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Dex stops working when he hears the door open to the basement and immediately braces himself with a steadying breath. 

It’s hardly two weeks into the semester, he shouldn’t already be this anxious knowing that a conversation has to be had. It was supposed to be different; he’d spent all summer counting the number of days until he could return to the Haus. 

Now he’s here, and things aren’t what he’d expected.

Nursey takes slow steps down the stairs and Dex turns from where he’s been making some measurements, waiting to greet him when he reaches the bottom. He tries to meet Nursey’s gaze but the other man’s eyes are moving around the basement instead, taking in all of the work that Dex has already done with a dip between his eyebrows. 

The blueprints left out here, the bag of tools neatly stored there; the plans are already in the works, and Dex’s new bungalow bedroom in the basement should be finished by the end of the month.

“Oh wow,” Nursey murmurs. 

Dex folds his arms over his chest to stop his heart from getting too tender. “What do you think?” he asks. 

Slowly, Nursey lowers himself to sit, keeping himself relegated to the stairs, perched on the third from the bottom. “You’re certainly talented,” he answers without answering. Dex levels him with an even stare and waits for him to elaborate, refusing to budge until he does so. “It’s… far away.”

“It’s two flights of stairs,” Dex murmurs. Nursey’s silent after, eyes moving toward the ground. It’s a look that says more than anything he’s actually voiced so far. “Nursey,” Dex says. 

“Are we breaking up?” 

Dex rushes across the basement to where Nursey’s seated, shaking his head. 

“Nursey, no,” he rasps. Dex crouches down and reaches, needing to grab Nursey’s hands with his own, relieved when the other man lets him take them. “This is so we don’t break up.” Nursey doesn’t look like he believes him, sad eyes where they’re linked. “Derek, come on,” Dex is desperate. “I told you I didn’t think it was going to work.”

They’d spoken about it all summer long, Dex’s worries that going from newly dating to immediately sharing all that space just wasn’t going to work for him. At least, he thought they’d spoken about it. 

Nursey always seemed so excited that maybe sometimes it was easier for Dex to close his eyes and get lost in the fantasy of it. He wanted it someday, maybe even before they left Samwell. To really share a room with Nursey, to share a bed, a life. 

But it was easy to dream over the summer, hundreds of miles away from Samwell and Nursey and Lardo’s old room that they were destined to share. In reality, Dex knew it wouldn’t work. How could it, when he’d spent half of the time he and Nursey have been dating whispering into his phone at night, truly terrified his parents would ask him who he’d been speaking with and why so late?

It could be nice, Dex would say when Nursey would start to ramble excitedly about decorating or certain aspects of the room. At least, he thought he’d taken time to really voice his fears.

“Did you even try?” Nursey asks sadly.

“Did I—?” Dex drops his hands and shifts away, moving until he’s sitting on the concrete floor of the basement and looking up at Nursey with a frown, long legs stretched out in front of him. “How could you ask me that?”

“It feels like you didn’t want it to work.”

Dex scoffs and shakes his head. He can’t even entertain a response, not sure how to move this conversation along anymore. His chest feels hot with frustration and he doesn’t want to say something he’ll regret, but he’s definitely angry. 

“Do you want to break up?” Dex finally asks. 

“No,” Nursey rushes. Dex holds up his hands, palms out, exasperated. “Will, no,” Nursey hurries, basically sliding down the stairs so he can crawl across the floor to join him. In an instant he’s by Dex’s side again, searching for one of his hands. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, voice small. “I was just so excited, I don’t know. I wasn’t listening to you this summer, I guess.” 

Dex sighs and reaches out so they can easily lace their hands together. There’s something about Nursey’s hand in his own that brings him back to the moment, every time. A few months without being able to touch him gave Dex more anxiety than he’d ever imagined he’d have from distance with Nursey. Even now, when they argue, sometimes they just need to stand a little closer to one another and Dex will remember to exhale. 

Nursey is real. What he has with Nursey is real—part of the future he wants to build for himself where Dex gets to love the man he does without being afraid.

“It’s not like we won’t still stay together all the time,” Dex tells him. “And we can get rid of the bunk bed. Get you a real bed, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Nursey agrees, but his voice hitches. 

It’s then that it finally clicks. The reason for all of this upset. 

“You’re comparing us to them,” Dex realizes. “Aren’t you?”

His hand falls slack at once and Nursey’s guilty look all but confirms it. He tries to play it off and asks, “What? Who?” but it only makes it worse. 

“Jesus Christ, Nursey,” Dex mutters, taking his hand back and moving away so he can push himself up to stand.

“No, Dex,” he hurries. But he was, of course he was. It doesn’t matter that Ransom and Holster graduated in May, they’re still all over the fucking Haus, bleeding into his and Nursey’s relationship where they have no right being. “I wasn’t, I swear.”

“Then what’s with your newfound attachment to the fucking bunk bed?” Dex snaps. “Fuck.” Nursey stays on the ground, his face riddled with sadness while Dex shakes his head, frustrated again. “We aren’t them, Derek.”

“I know that,” he responds, small.

“And I’m not—!”

“Don’t,” Nursey interrupts, sharp and annoyed. His sadness is gone in a flash. “Don’t even.”

I’m not him.

Dex never uses Holster against Nursey when they’re fighting, but this doesn’t feel like it’s something against Nursey. It feels like it’s against Dex. 

So, fine. Holster and Nursey secretly hooking up last year may be what ended up getting Dex and Nursey together in the end, but there are still feelings there that Dex hasn’t worked through completely. They can all hang out in group settings and it’s fine but Dex hasn’t totally forgiven Holster for everything that happened—even if Nursey has. 

It’s a lot of Dex’s own issues. He knows that. It’s just that he hasn’t really been able to talk about it with a lot of people since he’d been home all summer, and texting really isn’t his favorite, so everything is still pretty unresolved in a lot of ways. 

But Nursey says this isn’t about Holster, so it’s not about Holster.

Dex collects himself with a breath. “I told you—the day of the coin flip—what I needed and what I thought would happen. It isn’t my fault that you imagined us—”

“I didn’t imagine us anything!” Nursey stops him again. 

“You want me to be someone I’m not,” Dex insists, his voice breaking as he turns away. 

The basement is silent after this, both of them hurting in different ways and neither wanting to speak. Dex folds his arms over his chest again and looks away, his eyes burning and his lungs on fire. 

Finally Nursey says, “I can’t believe you’d even say that.” He shakes his head and Dex feels like he’s on the verge of tears. 

Coming back to Samwell wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“What am I supposed to think?” Dex rasps. 

He and Nursey are good. They talk about things, really, and their relationship is solid. Even over the summer they were able to keep in touch with general ease.

But the second Holster and Ransom get brought into any argument everything goes sideways. They’re basically the only thing Dex and Nursey fight about that actually carries weight and no matter what’s said or how an argument is resolved Dex always leaves them feeling stupid and small. Angry that he lets himself get so worked up, angry that he lets Holster get in his head, angry that he stops listening to Nursey no matter how pleading Nursey’s tone grows. 

Besides, all it takes is one Instagram post for Dex to blow his fuse again. Holster and Ransom are perfect, the perfect couple living their perfect lives in their perfect new Haus. Dex and Nursey are just the cheap rebrand of them; the co-captains with a perfect split vote, a bunk bed in the attic, a love that can survive the stupidest of dramas. They even invited Nursey and Dex to come stay with them Friday night, of course no doubt to show off how wonderful life is when you finally move in with your d-man. 

“You’re supposed to trust me,” Nursey finally pushes, his voice sharper than Dex would like it to be. 

“I do trust you,” Dex responds immediately. “I—” he stops himself as Nursey meets his gaze, sad eyes despite the push in his voice. “I’m sorry,” Dex hurries, voice dropping. “I don’t want to fight.” 

Nursey takes a deep breath and finally pushes himself to stand, taking the few steps toward Dex to close the distance between them. “Me neither,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry too.”

Dex extends his hand just a few inches and Nursey accepts it easily, lacing their fingers together to pull them closer. Dex lets himself be tugged until Nursey’s close enough that their foreheads can press together, then he closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath. If Dex thinks about how close they might’ve been (might still be?) to ending this for real he could freak out. 

“I do trust you,” Dex whispers again, desperate for Nursey to know this. 

Nursey sighs too. “I know,” he whispers back. 

Dex missed Nursey this summer more than he can put to words. There wasn’t anyone in his family he felt safe enough to talk to about Nursey, which meant he didn’t talk about his relationship at all. Even mentioning Nursey felt like a risk sometimes with Dex’s stupid reactive face—so he ended up keeping more secrets this summer than ever before. 

Even with some space from his hometown Dex can feel the panic still coiled deep in the pit of his stomach. Sneaking late night calls and lying about who he was texting never felt good, but he knew it’d all be worth it once he got back to Samwell.

Only it’s not, because of this stupid room. It almost would’ve been easier if the coin toss had ended with just one side up. 

“Maybe by next year I’ll be ready,” Dex finally tells him, soft between them here. 

Senior year feels so far away. Like a myth before them, almost. Only real if they can make it there.

Nursey tips his chin forward and kisses him gently, the feel of his lips against Dex’s enough to really ground him back in this moment—to free himself of the deep fear that’s nestled into his bones. 

“We don’t have to push it,” Nursey murmurs. Dex draws him in again, nodding into the next kiss with another rush of relief. 

It doesn’t stay long, anxiety quick to flood back at the intentional way Nursey pulls back—like he has more to say. 

“What?” Dex murmurs.

“Should we not go this weekend?” 

Dex sighs, frustrated, but doesn’t move away. Rather, he winds his arms around Nursey’s waist to keep him from stepping back. “We should go,” he decides. 

“Are you sure?” Nursey wonders, the question asked carefully. 

It would only be worse if they didn’t go, Dex is sure. More resentment, more reasons to fight. 

“Yeah. We said we would.” Nursey exhales like he’s relieved and this does little to lessen the tension in Dex’s shoulders. 

He doesn’t see how a night at Haus 2.0 is going to be good for any of them.

The ride into Boston was much too quiet for Nursey’s liking. 

They had music on in the background but he could tell that it was just to fill the silence, still quiet enough that it wasn’t worth singing along to the best hits, Dex gripping the steering wheel with such focus that Nursey knew his thoughts were elsewhere anyway.

They’re here now, just sitting in Dex’s truck. He’s cut the engine and they’ve both unbuckled but neither of them have moved. They found street parking close enough that they won’t have to walk very far but it still feels like Nursey shouldn’t be the one to hurry them in.

Maybe coming here was a mistake. 

“Smooth ride,” Dex finally murmurs.

Nursey smiles and shifts in his seat so he can face Dex a little more. “Yeah, you want me to drive back tomorrow?”

Dex scoffs, the beginnings of a smile on his face too. “You and what license?” 

