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There was a funny fact about life. Whenever you thought it had hit rock bottom, it would surprise you with a newer, worse kind of low. But whenever something GOOD was happening, whenever you felt like things were going good but could get even better!!!) of course—they never did. In fact, sometimes, if you were some sore loser with really bad luck and your name started with D and ended with arren, things could go from almost perfect to pretty fucking bad real quick.
“You did what!?”
And this had been supposed to be the best day ever, too. In fact, the entire week had gone pretty great. But this? This was one of those things that ruined your goddamn mood for weeks to come, and the negativity would wash over what little good experiences you DID have.
“I may have…uh,” light blue eyes darted back and forth, avoiding eye contact, “like, it’s not my fault, Darren. You packed the bag so inconveniently, and--”
And that was it. Darren almost exploded—almost. He didn’t want to create a scene, so he kept his mouth clamped shut, making sure all his anger focused into his glare in the hopes that it would concentrate into a laser and make a hole in his best friend’s (currently, WORST ENEMY’S) forehead.
Steve shifted awkwardly under Darren’s glare, knowing full well he had only added fuel to the fire by trying to shift the blame onto him. No, it truly had been entirely Steve’s fault and he knew that damn well.
Everything had been packed and ready but Steve had wanted to change into his OTHER, BETTER swimming trunks seconds before they left the hotel. These trunks had been neatly folded and placed – BY DARREN—at the bottom of the bag that they were taking to the beach with them. Apparently, Steve couldn’t wait to change into them.
Now, if it had been only Darren and Steve, being a couple minutes late would be no problem, but they weren’t alone on his vacation. Darren’s family was there too, and Darren’s dad was a PANICKER. Well, maybe he had reason to be. He and Angela were headed off to a gathering with a couple old friends, Annie had to go see a movie with her buddies, everybody had been set and ready but Steve’s sliver of doubt in his appearance had thrown everybody into panic. Suddenly Annie was rummaging looking around for something she KNEW she had forgotten at the moment but she would definitely remember it only after they’d left the hotel (it had only been her anxiety) , and Angela didn’t like the way she had styled her hair (Kathy would no doubt pass a demeaning comment) , and Dermot couldn’t find his glasses (they were on his head the whole time) and because the Shan family (and Steve) were staying in two separate rooms and their suitcases were scattered throughout them, there was a lot of rushing in and out.
And it was amid this chaos that Steve Leonard pulled his trunks out of the beach bag, from the very bottom, so he yanked everything on top as he fished for his clothing article--- and that must have been when the both of their phones AND wallets had tumbled out of the bag and….well. Here they were.
Stranded on a beach, at least 40 minutes away from their hotel, unable to catch a taxi or ride. Even if they magically caught one, there was no guarantee they’d be able to come back to the beach in time. There was a concert set to happen there, (THANKFULLY the tickets had still been in the bag. SOMEHOW.) featuring their all-time favorite band FLOPPA LUSON. In twenty minutes, the venue would open, giving them around 3 minutes to try and get the spots at the very front, because the sort of crowds that turned up to floppa luson’s concerts were hungry and devoured any space around them. Yeah, they were a pretty big deal.
The plan had been for Steve and Darren to chill around on the beach for some time, then grab some food before the concert because they’d need all their energy. In their excitement, the boys had even skipped brunch. But they were….a little behind schedule. They’d arrived a bit late, and also, didn’t have ANY MONEY. And they were starving.
“I need something to eat.” Darren grumbled, and Steve echoed the sentence.
“Didn’t you pack any snacks, Darren? Why wouldn’t you pack any snacks?”
Darren punched Steve.
A few passers-by regarded the pair with fleeting shock. Steve chuckled awkwardly, and then the boys lapsed into silence, both staring off into the distant ocean. A moment of peace.
“Oh…Darren. Darren.”
Darren was too busy ignoring Steve, though, but the albino knew well how to steal his attention. He yelped when an elbow dug sharply into his ribs, finally turning to glare at his (soon to be ex) best friend.
“What!?”
“Look.”
Steve was pointing to a poster displayed outside the popular ice cream store, DOM’S CHOC LIT SHOPPE. The title caught Darren’s attention almost immediately.
Free Ice cream.
Not that it would fuel them for long…. but food was food.
“Let’s check that out.”
