Chapter Text
“That’s a beautiful ring,” the shopkeeper cooed, her greedy eyes taking in his jewellery like a magpie. “Where did you get it?”
He glanced down at his hand, the gold glinting in the sunlight, looking as shiny as it had the first time it was placed on his finger.
“A gift from my fiancé,” was his response, unable to keep the proud smile from his face.
“Ah, you are very lucky.”
“I am.”
Often times he let himself live in the fantasy of it all. Allowed him to pretend that it was the reality he was living in instead of the nightmare his life had turned out to be. He escaped into his daydreams, fabricating these stories of things that he had once wished would’ve happened.
He fell asleep pretending that he was in the arms of the man he loved, warm and comforted into a peaceful slumber. He lied to shopkeepers about his wonderful life. People who he would never see again, people who had no idea the web of deceit that he was weaving around himself, just to make him feel better. He would boast about the magic of his proposal, the beauty of his fiancé, the amazing life that they are planning to lead together.
Yet none of it was true. It would never be true. He just had to blunder through every day knowing that he was a cold, unlovable shell of a human that would never receive the loving touch of another person again.
“Do not take your love for granted,” the woman smiled, eyes still flitting to the ring. He tucked his hand behind his back to shield it from her greedy gaze. “I can tell it is very pure.”
This was a fruit stall. He was merely trying to purchase something to eat yet this gannet of a woman thought that she could get familiar. It was clear she didn’t have a monkey’s what she was talking about – whether she was a fruit seller or a secret prophet. For there was nothing pure about his love, nor would there ever be. It would forever be tainted at the edges, the poison seeping into every memory and tarnishing everything that he thought he knew.
Even the ring on his finger, one that had brought him so much joy, pained him.
The day it had been gifted to him had been the happiest day of his life.
“Papa will accept us; he will see how happy we are together.”
He slipped the ring onto his finger, the golden circle a symbol of the infinite love they would share. Vegas’s delicate hands treated him with such care. It had always been like that with them, slow movements and unhurried embraces. Just them basking in their feelings and living in a bubble where nobody could harm them. In those moments they were just them, just existing and loving and caring.
Had it been foolish of him to have truly believed it would last forever?
“I love you Tawan,” Vegas’s eyes shone as he smiled. So much sincerity in his stare, the windows to his soul wide open for him to peer into. There were no secrets between them, no lies. “Marry me.”
If it were possible, Tawan would have wished for that moment to last for all eternity. The two of them stood there in the golden green lighting of the room. Standing in slightly darkness for a second, with the promise that both of them would be able to step outside together and bask in the sun. They could be hand in hand, married, tied together forever.
He nodded to the woman; his gaze hardened.
“Thank you,” he replied with a stiff tone. “For the fruit.”
Not for the phony unsolicited advice.
Tawan stormed away, holding the bag of fruit in one hand, and twisting the ring around his finger with the other.
It was the only thing he still had to cling on to. The only physical item that reminded him that all of those stolen moments, all of those nights laid with tangled legs and mingled breaths. The only tangible thing he could use to remind himself it was all real. That he hadn’t conjured the entire thing from his overactive imagination.
He knew that he could get carried away in the fantasies of what could have been… But that ring on his finger, the promise of more to come… That was the one thing he had that reminded him there was a glimmer of truth in it all. That, if he hadn’t messed up like he always did, him and Vegas could have continued their lives together like they had planned.
Making his way down the street, Tawan kept his head ducked down. It had been a while since he had ‘died’. Though, while he was certain that both families hadn’t been likely to dwell on that particular event, he also knew that running into them wouldn’t go down well. They likely wouldn’t take kindly to knowing he had escaped their grasp and wouldn’t let it happen again.
He had moved to a different town, a run-down place where he was sure that none of them would frequent. That was why it was all the more surprising when he heard a familiar voice. One that simultaneously sent a pang through his heart and a shiver down his spine.
“Yes, Macau, get whatever you want.”
The figure of Vegas followed soon after, looking just as gorgeous as he had the last time, they were together. Intense brown eyes, perfectly styled hair, flowy business shirt that left little to the imagination.
He watched as Vegas turned his head, a blinding smile forming on his face.
Was it happening after all this time? Had Vegas come to find him and take him away from the bitter squalor that he had been living in for so long?
Tawan had always hoped that he’d had a plan the whole time, that the events that occurred were merely to throw off the main family. He had hoped with all of his soul that Vegas would one day come and fulfil his promise, and it seemed like it was finally coming true.
“Are you coming?” he called.
A man quickly followed. He looked familiar, but Tawan couldn’t exactly place him.
The man was holding a little baby in his arms, his stance protective as he weaved through the market.
“Sorry for not running with the kid,” he laughed. “If you want to race around, you can carry him.”
He caught up with Vegas and his brother, walking in step beside them as if he belonged there. Vegas moved his head closer to the other man’s, whispering something that Tawan couldn’t catch from that far of a distance, before pressing a lingering kiss on his temple.