“Pssshhhh,” Nursey laughs. “Babe, c’mon.”

Dex is still smiling when he says, “You’re not driving my truck, Nurse. We’ve talked about this.”

Nursey makes some sort of half-assed noise of agreement as they reach in the back for their bags. He has his permit so he could drive Dex’s truck with a trusted adult in the passenger seat, but he also doesn’t really like driving so it’s not like he wants to do it. 

“Just figured I’d offer.”

“Mm-kay.” Even though he’s smiling, Nursey knows he’s stressed. Nursey leans slightly across the middle of the seat and is relieved when Dex meets him halfway for a quick kiss. “Let’s go in,” he murmurs when they part. Nursey nods but kisses him again before he gets too far. 

Nursey’s stressed too.

He wants to be here, wants to hang out with his friends and see the new Haus, but he wants Dex to be happy more than anything. Nursey wants him to feel settled in their relationship—to feel sure about the two of them no matter who’s around—Holster and Ransom especially. 

They sling their backpacks over their shoulders and make their way down the street to the address Ransom texted them a couple of days ago. The two of them are getting their very own introduction to Haus 2.0 before the rest of SMH is invited out. Bitty has already been by but other than that, Nursey and Dex are the first to be here. 

Technically Chowder was invited too, but he and Farmer are out of town for a wedding this weekend and he insisted that Nursey and Dex still go. “We’ll come out for the housewarming,” Chowder told Nursey a few nights ago as he was packing his bag for the wedding. “And it’ll be good for the four of you to have some time together!”

Nursey flopped backwards on Chowder’s bed with a sigh, and Chowder glanced over his shoulder at him from where he was crouched by his dresser, packing. 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Chowder asked. 

“I don’t know what I want,” Nursey admitted.

But that wasn’t true. He did want all four of them together—him and Dex and Ransom and Holster—but he wanted Dex to want it too. He wanted Dex to be happy. 

He wants Dex to be happy. To feel comfortable around Ransom and Holster without thinking about last year and what led them all here. 

Nursey wants to stop thinking about last year.

On the stoop now, Dex pushes the doorbell. 

It’s early evening and the sun is beginning to set, the city around them coming alive with Friday night sounds like corks popping and muffled music growing slightly louder. Lardo answers the door with a grin, the sounds of their own home louder in an instant—someone yelling in the kitchen, a loud rap beat drifting up from the basement. 

“You made it!” she greets. Lardo throws her arms around both of them at once and Nursey smiles, accepting the hug as he glances over at Dex, who’s smiling too. “Dinner’ll be ready in fifteen.”

“TWENTY,” Shitty yells from the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to cook for us,” Dex says quietly as they part, though his voice is warm like he’s pleased. 

Lardo waves her hand dismissively. “Shitty insisted,” Lardo tells them before cupping her hands over her mouth. “Holtz! Rans!” She’s louder than Nursey remembers, her voice booming over the music from downstairs. “Get up here!”

Nursey heads right for the kitchen to say hi to Shitty but Dex moves a little slower, hands gripping the straps of his backpack as he takes slow steps forward and scans the walls. 

“Hey,” Nursey says, sticking his head in to find Shitty.

“Fucking early,” Shitty grumbles back.

Nursey laughs and crosses the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Shitty’s middle as he tends to something on the stove. Shitty turns in his grasp to give him a quick welcome hug, his smile bright when he finally makes contact. 

“We made good time,” Dex explains, a few steps behind Nursey so he can greet Shitty too. “You didn’t have to cook for us,” he repeats. 

After their hug, Shitty returns to the stovetop. “Yes we fucking did.”

“We aren’t staying,” Lardo explains from the doorway. 

Nursey’s chest grows cold in an instant. “What?” He glances rapidly between Shitty and Lardo. They’re supposed to be buffers. “What do you mean?”

“Shits has some school-adjacent event,” Lardo says with a shrug and a sheepish smile. “It was pretty last minute.”

“It’s in fucking Worcester,” Shitty tells them, sounding annoyed. “We’ll have to leave after dinner.” 

“Probably be back before you have to leave tomorrow morning though,” Lardo adds. “Sorry guys.”

“Hey, we were pretty last minute too,” Dex counters quietly. His face is unreadable and Nursey is growing more anxious by the second. “Besides, you aren’t the ones who invited us.”

“No we are not,” Lardo agrees, pointing in Dex’s direction. “Speaking of, where—”

“We’re here!” Ransom yells, voice carrying up the basement stairs where the music has been quieted. “We’re here, really!” The sound of their booming footsteps up the stairs makes the house shake. Moments later Ransom appears in the doorway of the kitchen, Holster right behind him. “Hey,” Ransom greets with a smile.

“You actually came!” Holster agrees brightly. 

Both of them are so genuinely happy to see him and Dex that Nursey wonders if the knot in his stomach is wrongly tied.

“We sure did,” Dex says. No hugs are traded between the four of them. “Where should we put our stuff?” 

“You guys can stay in my room,” Ransom says, gesturing over his shoulder and turning back to Holster with a smile. “Sorry, that’s why we were down there—had to change the sheets for you.”

“Your room?” Dex asks quietly. 

“What,” Nursey wonders, “like your office?”

Holster laughs while Ransom returns, “No, my bedroom, dude.” Nursey looks toward Dex who casts a quick glance in his direction too, neither of them fully understanding. “C’mon grab your shit, we’ll let them finish.”

“Yeah, go go,” Shitty agrees, waving them away. “Too many cooks, damn.”

Lardo hangs out with Shitty in the kitchen while Holster turns to lead the group down the stairs to the basement. 

“Last one down the hall’s mine,” Ransom says as they’re halfway down the steps, passing a few closed doors. “I’ll sleep with Holtz tonight.”

Nursey’s confused. They’ve seen pictures of the Haus and received a handful of Snapchat virtual tours but he always thought Holster and Ransom were rooming together, like Shitty and Lardo?

They enter the last room, Ransom’s room, and find a fresh set of sheets on the bed as described. On the wall hangs Ransom’s degree above his very tidy desk. There are a few photos too—him and his sisters dressed nicely, one of him and Lardo and Holster at graduation, one of him and Jack looking very Canadian. 

Dex is scanning the room just as carefully as Nursey is, both of them slowly removing their backpacks from their shoulders to set by the side of the bed. 

“You… have your own rooms?” Dex asks slowly. 

Holster, having lowered himself into Ransom’s desk chair, reaches out for his partner with an easy smile. Ransom crosses the room to drape his arm over Holster’s shoulder while Holster answers, “We spent three years in that attic with a fucking bunk bed. You bet your sweet ass we have our own rooms.” 

Nursey turns to look at Dex and finds visible relief on his face—which only makes the tension in Nursey’s shoulders grow. 

“We still stay together a lot,” Ransom adds while Nursey slowly lowers himself to sit on the edge of the mattress. He’s feeling a little speechless. “But I’m up late studying for med school half the time anyway.” 

“I like falling asleep to Cheers,” Holster adds. “Rans is anti-TV-in-room.”

“Yeah, fuck that,” Ransom agrees. 

“Like a white noise machine is any different,” Holster says, rolling his eyes. 

“It absolutely fucking is! There’s no screen!”

“Man, whatever.” 

“All that blue light, bro—it fucks with your circadian rhythm.” 

“That’s true,” Dex agrees, pointing in Ransom’s direction. Nursey feels even smaller, somehow. He brought a TV for their room back at the Haus. 

“My circadian rhythm is fine,” Holster insists. 

“This’ll be okay?” Ransom asks, changing the subject and gesturing to his room. When Nursey and Dex take a moment to respond he quietly adds, “You’re okay to share?” 

“Of course,” Dex answers right away. Relief of his own, like a burst of light in a dark room flooding into Nursey’s chest. “Thanks guys.” 

“Yeah, thank you,” Nursey manages, but his voice sounds off and everyone knows it. He can tell by the way they all look at him. He clears his throat and digs for a smile that must satisfy the room because they all smile back, even Dex, though Nursey’s sure this has only created so much more for them to talk about. 

Dinner’s great. Shitty makes risotto and fried veggies and Dex brought a pie from Bitty to share for dessert; the six of them feast in relative normalcy before Shitty and Lardo have to race off for their event. 

They talk about school and they talk about hockey and they talk about Captain Bitty dating Professional Hockey Player Jack and Chowder and Farmer and the next kegster at the Haus and it’s all great. It’s normal. There’s laughter and chirping, all of it feeling slightly more mature than before because of this big fancy dining table they’re sitting around and the way they are purposefully not talking about certain things. 

“What kind of law school event do you have to stay overnight for?” Dex asks once Lardo and Shitty have said their goodbyes. 

“The kind in another city that you need to get absolutely smashed for,” Holster explains matter-of-factly.

“So you book a hotel room so you don’t have to drive,” Ransom finishes for him. 

“Speaking of which,” Holster pushes himself away from the table. “You guys want anything to drink? We’ve got a fuckton of wine.”

“Wine makes me sleepy,” Nursey says. “Maybe a beer?”

“I’m good,” says Dex.

“I think it’s some speaker series,” Ransom adds when Holster goes to get the drinks. “A big name. Lardo was actually pretty excited.”

Ransom accepts a beer too when Holster returns and Dex doesn’t mind that he’s the only one not drinking. He doesn’t want to say anything stupid and with even less people around than anticipated he figures there’s more risk of that. Nursey arches an eyebrow in his direction as he accepts the beer Holster brings out for him but Dex shakes his head, not wanting him to worry. It’s probably better for everyone to loosen up some. 

“Where’s your other roommate?” Dex wonders.

Holster shrugs, but Ransom answers, “Probably staying at her boyfriend’s place. It’s not too far from here.”

Holster frowns. “What? How do you know that?”

“Because earlier this week she said to me, ‘hey, I’m probably staying at my boyfriend’s this weekend, it’s not too far from here.’”

Holster’s frown deepens, and Dex trades a glance between him and Ransom trying to hear what isn’t being said. 

“Okay,” Holster says.

Dex is not a social scientist.

They decide on Super Smash Bros and after an hour of that Dex decides on a beer anyway because he’s still glancing in Holster’s direction every once in a while feeling irritated and he wants that feeling to go away. It’s a nice night. They’re all just hanging out. Nursey’s sitting on the ground with his back to the couch, right next to Dex’s leg, and he turns a lot to nudge his face into Dex’s knee. 

The beer helps with some of the bite but it never really goes away, it never has no matter how hard he tries. Doesn’t help when Dex loses twice in a row with Holster as the reigning champ. Small things that don’t matter but somehow do, more dings against Dex’s already rusted exterior. 

The night could go on like that forever, Dex is sure. The four of them lounging in the living room playing video games and scratching the surface of why they’re really here when Dex’s phone rings. He tugs it out of his pocket, fully intending to ignore whoever it is that’s actually calling him, when he sees Bitty’s name and hesitates. 