Darren sighed, trudging behind Steve and muttering under his breath the whole time. The boys crept closer to the window, Steve was hogging most of the space so Darren couldn’t get a proper look at it. Trying to shove that towering piece of shit away was no good.
“Man! That’s lame!” Steve exclaimed, having read the poster.
“What? What does it say?” But there was no point in asking, since Steve was cursing and moving away, allowing Darren to finally read for himself. One quick look and Darren was reaching the same conclusion.
As it turned out, because it was Valentine’s day or whatever, only couples would be getting free scoops of their choice flavor. There would be no challenge, as they had hoped; no “eat these many cones and you can go free”.
“This is extremely discriminatory against singles.”
“And against guys who get all the bitches but are tied to none.” Steve added matter-of-factly. Darren rolled his eyes.
“I guess we should just walk back to the hotel and get our stuff.”
“Are you crazy!? We’ll miss FLOPPA LUSON’s intro. And all the spots closest to the stage will be taken, too. No way.” Steve paused for a moment.
“Unless…. one of us– you, I mean – goes back to get the stuff. I’ll save a spot for you.”
He knew damn well he wouldn’t be able to save a spot. The crowd would eat up any inch of space around him, no doubt, and even if he managed to keep an area magically crowd-free, there was no guarantee Darren’s loser self would manage to slither his way from the very back of the crowd to the front. But hey, at least after the show was over they’d have money and then they could have some snacks and take a ride back to the hotel.
Darren frowned. Steve worried if his thought process had materialized above his head.
“You don’t expect me to believe that’s possible, do you?”
Steve feigned confusion. Darren balled his fists.
“Fine. Then we both stay, go through the show dehydrated and starving, then after the 3-hour long concert is over and we’re exhausted, we walk all the way back to the hotel, STILL dehydrated and starving. We’ll probably DIE on the way.”
But his attempt at guilt-tripping— err, rationalizing was quickly swat down by Darren.
“And whose fault is that?”
Silence. They glared at each other.
Well, for as long as they could. Soon, Steve’s eyebrows were twitching as he fought his facial nerves so they didn’t break out in a smile, and even stone-faced Darren couldn’t keep the grin off his lips for too long. There was SOMETHING about a friendship like theirs, where no matter how pissed off you were at the other, for some reason you just couldn’t stay mad. In fact, till the present, the longest they had been actually mad at each other, like actually mad, with the whole no-communication, unfriending on socials (Steve did that. He just blocked Darren on everything.) had lasted for only three days. On the fourth day, Steve had just plopped right next to Darren, flashed him his signature smirk and punched him on the shoulder.
And they were friends again.
As the two boys were walking away, having decided they’ll go through the concert and then ring up Dermot with some stranger’s phone, Steve suddenly came to a jerking halt, a hand slapping out to the side to also make Darren stop.
“Jeez– what now?”
Steve turned to face him, eyes wide and shining.
Oh no.
Darren knew that scheming look all too well. If Steve was going to suggest they did what Darren had thought of for a second but quickly discarded the idea– then he already knew where this was going, and he already knew he was vehemently against it.
No way was he going to join Steve and walk around asking random girls if they would “pretend to be his girlfriend for free ice-cream”. Maybe that would have worked in MIDDLE SCHOOL, maybe girls would have found it plausible then, but in the adult world, people viewed things like this with skepticism. Honestly, as they should. Not everyone retained the harmless childishness like Steve and Darren had.
“I just got an idea.”
“We are not doing it.”
Steve stared at him, dumbfounded for a minute. Sure, it wasn’t too unlikely that Darren had already understood what Steve was going to say– oftentimes, they got the same ideas. It was like Annie would always say, the two of them shared half a brain cell.
“Oh come on, it’s free ice cream.”
“I am not losing my DIGNITY for FREE ice cream, Steve.”
That told Steve they had INDEED thought up the same thing. But what was so awful about two friends pretending they were in a relationship for free stuff? Besides, there was no loss in dignity for a man who loved a man– come on, what year were they in!
“It’s not like we know anybody here. Nobody will ever know!”
Darren shook his head, linking an arm with Steve’s and trying to pull him away from the whole area. It was messing with his mind.
“It’s not like they’ll ask us to kiss to prove it, or anything.” Steve snatched his arm back.
Darren froze, turning to look at his friend, brows furrowed, eyes wide.