Their obvious closeness caused a wave of nausea to crash over him, a sense of betrayal to stab through his gut.
He was supposed to be the one standing there. The place next to Vegas was his rightful spot, the only place where he felt he was meant to be. He was his fiancé, the love of his life, his destiny… That tart didn’t deserve to be anywhere near someone as great as Vegas. To be stepping out in public having fun with his family and some random baby (which Tawan wasn’t sure exactly where it appeared from, but it infuriated him nonetheless).
That was supposed to be him. He was the one that had spent months tirelessly cooped up in that dingy old flat, Vegas’s promises dripping into his ear. He had been kept a secret with the hope that one day it would all be fixed, that he could take his rightful spot and spend the rest of his life with Vegas.
He knew that it wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t completely delusional.
During their last meeting, Vegas has screamed in his face and shot him in the chest, berating him in front of an audience. So, yeah, it wasn’t picture perfect, it wasn’t a rom com script, but Vegas still loved him. He knew that much.
Just before it all went down, he thanked Tawan for putting up with him and there was a clear apology in his eyes. He shot him only because there were people watching and he needed to keep up appearances. He left him there on the ground because he knew word would get back to his father if he showed mercy. The world wasn’t ready for the two of them, but Vegas’s love, their love, was still very much real.
So, Tawan would wait forever, lurking in the shadows, until Vegas came to find him.
Sure, he had lost hope for a while, the dingy living spaces and loneliness worming doubt into his brain. Though he really should have known not to think badly of Vegas. He always had a plan, something scheming on the back burner, just waiting to be put into action.
But if he was there to whisk Tawan off his feet, to finally get him down the altar and crown him as his husband… Why would he bring around some stupid slut and what he was assuming to be that slut’s little runt. Vegas hated babies, there was no way in hell it belonged to him.
The four of them made their way through the market, Macau marching on ahead as he browsed through the stalls. The others kept their distance, walking close as they continued speaking with each other.
Tawan followed along after them, knowing that if he bided his time there would be an opportunity to strike… And as luck would have it, it came sooner than he thought. Macau’s nimble fingers weren’t so quick as he thought, one of the Aunties grabbing onto his wrist and frantically berating him for his thievery. Vegas made his way over to smooth things over for him.
That left him all alone. Perfect.
Tawan marched over discarding his bag of fruit on the floor and using both of his hands to grasp him. He pulled the unsuspecting man through the crowd and behind the stalls lined up through the streets, shielded from prying eyes.
He seemed strong, trying to resist his grip, and Tawan suspected that he wouldn’t have been overpowered had the baby not been part of the equation. So, he let himself be backed against the wall, a stony look on his face.
“What the actual fuck are you-” his eyes ran over his attacker’s features. “Tawan?”
And after taking a good look, he finally realised who it was. Tankhun’s bodyguard, the quiet unassuming figure that would always be sculking around the main family household.
A wave of calm washed over Tawan at the sight of him. He was absolutely no threat, merely a glorified babysitter who spent his time playing Jenga instead of learning combat.
“You… Can’t say I expected that.”
He held the baby protectively, casting Tawan a furtive glance.
“What are you even talking about? You’re the one that grabbed me. Who did you think I was?”
“Knew you were the next one in Vegas’s lineup. Just didn’t realise he would stoop so low. He used to have standards.”
The bodyguard scoffed, “What, like you?”
“I’ll have you know, I’m his fiancé, which I bet you can’t say the same.”
He shoved his ring in the man’s face for good measure, so he would know just how serious Tawan was.
“Unlike you,” He replied, disdainfully. “I’m not so materialistic. Not that I owe you an explanation, but Vegas and I have a connection that your tiny mind wouldn’t be able to begin to comprehend. So, I don’t need some shiny ring to prove that he loves me… Which doesn’t even really help in your case.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“He doesn’t love you.”
“He-”
“I couldn’t care less what little delusions you’ve thought up. The bigger issue I’d like to address here is how the hell you’re still alive. Last I heard, you’d shot yourself in the head.”
Tawan shrugged, a sense of pride shooting through his chest. They had all underestimated him and his talent, yet none of them could properly distinguish his truth from lies. Surely that meant he was the smartest of them all.
“None of them checked,” he smirked. “I shot the gun upwards, fell to the ground, and they all scarpered. The explosions were a great distraction, none of them had the chance to see if I’d actually died or not.”
“I would be impressed but I don’t like you very much.”
“Then I guess the feeling is mutual.”
Tawan spat out the words resolutely, puffing out his chest.
The bodyguard merely rolled his eyes, looking back down at the now fussing baby in his arms. He made small shushing noises, smoothing his hand over its head.
“Ugly little thing, isn’t it?” Tawan mused, mostly to himself.