“You should get it,” Ransom encourages, noticing that Dex’s attention has gone elsewhere. They’re in-between rounds as is and Bitty doesn’t call. “Need to stretch my legs,” he adds.

“Gotta take a piss,” Holster contributes. 

Dex nods, hopping off the couch to dart toward the kitchen to answer Bitty’s call. “Hey,” he answers quietly, “everything okay?”

There is a sound of sheer panic on the other side of the phone, Bitty immediately launching into something about the power being off and everything in the Haus has gone dark but he has clothes in the dryer he desperately needs for tomorrow because he’s meeting Jack’s agent and needs to make a good impression and they’re the only house on the block with everything off and—

“Bits, Bits,” Dex stops him. “Breathe. I got it. You probably just need to hit the power breaker.” 

“Oh, Dex,” Bitty wails, “we’ve been flipping the switches like crazy and nothing happens!”

Dex worries, thinking maybe he doesn’t have a solution, when his phone lights up with a video call. He switches over, finding Bitty and Ford and Tango all in frame, Ford holding a flashlight up to the box while Tango just keeps switching things back and forth saying, “Not that one.”

“Oh my God please stop,” Dex rushes. “Tango, stop it!”

“Well one of them has to work?” 

“Not that one,” Dex grunts. He orders Tango to hold the flashlight instead and carefully explains to Bitty and Ford which switches need to be facing which direction, and after a few minutes of getting everything back in order, the screen floods with light and the whirr of electricity. 

“You’re my hero,” Bitty croons into the phone. “Tell Rans and Holtzy hi!” 

“Hi Bits,” Ransom says, his voice appearing from behind Dex. He glances over his shoulder to find Ransom in the doorway, arms folded over his chest with a familiar smile on his face. “Have fun tomorrow at Jack’s thing?”

“Love you all!!!” Bitty sings. 

Dex ends the call and smiles back at Ransom before setting his phone on the table face down. “Still taking care of the Haus, I see,” he says.

“Someone has to.”

Ransom laughs. “I miss it,” he tells Dex, slowly entering. “The chaos of college.” 

Dex gestures to the kitchen around them. “I imagine there’s plenty of chaos here.”

Ransom tips his head to the side, shrugging a little. “It’s not the same.”

“Chaos is chaos,” Dex counters.

Ransom shakes his head, smile still warm. “You’ll see.” 

Dex looks toward the living room and prepares to say something but Ransom lifts his hand, stopping him before he does, waving it aside as if to answer the question of if they should rejoin them. Instead, Ransom moves more into the kitchen, joining Dex at the table for a moment alone. 

“How are things?” Ransom asks. “With—” he tips his head, also toward the living room, and Dex’s smile waivers. “No?” 

“No, no,” Dex hurries. “They’re good,” he promises quietly, worried his voice will carry.

“He went downstairs to change,” Ransom tells him. “Nursey.” So Holster will probably follow him, and then they will probably have their own little heart-to-heart, and ugh. “That’s good,” Ransom says with a smile. “I heard about the basement…” 

Dex sighs. 

With Dex in the kitchen and Holster off to piss, Nursey and Ransom have a moment to chat.

“I miss you,” Nursey whines, reaching across the floor to where Ransom’s tucked up in a chair across the way. “Fucking med school! Stop studying and hang out at Samwell more.”

Ransom shakes his head, smiling, and says, “Okay.”

They text a lot, really. Ransom refuses to let their Snapchat streak die no matter how deep he is in a textbook and Nursey does his part by constantly sending him the best memes he finds on Twitter—bonus points if they’re med school related and Nursey doesn’t actually understand what they’re about. 

Ransom looks toward the kitchen. “All good?”

Nursey knows he means the phone call. They talk about Dex a lot. 

“Beats me,” Nursey admits. 

Ransom’s still looking at the kitchen when he wonders, “You mind if I—?”

“No, go,” he insists, secretly relieved for the excuse to flee downstairs. 

He’s exhausted. He wants to change into his pajamas and take a deep breath and maybe wait for Dex to return to the room and then pull him close and fall asleep, breathing him in even though it’s still kind of early. Try all this social interaction again in the morning. 

But Nursey knows it won’t happen. After changing he sets himself up at Ransom’s desk and pulls out his journal, needing to quickly sort some of his thoughts from the evening while he can before returning upstairs. Nursey’s only written a few sentences when there’s a knock on the doorframe. 

“Weird seeing you there,” Holster says as Nursey spins in Ransom’s desk chair. Nursey smiles sheepishly, capping his pen and using it to hold his place before folding his journal closed so he can focus his attention on Holster. “Whatcha writing?” he asks as he slinks into the room.

Nursey shrugs a little, glancing at his now half-closed journal with a little sigh. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

How Nursey hasn’t really talked to Holster for a few months now, and how he misses him but doesn’t know what to do with that. How it feels like he can’t talk about that without being afraid it will be interpreted by someone differently. How tonight just feels like some weird attempt at pretending like the aforementioned isn’t true. 

“Didn’t expect us to have our own rooms?” Holster wonders. When Nursey reacts, Holster only laughs. “C’mon, I saw the way you looked.”

“That’s… a surprise,” Nursey admits. He’s thinking about Dex and Ransom upstairs and what they might be talking about. He’s thinking about getting rid of his TV. “I felt like I would have heard about it by now.”

Mostly Nursey’s thinking about secrets.

“Why?” Holster pushes. He leans back against the doorframe, more in the room than out, and folds his arms over his chest. “It’s not a problem. If anything it’s better for our relationship.” Holster smiles and adds, “I love my bed.”

Nursey still feels a little unsettled. “Me too,” he agrees, “but I guess I just figured some sacrifices are worth it.”

“It’s not forever,” Holster tells him. “We’ll compromise eventually, pick a room and probably a new bed. Get rid of the TV. But there’s no rush. We’ve got forever to do that.” 

Nursey’s chest is tight with something he might call guilt. “Yeah,” he agrees quietly. 

Holster glances over his shoulder and up the stairwell before moving further into the room, dropping his voice to ask, “Everything good?” Nursey nods immediately but he knows he looks too eager. Holster arches an eyebrow in response, waiting for the truth. 

“You remember the Dib Flip?”

“Chyeah, of course,” Holster says.

“And you heard about Dex fleeing to the basement?” Nursey asks, even more quiet. 

Holster’s smile grows a little then but just briefly. “Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen.” Nursey frowns and feels a wall go up immediately. He doesn’t know why he thought talking to Holster about this would be a good idea when Holster is actually half of the issue. “Dude, that’s pretty fast. For Dex?” Holster shakes his head but Nursey won’t meet his gaze. “Literally moving in together? You haven’t even been dating for a year yet.” 

“Time has nothing to do with it,” Nursey grumps back.

“It might for Dex.” Nursey scoffs, even more frustrated now–like Holster knows Dex better than Nursey does, yeah right. “That doesn’t make what you have any less good, Nurse.”

His response is clipped, “I know that.”

Holster is quiet in response. He waits for a moment and says, “Maybe some nights I do wish we were rooming together.” He shakes his head, eyes focusing somewhere in the distance as he looks at the wall between his and Ransom’s room. “I can hear him on the other side of this wall and it feels so fucking far away.” Holster exhales. “I worry that he’s over here just so happy to have all of this space and it freaks me out. But I just…” his eyes focus back again and Holster reaches up and over, tapping on the wall a few times.

“Does he tap back?” Nursey asks quietly. 

Holster nods, a fond smile growing on his face. “Usually. Some nights he’ll just come over. Some nights he taps first. Some nights it doesn’t matter.” Holster shrugs, still smiling. “Makes the nights we’re together even better.”

Nursey sighs as Holster refocuses on him. “I get what you mean,” he murmurs, even if he doesn’t really like it. 

“No reason to rush, Nursey.”

Nursey wants to grump more. He doesn’t like when Holster gives him advice like this–no matter how relevant this actually is. 

“We fight about you sometimes,” Nursey murmurs–-and he regrets saying it the second he does. Instantly he wishes he could take it back, wishes he never gave Holster that insight into his and Dex’s relationship, wincing as the weight of the words hang in silence in the room. 

When Nursey finally manages to look at Holster again, he looks surprised. “Really?”

Nursey’s eyes return to the ground. “Yeah.” He feels stupid to admit, “He thinks I compare him to you.”

“Pfft,” Holster throws his head back with a little laugh. “Oh fuck’s sake.”

Smaller, he admits, “Maybe I do, sometimes. But not on purpose.” 

Holster sighs then, moving further into the room with another quick glance over his shoulder and into the hallway. “Why?” he asks, a clear strain in his voice. 

“No,” Nursey stops, feeling his own stomach drop at what he thinks he just said. “Not you,” Nursey corrects forcefully. Never Holster, no matter what Dex thinks. “But you and Rans. As a unit.” Holster’s suspicious look hardly fades and Nursey exhales, shaking his head as he looks away. “I know it isn’t fair,” he adds quietly. 

“So why?” Holster asks again. 

Nursey shrugs a little, not even sure what to say. “You feel really stable,” he eventually answers. He and Dex still fight a lot, over little things, mostly, but a fight is a fight. And sometimes it isn’t little things, sometimes it’s big things like the bunk bed and the basement. “Do you guys even fight, ever? Like, fuck.”

“Do we–-?” Holster stops himself with a laugh. “Oh, you think all the bullshit from last year didn’t affect us at all?” Nursey blinks a few times, surprised at the tone of Holster’s voice; both amused and annoyed wrapped into one. “Yeah, we fight, Nurse. Not like you and Dex, sure, but still happens.” 

Nursey’s surprised at how surprised he is. “Really?”

“I lied to him for months and the only reason he found out is because someone else told him. And then because he had to ask me about it. I couldn’t even—” Holster shakes his head, looking toward the ground. “So sometimes he’s suspicious of me. Still. Which—I get,” Holster insists, but his voice is rough. “I do…” 

“But?”

Holster shakes his head. “He has every right to hesitate sometimes,” he decides. “I can get frustrated.” Holster sighs, lifting his hand to drag through his hair. He shakes his head again and finally looks up and Nursey knows he won’t get any more details than that. “Yeah. We fight.”

Nursey feels like this is his fault. Even though he and Ransom talk pretty frequently, they don’t really talk about Holster. He always assumed that things had settled for them, that things were good. 

“I didn’t know,” Nursey admits quietly. 

Holster shrugs. “Why should you?” Even though the question stings, Nursey knows it’s true. He doesn’t need to know how Holster and Ransom are. Still when Holster softly tells him, “We’re happy, too,” it gives Nursey a chance to breathe. 

Nursey nods, finally smiling—it was all still worth it for them, everything still worth it. 

