Jeno asks, making his way over to Jaemin, throwing cold arms around him in an embrace. The younger doesn’t return, not wanting anymore contact with the popsicle of a person in front of him. Also weekend?

“It’s Wednesday” Jaemin corrects. A shiver going down his spine when a cold pair of lips Grase his neck. Even Jeno’s breath feels cold.

Jeno pulls back to look at Jaemin with eyes filled with confusion, and Jaemin’s hit with the stench of alcohol on the olders breath.

“Are you drunk?” Jeno asks, rather distressed by the idea of Jeno walking about drunk in this weather.

“Yeah, a little bit” Jeno confesses.

“Fuck”Jaemin sighs, drunk Jeno was not something he wanted to deal with tonight. Thankfully, Jeno doesn’t seem to be that intoxicated, so Jaemin can just get some food in him and feel no stress when Jeno inevitably leaves in the next hour. “sit down I’ll get you something to eat so you can sober up a bit”

“I’m not hungry” Jeno states, when Jaemin starts looking through his fridge.

“And I don’t have food apparently” Jaemin huffs, slamming the fridge door, cursing at his past self for ignoring the grocery list on his phone.“i'll just make you a cup of ramen, I’m sure you can manage that” He adds, opening his pantry in search of a brand he knows Jeno likes.

Seconds later Jeno presses against his back slipping a cold hand under Jaemin’s shirt. “I’m not hungry” Jeno repeats

“I’m not sleeping with you while you're drunk” Jaemin says, pushing Jeno’s hand away.

“Why not?”

“Because that's literally assault Jeno” Jaemin says, it’s a bad excuse. Jeno is clearly not at a point where he’d be unable to consent. It’s just that Jeno will leave as soon as they finish, and Jaemin doesn’t want the older one out in this weather drunk. The longer he can keep Jeno here the better.

“I’m not that drunk, if I had gum on me you wouldn’t even know I drank anything” Jeno argues.

“Still, I’m not comfortable doing anything right now,” Jaemin says. Grabbing a pack of noodles off the shelf. “You can wait half an hour”

Thankfully Jeno doesn't argue with that. He just mumbles under his breath, making his way over to the love seat sitting in the corner of the room. Wrapping himself up in the blanket that was laying there. Before silently watching Jaemin.

 

~

 

Jeno breaks the kiss, turning away to look through Jaemin’s bed stand “are you out of lube?” He asks after a minute.

“No, it’s somewhere around” Jaemin russells a hand under the blanket. He must have forgotten to put it back earlier.

Jeno gives him a confused look when Jaemin pulls the lube out from under the blankets. He quickly takes it from the younger, pouring some over his fingers, letting it heat up for a moment before bringing his fingers to Jaemin’s hole. The look of confusion growing when two fingers slip in with ease.

“Who’ve you been fucking?” Jeno asks, genuinely confused. Not a hint of jealousy, something Jaemin didn’t realize he was hoping to get till he didn’t.

“No one” Jaemin mumbles, heat rushing to his face. “I… have a toy”

“I see” Jeno hums, looking down at Jaemin pleased. “What kinda toy?” Jeno asks, adding a third finger into Jaemin easily. Fucking them in and out for a few seconds before adding a fourth, witch only stings a little. “It must be pretty big huh?”

“It’s a dildo” Jaemin confesses, hiding his face in his hands, too embarrassed to see whatever look Jeno is giving him.

“How big is it?” Jeno asks, moving his fingers to rub Jaemin’s prostate, giggling at the whine he gets when he does.

“8 inchs” Jaemin whispers, his cock somehow getting even harder when Jeno laughs at him.

“That’s so big!” Jeno laughs. “Who knew you were such a size Queen ”

“Shut up and fuck me already” Jaemin’s says throwing a weak punch to Jeno’s shoulder.

“Awww are you getting embarrassed?” Jeno teases, wrapping a hand around Jaemin’s cock. “You know you like it”

“Just fuck me already” Jaemin begs, at least Jeno will shut up once he has his cock in him.

“So demanding” Jeno says, thankfully listening this time. He takes his hands off of Jaemin’s body, leaving the younger to clench around nothing. “Roll over”

Jaemin listens, rolling over and up onto his hands and knees. Only for Jeno to push him right back down, spreading the younger thighs a little, straddling them. Jeno opens the Lube once again pouring some on his cock. He brings his cock to Jaemin’s hole rubbing it along his crack, letting it catch on the rim for a few seconds, teasing the idea of him putting it in before sliding it away. “Should I make you beg for it?'' Jeno questions.

“plaese, just fuck me please” Jaemin begs, embarrassed by how desperate he sounds.

“That will work” Jeno hums, pushing forward, sliding into the younger in one quick thrust. Quickly setting a brutal pace

Jaemin cries into the pillow, as Jeno slams into him. He tries to push back to meet the olders thrusts, but Jeno quickly pushes him back down. hand on his back as he continues to fuck into him. Jaemin’s cock burning from over sensitivity as it drags across the matress with every thrust, its only been a few hours sinse he fucked himself with the dildo.

Jaemin whines when Jeno grads his hair, forcing his head to the side. The older man leans down, capturing Jaemins lips in a kiss, messy and awkward from the angle. But Jaemin can't help but suck on the tongue that enters his mouth.