He was shot a glare so dangerous that it almost scared him. Though of course he wasn’t afraid one bit of a guy holding a child in his arms. There was literally nothing he could do to him without injuring the tiny creature.
“Alright,” he hissed. “I humoured you for a second, but you really just crossed a line.”
“What by stating a fact?”
“By being a pain in my ass.” He took a small step towards Tawan, eyes blazing with a fiery rage. “Do you have any idea what the main family would do if they found out you were alive? You must, considering you’ve clearly been living in squalor. Yet, you’ve been stood here trying to taunt me, kidding around like you truly believe you’re better than me… I don’t understand where the delusions you’ve dreamt up have come from, but you are seriously misinformed.”
Tawan scoffed, “How is that?”
“You are nothing to Vegas and that is what you will always remain. Absolutely nothing. Even if you were still alive in his eyes, your place in his life would be below the mud on the bottom of his shoes. He doesn’t care about you, and he never did.”
“And what, am I supposed to believe he cares about you?” he couldn’t help but laugh.
The man in front of him was nothing more than a show pony, someone attractive enough looking that Vegas could parade them about without arousing suspicion. Though the object of his presence was likely nothing more than to shield him from danger, not to fill a romantic hole. Not that he was even doing a very good job, since he couldn’t very well defend Vegas while holding an infant. What a stupid man he was.
He muttered a few profanities under his breath, covering the child’s ears while he did so. Pathetic.
“You are such a fucking dumbass,” he eventually said, speaking through gritted teeth. “This child isn’t just mine. He belongs to Vegas too. We’re a family.”
A beat of silence passed between them. Only the sounds of hustle and bustle from the neighbouring market filled the space between them.
“You’re lying.”
“What reason would I have to do that?”
“Jealousy. You’re so clearly jealous of the bond that Vegas and I share that you’re trying to poison it.”
His eyes narrowed menacingly, “You’re so insane that I almost pity you… And maybe a kinder man would, but you’re unfortunate enough to be dealing with me. So, let me spell it out for you Tawan.” He took another step. “If I wasn’t holding my child right now, and best believe you are lucky I am, I would be skinning you alive. You can taunt me, insult me, I don’t particularly care about your opinion… But come near my family and that’s where our problems lie.”
Tawan shrugged, “I don’t care about your empty threats.”
“Oh, trust me they are anything but empty, and these aren’t threats… It’s more like a gentle warning about what’s to come. The second I put my son down, I am coming for you. You may have escaped the main family before, but you will never be able to escape the minor family’s clutches.”
He backed up, though his fury never faded. Tawan could admit to himself that there was something almost bone chilling about his silent anger, the way he could almost see it coursing through his veins.
“So, do what you want, run, hide, I couldn’t care less. But just know that it’s all pointless. I will find you,” his eyes traced him from head to toe, as if was committing every last spot to memory. “And I will end you.”
Tawan gulped, “Oh, I’m so scared.”
“Hm you should be,” he smiled, lowering his voice into almost a whisper. “Because when I shoot a gun, I don’t miss.”
A familiar voice rang out above the racket of the food sellers. A voice that Tawan had fallen in love with, one that he dreamed of every night when his eyes fluttered closed, one that he wished every day would come back to him.
Except it wasn’t his name being called.
“Pete!” Vegas yelled. “Pete, where have you got to?”
He turned to Tawan, clearly sensing the turmoil and heartbreak that was washing over him in that tiny little alley. While he hadn’t expected his dreams to come true, it was another thing entirely to have them stomped on right in front of his eyes. All the man could do was smirk at him, disregarding the emotions he was feeling.
“See you later… Or rather, I’ll see you.” He peppered kisses onto the kid’s head, smiling sweetly as if he hadn’t just threatened murder. “Shall we go see Daddy? Come on, let’s go!”
And just like that he walked away, joining Vegas on the other side of the market, and leaving the tatters of Tawan’s life scattered on the dirty ground.
He twisted the ring around his finger. Lucky, the woman had called him. Lucky. Tawan couldn’t understand how that could be the case when everything he had ever wished for had been ripped from his hands in one foul swoop. One man snatching all of the things he had thought were destined for him, his husband, his family, his home… His life.
Tawan removed the golden band from his hand, tossing it onto the floor. Once upon a time it had symbolised freedom, a new beginning for him and the love of his life, of opened doors letting in the light. Yet, he had to come to terms with the fact that none of that would ever happen. The only thing that Tawan was destined for was a life or darkness. He would never be able to escape from the shadowy hands dragging him back into the depths of never-ending blackness, of space, of torturous pits of nothingness.
Vegas had made promises of love and light and acceptance, but Tawan hadn’t realised he was likely talking into the mirror. Promising those things for himself, but never Tawan. He had sentenced him to a life of torment.
He would continue to lurk in the shadows, but this time with the knowledge that Vegas wasn’t coming to rescue him. It would be to finally put an end to it all.