“Yeah,” Nursey exhales. “Good.”

“What happened, happened,” Holster says, and he doesn’t sound incredibly pleased about it. But it’s still fact. “All we can do is keep at it. Talk it through.” Holster sighs, face softening to say, “Some days are easier.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says again. “With us, too.” 

Him and Dex, he means. 

Holster smiles like he’s glad to hear it, but quickly grows serious to say, “Don’t fight about us.”

Nursey nods another time but doesn’t know what else to say. Holster’s right—comparing what he has with Dex to what Holster and Ransom have just isn’t fair to anyone. He’s always known that.

“The separate rooms,” Nursey wonders, and Holster nods to encourage the question. “Did that have anything to do with me and you?” 

“No.” No hesitation. “Not even a little bit.” He looks down the hall then back to Nursey. “You gonna come back up?”

“Yeah, just need a few.”

Holster nods. “See you up there.”

“So tell him that,” Ransom concludes after Dex finishes weaving his tale. Tucked in the kitchen so he could whisper away all of his anxieties about sharing a room has only been more draining. He has no idea how he’s supposed to just go and do all of it again. “Dex, that is pretty much always the answer.”

Suddenly confused, Dex shakes his head. “What is?”

“Telling him.”

Dex’s chest squeezes. He nods, trying to ignore the way his eyes well up with tears, because he knows Ransom’s right.

“It’s so much,” Dex whispers back. 

With everything that he’s been holding, it’s really no wonder they argue so easily. Dex hates confrontation, he always figured he could grin and bear it through any uncomfortable conversation with Nursey as to not lose him, but that’s just making things worse. Running off to the basement and assuming Nursey would understand that choice has not proven to be wise for anyone. 

“It’s not,” Ransom promises. 

Nursey needs and deserves a real explanation. Dex lets out a long breath and looks toward the doorway, wondering what Nursey’s gotten up to in his absence, wondering if he and Holster have finished their talk.

“Do you always tell Holster?” Dex asks. “When things are hard.”

Ransom laughs right away, shaking his head. “No, of course not. I’m a huge hypocrite, Dex.” Dex doesn’t know if he’s joking or not but Ransom adds, “I’m serious.”

“Oh. Fuck—Rans. Fuck’s sake.”

“I’m sorry,” Ransom says, laughing again. “But I mean—I know that telling him is the right thing to do, I just don’t always do it.” 

“Easier said than done,” Dex murmurs, and Ransom easily agrees. 

“Grin and bear it.” He shrugs. “I love him,” Ransom says, slowly shaking his head as his smile grows. “Sometimes I think it’s easier not telling him certain things because I feel like I’m overreacting, or think maybe he won’t get it, I don’t know. But it’s the Not Telling Him that feels like a betrayal to him—and for me…” Ransom’s smile fades. “There’s always something to work on. And that’s—” his smile grows again and this time he nods, like he means it. “That’s good.” 

Even Ransom and Holster haven’t actually found a magical telepathic bliss that comes from true love—they still have to communicate.

Talking about things is good.

Before either of them can speak again the floors shift—someone’s approaching.

“Baby, we have to order more food,” Holster says, sticking his head in the kitchen. Dex has his back to Holster but doesn’t turn, the endearment for Ransom rolling off Holster’s tongue so easily making Dex’s stomach do funny things. “I’m so fucking hungry.”

“Pizza?” Ransom offers, to which Holster must nod. “I can call that place up the street.”

“Yesss, love you.” 

Ransom smiles and the sound of Holster’s footsteps retreating doesn’t rid the dip from between Dex’s eyebrows. They listen until the front door opens and shuts and only then does Dex look up, meeting Ransom’s gaze.

His expression is very open—he can see the ache that Dex has been stifling this whole time, torn open again at even just the sound of Holster’s voice. 

“He’s going out to smoke,” Ransom tells him slowly, studying Dex’s expression carefully, and there’s nothing Dex can do to hide whatever his face is showing. “You should join him, eh?”

Dex scoffs, or laughs, but he knows Ransom’s serious. Besides, he has pizza to order. 

Holster’s waiting with a joint the second Dex opens the front door. He hasn’t even smoked it yet, waving the lighter along with it, this moment intentionally planned to be shared. 

Dex sighs as he shuts the door but accepts both without a word. 

“How was your chat?” Holster asks as he passes over the lighter.

Dex lights the joint before he answers, blowing out a puff of smoke with a sharp look. “How was yours?” he counters. 

Holster smiles, shrugging a little and accepting the joint when Dex finally passes it his way. “It was nice. More to come, I’m sure.”

Wonderful.

“What did you talk about?” Dex wonders.

Holster eyes him a little less than suspiciously and pops his shoulder up again, considering his answer. “This and that. D-man things.” Dex rolls his eyes, reaching for the weed before Holster can pass it his way again, but the other man gives it over without any chirping. “Nothing, Dex,” he says. “We didn’t talk about anything, just like we always do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Holster trails off with a laugh. “You talk to me more than Nursey does.”

Dex’s face burns hot at once. “What?”

Holster chuckles, shaking his head a little. “I can’t with you two.” 

“What are you saying?” Dex asks again, confused. 

In the aftermath of everything last year, Nursey always wanted things to get back to normal with Holster. If they’re not talking at all, then things definitely aren’t fucking normal.

“I kind of figured you preferred it that way,” Holster admits, popping one shoulder into a shrug. 

“Fuck you,” Dex snaps, irritated.

Holster passes the joint back to him and Dex hits it immediately, turning away from him in a huff. In what universe would Dex prefer it that he is in more regular contact with Holster than Nursey is? He’s never fully understood Nursey and Holster’s relationship but he hadn’t realized it had disappeared completely. 

“No,” Dex finally says. “I don’t prefer it that way. What do you mean?” he pushes, still not understanding. “The way he talks about you I figure…” Dex trails off, his stomach twisting in the worst way. 

“Well I don’t know how he fuckin’ talks about me but I have no idea why it’d be any good,” Holster insists dully. 

“Me neither,” Dex grits out, even more frustrated. “That’s the problem.”

“That’s your problem, that’s not my problem, because as stated before, he doesn’t talk to me.” 

Dex shakes his head again, incredibly confused. “Why not?” Holster shrugs and Dex sighs. He motions for the him to pass the joint again but Dex takes his time with it, like more weed will help unravel his thoughts instead of cloud them, because fuck it. 

But Holster takes his time too, not answering until he has his turn with the joint. 

“Maybe because you’re over here comparing yourself to someone that doesn’t exist?” Dex startles at the question, not sure if it’s rhetorical or not. “Like, Dex,” Holster exhales, blowing smoke in the other direction before moving toward him. “You know what it’s like for me at home.” 

That’s pretty much the only reason that he and Holster really talk. Because Holster’s folks don’t really care to acknowledge his bisexuality, and they aren’t super excited that he’s dating Ransom. Which, wait—

“Is that why you’re not sharing a room?” Dex asks suddenly. 

Holster shrugs. “Not entirely.” But it plays a part. “Is that why you don’t want to share with Nursey?” Dex hates Holster so freaking much. “Makes sense.”

Dex is simmering. Even Ransom wasn’t talking about this—the nausea that comes with never knowing when the delusion at home will come crashing down. It was never so specific as to comment on his parents, his home. 

Telling him is always the answer, Ransom had said, and while that might remain true here he couldn’t possibly know what it feels like.

But Holster knows.

“Not entirely,” Dex echoes back to him. He’s still caught up in thinking of how they presented it at the beginning—the two rooms. Because Ransom’s up late and Holster has a TV. Not because Holster’s family could drop-in unannounced and they needed it to look a certain way. “Does Ransom know?” Dex pushes. “That that’s a reason?” 

“Dex, of course he does.” Holster shakes his head, his smile rue. He sighs a little, tipping his head back toward the door. “This wasn’t what you talked about?” Holster wonders. 

Dex’s eyes fall and he shakes his head. Just the anxieties of being honest, of being vulnerable, of dating someone who seems to be so sure of themselves.

“Why don’t you talk to Rans anymore?” Holster asks quietly.

“I talk to Rans.”

“Sure. Like I talk to Nursey.”

This opens something inside Dex’s chest that stings more than he expects. “Old wounds,” he offers quietly. He does talk to Ransom, but Holster’s right. It’s sparingly considering how close they were during the midst of the craziness last year. 

Holster makes some sort of noise like he doesn’t really like that answer before passing again and Dex shrugs like he’s not sure what else to say. 

“It’s not actually us he’s comparing you to,” Holster finally says as Dex exhales slowly. Smoke drifts between them, hanging in the stagnant air before catching the breeze and fading away. Dex takes another hit and waits for Holster to say more. “Nursey.”

Dex exhales. “Don’t,” he murmurs.

“He’s a romantic, he sees things that aren’t always there.” 

This makes Dex feel worse, somehow. He turns to look at Holster and it must be written all over his face because Holster reacts with a sharp inhale, reaching toward Dex to sooth him as he shakes his head. 

“Like with me,” Holster clarifies. “With us,” he adds, gesturing back toward the house—toward Ransom, tucked away in the kitchen. “He doesn’t talk to me, and he and Ransom don’t talk about me, so it’s all up to an Instagram post and his very vivid imagination.”

Dex folds his arms over his chest, shaking his head. That isn’t Nursey, that’s Dex. Seeing an Instagram post and running away with it and then getting angry.

Dex clears his throat and slowly asks, “Do you feel like Ransom trusts you?”

Holster’s face changes as he processes the question. “What?”

“When he keeps things from you…” Dex trails off, not knowing if he’s crossing any lines with Ransom by mentioning what they vaguely discussed in the kitchen. “And you know it.” Like when Dex isn’t fully honest with Nursey, keeping things from him because he thinks it will keep him safe. “Do you feel like he doesn’t trust you?” 

Holster thinks for a moment. “It’s not about if he trusts me, it’s about if I still trust him.” 

Dex shakes his head. “That isn’t what I’m asking.”

Holster sighs, getting frustrated. “I don’t know, Dex. I want to believe he still trusts me, yeah. I try and be as—honest and open with him as I can since everything went down because I don’t ever want my intentions to be mistaken. But he isn’t—it’s different for Rans and I get that.”

“You get that?” Dex pushes back.

“Yes.”  

Ransom’s still more guarded, Dex thinks, and he understands—because he’s the same.

“Fuck,” Dex murmurs. He looks between them, wondering where the joint went and if there’s any more he can smoke. 

“I have another,” Holster tells him before he can ask, patting the front pocket of his shirt. “But you’ll have to walk with me to get the pizza if you want it.”

“Fuck’s sake.”

When Nursey returns from the basement Ransom’s back in the living room, spread out on the couch he and Dex had been sitting on earlier as he scrolls on his phone. He smiles at Nursey when he hears him and turns, quickly setting his phone aside before propping himself up on his elbow.