Steve stared back, arms folded, wondering what he’d said that warranted all that shock.
A minute passed.
Two minutes passed.
Oh.
OH.
“You’re not talking about girls, are you?”
“You didn’t really catch the drift of my idea, did you?”
Yup, Darren sighed, he had misunderstood. But knowing Steve, he had also been 100% sure THAT would’ve been his go-to suggestion. THIS, however? It had totally thrown him in a spin.
As for Steve, he was still putting two and two together. GIRLS? It took him a second. He slapped his forehead, a little “ooohhhh” escaping him as realization occurred.
But then his expression quickly shifted into disgust.
“No way, Darren. That would be creepy, and we’d get laughed at, and also VirginMan used the exact idea in his video in an attempt to pick up girls. He got ratioed so bad. I wouldn’t risk being associated with him even by strangers ‘cuz that guy’s a total virgin.”
“Yes Steve, thus the username.” Darren glanced back at the shop, at the poster displayed outside, mind racing.
“So you wanna do it? Let’s do it.”
Darren was well aware that Steve was staring at him as he awaited a response– how could he not notice? They were standing face-to-face, half an arm apart– but he really wished Steve would look somewhere else because he needed to think and that incessant gaze did not allow his brain to focus.
“Well?”
Shut UP, Steve.
Darren pursed his lips, eyes narrowing for no reason. He scratched his nose.
“I don’t know, man.” He said finally, shrugging and tearing his eyes away so he could study some pebbles on the ground instead. Oh cool, was that one multi-colored?
“What do you mean? It’s just us, man, come on.” Steve insisted, as EXPECTED. Once he set his mind to doing something, he wouldn’t rest till he’d done it and dragged Darren through it too– because he rarely did anything alone. Neither of them did, to be fair.
“It doesn’t have to be weird,” he completed.
Yes. Yes, SURE. Of course it wouldn’t be weird to Steve, because he’d never….
Because. Well.
Because he had never let his feelings towards a certain life-long friend progress past the friendship mark because he probably wasn’t into this certain life-long friend nothing personal probably but it still hurt but you know what this life-long friend had learnt to deal with that and accept it and move on but it was moments like THESE, moments that for some reason kept popping up into their lives that made him want to scream his head off and shake his fist at god almighty because what did he ever do to deserve catching feelings for Steve fucking Leonard and being reminded of them the second he was almost over them.
“Can you shut up?” Steve said suddenly.
Darren blinked, abruptly looking up at Steve.
“I didn’t say anythin-”
“Yeah, but you always make that dumb face when you’re narrating speeches; either out loud or in your head.”
Darren made the “i-don’t-believe-i-do-that-but-most-of-all-i-don’t-believe-you-noticed” face.
Steve shrugged in a “yes-you-do-and-yes-i-noticed” manner.
“What’s there to think about, anyway?” Steve pressed, “you worried someone’s going to see and out us to the shop people? Unlikely. Just shut up and go with it.”
The word he had meant to use was “employees”. And that was the second time he’d told Darren to shut up when he hadn’t even opened his mouth.
2 – 0.
“Okay, okay. We’ll do the stupid thing. And YOU shut up.”
2 – 1.
He would have declined if it had been up to him, but Steve’s perceptiveness scared him. If Darren had said no, he’d keep asking why he’d said no, what was he so afraid of, why was he so quiet, why did he look so sad, why was he crying blah blah and then…. well you’d have to be astronomically stupid to miss the point.
But then again, Steve had been astronomically stupid for the past 8 years, and it didn’t look like he was getting any smarter soon…but he was one of those unpredictable genius morons. Like he was great at physics, and chemistry, and all the sciencey stuff, and also very scarily good at reading people, but when it came to someone close to him liking him he just. Didn’t. Get. the. Goddamn. Hint. At first Darren had suspected Steve knew, and was acting purposely clueless because he didn’t want to address it– and sure, that had hurt Darren a lot, but over the years he’d come to the realization that Steve truly hadn’t caught on.
Astronomically stupid.
“You’re making that dumb face again.” Steve muttered as they walked towards (the shop), his arm around Darren’s shoulder. You know, so they looked more “coupley”.
Quickly, Darren’s features relaxed. How had the bastard even noticed?
“Just shut up, man.”
Hah. 2 - 2.