Jeno pulls away from the kiss to lay his head against the back of Jaemins, breathing in the sweet scent of the younger shampoo. Jeno’s resting most of his wait along Jaemin’s back, crushing him into the mattress, something that shouldn't feel as good as it does.

Jaemin can feel Jeno growing close to his climax, his pase growing unsteady, and his breath heavy against the back of Jaemin’s neck. Jaemin can even feel a few drops of sweat drip off of Jenos chin hitting the younger's skin.

Jeno cums with a grunt, Jaemin moaning at the feeling of the hot liquid filling him.

The older continues to fuck Jaemin to his climax. It doesn't take long, with the long slow strokes against his prostate. He cums silently, shaking in Jenos hold.

Jeno stays on top of Jaemin for a few minutes. the two simply enjoying the afterglow until Jeno decides to pull out, causing Jaemin to whine at the sudden emptiness. The air around him is suddenly far too cold with the lack of Jeno on top of him.

The room is silent as Jeno picks up his scattered clothing, throwing them on quickly like he can’t wait to leave. He walks over to the pile of clean laundry on Jaemin's couch digging through it for a moment before grabbing a cloth, disappearing into the bathroom with it.

Jaemin lays still listening to Jeno in the other room. He almost laughs when he here’s Jeno brushing his teeth, apparently using Jaemin’s toothbrush is still something he’s willing to do.

Jeno emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later, cloth in hand, silently placing it next to Jaemin on the bed.

“How are you getting home?” Jaemin asks.

“Walking” Jeno says, sliding his jacket on.

“Do you want a ride? It’s snowing” Jaemin asks, getting off the bed searching for his own clothing.

“It’s fine your car will probably get stuck. It’s better if I just walk” Jeno says, moving to the door.

“But..”

“I said it’s fine, go back to bed Jaemin” Jeno says, shutting down whatever argument Jaemin was about to give. He leaves after that, not bothering to say goodbye.

Jaemin sits back on the bed, leaving his clothing on the ground, letting the freezing air attack his skin as if it will numb the pain growing in his chest.

He’s not even sure what he feels during these nights with Jeno. Whether it's shame, self pity, anger. Maybe it’s a combination of all of them. He just knows it hurts, and that it’s definitely not guilt.

Jaemin knows he should be feeling guilty for what he’s doing but he doesn’t. Perhaps if Jeno was with someone else, someone other than Doyoung he would. But Jeno and Doyoungs relationship is something he has never been supportive of. He’s never liked the way Doyoung keeps Jeno away from others in a way that feels eerily controlling. Or how they started dating two weeks after Jeno turned eighteen. Something Jaemin suspects was going on long before then, even if Jeno has adamantly denied it.

Doyoung also must not be treating Jeno right, causing him to have an affair. Jeno’s not the type of person to hurt those around him just for his own satisfaction.

Jaemin can’t say he doesn’t regret starting it though. He’s slowly came to accept that his friendship with Jeno ended the second he brought him to his bed. He’s not sure if Jeno is just scared of someone noticing the shift in their relationship, or if he just feels guilty when he’s around Jaemin. But sex is all they have now. And Jaemin hates it.

Jeno has been a defining part of his life since middle school. They’ve gone through all the awkward phases that come with growing up together and Jaemin used to think they were inseparable because of that. Now Jeno refuses to even sleep in the same bed as Jaemin like it’s something they haven’t been doing for years. Treating Jaemin like some quick hookup that he’ll never talk to again.

Jaemin feels Jeno’s cum start to fall out of him, pooling awkwardly against the bedsheets. He fumbles around looking for the cloth Jeno brought him, finding it’s already cooled down. Maybe it was never even warm in the first place. He wipes himself down, shivering from over sensitivity when the cold wet cloth rubs over his skin.

Tossing the cloth on the floor he picks up his phone and realizes that he never opened the texts from Jeno. They stare at him over the picture of the two with Haechan and Renjun, taken last summer. He opens the messages and starts to scroll up looking back at their conversations from months ago. When the texts he got from Jeno in the middle of the night were about some random fact he just learned, not simply stating that he was outside.

Jaemin only notices he’s crying when a tear drop hits the screen, covering a conversation he had with Jeno last year. When Jeno was worried because he didn’t show up to class that day, and instantly offered to go get Jaemin anything he needed, when he found out the younger was sick. Jaemin sobs knowing it’s a conversation that they will never have again.

He presses on Jeno's profile and hovers a finger over the block button. He knows he needs to block Jeno, completely remove what little is left of their friendship.

It’s weak and pathetic but he can’t bring himself to let it go. Not yet anyways. he’ll hold on for just a bit longer. Saver the temporary warmth Jeno still brings to his life, even if it’s for only a moment.

Jaemin lays back down and reads over the conversation one last time before deleting it. Along with the rest of their chat history, years of messages gone in an instant.

~

Jeno: Hey, you ok? I haven’t seen you all day.

Jaemin: I’m sick
Jaemin: like sick sick

Jeno: oh shit you need anything? I’m working till 8 but I can bring you some food or something after I’m off.

Jaemin: thank you!
Jaemin: I could use some cough drops
Jaemin: also I’ll just take the soup of the day
Jaemin: if you have any left when your off anyways

Jeno: I’ll make sure there’s soup lol! I’ll see you later, get some sleep.

Jaemin: thanks <3

Jeno: <3

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