“They went to get pizza,” Ransom tells him.

Nursey laughs, pretty sure he’s kidding at first, but the house is quiet and Ransom wiggles his eyebrows with a laugh of his own. 

“Not the first surprise of the night,” Nursey says. 

Ransom shrugs, his smile growing. “We like to keep people on their toes around here.”

“Seems like it.” Ransom pushes himself up to sit all the way so Nursey can sit on the end of the couch by his feet. “I don’t know why I’m so worried,” Nursey says quietly as he sits, dropping his voice even though he knows they’re alone. “Dex is good to me. He doesn’t have to tell me everything all the time.” 

Ransom’s smile fades into something bittersweet. He sighs, nodding encouragingly, but doesn’t have anything to say. 

“Rans,” Nursey pushes, softer still. 

“Yeah?”

“You… have people to talk to about Holtz, right?” 

His lips part in surprise but Ransom nods, even though his eyes take on a new shade of confusion. “Sure, Nursey.” Nursey really doesn’t like the tone he says it in. “I live in this house with plenty of them.” 

“Yeah,” Nursey concedes. Maybe it’s just that he still regrets that he can’t be one of those people.

“We… can talk about Holster?” Ransom offers, voice unsure, and Nursey isn’t sure what that means. “You never ask,” he says with a little shrug. “I figured that was you not asking.” 

“No,” Nursey rushed. He knew some things would be weird to talk about, obviously, but any time he got to talking about Dex and then never heard a word of Holster’s name it just felt more and more like Ransom was trying to keep it all separate. “I was leaving it up to you.”

“Mm. Wow.” Ransom shakes his head, exhaling a little laugh. “All four of us are really good at communicating,” he says—which just means none of them can communicate for shit.

“Must be a d-man thing.”

Ransom laughs and Nursey brightens, feeling some invisible weight lifted from his shoulders at the sound of him so warm. 

“Yeah, must be,” he agrees sarcastically. “Holtz is—we’re good, Nursey,” he adds, still shining. “For the most part. I mean—you know.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t need specifics and he’s not trying to pry. Just feels weird to never talk about him. “For you, the two rooms is…?” Nursey prompts.

“Amazing.” Answered without missing a beat. “A place to close the door and fall apart where Holtz can’t see me? A room I have total control over, messy or clean, no matter what anyone else does outside of it?” Ransom shakes his head, his smile returning from earlier. “So many more pros than cons, not even kidding.” 

Nursey turns, sinking into the couch a little with a small sigh. “Maybe I’m just too much,” he decides quietly. “I want too much.”

“You want what you want,” Ransom tells him. “That’s not too much. And you’re a lot, but—” Nursey scoffs and Ransom laughs, leaning forward to nudge him playfully. “Nursey, you’re not too much. And Dex definitely doesn’t think that.”

Nursey sighs deeply then nodding and shrugging and just not sure. He’s listened to Holster and he’s listened to Ransom and he still can’t believe how Dex fled their room—like everyone was expecting it but Nursey, like Dex had been planning on it while Nursey planned for a fantasy. 

“Maybe I don’t know him the way I think I do,” Nursey offers then. 

He knows Dex is introverted and needs his space and he knows that Dex takes very small steps forward in their relationship, that’s how it’s been from the beginning, but this disconnect is different. 

“Maybe you’re not giving yourself enough grace, Nursey,” Ransom counters gently. “I think if there’s something about Dex you’ve missed it’s because he’s trying to hide it. Not because you just can’t see it.” 

“But…” Nursey sighs, still not understanding. He wants it all and he thought that was clear—the good, the bad, and the ugly. They’ve already been through so much shit it doesn’t make sense to him that Dex would keep anything else. “Why?”

Ransom shrugs a little, looking unsure, but sounding very correct when he says, “Still learning how to be vulnerable?” 

Nursey feels like he could open his chest and pour out everything inside of him to Dex without even blinking. He’s always wanted to be half of something wonderful so when it’s his turn to give, he gives and he gives, no more secrets between them. 

Dex isn’t there yet—Nursey can’t fault him for that. Or at least, he shouldn’t. 

“Yeah,” Nursey murmurs. He turns, ready to ask Ransom another question, when they hear noise on the front porch. “They’re back?” Nursey wonders instead.

“Sure sounds like it,” Ransom responds. 

Along with the delicious smell of melting cheese is the faint smell of pot that wafts into the house when Dex and Holster enter. 

“We’re hoooome!” Holster sings.

“Oh my god.” Nursey’s laugh catches him by surprise but not anymore than the strong smell of weed does the further Dex and Holster get into the room. Dex moves to sit beside Nursey with pink, watery eyes, and it takes all Nursey can to bite back another laugh. “Hi,” he greets.

“Hi,” Dex echoes. 

“You smoke without me?” Nursey asks quietly as Ransom stands, moving to help Holster with the pizza.

Dex makes a not-so innocent face and shakes his head. “Mm-mm, no.”

“No?”

Dex smiles then, unable to hold it back. “Noo,” he lies badly. 

“We have more!” Holster calls from the kitchen.

With both he and Ransom gone, Nursey leans forward for a quick kiss that Dex is happy to return. Dex melts, more languid than normal since he’s obviously a little high, reaching up to cup Nursey’s cheek and deepen it with a refreshing touch of eagerness. Nursey smiles into it which just makes Dex smile too. 

“You’re so funny,” Nursey hums when they part, which just has Dex drawing him in for another silly little kiss. “You got pizza?” he wonders. 

Dex nods, finally pulling back enough that they can move to stand and join the other two in the kitchen, but they stay on the couch for another moment anyway. Nursey reaches for Dex’s hand and draws it up, kissing his knuckles gently before they head to the kitchen together.

Once there, Holster and Ransom have already devoured half of the first pizza they ordered, standing over the kitchen table and using the entire open box as a plate rather than getting any down from the cabinet. Nursey and Dex take up open spots around the box and reach for their own slices, taking after their hosts with ease.

The pizza’s delicious. Shitty’s dinner earlier was fantastic but they are growing men, they need Second Dinner sometimes. They get through the first two pizzas with ease and only slow down on the third, leaving behind four and a half slices for breakfast or one lucky midnight snack. 

“That fucking rocked,” Holster announces after a belch. To Ransom, “Thanks for ordering.”

“Thanks for grabbing it,” Ransom responds with a shrug.

“I know you hate that hill,” Holster smiles.

“Yeah, some warning about the hill would’ve been nice,” Dex mutters after wiping his mouth with a paper towel. Everyone laughs a little before they relocate to the living room, a few more beers in tow. 

Holster goes downstairs for more weed and Ransom produces the Upstairs Bong from the closet where it lives while Nursey and Dex return to the couch, full stomachs leaving them both with content smiles. 

“You sleepy?” Nursey asks once Ransom goes. 

Dex nods and shrugs and shakes his head. “I’m game for whatever. You wanna smoke.”

“Just a little.”

Dex smiles, nodding some more, and he seems happier than Nursey figures he would be after a long walk and chat with Holster. “Yeah, Der, I’m good.” Nursey moves to slide their fingers together, lacing their hands so perfectly just as Ransom returns. 

When Holster gets back they dim the lights and put on some lo-fi beats to pass the bong around too, and Dex and Nursey only let go of each other when it’s their turn to smoke. Once the piece is handed off again they search out one another until linked once more, each time it’s passed around the circle. 

“Is it weird living with Shitty and Lardo now that they’re together?” Dex asks eventually. 

“Nah,” Ransom and Holster answer at the same time.

“They’re only slightly more obnoxious than when we all lived in the Haus,” Holster adds with a grin. “But if anything, it’s law school that tips the scales—not them being together.”

“They’re really into cooking now,” Ransom says. 

“And you two?” Dex wonders.

The air between the four of them stills. 

“How’re you filling your time?” Dex eventually prompts, his voice softer than before. 

“Uh, well,” Holster gestures toward Ransom. “A lot of studying for this guy, mostly.” 

“There’s a bar up the street we like to play pool at sometimes,” Ransom mentions, jerking his thumb over his shoulder as if to point it out. “And trivia over in Prospect.”

“No karaoke?” Nursey teases.

“Plenty of karaoke,” Holster answers with a grin. But then, he shrugs. “Still trying to figure out how to fill time, I think.”

“There’s so much of it once you graduate,” Ransom agrees.

“More time than I’ve had in years,” Holster stresses, voice flat like he still doesn’t really believe it. 

“We—” Ransom starts, but stops, catching himself with an uncomfortable laugh. Nursey’s too stoned to care about whatever he could possibly say and Dex makes a face that encourages an answer, so Ransom starts over. “We’ve gone on a few dates,” Ransom says delicately, but he’s so wonderful about it that of course the only response can be happiness. 

“Oh, yeah,” Holster agrees with a furrowed brow and a laugh. “Like—fancy fucking dates.”

“They’re not that fancy,” Ransom says with an eye roll. Still, he’s smiling, both of them savoring this evolution in their relationship. “It’s a sit-down dinner with a two dollar sign rating instead of one.”

“Fucking fancy,” Holster counters.

“Or a museum or something,” Ransom adds, laughing again and reaching for the bong that Holster’s now passing his way. “Stop,” he fake-reprimands. After his hit Ransom explains, “Holtz doesn’t think we can be fancy. Shitty and Lards go to all these events now—we crashed a few and it was not our scene.”

“Or Shitty and Lardo’s,” Holster says, “but they’re so much better at faking it. We gotta class our act up.”

“Do you two?” Ransom asks before lighting the bowl. “Go on dates.”

Nursey looks over while Dex answers, “A few.” Nursey adjusts his hold on Dex’s hand, thumb moving slowly over Dex’s, as Dex continues, “Bowling was fun.”

“Oh we should do that again,” Nursey agrees, eased at how smooth an answer flows from Dex’s lips. They’d gone with Chowder and Farmer and Ollie and Wicky and it was a blast, the six of them sharing beers and pizza and cheering for everyone’s strikes.

“A lot of ice cream,” Dex adds, his smile small but sure as he meets Nursey’s gaze, and Nursey’s heart somersaults in his chest. “Lake time.”

Nursey could get lost in Dex’s honey-golden gaze no matter the time or place. Even here, everything else just melts away. Back to a spoonful of mint chocolate that Dex serves Nursey from his own ice cream, sitting across the booths from one another whispering like it was late at night and anyone could overhear them. To Nursey stepping closer to Dex on the walk home and Dex lifting his arm to wind around Nursey’s waist, drawing him comfortably closer.

“It’s good to get out of the Haus,” Holster says, bringing him back.

“It’s good to be together,” Nursey answers, eyes still on Dex.