When they entered the little shop, there weren’t many people in it. Which was a bit comforting to Darren, because he had an awful feeling about this.
They walked up to the counter, as casually and coupley as possible.
“We’re here for the couple’s deal, please.” Steve smiled at the woman behind the counter, who looked like she was on the verge of quitting. His eyes dipped to her nametag: it simply said “Mer”.
“Okay, sir, but as the ad indicates, we need to see some sort of proof that the two of you are really together.”
Darren tensed up. Steve remained calm, taking his arm off Darren so he could fish for his phone– which had photos of them going back 16 years– this was no biggie, his phone was—
Back at the hotel.
Right.
Where he’d forgotten everything.
Of course.
The reason they were here…
Oh, fuck.
Now he looked a little unsure, which only unnerved Darren even further. And great, of course, now there were MORE PEOPLE IN THE SHOP. Darren wanted the ocean waves to come crashing down everywhere so this awful situation could be interrupted. He silently prayed for a flood.
“Dude, we forgot our phones and our wallets back– back at the hotel,” Steve chuckled, mentally face-palming because even though THIS bit was the truth, it sounded far more ridiculous than the lie, “I swear, man. I’ve known him since primary school. We started dating in, uh, high school.”
Darren’s gaze lasered into the floor.
SHUT UP STEVE. SHUT UP. LET’S JUST LEAVE.
“Uhuh,” Mer deadpanned, glancing behind them, as if to signal to them that she was ready to move on to the next customers if they didn’t convince her in the next 2 seconds.
“Guys, if you could step aside, plea--”
And Darren was turning swiftly to leave, almost as if he’d been waiting for the order– but Steve, that idiotic, STUBBORN asshole. He pulled Darren back by the forearm, shocking almost everyone who was witnessing or involved in the scene even further by— pulling Darren into a kiss.
Someone coughed awkwardly, Mer face-palmed, and a LOT occurred around them– or maybe it was just Darren feeling that way, because his entire world was spinning uncontrollably, and he was feeling what it must have felt like when the Big Bang happened, or when the meteors bombarded the Earth, or however it will feel when the sun finally explodes— a mixture of awe and terror, excitement and grief.
And maybe this was the only way they could be “together”-- when pretending to be so in front of strangers who wouldn’t remember them except when they narrated funny stories to their friends, and this would be fleeting for most, even for Steve, but not to Darren. He would never forget the way they’d melted together– a perfect fit. Meant to be. He’d never forget the feeling of the fingers curling in his hair, the coldness of their exposed torsos, or the taste of Steve’s mouth– and unbeknownst to him, the feeling was entirely mutual.
After they pulled apart, panting and red-faced, Mer, the cashier, was regarding them with disdain, and a little bit of embarrassment.
“.... you could’ve just posed for the #couples photo booth we have and your picture would be published on our page. That’s the other option we have for people who don’t have pictures to show.”
That’s it, Darren DEMANDED God for a flood right then and there.
“And you didn’t tell us this before, why?” he asked, to which Mer shrugged.
“I was GOING to, but then you two started eating each other’s faces,” the boys blushed, turning sheepish, “and don’t act like the victims here– it’s all of us who got traumatized.” the blonde woman gestured to herself and the rest of the customers, who also looked very uncomfortable to be there.
“Whatever. What flavors would you two like?”
Steve got mint chocolate chip, and Darren got some strawberry flavor, and when they walked out the skies were much darker. The sun had just sunk. The venue for the concert was opening up too– the guards were preparing the area and would soon be opening the gates.
Steve was uncomfortably quiet, but thanks to the noise inside Darren’s head, he didn’t notice till a while later. The boys walked in silence towards the venue, which had the stage facing away from the ocean but the venue itself was on the beach.
Darren wanted to say something, anything, because it was way too fucking awkward and…hadn’t Steve said to not make it weird? So why was HE making it weird then? Just laugh it off, it doesn’t matter. Does it? It shouldn’t. Not to him. Did it…?
“Hey, Darren?”
“What?” Darren cringed at how quickly he’d responded.
“Shut up.”
Though he was slightly bewildered (and annoyed, the score was now 3-2) Darren was the first to laugh, gently bumping his shoulder into Steve’s, who retaliated a bit too harshly and almost sent Darren flying face-first into the sand. It only made them laugh harder, and….
And it was as simple….as stupid…. as lovely as that.