Dex’s responding smile is one Nursey sees most often when they’re alone—a little bashful, soft and small, more vulnerable than he is elsewhere. “It is,” he agrees quietly. “We can be fancy,” Dex tells him. 

“Us?” Nursey asks, laughing. “What do we need to be fancy for?”

Dex’s smile grows and he laughs too, still soft, like he’s exhaling in relief. “I mean nothing,” he says, leaning closer and lowering his voice like maybe he’s forgotten where they are too—who’s with them. “But we could be. If we needed to.”

Nursey’s eyes fall to Dex’s mouth and he wants to kiss him so badly that it makes his chest ache, but he does know where they are and who’s with them and that Dex never wants something like a kiss to be a spectacle for others—these two in particular. So, he forces his eyes up again, savoring the way Dex’s smile continues to widen like he’s somehow understood all of this with no words spoken. 

He turns before Nursey does, back to their hosts, squeezing Nursey’s hand lovingly before saying, “Do you have any spots? To recommend?” 

Nursey turns just in time to watch both Holster and Ransom light up in a new way. 

“What,” Ransom clarifies, “date spots?”

“Sure,” Dex shrugs, entirely too casual. Nursey arches an eyebrow and can’t help but laugh as Dex makes a gesture for the bong to be passed his way. “D-men to d-men.”

Nursey laughs harder then, hands free so Dex can grab the bong and Nursey can push him away, shaking his head as Dex grins; all of this for Nursey. More reassurance than he could possibly need from the man he so deeply loves. 

“Oh, dudes,” Holster’s hands go up right away, “the climbing gym is a must.”

“Have to agree,” Ransom admits.

“What?” Nursey can’t do this ridiculous conversation. “Why?”

“Ass,” they say together.

Dex coughs out in surprise and then is stuck in a coughing fit, passing the bong to Nursey while Holster and Ransom trade smug, happy looks. “You asked,” Ransom adds when Dex rolls his eyes—but even his usual annoyance is gone, all of it filtered through some hazy happiness too.

“We went to that small theater on 6th a few times,” Holster tells them. 

Ransom’s smile widens. “Quiet there,” he agrees.

Nursey accepts the bong from Dex and takes his hit, but he’s high enough that it doesn’t make much of a difference once he takes it. If anything, it makes him more sleepy. Dex is the one who gets handsy when they smoke, not Nursey. 

“I have a list somewhere,” Ransom says. “Ranked by various things—food, distance from the Haus, people-watching. Etcetera.” 

“You and your Excel sheets,” Holster warms. 

“You love them,” Ransom tosses back, and Holster nods easily, no other comment but this. 

Now is probably time for bed. 

Nursey yawns then thinking about it, and Holster asks what time it is, everyone on the same wonderful wavelength that 1am is the perfect time for calling it quits. It’s difficult for Nursey to stand but Dex pulls him to his feet. 

“We’ll help clean in the morning,” Dex says as he tugs Nursey toward the stairs.

“No you will not,” Holster says pointedly.

“We are guests,” Nursey agrees. He wants to sit on the stairs and go down them one at a time, sitting, his legs protesting every moment they’re upright, but Dex is warm behind him and it’s easier to sink backwards into him and be guided down the stairs than anything. “G’night!” Nursey calls as they make their way down. 

“Night,” Dex agrees loudly. 

The lo-fi music turns up a little louder and Nursey hears the chug of the bong another time before they round the corner at the base of the stairs, making their way down the hall to Ransom’s room—theirs for the night. 

Steps grow more difficult the closer they get and Dex laughs as he has to hold up more of Nursey’s weight. “Derek,” he reprimands playfully, his voice low in Nursey’s ear sending goosebumps up his spine. 

Nursey straightens up as they pass through the door, turning to watch Dex pull it shut and flip the lock without much thought to it. He reaches for Dex who draws him in easily, the kiss Nursey had been desperate for not that long ago finally traded between them. Alone, their own space, a door shut between them and the noise of the night. 

They stand twisted together for a few moments, lips locked as Nursey tries to tug Dex backward toward the mattress. 

“Ransom’s bed,” Dex reminds him as they step slowly, slowly. 

“Clean sheets,” Nursey counters. 

Dex attempts a scoff but really it’s more of a laugh. He pulls back with a curiously arched eyebrow, but Nursey knows there’s no need to be all over each other tonight. Even alone like this his sleepiness hasn’t faded much—the second they’re horizontal Nursey is going to zonk out big time. 

Still, Dex draws him in again for another kiss, his firm hands gently cradling Nursey’s cheeks as he keeps him close for another and another and another. There’s that needy urgency that always creeps out when Dex smokes, like he wants to pull Nursey inside of him, devour him whole. Nursey winds his arms around Dex’s waist and smiles at the small noise of want that’s low in Dex’s throat in response. 

They sway a little, stumbling in their embrace before Dex pulls back, checks flushed brilliantly pink and eyes dark with want when he draws his gaze up from Nursey’s swollen lips. Just as quickly he falls in again, his forehead against Nursey’s while he closes his eyes. 

“I still can’t believe this sometimes,” Dex whispers, voice thick. 

Nursey slowly drags his hand up Dex’s spine. “Believe what?”

“That I get you. To do this with you.” 

They’re both very high but it doesn’t make it mean any less. Nursey smiles and tips his head forward for another quick kiss, pulling back to murmur, “I love you.” 

Softer still, Dex asks, “Even though I’m moving into the basement?” 

“Yeah, Will.” Nursey pulls back enough then that they can look at each other, but Dex’s eyes stay shut. “Will, yes. That doesn’t—” Nursey shakes his head, smile gone as he struggles to find the right words so quickly. He reaches up with one hand to tip Dex’s chin up toward him. “I love you,” Nursey says again, slow and clear and as warm as he can possibly be. 

He doesn’t say it a lot, because Dex hasn’t said it at all yet and sometimes he can get inside his head about it, but fuck, Nursey loves him. Fuck the basement and fuck the bunk bed none of that actually matters—what matters is that he gets to do this with Dex.

“I love you too,” Dex whispers back. 

Nursey feels something in his chest pop, like a firecracker warming him from head to toe. “Will—”

“I don’t want you to think that I don’t,” Dex rushes, shaking his head. “Sometimes I just need—”

“A door you can close,” Nursey concludes for him quietly. “I know. I know, it’s okay.” Dex’s eyes fall shut again as he tips his head forward ever so slightly, and Nursey can’t help how quickly his smile returns. 

He draws his thumb slowly along Dex’s jaw in quiet awe and disbelief. 

“You make me so happy,” Nursey says softly, just wanting to fill the space between them with more wonderful truth. Dex’s eyes ease open then, the worry etched into his face fading the moment his gaze meets Nursey’s. “Do you worry about that?” he asks.

Dex shakes his head. “No. Not… really.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Nursey insists. Dex makes him the happiest he’s ever been. “You’ve never said it before.”

I love you too, so easily exhaled like it had been perched and ready, waiting for the perfect moment.

He looks down and away, but then Dex looks back and murmurs, “I’ve felt it.” 

Nursey kisses him again, the smile on his face widening as Dex gives in, kissing him back with a smile of his own. 

After just a few tender moments Nursey pulls back, stopping himself before getting too flustered. “Here, come on,” he says, gesturing toward their bags. “You should get changed.”

Dex’s tongue slips out to wet his lips and Nursey takes a purposeful step back while he watches. Another step back gets him close enough to sit on the edge of the mattress, and from there he stretches out backwards until his head hits a pillow. Dex smirks, looking flushed and fond as he reaches for his backpack and digs through for his sleep sweats. 

Nursey rests his head in his hands, elbows fanned out, and scans Ransom’s room while stealing the occasional glance at his half-naked boyfriend while he changes. His mind drifts a little, back to the Haus, thinking about all of the new space he’ll have once Dex’s bungalow is finished and trying to imagine how he could fill it. 

“Will you help me?” Nursey wonders aloud.

Dex glances over his shoulder, a curious eyebrow arched. “With what, Der?” 

“Decorating. Once your place is done.”

“Sure,” Dex nods.

“You’re better at it than me.”

Dex smiles. “Okay.” He turns back so he can pull on his shirt, the muscles in his back stretching as he moves, and Nursey smiles too. 

“If we ever get a cat,” Nursey says, thoughts wandering, “we would have to get a cat door so they could come and go as they please.”

Dex turns back then, now dressed, and shakes his head confused, still smiling. “What are you saying?”

“Because they don’t like closed doors,” Nursey explains as he opens his arms. “In my experience.”

“Okay,” Dex says again as he settles in. They left the light on. With Dex in his arms he’s going to fall asleep in an instant. “We can get a cat door.” 

“I love you,” Nursey says again. 

Dex shifts in his hold and Nursey’s eyes open, the room still bright, unaware of when he even closed them while Dex moves in for a soft kiss on the forehead. “Yeah,” he whispers. Now Nursey knows he means I love you too. Still, Dex draws back more, leaving Nursey in bed for a brief moment so he can turn off the lights. 

Once the room is dark Nursey shifts his own body, moving so he can free a blanket from beneath him and pull it over his body instead. Dex helps when he returns and soon they’re tucked in together, finally quiet and dark, ready for sleep. 

Into the darkness Dex asks, “You journal already?” 

That Dex knows Nursey has to do it every day makes something in his chest feel wide open. “Yeah.”

“Before? Or after. Your chat with Holtz.” 

Nursey’s awake in an instant. 

He pulls back, eyes opening wide to answer, “Both.” Even with the lights off, Nursey can see him so clearly. Dex nods a little and Nursey studies him for a moment, waiting for Dex’s face to give something away. It never does. “What’s going on in there?” Nursey wonders quietly, reaching out to slowly stroke his thumb along Dex’s jaw. 

Dex leans into Nursey’s hand before he lifts his own, covering Nursey’s. He’s waited until it’s dark for this, always easier to discuss serious things when there’s less light to view each other in.

“You two don’t talk anymore?” Dex wonders quietly. There’s something in his voice Nursey doesn’t usually hear when they’re talking about Holster; it’s the way a child speaks to their parents after they think they’ve done something wrong. 

But Nursey’s the one who feels like he’s done something wrong. “He told you that?” he asks, lowering his hand. 

Dex nods, propping himself up on his elbow to ask, “Why not? I mean—I don’t—I wouldn’t care, Derek.”

“No, I know.”

“Really?”

Nursey exhales, shaking his head a little. “Would you really not care?” Nursey pushes back. 

“I trust you,” Dex answers quietly. There’s no sting in how he says it, no taunt or hint of sarcasm, and also no shame. Dex trusts him wholeheartedly—there isn’t a reason to worry. How could there be when just moments ago he’d finally said what Nursey has been waiting to hear for months? “I’d really not care.” 

“Even though you haven’t forgiven him,” Nursey says, voice flat.

He doesn’t want to start a fight, but he wants the truth. Nursey knows that Dex doesn’t like Holster, and if a friendship with Holster is just as much of a strain on his relationship as not having a friendship with Holster, then Nursey will forgo it completely. No reason to make it more complicated. 

“Forgiveness doesn’t matter here,” Dex tells him.

Nursey scoffs, or laughs, disbelief either way. “What does that even mean?” 

“It means… my own relationship with Holster is… complicated,” Dex offers carefully. “But I have one. And I was surprised to learn that you don’t anymore.”

Nursey’s more confused now. “What do you mean?”

“Just that—apparently I talk to him more than you do.” Well Nursey talks to him not at all, so yeah, any bit would be more. “I told you when we started dating that I didn’t care if you were friends with him,” Dex says.

“Well… I didn’t believe you.” Dex shakes his head, gesturing outward with nothing to say. “Baby, come on! Was I wrong?”

Dex’s response is quiet. “I mean, yeah, it seems like maybe you were wrong.” Nursey feels the weight of this quiet. “I never asked you to do that. I never would’ve wanted you to.”

“It felt… easier,” Nursey tries. He doesn’t like how this conversation feels at all. “What are you talking to Holtz about?” 

“This and that. Bitty, hockey. D-man things.” Nursey exhales a soft, disbelieving noise. “Sometimes we talk about home.”

“The Haus?” Nursey challenges. His voice is sharp but not enough to break the bubble around them.

“No. Home.” 

Nursey feels smaller now because he really does not understand. Even he and Dex don’t really talk about Dex’s family. Nursey tries but he doesn’t want to push, and Dex is often vague in the way that doesn’t leave room for questions. 

It’s always, home’s good, my parents are fine, I wish I was on the boat, I wish I was at Samwell, I wish I was with you, quick short final. Nursey wished that too—that they were together—more than anything. 

He missed Dex so much over the summer that after one particularly long video call one night he’d nearly driven halfway to Dex’s place before realizing he absolutely could not show up at Dex’s family home unannounced. He’d turned around and still hasn’t mentioned it to this day, feeling foolish at how blind his hope had been in the moment when he had always known the truth.

Home was hard for Dex, but Dex never talked about it. 

At least, not with Nursey.

“What about home?” 

Dex sighs then, something on his face breaking as he looks between them, dropping Nursey’s gaze. “My parents are like his,” he rasps. “Or—could be…” 

It takes Nursey a moment but he reaches for Dex’s hands, gathering them between his own. Dex still won’t meet his gaze but Nursey doesn’t need him to—can feel the guilt radiating off him even though it feels misplaced. 

“I never wanted you to feel like a secret,” Dex continues quietly. 

“Will,” Nursey shakes his head. “I knew—I know the weight of this,” he promises quietly. “Of us.” Dex takes a shuddering breath, closing his eyes. “I would never, ever want you to just—not… talk about hard things with me because they’re hard.” Dex shakes his head too, eyes still closed. “Home is hard for you, I know. I know that.” 

“I’m sorry,” Dex whispers.

“No, hey.” Nursey lets go of one hand so he can reach up, cupping Dex’s cheek. “I just—I can handle it, Will. Maybe my—my parents are a little more… open but that doesn’t mean I can’t handle it.”

Dex’s eyes are still closed. “I know.” He sounds sure. “I just wish—” his voice catches and he leans into Nursey’s hand, squeezing his eyes closed tighter. “I wanted it to be easier.” 

Nursey’s heart presses a little too tightly on his chest. “Come here,” he murmurs, shifting quickly to open his arms and pull Dex into them. They wind their arms around each other as Dex tucks himself into Nursey’s hold, his breath a little unsteady as they stay in silence. 

It isn’t fair that they don’t get easier, but they get each other—that’s more than enough for Nursey. Dex has always been more than enough. 

“I love you,” Dex says again, voice shaking as he puts the words between them. “I want a future with you. To—to share a room and… a bed…” he trails off and Nursey pulls back, nodding as he moves.

“I want that,” he agrees fiercely. “Whenever. I don’t need it now.” 

“You were so excited about the room,” Dex rushes, still strained.

“Because I thought you were too,” Nursey responds just as quickly. “If you had said—if you had explained what was going on, Will, of course I—how could you think I wouldn’t—” he doesn’t want to blame Dex here but is struggling to find the right words. “It’s an easy fantasy to live in.”

It feels so real. Being with Dex is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Wherever they go from here, Nursey’s just excited to do it together. 

“Yeah,” Dex agrees, a little breathless. “It is.” 

Fuck, of course it is. Dex trapped in his family home pretending like he’s just texting a friend while Nursey paints vivid pictures of what Samwell could be for them on his return—of course Dex would want to live in that fantasy too. 

“You know I can get carried away,” Nursey tells him. “You keep me grounded.” 

Dex sighs again, leaning forward to bump their foreheads together. “You keep me grounded,” he echoes softly. 

“Mmm.” Nursey’s smile grows. “So that’s why this works, then.”

Dex isn’t ready for teasing. He shakes his head, their noses brushing. “I just want you to have everything you want.”

“You’re the only thing I want,” Nursey insists. “My family can be yours until you’re ready,” he rushes. Dex’s eyes fly open in shock and he inhales slightly as he pulls back enough to meet Nursey’s gaze. “That’s how this is supposed to go eventually anyway, yeah? Your family’s my family’s yours?”  

Dex blinks a few times, clearly fighting tears. “Derek,” he rasps. “What if they’re never ready?” 

Nursey feels a little desperate himself. “What do you want me to say, Will?” He feels incredulous, not sure what Dex needs to hear. “Then they’re never ready. That wouldn’t change what I want with you. How I feel about you.” He cups Dex’s cheek to keep him close. “I can’t be more clear. It’s always gonna be you.” 

Dex kisses him and Nursey knows he’s crying because his cheeks are wet, which makes Nursey’s eyes flood with tears too. He reaches up for Dex’s other cheek so he can steady their kiss but soon after pulls away, thumbs gliding along his cheeks to collect tears that have gone astray. 

“You don’t have to worry,” Nursey promises, soft. “Not about me.” 

“Thank you,” Dex exhales. He sounds drained, looks it too, and who wouldn’t be exhausted after such a long day? 

It has been a very long day. 

They shift in bed together, reorienting themselves and sinking down, stretching out under the covers. They wind themselves around each other, Dex tucked into Nursey’s open arm, his own stretched across Nursey’s stomach, ankles twisted as they settle in. 

Even with how tired he had been earlier, Nursey stays awake until Dex’s breath steadies and Nursey knows he’s fallen asleep. 

In the morning, Dex wakes first. 

He’s incredibly disoriented for a few moments. Ransom’s room doesn’t get a lot of natural light so it isn’t very bright, but everything’s warm—more so because Nursey’s wound around Dex in the most deliciously comfortable way. 

Dex exhales deeply, happy to savor it for another beat. His hand drifts up Nursey’s spine but the other man doesn’t stir, his steady breathing unchanged. He can’t imagine what time it might be but a quick glance around the room doesn’t reveal a clock he can easily see. 

It really doesn’t matter, anyway. The house is quiet. The men on the other side of the wall are either sleeping just as deeply, or being incredibly considerate, quiet hosts upstairs. They did promise breakfast. 

Ransom was right—talking about it is always the answer.

Even if talking about it is the most exhausting—literally physically draining—solution of them all. Being emotionally vulnerable is like Dex has just undergone hours of surgery and desperately needs a drink of water because he is very parched, the unsettling feeling of needing recovery just waiting in the pit of his stomach.

But fuck—Nursey is so understanding. Of course he is.

It’s only when Dex hides things does Nursey get scared. He’s clearly over secrets. But so is Dex—that’s why this one, the struggle of home, that’s why it’s been weighing on him so much. He wants to tell Nursey everything. He knows Nursey can handle it. 

But then he goes to, and he can’t. He simply won’t. It’s like pulling teeth, one terrible molar at a time. 

To voice the disappointment his father is sure to have, the comments his brother has already made. Even thinking about it now makes Dex sick. 

He loves Nursey. It feels cruel to give him nasty things just so Dex can breathe a little. But he already knows that Nursey would argue against that—that it would be them sharing the trouble together, that he’d like to do it—

Dex sighs, and this time Nursey shifts. He tries to still himself so Nursey can settle back into sleep but it’s not enough. There are a few wonderful moments where Dex returns to this moment, here, nothing else but his sleepy boyfriend waking up in his arms with a crooked smile and terrible morning breath. 

“It’s morning?” Nursey asks, voice thick from sleep. 

Dex loves him. He can’t believe he finally said it—twice. The way Nursey lit up after hearing it was worth every moment Dex spent agonizing over if he was ready to say it or not in the months beforehand. He’d felt it for so long, nearly the beginning, but it was always scarier to voice things like that.

“Mm,” he nods in response and Nursey nods too, dropping his face back down against the bed. Dex chuckles and drags his hand down Nursey’s spine again, a little more pressure now that he’s awake. “I don’t know what time it is. Seems quiet.” 

Even now with some motion on their side of the wall—the other stays motionless. To be fair, Dex hadn’t heard Ransom and Holster come down the night before. He wonders if they fell asleep on the couch. 

“Want French toast,” Nursey murmurs into the pillows.

“Bacon would be so good,” Dex says.

Nursey lifts his head up to say, “Yes.” He props himself up with one elbow to add, “If those fuckers didn’t plan ahead and get bacon then what was even the point.”

“We could always stop somewhere on the way home.”

Nursey purses his lips like he’s trying not to smile too much. “Maybe. How’d you sleep?” 

Honestly? Truly knocked out. 

“Not bad.”

“Yeah, Rans has a nice bed.” Nursey shifts then, moving closer to Dex before dropping down and laying on Dex’s stomach. Dex tucks one of his arms behind his head, returning the other to Nursey’s back as he makes himself comfortable. “Will you bring your mattress from home?” Nursey wonders. “For the Haus.”

Dex closes his eyes, clinging to this moment of peace, refusing to let his heart rate spike. 

But he has thought about this a lot. What he wants to bring from his parent’s house as he starts to build his own home, far away from them. 

“I’ve been saving up for a new one,” Dex admits. “Some mattresses online aren’t priced that bad. And they have payment plans. I’ve kind of outgrown the one there.”

There are other things he wants to bring to the Haus—the chest at the foot of his bed, the bookshelf that fits below his windowsill, a collection of childhood memories he can’t stand to lose if things go sour in an instant and he’s forced to leave them behind. The mattress at least isn’t one of them. 

“Yeah,” Nursey agrees. His low voice and the angle in which he’s laying makes Dex’s body vibrate with his words. “That makes sense.”

Dex opens his eyes to find that Nursey’s are closed. He’s always slower to wake than Dex is, taking his time, still teaching Dex that there’s no need to rush the mornings. Certainly not a weekend morning while they’re visiting friends.

“I want a nice one,” Dex says. “Something that’ll last for a while.” 

“Gotta be comfy.”

Dex chuckles again, Nursey bouncing on his stomach as he laughs. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Something you’ll like too.” 

Nursey looks up another time, eyes a little brighter than before as he really wakes up, smile growing while he props his chin up on Dex. “I can sleep anywhere,” he says. That’s true. “I’ll probably get a new one too. My parents want to turn my room into a guest room so they want to keep the mattress, I think.”

“Oh, getting rid of the bunk bed?” Dex teases. 

Nursey rolls his eyes but his smile widens. “Shut up.” He pushes himself to sit now, like the comment has agitated him so much he can’t stand to lie down anymore. “Fuck that bunk bed,” Nursey says vehemently. “We can set it on fire when Bitty finally burns the couch.”

Dex laughs harder then, shaking his head. “That couch isn’t going anywhere, much to Bitty’s dismay.” 

“He’ll still try,” Nursey insists, which is definitely true. “If we leave it by the street, someone’ll probably take it,” Nursey adds. “The bunk bed, I mean.”

“I thought we were burning it?”

Nursey scrambles across the bed then, practically crawling on top of Dex so he can kiss him with a big ridiculous smile in the middle of it. 

Eventually there’s some noise from upstairs and Dex figures they really should get out of Ransom’s bed, no matter how comfortable it is when he’s tangled up with his boyfriend in it. When they finally get around to checking the time it’s only a little after 9, so they make their ascent slow. 

Nursey takes the bathroom first while Dex changes and then they switch, both getting a chance to brush their teeth and splash some water on their faces before taking to the stairs. There’s quiet jazz music spilling out of the kitchen and the soft sounds of breakfast being made—the sizzle of something in a pan, a spatula scraping against a bowl. 

“Bacon, I hope?” Nursey wonders as they round the corner, entering together, to find Ransom working in the kitchen on breakfast alone. 

He smiles brightly over his shoulder and nods. “No doubt,” Ransom answers. “Can’t believe you’re up already.”

“Hockey brain,” Dex admits. He can’t really sleep past 8 anymore even when he really wants to. Nursey could still sleep all day. “No Holtz? You want help”

“No,” Ransom answers, waving dismissively even though Dex is already seated at the table without any real inclination to stand again. “He’s in the shower.”

“What time did you two turn in?” Nursey asks. “I don’t think we heard you come downstairs.”

“Nah, fell asleep on the floor up here,” Ransom tells them as he turns back to breakfast. The bacon’s sizzling but he’s making pancakes too, slowly pouring batter into the pan as he takes his time with each. “Woke up to some loud ass YouTube video around 6 or something and snuck down.”

“And you’re up now why?” Dex asks.

Ransom grins over his shoulder. “Hockey brain,” Ransom says. “I think the latest I’ve slept in recently was… 9:15? Maybe?”

“Two and a half months ago,” Holster mutters as he enters the kitchen. His hair’s wet and his glasses are a little fogged up and even though he’s grumbling he looks pleasant enough. He moves into the spot beside Ransom at the stove to check on the bacon before starting on some eggs. “Rans has even started jogging some mornings. Gag me.”

Nursey shudders and actually gags a little. “Eugh. Rans, is this true?”

“Runner’s high is real, bro.” Dex laughs, shaking his head a little. “It’s good for your knee,” Ransom adds, elbowing Holster a little where they work. “You know you like it.”

Nursey turns to Dex and says, “We are not ever fucking jogging together.”

“We already do,” Dex tells him with an eyeroll. 

“Not for fun!” 

“It’s not fun,” Holster murmurs.

“Babe,” Ransom laughs. “Holtz only comes sometimes,” he says, finishing his latest pancake and scooping it onto a plate nearby already stacked with a few. “And every time he does he’s always like, wow, I feel great, that was amazing, why don’t you make me do this more, let’s go grocery shopping.”

Holster frowns. “Justin.”

“Adam.”

“I do not say let’s go grocery shopping.”

“You deadass made me go to the farmer’s market with you last week!”

“We were already going!”

Dex and Nursey giggle, bodies tired from a short night of deep sleep but brains wired after everything the last 15 hours has brought them. With the morning light pouring through the window and the sweet smell of breakfast in the air, every heavy thing from the night before feels less terrible now. 

“Do you all drink coffee in this house, or what?” Dex finally asks.

“You all,” Holster echoes, gesturing toward the coffee pot on the counter. “Just say y’all and embrace what Bitty has done to you.”

“Where do y’all keep your mugs?” Nursey asks with a grin of his own, standing from his chair. 

Twenty minutes later everyone is seated around the table; four steaming mugs of coffee, four hearty plates of pancakes drenched in syrup and berries and whipped cream, four men ready to really let go of the messy past that brought them together and just embrace it for what it is.

There isn’t any bacon leftover and Holster makes a second batch of scrambled eggs and it’s nice to sit around the table like this, just the four of them. The conversation flows a little easier than the night before and there’s much more laughter, all of them a little more loose with some time to adjust to sharing space again. 

“What’re you two up to for the rest of the weekend?” Ransom asks after they clear the table. 

Shitty and Lardo texted that they were on their way a little bit ago but already hit some traffic, so they made some quick plans to meet somewhere in the middle for lunch before Dex and Nursey head back to Samwell. They do want to hang out a little more but don’t want to hold up their day, which Dex doesn’t really think would be an issue. It’s still early in the semester so while he does have a few things he could work on, he isn’t really feeling the pressure of Junior year yet; Nursey seems to be in the same boat.

“Brunch tomorrow,” Nursey answers. It’s not a standing Sunday brunch with Ollie and Wicky but this will be the third in a row, and Dex really enjoys hanging out with the two of them. They’re incredibly grounding to be around—stable in their relationship, confident in themselves. Dex’ll miss them when they graduate at the end of the year. “No plans otherwise, really.”

“Laundry,” Dex says. Hesitates. Quietly adds, “Maybe work in the basement some.”

“Oh, yeah,” Nursey agrees quickly, looking his way with a nod. “Should we stop on the way home? Do we need to get anything?”

Dex feels his heart drop into his stomach before somersaulting back up again, warm in his chest like bacon sizzling in the pan. Nursey’s voice is sure—confident and strong—and he says we. This room in the basement for Dex, it’s going to be so good for them. 

“Yeah.” Dex nods a little too, briefly lost in Nursey’s gaze. It’s so easy to lose himself like this. “We can pick a few things up.”

Nursey’s smile is so incredibly endearing it just makes Dex dizzy again. 

The thought of Nursey working beside him in the basement to get everything right—Nursey helping with the paneling or stretched out across the ground while Dex works on the wires or shoulder to shoulder, helping him paint—Dex hadn’t realized how worried he’d been that he would have to do everything alone. 

“Well…” Holster finally says slowly. “We won’t keep you.”

When Dex breaks his gaze with Nursey he looks between Holster and Ransom, finding smiles in their faces, too.

Dex is downstairs with Ransom grabbing his bag but Nursey already has his, and didn’t realize Dex would take so long. He and Holster are waiting on the porch but it’s a little more awkward than Nursey really wants it to be, and he feels like that’s his fault.

He glances over his shoulder toward the door but it’s closed and of course gives no indication on how long Dex and Rans will be. Their last chance to talk alone in person for a while is probably now.

“Look,” Nursey says, turning back to Holster. “I’m sorry I kind of fell off.”

Holster shrugs, casual. “I get it. I didn’t expect us to go back to how it was before—I don’t think we will, you know?”

“No, I know.”

“I’m glad you two came out,” Holster tells him. “Seriously. This was nice.”

“It was,” Nursey agrees, and he means it. 

There’s a beat of silence, the house still quiet behind them, and then Holster asks, “Do you regret what we did?” 

Nursey laughs nervously. “You make it sound like hooking up is a crime.” 

Holster relents a little, his smile not as strained as Nursey expects it to be. “I don’t,” he clarifies. “We had fun. I feel like—you taught me a lot about myself.”

“No, I don’t regret it either,” Nursey hurries. He feels the same, really—they did have fun, and Nursey learned a lot about himself too. He learned a lot about what he wanted in a partner, too (which, to be clear, was not Holster). “I just… feel like I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.” 

There were moments of hurt between him and Holster, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss him. They were friends before all of that, too. 

“We don’t have to start anywhere big,” Holster tells him. He bobs his head a little side to side, eyes off in the distance as he thinks. “I still listen to ASMR sometimes.”

A laugh bubbles out of Nursey unexpectedly. He’d started putting it on for them after they hooked up some nights and Holster always seemed to enjoy it, but hadn’t heard of it before. 

“What’s your favorite kind?”

“Bottle noises,” he answers easily. “Like—jars and lids, shit like that.”

“Yeah, dropper sounds,” Nursey agrees. “And glass things. Very dope.” Holster chuckles a little and Nursey feels more settled. “Thanks Holtz.” 

When Holster turns to him, offering open arms for a hug, it’s easy to return it. They’ve just finished clapping each other on the back when the front door finally opens, Dex on the other side with Ransom just behind him. 

“Aw, are we hugging?” Ransom asks. He moves for Nursey then, arms wide, and tackles him in a deep one. “Yes!”

Nursey laughs and squeezes Ransom tightly, closing his eyes to savor it and opening them just in time to watch Holster and Dex part from a quick hug of their own. They’re both smiling and it makes Nursey’s smile widen too. 

“Drive safe, yeah?” Holster tells them after Ransom and Dex hug too. Ransom squeezes Dex’s shoulder as they part and then looks to Nursey brightly, all of this so deeply wonderful in ways it leaves Nursey feeling a little breathless. “And let us know when you’re back?”

“We’re stopping for lunch,” Dex reminds him. “And supplies.”

“So we’ll add an hour and some to our expected return text,” Ransom says easily. He slides into place beside Holster on the porch as Nursey and Dex make their way down the stairs. “The more you talk to them about their boring speaker the less they’ll talk to us about it,” he adds.

“I bet it was cool as shit,” Nursey counters with a grin. Definitely not just a reason for Shitty and Lardo to leave the house to the four of them. “Can’t wait to hear about it.” 

“Enjoy,” Holster says with a wave.

They call out their goodbyes one last time before trudging down the street to where Dex parked the night before. In the truck with their things thrown in the back, Nursey turns to Dex with a little smile only to find him one wearing one too. 

“What?” Dex asks. 

Nursey leans toward him for a kiss, overwhelmed with how many different things he could say, and Dex leans in to meet him for it. His hand lifts for Nursey’s cheek, gentle fingertips against his skin, and Nursey sighs as they break apart. 

“Yeah,” Dex agrees softly, smile growing as Nursey’s hand covers his own. “Let’s go home.”